It wasn’t fair.
Celestia stared down from the parking garage roof, watching the humans as they moved about their daily lives. The sounds of reconstruction were echoing throughout the streets of New York, new pavement and buildings were being raised from newly supplied materials.
It had only been a year since the ‘Solar War’ had ended, and the humans were already tearing down the ruins and throwing up new buildings to replace them. Celestia gave a sad chuckle at how her part in their history would be called forever more. Solar Queen, Solar Tyrant, equine supremacist… human killer… each one she undoubtedly earned.
When she had first watched humans she had been filled with such loathing. Their furless bodies, their violence, their intolerance… it was all that she had been able to see. It had taken the war, and her… punishment to see their capacity for compassion, and their almost magical talent to survive anything.
It still puzzled her why she had never tried to look closer at them. Why had she felt such rage, such hypocritical intolerance on her own part? They were locked a whole dimension away from her… from Equestria. They posed no threat, even if they were as violent as she had believed then. Why did she devise the potion, knowing it would trap them screaming inside sycophantic shells?
The memory of those empty smiles, those blank eyes… the sights of murder in her name… it made her want to vomit.
Celestia turned her eyes down, spying a man and woman holding hands as they walked close together. A young married couple, she guessed. Her heart ached, remembering how she had so easily deceived Cadance and Shining Armor into joining her crusade. And with that memory, other painful recollections poured forth, and Celestia couldn’t stop them.
She had lied to Twilight, and used her trust to help devise the barrier. Luna had gone along with her until she uncovered the truth, and when Luna had tried to talk some sense into her sister… Celestia had left her sister a petrified statue. That memory especially bit at her… she had even called her sweet, loving Luna a sniveling traitor to Equestria before doing it.
Why, why had she been so filled with hate?
Celestia bit her cheek, her eyes moving to the ledge, wishing she could simply leap and end this sad existence. She knew she couldn’t. Twilight’s own contribution to her punishment wouldn’t allow her to. She had tried once before with a kitchen knife, and it would end with the same result. With her safely walking away. Alive, unharmed, and quietly suffering behind a smile.
Where did Twilight Sparkle learn to be so cruel?
Celestia knew. It had been her final lesson to her former student. One she would give anything to erase. Not for her own sake, but for the sake of both worlds.
She wondered how Equestria was handling the realization of what it had been a part of. The nobility had gone along with it, eagerly. Some of them had even openly kept Newfoal servants as status symbols. Now? She only hoped they shared a similar punishment.
She looked down at her hands. Not hooves, but slender, delicate digits. Grime was etched under her nails, and she could feel her skin was uncomfortably dry from her work. It had been hundreds of years since she had done menial labor, and if she kept quiet and kept to a healthy diet… she might live another sixty.
The chance to live as an ordinary citizen, to get her hands, or hooves dirty… how many times had she envied the common folk of Equestria while she sat on a golden throne? She had glorified it while she bathed in luxury. Now, she was a dishwasher at the same homeless shelter which she lived. How many humans would love to see the self-entitled Queen Celestia, Bringer of Salvation and Harmony reduced to this?
And yet, Celestia didn’t think it was fair.
She deserved far worse for what she was clearly guilty of.
When… whatever had caused such hate had been purged in the final battle, she had openly pleaded for the worst for Tartarus had to offer. The human concepts of Hell, the worst torments possible by mortals on her immortal body would be exactly what she deserved. She had subjugated half of a world, and robbed her subjects and loved ones of their innocence. Four billion humans were dead, and civilizations thousands of years old were expunged from the face of this planet because of her.
Death would have been too kind, but… to be turned into a human?
She could still hear the voice of Twilight Sparkle as she sat in judgement over her at her trial.
“Celestia, this court finds you guilty of all charges, and hereby renders its judgement. Your magic will be forcibly removed, and you will be branded with a mark of magical apathy so that it will never return, and you will never be a threat to anypony again. Since you have caused such widespread death among the human race, I can see no greater punishment than to condemn you to the form you sought to wipe from existence. You will be banished from Equestria to Earth, alone, anonymous, and enchanted so that you may not take your life or take actions that would cause your premature death, nor will you be able to reveal your identity. You will be alone, penniless, and dependant on the sympathy of the human race.”
Since arriving, Celestia had only known shame. Every kind act shown to her was met with begrudging acceptance. She didn’t deserve any of it. She had wanted to die on that first winter night, but her enchantment couldn’t allow her to refuse a warm place at the shelter.
“You shouldn’t feel this way.”
Celestia looked up, she hadn’t spoken, yet it was her voice.
“Twilight was wrong to spare you. You might be able to kill yourself, but you could continue our divine work.”
Celestia gasped as she saw her reflection in the glass of the adjacent building. Not her human reflection, but the mirror image of her at the height of her crusade. The golden shimmering mane, the masterfully crafted armor, the look of seething loathing for her surroundings… had she really looked like that?
“They think you’re one of them, what better cover could you ask for?” The image spoke without speaking, “A bomb in the right place could wipe out a fair number of them. Who would expect the filthy wash woman?”
Celestia shook her head. No. No more killing. No more death. Whatever this thing was, she would not listen.
The Celetia in the glass seemed to twist its mouth into a cold grin, “You know you loved it. The power, the control.”
Celestia clamped her hands over her ears, but it did nothing to silence the voice.
“But, what am I saying? Of course you did. I’m you.” Not-Celestia tittered, “Twilight wasn’t so thorough as she thought. Of course there are ways around a mark of magical apathy. Since earth has been exposed to so much magic there may be a way to counter-”
“No.”
The proud reflection lost its smile. “What?”
“Yes, there might be a way, but I will not take that route.” Celestia stated, “I deserve this fate.”
The reflection glowered at her, “You deserve to be a queen. These humans kill and maim each other over the pettiest things, and as ponies they were always so willing to help.”
“They didn’t have a choice.” Celestia countered, now facing her twisted image with a glare of her own.
Not-Celetia turned her nose up in a manner that Celestia had seen a million times by the Canterlot elite.
“A delusional mare dying of thirst may refuse water. If you don’t force her to drink, then you are responsible for their fate.” The mirror-Celestia stated in a voice as cold and sharp as glass.
“The only delusional mare here is me.” Celestia snorted, “Whatever you are, you have no power over me. I’ll decide what I do.”
“And who are you?” The reflection mocked, “You are Celestia de Sol, the mare who should be Queen of Equestria and Earth, you should have won this pathetic war but you dragged your hooves! You should be relaxing in Canterlot, watching the Newfoals clean their world for our ponies arrival, and allow them to worship you like the savior you are!”
The disgust was now boiling in Celestia’s cheeks, and she stood tall and proud for the first time in a year.
“That mare is dead!” Celestia shouted, not caring who heard her. “I’ll never ever be her again, and I never want to be!”
All it took was a blink, and the Celestia in the glass was gone.
Celestia shook with rage as she sank back down to the garage floor, holding herself as she shook.
“Never… never ever again...”
The sound of the stairway door opening caused Celestia to turn her head to see Mitch, a young man from the shelter’s volunteer staff exit. She wanted to duck behind a car, and avoid him, but he spotted her and rushed across the parking spaces to her.
“Jane, there you are! Frank told me he saw you come over here.” He smiled, seeming to be relieved at finding her, “Dinner prep’s about to start, and we need you there.”
Celestia stood, not wanting to look the young man in the eye. The warm, polite way he spoke to her was almost too much for her to bare.
“I’ll be down in a moment. I… just wanted some time to myself.” She lied.
“Are you okay? It sounded like you were shouting.” Mitch asked.
Had he been spying on her, only jumping in when she had shouted at… whatever that was, or had Mitch genuinely just coincidentally stumble upon her as IT had left her?
It didn’t matter.
Celestia turned to him, “I’m… better than I came up here, I think.”
Mitch seemed unconvinced, “Listen, Jane… I know things are rough, but… you can always talk to me, right?”
Celestia shook her head, “No, really. I just had a lot on my mind, and needed to get some things sorted out.”
Celestia moved past her co-worker, “Come on… I’m hungry, and I don’t get to eat until everyone else gets a plate.”
Mitch chuckled as he followed her, “You know you could eat something while we prep everything. You don’t have to starve while everyone else eats.”
The woman shook her head, “Maybe, but it doesn’t seem fair any other way.”
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END
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