//------------------------------// // Back From Wunderland // Story: Refined Starlight in a Broken Vessel // by the-pieman //------------------------------// If I survive this - no, when I survive this, I’m going to climb back up there and make myself a pair of cat-skin gloves. It also occurs to me that this is definitely not the portal I entered from, meaning that while I might end up in Equestria, I have no clue where in Equestria it’ll drop me off. And since they haven’t invented things like road flares... or roads, I’ll likely have to walk back to civilization. Screw gloves, I’m making slippers so I can step on the bastard every morning. The trip through this portal is very different from the massive mirror I came here through, feeling instead like I’m falling faster and faster, only upward, not down. It’s not as fun and way more disorienting than the other method. Must be the result of a natural Gate. Upon exiting the nauseating kaleidescope of the Gate’s internal passage, I find myself moving much slower than I’d expected, and land almost gently on the stone floor. Stone? Where am I? Isn’t Equestria supposed to be, like, mostly flat grassland with a couple mountains? I notice the ceiling is also rock, meaning I’m in a cave of sorts. Moments later, Pinkie follows me through, then Twilight then Cadence. I’m about to ask for a lift to get back through the portal so I can strangle the cat, but the portal is way smaller on this side, not nearly enough to fit through, leaving us stuck here after Cadence is all the way through. It’s... really weird watching her come through, like she’s simply travelling really fast instead of expanding, then slowing down at the last moment. “Where are we?” Twilight asks aloud, looking at the cave’s interior. I groan. “Don’t tell me that cat didn’t actually send us to Equestria after all that...” Cadence and Pinkie, exploring forward shake their heads. “No, we’re in Equestria,” the princess says, “I can feel the field pretty well, and it feels familiar. I think... hmm, very mountainous, but saturated with celestial... I think we’re in some part of Mt. Canter, but I’m not sure how far up or down the mountain.” she says, Twilight face-hoofing. “I should’ve thought to check the field...” she mutters. As they explain, I notice that the purple-colored splotches on the cave floor are actually slightly pinkish, and aren’t made of stone. They appear to be some sort of goo, with the consistency of jam. And they’re everywhere in this cave. Thankfully for us, there also seems to be a tunnel leading out, though it’s also covered in splotches and globs of the gelatinous muck. I consider poking it, but think better of it. “Hey, Twilight, what is this stuff?” Twilight activates her horn and a tiny glob starts to glow, before her horn fizzles out. “I... can’t move it.” “Well in magical happy horseland, I’m willing to bet there aren’t many anti-magic substances, so start there.” I say, rolling my eyes. “I know of a few metals, one chemical compound, and a flower...” she says, thinking. “But this doesn’t match any of those. The compound is a powder until dissolved in water, and it turns the resulting water black and iridescent. The flower is purple, but the pulp is a bright blue, and they don’t grow anywhere near Mt. Canter anymore. And this is most definitely not a metal.” she says. “I... think we may have discovered something new.” I think on that for a moment. “Well, you went to Wunderland expecting to make new discoveries, you gotta have a sample-jar in that saddlebag of yours, right?” I point out. “Yeah, but how do we get it into a bag without magic?” Twilight asks and I just eye her curiously until the ‘touch it’ option occurs to her. She reaches out a hoof, and gingerly pokes the goo, and the entire mound jiggles at the contact. Twilight yelps, shaking her hoof vigorously, the tip of which has turned gray. “G-gah! It’s so cold!” she says, concerned, and looks really fatigued all of a sudden. I really don’t know what to make of this, but it’s not good, whatever it is. I begin searching Twi’s saddlebag for one of the sample vials, digging out the little glass vessel and carefully dipping it into the goo. Said goo doesn’t respond until my fingertips brush against it. The gross, slimy feeling of old meat is the only thing I can compare it to, but colder than a block of dry ice, and I hear myself yelp and only barely catch the half-thrown vial before it hits the ground, and cork it. “Okay... that stuff is weird, let’s get this to your lab and test it.” I suggest, figuring Twilight would be delighted to be able to study some brand-new substance- “Ugh, get that away from me, it’s disgusting!” Huh? “Twi, it’s in a vial now, it’s not gonna get your notebooks all goopy.” She shakes her head. “Right, right... I don’t know what came over me... that was bizarre.” she muses. “For once, you say something I agree with. Come on, let’s get out of here and head home before something else decides to fuck our day up again.” The four of us all follow the tunnel, the area slowly growing brighter as we do. Eventually, we’re met with bright, natural sunlight, enough to make Twilight and I wince and recoil a bit, before continuing out. In the distance, a little ways above us, is the city of Canterlot, jutting out from the side of the mountain in defiance of all laws of physics and architecture. Below us, though, should be the lake normally there, and then Ponyville a little ways off... instead there’s a massive, tremendous lake of the pinkish-purple goo, sliding across the ground. Except it’s not moving outwards, it’s expanding outwards, the rear of it remaining stationary as thick gloopy pseudopods the size of houses reach for everything nearby. “Okay... now would be a good time to figure out what that stuff is before the big one... uh... whatevers.” I suggest. Twilight nods and takes out the vial, the glass bottle hovering in front of her face, held in her magic grasp. “Well, that answers one question. It can be contained, and the container can be affected by magic. So I guess we find a way to contain it.” “It’s a gel, how do you suggest we contain something that big and viscous?” As I’m speaking I notice the bottom of the cork appears to be higher than it was, but the top hasn’t moved. A quick and closer examination reveals that the goo seems to be eating the cork, turning it into more of the slime. It’s a goddamned Grey Goo scenario. “Okay, this is bad, we need to figure out it’s weakness, some sort of anti-serum or whatever before it starts eating people.” “How do you know it’s going to start eating ponies?” Cadence asks, curiously. Pinkie nods. “That’s kind of a leap. I mean, usually something that eats things that aren’t food don’t eat living things like ponies. Granted the only creature that comes to mind that eats... not-food is a Parasprite.” Twilight looks out at the expanse. “Well, girls... I think he’s right. And even if it’s not eating ponies, it’s a danger, because it’s spreading like a wave, and it was a little painful to touch the inactive bit back there... I don’t think it’d be a stretch to say more of it would be more painful to touch.” she looks back to Cadence, Pinkie, and I. “So, like with any virus, we need a sample of it, which we have, then we need to find out what kills it, and distribute it to the population.” Twilight hums for a moment. “Well, it’s not that simple really. First we’d have to figure out what it’s opposite is.” Pinkie and Cadence just stare at us as Twi and I talk science. “Well, it’s painful to the touch, which is usually a sign of being an acid, so we need a base to neutralize it. Like Baking Soda being used to clear away battery acid.” “Well, alkali materials also hurt on contact, but both of them tend to cause a ‘burning’ sensation, not a freezing one... say, maybe it’s not magic-proof.” Twilight says. “What if... what if it’s eating the magic?” she suggests, looking a bit grossed out and scared. I also notice that the vial in her magical grip is now completely full of goop, and the cork is almost gone. “Well, it’s not eating the glass. So we need to figure out what in the glass it can’t eat and use that to contain it until we find a way to kill it or at least neutralize it.” “Well you better think of a way to do something because it’s going to hit Fetlock soon.” Pinkie points out and I realize I’d stopped watching the progress of the big puddle. She’s right, it’s not only spreading, but it also seems to not be slowing down at all, as if it’s got infinite mass to spend. “Well, let’s see... it’s eating the cork, but it didn’t eat the stone, for however long it was there... stone and glass... both are earth-aligned, but- wait! I have an idea!” she pulls out a writing quill, dumps the little sample of goo on the ground, and drops the quill on it. The quill is quickly consumed, turning into more of the ooze right before our eyes - but the metal nib on the end doesn’t. “It’s only turning things that are or were alive into more of itself!” she says, coming to the same conclusion I had. Pinkie gasps. “Anthony’s right then, it would start eating ponies!” Twilight starts freaking out for a moment. “And if magic doesn’t work on it, then I can’t just cast a barrier spell. We’d need to contain it another way.” “How...” Cadence asks, a little worried. “We don’t have a way to just... summon raw metal or glass to contain it with.” “We’d need to summon it from somewhere... wait, Myrna can move stone, right?” I nod. “We need to get to Ponyville, then. If we can get her to build a series of dams, we can at least stop it for the time being!” I spark up. “You guys stay here, I’ll get to Ponyville. See if you can’t figure out a more permanent way to stop it.” I look down at the mountain and realize I can’t just run down the mountainside, it’s too sheer. I’d have to climb down. “You realize I can at least teleport you to the ground. You’d just have to outrun the goo.” Twilight points out. I nod, and she sighs. “Sometimes I think you get a bit too into the whole ‘Only one who can save us’ role.” “Shut it and start helping already.” “Fine! Just go!” With a flash of her horn I’m at the base of the mountain and... holy shit. The goop seems to be travelling faster from this angle. But that doesn’t make sense, from a bird’s eye view we had it should have been... well, unless something spurred it into moving faster. But what would be making it... oh shit! The realization that the goop was now quite literally chasing after me triggers an immediate flight reaction and I blast off towards Ponyville as fast as I can. My muscles ache like they’ve never felt before and I eventually need to stop and rest, my legs on fire. How fast was I running? At least twice as fast as the train to Canterlot since I can see Ponyville now and it’s only been a few minutes. Shit, I’m tired. And cold. Wait, wasn’t my leg just burning up- I glance down to see a small piece of the goo grabbing onto my shoe. I must have stepped in some back at the cave! I need to get Myrna before it starts eating me! Shitshitshitshit! My heart pounding out of my chest I get back to Ponyville and begin searching for Myrna, my leg starting to go numb. How can a hundred-foot snake woman hide in a small town like this? At this rate I’ll never find her! I fucked up, and now my ankle is about to be eaten to bits and I’m gonna be goo, and then it’s gonna eat everyone else and- “Myrna! Oh thank goodness!” I look down, noticing that at some point I must’ve phased out, the goo having fallen off. I’ll worry about that in a second, explanations first. “Goo monster, can’t eat stone, gonna eat everyone, gotta stop it!” Or as best of an explanation as I can muster. “Also, dropped some in Ponyville. Accident.” “Uhm... what?” she asks, raising an eyebrow. “It’s, uhm, good you’re back, it’s been really quiet these last couple weeks... but what are you talking about?” I stop to catch my breath. “Okay, there’s a goo thing that is pretty much The Blob That Ate Everyone only it’s kinda purple. The only way we can stop it is by surrounding it in stone and containing it. I say we’ve got ten minutes before the big one gets to Fetlock, and even less before the little one starts eating Ponyville.” I take a deep breath and fall over, Myrna catching me. I’m too wiped and out of breath to move. She sets me down on a bench, and begins to slither off after telling me she’s looking for the small blob. Geez, everything looks really gray... my leg feels fine now, just a little chilly, so I don’t think it’s shock or anything, but... still. I just hope I got here fast enough, but a little voice in my head is telling me I just fucked up in the most colossal way. Can’t... move. Gotta... help... guh, I feel like shit. The little voice gets louder and more insistent by the minute, as I stare listlessly at the encroaching wall of pink in the not-so-distant distance, stone walls forming at the behest of the serpentine shape harrying the blob. With a sigh, I look towards the one decent hill in Ponyville, thinking about going up there to watch what happens. Likelihood of me actually making it to the hill when I’m this tired though, is probably null. Oh well, the bench works. If it wasn’t so uncomfortable. Who made this fucking thing anyways? Duh, a pony. For ponies. Of course it’s too small for me, I’m a freak to these assholes. I’ve been here for almost a year or some shit and the only thing that fits me is a goddamn bed in a tree, and even that is uncomfortable sometimes. I’m a hero, but do I get any help fitting in? No, they’d rather I save them and then do nothing until they need saving again. Well fuck that. Fuck them. They can handle this problem by themselves! I go climb a random tree and find a relatively decent space to watch the show from. How you guys gonna survive when your great hero stops giving a shit? From this distance, I watch as Myrna brings up slabs of stone the height of houses, forming a vast ring. I also see five little specks, and while it’s hard to tell, I think it’s Twilight’s friends. They land on a large slab of rock, the massive blob contained for the time. And then they... I dunno, I can’t see from here. There’s no giant doom-laser rainbow being fired, I can see that much, but there’s nothing else happening either. Apparently, without me, they get even more boring. Go figure. And you know what, maybe that’s the way to go. I try to make things interesting and they want me gone. I’ve had enough, I’m going home. Nobody wants me around anyways, nobody has, never will. I’m gonna head up to Canterlot, find the lazy-ass princesses and make them do something to send me back. A little pony kid comes up and asks me to do something, but I can see the thinly veiled insistence that I can’t actually do anything to help. Stupid kid, thinks I’m useless. I tell the kid to go fuck herself, probably the only thing that she could do herself, and walk off. Nobody insults me, least of all some nobody, half-pint brat. It’s been a few hours, and I’m starting to feel better. Off in the distance, the giant blob has retreated for some reason, and there’s no apparent damage from its passage. Judging by the lack of a somber air, it hasn’t caused any deaths either, which is impressive. The sound of hooves on grass alerts me to a pony coming up the hill below me. I look down, and it is, surprisingly, Pinkie. Not hopping or pronking along, just standing there, looking up to me. “Hey Anthony. You feeling alright?” she asks, looking concerned. “Oh, I’m fine, just sitting here, being a freak. The hell do you want?” “I want my friend back.” she says, before settling on her haunches for a sec, springing up to grab some branches and start climbing up, clumsily. “And -oof- try to make y- ow -you smile.” she says, finally reaching the branch under mine. “Meh.” She jumps for the base of the branch I’m on, grabbing it with a hoof but missing the rest of it. Almost instantly, she slips and starts to fall - and just as quickly, I catch her hoof. Hauling her up, I set her back on the branch below me. “I don’t need to smile. What I need is to be left alone.” She looks out from the branch. “Anthony, you really do need a smile. I’ve been there, y’know. And a smile helps.” she looks back up at me, face and tone equally somber as her words. “How could you have been where I have? We barely know each other.” “Really? Because I know you’re an optimist if a bit cynical, you like to have fun even if you’re a bit lazy, and I know you like some people even if you dislike the majority and I know you like helping your friends, too. I also know you’re feeling really bad. Like you’re the weirdest thing in the world, that you’re only tolerated because you’re new. Or because there’s an obligation to care about you. But that’s not true, Anthony.” she says, looking up at me, a hoof reaching up to settle on my leg. “Trust me, I know what you’re going through. I’ve been through it, too. It’s not easy growing up destined to be a party planner in a family of rock farmers.” “It’s not easy being autistic and such when everyone thinks that it’s a bad thing, that you have to prove that you aren’t some special case who needs others’ help just because his brain got fucked up halfway through developing. I don’t need anyone, because nobody needs me.” “Pon- people need you.” “Except they’re all gone. If they need me so bad, how come I’ve never been able to have a friend and not lose them because the world demands my unhappiness?” Pinkie is quiet for a while. “I’m still here.” “Yeah for how long? That’s the way it’s always been, I have friends and then something changes in my life and I lose them. No more contact with them, just... gone. I only managed to keep one friend through a lot of changes, but now I’m here on fucking pony planet and Earth is apparently screwed over, meaning I have even fewer people than when I first started. Come back and say ‘I’ve been there’ when you end up in a situation where nobody is trying to help you ever see your family again.” “...” She looks up at the sky, staying silent for several minutes. “I was almost disowned once, Anthony. Ma and Pa... they thought I was going to drag the Pie name through the mud... I- I thought I’d lost my family. And back then, I didn’t have any friends at all. I came to Ponyville, and I’m lucky, ‘cuz my parents sent me mail, and they’d changed their minds but I’d already left and they couldn’t find me...” she pauses for a breath, “And I’d already found a place out here in Ponyville, with the Cakes... Mrs. Cake is actually my Aunt, once removed, on my grandpa’s side, but still...” she sighs. “Nobody’s lives are exactly the same, so of course I’ve never been exactly where you are. But I understand what it’s like to be afraid of losing everything. Just know, you’ve got ponies here who care about you. And I’ll never leave you behind as long as there’s breath in my body. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” she solemnly makes motions with the words, finishing with a hoof to her eye that had to have hurt. “Yeah... okay. Just know that, honestly, everyone’s got a story about what fucked them up and made life a hellhole for them, so... pardon me if I don’t share mine. I’m not emo or anything. Don’t want people caring too much because, well, everything is temporary. Nothing lasts forever. But I suppose we can try to hold on.” “Well, duh!” she giggles. “If everything lasted forever, there wouldn’t be any room for anything new!” she says, trying to climb up again. This time, I pull her up onto my branch and lay back, struggling a bit to get her on my level. “You know what will last forever? You being heavy if you don’t lay off the cupcakes.” “I’ll stop eating sweets when you do.” She bargains. I scoff at the suggestion as she snuggles on my chest, and we both watch the sun set slowly, twinkling stars of every size coming out to captivate and mesmerize... How could anyone not want to see nights like this? I can’t help but wonder at that. “What do you think Nightmare Moon really wanted, aside from endless night and the resulting death of the entire planet?” “Love. Everyone, pony or human or griffon or manticore or bunny or whatever... we all just want to feel loved.” “I suppose so, but... sometimes it’s hard to find the love.” “Well, love in particular may be Princess Cadence’s deal, but I try to make ponies, and people, happy.” I feel a smile tug at my lips as her fluffy hair tickles my chin. “Cheater.” I whisper, finally grinning. “But I won, and you’re happy. Two wins for the price of one.” she says, grinning smugly.