//------------------------------// // Chapter 8: Putting It Out There // Story: My True Self // by _Undefined_ //------------------------------// A couple of weeks later, Lyra and Bon Bon were walking back to Bon Bon’s apartment. “For somepony who’s never competed at tug-of-war before, I think you really held your own out there,” Lyra said. “I may not be an asset to the team, but at least I won’t be a liability,” Bon Bon replied as she opened the door. It was the day before Ponyville’s annual Summer’s Final Fling festival, where Bon Bon would be earning some extra money selling cotton candy. A tug-of-war competition was scheduled during the afternoon of the festival, and some of Ponyville’s vendors had, at the last minute, asked Bon Bon if she wanted to be on their team. Bon Bon had begun to decline; however, Lyra insisted that she join in. So Bon Bon spent the afternoon practicing with her new team while Lyra watched and gave them encouragement. “Sorry I won’t be there to see you compete,” Lyra said as she followed Bon Bon inside. Lyra had already told Bon Bon that she would be visiting Canterlot that day to have lunch with her foalhood friends. “And I’m sorry you can’t be there for this lunch. You know you’re welcome to tag along any other time.” “I know,” Bon Bon said. “Thanks for introducing me to them.” “Did you all get along okay?” “Absolutely. I was going to ask if you thought they liked me.” “Don’t be silly – of course they liked you.” “Ah, good,” Bon Bon said with relief in her voice. “I couldn’t really tell what Lemon Hearts was thinking.” “She’s always like that – it’s always hardest to get her to have fun. Plus, I think she’s a little overwhelmed with her job right now. But I can tell she likes you. And if she doesn’t, then tomorrow, I’ll force her to like you.” “Do I want to know how you’d force a pony to like me?” “I’ve known Lemon Hearts since kindergarten,” Lyra said. “I’ve got all kinds of things I could blackmail her with.” “Doesn’t that mean she could blackmail you right back?” “With what? I’m not ashamed of who I am. What do I have to hide?” Lyra said as she looked Bon Bon in the eyes. Into her dark turquoise eyes… Lyra was abruptly reminded of what exactly she had to hide. She reminded herself that this wasn’t a serious conversation – she didn’t actually have to worry about Lemon Hearts retaliating with that particular piece of information. Lyra hastily added, “But anyway, she likes you, so it doesn’t matter.” In her head, she chastised herself: Smooth. “It means a lot that you’d help me make friends like this,” Bon Bon said. “Without you, I’d just be sitting in here alone, probably talking to myself.” Lyra was quiet for a moment. “Can I give you some honest criticism, Bon Bon?” “You? Yes.” “I think you put too much pressure on yourself to make friends. All you have to do is be your normal self. I saw how you talked to Golden Harvest this afternoon. And Pinkie Pie. Are you telling me you’re not at least casual friends with them?” “There’s nothing casual about Pinkie Pie.” “You know what I mean.” Lyra chuckled and gave her a gentle shove. “You’re a lot of fun to be around, Bon Bon. Before I moved here, Spike told me that this is one of the friendliest places in Equestria, and he’s right. You can make all the friends you want in this town. You just have to put yourself out there.” Bon Bon thought about it. “I… it’s…” She took a breath. “I guess so,” she conceded. “It’s just that when I was growing up, I always assumed that friendship had to be something really big and meaningful. Since I couldn’t have that, I didn’t think to try and find anything else.” She sighed. “Where was a pony like you in any of the schools I went to?” Lyra turned her head dismissively. “You make it sound like I’m some kind of friendship expert. I’m not.” “You know more about it than I do. I mean, you’ve got three really good friends in Canterlot. I’m glad you introduced me to them, and I’m glad the four of us will be friends, but you and I both know I’ll never be as close to them as you are.” “Well, sure – I’ve known them for practically my whole life. That doesn’t make me an expert on the subject. Actually… for a long time, I figured that my friendships with them were as good as friendship could get. But recently, I found out how amazing friendship really can be. You know when I found that out?” “When?” “Two months ago. When I got to know you. You’re my best friend, Bon Bon.” Bon Bon’s eyes widened slightly. It was the first time Lyra had ever told her that. Bon Bon looked at Lyra, smiled, and sniffled a little. She knew that during a meaningful moment like this, Lyra would really appreciate a hug. Bon Bon happily embraced Lyra. Lyra embraced her back. “Thanks, Lyra,” Bon Bon said as she released from the hug. “You’re my best friend, too.” She paused for a second. “Though I guess you already knew that.” The next morning, Bon Bon arrived at the largest lake in Ponyville, the site of the Summer’s Final Fling festival. She pulled a cart containing a brand new cotton candy machine over to the designated vendor area and found her designated space. A table and a canopy had already been set up for her. She lifted the cotton candy machine onto the table, then pushed the cart, which also contained her supplies, behind the table. Bon Bon was feeling nervous – she reasoned that selling cotton candy would be good for her business, and she had been making decent profits on her other candies recently, but still, the professional-grade machine had been a significant purchase. If she didn’t make enough bits that day to cover at least a third of the price of the machine – not to mention the cost of renting the sales space – she was going to be in a little trouble financially. While Bon Bon was still laying out her equipment, the other vendors arrived and began to set up their stations. To Bon Bon’s immediate right, a pegasus was selling snow cones. To Bon Bon’s immediate left, and closest to the large open area where all of the ponies would be enjoying themselves, Big Macintosh had wheeled up a cart loaded with apple pies. In total, there were just six food vendors by the lake – and only three of them were selling desserts – so Bon Bon liked her chances of making plenty of sales. Still, the Summer’s Final Fling festival was a picnic event, so a lot of the ponies would be bringing their own food. It was still a little too early to begin making anything, so after she had finished setting up, Bon Bon simply stood in place, shifting on her hooves nervously. She looked over at Big Macintosh, who also had nothing to do but who looked much more relaxed about it. “Good morning, Big Mac,” she said. Big Mac smiled and gave her a nod. Bon Bon went back to nervously shifting. She wished that Lyra was there to help keep her thoughts away from worrying about sales. You’ve done everything right, she imagined Lyra saying. Ponies will love your cotton candy and everything will be fine. Hearing Lyra’s voice, even if it was only in her head, helped Bon Bon calm down a little. Eventually, though, she couldn’t wait any longer. She opened up one of her jars filled with finely granulated sugar that she had infused with a vanilla flavor. She poured some of the sugar into a chamber at the center of the machine, then lit the fire underneath. After waiting a couple of minutes, she began to repeatedly pump a pedal at the bottom of the machine, which caused the chamber to spin rapidly. After several minutes of pumping and heating, thin strings of candy floss began to fly out of the chamber. Bon Bon lowered the heat. She then picked up a paper cone with her front hooves, switched to pumping the pedal with her rear hoof, and, while leaning on the machine, began to collect the cotton candy on the cone. Soon, she had a fluffy bundle of cotton candy, which she placed in a specially built display holder. She immediately went to work forming the next bundle. Once she had placed the second serving of cotton candy in the display, she picked up a third paper cone. This time, however, she also added some hard candies to the cotton candy as it built up. After making five servings of cotton candy, Bon Bon moved the flame away from the chamber and gave the pedal a rest. It was still early in the day – she knew that most of her sales would take place in the afternoon. After a while, the residents of Ponyville began to arrive at the lake for the festival. Families and friends laid out picnic blankets on the grassy hill overlooking the lake. Some of the ponies jumped in and started swimming. As Bon Bon watched the festivities, Mr. and Mrs. Cake approached her table. Mr. Cake had a picnic basket balanced on his back. “Bon Bon!” Mrs. Cake cheerfully greeted her. “You’ve started making cotton candy?” “It’s a brand new machine,” Bon Bon said. “And what are those colorful pieces in these two over here?” Mrs. Cake asked. “They’re too big to be sprinkles.” “Those are special popping candies I got from Canterlot,” Bon Bon explained. “When you put them in your mouth, they create a tingling, popping sensation. I’m charging one bit for the regular cotton candy and two bits for the deluxe variety here.” “I’ve never tried such a thing,” Mrs. Cake said. “We’ll have to have some after lunch.” Bon Bon nodded. “It’s nice to see you two get some time away from the bakery.” “It’s nice to get out for a day,” Mr. Cake said. “The entire town’s going to be here, so there was no sense running the shop. And it seems like we never get a chance to just go out and take a day off.” Mrs. Cake said, “That didn’t stop him from opening the shop early this morning for the coffee-and-doughnuts crowd.” “It’s easier to enjoy yourself when you know you’ve made some sales for the day,” he explained. “Well, I don’t want to get in your way,” Bon Bon said. “Get out there and have some fun!” “We plan to,” Mrs. Cake said. “We’ll be back later to try some of that deluxe cotton candy. Save a helping for us!” “Will do!” Bon Bon said as the couple walked away. Morning sales were modest at best, which made Bon Bon a little nervous. She had to keep telling herself that she expected this to happen. The snow cones and slices of apple pie weren’t selling well yet, either – the festivalgoers were still finishing lunch. While Bon Bon waited for the ponies to begin craving sweets, she took bites from the salad she had brought and watched the other ponies enjoying themselves. A section of the lake had been roped off for swimming – at the moment, a game of Marco Palomino had broken out. Farther out on the lake, there were a few ponies maneuvering paddleboats and water inflatables. On the shore, some of the younger foals and their parents were building sand castles. On the grass nearby, a few nets had been set up for volleyball and badminton. Bon Bon looked over all of the activities and wished that she was having fun with the other ponies. Of course, she realized, the only pony with whom she would be participating in any of those activities was in Canterlot at the moment. Because the ponies were in the process of finishing their lunches, Bon Bon set everything on her machine back in place to begin making more cotton candy. As she did, she thought about what Lyra had said to her, both about making friends and realizing that she already had friends. Bon Bon thought about the Cakes. Were they her friends, or were they just business associates? She always exchanged friendly words with them, but she usually only saw the couple when she was delivering an order or purchasing some treats for herself. Still, they had made the effort to come visit her table and say hello – they hadn’t needed to do that. And the reason she only ever saw them at their bakery was because it seemed like they were always working. Maybe they were business friends, Bon Bon decided. She wasn’t sure whether “business friends” were a thing, but if they were, then that was her relationship with the Cakes. While Bon Bon was pumping the pedal to rotate the chamber, lost in her thoughts, Golden Harvest approached from a couple of stalls over. She had been doing brisk business selling freshly grilled carrot dogs and was taking a quick break. “Are you ready for the tug-of-war competition this afternoon?” she asked. “As ready as I’ll ever be,” Bon Bon said. “Thanks for having me on your team.” “Thank you for being our fifth. I meant to tell you earlier – the rest of the team and I are going out for drinks after the festival is over. You wanna join us?” Bon Bon’s first instinct was to politely decline – she didn’t often drink and she had always been awkward the few times she had attended that type of gathering. But then she remembered what Lyra had told her: Put yourself out there. “Sure!” Bon Bon said. She was still somewhat reluctant about the idea, so she had to fake her enthusiasm. However, as soon as she said it, Bon Bon realized that she had faked a little too much enthusiasm – they were only going out for drinks. She hoped Golden Harvest didn’t pick up on it. “Great! I’ll get you when we’re ready to leave,” Golden Harvest said. If she had detected anything false about Bon Bon’s response, she didn’t let on. As Golden Harvest returned to her stall, Bon Bon thought about the opportunity to get to know her four tug-of-war teammates better as friends. Although she was a little apprehensive, she was ultimately glad that she had accepted the invitation – and she would never have done that if it hadn’t been for Lyra. While Bon Bon continued to operate the hoof pump, she looked over at Big Mac. Was she friends with him? Not long after she had moved to Ponyville, they had worked together operating a caramel apple stand – the first time they had done it was at the conclusion of that year’s Running of the Leaves, with the two teaming up to sell more caramel apples a couple of other times after that. Big Mac and Bon Bon didn’t talk much while they were selling caramel apples. At first, Bon Bon thought it was her fault – before Lyra came along, Bon Bon had trouble keeping a conversation going for any length of time with any other pony. Bon Bon soon learned, though, that Big Mac was simply more comfortable relying on himself. As a pony who kept to herself the entire time she was in secondary school, Bon Bon could understand and respect that. Bon Bon wasn’t great at reading ponies, but she got the impression that Big Mac was happier, and a little less standoffish, when a pony wasn’t trying to constantly engage him in conversation. In their own way, maybe the two of them were friends. It seemed to Bon Bon that of all of the vendors in Ponyville, she was the one that Big Mac got along with the best. Maybe it was because she understood him on a deeper level when it came to an appreciation of solitude. Or maybe it was just because there wasn’t any of the sexual tension that always seemed to be present when the other mares were around Big Mac. As she was contemplating that, Bon Bon watched Big Mac’s little sister, Apple Bloom, run across the grass with her two filly friends. As they raced past the vendor area, Bon Bon could see that they were pulling a wagon filled with paper towel tubes, newspapers, cooking oil, matchbooks, and unlit sparklers. “Cutie Mark Crusader fireworks makers! Yay!” they shouted as they ran toward the forest. Bon Bon looked at Big Mac and could see the worry in his eyes. Simultaneously, the two of them scanned the festival for the other Apple family members. Applejack was in the lake, competing against Rainbow Dash in a swimming contest, and clearly hadn’t overheard. Granny Smith was taking a nap under the shade of a large umbrella. Big Mac watched as the three fillies disappeared into the nearby woods. He then anxiously looked at the pies. “Do you want me to watch your cart while you go after them?” Bon Bon asked. “Yup!” Big Mac exclaimed as he took off running. Bon Bon smiled. It was what friends did for each other. Soon, Bon Bon’s machine began to produce more cotton candy. While Bon Bon was forming additional bundles to sell, ponies started to approach the three dessert stalls a little more frequently. So for the next several minutes, Bon Bon found herself doing double duty. Not only was she creating, talking up, and selling her own cotton candy, but she also minded Big Mac’s cart. She could have simply told the customers that Big Mac would be back soon – she probably would have gotten some more sales from ponies who weren’t willing to wait – but Bon Bon knew that that wasn’t fair to Big Mac. Instead, if a customer asked where Big Mac was, Bon Bon explained that he had to step away, but that she knew what his prices were. She hurriedly stepped back and forth between both stations, cutting pies and making cotton candy. Eventually, Big Mac returned with three disappointed-looking fillies behind him. Bon Bon examined the forest – there was no smoke, so it appeared that everything turned out all right. Big Mac pointed toward the festival, and Apple Bloom and her friends made their way back, their heads hung low. “Business has been picking up,” Bon Bon said as she returned to focusing all of her attention on her machine. Big Mac snorted in frustration. He then glanced over his inventory – a number of pieces of pie were missing. Confused, he looked in the bag that held his bits to discover that it was fuller than he had left it. Big Mac looked to Bon Bon with his head tilted slightly, his eyes asking whether his assumptions were correct. “I ran your cart while you were gone,” Bon Bon explained. “I hope that was okay.” Big Mac nodded. He didn’t say anything, but the gratitude on his face was evident. For the next half hour, business was steady. Bon Bon was happy to see that ponies were enjoying the deluxe cotton candy – word of mouth spread quickly, and she was selling just as much of the deluxe variety as the regular cotton candy. Since she made more of a profit on the deluxe variety, she was feeling better about the day. At one point, when there was no line, Mr. and Mrs. Cake returned to her table. “One deluxe cotton candy, coming up,” Bon Bon said before either of them could even ask. As Mr. Cake began to reach for his money, she added, “For you, it’s on the house.” “Really?” asked Mr. Cake. “Really,” Bon Bon said. “I owe my whole career to you two. The least I can do is give you some cotton candy.” “Thank you so much,” Mrs. Cake said. She picked up one of the paper cones and took a bite. “Ooh!” she exclaimed as one of the candies hit her tongue. “That takes you by surprise!” Mr. Cake took a bite from the other side. “Wow,” he said appreciatively. “That’s something else.” “Who would have thought there was a way to make cotton candy more fun,” Mrs. Cake said. “Only you, Bon Bon. Has Pinkie Pie been by here yet?” “Not yet,” Bon Bon said. “Oh, she’ll love this. The next time we see her, we’ll make sure she knows.” “We’re going to have to find a way to work these candies into a frosting,” Mr. Cake said. “Well, they’re not as effective once you get them wet,” Bon Bon said. “But if you find a use for them, I’ll be happy to get more for you.” Each of the Cakes took another bite of cotton candy. “Are you having fun on your day off?” Bon Bon asked. Mrs. Cake replied, “Very much so – thank you for asking.” “I can’t remember the last time we got to spend an entire day just taking it easy,” Mr. Cake said. Mrs. Cake leaned in. “It’s especially nice,” she said quietly, “since early next spring, we aren’t going to have any time for just the two of us anymore.” Bon Bon asked, “Why, what are you—” but stopped talking once it hit her. “Are you…?” she asked excitedly. “We haven’t told too many other ponies yet,” Mrs. Cake said. “So don’t say anything.” “I won’t,” Bon Bon promised. Quietly, happily, she added, “Congratulations!” The Cakes thanked her. Seeing another customer approach Bon Bon’s table, they left. As Bon Bon made another sale, Big Mac finished with the customers at his cart. With both of the vendors momentarily not busy, he carried a slice of apple pie over and set it down next to Bon Bon’s empty salad bowl. “No charge,” he said. “Thanks.” Bon Bon thanked him back. While Big Mac returned to his cart, she eagerly took a bite. As far as she was concerned, Apple family apple pie was the best in Equestria. As the flaky crust gave way in her mouth to the filling’s perfect blend of sweet and tart, Bon Bon looked around and reflected on her day. She did have a lot of friends in Ponyville. Meanwhile, in Canterlot, Lyra was meeting with her foalhood friends. She had deliberately chosen this day to do it, as she knew that Bon Bon wouldn’t be able to accompany her. And Lyra needed to talk about Bon Bon with some ponies she could trust. “So, you all got to know Bon Bon better,” Lyra said once the four of them had gathered at their usual table. “I like her,” Minuette said. “She’s really nice,” Twinkleshine added. Lyra looked at Lemon Hearts. “I have to admit,” Lemon Hearts said, “you really are two peas in a pod.” “Thank you,” Lyra said. “I suppose you still haven’t told her,” Lemon Hearts said. “You seem awfully eager to make sure ponies know I’m gay,” Lyra said. There was a slight edge of anger to her voice. “This isn’t about me, and you know it,” Lemon Hearts said, matching Lyra’s tone. “You met a pony that you get along really well with – heck, you even moved to a completely different town just to spend more time with her – but you’re keeping a part of who you are secret from her. This isn’t like you, Lyra.” “And we can all tell it bothers you,” Minuette said sympathetically. “We don’t like seeing you like this,” Twinkleshine said, genuinely concerned. “Why won’t you tell her?” Lyra looked down at the table. After a moment, she quietly said, “I’m afraid.” “Afraid to tell somepony?” Lemon Hearts said. “You do it all the time. When that annoying stallion tried to hit on you a few moons ago, you seemed especially happy to shut him down.” “In her defense,” Minuette said, “once she told him she was gay, it only seemed to get him more excited.” “I’m afraid,” Lyra said, “to find out how Bon Bon will respond. What will happen if she hates me for it. Not just what it would do to her. But what it would do to me. We’re best friends. If she stops talking to me, I’ll be… well, heartbroken. If I never tell her, that can’t happen.” “Best friends?” asked Twinkleshine. She and Lemon Hearts looked at Minuette. Lyra was close to all three of them, but of the three, she was the closest to Minuette. “You saw how they got along,” Minuette said to them. “It’s not surprising.” She spoke very matter-of-factly. For emphasis, she added, “We’re still her friends, too.” Lyra either didn’t notice the subtext or was so certain it wouldn’t be an issue, she didn’t acknowledge it. “I told her she was my best friend. And it’s true. I was hoping that once I said it out loud, it would help me come to terms with my other problem, but it didn’t.” “What problem?” Twinkleshine asked. “I have dreams about her,” Lyra said. “Not like daydreams. Actual, while-I’m-sound-asleep, dream dreams. Dreams where we’re more than just friends. And I know that we’ll never be more than friends – and I’m fine with that. I really am. I’m glad we’re best friends. I just wish I knew what to do with these feelings.” The other three were quiet. They all searched for the right words. Finally, Lemon Hearts broke the silence. “Lyra, I’m going to ask you a question. There’s a reason I’m asking this. I’m not trying to make things awkward or fish for compliments, but: Have you ever had these feelings about any of us?” Lyra was taken aback. “We’ve known each other since we were fillies!” she said. Lemon Hearts just looked at her. “Okay,” Lyra said, “maybe when I was going through puberty and trying to figure things out, I thought Twinkleshine was kind of cute.” She turned to Twinkleshine. “But I never thought about asking you out. Or had any dreams about it.” Minuette put her hoof to her chest and pretended to be offended. “I thought you weren’t trying to make things awkward,” she said to Lemon Hearts. Lemon Hearts ignored her. “I was going to ask what you did to move past that,” she said to Lyra. “I’ve never had to move past that before,” Lyra said. “I’ve never kept having a crush on a pony after I found out she was straight.” The other three went quiet again. “And that’s another reason I don’t want to tell her,” Lyra said. “No matter how she reacts, I don’t want to deal with the awkwardness of being attracted to her like this.” “It sounds like it’s pretty awkward already,” Lemon Hearts said. “Only for me,” Lyra replied. “It would be a lot worse if she knew.” Another pause. “I just wish I knew how to get over this.” “You really love her, don’t you?” Twinkleshine asked. “Love?” Lyra said. “I mean, I really like spending time with her. And she’s definitely attractive. But it sounds wrong to say I’m in love with a pony I know will never love me back. In that way.” “You know,” Lemon Hearts said, “there’s a princess in the castle who’s supposedly the princess of love. I don’t know anything about her – my department doesn’t work with her retinue. But I could try to find something out for you. Maybe she knows how to help ponies with unrequited love.” Lyra didn’t take too long to think about it. “You know I don’t like to ask you for favors like that,” she said. “But right now, I’ll take any help I can get.” The next day, Bon Bon knocked on Lyra’s door. When Lyra answered, it was clear that Bon Bon was excited. “How did it go?” Lyra asked. “Great!” Bon Bon replied. “It seemed like most of the ponies wanted snow cones, but I sold enough of the deluxe cotton candy to justify the cost of the machine. You should have seen the look on Pinkie’s face when the popping candies first went off. But that’s the best part – you were right about the friends thing.” Lyra smiled. “Afterward, my tug-of-war team went out for drinks. I didn’t do much drinking, but I made more of an effort to be a part of the conversation, and we all got along really well.” “How did your team do?” “Well, we competed. That’s what’s important.” Lyra chuckled. “Oh – Berry Punch is going to be out of town for a week, and she needs somepony willing to water all her plants in exchange for a few bits. I volunteered you for the job.” “Thanks,” Lyra said. “You’re the best agent I’ve ever had.” “I’m the only agent you’ve ever had.” A beat. “You’re the worst agent I’ve ever had?” “Do you want the leftover cotton candy or not?” A few days later, Lyra received a letter from Canterlot. Dear Lyra, I spoke with the princess’s representatives today. Unfortunately, they said that she wasn’t seeing petitioners at this time. If anything changes, I’ll let you know. We’re always here to talk if you need us. In the meantime, what if you tried to meet somepony else? Maybe that would help take your mind off of your problem. I’m sorry if I was a little short with you at lunch the other day. You know it’s only because I don’t like seeing you unhappy. Your friend, Lemon Hearts Lyra was disappointed, but she reminded herself that she knew it was unlikely a princess would want to hear about her petty problems. Lyra reread the letter. Meet somepony else? she thought to herself. How am I supposed to find somepony else who’s as perfect for me as Bon Bon?