The sound of hooves on the floor echoed through the waiting room. Octavia was watching Lyra pacing nervously. Both of them were waiting for news about Vinyl, but while Lyra wasn't able to stay still, Octavia was sit, her eyes half closed, taking slow and deep breaths.
She's gonna be okay. In a moment, the Doctor will walk through the doors with a big smile and tell us she is out of danger.
She had lost the count of how many times she had told that to herself, but she kept on repeating it.
When Lyra will reach ten back and forth, the Doctor will come out with the good news.
She began to count them.
“What is taking so long?” asked Lyra to nopony.
“I don't know,” she answered.
“If only they could tell us something, anything.”
She didn't bother to reply this time. There was nothing to reply after all, or to do except wait. Wait for any movement from the doors she had gazed at for several hours.
When the tenth was about to be, her whole body tensed up and she stared intensely at the doors. But no one came out.
She turned her head on her left, then on her right. And after remembering they were alone in the room and nothing would help her mind to focus on something else, she restarted watching Lyra.
After two other back and forth, Lyra stopped, came closer and faced her.
“How did you do this?” asked the green unicorn shyly. Her head was low and her eyes fixed on the floor.
“What? What do you mean?”
“I mean... Vinyl fell and I didn't know what to do, I could just staring at her like... I don't know, like, if it was all a dream and...” The words seemed to fail her at the moment, when she usually was so talkative. Octavia contemplated her friend, not knowing where she was getting at.
“It's ok,” she tried. “We did what we had to.”
“No, you did. I was... useless,” she dropped. “And... I'm sorry.”
“There is nothing to be sorry about Lyra,” she assured. “In fact...”
She cut herself the moment she saw a movement of the dreaded doors.
A doctor with a tiring look scanned the room and, seeing the two mares, he delivered a sentence that Octavia would never forget.
“She will make it.”
She didn't remember that she had stoodwhen the doctor came in but she felt the cold floor in her hind legs, telling her she hadn't been able to keep standing. Wetness was slowly spreading on her cheeks and a soft contact of Lyra's hoof on her shaking shoulders was the last straw. Her composure broke and she cried in Lyra's embrace, like she had never cried before.
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The vision of Vinyl in a hospital bed, her body connected to medical machines, was hard to maintain so Octavia focused on Vinyl's face. Aside from all the tubes, she looked so peaceful, just like that time Octavia had caught her taking a nap on their couch. She quietly walked to the bed like if the simple fact of making sounds was connected to her friend's survival.
“Stupid,” she whispered to her friend. “You are fucking stupid Vinyl.”
She didn't know if Vinyl could hear her but she kept on nonetheless.
“Why didn't you ask for help, you idiot? No, of course not, you're a big pony, you can take care of yourself. Look where it has gotten you. You almost died!” Her voice was raising. “Have you only thought about your friends? About... me?”
She raised a hoof. She wanted so hard to punch her, thinking that, maybe, it would put some common sense in her mind.
“You... reckless mare!” she added, “The world could burn around you, you wouldn't bat an eyelid and you would dance on the ashes.” Seeing she was on the verge to scream and hurt her friend, she lowered her voice and her hoof, putting it on Vinyl's cheek instead.
“Celestia be my witness, I will NOT let you destroy yourself any longer,” she asserted. “I've failed you once, Vinyl and I'm sorry. But it's over. I won't let you down this time, no matter if you don't want my help.”
Her eyes began to stung and she felt tears were about to come out, but the sound of a clearing throat made her keep her nerve and turned her head. She thought it was Lyra at first but it was in fact the same doctor who had taken care of Vinyl the last time. This time, it seemed that his coat was even lighter, the yellow almost the same color of his doctor's coat. His eyes were also red from tiredness.
“Miss Melody...” he said once he caught her look, nodding.
“Doctor...”
He walk to the bed and looked to some of the medical devices, sometimes writing something on the notepad he had grabbed from the bottom of the bed.
“How is she?” asked Octavia after he had finished the checkup.
“Physically , she is recovering pretty quickly,” he replied with a neutral tone. “She should wake up in a couple of hours.”
“That's... not all, is it?” she asked after a moment, looking at the mare in the bed.
He let out a sigh “I can't say. She'll probably wake up as the same pony she was but there is a chance that her brain has been damaged. Even if your first instinct of performing a cardiac massage was the right thing to do, you can never be sure how somepony will recover from having the brain not irrigated for a certain time. Her brain function could be altered, her magic weakened.”
“And let me guess... there is nothing we can do about it, correct?” she said in a dreary tone.
“Indeed,” he replied, apologetic. "We'll have to wait and see what will happen when she regains consciousness.”
“Okay...” she whispered, feeling the tears coming back.
“Don't worry miss,” he said, putting his hoof on Octavia's shoulder the same way he did the last time, “Your friend is a tough pony. It is my job to keep you aware of all the possibilities but from my experience, the chances are good she won't suffer any permanent damage.” His words were enough to sooth some of Octavia's worries and her body loosened a bit. “I'll leave you for now,” he added. “Call me if you need anything.”
“Thank you Doctor... for everything,” she said, keeping her look on Vinyl.
He nodded and Octavia watched him walking calmly to the exit, until a thought which had occupied her mind since Vinyl's first accident came back in full force. Something she shouldn't have put aside.
“Hmm... Doctor?” she called.
“Yes miss?” he said, turning his head to Octavia.
“Do you...” she hesitated, “Do you know if Mr Pegliacci would be free at the moment?”
“I think so. Follow me, I'll lead you to his office.”
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Octavi took a deep breath to ease her worries. She didn't really know what to expect but she had come too far to back up, so she knocked on the door labelled “Mr Pegliacci, psychologist, psychoanalyst, specialized in addiction disorders".
"Come in," said a voice from beyond the door.
She entered. Inside, the room was almost exactly like she had imagined what a psychologist's office would be. A large couch next to an armchair and a big desk formed the main furniture. Some trinkets were put here and there on tables and the bookshelf on her right, and a few paintings were adorning the white walls. She even recognized one of them to be Chogoll's work, two ponies looking at a beautiful garden through a window. What was unexpected was, instead of an old bearded stallion with spectacles, the pegasus behind the desk was pretty young. His dark mane and his grey coat highlighted his deep blue eyes, eyes from whom Octavia could sense serenity and some wisdom. Not to mention the spectacles weren't on his muzzle but on his flank, as a cutie mark.
"Good evening miss, how can I help you?" asked the pegasus.
"Good evening sir. I'm Octavia Melody and I wanted to discuss some things with you," she replied with a tone she tried to keep neutral.
"Are you here for a consultation?"
"I... don't know but I... think so."
"We'll see. Please have a sit," he said pointing to the couch while he left his desk with a notepad under his wing to sit on the armchair.
Octavia complied before asking "Should I lie down?"
"Whatever makes you feel comfortable," he said with a smile. "I'm listening," he added after Octavia decided to remain seated.
She took a breath, sat comfortably and tried to open her mouth but the words didn't come out. Every time she thought she had the right beginning, she stopped, unable to speak. She felt the lump in her throat getting bigger each time until she could no longer bear it and she cried. She saw through her tears that Mister Pegliacci was offering her a box of tissues.
"Thanks, I'm sorry," she managed to say between two sobs, grabbing the box.
"That's alright miss, take your time."
She didn't understand why she was crying. She should be happy, Vinyl was out of danger. It was true that it wasn't one hundred percent sure but the Doctor seemed confident in Vinyl's recovery and everything was going in the right direction. So why, why for Celestia's sake, why was she feeling so bad? She hadn't the answer and Pegliacci didn't seem he was about to provide one. He was patiently waiting, his eyes fixed on her.
After a moment, her cries stopped. She realised she had kept so much in her and she she had needed to let this all out. She somehow felt relieved.
"I apologize for making a scene," she said after she was sure she had enough control over her voice. "I didn't want to waste your time." The clock on the wall was indeed showing that she had been here for almost twenty minutes.
"As I already told you Miss Melody, that's perfectly fine. And because I believe you are here for a consultation, there is one thing you must remember above all else, especially if you're willing that we meet again after today. Your time here can be spent however you want. If you want to talk, we talk. If you want to stay quiet, we stay quiet."
"I... don't understand," she said hesitantly.
"You don't have to for now."
The idea was surprising but she was here to talk. Maybe she would figure that out later. And thus, she started explaining to a total stranger what happened to her roommate – no, her friend-, how it had started with a phone call, and how it had lead Vinyl to be in this state. During her talk, Mr Pegliacci didn't barely say anything, simply nodding or encouraging her to continue the story.
"That covers pretty much everything," concluded Octavia.
"I see," was all she got for an answer.
She looked at the pegasus. She couldn't find any clue about what he was thinking of her story. Furthermore, because he wasn't saying anything, Octavia supposed she had to keep on speaking. But about what?
She hadn't the the time to figure out a new topic, Mr. Pegliacci surprisingly resuming the conversation with a question.
"Miss Melody, what did you expect when you come to see me?"
"What did I...?" she repeated. "I... suppose I expected some help... and a chance to vent a bit. I don't really know."
"Is that all?" he asked.
"Maybe some advice too. I want to know what I could do to help Vinyl."
"Well, from what you and my colleagues have told me, I'm afraid there isn't any advice I could provide today. Because I've not met your friend yet, all I could do is guessing why she started drinking and which form her addiction takes. And believe me" he added, "even if there is a lot of guessing in my field, the chances are pretty high that whatever I could tell you about Miss Scratch wouldn't help her. Even worse, I would be completely wrong and it could hurt her."
"So what can I do?" she pleaded, feeling she had repeated that question too often.
"For your friend, nothing much."
"You're telling me that I'm wasting my time here?" she retorted sharply.
"If you think so, feel free to leave," he suggested, pointing to the door.
She started to get up. Everypony seemed to be helpless -so why bother?- but she stopped mid-course. She was here for Vinyl and maybe she could get something from all this. Moreover, his comment felt more like an observation than an order. So she sat back and the pegasus spoke again before she could formulate any apology, as if nothing had happened.
"Even if there isn't much you can do for Miss Scratch, you can do much more for yourself, as long as you're willing to invest in our interview. You have told me you were seeking advice and you will need them if you are going to deal with your friend. Tell me, what do you know about addiction?"
She thought for a moment. "I guess the addicts can't stop by themselves, and... the more they take, the more they need..."
"This is both correct and wrong," he commented. "You see, this phenomenon is indeed very powerful. It can lead ponies to do some hurtful things they would have never thought they would do just to get what they need but I've already seen some ponies able to quit by themselves. And it's true that usually, addicts tend to need more as their addiction grow, but sometimes, they can take the same amount for twenty years and never realize they have a problem, until the day they don't have access to it and suffer withdrawal for the first time. For the alcoholics, it's more pernicious because of the simple fact that alcohol is legal and can be bought in pretty much every store. Moreover, you can't really attend any party or any gathering without finding some. That's one of the main reason why alcoholism is the hardest addiction to quit. Only a third manages to never drink again."
This information felt like a slap on her hope. "Only a... third?" she asked, only answered by a nod from the pegasus. "And... what are the other reasons?"
"Unlike other drugs like heroin, alcohol leaves a strong memory trace. A pony who has quitted for twenty years will feel the same withdrawal than when it was his first day without it. Unfortunately, when you are an alcoholic, it's for life."
"Holy Celestia..." she whispered. "This is hopeless."
"Indeed," he replied to Octavia's surprise, "because there is no place for hope in curing an addiction. Only with time, patience and abnegation. Are you sure to be ready for all this?"
She pondered the thought, remembering the vow she made earlier. "I am" she assured without any tremor in her voice.
"Good. I'm afraid that our conversation has to end here," he said looking at the clock, "but I suggest we meet again next week, at the same hour. Will you be free?"
"I'll manage to be so. Thank you Doctor," she said, standing from the couch and shaking the pegasus' hoof.
"One last thing before you go, something more down to earth" he called while Octavia was at the door. "From next week, the therapy session is seventy bits. And before you ask, there are reasons why it's this way, reasons that we can discuss next time if you want."
"That's fine," she simply replied before leaving the office.
Once the door closed, she let out a long sigh, feeling her tension loosening for the nth time today. She regretted she hadn't take a moment to speak about her fear or her angst but she had somepony else to talk to. Lyra was waiting so she went to meet her, hoping that Vinyl would soon wake up so that she could finally start doing something for her.