Rainbow Dash frantically paced back and forth in the dining room of her cloud home, breaths coming quick and panicky. Her tail swished back and forth, and her wings were spread, ready to take flight at a moment's notice.
“Ahhh!” A girly scream Dash would normally be ashamed of escaped her throat as her front door suddenly swung open, and Twilight Sparkle rushed in.
“Hey, I flew here as fast as I could.” The purple princess panted in exertion, and tossed her large winter scarf blindly over a chair as she trotted in. Since Twilight was focused on her panicking pegasus friend, she failed to notice the pony tied to chair that her scarf had just covered. “What's up?”
“Uhmmm… Nothing! Everything is fine, you should go!” Dash said in an uncharacteristically flat voice, her face showing her nervousness.
Twilight’s expression gave away her irritation at the answer, annoyed to be called away from her studies for one of Rainbow’s games.
“You said there was an emergency and you need my help right now.”
“I did not say there was an emergency and I need your help right now.” Dash insisted.
Twilight pulled her phone out and held it up as she pressed a button with her magic. Immediately, Dash’s voice came out of the speaker; “Twilight there's an emergency and I need your help right now!”
Rainbow kept her flat tone. “That was a joke.”
The phone continued contradicting her statements. “This is not a joke!”
“That was also a joke.”
“No it isn't!” Again, the phone contradicted, just before Dash snatched it from Twilight. “Whatever you do Twilight don't let me smash your ph-”*BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG*
Rainbow smashed Twilight’s phone to bits under her hoof in a panic.
“My plot pics…” Twilight said sadly, before rolling her eyes and sighing. “Fine, I'll go.” She grabbed her scarf off the chair to go when the pony tied to the chair finally spoke up.
“Howdy.”
Twilight shrieked in surprise! “Ahhh!”
“Ahhh…” Dash looked away a bit.
“What is this?!” Twilight turned to Dash, keeping a hoof pointed at the orange earth mare.
“Uhhh, that is… an alien. That I have captured.” Dash explained uncertainly. “You're welcome.”
“It's clearly Applejack, Dash.”
“Could ya help me out sugarcube?” Applejack asked, her southern twang ever present.
“See! What's it saying? I don't know, cause it's an alien.” Dash again denied Twilight's explanation.
“Southern, she’s a southern po-” Twilight turned back to look at her farmer friend to find her now gone from the chair. “Urgh… Where’s she gone?” She returned her now slightly more irritated gaze back at Rainbow.
“Oh look, she's gone so everything is fine and back to normal and you can leave now. Also, do you like my new lamp?” Dash looked down for a moment to mumble before looking back up at Twilight.
With a very unamused look, Twilight removed the lampshade from Applejack’s head.
“Ah’m gettin’ hungry.” Applejack said calmly, her hooves still tied together as she stood next to Dash.
“Oh no! Twilight! The alien is back! You should fly away before it drinks your blood!”
Twilight again answered with an unamused tone. “That's a vampony.”
“She's a vampony? Twilight, oh no!” Dash held her front hooves to her cheeks in a surprise expression.
“No! She's not a vampire… or an alien! She's just, southern.”
“Well, if she's not an alien, then how do you explain this anal probe I found?” Dash asked Twilight as she pulled a shiny red apple from Applejack’s signature cowpony hat.
“That is an apple, and also that is not fitting in anypony’s anus.”
“Not with that attitude!” Dash retorted confidently.
“Don't ya dare put my beakfast up yer ass.” Applejack said, shaking her head as she looked at Dash.
“What?” Dash stared blankly.
Twilight snatched the cowpony hat from Rainbow Dash with her magic. “She's not an alien! She's just got…” She pulled out a set of keys. “...Barn keys.”
“For a… space barn.”
“A bowl of grits.”
“In a space bowl.”
“Sexy socks?”
“You mean space socks?”
“A wooden pole?”
“Well that's a space bar.”
“A bottle of cider?”
“From a space bar.”
“And a laptop?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh."
“With a spacebar.” Dash began furiously tapping the laptop's spacebar with a loud clicking sound.
Twilight pulled yet another unamused face as she used flipped the laptop in her magic and let it drop in frustration, followed by a loud crash as it broke on the floor.
“Mah plot pics…” Applejack said sadly, looking down at the broken Macbook.
Twilight held her head in a hoof and sighed. “Dash, how did you find this ‘alien’?”
“Well you see, that's actually kind of a funny story. You see, I was relaxing on a cloud… in Sweet Apple Acres… and I got super drunk and I kidnapped Applejack and oh my Celestia, Twilight please help me what do I do?!” Dash broke down, her voice wavering as she panicked and held her head in her hooves. Applejack still stood next to her, also panicking and looking between the two mares.
“Well… There's only one thing we can do.” Twilight's face got a sinister look as she charged her horn with a spell, while Applejack shook her head, terrified.
The ropes cut easily with the magic knife Twilight had conjured up, making satisfying little snaps with each cut. “There, you're free to go.” Twilight said, watching Applejack remove the now cut ropes.
“Much obliged!” Applejack smiled, happy to be free.
“Haha, much obliged.” Twilight mimicked, laughing along with Applejack, smiles on their faces.
Twilight turned to Applejack, suddenly wearing a cowpony hat, her eyes now completely black and her cutie mark the same as Applejack's. “Mercy is for the weak! We shall cleanse this planet of all that isn't apples.” Her voice had gained the same southern twang as Applejack and her family.
“Aw shit.” Dash said, back to her normal tone.
“Boy howdy! Thank for freein’ me partner!” Applejack had her cowpony hat back on, eyes also completely black.
“Get them anal probes ready!!!” Twilight held up a shiny red apple, and began laughing maniacally with Applejack as the two turned towards Rainbow Dash.
Dash began screaming and held her hooves close.
In space, the entire planet of Equis was surrounded with huge, apple-shaped spaceships.
With a pop, Dash let out a gasp in surprise. “Oh! Told you it would fit!”