Secret Service: Operation Anthropology

by Kaliann25


011

Equestria, precinct of ManeHattan police; Sunday 5:17pm

The two Royal Guards pushed the beaten but satisfied Sweet Pea inside the cell along with gang members, noisy drunks and even a recently captured mob boss (Mas-Carpone a cheese trafficker who made millions during the prohibition).
Princess Celestia advanced slowly and threatening behind her two soldiers, but still Sweet Pea stayed as calm and arrogant as before. He had a stupid self-confidence smile on his face since he revealed his true intentions and kept it during the beating; but Celestia was determined to erase it from his face, no matter how he will pay.

“Ladies and gentlecolts” she announced to all the prisoners. “I brought you a piece of fresh meat, please feel free to release your darkest impulses on him since he have to learn his lesson, but you better hurry because we won’t stay here for long”

Sweet Pea laughed.

“So you realized I’m the kind of pony with the right contact in the right and not-so-right places, huh?”

Celestia’s eyebrow twitched in irritation.

“Listen to me you bastard: as soon I have news from my sister we’ll translate you to a maximum security prison where I’ll make sure you won’t see any kind of light ever again, understood?”

Then she faced the other prisoners.

“Anyway, as I was saying, I’ll concede freedom to whoever erase that stupid smile from his face, understood?”

The rest of the prisoners scratched their heads in confusion not getting why their beloved Princess was acting this way, what did this pony ever did to her?
At the end Celestia and her bodyguards left the room with Sweet Pea still smiling at the door.

Suddenly a hoof placed on the billionaire’s shoulder.

“Ey, I think I remember you. Weren’t you from the same neighborhood I was?”

Sweet Pea turned, it was the mob boss.

“Indeed, such a wonderful memory mister Carpone. You used to date my sister, remember?”

“Oh yeah! Yummy Beans! Good, kind, generous… before she disappeared I was working hard willing to change my ways… but then she disappeared and everypony began to blame me for that. They said I got her pregnant forcing her to run away even if I respected her wish to wait until we get married. The only one who ever supported me, the only one who believed I had nothing to do with her disappearance was her annoying little brother”

Sweet Pea chuckled.

“Like I said to the Princess, I’m the kind of pony with the right contacts in the right and not-so-right places. Is everything ready for my escape?”

“As you requested old friend” confirmed Mas-Carpone. “Begin now!”

The rest of the prisoners began to work.
In the meantime in the sheriff’s office Princess Celestia was doing her best to contact Luna. The fastest way she knew as to communicate through little Spike but he was still not able to reach Luna what was making Princess Celestia more nervous every second.

And for her guards they were just staring to her unsure what to do. But at the end one of them approached shyly.

“Princess Celestia, sorry but I was thinking about the situation with Sweet Pe and it seems a bit unfair. We already beat Sweet Pea… there’s no need to allow this ponies to almost kill him”

“Yes Princess, killing Sweet Pea won’t give you back Princess Luna in case he succeeded” joined the other.

“HE WON’T!!” Shouted the white alicorn, but a few seconds later she managed to control herself. “But you’re right, I’ll order the ponies to stop the beating”

So she moved to the precinct’s cell only to find the captured ponies destroying a rag and hay doll.

“What happened here?!”

“The mob boss is missing too” observed one of the soldiers.

“What? THAT BASTARD!”

In the city outskirts Sweet Pea offered a bag of bits to Mas-Carpone who in exchange took some kind of crystal from a saddlebag. It was a magic object called ‘Jump-Crystal’ a device that allowed to teleport at long distance designed for single ponies or groups and it could be used by everypony, not only unicorns.

“It was really hard to get one of these, I hope you succeed because I won’t be able to help you a second time”

“I will, don’t worry about me” smiled Sweet Pea. “However, this is what we agreed and a little extra for the troubles I caused you”

“Don’t worry about it, I also want justice for Yummy”

“Still take it, payed bills build strong friendships, especially when you’re friend with a mobster”

Mas-Carpone laughed.

“You’re right! Good luck my friend”

“Thank you Carpone. And I promise you I’ll make justice for Yummy”

Human world, city of Philadelphia; Sunday 5:21pm

“Hurry Monica, it’s about to downpour here” complained Paul.

His friend offered him an apologetic smile.

“Easy pal, I just forgot my wallet at work and isn’t that far from the disco”

Paul groaned in protest but didn’t say anything obediently following Monica to the bookstore she worked at. The clouds were crowding around more and more looking more threatening by seconds.

“Monica…”

“Stop complaining now moron!”

“Not that, look over your work!” He shrieked pointing to the roof.

Monica looked at the direction he was aiming and screamed.
Over the place there were several black clouds with green lightings were creating several flashes of light showing different views of different kinds of landscapes; it was almost like magic. Both teenagers froze in the place wondering what was going on when suddenly they heard the roar of some kind of enormous animal trapped inside the small store.

“What the…?”

It was when they saw a giant wolf-like creature made of wood through the glass of the windows. And apparently the monster saw them too because at that very moment began to charge against the walls in a desperate attempt to get them.

“What the heck is that?!”

“DO I LOOK AS I NOW?”

Then they heard the sound of some kind of animal trotting towards them. They turned only to see a familiar green-haired girl along with a bunch of horses who seemed they fell on a bucket of paint.

“LAURA! What you’re doing here? RUN, SAVE YOURSELF!” Shouted Monica.

But the girl didn’t listened, she just exchanged a small look with Paul and stood in front of the book store manipulating her bo staff.

“Don’t worry, I know what we’re dealing with. Open the door!!”

“ARE YOU CRAZY OR WHAT?” Shrieked Monica.

“Whatever, Vinyl I’m counting on you!”

The little unicorn DJ grinned happily turning Paul and Monica’s attention to the little ponies who were with Laura. What the hell?

Vinyl opened the door with her magic.

“IT’S TIME FOR PARTY! FEEL THE WUB!” Shouted Vinyl excitedly.

The monstrous wooden-wolf-thing roared in anger and jumped to destroy everything in its way. The first thing he noticed was the small unicorn and the green-haired human aiming a gray staff to him. Roared and tried to get them both with his paws.
Vinyl created a small force-field while Laura jumped and roundhouse kicked the monster in the nose irritating him and turning herself into the main target of the beast who lost all his interest in Vinyl to concentrate fully in try to eat Laura.

The wolf began to send chomps to Laura who simply back-flipped every time irritating more and more the Timberwolf, but it won’t last forever.

“Bon-Bon! Octavia! NOW!”

It was when the wolf almost reached her with one of his paws but Laura rolled away just in time. Next she jumped to gain a little distance and hit him on the nose with the bo.

“In moments like this I miss my unicorn magic”

Two small pony figures jumped on the creature’s back making it lose balance and fell right before Laura, the girl grinned and smashed his forehead with her bo using all her strength. It was enough to startle the monster giving Bon-Bon and Octavia time to smash his head again to the floor with all their earth-pony strength.
A small tremble ran all over the Timberwolf’s body and finally turned into a pile of branches in the middle of the street.

Paul gulped.

“Is it dead?”

Octavia shook her head calmly fixing her bowtie.

“Nope, the only way to kill one of this things is to burn it, I just knocked this thing for a few hours since I won’t kill it, after all it was just a scared animal in a strange enviroment. Vy, care to send it back where it came from?”

Vinyl levitated the branches with her magic and lead the group inside the bookstore that had a strange green portal floating in the middle of it. The girls exchanged a small look and then Vinyl threw the Timberwolf to the portal to then follow it. Bon-Bon and Octavia also jumped through the portal leaving Laura alone with Paul and Monica.

“Seriously, what the fuck?!” Asked a very agitated Paul.

“I’ll explain everything any other day. Right now I have to find certain pony to thank him for something”

And she disappeared inside the portal as well.

“No one would believe what just happened” mumbled Monica.


For a few moments Laura was afraid to end up in the middle of the Everfree forest (of course a trained agent like her would handle it but they won’t make it in time to Canterlot to stop Sweet Pea); but luckily enough the portal sent them precisely to Canterlot; in the middle of the city zoo to be more precise.

“So we were lucky I guess” mumbled the young human looking around.

“Thank Celestia” said Bon-Bon. “But Laura, why didn’t you changed back to unicorn? We could use your magic right now”

“I have no idea Bonny. But right now we must concentrate in finding Sweet Pea”

Vinyl looked at the sky, it was covered in the strange green lightings all over it. She frowned.

“Any ideas where to start Laura?”

“Shall we follow the lightings?” Suggested Octavia,

“There are too many of them” said Vinyl.

They stayed in silence for a while, it was obvious that Sweet Pea opened that may portals to keep them busy figuring out where to go.

“I have a feeling we must go where everything started” suddenly said Laura. “At Canterlot Archives”

“Are you sure?”

“No, like I said it’s just a feeling”

“Is better than nothing” mumbled Vinyl. “TO THE ARCHIVES”

So the group ran to the building hoping to find Sweet Pea there.
All over Canterlot the Royal Guards were doing their best evacuating the ponies in order. It was a well done process; no pony would get hurt, or at least that was the group expected.
But casually on of the ponies noticed Laura and screamed:

“LOOK! A MONSTER!”

And the mass panic began much for Laura’s exasperation.

Several soldiers approached gently, as she was some kind of wild animal.

“Come on, right over here little one… we’ll take you back to your environment in no time…”

Laura punched him with the staff.

“Fuck you”

“I can make you invisible if you want” suggested Vinyl charging her magic.

“Don’t worry about me, I need to be visible for Sweet Pea”

The group nodded and resumed the march to the Archives. Nothing else mattered now.

When they arrived the first thing the girls noticed was the magic dome protecting the building. Unicorn units were strategically placed around it in desperate attempts to break it was useless. The young unicorns hired by Sweet Pea did a magnificent job reinforcing the shield.
Again somepony got alarmed with Laura’s appearance.

“Monster! Monster!

Laura face-palmed.

“Ey idiots, cross to my world to see what the humans say about you. Fucking morons”

A soldier approached.

“Sorry ladies but you can’t stay here with this creature”

Bon-Bon showed her badge.

“Secret Service. Shut up and let us pass”

The solider looked at Laura.

“Got it, but what is this thing?”

Laura showed her badge as well.

“Squad leader, got hit by a transmutation spell and now look like this. Any other stupid question?”

The soldier smiled apologetically and better walked back with his partners.

“Morons” mumbled again Laura.

The girls stayed there looking at the worthless attempts to break in.

“Suggestions?” Asked Octavia. “Squad Leader?”

Laura nodded.

“That building is connected to the secret Royal Archives, we can enter through it”

The girls made a quick high-hoof; high-five and ran towards the city dump. There were three main entrances for Celestia’s personal archives: the first one connected to the Princesses headquarters; the second one through the Canterlot Archives and the emergency only entrance, the one they were about to enter.
In the dump a soldier disguised as the guardian of the place stopped them.

“Hold! If you want to recover you…”

Again the girls showed their badges.

“Secret Service, let us in”

The guardian nodded but keep staring to Laura.

“And this creature?”

Laura sighed and showed her badge as well.

“Agent Lyra Heartstrings, I was hit by a transmutation spell. I’ll deal with it when our mission is over okay?”

This made the soldier doubt so he use his magic to examine the authenticity of the badge but it was authentic. He just mumbled his sympathies for Laura wishing her a quick recovery and let them in to the secret entrance to the Royal private Archives.

The girls quickly ran through a long tunnel that lead to a large underground constructions; with several hallways full of the Crown’s biggest secrets: from the existence of the Secret Service (along with all the information about agents and missions) as well as several other information too dangerous for the ponykind. The ultimate treasure for any conspiracy theorist.
Walking to the secret exit to the Canterlot Archives Laura bumped into a box causing it to spread all its content.

“Damn! I didn’t see it”

“Maybe you’re a little too tall for this reduced spaces” suggested Bon-Bon.

“Think so?” Asked a very annoyed Laura.

Her friends quickly began to help her to order the documents when Vinyl noticed something:

“Guys this isn’t any secret info, is just an old newspaper”

“What?”

“Yeah, check it out” said Vinyl showing it to the girls.

Laura frowned.

“This is suspicious but we don’t have time for this! We must stop the idiot of Sweet Pea while we can”

So they finally reached the door to Canterlot Archives. Entering carefully since several of Sweet Pea’s mercenaries must be patrolling the area.
Effectively several ponies ran to receive them but the girls pushed a bookshelf to fall on them incapacitating all in a minute but also compromising their location.

They stood in fight position ready for everything, when finally the well-known green earth pony walked to them calm and unbelievably very happy to see them.

“Oh it was only a matter of time to the Secret Service to show up, but the three of you? And a human? That’s certainly unexpected” chuckled Sweet Pea.

The human girl put aside her bo-staff and smiled to Sweet Pea.

“Come on Sweet Pea! Weren’t you my number one fan? How you don’t recognize me?”

And that caught Sweet Pea’s attention. How could he be so blind?

“Doctor Heartstrings? What are you doing here? You supposed to be in the human world!”

“Don’t call ‘Doctor Heartstrings’ anymore Sweet Pea, thanks to you now I know my true name: it’s Laura. Laura Michalekos”

Sweet Pea nodded.

“It’s a beautiful human name doctor. I’m so glad you reunited with your real family, I bet my sister would be proud. Now putting that aside, what do you want from me doctor Michalekos?”

Laura shrugged happily.

“First of all I came to thank you old friend: thanks to you I figured I’ve been serving the wrong person, after all you showed me that Celestia has been lying to me all this time. And who knows how many ponies”

Laura’s friends looked at her not believing their ears, was she serious? Was she really on Sweet Pea’s side?
However Sweet Pea interrupted their thoughts with an evil grin.

“But that my dear is about to end. As soon she arrives we’ll have a serious talk”

Laura nodded in agreement.

“After all this started with the three of us: you, me and Princess Celestia”

“Four, my sister participated as well but you see: she couldn’t make it”

Laura nodded again sympathetically.

“So now what?” Asked Bon-Bon. “Aren’t we going to stop this?”

“Girls, don’t you see?” Asked Laura. “Sweet Pea will stop this on his own, when the right time comes”

“Allow me to correct your statement doctor: not when the right time comes, when Celestia comes” said Sweet Pea checking a watch he brought.

And after five seconds of confused silence, finally the entire structure shook and Sweet Pea’s force field got reduced to anything.
And then she arrived; powerful and anger as nopony had seen her before, Princess Celestia appeared literally covered in flames of pure anger.

“SWEET PEAAAAA!

Human and pony laughed.

“So the guest of honor is here!”