//------------------------------// // Wings // Story: Live a Little // by Astrocity //------------------------------// I stare at my book as Fluttershy flutters in and out of the corners of my vision. A feather duster in her mouth sweeps over dusty shelves and items. Just an hour ago, she was sweeping the floor. An hour before that, she was taking out the trash, all while humming a song with lyrics that I don't know the words to. At some point in my past life, I must have done the same things Fluttershy is doing now. It's so normal. Throughout all of this, I had asked if she needed help, but she had declined. So now I sit, trying to make heads or tail of the word I'm reading. I've must have read the same word about a hundred times now. It's like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle without seeing the whole picture. After the incident yesterday, we had come back to the problem of those flowers I got her. Knowing what it does to Fluttershy, I wanted to throw it out and forget the whole embarrassment I've caused. But surprisingly, Fluttershy stopped me from doing so. When I asked why, she said that a gift as thoughtful as mine is worth keeping. She said they were beautiful. So now the salvaged bouquet sits in a vase on the living room table. I hear some heavy shuffling by the door. “Goldie,” Fluttershy calls from the front door, “can you watch over the place while I'm gone? I need to go out and feed Harry.” I look up from my book and raise a brow at all the things she's carrying, specifically the fishing gear. “He's a bear,” she says. I nod in understanding. She leaves the door, carrying a fishing pole and a net. “Bye Goldie. I'll be back soon,” she says before shutting the door. I am alone now in her home. My eyes focus on the feather duster she left on the table. I want to do more for her. Even if it's just simple cleaning, I want to do everything I can for her. I trot towards the feather duster and take it in my mouth, giving it an experimental shake. Dust falls from the feathers and gets in my nose, and there's a tickling sensation before my body launches into a sneezing fit. When my sniffling has stopped, I finally get to work dusting the furniture and anything in my line of sight, like an overzealous child. Who knows if Fluttershy missed a spot? In my eager and reckless dusting, a framed photo falls and shatters. There’s the sound of a crack as my hoof steps over it. I freeze. There’s pieces of broken glass on the ground. Underneath it all, a photograph of two young fillies sits under a spiderweb of cracks. My hooves brush the glass aside, and I gingerly pull it out by the corner with my teeth. There is a filly in the middle of laughing, as if being told the world’s funniest joke, while the other smiles politely behind a curtain of her mane. It's obvious which one is Fluttershy. Though, the blue filly looks extremely familiar. It’s not very common to have a rainbow mane. They must be somewhere near Cloudsdale by all the clouds they're standing on. As much as I want to speculate Fluttershy’s childhood, there's still the current problem. I've only made things messier, and I can't help but drag a hoof across my face with a heavy sigh. I stash the photo safely between the pages of my book and get to work on the mess. All the broken glass is pushed into a pile and the broken frame is tossed into the garbage bin. I find a broom and a dustpan to sweep up the last bits of glass. The result looks as if nothing happened in the past few minutes, with the exception of a missing photo. There's a knock at the door. I trudge towards it and open. It’s the blue pegasus from the party, the same one from the photo. Of course, she wasn’t expecting me to answer the door to Fluttershy’s home. “Oh, uh, hey. Goldie, right?” Rainbow Dash asks. I nod. I wasn't expecting Fluttershy to have visitors. “So, is Fluttershy around? She said she was going to watch me practice my tricks for the Wonderbolts.” I shake my head. She gives a questioning look. “What are you doing at Fluttershy’s place then?” I stare at my hooves, averting her curious gaze. “House… Watching.” After a pause, she asks, “Well, do you want to watch me instead? It's not like you're doing anything, right?” I think about this, and she does have a point, so I nod. “Great! Let's go! I know the perfect spot nearby,” she says. As she starts pushing me out the door, I can’t help but think that she just wants someone around to give her attention. ~~~~~~~ I watch as the wind whips past my mane. I am at an open meadow behind Fluttershy’s cottage, and Rainbow Dash is in the air doing her stunts for the Wonderbolts. As loud and boastful of herself as she is, she is actually quite good at what she does. Her moves are swift and smooth as she pulls off a loop and banks into a corkscrew. All the while, a rainbow trail follows her as she paints the world’s largest blue canvas above. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are lucky to be born as pegasi. What if I had wings? What if they were mine instead? I would take flight into the airy blue endlessness, not weighed down by these heavy thoughts. Like a homing bird, I'll fly as a bird on wings. I would go anywhere as far as my wings can take me and bask in the weightless freedom, where the walls and fences of undead indifference can no longer keep me. “Hey, are you paying attention?” I jolt as Rainbow hovers in front of me, and I nod dishonestly. “Did you see the way I did that wingover? Wonderbolt material, right?” I nod slowly. “Thanks for being here, Goldie. Normally, Fluttershy watches my stunts. All my other friends are too busy. It's nice to see a new face in the audience for once.” I nod again. She frowns. “You don't talk much, do you?” I shrug. “Well, let's see how you react when you see this next stunt!” She escalates upward, beating her wings and carrying herself higher until she is but a speck in the sky. I have to strain my eyes just to see her. Then, she swerves around and takes a steep dive as she tucks in her wings. I stare in self-contained awe as she shoots through the air like an arrow, piercing through clouds like paper. As entertaining as it is to watch, I can't help but frown. She is going fast. Really fast. I may not know much about aerodynamics or the complexity of physics, but I'm sure that ponies don't fare well when colliding into the ground at high speeds. If she doesn't slow down now, she won't be able to pull up. I have to do something, but what can I do? If only I were a pegasus instead of an earth pony. I gallop towards the direction she's heading. My legs are working double time to keep up. When I'm finally in her path I hold my hooves out. I must be out of my mind thinking I can catch a pegasus like a fly ball. But if I don't do something, someone is going to get hurt. The distance closes between us as gravity pulls us closer in what could possibly be a fatal attraction between two ponies. I can now see the look plastered on her face while mine remains stoic as ever. Pupils dilated and sweat dripping—this is a look of panic. I only hope that Rainbow Dash walks out of this in one piece. Light starts bending and pulling around her, oscillating across the color spectrum. A colorful ring bursts from her trail, followed by what sounds like the world's loudest cannon. My ears are ringing, and everywhere around me, colorful hues wash over me like the inside of a kaleidoscope. I'm so distracted by the amazing phenomenon that I momentarily forget about the pegasus in front of me. Rainbow Dash collides into me, knocking me off my hooves. The fence that enclosed Fluttershy’s yard, once far behind me, suddenly explodes into pieces of wooden shrapnel against my back. We come to a stop with a long groove in the dirt, as if a large hoof dragged a line across the earth. At the end of it, we sit under a mound of dirt in the wreckage of our destruction. The pile of dirt on top of me moves. “Ow…” Rainbow mutters. A weight lifts off my chest as she wearily stands up and shakes her head, sending dirt everywhere. There is a thin red gash on her shoulder where my mouth had latched onto during the crash. I run my tongue along my teeth, and I can actually taste a slight tang to it. “Oh my gosh! Goldie!” Rainbow shouts, looking at me. “What were you thinking?!” She helps me up to my hooves, though I feel off balance. I think I may have broken a few ribs as well. “Keep you… safe,” I say, popping my joints back into place. Rainbow lets out a snort. “I totally had that! If you weren't standing in the way, I would have…” Her rant stops short. I trail her gaze to my leg where a wooden post sticks out below my cutie mark like an oversized splinter. “I'm so sorry! Does it hurt?” she asks, but then says, “Of course it does. We need to get you to a hospital!” My body starts moving in the direction of Fluttershy’s home, ignoring Rainbow’s shouts until she flies in front of me to block my path. “Wait, where are you going? The hospital is in the other direction!” I look at her for a long time before answering before pointing at Fluttershy’s home. “House…” “What? Why?!” I grunt much to Rainbow Dash’s annoyance. “Watch… House…” “You’ve gotta be…” she mutters as I continue limping away. “Hey wait!” Once inside Fluttershy’s cottage, I pull the wooden post out of my leg. The wound in my flesh stares back at me like an unsightly pimple in a reflection. A new dressing of bandages should hide it, but Rainbow Dash seems to take it much more seriously. It's as if she’s dealing with a life or death situation. But then I remember that living ponies aren't so used to being impaled. I’ve almost forgotten how fragile ponies are. One misplaced step could be a sprain, a broken bone, or even death, if conditions are unforgiving. She puts a hoof on my shoulder. “I really think you should get that checked out.” I shrug off her touch and make my way to Fluttershy’s room. There was a first aid kit there last I checked. “Hey! Are you even listening? This is serious! You're hurt! I know we haven't known each other long, but I can't just leave you like this.” The kit is still where Fluttershy last put it. I dump the contents of the first aid kit in front of me. My eyes focus on the scratches all over Rainbow’s body, mostly on her knees, thigh, and shoulder. She’s much better off than I am, but one can never be too sure. “Hold still,” I say. She looks at me strangely. “What?” I start applying antiseptic to her wounds like I've seen Fluttershy done many times before. A stifled gasp comes from her on contact. I pull out a fresh roll of bandages from the pile of medical supplies and start ravelling it around her. When I'm finished, she looks at her bandages and frowns. “Wow, you did a terrible job with the bandages.” It's true. I did a sloppy job with it. Some areas are loose and dangle around her limbs, like a poorly made Nightmare Night costume. I've even used up an entire roll, and to be honest, I don't think she needed that much anyway. If only I was as good as Fluttershy... Rainbow Dash awkwardly smiles. “But thanks anyway.” She starts pushing me out of Fluttershy’s room. “Now it's your turn. Time to go to the hospital.” “No,” I say. I dig in my hooves, doing my best to keep her from pushing me. “Watch… House…” “Yes, you are! You're coming with me whether you like it or not.” I shake my head and drop my rump to keep her from pushing me. She grunts as she shoves me from behind. My hooves slide across the floor, scrambling for purchase as soon as we hit the stairs. Rainbow Dash lets out a yelp as we take a tumble down each step, landing in a heap of limbs at the bottom. The front door opens, and Fluttershy stares at us. Neither of us move. “What are you two doing?” she asks. Rainbow Dash runs up to her first. “Fluttershy! Help me out here! Goldie’s being too stubborn to go to the hospital.” Her eyes drift from Rainbow Dash then towards my flank as I try to cover the bloody hole. “Oh, dear,” she says, and I cower embarrassingly under her gaze. Her lips form a thin line. “Rainbow, we need to talk.” “But Goldie—” “She's going to be fine, but I need you to listen to me.” She looks to me. “And I need you to sit down so I can help you.” I nod wordlessly and sit on the couch. She hurries out of the room and comes back with an especially large medical kit. Her hoof pulls out a needle and thread, the kind used for sutures. She's probably had an injured animal on her hoof before. In the thickness of silence, Fluttershy gets to work on me. Behind her shoulder, Rainbow Dash grows a little pale as she watches Fluttershy work on me like a practiced surgeon, or perhaps a mortician. When she finishes, she leaves to wash her hooves, while I'm left with a mirror to admire her stitching. When Fluttershy finally comes back, Rainbow crosses her hooves, sitting on the other end of the couch from me. “Well? Spit it out. You know I hate secrets.” Fluttershy seats herself in a chair beside us and takes a moment to collect her thoughts. “Promise me you won't freak out until I'm done explaining.” Rainbow waves a hoof. “Sure, whatever.” “No, Rainbow Dash. I need you to really promise,” she says. “Come on, do I really have to?” Rainbow asks, but then notices Fluttershy’s stern glare. She gives a sigh. “Fine, I promise. Now what is up with you and her? You've been acting strange all day.” I assume it isn't easy for Fluttershy to explain. Where to begin? She starts telling the story of how we met. When she gets to the part where I'm a zombie, Rainbow Dash laughs. But then her laughter dies when she notices Fluttershy doesn't join her. The look on Fluttershy’s face is deathly serious. There is a long silence between them as Rainbow Dash looks on as if expecting the punchline to come. “So you mean…” “Yes.” Rainbow gives a weak chuckle. “Oh, come on. You can't be seriously thinking…” Fluttershy’s stare silences her. The truth weighs heavily in the room. The cat’s out of the bag, and Fluttershy and I are left to gauge her reaction. Rainbow Dash stares at me, as if finally acknowledging my presence on the other side of the couch, and I squirm under her scrutiny. In her mind, she's probably trying to associate my current appearance with that of a buried, rotting corpse. It must be hard for her to imagine me as anything else. After all, I'm practically funeral fresh if not for my recent wound. At last, she lets out a breath. “Why are you keeping it here?” she asks with a surprising amount of calmness. I don't know if she's actually taking the news in stride or if the shock just hasn't hit her yet. “Why wouldn't I? She has nowhere to go.” “But it’s… you know, dead,” she says. “Isn't it weird to keep it in your house? She’s all dead and gross! Couldn't you have buried the corpse or something? What would ponies think?” Her words hurt a little, but there is reason behind that thought. After all, why are ponies buried when they die? Because ponies don't want to make the connection between the thing they're burying and themselves. A depressing reminder like that can't be healthy. Fluttershy is silent for a long while. There is the steady rise of indignation on her face, like a tea kettle ready to boil. She gives a hard look. “You think that death is just gross and disgusting? How could you say that?” “Well, she’s… Do I have to spell it out for you, Fluttershy? She’s a zombie! You know, like the ‘eat your brains’ kind of zombies?” she shouts, pointing at me. When her eyes meet Fluttershy’s again, she shrivels. “Goldie, does NOT eat brains, Rainbow Dash!” We are both left speechless at the volume she spoke. Who is this mare and where did this newfound boldness come from? Then I realize that she's doing this all for me. “How do you know that?” Rainbow Dash asks. “What if she’s waiting for you to let your guard down?” Her gaze meets mine, burning holes into my eye sockets. “Then when you're sleeping, she takes a bite out of you!” Fluttershy matches Rainbow’s stare with her own, except hers hold a whole new level of intensity like that of an exploding star. “Goldie is still a pony as much as you and me!” She glances back at me. “And… And she’s my friend!” Rainbow Dash breaks the stare and awkwardly rubs a hoof on her shoulder, like a scolded child before a mother’s fury. A lightbulb seems to switch on inside Rainbow Dash’s head, eliciting some kind of panic reaction. “Oh my gosh! I just realized something!” She tries to get a look at the bandaged wound on her shoulder, pawing at it to get a better look. “What if I turn into a zombie? She's already bitten me!” She’s already pulling herself as far away from me as possible like some kind of disease. “Calm down. That won't happen,” Fluttershy reassures. Rainbow Dash flinches at her touch. “How do you know?! My life is over! I'm dead!” She starts bawling. Fluttershy walks over to her and brushes a wing over her withers. “You won't turn into a zombie. I promise that's not going to happen.” “You sure?” Fluttershy glances in my direction, and I shrug. She turns back to Rainbow Dash. “I have a feeling you won't.” It takes a long time for Rainbow Dash to calm down from her hysteria, even with the gentle reassurances from Fluttershy. After one last sniffle, Rainbow glances in my direction. “I’m worried about leaving you alone with her.” Giving Rainbow another brush of her wings against her withers, she says, “I've been with her the whole time she was in Ponyville. She just has trouble being around other ponies. That's all.” Rainbow Dash gives her a look of disbelief. “Fluttershy, she just crawled out of crater and shrugged it off like it was nothing. How are you so calm about this?” She ponders about this, and I'm also wondering why as well. “No one gets to choose how or when they die, Rainbow. It just happens, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all.” There is a pause. “I wouldn't think any less of you if you were a zombie. Would you think any less of me if I were one?” I watch Rainbow Dash as she winces at the question, struck by Fluttershy’s words like a buck to her chest. “No, I wouldn't. I’m sorry, Fluttershy.” She turns to me. “Sorry, Goldie.” I give a small smile. “It… Alright...” “So what now?” she asks Fluttershy. “Do we tell the others?” Fluttershy’s eyes meet mine. “We'll tell them eventually. Just… not now.” “So we're just going to wait until one of them finds out like I did?” She grabs Fluttershy by the shoulders. “Twilight is going to freak out if she hears about this!” “Why?” I ask. Twilight seemed like a level-headed pony last I met her. “Trust me when I say that when it comes to finding an explanation to things, she gets a little too excited.” Not exactly a comforting thought. “Oh, you're just exaggerating, Rainbow,” Fluttershy says. Rainbow Dash raises a brow. “Am I?” “Well…” “Remember the Smarty Pants incident? Or the Pinkie Sense fiasco?” Fluttershy’s eyes seem to drift towards a distant memory. “Okay, so she may take things a little too far.” Rainbow Dash has Fluttershy’s face squished between her hooves. “We have to tell someone about this, Fluttershy. This is big! Not as big as every Equestria-saving adventure we've gone through… But how often do you meet a zombie?” Fluttershy pulls off the hooves gripping her face and holds them in her own. “Please, Rainbow Dash. You're my closest and oldest friend. You have to keep this a secret.” She gives a pleading look. “Please…” Rainbow bites her lower lip before letting out a sigh. “Alright, I got it. But only because you're my friend.” She smiles and nods. “Thank you. After what you've gone through, how about I go make tea now?” She leaves for the kitchen. It is just us two. Without the sole mediator in the room, we are left in an awkward silence. We sit at opposite ends of the couch. “Nice weather,” she says. A grunt is my non-committal reply. I wish Fluttershy would hurry up with the tea. I need her as my groan-to-Equestrian translator. Because right now, we are trapped in a perpetual state of awkwardness. I want to say something, but I don't know how to continue from that. What were the first words ever said? What secret meaning did they hold that it was enough to penetrate the wordless silence between ponies? Rainbow looks in the direction of the kitchen where we can hear Fluttershy humming to herself and the sound of teacups clinking. Every so often, her eyes focus on me, but when we make eye contact, they find something else to look at. “So Goldie... Even though you're dead, are you still all up here?” she asks, pointing to her head. I nod. “Most… of the time.” This answer seems to spark a genuine interest.“Oh? What's it like being a zombie?” “Not…sure,” I say. How can I explain being stuck on the edge between life and death to someone who has no experience in the latter? If she were to die right now, then maybe I could explain it to her, but I don’t think that’s an option on the table. I struggle to find the words. “Like… dream. Only… not.” It almost feels surreal. She seems to visibly deflate. “Huh… Was expecting something, I don't know, more.” I don’t know what she was expecting from me. “What like being…alive?” I retort back. “You don't remember?” I circle a hoof in the air. “Sort of. Not clear.” Hazy memories of things come to me as I try to fish it out of the murky depths of subconsciousness. None of it is about me specifically. She sits down and crosses her hooves. Her face twists into a look of deep thought that I didn’t know she was capable of making. “Well, if being dead to you is like being in a dream, then I guess being alive is like being awake. Because when you're awake, you’re living in the moment. This moment. This place. Us talking. The only way we could’ve gotten here is because we’re alive in some way.” She pauses and then looks at me. “Same with you, if you think about it.” Funny. Just a while ago, she thought I was dead. But now, she’s saying I’m alive. I find it amusing how easy it is to be categorized as living or dead. But do I fall into the gray intermingling between life and death or am I actually one of the two categories? “Alive? Me?” I say out loud. “Sure, why not? Be whatever you want to be. I’m not stopping you.” My mouth opens slightly as more words start trickling out. “Be…your friend…too?” “Sure, Goldie,” she says. “We can hang out or watch a Wonderbolts show or something.” “Friend…” I say, still savoring that word. Rainbow Dash kicks back against the armrest. “Yep! Any friend of Fluttershy’s is my friend too. If anyone says otherwise, then they’re going to have to answer to me.” She stares at the ceiling. “That’s nice.” I look towards the kitchen where Fluttershy had gone. “Both of you are.” Rainbow Dash chuckles. “Yeah… It’s just like her to help someone out.” I can feel her eyes take a glance at me. “You know, when we were little, Fluttershy used to get teased a lot.” My full attention is on her now. “These colts from flight camp… They were always bringing her down. They always made fun of her because she wasn't a strong flier.” I frown. Even while young, foals are still capable of small acts of cruelty. I don’t know why it happens or what it accomplishes. Why would anyone want to make fun of Fluttershy? And why is Rainbow Dash telling me all of this? She continues. “Want to know why she’s helping you?” Without waiting for a reply, she goes on. “It’s because she knows what it feels like to be helpless. And I get all that because I was like that back then too. The only difference between me and her was that I fought back.” I watch as she furrows her brows, lost in an old memory. “But she’s too nice to fight back bullies. It’s why everypony seems to walk all over her. One time, I caught the tail end of a conversation between Fluttershy and the jerks from flight camp who were making fun of her. I was going to kick their flanks and make them apologize, but then Fluttershy stopped me. She just smiled and told me to drop it. Can you believe that? It made me so mad when she said that. I mean, who wouldn't?” Rainbow Dash slowly shakes her head and lets out a slow breath. “Looking back, I guess I kinda owe her for that. Otherwise, I’d have been kicked out of camp on the first day. She’s always like that, looking after me when I should be the one looking out for her.” I find it difficult to swallow that Fluttershy had to deal with something like this at such a tender age. “That’s… sad.” I start speaking louder with more clarity. “That’s so sad.” Rainbow Dash shrugs. “It was, but that’s all in the past. You don’t need to worry about that. We’ve both moved on.” If I met Fluttershy at camp, I’d tell her that she was nice and beautiful and that she had a voice like a bell. I’d tell her how much I cared about her everyday, and then we’d go to the spa and get massages because that’s what friends do. “Hey, you alright there? You’re starting to freak me out.” My mind is pulled back to the present. “Fine,” I say. “Just… thinking.” “Thinking about how you’re going to eat me?” she asks. My eyes widen and my jaw drops as I try to find words to deny that. She laughs at the shock on my face. “Kidding! I’m kidding. If Fluttershy says you don’t eat ponies, then you don’t. So lighten up, will ya?” I grin awkwardly. Her laughter subsides, and she grows uncharacteristically quiet. “So anyway,” she mumbles, “I've known Fluttershy for a long time, and I don't think she has once blamed anyone for anything. So don't ever think you're a burden to her, Goldie.” I give a solemn nod. She smiles at that, and we come to an understanding as mutual friends. At the bottom of everything, past her brash personality and reckless actions, she is a caring and thoughtful pony. Rainbow Dash then leans in to whisper something. “Uh, don’t tell Fluttershy I said all this, okay? It's kind of embarrassing saying all this stuff with a reputation like mine.” I'm already good at staying quiet, but I nod anyway. “Good. Now what’s taking Fluttershy so long?” she asks. Rainbow Dash nearly jumps as Fluttershy comes walking into room with a tray holding teacups and cucumber sandwiches on her back. “Tea is ready. Were you two talking about anything interesting?” she asks. “Nah, nothing much,“ Rainbow nonchalantly replies. For a second, a grin flashes onto Fluttershy’s face as she hands a teacup to Rainbow Dash. I swear I can almost see a blush on Rainbow Dash’s face as she desperately tries to hide it while sipping her teacup. “Nothing much,” I say and copy Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy giggles. “You two look like you're getting along well.” “Yeah, she's cool,” Rainbow says, but then adds, “but not as cool as me.” As Fluttershy takes a seat between us and picks up her teacup for a sip, Rainbow Dash pipes up again to keep the conversation going. “So what do we do about Goldie now? Is it time to find a cure?” she asks, and I watch as a liquid arc sprays out of Fluttershy’s mouth. “You okay there, Fluttershy?” She coughs behind a hoof. “I'm fine. I'm fine.” Rainbow Dash’s plan is simple. Step one: find a cure. Step two: cure me. If only curing death was as easy as it sounds. It almost sounds like a joke. But Rainbow Dash says it all without sarcasm. It almost sounds hopeful. “Do you really think we can help her, Rainbow? What makes you so sure?” Fluttershy asks. “I don't know. It sounds something like Daring Do would do,” she says, standing up. “I bet there's some ancient artifact that raises the dead or some kind of mummy’s curse keeping her here.” To be honest, I don't think anything short of a miracle can help me. “I don't know, Rainbow. Some of those things seem hard to believe. Even if we do find a cure, what's keeping her from just…” Fluttershy falls into a barely audible whisper. “Dying?” “Nah, that's not going to happen,” she says with unexpected confidence, “not while we’re around.” For statement meant to inspire confidence, it didn't do much to reassure her. “But where do we start?” “How about we start with her first?” Rainbow says pointing to me. “Come on, Goldie. Don't you remember anything?” I close my eyes, going backwards in my memory like a recorded tape. Up until my arrival in Ponyville, I haven't done much. If I hadn't met Fluttershy, I'd probably still be standing in the Everfree or rolling in a patch of flowers like a dumb animal. But now, there are new memories constantly being engraved into my brain and in such vivid detail too. From the moment I stepped into Ponyville to the present, I can trace a solid line of everything that's happened to me. “Think about the times when you were happy. Your friends. Your family. Your old life.” She moves close beside me. “Imagine you’re back at your home. Remember waking up in your bed and starting your day before going to work. Every morning you’d say hi to your friends and then you’d talk with them and laugh about a funny joke and then you’d make plans for the weekend. But then you’d say you can't because you've got a date with your coltfriend that weekend at some fancy restaurant that had just opened.” “Oh my…” Fluttershy says. I'm trying to picture myself in that situation. It feels nice, but none of that feels right. I open my eyes. Rainbow’s eyes are practically shimmering with hope. “Well?” I shrug. “Sorry.” She groans but then her face lights up. “I know! We just need to jog your memory.” “And just how will you do that?” Fluttershy asks. Rainbow Dash grins. “By doing things she used to do a long time ago.” She pats me on the back. “Don't worry, Goldie. You'll be remembering tons of stuff by the time I'm done with you.” I know she's trying to be helpful, but why do her words sound so ominous? ~~~~~~~ “Heads up!” A ball hits me between the eyes. An almost quiet whimpering comes from the catcher behind me. “Come on, Goldie!” Rainbow Dash shouts, wearing a baseball cap bearing the logo of some baseball team I don’t remember. “When I said to keep your eye on the ball, I also meant that you should hit it.” “Maybe we should do something else,” Fluttershy meekly offers. “I don't know,” Rainbow Dash says. “Anything yet, Goldie?” I shake my head. The bat in my mouth makes it hard to say anything. We are standing in front of Fluttershy’s yard since Rainbow and I destroyed the fence behind her home. Fluttershy was pretty disappointed about that. “Wish we hired the Crusaders for this. They’d probably get a dozen things done in an hour.” “What were you expecting?“ Fluttershy asks. “I don't know. A reaction? I thought if we did all these things there’d be a small spark, and then all your memories would come flooding back to you.” She takes off her cap and tosses it away into the pile of junk accumulating of the things we’ve done. “C’mon, Goldie! Anything at all?” “Oh, I don't know, Rainbow. Do you really think baseball would help Goldie remember herself?” “No, not really. But it’s something, right? Instead of sitting around waiting for something to happen, at least we’re doing something. Maybe we’ve been going at it all wrong.“ My mind begins to wander, and their voices are nothing but a mesmerizing hum in the background, going high to low, low to high, like a crooning old record player. As they start discussing our next plan of action, something suddenly taps me on the flank and falls to the ground. A glance down reveals only a small rock. Wondering where the rock came from, I’m struck by another small stone square in the face. Harsh whisperings can be heard by a bush. As I walk closer, I can hear some young fillies arguing about something. “Are you sure that's our monster?” “That's what he said!” “Would you two be quiet? We don't want to let it hear us.” Behind the bush are three little fillies, too busy arguing amongst each other to notice me. I try to greet them, but it comes out in a gravelly voice, caught between speech and a groan. “Hello…” They turn to me, eyes wide open as if caught with a hoof in a cookie jar. The one with a familiar large ribbon in her mane looks at me with some recognition. I remember her from my memories. She lives on a farm with her brother and sister. They grow apples. She has a very kind granny. I would have eaten a hundred of those tasteless apples if it meant having another chance to talk with her again. It’s one of the first few pleasant moments I've had in Ponyville. Now here she stands before me—young and alive and more than just a part of my memory. “Hey, I know you!” she says. “You're that pony from before. How’ve you been?” “Who is she, Apple Bloom?” the pegasus asks. “Why do you know her?” the unicorn adds. The filly from before addresses the other two. “Well, I gave her an apple once.” She pauses, trying to think of something interesting to add. “I guess that's about it. What'd you think of it by the way? Pretty good, huh?” I smile uneasily. It probably looks out of my place on my face. “Yes… It was… Good,” I lie. “Sorry for botherin’ ya. Y’see, we’re looking for our cutie marks, and we heard there might be a monster on the loose that’s needin’ to be caught. These two are my friends, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle.” The little pegasus, Scootaloo, is in my face all of a sudden, abandoning any sort of trepidation. “What happened to you anyway? You look like a mummy!” A glow around Scootaloo’s tail yanks her back, and a unicorn takes her place. “Are you getting ready for Nightmare Night? My sister makes costumes too.” I hardly get a statement in as they keep on coming with the questions. “What's your name?” “What’s your cutie mark?” “What does it mean?” The amount of questions, fueled by childlike curiosity, are too much for me to answer. “Please… Slow down…” Surprisingly, my soft spoken words manage to reach them as they tone it down to a reasonable conversational pace. “Sorry about that,” Apple Bloom says. The other two apologize as well. “Sorry about throwing the rock too,” Scootaloo adds sheepishly. “So anyway,” Apple Bloom continues. “If ya ain't a monster, I guess that means we brought all this monster catchin’ stuff for nothing.” I peer over their shoulders at the seemingly random objects strewn about. Apple Bloom picks up a net from the pile. “We found this net to snare the varmint with and some bait for the monster—” “It’s just an apple on a stick,” Sweetie Belle adds. “—but now I guess we don't need it anymore.” Scootaloo gives a heavy sigh. “I guess there's no monster hunting cutie marks in it for us.” For a couple of young fillies, they seem awfully ambitious about catching a monster with the tools they have. It would have been adorable, if not for the fact that I can probably fit their description of a “monster” in their book. Fluttershy’s voice calls from way behind me. “Goldie? Who are you talking to?” Apple Bloom holds a hoof to her lips with a soft shush. “Please don't tell. If our sisters catch wind of this, we’d get in so much trouble.” Pulling my head away from the bushes, I look back to Fluttershy. “Myself…” I say uncomfortably. I look towards the bush, and the fillies are gone, having hightailed it out of there. “Come on, Goldie!” Rainbow Dash calls. “There's still one more thing we haven't tried yet.” A strange sense of dread washes over me, despite my undead condition. I wonder what else Rainbow Dash has come up with to rattle the memories in my head. Hopefully, not another baseball... ~~~~~~~ There is an oak tree in a field, a bit away from the path to town. It’s quiet. It’s calm. It’s not what I expected from Rainbow Dash. Said pegasus is pushing some clouds around, making small adjustments to their positions. Fluttershy leads me to the tree with a wing stretched over my withers. Under the shade of the great oak, where only a few rays of light trickle through the leaves, she makes herself comfortable. I copy her and lie with her. By the time Rainbow Dash is finished, she glides over to where we are. “You girls ready?” “Ready…for what?” I ask. She wraps a hoof around me. “Just a little something I like to call ‘chillaxing.’” She falls onto the soft grass, wiggling into a comfortable place under the tree. “This is nice,” Fluttershy says, letting out a sigh. A moment of silence. I look to Rainbow Dash for more instruction. “What do…I do?” I ask. “Just chill and relax, Goldie,” Rainbow answers. “Nothing to it.” My gaze hovers towards Fluttershy and the way she peacefully lies on the grass. Copying her, I close my eyes and allow myself to drop my feeble mind into the dark well of subconsciousness. The next thing I know, I am surrounded by blue flowers, sitting at an ornate patio table with a tea set ready. Beyond the flowers is a picturesque meadow around me, something you would find in a painting or on a postcard. The sound of someone clearing their throat catches my attention. The mare sitting across from me smiles, and I can't tear my eyes away because she looks exactly like Fluttershy, down to the way she looks at me with that small grin from when we first met. “Hello Goldie,” she says. “Fluttershy?” I ask. She shakes her head. “Yes and no. I guess I'm kind of the way you see her. Maybe your imagination. Maybe your new conscience. Either way, feel free to keep calling me by that name.” Am I dreaming? Is my mind making this up? I wonder. Is there another version of me that walks into Fluttershy’s dream as she does into mine? If it is ever possible to see her in all my dreams, I'd go to sleep forever and never wake up. “You have to stop this,” she says suddenly. I stare at her. “Stop what?” She gives me a hard look, almost looking directly into my soul. “You know what. You're putting her on a pedestal as if she's the goddess of your world. Like a lovesick child, you're making this mare your entire world. I thought you said you were going to try?” “I am.” “You're not,” she says with unwavering conviction. “You can't have her holding your hoof everywhere, while you lose yourself in your own thoughts. Right now, more than ever, you need to want this change in yourself. Can't you feel it? It's already happening.” I'm speechless from all these words that I don't hear too often from Fluttershy, like seeing a side to her I hardly see during the day. Her gaze softens. “Remember what you said to me? What you said to her? About trying? You have to see this through to the end, Goldie, even if it takes you years to do it.” “Can you at least tell me who I was?” I ask. “What point is there in a future when I don't even know my past? I'm hardly getting by in the present as I am now.” Her lips tighten. “You're better off not knowing. The old you kind of went out darkly, long before all of this even happened. Well, maybe not as dark as it could've gone. After all, you're still here. Oh, I shouldn't be telling you this,” she says the last part embarrassingly. “Besides, you finally got a new start.” “New start? You call being dead a new start? I'm tired of the constant moaning and the painless existence. I just want a cure.” She takes a sip of her tea. “What point is there in a cure if it can't fix the gnarled roots of your existence?” she asks me. “How will you cure the affliction that runs so deep in your enigmatic past?” “I don't know!” I shout and the meadow changes into the dark forest of the Everfree. I let out a slow shuddered breath. “All I can do is try. Trying is only the beginning, I know, but maybe my efforts will yield something meaningful and beautiful. Maybe in trying, I'll rediscover myself and make peace with my past, whatever it may be.” “You're getting closer, Goldie,” she says, “but you need to think about where you want to go with this. After all, that's why I'm here: to help you see this through and become something altogether new.” She aims that smile of hers at me. I try to look away. “But what if I fail? What happens to me then? What if…” She is suddenly by my side and holding me like a mother over a crying child. “Enough of that talk,” she says. “You’ve made it this far. You'll make it to the end.” Her hoof brushes against my withers. “Tell me,” I say, speaking barely above a whisper. “Is this what the old me would have wanted?” She is silent for a moment. “Probably.” I lean into her, melting into her embrace. “Thank you,” I whisper. “Don't tell me. Tell her, the one who's sleeping outside, dreaming of cute kittens and adorable puppy dogs.” The scenery begins to fade until there is nothing but us and a field of wild blue flowers. “Fluttershy…?” “Yes, Goldie?” she asks. “I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when you were young,” I say. “But now you don't have to face your problems alone. You have me and Rainbow Dash and all your other friends who care about you.” She smiles. “Thanks. That means a lot to me.” She breaks away from me to look me in the eyes. “Remember what I said, Goldie. You still have to do your part in all this.” Then there’s a new look on her face that I haven’t seen before. That faint anticipation of things to come, unknown and unavoidable. In an instant, the dream is over like a popped bubble and awareness rushes to me. I am greeted by the sight of both Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, the real one, staring worriedly at me. I stare back at them and at the sky that is growing darker. “Um, did you have a nice nap, Goldie?” Fluttershy asks. My eyes don't leave her, and I nod slowly, a little confused. I don't know when was the last time I ever slept or even had a dream. It’s left me disoriented. “Did you know you mumble in your sleep?” Rainbow asks with a smirk. “How long?” I ask. “Honestly,” she says, “not that long. Not as long as my usual naps anyway. But what was that about? I think I heard you say the word ‘enigmatic’ at one point.” I move to sit up. There’s grass and dried burrs stuck in my mane. My mouth closes shut, only for me to spit out the strands of my mane that got caught in my mouth. “Off in your own little world again, Goldie?” Fluttershy asks. I nod and stare. My eyes linger on her for a bit longer than I should have. “What’s the matter?” she asks. My eyes meet hers. “Than—” The rest of the syllables halt abruptly. She tilts her head. “Hmm?” I shake my head, averting my eyes. “Nothing.” When she turns around to talk to Rainbow Dash, I whisper to myself in a quiet voice, “Thank you.” As we start making our way back to Fluttershy’s place, Rainbow Dash is flying beside me and Fluttershy, going off on one of her plans. “So I guess everything we did was a waste of time.” Rainbow sighs. “Maybe there’s something in Daring Do that’ll help us.” “I wouldn’t say that today was a complete waste of time,” Fluttershy says. “With you, Goldie has one more friend now. Isn’t that great, Goldie?” I shrug. Rainbow is in my face. “Aw c’mon, Goldie. What was that? You should be excited to have an awesome pony like me as a friend.” “Yay…” I groan. “Was that sarcasm?” I allow a smirk to creep to my face. “No… Me? Sarcasm?” “Okay, that was definitely sarcasm! Don't you get smart with me now,” she says, prodding me in the chest. “I get enough of that from Rarity.” Beside us, Fluttershy giggles. Walking down the trodden path back home, I can't help but sneak glances at Fluttershy and hear those words: “become something new.” What did she mean by that? I don't know what I'll become, but I hope that when the time comes and it finally happens, nothing changes between me and these ponies.