//------------------------------// // The Apple Cider // Story: The Equestrian Honor Guard // by Honored Service //------------------------------// The Equestrian Honor Guard Chapter 14 By Honored Service The party went on late into the night. The ponies all seemed to warm up to me to some degree. I wasn’t feared as much as I had been, but I still wasn’t accepted by most. They treated me as a neutral being. The mane 6 did treat me as a friend while other ponies just treated me as an acquaintance; but I expected this. I was a 6 foot tall, never been seen in thousand years creature. So I considered this whole thing to be going over quite well. I told stories to the group of ponies about my adventures in the Millennium Falcon and how thanks to me the universe had been saved from an evil Empire. I also told the story of a robot that came from the future to kill me because I was going to save the world in later in my life. Yes I did rip of Start Wars and Terminator, but it was all in good fun and I think that they all knew I was making it up. Everypony was having a good time until Pinkie Pie brought out the Apple Cider. Now in the show the apple cider had been nonalcoholic (I hope), but it was defiantly alcoholic at this party. I watched ponies start drinking the stuff and 2 cups later they would already be tipsy. Not drunk, but getting close to it. Either it was really strong stuff, or the colorful ponies just couldn’t handle their alcohol beverages. “Hey *hic* Johnson. Why don’t y’all try some *hic* some of mah family’s special hard cider? *Hic*” Applejack had managed to stumble up to me with a mug of the beverage balanced on her head. It would be oh so rude of me to turn down a drink from a friend. “Sure Applejack, one mug couldn’t hurt?” I gripped the mug in my hand and raised it up. “To a new life in a new wonderful world!” A round of stomping hooves echoed my statement. I tilted the drink back and downed it in one go. Hmm tasted just like soda. I smacked my lips; it tasted just like some kind of apple soda. “Wow that is some good stuff Applejack.” The cowpony was just staring at me in disbelief. “What? Do have something on my face?” I wiped my hand across my mouth to make sure that I didn’t have any foam on my lips. Nope all good here. She trotted off and came back with another mug. “Do that *hic* that again.” I picked up the mug and drank it just like the first. It honestly did taste like alcohol. Now I’m not a heavy party drinker, but I have been to some high school parties and I can handle my alcohol; but this wasn’t Earth alcohol. Like maybe .05%. Budweiser is stronger than this and that beer is like horse piss. Applejack just stared at me after I finished the second mug and waved to Rainbow Dash across the room. “RD, get over here *hic* ya’ gotta see this fella *hic* drink this.” Rainbow flew over, nearly crashing into the celling twice, and landed next to Applejack. “What is it AJ?” “Rainbow, hoof him cider.” She nodded to me once Rainbow Dash hoofed me the mug of the frothy drink. I downed it just like the last two. I was starting to wonder what was so amazing about me drinking this hard cider. Rainbow’s eyes grew wide as she watched me. She turned around and grabbed Applejack by the shoulders. “AJ do you know what this means?” “*Hic* Nah, What?” Applejack shock her head side to side trying to clear her groggy mind. “We can have Johnson here,” She pointed at the space next to me, “beat that heavy weight, Berry Punch!” Raibow flipped into the air and landed on her back. Standing back up, she looked at me. “Will you do a drinking contest human Johnson?” She hiccupped in the most adorable way. The way only a cute and colorful pony can. “Um yeah sure. I mean honestly this stuff tastes like soda to me, but a friendly challenge never hurt anyone right?” I shrugged and followed the two intoxicated mares towards another side of the room where a group of ponies had gathered around a single table that held a dark pink and purple pony. A few empty mugs were stacked around Berry Punch. She sat there looking normal other than for the slight blush across her muzzle. “Hey *hic* Berry, we got a challenger for ya’.” Applejack got behind me and pushed me forward with her head. Thank goodness she wasn’t a unicorn that would have hurt. “Yeah, and he’s totally gonna win.” Rainbow Dash slurred her words as she fell against the side of the table, causing a few of the empty mugs to roll onto the floor. She was out cold. Damn pegasus ponies must me-shades on- feather weights. Berry slumped back in her chair unimpressed, and placed a mug of cider on her head. “Is that so?” She looked me up and down, sizing up the strange human in front of her. “Alright, challenge accepted.” She stuck out a hoof, and I took it in my hand and shock my hand once. I sat down across from her as Pinkie Pie came out of nowhere and placed 25 mugs of cider in front of each of us. “Okay everypony…and everyhuman, the rules are simple. Whoever can drink the most without; fainting, passing out, throwing up, falling, sleeping, throwing up again or skipping a drink wins. READYSETGO!” I watched as Berry Punch slipped a hoof through the handle of the mug and downed it as fast I had done. Well I’m not about to be shown up at my party. I repeated the gesture and downed another. I’m a smart person; I wouldn’t let this get out of hand or hoof. ****************************************************************************** “Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!” The crowd that had now gathered around the table had tripled in size since the beginning of the drinking game. Basically it was a game to see who could pound back the most drinks the quickest. Berry Punch had started of faster than me, but I had caught up and was about to pass her. She was having a hard time focusing on the mug she was trying to grab. We were each on our 25th mug. I still wasn’t feeling a thing. Maybe like a sugar high or something but this pony alcohol just didn’t affect my metabolism or head. “See Twilight, I *hic* told you that he could really-“ Thump! There goes Applejack. Rainbow Dash and Applejack where out for the night. Pinkie Pie was still bouncing around. I really wouldn’t want to challenge her to this game. I know that she could physically drink more than me, I would burst from the amount of liquid I would consume trying to beat her. I haven’t seen Twilight Sparkle or Rarity drink anything. And really I have only seen Fluttershy at the very beginning of the party. I guess she wandered off somewhere. I’ll talk to her later, since she didn’t stick around. “Hm the human body must be extremely tolerant to the chemical makeup of alcohol.” Twilight pulled out a note pad and scribbled something down. “Or it’s the fact, that to me, this is soda on my world.” I slammed down my 25th mug of hard cider just as Berry Punch put hers down. “Howws that even posssssible? I can’t bel *hic* believe that you drank this much-“Thump! And down went the previous drinking champion. The ponies around the table stomped their hooves shouting, “Human! Human! Human! Johnson! Johnson! Johnson!” I stood up and bowed. I only wish that Berry was conscious so I could congratulate her on drink just as much as I did. Don’t want to be a dick to the ol’ girl. “Really? This is like soda on your Earth? Very interesting. I wonder if that is just hard cider, or if all alcohol on this planet is like that?” Twilight made another few notes and trotted off. Most likely to plan some sort of experiment to test this new theory. The party slowly began to die down after my drinking binge. Pinkie Pie gave me a small box filled with cupcakes. A note was attached to it. Enjoy the Cupcakes! Okay I needed to solve this mystery now. “So Pinkie, how do you know how to write in human?” I was very curious on how she possess the ability to do so. She rolled her eyes at me and snorted. “That’s easy! All you have to do is take out the pony lettering and leave the funny human English lettering, duh.” She skipped off like nothing had happened. Really? Was it really that simple? I walked over to a shelf that held a lots of cook books on it. The cover read; HunСdredто РReецcipептesов. After a few attempts I managed to cross eliminate the spelling and remove the non-English lettering and was left with, Hundred Recipes. Well I’ll be damned. Pinkie Pie had managed to break the Human-Pony writing barrier. It would just take time to read pony. I wouldn’t be able to speed read like Twilight, but I could at least read pony books and notes. I followed a group of slightly intoxicated ponies out of the building and down the road back towards the woods. They waved good bye as they turned down another street. Now it was just me strolling to the Everfree forest. “How was the party? Did everything go hearty?” Zecora trotted up behind me; joining me on my walk back to my camp in the dark forest. “Well once the ponies got over the initial shock’ everything went quite well Zecora. I may still be just an acquaintance to most of the population, but it sure is a lot better than being feared.” We moved into the forest, the moon light being lost to the canopy of the trees. “Yes I heard that it went well, that the ponies were under your speech spell.” We turned down the path heading straight for the zebra’s hut. “Well I am a good public speaker. I just calmly explained everything, and told them stories from my home planet. They seemed to enjoy it.” We reached the door together. I bid the rhyming zebra a good night, and she did the same. Once she entered her home and shut the door, I walked off towards my lean-to camp. I placed the box of sugary treats near my half empty pot of protein solution and removed my holster and belt. I replaced the firing pin in my rifle that was still resting against the tree where I had left it. I took of my jacket and hung it on the branch near my lean-to opening. Time for some sleep, tomorrow I would move my stuff to my new room in Sweet Apple Acers. So far, my life among the ponies was going well. As I laid down I felt the scroll crumble in my pocket. “Oh yeah, what is this?” I was alone so I guess it was safe to read it. I wonder if I would have to take the time to translate the scroll first. I pealed of the royal seal which was a horseshoe, how appropriate, and unrolled the rough paper scroll. Dear Johnson the Human, I hope that you are finding your stay in Equestria to be pleasant. I would like to extend my thanks, along with my sister’s, for saving a group of my little ponies. I was elated to hear that they were saved by an unknown creature that walked on two legs and put itself in danger to protect them. I’m sure that by now, you have heard of some of the ancient legends about the original Humans that once walked the Earth, and I’m sure that there are many questions you have regarding this. I will be happy to answer as many of them as I am able. Please have Spike (I know you know who this is) send a letter letting me know when you are able to meet. I will arrange a transport to the Castle, here in Canterlot. My sister and I look forward to your response and hope to see you soon. It has been over a thousand years since I have spoken to a human, and the last time was full of grief. Your friend, Princess Celestia P.S: If you are interested, perhaps we can work out a citizenship agreement for you. Well it looks like I would solve the mystery of ancient humans sooner than I thought. And I wouldn’t have to sneak into the Castle to do it either. Things were going good…maybe a little too good. This letter seems to promise me answers, but I know answers are never free.