The region that Humph lived in was a heavily forested combination of fields and deep woods. It was extremely rural and secluded, with the houses connected only by a long dirt road. Sunflower, it seemed, lived up a large hill and far set back from the road. Her seclusion was initially frightening- -especially to Fluttershy, who would not release Trixie’s neck- -until they reached her house.
As dilapidated and mouldening as Humph’s house was, Sunflower’s was well-kept and cheerful. The house itself was large but built into the forest, a combination of stone and brightly-painted wood that made a pleasant cottage. Smoke was rising from her chimney in the cool night, and in the moonlight it was possible to see that she also had a barn at the edge of a large field in the distance.
They approached the front door, which was unusually tall and wide compared to those that had been on Humph’s house. It was also relatively high off the ground, reachable by a concrete ramp.
“Okay,” said Humph. “I’m not going to lie. Sunflower scares me. A little. And she can be mean.”
“Mean?” said Fluttershy, quivering. “How mean?”
“Oh, not that mean. Just…well, let me do the talking.”
Humph stepped up to the door, stopped, and cleared his throat. Then he proceeded to pound on the door with every limb he had as though he had suddenly entered a frantic panic.
“Sunflower! SUNFLOWER! WAKE UP!”
Almost as soon as he touched the door, the top section opened. The reason it was so large, it seemed, was because it was the type that was separated into an upper and lower component. Another human appeared, her head and torso visible through the open door. Her skin was much darker than Humph’s, and she was wearing a neat blue blouse. She did not look happy.
What Sweetie Belle noticed, however, was that two things were slightly odd about her. One was that her ears were much longer and more pointed than Humph’s were, and that she seemed unusually tall. Sweetie Belle assumed that she must have been standing on a platform on the other side of the door, perhaps to see out the upper port without opening the lower.
The sudden opening of the upper door took Humph by surprise. He was knocked in the head- -hard- -and went tumbling headfirst into the shrubs that bordered the concrete ramp, at which point he promptly disappeared into the greenery.
“Dinklehugen,” said the woman in a harsh, authoritative voice. “It’s almost a quarter to nine! If this is anything like the last time you asked me for late-night help- -”
“I told you! I had fallen into a box of produce!”
“That’s what they all say- -” Sunflower looked around the door at Humph. “What are you doing in there? Get out of my stinging nettles!”
“Nffms?” said Sweetie Belle, speaking through a mouthful of the pointy greens.
“Nettles?” squeaked Humph.
“Yes nettles, I use them for…” Sunflower paused, and for the first time seemed to notice the three ponies standing on her doorstep. “Dinklehugen,” she said, slowly, “what did you do?”
“Why would you assume I did something?”
“Because I have two unicorns and a winged…thing on my front stoop.”
“Pegasus,” said Fluttershy.
“Correction. Talking horses. On my ramp.”
“I’m just glad you can see them too. I thought I was tripping balls of prodigious diameter.”
“Oh, I can see them.” She sighed and put her hand on her forehead. “Just when I thought I could get some rest…maybe read, go to be early.” She groaned. “I guess I’m a part of this now, though. So be it.” She unlatched the lower door. “Horses. You can come in, if you want. I’ll get you tea. If Dinklehugen can extricate himself, I won’t kick him in the face if he tries to enter.”
“Thank you very much,” said Fluttershy. “It’s very kind of you.”
“Aww,” she said. “Aren’t you adorable.”
“Are you being sarcastic?” asked Trixie, suspiciously.
“I don’t know yet.”
Sunflower pushed the lower door open and turned around, walking away and leaving the ponies to enter. They started too, feeling a bit more confident and comfortable around her over the slightly off weirdo now stuck up to his ankles in a nettle bush beside them- -until they saw the part of Sunflower that was below the door.
Her human waist terminated in against the deep chestnut body of a horse. She was a centaur.
The ponies hesitated. None of them wanted to follow her, with Fluttershy shaking and looking as though she was on the verge of either all-out collapse or attempting to run.
“Are you coming in or not?” called Sunflower. “You’re letting the stupid in.”
Hesitantly, Sweetie Belle stepped forward. Trixie, not wanting to be outdone, pushed Sweetie Belle out of the way and entered first. Fluttershy remained, quivering on the front step, but Humph had by this time freed himself from the nettles. He spat out several snails, and then picked Fluttershy up.
“Come on, wingyhorse.”
“O…okay…”
The house was not actually intrinsically terrifying, though. Some elements of it were modified for centaur habitation, but for the most part, it was an ordinary dwelling that seemed to be meant for humans like Humph. The floors- -normally wood- -had been covered with a nonslip surface, and some of the doors had been enlarged to accommodate Sunflower’s stature. In all, though, it was warm, well-lit, and welcoming, if weirdly neat.
Sunflower led them farther back into the house to an area that was immediately recognizable as a combined kitchen and dining room.
“Sit,” she said, pointing at an extremely low table with several cushions around it.
Trixie and Sweetie Belle looked at each other, but then did as they were told. It took them a moment to figure out how to use the cusions, but when they finally did, they were both pleasantly surprised.
“Hey,” said Sweetie Belle, “this is actually really comfortable!”
“I know,” said Trixie. “Way better than all the wooden chairs and stools in Equestria. It’s almost as if- -”
“It were designed for someone with a horse body?” said Sunflower, who was pouring tea at her counter.
“Tea? This late at night?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“We’re all English here. It’s always time for tea.”
Humph followed them in and set a now mostly fear-stiffened Fluttershy on a cushion. He himself then sat down on one of the others. It was as awkward for him as it was comfortable for equines, and he almost seemed to be partially eaten by the soft material.
“Squishy,” he said. He sat up and picked up a book that had been hastily placed on the table. “What’s this? ‘Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire’?” He looked up at Sunflower. “I didn’t know you were into biographies.”
“Ugh,” said Trixie. “The Great and Powerful Trixie does not like nonfiction.”
“Then the ‘Great and Powerful’ Trixie is an ignorant twit,” said Sunflower. “That book is excellent. Even if it does focus on those arrogant meatheaded Gryffindors.”
“Wait, what did you call Trixie?”
No one answered, and the room mostly fell silent as Sunflower finished what she was doing. Sweetie Belle noticed that Humph was somewhat more fidgety than normal, and at first she attributed this to him sitting on a cushion instead of a chair- -but then she realized that there was more to it than that.
“So,” said Humph as Sunflower. “I…um…like your tail?”
Sunflower pivoted suddenly, pressing her rear against the counter and blushing profusely. All three of the ponies looked at Humph, dumbfounded that he had just said something like that out of the blue.
“Why- -why would you say something like that?” cried Sunflower angrily.
“I was just- -I just mean- -it looks good- -”
“You DON’T say something like that!”
“She’s right,” said Trixie. “I mean, what are you, some sort of pervert?”
“I didn’t- -I’m not- -”
“Even I know you’re not supposed to just talk about a mare’s tail,” said Sweetie Belle.
“It’s just downright rude. I’m sorry,” said Fluttershy. “Why, if somepony were to talk about my tail…” She shivered.
“I don’t understand!”
“You don’t- -gah, how can you be that stupid?” said Trixie, looking as though she were about to attack. “If you’re looking at her tail, it means you’re looking at her BUTT.”
“The unicorn is right!” exclaimed Sunflower. “Why would you be looking down there? Do you have any idea what it’s like not being able to wear pants? Oh wait…of course you of all people do.”
“Wait,” said Sweetie Belle, confused. “So…butts are bad? Um…why? When Tender Taps got his cutie mark, he spent like four hours shaking it in the face of every pony he could find. He even got taken in by the town guard for it…”
“I’ll tell you when you’re older,” said Fluttershy.
“I’m sorry,” said Humph. “I didn’t mean to look. I mean, it’s not like your butt is bad or anything, it’s really horsey- -”
Everyone groaned. “Just keep digging, why don’t you?” muttered Trixie.
To her credit, Sunflower contained her anger well. She walked over and set the tray of tea on the table. Then she walked behind Fluttershy, snatched the book from Humph’s hand, and slapped him. It was not a trivial slap, either. It was booming, and Humph was thrown backward by the force.
“Ow!” he squealed.
“Honor restored,” said Sunflower. “I have the hindquarters of a horse, you pervert. If I catch you looking at my tail again, the next one is going to be a hoof, and you’re going to wake up in the ravine. Got that?”
“Okay. Okay…” Humph took a deep breath. “I’m neither going to look at nor mention your horse butt.”
“Good,” said Sunflower, gently lowering herself onto a cushion at the end of the table. She took a deep breath, then straightened her blouse and took a cup of tea on a saucer. She gently sipped it. As she did, the ponies started to edge away from her slightly.
“What?” she said. “It’s like you’ve never seen a centaur before.”
“No…” mumbled Fluttershy. “We have…”
“Can…I have some tea?” asked Humph.
“No. No tea for you.” Sunflower glared at Humph, and he looked supremely dejected. She sighed. “So. I was going to read my books and go to bed early tonight, but guess what? Now I can’t. I’ve got three tiny talking horses sitting around my table drinking tea, and you. Now are you going to explain why you insist on ruining my night, or are you just going to sit there and stare like the idiot you are?”
“Why are you so mean?” whined Humph. He put his head down on the table with a hollow thunk, and then lifted it up and- -within less than two minutes- -explained the entire situation at ultra-high speed. Most of it was bizarre asides about his potion making and how this was not like the last time when he had seen fluffy snakes shooting out of the ground or that one time when he really did see a flaming toad, but Sunflower did not interrupt him. She just sat there and listened attentively with a look of mild disinterest.
Trixie also attempted to give her side of the story, but it was so long winded and voluminous that Sweetie Belle was forced to summarize. Sunflower listened to them as well, and when they had finished, she took a long pause.
“Hmm,” she said at last. “This isn’t good.”
“Isn’t good?” squeaked Fluttershy. “That’s almost as bad as…bad! Oh…why is there never good news when something like this happens?”
Sunflower put down her tea. “Right. You three?” she pointed. “You’re not unicorns.”
“Well, I know Fluttershy isn’t,” said Sweetie Belle. “And Trixie is basically an earth-pony with a growth at this point, but- -”
“Not what I mean,” said Sunflower. “You are not like OUR unicorns.”
“You have unicorns?” said Humph. “I didn’t know you were into- -”
“Does your house have lead plumbing?”
“Yes.”
“Well then stop drinking the water. Idiot. That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?” asked Fluttershy timidly.
“I meant that you are not like the unicorns we have here. In this world.”
“This world?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“Compounded with the fact that you claim to have never seen a human. They’re basically vermin, they’re everywhere. What you’re describing sounds like a transdimentional jump.”
Fluttershy sighed. “That’s what I was afraid of.”
“Transdimensional jump?” said Trixie, as if she were offended. “Preposterous!” she leaned over to Sweetie Belle. “Because I totally know what that means!”
“No you don’t. But that doesn’t make it non-preposterous. If that’s a word. But transferring to a non-derivative reality without any kind of catalyst or artifact? That’s not possible. It just isn’t, not even for Starlight- -”
“The artifact is right there,” said Fluttershy, pointing at Sweetie Belle’s neck.
“I noticed that too,” said Sunflower. “That thing feels…wrong. It’s not normal.”
“It’s just a necklace….that could hijack a spell and force a compensatory Starswirlian response…” Sweetie Belle face-hooved. “Ow!”
“So can you help?” asked Humph.
“No,” said Sunflower, curtly.
“But why not?”
“Because this is WAY beyond me. It’s way beyond anyone. Crossing the boundaries of reality…it makes making a horcrux look like sneezing into a bucket. Which is actually a step in the process, if you were wondering.”
“Really?” said Humph, writing that down on a small pad.
“The point is, I can’t do anything about it.”
“Then how are we supposed to get home?” asked Trixie.
The room fell silent. No one had an answer.
“You know,” said Humph, after a moment. “If that’s all it is…”
“ALL IT IS?” cried Sweetie Belle. “I’m trapped in another reality, and I’m 11! I can barely even remember to clean my room, let alone do- -do any of this!”
“Calm down,” said Sunflower, putting her hand on Sweetie Belle’s back. Sweetie Belle promptly recoiled.
“Don’t touch me, and don’t tell me to calm down! This is the LEAST calm situation I can possibly think of!”
“I have seven hundred and eighty two less calm situations I can think of,” said Fluttershy. “This isn’t that bad.”
“What I was going to say,” said Humph, “was that I think I might know a guy.”
“A guy?” said Sunflower, raising one eyebrow. “You know a guy with experience with that level of magic?”
“Maybe…but they’ll be asleep now. Probably. We can go tomorrow.”
“Fine,” said Sunflower. “And the ponies will stay with me tonight.”
“What? No, I have more than enough room- -”
“I’m not leaving young, naïve pony women- -one of whom is a minor- -with a man named ‘Hump’. A man who, might I add, is not currently wearing any trousers.”
The ponies and Humph looked down and saw that Sunflower was right. “Wow,” said Sweetie Belle. “They really are temporary.”
“My barn is both finished and furnished,” explained Sunflower. “I know it must seem rude for me to suggest that sentient creatures like yourselves should stay in an outbuilding like common mules, but I assure you, it is quite comfortable.”
They did not protest. None of them would say what they were all thinking: that there were probably free rooms in Sunflower’s main cottage. Not one of them, though, felt comfortable with even the possibility of sleeping near a centaur. It had barely been six months since Tirac had ravaged their own land, and they could see the same glimmer in Sunflower’s yellow eyes that had been in his.
“That’s very kind of you,” said Trixie, the only one who actually seemed interested in sleeping in a barn. “Being a celebrity, I’m used to luxurious accomidations- -”
“You mean the one-room hobo cart?” added Sweetie Belle.
“Yes, and my one-room hobo car- -HEY!”
“Is it okay that I sleep naked?” said Fluttershy.
“Fluttershy,” said Sweetie Belle. “You’re naked right now. You’re a pony.”
“I’m not sleeping right now, though.”
“I sleep naked,” said Humph.
“…and that’s a thought I can’t unimagine,” said Sunflower, darkly. “Thank you very much for that.”
“Right,” said Humph, standing up. “Well, I have stuff to do. Probably.”
“What kind of stuff,” asked Sweetie Belle.
“STUFF! The kind that doesn’t involved houseguests, apparently.” He looked dejected and started walking toward the door. “I’ll see you in the morning. Sleep well. And whatever you do, don’t look at Sunflower’s horse butt.”
Sunflower stood suddenly, but Humph was already sprinting. He exited the cottage and immediately slipped, returning to the stinging nettle patch.
“Idiot,” muttered Sunflower.