//------------------------------//
// P.B. and Delirium 
// Story: P.B. and J. 
// by TheAmazingMe 
//------------------------------//

Seated primly at a booth, Civil List caught sight of me before Joe did. Her expression shifted subtly from the facade she used on everypony to the more guarded expression she wore around ponies who played the games she did. In that moment, I think I hated her the most. She'd brought the barbed words with a fake smile politics from the court to a place it just didn't belong. The donut shop should have been safe from Canterlot's cruelest sport.

She rose from the seat and nodded her head at me. Joe turned and smiled at me. I could see relief flicker across his face. Whatever they'd been talking about, Joe clearly hadn't enjoyed her company. Few ponies I knew would. As I walked over, I reminded myself to breathe. My instincts told me to grab Joe, shove Civil out and start planning a trip as far away from here as we could manage. My sense won out and instead I began crafting my comments. I was younger, perhaps less experienced but with more energy and with something she'd never seen me possess. At this point, I wasn't sure if it was motivation or desperation, but in either case it was a force I'd tapped into to carry me forward.

Whatever her game, she would not win. 

"Your Highness." Civil said by way of greeting. As always, every movement was carefully controlled. Her gracefulness on par with either princess as she bowed her head. 

Matching her control, I nodded in return and managed a courtly smile. "Civil List in a donut shop? I'd never thought I'd see the day when you'd step into a place you felt beneath you."

She arched a brow. Candor had its uses in courtly exchanges. It was a surprise tactic, a verbalistic lunge that caught those unsuspecting unaware. Ever the experienced fencer, Civil let it pass. "Your words can wound, Prince Blueblood. I'm here to discuss the future. Princess Luna's party. To my knowledge, Mr. Joe has never catered for the palace before."

"So you came down just to check on catering? I am sure that Princess Luna's staff have been more than adequate at explaining procedure to Mr. Joe. You tutored many of them yourself, if memory serves." I said, leaning to one hoof so I could inspect the other.

Civil raised her chin. "And just like them, you find yourself in the service of lesser ponies. I raised you to be more. A prince that the nobility would embrace full-heartedly. A prince that could navigate the courts from the inside, instead of relying on other ponies to do so for them. Instead, you lost yourself in the worst behaviors of the well-born and bred."

"Thank you, Civil, you have made your point quite clear on that matter." I replied, icily. "I was what you made me."

Civil shook her head. "I was angry when I heard that Celestia had thrown you out. In my entire career, nothing came between her and I more than on how to handle you. But it seems you are starting to learn. You've completed your service, even made friends of Twilight Sparkle and Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. If you are willing to actually listen to me this time, there is much I can teach you."

I smiled broadly. Civil List actually returned it and held out her hoof. I looked at it for a moment, resisting the urge to spit on it by the slimmest of margins. My gaze returned to meet hers full on. "Civil List, go to tartarus."

She stiffened, her snout upturned and her eyes steely. "Weigh your words carefully. You know how powerful an ally I could be. I've returned to court to see one of two things happen. Either you return to Celestia's good graces or I get to see your downfall first-hoof. And at this point I do not much care which it is. You'd think that your first real love, unconventional as it is, would have softened your barbs."

There it was; the shot at my relationship with Joe. "Any relationship I have is none of your business."

Civil tilted her head and laughed. It was colder than I remembered and just as hollow. "Either way, the court will talk. Your reputation is tarnished on that account, oh prince of pleasure. Widening your contamination outside the peerage will most assuredly squash any chance of you returning to the House of Day. The nobles won't allow it, no matter how much charity work you do. You'll hit the glass ceiling, like many of Celestia's other failures."

"Taking a common lover is not as uncommon as it was in your time." I reminded her.

"A common, same-gender lover? You forget the preferences of the ponies behind the scenes. You'll never be an heir to the throne, but you could still lead the House of Day until it finds its next alicorn. But only if you also keep the powerful ponies happy. Lord Fields of the House of the Earth  is already against you. That leaves Fancy Pants of the House of the Loom and Fleur de Lis of the Noblesse des Fleurs."

"I have an ally in Princess Mi Amore Cadenza of the House of the Heart. And Twilight Sparkle of the House of the Stars."

"The two youngest houses in the peerage." She said dismissively, even waving a hoof.

I shook my head. "The two houses best situated to inherit the throne. Cadence already rules the Crystal Empire." I said. pointedly. "And besides, who says I want to return to the House of the Day?"

Civil actually snorted. "You can't be serious. Princess Luna's House of the Night is a joke. Her Night Court is a farce. Having you at her side, at your worst and lowest, has done neither of you any favors. One cannot pull themselves up by what is beneath them."

"Civil, let me put it bluntly. You are beneath me. These political games you play are beneath me. And the concerns of closed-minded ponies are definitely beneath me. I will make my own way back into a good position, without you."

Her smile fell immediately. "You're going to regret that. You've made many enemies among the Court and even the princesses won't be enough to save you the next time you mess up. You may find a good position, but I suppose it's time we both face facts. You will never be great." With that, she brushed past me and walked out the door.

Joe stood up, his eyes twinkling. "I can see where you got your ability to charm ponies."

I laughed, mostly out of relief, but also because he seemed no worse for the wear. "Well, at least she didn't get to you. What did she even want?"

Joe shrugged. "Honestly, I was tuning in and out. Something about the prestige of serving nobility, making a proper impression, and keeping my head on my shoulders. That my reputation could be ruined by the smallest detail overlooked."

"Sounds like she was trying to ward you away." I noted, rolling my eyes at her less-than-subtle attempts to threaten him.

Joe shrugged. "Well, she was rather dismissive to my accomplishments and my food. I was about to kindly tell her to hit the road when you showed up."

I placed a hoof around Joe, pulling him in close. He stepped into my embrace and returned it with both of his hooves. Burying my head in his shoulder, I caught the comforting scent of cinnamon and dough wafting off of Joe. He must've been working when Civil interrupted him. 

Joe gave a soft chuckle and tapped my shoulder. "I take it that your afternoon with Prince Shining Armor didn't go as planned?"

Pulling away, I shook my head and dabbed at my eyes. They'd gotten a bit misty as the stress left me. "Yes and no. I know what gave me my mark, but I'm not happy about it."

Joe perked one ear up in confusion. "That doesn't sound right. How can your special talent not make you happy?"

I walked up to the counter and peered at the donuts intently. "It's a long story. Let me tell you about it over a donut."

***

Waking up in Joe's embrace could never grow old. It was a feeling from my distant past returned to me; the security of a loving pony's touch. I could only vaguely remember my parent's faces. Years had gone by since I could recall my mother's voice. Yet I could recall the sensation of being wrapped in their forelegs, safe and happy.

I shook my head as my eyes misted over. It was too early for this sentimental stuff. Perhaps a bit more insistently than I'd intended, I shook Joe to wake him. "Hey, Joe!"

His eyes fluttered open and his embrace tightened as he pulled me to his chest. The former good feeling of his limbs around me now became a crushing, constricting force. He rolled on top of me and swung his head around wildly. "What? Who? Where?"

"Joe!" I protested, slapping his chest to get his attention and hopefully get him off of me. Now instead of crushed by his limbs, I was crushed underneath him. It took a great effort to breathe properly. 

"Oh, uh, oh!" Joe responded at last, his voice pitching from relief to confusion to realization. His weight was just as suddenly off of my chest. "Sorry, I was having a rough dream."

I rolled to the other side of the bed and sat up gingerly, rubbing my bruised barrel. My ribs seemed no worse for the wear, the soreness diminishing as I took careful breaths. "Of what? A changeling invasion?"

"Actually, it was about a centaur with these great horns who broke out of Tartarus. He was going around, stealing everypony's magic and then he teamed up with Discord. The crazy bastard even got the princesses! But he was stopped by Twilight Sparkle and her friends when they all burst into rainbows." Joe said, stumbling over himself to explain the dream in vivid detail.

I held up a hoof to stem the tide of words. "That all sounds like a great story for a work of fiction, but this is the real world. No centaurs here. And Discord is a friend to the Element of Kindness. Uh, Shutterfly, I think. Blue pegasus with a curly pink mane."

Joe shook his head. "I think you mixed up a few things there."

I waved a hoof. "Yeah, whatever. More importantly, I thought of something while I was snuggled against you. You know, before you tried to squash me to save my life?" 

"Sorry about that. Again." Joe repeated, coming over to softly massage my back. I almost shoved him away, but then my back popped and I turned into butter in his hooves. "What did you think of?"

Sighing with content, I opened my mouth to speak, but only managed a low moan as his hooves went down my spine towards my lower back. "Ohh! Oh, um, well. I was thinking that we should take a trip together. Shining Armor assured me that it wouldn't be too much of a burden and Princess Luna has been very happy with my progress since we made the soup kitchen trip a regular thing."

"And you want to get away from Civil List." Joe noted, deceptively casual.

I shook my head and chuckled. "Okay, and I want to get away from Civil List."

Finishing up on my back, Joe moved up my neck. "Are you sure you're not also trying to get out of Princess Luna's party? That's coming up very soon, you know. We just finalized the donut/cake flavors and arrangement."

"It's just a day trip. We'll leave in the morning and be back by nightfall. I can get an airship easy. Celestia commissioned a new cruiser a while back and made it clear that it was for the House of the Night. Luna's taken a few trips, so she's definitely sky-worthy." I noted the sudden absence of his hooves. Turning, I caught sight of his grin and couldn't help but return it. "What?" I asked.

"I don't think I've seen you excited like this. It's nice." He admitted, taking a hoof to ruffle my mane.

Normally, I'd send off a little shocking spell on anypony who dared touch the mane, but I took the rubbing with good humor. "Well, there's only so much moping I care to do in a year. I've hit my quota, so it's time to be happy."

"Tell you what, we can plan it all out over drinks tonight. There's a nice quiet pub in a corner of Prominence District that seems like it doesn't get a lot of notice, but it is lovely inside." Joe suggested. 

"Sounds great!" I agreed.

***

Stepping into the Moon and Horn Pub was what I'd imagine it would be like to step in off out of a foggy old Great Bittish street. A fireplace, dark-stained oaks and soft warm lighting. Boisterous laughter as a group of business-type unicorns played a game of darts. The bartender had a very authentic-sounding Cockneigh accent and he bantered playfully with the business ponies as I glanced around. 

"Well, Your Highness, fancy meeting a pony like you in a place like this." Emain Macha commented idly as she walked by. "You having a drink or two? I'll buy the first round, but you gotta tell me the story of you stealin' my brother's gal." 

I rolled my eyes. "What would your mother say, to see you in a pub like this?" I asked pointedly.

Emain snorted. "She'd say to not waste my bits on the bottom shelf swill and not forget to bring home something stiff and strong."

I blinked at the entendre. "What?"

Emain laughed, a full throaty chuckle that put me at ease. "I was pulling your leg, good thing you have four!"

My eyes went heavenward, or as close to heaven as I could manage given the fact I was indoors. The resultant view was mostly just timber supports and wooden planks. Sighing, I took a step towards the bar.

"Well, there's somepony I didn't expect to see. Emain Macha, right?" Joe said from behind me. I half-turned to face him and Emain. Her smile never faltered, rather it actually widened. 

She nudged his shoulder with her hoof. "Good t'see you both! All we need is my ill-fated brother and we could have a real fun time."

"Do you just go to pubs by yourself?" Joe asked, his voice stiff. I wasn't used to hearing Joe speak like this. 

Emain gestured wildly with a hoof. "Drinking at home's no fun and too many drunk idiots in one place would be a pain in the arse. The crowd at this pub tends to be in the Goldilocks region for me. And the drinking company's always good."

"Well, let's get that round you promised me." I prompted. Emain led the way to the bar. Joe fell in right next to me, our shoulders practically touching, in spite of the wide open floor space. I had to be wrong. My initial suspicions had to be incorrect. Joe wouldn't get...

"You just happened to run into Macha's daughter?" He asked me.

His tone did my doubt in. The anger flashed in my eyes. He must have seen it, because he amended his statement. "Small city, I guess. At this point, I should expect to see Princess Celestia at any moment."

At that point, I couldn't tell which pissed me off more. Was it that he'd gotten jealous? Or was it that he'd just abandoned the very idea as soon as it escaped his lips. This anger led me to respond in a way I hadn't done in a while. Bad habits and all.

"What'll i' be?" The bartender asked.

"A Sireish Stout." Emain ordered.

Joe piped up next. "A pint of cider."

"A Sonic Rainboom." I said. The eyebrows on the bartender, Emain, and Joe went up simultaneously. 

***

I woke up the next afternoon at Joe's place. My best guess was I left him without an alternative. Starting off with a drink that incorporated liquid rainbow, vodka, and a magically-charged shot of moonshine seemed like a much better idea at the time. "Ugh, my mouth. Oh! My head! What the hay did I do last night?" 

"You got really drunk and then told the blue-est jokes I've ever heard anypony tell. The first one almost got us kicked out." Joe said, sounding almost impressed as he passed me a tablet and a glass of water.