“Discord was is not a simple being. No, he is very complicated in both the way he came into this world and the way he tries to get out. His insane pranks and tricks can not be blamed on him. No, they were the result of a mare whose ignorance and lust for power hurt everything around her, including him. Twilight Sparkle didn’t know all of this though; Discord’s rambling stories she had once thought buried anger within her for Celestia made a little more sense though as she stared up at the being before her.
So in his years trapped in stone, he had sought a companion. As much as he hated to admit it, even gods can feel lonely. A magical trace was a silver lining in a place where he was trapped in his thoughts, but who was on the end of that line? Discord had yet to find out as he reached out for contact through the walls of stone.”
---
I couldn’t take it anymore. As my hooves clicked on worn cobblestone, this was the exact thought racking my head. No more of the.... Wandering. Wandering while Cadence stood her ground with my brother, knowing that I was a coward no matter how many times I told myself otherwise. But then again, I liked to play devil’s advocate. As I wandered aimlessly in the dim-lit town square of Ponyville, I took the quiet time to ponder.
Ponyville was a cold place to be these days. It was considered beneath the rest of Equestria; nothing but a dirty place where peasants wandered. Worst than the scum on the bottom of a horseshoe. Wonder what that would make me then… a pest? The last ponies here who had tried to rebell…
I had seen it. I had seen Nightmare Moon slaughter them in front of everyone and had done nothing. Shivers crawled down my spine as I bit the inside of my cheek. A metallic taste filled my mouth. I winced. Lyra was there, a hard working spirit who had never refused to give up even all the way back in magic kindergarten. She kicked until her last breath.
Cadence and my brother are foolish, aren’t they? Instead of coming up with a feasible plan, they lashed out on emotion. Foolish, foolish emotion that tormented me everyday. I growled, flicking my tail in the face of an unfortunate pony who had walked close to me. The me from a long time ago would’ve apologized. All I did was grunt as they shot daggers back at me. Hostility was no stranger.
My eyes traced the buildings around me. Of course I stayed in towns. Stupid pony need for contact. While Nightmare Moon wasted her time scouring tormenting unfortunate souls who tried to fight back, I stayed put where it all started; Ponyville. Of course she still set guards here, they were everywhere.
Any rebels caught were questioned ruthlessly, especially about me. Me, technically a rebel too, surely had to be hiding my pitiful self somewhere amongst the poor ponies wishing for their sun back. Murdered, dozens of them, in the name of lying about my whereabouts. I took some satisfaction in knowing that she was this desperate-
I bit into my lip. Thoughts like these were the thoughts that would lead into my insanity. I fought the cold memories that plagued me and sought a plan, which was unexpected from me, a bumbling twat- as she put lightly.
Shivering in the cold, I pushed the creaky door open into Sugarcube Corner. I had to come here, for her. For what Pinkie believed in. It was something to do while I made myself useless in hiding. Something to brighten my mood a little bit. I hacked into my hoof, drawing the attention of the two ponies within the shop.
The Cakes didn’t have a single clue who I was. They saw me as another customer while they flashed nervous grins. Silence was in the shop, though they covered for it with frantic movements as they stumbled their way to the counter. Mr. Cake cleared his throat.
“E-Excuse me Miss-”
“Snowflake,” I butted in with a smile, “My name is Snowflake.” I cursed myself for it immediately. Foolish, foolish, foolish. Why must you do this? At least smiles were easy to fake.
Despite their nervous demeanor, I kept my calm, trying to bring some brightness into the store. Pinkie would’ve wanted it. Mr. Cake curtly nodded back, oblivious beads of sweat rolling down his forehead.
“R-right.” He swallowed. “Miss Snowflake, what may I get you today?” His response was barely above a whisper, eyes darting side to side as his tail twitched. I tried to hide my wince while I watched. I scanned my jumbled thoughts for what I should purchase. My eyes darted to my satchel as a reminder of the limited bits I have. Three hundred fifty, to be exact. Working with ponies to help rebuild parts of Ponyville that had been destroyed earned me a little money.
“Just a chocolate cookie,” I said smoothly. I had expected my voice to come out in its usually trembling tone, instead sounding like the mare I was pretending to be; sweet, comforting, and not at all a fugitive hiding under a potion’s doing. Almost like her. Almost like how it was.
A thought crossed my mind- live out the rest of my life as this mare. But I dismissed it quickly with a bite into my cheek, tasting blood again; how dare I think that. Luckily, Mr. Cake barely noticed me, twitching across the place as he fumbled about in the display case. I breathed in sharply; Pinkie would want me to do something, wouldn’t she? That’s the whole reason I was here. To, in a sense, make up for her absence.
“Sir,” I said my words gently as possible, his head snapping up in an instant. “Please stop fretting so much, I’m just here for a quick snack.” While his tensed muscles relaxed the slightest bit, he still kept his eyes past me, locked onto the door. He sighed and slumped over, putting my cookie in a paper bag. I mulled over the fact I sounded a lot like Celestia before he cleared his throat.
“I’m sorry Miss Snowflake, but things are tough here with the constant patrol. I don’t want to mess up or I…” He shuddered a bit as I placed the bits on the counter. “I fear what would happen to my wife if she was left in this cruel world alone.”
My heart broke. No, it shattered. I should be fighting with Cadence and Shining Armor, standing up to this cruel world. I was letting all of this happen when it was my fault. If this wouldn’t inspire me, what would? I forced the corners of my lips to rise.
No, I thought. This was no time for self pity. Swiping the bag with a swift movement, I forced my most genuine smile. Smiles were rare these days. I saw him return a grin, even if it was half-hearted.
“I don’t think a good pony like you should worry too much; I wish the best for you!” With that I waved a hoof, trotting to the door. I heard his voice behind me.
“Wait Miss, you left a hundred bits extra-”
The door closed behind me, and I returned to the dull outdoors full of anxious ponies rushing to wherever they had to be to please a guard. My eyes met with a poor foal surrendering what little money he had to a snickering thestral. I growled. Did they have any sense of morality?
I had already made up my mind in what seemed to be the blink of an eye, and no amount of angry bickering within my mind could change it. Digging my hoof around for the last bits in my bag, I galloped towards the train station, carelessly shoving ponies aside with mumbled apologies. With a few suspicious glances and a quick motion I bounded on to the next train Canterlot. I was doing this. I was joining my brother and Cadence in the fight, I was going to do it!
At least, the thought of this raced through my head as I saw a pony sitting on a bench, newspaper in hoof. The caption of the front caught my attention in a heartbeat; “Princess Cadence Dead, All Hail the Queen!” My heart was racing, the world was spinning. I was too late. I messed up. What about my brother? Where was he? Without thinking I snatched the paper away from the stallion with an angry shout sounding from behind me, and I rushed off in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres without a word. ‘
Tears were welling in my eyes but I blinked them away, the looming barn creeping its way into view. Tears flying from my face, I was in the empty acres of Apllejack’s old farm, swarms of emotions flooding me. I had no care for the enchantments swirling around me as I used magic freely, levitating the shaking paper to eyesight. Papers rustled as I skimmed through.
I scanned each word, feeling my breathing halt as my eyes landed on his name. I read outloud.
“Shining Armor escaped the confrontation, though we have captured one of his affiliates, Colgate. She will be further interrogated on Shining’s and potentially Twilight Sparkle’s whereabouts before being publicly executed-” I felt vomit threaten to crawl up my throat as I read the horrendous details of how one of my former classmates- no, friend was to be executed. Hissing, I felt my horn charge up, and before I knew it the newspaper burst into flames. I waited too long, too long, too long.
I felt angry. I felt sick. I felt guilty, I felt everything. Letting the tears flow freely, I begged in the back of my mind for a timberwolf to slaughter me where I stood, the words racing through my mind. He was safe, but would he want to see my disgusting face after I hid in the shadows for over six months now? His fiancee was dead because of my inability to react. I gazed around at the sight before me; a lost history of Apple heritage. A lost princess. A lost-
“Why does such a pretty mare cry in the middle of an empty field?” a deep voice mumbled from what sounded to be around me. I sprung to my hooves in an instant, horn igniting as my eyes scanned the shadows for anything. Despite my fearful demeanor I scowled into the shadows, facing whatever consequences dared to challenge me in my time of grief. The glimmer from my horn made the shadows dance. They almost seemed to be tormenting me.
“Who are you!” I demanded, though my confident stance spoke nothing of the nervous energy racking my brain. The voice chuckled deeply, echoing throughout the woods as it boomed. I opened my mouth to retaliate, though a loud hacking cut me off as I closed my eyes and coughed. I barely noticed the dampness on my hooves afterwards.
“I am nothing but a figment of your mind, my dear Twilight.”
I felt my body stiffen at the name. In the corner of my eyes as they darted open I could’ve sworn I saw red flicker, but when I lashed around there was nothing to be seen. I swallowed my own blood as I bit into my cheek as hard as I could.
“H-how do you know that?” I sputtered out, tensing my wobbly hooves as my ears fell back.
“That is a dreadful habit; biting one’s self.” My pupil’s dilated. “But, it’s because,” he said in a silky smooth voice, “I’m in your head.”
A beast, for lack of a better word, materialized before me. I suppressed a scream with a hoof in my mouth, looking up and down its floating body. Mismatched limbs, long body, odd snaggletooth; this was a creature from nightmares not even the bloody Queen could create. Shaking my head, I backed up.
“Y-you're not possible!” I said under my breath, feeling my rump hit the rickety white fence surrounding the lot. I had backed into corner, the being reaching closer as he grinned. I felt small.
“What is this, some sick prank?” Ponies walking on the nearby trail turned heads at me, two guards locking eyes with me. Swallowing as my body trembled I squinted my eyes at the beast, noticing a distinct feature about him.
“I can see through you,” I whispered in a hushed voice, the old barn house visible behind him, even if blurry. I bit down without thinking, tasting blood from my hoof and feeling a stinging sensation shoot up my hoof. No, this was no dream. This thing was here, unless…
I pieced two and two together.
“You’re a hallucination coming from my encroaching insanity, huh?” I called out quietly, circling him as he stayed perfectly still. I nearly leapt in the air when a sudden booming cackle sputtered out of his mouth, his different forelegs clutching his chest as he heaved. Even as I came to the realization this was some contraption from my darkest fears, I felt indignant, stomping my hoof.
“Are you laughing at me? After all the crap I’ve been through?” I snarled, catching glares in the corner of my eyes. I had to calm down. Taking in deep breaths, I shot daggers at the beast, his countenance never failing to mock me.
“Whatever pretty lies you must tell yourself, dear,” he said inbetween laughs, landing to the ground soundlessly. “I bet you tell yourself Celestia’s coming back at night, too!” He snickered at his own ‘joke’. “Oh, you’re going to be fun. Though I must wonder about the aura coming off of you...”
Instead of responding, I pondered that if he was indeed a figment of my imagination, how this statement could relate to me and my feelings now. But of course, my pathetic feelings were interrupted by an overwhelming sense of nausea knocking me down to the ground, blood splattering as I coughed. I saw a pair of red pupils looking down on me, a flicker of something strange in them; fear. That was not an uncommon sight though. It reflected my feelings, anyways.
“Twilight-” he dissipated as my world spun, ponies pointing at me with suppressed looks of horror as they ran away in all directions. Muffled shouts for guards pounded my ears, my guise was gone, wasn’t it?
I felt my heart sink to my stomach; my potion wasn’t supposed to start fading for another week, or have these nasty side effects. Yet as my throat burned and red specks littered the ground in front of me, my eyes cast down to my hooves, noticing how they were fully encompassed in black. I wanted to scream with the rest of the ponies fleeing around me, but I felt the ever-harsh gaze of batpony guards searing into me. I looked up trembling, their spears pulled out and expressions matching the ponies around me; I couldn’t understand anything happening. Everything was so fast in this world.
The guards snarled over their terror; “What are you?” one hissed, ears pressed back and head lowered. The guard beside him followed in stance, digging a hoof in the ground. I shook my head, feeling my rump press into the fence again. I was being cornered into the place. Again, by something real. I felt tears well in my eyes as I turned away. Yet when I looked away my eyes met with sapphire blue ones accompanied by lots of pink.
“Coward,” she muttered, bleeding wounds covering her body.
I grit my teeth and saw her smile as blood trickled down her lip. I whipped back at the guards, who were shaking despite their fierce looks. I grunted, my horn igniting before I could control it. A magic beam struck one of them down, my aura wrapping around the other as it levitated him close to my snout. Of course, that’s when any shred of sanity left in me broke through the anger, a gasp escaping my lips as I saw the unmoving body of the guard in the background. Letting go with a sharp cutoff of my spell, I ran as fast as my hooves could carry me, into the Everfree.
“Run away from your problems, huh? Can’t face what you’ve done!” the draconequus flew by my side, his words like venom seeping from his lips. I dodged a tree, running away from him. “The mighty student of Celestia too scared to face her demons!”
“Leave!” I screamed, shooting a beam of magic into the middle of the forest. I skidded to a halt when it materialized in front of me. Instead of a mocking simper, he stared at me with a frown. Upper lip twitching as he growled, he looked down on me, his eyes shining with a fire.
“You want me to leave because I speak truth,” he snarled, bending down to face me eye to eye. “You want me to leave because you don’t want to realize that all you’ve done has been for nothing. You’re just like her.”
My cheeks grew wet. “I- I- why?” I managed to sputter breathlessly before my hooves buckled out, leaving me to cry in the dirt as the darkness seemed to swallow me. The only sounds to be heard were my sobs, my forelegs clutching my head as I cried. All the thoughts buried away poured out; guilt, fear, anger, sorrow. Everything. The beast snarled, and I felt a claw dig into me, lifting my head up.
“This is how you react? A crying mess? I expected my words to ignite something besides this in you,” he sneered, “how pathetic.”
Tears still fell down my cheeks. “You said it yourself; I can’t face anything! I-It’s too much!”
I braced myself for another angry remark, another venomous jab. What I didn’t expect was the soft voice that came out of him.
“I’m old in my ways,” he started, “ponies aren’t what they used to be.” He sighed, locking eyes with me. “How do I expect a soon to be corrupted mare to face her demons when they are her?”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Wha-”
“Behind you.”
I whirled around in time to see a timberwolf lunge from the forest, glowing green eyes lighting up the forest as it opened its maw. I managed to surge my magic into my horn in time for it to explode in a mess of purple fire, the timberwolf howling as its limbs burst alight. It scampered off into the blackness as my horn stung, throbbing as I fell into the dirt again, panting. The beast loomed over me.
“You can’t just burst out magic, you’ll kill yourself!” He scolded, “you need a cohesive spell in mind before shooting out jets of magic! Foals learn this.” He sucked in his teeth, the stars sparkling through his fading body as his eyes lit up. “Ahh, how stupid of me for not thinking of this sooner!” He vanished in a flash of white, reappearing next to one of the trees. Shakily, I pushed myself up, facing him.
“If I can teach you to handle your magic abilities before the disease takes over, there’s a chance you’ll be able to fight it off yourself.”
“...what.”
“Yes, I, Discord, shall teach you!”
I laughed. He cocked an eyebrow.
“Ah, how the mighty have fallen. A hallucination of a beast is telling me it’ll teach me. Aha, hahaha!” With a step, I walked straight through him, watching as he faded into nothingness. Cadence was dead, I was hallucinating, and Equestria wasn’t getting any better. There was never a more perfect time to do something. I knew where Shining would be; in Canterlot at our old house.