//------------------------------// // Some Ideas Enter My Mind, Very Much Invited // Story: The End Is Neigh // by BraxAttacks //------------------------------// A/N: I think that it's funny how at first, everyone was like 'self inserts aren't veiwed well by most... This is kind of funny...' and now you are all like, 'I need MORE! RIGHT NOW!' it's kind of hilarious, in a way. Anyways, story! * * * * * I was rudely shaken awake by an eager purple hoof. "Wha? Who dat? Who dat pokin' meh?" Twilight was in no mood for half asleep shenanigans, and poked even harder. Hooves hurt. "Alright, I'm awake! Jeez!" "Its time to go! Come on! Everypony is waiting outside!" I looked out the window, and saw the sun well into the sky. Bah, Celestia's life purpose and meaning can go to hell for all I care. "I like sleeping. Can somepony carry me?" I was rewarded for my ingenious plan with another poke. "Okay! I'm up! I am walking, out the door, into the sun! My legs. Are. Moving!" I was nearly blinded when I stepped outside, and everything looked white. Now I was thinking about egg whites, and I was hungry. I briefly considered eating Applejack, since she probably tasted as good as the apples she grows, but then decided against that since I don't have any knives. Moral compass? What's that~? Everypony gave me happy waves, each and every one of them. They were all there, with smiles that were, were... awake. Curse them and there not stupid sleeping habits! "Hey, ponies... your all colorful and... and stuff." I could really use some caffeine. Does anypony here have a caffeine Cutie Mark? The strange human needs food badly. "Well then, since everypony is here, plus one human, I think we're set to go! You all have your bags, right?" Twilight asked, and everypony said yes. I was about to say no, when my bag floated down from the heavens and landed on my shoulders. My sleep-addled brain though it was some sort of monster, and I poked it a few times, to be certain it was thoroughly defeated! "Now I just need to find out what direction its in, and then we're off!" Twilight lit her horn, and her face screwed into concentration. I was too busy staring at the pretty lights to notice. When her horn stopped glowing, and a bright blue arrow appeared in front of her pointing towards Canterlot castle, she gave a satisfied smirk. "Oh, since its near Canterlot, I can teleport us there!" Her horn glowed again, and we became enveloped in a shimmering pink sphere. A giant pink bubble. Ditzy Doo would be proud. Then my stomach was tossed to the ground and asked to hoof over his bits. The sudden wrenching feeling left me in this limbo feeling, like I didn't know what was happening, why it was happening, and where my internal organs had gone. I shed a single tear for my loss as the blurred mess of land smeared itself around our little group. When it ended, I vomited.Shocking, I know. I didn't see it coming until roughly twenty seconds before it happened either. Strangely enough, no one but me looked even slightly thrown off balance. Do you all have iron stomachs? Where did you get them! Was it E-Bay!? "You alright there, sugarcube?" I wish I was a sugarcube, Applejack. Then I wouldn't have a stomach to sacrifice to the gods, on accident. "Nope!" I said as I stood back up and put on a triumphant grin. What I had triumphed over will remain a mystery for the rest of time. Or to quote a certain filly, 'For-EVER!' "And to what do I owe this... surprise, my star pupil?" What? No, it can't be! We couldn't possibly have gone to... Equestr- oh wait. The voice that had spoken still surprised me, and I looked over to see the one and only sun goddess, Princess Celestia! I paid my deepest respects. "You raise the thing." She gave me a dubious stare, one eyebrow raised and everything. "I do indeed raise the thing. I assume you are the creature Twilight mentioned in her letter last night?" Whoa, when did Twilight send a letter? Does she have dragon fire in a bottle? I want some! That would make a great... something! Maybe an oven. Yeah. A blue one. With clouds on it. I glanced to Twilight, and gave a hopeful stare. "You mentioned me? To the Princess? I feel all warm inside!" I was being honest. I did feel warm. Must be the weather. "Um, yes?" Poor Twilight, you don't even know the answer to a question that, that you... should know. That was so witty, that I had stop and contemplate the meaning of life while guffawing at my concentrated hilarity. There is absolutely no sarcasm here. None what-so-ever. Don't check my pockets. Celestia chuckled at me and my silliness, and then cleared her throat, taking on a serious tone. "I assume that you are here because of the task I gave you?" Twilight nodded. "We sure are, Princess! If you look at the arrow, its pointing towards the top of Mt. Cotoponi!" I felt like there should have been some sort of dramatic sound effect, even though nopony reacted in shock or fear, and this wasn't a movie. This. Is. ANIMATION! "Is Mt. Cotoponi the mountain Canterlot Castle is on?" Twilight nodded. "Yes, it is. Mt. Cotoponi is the only mountain in Equestria, and has been around for more than a thousand years." Alright class, take out your notebooks, its note taking time~! "So we have to climb it?" I don't know why I was having such a hard time grasping this concept. When something's at the top of a mountain, you have to climb the mountain. This isn't hard, me! Snap out of it! Or I'll slap you out of it myself! Celestia, took a sip from a tea cup that had been floating next to her, and nodded. "You should head out quickly. I have no idea what the magical problem might be, but I want to know before it causes more trouble. Best of luck to you, faithful student and friends!" We waved, and set out of Canterlot Castle. Your cameo may have been brief, Celestia, but it was worth it. The awesome leaking off of you managed to rejuvenate me to a not drunken state of sleepiness. Leaving Canterlot Castle (Getting many looks on the way), we left through a tall and ominous gateway. The quote 'funny, how imperial walls used to make me feel so safe...' popped into my head, and I smiled. I have something dastardly to solve, and I'm going around thinking about gaming. Glad I have my priorities strait. "D-do we have to go u-up there?" Fluttershy whispered, moving towards me of all the ponies present to hide behind. Strange, this one is. "Sorry, but we do Fluttershy. We don't want to leave Equestria hangin', do we?" Rainbow Dash said, already hovering in midair. First I was jealous of magic, now I want wings. Or maybe I could be an Alicorn! Then I could raise the, the... huh. Raise the alarm during an emergency, maybe? I ran forward, while deciding that the best way to get this ship sailing (Not that ship) was to proclaim something silly. "Adventure, hooooooooooo~!" I pointed dramatically while I said this, and Pinkie joined me. Afterword we gave each other nods of respect, and then bounced down the winding path. Both of us. At the same time. So much awesome. "Oh lord all mighty, he's learnin' Pinkie's way's. We're doomed!" Applejack cried with mock terror. Everypony gave a laugh, and moved out, trying to catch up with me and Pinkie, who had never stopped while they joked. They did catch up with us, and Twilight took the lead with her magic pointer, which I assume would be handy in school, since ponies don't have hands. This of course meant that she could finally badger me more about Earth. "What other board games are on earth? What's your favorite television show? Is it good?" I took a step away from her. "That is way too many questions for one guy to handle at a time. Slow down, and try again." Twilight took a deep breath, and looked me in the eye. "How similar is Earth to Equestria?" "Really similar. We speak the same language, we have some of the same board games, stuff like that. But Equestria is much more peaceful than earth, and functions very differently, case in point magic." She nodded, absorbing everything I said, even though that had been something covered on day one. "I am curious about the televisions you mentioned. Do you have a favorite show?" Should I reveal that I have been stalking them through dimensions, or let them think I'm harmless? Such a hard decision... "Not really, no." "I wish I could see one. That would be so interesting and new! I bet I could learn all kinds of things from it!" Yeah, T.V is just the most educational thing to hit human kind since sliced bread. The most popular stuff is violence, and you don't want that, do you? I mean, Pinkie might, if Cupcakes is real, but the rest of you most likely don't. I hope. The path continued to weave and wind as Twilight asked me more questions, all of them about the minute details of human society, like 'what the most popular book genre is' and 'who your leader is' and stuff like that. I answered her the best I could, but after awhile, I needed some portable party to fill me up with confetti. "Hey, Pinkie." She looked at me with the biggest, most awesome smile ever. "Yes, Braxton?" "Do you know why they call it a hacksaw?" She seemed to go into a deep ponderous state, thinking about all the meaningful things that a hacksaw could represent. "I don't know. Do you hack with it?" "No, you saw with it. They call it a hack saw, but you don't hack. That's what you do with knives." This joke that only I would understand was so fun to go around spouting, and the nature of it just made it all the better. "So what do you think it should be called, Pinkie?" "I think it should be called a sawsaw!" I raised my hand for the greatest Brohoof that would ever occur. "Indubitably." Then she smacked her hoof into my fist, and my life was complete. The feeling of being the best human alive came to me, and I felt that it was a very reasonable feeling. I am content with the pony. Mountains, you see, don't like content people. Because as soon as the feeling got settled inside of me, nature decided to throw me a curve-ball and put the creepiest forest that has ever been seen by a mortal's eyes right in front of us. There aren't enough cliches to cover all the things scary about it, and that's saying something. "Hold me." I leapt at Pinkie, and shockingly enough, I landed squarely on her back. "Don't worry, Braxie-waxie, your auntie Pinkie Pie will protect you!" I could survive by eating the sheer epic-ness seeping off of you, Pinkie. And I'm hungry. Hold still a second, will you...? Rainbow Dash let out a snort at my silly behavior and kept moving towards the forest. Then the most hideous creature known to all sentient life stepped from the shadow of the looming trees, the wicked glow in its eyes just screaming evil at me. It was... A BUNNY! In a daring maneuver, Dash kept advancing! Don't do it Dash, your life is too valuable! She kept going, despite my mental warnings! The bunny glared at her, failing to intimidate the brave Rainbow Dash! Everypony else moved towards the tree line, Pinkie still pulling me along. It was much more relaxing to ride on a pony than to walk among them. Laziness wins all wars, even the stupid ones! That stuff people say about working hard? Utter horse crap. We moved into the forest, and Rarity shivered at the atrocity surrounding her. "Good heavens, this place is an eyesore! I wish I didn't have to look at it anymore!" I was just thinking about how Rarity probably jinxed us, when Rarity jinxed us. The tree cover suddenly got much thicker, and only a few stray lines of light from above came through. Twilight's magic arrow did illuminate the area just around our group though, so there was that at least. Maybe she should put it out, to complete the effect. Fluttershy came up next to me and Pinkie, and was shivering all over the place. Even in the tail, which shouldn't even be able to shiver. Ponies, why must you taunt logic so? "t-this place is really scary, P-Pinkie Pie." "Don't be silly, filly! All you need to do is laugh!" Oh my god. Is this really happening? Can it be true? Yep. Yep it is. Allow me to join Pinkie in what she is about to do, secrecy be damned! "When I was a little filly, And the sun was going doooooooooooown~! The darkness and the shadows, They would always make me frooooooooooown~! I'd hide under my pillow, At what I thought I'd saw, But Granny Pie said that wasn't the way to deal with fears at aaaaaaaall~!" We sung that whole song, every single line of pure pony awesome. I was shivering with joy when we finished, before joining Pinkie in the greatest laughing contest ever to be beheld by a living soul! The dead, though, have seen some crazy laugh contests. You have no idea. Needless to say, everypony was staring at me with the widest eyes you have ever seen. Their mouths were hanging open, and they looked comical. This caused me and Pinkie (Bless her soul for all eternity) to laugh even harder, and only stop after a few minutes. "H-how in Equestria's name did yew know that song?" Applejack asked, looking truly frightened. Whatever knew the songs born from Pinkie's mind cannot be trusted. Never. Not in a million years. "I too am curious about how you know that song..." Twilight said, stepping closer to examine me. Everypony leaned in, eager to get the scoop on Braxton. "Pinkie showed me." I said simply. "When she was giving out churros, she passed me a note with this song on it." That was the most bull crap answer that has ever been given for any question, ever. If they fall for this, I swear that I- "Oh. That explains a lot." Said Twilight, all hints of distrust gone. Let me say something real quick, mm-kay? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW. Okay, now that that has been aptly summerized, we can move on. The edge of the completely ramdon forest was in sight, and we sprinted for it. In the process I fell off of Pinkie's back and was forced to... walk! *breaks into tears* Just outside of the forest-of-dark-and-gloomy-things (official title, I swear), more weirdness awaited us. A random pit stretched before us, with the vertical wall of the mountain on one side, the drop off on the other. This wasn't a little pit, either, it was deep. I could already tell I would fall in, like every other pit I have seen. At the bottom of the pit was a plant. It was this massive thing with giant pods hanging from it. the thing was at least twenty feet tall, the pods the size of an average human. It scared the living bananas out of me. I asked Twilight what it was, and her eyes lit up with knowledge. The know-lamp, from Equestrian Innovations. "That is the rare Shifter plant, which defends itself by surrounding a creature with one of it's pods and casting a polymorph spell on it." "What does it turn them into?" "It is compley random, so don't fall in. You could be a walrus for the next few days of your life." "Could it turn me into, say, a pony?" I was doing a cheshire grin by now, the idea forming in my head a brilliantly stupid one. I give you -1 guesses, since you don't need more than that to figure out my plan. It is so well concealed, I know. Twilight gave me a don't-act-like-an-imbicile look, and my smile only grew that much wider. "Don't take the risk, Braxton. There is such a small chance that you would become a pony is so small, you have a less than one percent chance of becoming what you want. Besides, there are easier ways to turn you into a pony." Well Twilight, you have just made certain that I do not give up my quest. "And what would these methods be, exactly?" "I could cast a polymorph spell of my own and-" She stopped as she realized what she was saying. Ever heard the phrase, 'don't feed the animals'? This is the same thing. It's too late to turn back now, Twilight. You have to go through with this. "Can you cast a polymorph spell right now~?" I asked in a sing song voice. The possibility of what could be happening is just that awesome. SO awesome, in fact, that I had to take some medicine. One of this medicine's side effects was 'death' but that doesn't matter right now. Pony matters. With no way to deny the truth, Twilight spilled the beans. "Yes, I can. But! I am not very good at polymorphing things, and there is always something wrong with the product. I only know an irreversible version as well, so whatever changes I make would be permanent!" "That's fine with me. I would like to be ponyfied with a side of fries, please." Twilight looked flustered with this spotlight suddenly shining on her. "Are you sure you want that?" I gave a fierce nod. "Yes, I am." "Are you certain you want this to happen?" "Yes." "Well, alright, here goes..." Twilight took a stance, spreading her legs and bracing her self against the ground. Her horn began to glow, and I was surrounded by a glowing and shimmering cacoon. The changing process? Weird as hell. Everything inside and out starts to move around, changing positions and adopting new shapes. Nothing feels right about yourself, nothing familiar presenting itself. The cacoon faded, and everypony was staring at me in shock. Like, waaaaay more shock than should have been present from me just being a pony. Rarity pulled a mirror from her saddle bags (of course) and holds in font of my face. I stare at my reflection long and hard contemplating the change that I hadn't expected to be part if the deal. But I found my self saying one thing. "I am okay with this." * * * * * A/N: You guys may or may not like the surprise I have in store next chapter. Prepare for the unexpected.