//------------------------------//
// Chapter 31 - Inside 
// Story: Sensation (SFW Version) 
// by Vivid Syntax 
//------------------------------//

Braeburn's legs shook, and his lips quivered. "This ain't right. This ain't right!"

"C'mooooon," I teased from the air beside him. "We're barely off the ground."

Braeburn stood on a raised platform about three meters high. It was sturdy and made of dark wood, and it jutted out like a diving board. Under it was a puffy cloud about the size of a double-wide train car, and under that was a deep pool of water. The whole thing was in the middle of a grassy, fenced off area in the middle of a large plain that was dotted with big stretches of fabric: the Aero Tours balloon launch in the rural outskirts of Manehattan. The breeze softly blew hints of the stale city to our noses, but the air was mostly fresh, and the sun was bright and warm on our backs. On Braeburn's hooves, four brand-new horseshoes glowed a faint silver. He fidgeted at the edge of the platform, keeping his eyes on the cloud that was just a half a step below him.

I landed on the cloud and jumped on it a few times. "See? Nothing to worry about."

Braeburn frowned. "Maybe not for you. You don't need fancy metal doohickeys to keep you from fallin' right through that thing." He crouched down and shrunk. "I don't want another broken leg, Soarin'."

Our guide, a bouncy, buttercream-colored earth pony stallion named Dizzy Heights, stood on the ground at the edge of the pool of water. His puffy, off-white mane was almost completely covered by his aviator's cap, goggles, and scarf that all looked like they were more for fashion than for function, but hey, if you're living the dream, why not look the part, right? "Aw, you've got nothing to worry about, Mr. Braeburn. These shoes are completely safe. I use them myself, and in ten years of giving ponies tours, I've never seen even one of them fail."

"Wh… W-What happens if they do fail?" Braeburn whimpered as his eyes widened and his face turned white.

Dizzy Heights gave him a calm, reassuring smile. "That's why they have the extra safety enchantments. We'll test those next. For now, just tell yourself to breathe, and try stepping onto the cloud."

Braeburn looked at me with pleading eyes.

I smiled at him. "Don't worry, Applebutt. I'll catch you."

Slowly, Braeburn searched my face, then smiled back. "Okay, Big Blue." With a deep breath, he stood up straight and closed his eyes. His jaw quivered, but he stood firm, and even though I could see the hints of about thirty flavors of fear race across his face, I knew he could do it. He held a hoof out in front of him, leaned forward…

…and screamed as I jumped into the air, dashed behind him, and plucked him up right before he hit the cloud. "GAH!" I'd only lifted him half a meter, but he squirmed like I was a hawk picking off a mouse. "What the hell, Soarin'?"

Calmly, I nuzzled his head and said, "Whaaaat? I said I'd catch you."

After a couple seconds, Braeburn stopped squirming and relaxed in my forelegs. I could feel his breathing slow down, and it had a calming effect on me, too. Bodies are weird. And nice. His body's nice. "You're lucky you're cute, Big Blue," he said, nuzzling me back. I kept us up there so I could enjoy feeling him. "You, uh… you can let me go now."

I pretended to think about it. "Mmm… Sorry, Applebutt. Not gonna happen." A quick squeeze. "I like you too much."

He laughed and said, "Soarin', I'm serious. We're just gonna get hurt like this." He started wiggling. "I'll be okay. You can – hrng! – let me go." 

I smiled wickedly, said, "Nah," and beat my wings just a little harder. We started rising up.

Braeburn struggled more. I could feel him tense up again, and part of me wanted to give in, but I just couldn't stop myself. "Soarin'! Please!"

That fear in his voice did get to me, though, and I felt a pang in my heart. I… didn't want him to know how hard it was for me, though, so I rolled my eyes and sarcastically said, "Weeeeeell, if you really wa–"

He wiggled free.

My heart stopped. "Dammit!" My wings flailed, and I jerked my head down to see Braeburn slip out of my hooves. My legs stretched out to reach him, but there was no getting him back. He glanced back up at me with sad, scared eyes, and I braced myself for the impact.

…which was really just a tiny puff of white. He'd only fallen about half a meter, after all.

Still, I felt heavy, and I lowered my head as I fluttered down to the cloud. "Sorry, Braeb–"

"Now, I told you!" he spat, jumping to his hooves. "Why didn't you just…. Ugh." He sighed. "Ya' gotta work on that, okay Big Blue?" 

I looked up. "I will, Braeburn. I… don't really know why I did that." Maybe part of me knew it deep down, but I wasn't ready to think about it yet. The only thing that came to mind was, "I just… I really like holding you, you know?" It was the only way I could think of to describe it.

Braeburn's voice was a little softer. "Well, I like holdin' you, too, but–"

"I mean it," I said, looking at him directly. "Like, I just want to be next to you all the time. It's not like anypony I've been with. I like touching you and feeling you and being close to you and… and it kinda drives me nuts, I guess." I shrugged. "You make me happy, and I want you to be happy, and I get excited, and that makes me act stupid. Does… that make sense?"

Braeburn paused and gave me a small smile. "Yeah. It does." He walked to me, sat down, and hugged me. "I get it. Don't fret, Big Blue. I get it."

I hugged back. "Thanks, Applebutt." My voice turned shaky and quick. "I'm really sorry, though. Can I make it better? I-I want to make it better!"

"Well," he said, sighing and squeezing me more tightly. "You could start by tellin' me what cloud tastes like."

"What do you–"

POMPF!

"…dammit," I mumbled through a mouthful of cloud.

In case you're curious: it tastes like bland ice cream and dried mud.

"Aaahahaha!" Braeburn roared, falling onto his back and wiping a tear from his eye. "A-ha! Ha! Whew!"

I popped my head out of the cloud and half-smiled, half-growled at him. "Oh, you're bucking done!"

I tackled him, and we rolled around on the cool cloud, tickling and wrestling and laughing. He rolled on top of me, but then I jammed a hoof into his sides, and he collapsed, giving me a chance to get back on top. But then he just lifted me up with those sexy, strong, sexy, sexy hind legs of his, and we started all over again. I think Dizzy said something from the ground, but he was laughing along with us, too. We kept going until we tumbled off the cloud, and as soon as we started falling, Braeburn's horseshoes lit up. We heard a quick FWOOMP sound as a magical bubble formed around us, and, with our legs still intertwined, we laughed as we slowly floated down to the ground next to Dizzy. The bubble disappeared.

Dizzy spoke up once we'd calmed down and untangled ourselves. "See? Perfectly safe, no matter how much you try to give me a heart attack," he said, patting his chest twice.

We stood up on the grass, and I looked at Braeburn with a goofy, love-drunk look on my face. "So, feel safe yet?"

He smiled and rubbed his head under my chin. "Yeah, I do."

Dizzy was pretty quick. He gathered all our bags in one place, and an assistant helped him bring it all across the large, open field to the hot air balloon launch. We followed him until the big balloon was swelling in front of us, huge and imposing, made of a heavy nylon fabric and colored bright red with a single blue stripe and "Aero Tours" in big, blocky lettering. The basket looked like it was wicker, but much heavier, and several other balloons were scattered in the field around us. Most were rolled up, but a few were partially inflated. Dizzy trotted up to our balloon with a bounce in his step and his head held high.

Braeburn's jaw hung open as he took it all in. "You never run out of surprises, do you, Big Blue?"

"Nnnnnope!" I said in my Big Mac voice.

Braeburn laughed. "It, uh… It looks mighty wobbly in that basket, though…"

Dizzy overheard him. "Don't worry, Mr. Braeburn! It's weighted pretty heavily to keep it from swaying too much in the wind. I promise I'll deliver you both safely." As we arrived at the basket and climbed inside, he turned to me. "It might be tempting, Mr. Soarin', but please don't try any takeoffs from the basket. I'll warn you, it'll be slow going compared to what you're used to, but it's safer for all of us if you stay inside." He winked at me. "Plus, I've still got your deposit."

I looked over at Braeburn, who was rapidly tapping his hooves on the edges of the basket and humming to himself. His tail twitched a little, and his ears flicked, and he nodded his head along with whatever he was humming. Yeah, he was nervous, but I couldn't wait to see his reaction once we were in the air. He was going to have a great ride, and I got to be there with him during his first flight.

Dizzy went over a few more safety instructions, and Braeburn asked one more time if I wanted shoes of my own. I didn't, and soon, we were ready for takeoff.

Dizzy fired up the red gem that lifted the balloon, and a few other workers started undoing the anchor ropes. From inside the small basket, I wrapped my wing around Braeburn's back. His face looked a little pale, and I asked, "You okay, Applebutt?"

He smiled and shook his head as he let out a shuddering breath. "Uh-huh. Just a little scary leavin' everything behind and all, and the height certainly won't help."

I hugged him closer and said, as cheerfully as I could, "It'll be great! There's tons of stuff to do in Cloudsdale, and the air's always clean, and the rest of the 'Bolts are going to love you just as much as I do." I kissed his cheek. "Aaaaand if they give you any trouble, they're fired." Braeburn laughed, and I finished with, "You're gonna feel right at home. I promise."

"Once we clean up your parlor, you mean," he said with a nudge.

My face scrunched up, and I remembered that my parlor was still mostly trashed from my… little episode after I'd been cut. "Weeeeell, it's–" I looked away. "There's just a few piles, and…" My face felt hot.

Braeburn cuddled me. "How 'bout we cross that bridge when we come to it?" 

"Deal," I said, stroking his back with my wing.

Dizzy rubbed the gem again and asked, "You both ready?" We nodded, and he gave the signal to the assistant, who was standing next to our last tether to the ground. "All right, then. Hold on, because here we go!"

With a small jerk, the balloon lifted into the air, and Braeburn squeaked from the sudden movement. The takeoff was rougher that I was used to, so I could only imagine what it was like for him. He didn't start cowering, though. Instead, he perked up, opened his eyes wide, and shouted, "Hoo-wee! I… wow!" He kept his eyes locked onto the ground as we drifted further upwards, craning his neck as it all sunk away. "Would ya'… wow," he said breathlessly.

I bumped his cheek with my nose. "There's more than just grass, Brae."

He looked up, and his jaw dropped. "Oh my stars!" We had a beautiful view of the horizon, even though we were only about fifty meters up. Manehattan was off to our left, and we could see further and further the more we ascended. After just a few more seconds, we could make out Honeycrisp's orchard in the late morning sun, and once we'd gotten up higher, I pointed out the lake we'd been at for our date. More and more came into view, from a train heading back east to a small farming town to the ocean past Manehattan. It was a clear, beautiful day without much wind, and Braeburn cuddled into me more.

I liked that feeling. Braeburn's skin was warm on mine, protecting my side from the cool air, and he snuggled close, taking in everything that he could. He trusted me. He wasn't looking away or hiding, even though part of him had to be terrified. He wanted to be next to me, which is right where I wanted him, too. We trusted each other, and I wish that feeling could have lasted forever.

I looked over my shoulder and saw Dizzy beaming at us. When he saw me looking, he shook his head and softly said to himself, "I love my job."

Dizzy and I chatted, and I split my attention between our conversation and Braeburn, who was drinking in the scenery. He looked like a colt that had just been given his own personal swimming pool full of ice cream. Part of me wanted to badger him about what he was feeling and thinking, but I remembered back to my own first flight. It's a special moment, one you have to process for yourself, and I wanted Braeburn to have that moment, too. Dizzy certainly didn't need to worry about me flying out of the basket, though. I was perfectly content watching Braeburn experience that first big rush.

We made it to the Cloudsdale landing without any trouble. Probably the same one you used, actually, the one north of the city. It's not like a train station or anything else, since there's not enough traffic for that. Plus, you know, balloons need a lot of space, so there's not much there but an office and a small building that sells vacation upgrades and souvenirs and stuff. There's also a sky taxi service, which amounted to three carts with bored-looking pegasi hitched up to them.

Dizzy brought us in for a perfect landing, and a few pegasus technicians quickly secured the balloon in place with giant ropes once we'd stopped. He looked over his shoulder at us. "So, have fun?"

Braeburn grinned from ear to ear. His eyes were bright, and his tail thrashed rapidly behind him. He squeaked.

Dizzy chuckled. "Yeah, I thought so. Pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Braeburn, and you, too, Mr. Soarin'."

Braeburn finally snapped out of his daze and rubbed up against me. "I just… I– wow. Thanks, Big Blue. Gonna remember that forever."

I rubbed back. "Me, too, Applebutt."

I fluttered out of the basket and onto the wide open cloud, and then I looked back at Braeburn. He was hesitating, so I asked, "Need me to catch you again?"

He smiled and hopped out of the basket. I saw the panic flash across his face as his hoof sank just a tiny bit, but he let out a big breath once he was sure he wasn't falling. He stomped on the cloud a few times and nodded to himself. "I think I'll be okay."

We thanked Dizzy, and I let him keep the deposit for a tip. He was super appreciative. 

We grabbed our bags, hired a sky taxi, and got in. The taxis are modeled after the chariots that the princesses use, but obviously the company's are a lot more basic. They're made of well-crafted clouds, decorated with curvy designs and a little Magi-mist coloration to show off the company colors (Aero Tours' red and blue again). They've also got rope harnesses inside and a wooden hitch for the driver, and they've even got these, like, little divots at the front that I think you're supposed to put your sunglasses in or something, but they're way too small to be practical. The driver was a burly, red pegasus stallion. He was pretty quiet, and his ass was just kinda meh, but at least he was understanding when we told him to take the long route back to the Estates.

The ride back to my place was pretty chill. We flew low, both because most pegasi don't fly at that level and because Braeburn didn't want to risk getting too high up. I mean, even at the speed and height we were at, a crash would have sucked, but I didn't want to worry him. Instead, I pointed out some of the sights to Braeburn as we flew over them, and our driver was great about slowing down after I told him we weren't in a hurry. We flew by the weather factory, the school I went to as a kid, and even the hill where Dad and I went stargazing that one time.

"Jeez," Braeburn said loudly over the wind as his tail whipped behind him. He held tightly onto his hat. "It's gonna take me a lifetime to see all these places, Soar!"

"What do you mean?" I said back in a loud, clear voice.

"Well, this is where you grew up! You got to see my parents' farm and my room and my, uh…" He blushed. "…special drawings. I wanna see all the little bits of your life, too!"

I heart fluttered, and I said back to him, a little louder, "Awesome! I'm gonna show you everything! You'll love it, Applebutt."

We avoided downtown Cloudsdale, which was a shame, since there's so many cool clubs and buildings there, but that would have absolutely drawn more attention than we wanted.

About ten minutes later, we started our descent to the outside of the Estates, and I started bobbing my head and rocking back and forth as the reality hit me. My throat felt tight, and lips felt dry.

Braeburn saw me rocking slightly. "You nervous?" he asked.

I nodded. "Eh, a little."

"More than a little?" He bumped his flank into mine.

"Well, yeah. I mean, you're going to be living here, right? I want it to be perfect for you, but I don't really even know how to make you comfortable. Plus, I suck at decorating. It's pretty bare."

He smiled at me. "It'll be fine, Big Blue. We'll make it our own. And hey, it'll give me somethin' to do, especially if there's not much that needs cleanin'."

My face scrunched up, "Weeeeell…" I looked away.

"Heh heh. Besides the parlor, right?"

His smile and a nudge relaxed me. I didn't even want to think about the piles of broken furniture that still littered the place, but he was ready to tackle it head-on. It's a small thing, but remembering his attitude that day has helped me a lot, especially with the physical therapy. "Right," I said with a sigh.

I was still breathing a little heavily when the driver dropped us off at the security checkpoint by the edge of the Estates. Officer Safe Haven was working that day, so checking in and letting him know about Braeburn didn't take long. He warned us, though, that a bunch of paparazzi had been hanging out lately and that security had to chase a few off. Eight or nine were apparently still drifting around the border of the property. Freaking vultures. 

Braeburn asked, "You really need all this security?"

"Kinda," I said as I nodded at Safe Haven and he motioned for us to pass. "A bunch of celebrities and rich pegasi live here, and we'd be swarmed with media ponies if we didn't have some security here all the time."

His voice got smaller as we stepped onto the grounds. "They, uh, ever come in anyway?" 

I cuddled him. "We'll be okay, Applebutt. They'll probably line up outside the border and hover overhead once they figure out we're back in Cloudsdale, but they'll go away once they realize there's no real story here. Something else will come up and grab their attention, and they'll forget about us in a week, tops."

They didn't.

Braeburn just cuddled back. "If you say so, Big Blue."

It was a short walk from the security checkpoint to the front door of my place: all we had to do was walk down the road, take the first right, and we were there, standing in front of my modest condo. I hadn't bothered to color the outside, so it shone a blinding white in the sun. The yard was big enough to play badminton in, but not much bigger, and the building's frame and big windows looked just like all the others on that block. Back then, I also had a doormat that was worn-out and said something stupid like "Nice junk! Wanna put it to good use?" or something. I dunno. Streak had gotten it for me as a joke gift. My door was right in front of us, and I got my key out of my bag.

But then, I hesitated. 

"You're blushin'," Braeburn said with a smirk.

I stared at the door and blew air out of my lips. "Iiiiit's pretty bad," I mumbled.

"Well, we can't fix it unless you let me in, can we?"

I paused. I'd been thinking for weeks about Braeburn being in my house. But now, it was real. A lot of expectations had built up since that night at Honeycrisp's, and they all bubbled up in my chest while he waited outside. I was ready, though. I told myself that Braeburn was different. He wasn't going to leave me, not like Mom or Dad or the 'Bolts. He'd chosen to stay, and that made it okay. I could let him inside.

Straightening my back, I unlocked the door for us. "Aaaaafter you!" I said it with a big, sweeping gesture and a bow. I think I did a pretty good job covering up my nerves.

Braeburn held his head high. "Thank you kindly." He marched inside, and I followed behind him, shutting the door and dropping my bags onto the floor. They didn't fall through, obviously – my condo was up to code with all the required enchantments – and I kept my eyes trained on Braeburn, holding my breath to see how he'd react.

And he reacted with Western grace. He walked slowly into the entry hall, looking at the pictures in the doorway and how the doors and ceiling were laid out. He would nod or shake his head at some little detail that I hadn't noticed in years, like the picture I'd taken with Spitfire after my first show or the way my coat rack had way too many hooks. His shoulders were up, and he radiated a kind of excited energy. It was different from the balloon ride: this one was more comfortable, like the kind you feel on the first day of a summer camp you've gone to every year for your whole life. I liked it.

Braeburn did, too. He looked over his shoulder and said, "Sorry, you're probably waitin' for…" He cleared his throat, put on a big goofy smile, then rolled his head around and said with a comically bombastic Western tone, "Whoa Nelly it's a fine place you got here." He tipped his hat, then swung his foreleg in front of him. "Why, I could see makin' like a rattler in a boot and stayin' a while!" He narrowed his eyes at me and smirked. "That better?"

I couldn't keep myself from giggling. I walked up to him and drug my body against his. "I like you."

He rubbed back. "I like you, too." He caught sight of the kitchen. "Oh, hey! I suppose this is where I'll be spendin' most of my time." He dropped his bags against the hallway wall and walked in. 

Braeburn started exploring, poking his head all around and just trying to feel it out. He was like a dog in a new park: he wanted to sniff everything and understand it all, from the medium-sized wooden table to the new-ish stove. He pulled out a few of the cloud drawers, ran a hoof along the countertop, and, eventually, looked in the fridge. "Hoo!" His hoof flew to his nose. "I suppose you didn't clean this out before you left."

It honestly didn't smell too different from usual, but yeah, it was pretty rank.

Braeburn quickly shut it and asked, "Got any baking soda? That'll help, at least."

I blinked.

He smiled. "It'll probably be with your spices. Heck, even if it's old, might do some good. Maybe we could even add some cinnamon or cardamom to cover it up in the short term. Where do you keep your baking supplies?"

I blinked.

Braeburn threw his head back. "Ha! Least I know how I can start earnin' my keep." He trotted over to the hallway and got some paper and a quill from his bag and then brought them to the kitchen table. "All right, so that's baking soda, a heap of herbs, some spices… Hey, you think they have fresh herbs at the… Never mind. Dried probably does fine to start with. Heh heh. Can't tell you how many times that stuff's saved my ass. Just a dash of cumin if your food's got nothin' goin' for it." He wrote things down furiously and spoke even faster. "Let's see, milk, eggs, apples of course, maybe some grains. I'll need to make a full list once I've been through everything. Shoot, don't even know where the grocer is. Ah well, I'll try to throw somethin' together for tonight. Maybe fry up some hay? Wonder where I'd get some hay?"

I walked up to the table, but even as I squinted, I couldn't read anything he'd written down. "Brae, you don't have to–"

"Oh, hush," he said, tapping me on the nose. He set his quill down and reached for my hoof. "It's the least I can do. Besides, I want to, Soarin'. You deserve a good meal every night. I'm almost afraid to ask, but what do you usually eat?"

With a shrug, I said, "I fill up on protein gruel at the Academy, then usually have fruit and, like, alfalfa or oats for dinner."

He looked like I'd kicked his puppy. "Poor thing. Small miracle you ain't fallin' out of the sky. You could use somethin' heartier. Course, I won't presume to be your nutritionist. Hate to make you too fat to fly. Ha!" He looked around and blushed. "Though, uh… Admittedly, it won't be like at Auntie Crisp's, least not right away. New kitchen and all. Might, uh, might actually need to rain check tonight. I'm not even sure what tools you have up here."

I smiled warmly. "No problem, Applebutt."

"Mind if I keep pokin' around? Kinda excitin' bein' in such a new kitchen, especially with all the counter space in here."

"Go ahead, babe."

My face just kind of melted into a permanent smile, and my heart felt warm. I sat at the kitchen table and just watched him dig through drawers and open cabinets. I hadn't known how he'd like my place (or even if he'd want to stay), but there he was, just exploring and examining and planning like he was already at home. He exuded that same aura again, the one that comes with a calm voice and comfortable breathing that you can't help but lose yourself in.

But it never lasts long enough. Braeburn's voice suddenly went stiff as he said, "Mighty, uh, mighty fine selection you got here. Uh…" I snapped back to the present and saw Braeburn standing with his hoof still on the cabinet handle. He was staring into my liquor cabinet, the one that was fully loaded with vodkas, rums, wines, scotches, and whiskeys, all of it top-shelf. "You certainly have the good stuff."

I blushed. "Uh… yeah. Is… that okay?"

Braeburn paused, then shook out his mane "Uh, sure!" He quickly shut the door and turned around, then sat down and started writing down more ingredients. "Could probably use a nicer mixing bowl and some spatulas," he mumbled.

I scooted closer. "You okay, Applebutt?"

He waved me away. His voice was stilted. "Aw, it's fine." There was a pause. His ear flicked, and he looked up to me, then slowed down. "I promise, Big Blue. Like you said, if I ain't happy, I'll tell you. It'll be fine. Don't you worry about me." He leaned over and kissed me.

I kissed back, but my wings drooped. "I-I can get rid–"

"It's fine, Big Blue. I promise. No need to get rid of it all for my sake. Heck, wouldn't be proper to waste so much high-quality liquor. I'll be fine." He nuzzled me again. "Besides, if you wanna clean up so much, I know where we can start." He jerked his head towards the parlor and stood up.

If I hadn't been so worried about the parlor, maybe I would have realized how desperate he was to change the subject. 

I jumped up and dashed over to stand between him and the room. "Okay, Braeburn, before you go in, I…" I saw his face. He was gentle, and he was smiling. 

It hurt to think I was about to disappoint him. That room was still so chaotic, so disorganized, and as we stood there, I had flashbacks to the incident, to the moment I'd realized how truly alone I was. I didn't want to think about it. The anger. The pain. Trashing everything. Feeling my uniform burn as it rested on my body until I had to throw it off of me. I couldn't even look inside.

But Braeburn's face… He looked so kind. He didn't try to force his way past me or tease me. He just… knew how hard this was for me, and he was willing to wait.

And I felt my shoulders relax, and I let him inside.

Braeburn walked as easily into the parlor as he had around his own house. I focused on him as he slowly meandered into the center of the room and saw everything: the cracked lamp, the busted chair, the ruined art, the bookcase, and the broken couch with my inside-out uniform still bunched up in the middle. I flinched when I saw it all, but Braeburn was steadfast, and what he said surprised me. "This ain't so bad."

I was convinced he was wrong. The panic and the tension flooded back to my muscles, and I thought, 'Can't he see how messed up it is? Everything's broken! It's gone. Trashed. Ruined.' I screwed my eyes shut, but again, he waited, and when I looked up again, he was still there, still exuding that aura.

He smiled. "It's tough to face, ain't it?"

I stepped inside and admitted, "Yeah, it is." Piles of salvageable pieces and trash were still there from when I'd tried to fix it myself, but it still looked awful. There were still splinters and jagged edges and broken pieces everywhere, and my uniform still lay on the couch inside-out, crumpled, and sagging. It felt dangerous to even be in there, like we could get hurt even just trying to find all the things wrong with it. "I don't even know where to start."

Braeburn saw me staring at my uniform. Casually, he walked up to the couch and picked up my uniform. With deft hooves, he turned it right side out, folded it, and creased it nicely. He looked back at me and smiled. "We already have."

It's amazing how much difference a small change can make.

Braeburn turned and started picking up the splinters, and when I told him he didn't have to, he told me he wanted to. He wanted to be there for me, no matter how much of a mess I'd made. "We're going to fix it together."

It was so much easier with Braeburn there. He didn't even take a break to put his own stuff away. He collected all the splinters, assessed the rest of the damage, and even though he said it would take a lot of time, he told me he could fix it all. I believed him, and even though that room had been a giant hole in the center of my house for so many weeks, I finally felt like it wasn't so empty anymore.

While he worked on the little pieces, I ironed my shirt, and Braeburn was impressed with how crisp I got it. He said he never could have gotten it that smooth, especially with the shoulder tabs. "Wouldn't even know what to do with those." My chest swelled.

By the time we were done with the first pass, we had a bag of garbage at the back door. I finally gave Braeburn the rest of the tour: the main level rooms, the closets, upstairs to the bathroom, the guest bedroom, the office… He loved it all, especially our bedroom. 

Braeburn marveled as he walked into it. "Really feels like it melts out into the sky." It was true. That's how I liked it, after: an extension of the sky that made me feel free, and I was relieved he liked it, too. Besides the blue door, there wasn't much decoration at all: just the king-sized bed, the end tables, and the dresser with the bobbleheads and the camera and the, uh… 

…

Oh, and the mirrored closets, the ones that I could just stare into and feel like I was flying. He really liked those.

Braeburn looked back at the bed, then at me. His eyes darted back and forth between it and me, and a smile slowly curled across his face. "So," he said, rocking back and forth on his hooves. "Not many earth ponies get to experience that good ol' southern comfort on a cloud." He lowered his voice, stuck out a pouting lip, and looked up and to the side. "I mean… I certainly haven't." He smirked at me, narrowed his eyes, and spoke very, very slowly. "At least, not yet."

We fixed that. We fixed that right away.

Braeburn loved it. He said that the cool, soft cushion of my cloud mattress made his skin tingle, and the way I hold him without putting pressure on his back made him feel safe. While we were at it, he said he felt like he was truly weightless. 

We cuddled for a few minutes, hot and sweaty on the cool mattress. The room was peaceful. Quiet. And that was okay. My Applebutt was with me, and everything was okay. We clung together in each other's forelegs for about twenty minutes until I had to use the bathroom. I got up, and Braeburn sat up with me, looking around as I left the room. I left just as he was sighing with contentment. It was better than okay. It was perfect.

It amazed me how easily things were falling into place. Braeburn was home with me. He was comfortable. We'd gotten to my condo without getting caught. We were getting a moment of privacy, which is more than we could have hoped for, and everything felt right.

But… when I came back, I…


* * * * *


Soarin' glides to the ground and walks next to me. His shoulders slump, and his wings droop, and his pace slows. 


* * * * *


When I came back, I seized up at what I saw. Braeburn wasn't on the bed. He was sitting in front of my dresser holding a dusty picture.

That picture.

The one that I couldn't throw out but always kept face down, because I couldn't stand looking at it.

Braeburn looked at me. He was frowning, and it wasn't hard to figure out why. "I'm sorry for snooping, Soarin'," he said quietly. "I-I… There was all this dust on the back, and I didn't…" He hung his head low, still holding the frame.

Instinct kicked in, and for a second, I was more worried about him than the photo. Love's a powerful thing, isn't it?

I walked over, threw a wing around him and hugged him close to me. We looked at the photo together. 

It hadn't changed since the last time I'd seen it, which must have been when I'd moved into my condo years before. It still showed three ponies. Three smiling, hugging ponies. A stallion, a mare, and a colt, all slightly different shades of light blue. It was Hearth's Warming Eve, and even though the ponies took up most of the frame, a few decorations and unwrapped boxes peeked around them from the background. The colt had his mother's blue mane and his father's green eyes. He wore his brand-new airball helmet and pads, smiling a bright, open-mouthed smile while his mother, a thin, beautiful mare, held him to her chest, barely able to get him to sit still. Her coat was the lightest – a powder blue, almost white – and her midnight blue mane was carefully styled and had a minty green streak in it. The stallion, big and stocky with a cerulean coat and a short-cropped silver mane, had one foreleg around his wife, and the two grown-ups rested their heads against one another. The scene was warm, and above everything else, the three ponies looked happy. Serene. Full of joy and excitement and humble gratitude for all the things they had and for all the things still ahead.

I felt myself frowning, and my heart felt heavy. My wing loosened around Braeburn's back, and the scene was suddenly blurry.

Braeburn nuzzled me under my chin and gently broke the silence. "Last Hearth's Warming together?"

"Yeah," I said in a choked whisper. I swallowed and said, a little louder, "She, uh… left about four months later. I think stuff was al–" I cleared my throat and gave myself a second. "Stuff was already falling apart by then, but, like…"

When I didn't continue, Braeburn motioned with his head towards the bed. We walked over to it and lay down together, half sitting up against the headboard. I set my head on his chest, and he wrapped a foreleg around me, still holding the picture where we could both see it. I cuddled into his chest. He stroked my back, right near the joints of my wings. 

There was this little ball of feelings in my chest. It was dark. It was tangled. I didn't want to think about it, but as long as that picture was in front of me, I couldn't push it back down and out of the way like I was used to doing.

Braeburn petted me more. He didn't rush me.

There were a lot of things I wanted to say. Lots that I tried to say, but nothing came out. Braeburn sensed it. He must have. "It's okay, Soarin'."

That voice of his. My eyes closed, and my heart opened. "Mom and Dad had already started arguing before Hearth's Warming season. The holiday stress didn't help, especially since my grandma Heaven Drop had passed away just beforehand. You would have liked her. She was from the country and taught me how to make green popcorn balls once, and she was always interested in what I was learning and how my new toys worked, and she always talked about how smart I was getting. She was nice…" 

I realized I was getting side-tracked. "But… yeah. Things weren't going well. Mom and Dad tried to hide it for a while, but that autumn, something started happening, over and over. I'd be playing and they'd be talking about something I wasn't paying attention to, but then, it would change. Something about their tone would shift, slowly at first, and then more obviously. If one of them was holding me or petting me, they'd set me down or stop touching me altogether. The air would seem stale all of a sudden, and I'd get this weird, gnarled feeling in my chest, the same thing I got whenever I did something wrong. Then one of them, usually Mom, would say they should 'speak about this privately.' They'd disappear behind that stupid green door of theirs, and I wouldn't want to play anymore. I'd just sit there, waiting for them. Sometimes I couldn't hear anything, and sometimes I'd hear shouting, and it was the worst to hear the shouting and then the nothing. Then they'd come out, not speaking to each other, and Mom would go downstairs. Dad would come back and try to play with me, but his smile always looked broken."

Braeburn stopped petting me for just long enough to squeeze me, just long enough to let me know he was still there.

"They spent more time apart, and soon it seemed like we didn't have dinner as a family anymore. Mom would say she had more holiday shopping to do and come back with nothing, and Dad would go out with his friends after work and not come back until late at night. They both worked at the weather factory – that's where they'd met – but they stopped leaving the house together around the time that autumn changed to winter. Being at home wasn't as comfortable, and I started refusing to go home after school was done. They just… didn't feel like the same parents anymore."

Another squeeze.

I ran a hoof across my face and stretched out the baggy skin below my eye. "I think that's when I started having sleep problems, too. I never really got over that."

Braeburn stroked my mane, and he spoke softly with just a hint of reassuring optimism. "Seems like you're sleepin' a little better these days, at least."

He was right. I looked up and made eye contact. "Well, yeah. I've got somepony who…" I brushed his cheek, just to prove he was really there. "…who loves me, and I love him back." I gave him a large, sucking kiss on his belly, which rumbled with a quiet laugh. I set my head back down on his warm chest. "You've changed my life, Braeburn."

"You, too, Soarin'." He shifted beneath me, and suddenly my ear was up against his heart, where I could hear it beating. I never figured out if he'd meant to do that, but it made talking a lot easier.

"As Hearth's Warming got closer, though, things seemed to get better. Mom and Dad had more time off of work, and we spent every day together just doing fun stuff. One day, we went to the Wonderbolts museum, and another, we spent the whole day sledding and flying around at a big ski resort that sold super creamy hot chocolate. Every time they got to just hang out with each other, the tension dissipated a little, and for a few days, things felt normal again. Even the regular days where we weren't doing anything were better. One time, I got to spend almost a whole day at my friend Sky Spiral's house, and by the time I came back, they were–" My eyes widened a little. "Oh, ew!"

Braeburn tensed and sat up straighter. "What?"

"Ugh…" I groaned as I slapped a hoof to my face. "When I got back, they were both super smiley and relaxed and cuddling together on the couch, but they both stank, and I couldn't figure out why." I shuddered. "Ugh. They totally spent the day having make-up sex."

Braeburn laughed softly. "Heh heh. Terrifyin', ain't it?"

"Yeah."

"Eeyup. Mighty scary…" There was a short pause, and his voice dropped a few notches. "…thinkin' about your daddy stickin' his–"

"Braeburn!" My eyes shot wide open.

"Into your mom's v–"

"DUDE!!!" I wrapped my forelegs around his middle and squeezed as hard as I could, choking off his next word. 

"S'alright," he wheezed. "I wasn't gonna say it."

I started to let go.

He sucked in a breath and said, "Ya' know, they had to go through with it at least once." He kissed my forehead. "And I'm glad they did."

I calmed down a little. "Yeah…" Mercifully, my thoughts floated back to my story. "So…" I took a deep breath. "Eventually, it was Hearth's Warming Eve. We sat as a family in our house's parlor. Everything was decorated in gold, from Dad's favorite recliner to Mom's rocker to our family pictures and our bookcase. The coffee table was full of holiday knickknacks that Mom always liked, and a big tree sat in the corner of the room, lit with candles and sheltering a big pile of presents in shiny wrapping paper, almost all of them for me. That night, we got to open one present. I ended up opening the biggest box first, and inside were new airball pads and a helmet. It was everything I wanted! They were finally going to let me play after months of telling me it was too dangerous. I put it all on right away, and I almost completely forgot about my other gifts. I thought that was going to be the best part of the day."

My heart felt lighter, and a smile crept across my face. "But it wasn't. My parents got to open one, too, and... and it was like magic, Braeburn. I sat on the floor as Mom carefully unwrapped the small box that had been hastily wrapped in thin paper. Her jaw dropped as she saw it. Dad had carved a small jewelry box and hand-painted it with Mom's favorite shades of purple and blue, and he'd even set a few of her birthstones in around the rim. Inside was the pair of earrings she'd wanted, the ones that even she'd thought were too expensive. Mom was stunned, and she kept asking Dad how he'd managed to find the time and afford the earrings, and he just told her he'd found a way because he loved her. And when Dad opened his gift, wrapped up crisply in gold-spotted paper, he was speechless. She'd made him something, too: a scrapbook of their lives together. It had everything: pictures from some of their first dates, the pressed flowers from their engagement, an invitation from their wedding, the first picture of all three of us after I was born… and he cried. He sat there for so long, just staring at every page, until he finally remembered to look up. 

"They stared at each other, mouths hanging open. I remember that the whole room felt like it was glowing, frozen in a moment that I wanted to keep forever. Mom and Dad set their gifts down, walked over to each other, and hugged. They held each other tightly and took big, shuddering breaths and kissed each other over and over until they were both crying, and my heart felt too big for my chest, and before I knew it, I was hugging them, too, and they were laughing at how I was struggling to get my legs around both of them. We were together. We were a family.

"That's the night that I learned what love was. What family was supposed to be. All the fights and the cold shoulders were gone. We had each other. Everything was going to be fine. None of us needed to feel lonely or scared, and as we set up the camera to take that picture, I thought…"

My smile slowly faded.

"I wanted to believe, Braeburn. They were so happy that day. I wanted it to last forever. I still remember the way she held me and said that I had better keep my guards on to protect me from all her hugs. Dad… laughed a lot at that." 

My voice was getting quieter. "I wish I had his laugh. It was loud and full, and it always made me smile."

For almost a minute, neither of us said anything.

"I'm sorry, Big Blue." Braeburn hugged me with one hoof. "You… ever try to talk to her? About all this?" 

It was tough enough just talking to him. "I've thought about it. I sent her a letter once, after Dad died, but then she just sent me a sympathy card back. 'Sorry for your loss.' And I just… couldn't. It was so cold and detached. She'd moved on. She offered to pay for part of the funeral if I needed the help, but that's basically all it said. She didn't really care about Dad, and I guess she didn't really care about me, either. I didn't want to think about her anymore. I didn't want to look at her, either, but… I can't get rid of it, Braeburn. It was the last time we were really a family. I want to pretend that that's how it ended, like it never had to change."

Braeburn set the picture down on the bedside table next to him. He sighed. "I know we've already been over this, but you should talk to her, Soarin'." When I winced, he added, "I mean it. For your sake."

I didn't want to. "Maybe."

He squeezed me again. "I hope you do, Soarin'. Hell, take from me. It feels a lot better when you finally tell your mom what you think of her parenting."

I sighed. "Maybe."

There was a long pause, and Braeburn nudged me. "Aw, but look at us mopin'." His voice was cheerier. "Today's a happy day. Let's get outta here before the bed gets soggy."

I looked up at him. He was so beautiful. "Clouds don't get soggy."

"Well, before it gets so heavy that it starts rainin', then." He chuckled. "But all the same, let's finish cleanin' up and figure out dinner. Might have to have that champagne you stashed in the back of that cabinet, too."

I looked into his bright eyes, and everything was clear: his warm smile, his sad eyebrows, the way he kept looking at me with both his ears pointed directly at me in case I wanted to say more. Everything about him – and the fact that he was there at all – said more than his words ever could, and suddenly, everything was light again. "Thanks, Brae."

He kissed my forehead. "Any time. I love you, Big Blue."

My skin still tingles when I remember him saying it.

We got up and went back downstairs. I grabbed a couple bags, and we stuffed everything that couldn't be salvaged into them. I was surprised how much Braeburn said he'd be able to restore, and you saw what a great job he did. Even if you can still see where everything was broken, I think he made it all stronger. He didn't just fix it. He restored it and made it okay to bring others inside. He made it better. We made it better. Together.

We ditched the garbage bags in the big receptacle behind my condo, and right when we got back into the kitchen, we heard a knock on the door. Braeburn went wide-eyed. "The papers?"

I smiled. "Nah." I knew who it would be. We walked over to the door, and as I opened it, I said, "Gooood afternoon, gorgeous!"

From outside, my neighbor Dazzling Sundrop smiled back at me, a small saddlebag draped over her back. Her yellow mane and orange coat glittered. And she was totally wearing makeup. "Well, nice to see you, too!"

I let her in. "Braeburn, this is Dazzling Sundrop. She's my neighbor. Daz, this is Braeburn. Braeburn's sexy."

"I can see that," she cooed as she batted her eyes towards Braeburn.

Braeburn blushed and rolled his eyes, but he still tipped his hat to her. "Pleased to meet you, Daz."

She bowed politely. "Pleasure's all mine. And Soarin's from the sound of it." She turned to me. "Sorry to be short, but I need to run. There was a malfunction at the weather factory, and I have a lot to do before tonight."

I narrowed my eyes. "Got a date with that doctor from a couple streets over?"

"Maybe," she said coyly.

I looked at Braeburn. "She's just dating him for his money."

"Oh, don't be silly," she said, waving a hoof. She dead-panned at Braeburn, "I'm dating him for his stock options. They always forget those in the pre-nup."

Daz and I roared in laughter at Braeburn's twisted, disgusted expression. When we calmed down, she said, "Oh, no. I really like Mender. He's great. But I shouldn't gab. I just wanted to give you your mail and deliver a couple messages. You really need to let the post office know when you'll be away, Soarin'."

"Sorry, Daz. I'll work…" I cocked my head to the side. "Messages?"

She passed me a pile of mail – mostly junk – and said, "Fire Streak and Spitfire. Actually, they've been coming over a couple times a day. Started about a week ago. When I asked them what was up, they told me you needed to go see Bottom Line as soon as you could."

My stomach dropped.

Braeburn looked at me. "Your manager, right?"

I bit my lip. "Yeah." If he'd been looking for me, it couldn't have been good. "Daz, did they say what he wanted?"

She shook her head. "They just said it was urgent. And that they'd keep an eye out for you. Fire Streak especially seemed concerned. He really wanted to talk to you before you went to see Bottom Line, I think. If I were you, Soarin', I wouldn't wait."

I looked at Braeburn. He had such soft, concerned eyes. "Brae…" I didn't want him to face any of my drama that quickly. I wanted it to be our night. But it never works out that nicely, does it? I sighed. "I'm sorry, but I–"

He nodded. "We should go now. It'll be easier to do it today before the paparazzi figure out we're here."

I shook my head. "No, Brae, you don't have–"

"Bullshit," he said, nuzzling me firmly. "I'm stickin' by you, Big Blue, papers or no."

And he did. I'll always love him for that, especially since neither of us knew how much I'd need him at the Academy.