Twilight can see me...
How can she see me!?
... Why not ask her? She's standing right here, after all.
"How can you see me?!" I cry.
Twilight looks at me and then says in a quiet voice, "Not here."
She then turns to her companions and says, "Hey, Spike? Pinkie Pie?"
"Yes?" they answer back to her.
"I have to... go help a friend. I need to go now."
"Without us?" asked Spike in surprise. "But why? We could help you! Who is this friend, anyway?"
"Discord."
Both of their faces blanked out.
"Who?" they both asked in sync.
"DISCORD!"
A moment passes.
"Twilight," says Spike, "Why won't you just tell us who your friend is? I promise we won't laugh or anything."
"I just told you twice!"
"You did?" said Spike in surprise.
"Yes! But every time I say his name, or talk to him, you can't hear, for some reason!"
"Twilight," says Pinkie, "is your friend imaginary?"
"NO!"
"Is he a ghost?"
"No! At least, I don't think so..."
"Does that mean I'm getting closer?" asks Pinkie. "Hmm. Is he a poltergeist?"
"No, although he is at least as much trouble as one."
"Is he an apparition? A phantasm?"
"NO! HE'S NOT A GHOST!"
"Is he a spirit!"
"N- wait. Yes. Yes he is. The spirit of chaos."
"The spirit of what?" says Pinkie, rubbing her ears.
"Forget it!" cries Twilight in frustration. "Until further notice, my friend is a spirit!"
"You're being haunted by a spirit?" asks Spike in concern.
Twilight puts a hoof over her face.
"Goodness, I hope not."
"But if your friend is a spirit, then how are we supposed to help you talk to him?" asks Pinkie.
"That's exactly my point! You can't. Because you can't see him."
"Oh..." Pinkie says in disappointment. "Well, would you please tell him that I said hello, and that I really really wish I could be his friend too?"
"... Sure, Pinkie. Anyway, would you please watch Spike for a little while?"
"Sure thing!"
"But Twilight," said Spike. "What if the Princess answers your letter while you are gone?"
"If that happens, you will just have to hold onto it until I come back."
"Well, okay..."
"Alright. I'll see you... in... Well, I don't honestly know how long. I'll be back as soon as I possibly can.
"Discord," says Twilight, and then she made a gesture with her head indicating that she wants me to follow her.
She turns and starts to walk away, but then turned around to ensure that I am following her, and of course, I'm not. Instead, I am eavesdropping in on a hushed conversation between Spike and Pinkie.
"Do you think that Twilight might have a screw loose?" asked Spike. "I mean, she's seeing ghosts."
As Pinkie is starting to give her answer, I shout out, "I AM NOT A GHOST!" in frustration.
Twilight is surprised by my outburst, but then she cries out, "He's not a ghost!" at her two friends.
"Okay, okay!" said Spike hurriedly. "How did she hear us?" he whispered.
I just roll my eyes and follow after Twilight. After all, she might be my only chance of fixing whatever is wrong.
"You lied to them you know. You're not going to help a friend."
"Maybe that's true," answered Twilight, "But I would like to be your friend."
"By chaos, you are persistent, aren't you?"
Twilight says nothing, but eyes a nearby pony as we walk by.
"I can't talk to you in front of other ponies," Twilight mutters. "They'll treat me like I'm crazy if I do."
"Spike already thinks you're crazy," I comment.
"What?"
"That's what he said when he thought you couldn't hear him. Obviously, he had no clue that I could hear him just fine."
"Great. That's just great! The sooner we can fix this, the fewer problems it will cause for both of us. So, you mentioned a surging magic node, or something of the sort?"
"I might have," I answer cautiously.
"Well, if you sincerely want me to help you, you have to show me where this is."
I stay silent, weighing my options.
"Discord, were you not being sincere when you said that you wanted my help?"
"Alright, alright, I was!" I answer in annoyance. "I just hope you aren't scared of the forest."
"The forest. That figures. Have you seriously been hiding in the forest this whole time?"
"Of course I have."
"Oh, and another thing. You've been in my sock drawer!"
I realize that she must have been watching me ever since I blundered into town shouting.
"Yes, obviously. What are you going to do about it?"
"... Nothing."
"Yeah, that's what I thought!"
"But you also stole four books from the library! And you're keeping them in the forest! There is no way that between the weather and your carelessness they survived! Do you have any idea...
"No," she finished suddenly. "Forget it. Forget that I even brought it up. It doesn't matter right now."
"You're kidding me," I say in surprise. "Twilight Sparkle saying that the condition of her precious books doesn't matter? Maybe your friends were right, maybe you've gone completely nuts!"
"Maybe I have..."
"For your information however, your books are fine."
"They are?" she cries out in sudden hope.
"Well, I suppose you may not be crazy after all. But yes, they're fine. They didn't get rained on."
"But how?"
I shrug. "Cave."
"A cave? You just happened to find a cave in the middle of the Everfree Forest?"
"Oh, I didn't find it. More like I was invited."
"Invited? By who?"
I figure since she'll be seeing for herself in a few minutes anyway, there is no harm in telling. "Jackalopes."
"Jackalopes?" says Twilight in confusion. "Why in the world would they invite you into their home?"
"Saved them from a timberwolf. By accident. I was actually just trying to defend myself, but they wanted to thank me anyway."
"Wait a moment!" cried Twilight. "You mean that note you left on my pillow... about being eaten... Was there honestly any truth to that?"
"Oh yeah!" I cry out happily, remembering the note in question. "Yeah, it was trying to eat me."
"But... your magic!" Twilight protested. "Oh, why did you have to run away and put yourself in danger?"
"You worry about others too much," I say bemusedly. "But anyway, I'm sure you're about to pester me about how I got myself out of that, so I'll just tell you. I threw up on the stupid thing."
"Wha- that's..."
"Gross? I'm inclined to agree. But what else was I supposed to do? The thing had me pinned down. The timberwolf wasn't expecting it any more than you were though, and then it fell apart."
Twilight said nothing.
I am fine with this. As far as I'm concerned, the fewer questions asked, the better.
Suddenly, I realize that I still have a question of my own.
"You never answered my question from before," I say. "How the hay can you see me when nopony else can? Some sort of magic spell?"
"I don't think so," she answers. "Actually, I'm just as clueless as you are! I should be just as incapable of acknowledging your presence as everypony else, but in reality, I can! I've been trying to figure out what it is that makes me different, but I can't come up with anything!"
"Hmm. Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter. I'm not going to ask why when I should just be glad that you can see me in the first place."
Twilight fell silent once again and continued to say nothing until after we had already left the town behind.
"Discord, there is something that you should know."
"Oh really?" I answer. "You've realized how to reverse whatever is wrong with me, I hope?"
"Unfortunately, no. You're not the only one who was affected by whatever you did."
I stopped in place and stared at nothing as this information sank in.
That's not good.
"Who else is affected?" I demand.
"Well, you see, before you came along, I was looking for one of my friends, but everypony seems to have forgotten that they exist, just like you."
"Just tell me who it is!"
"Um. An earth pony named Rhombus."
"Oh. OH," I say aloud, realizing that there is no further damage after all. "Well, that's fine then."
"Fine?" cried Twilight, suddenly flying into a rage. "My friend is somewhere all alone with nopony to talk to! For all I know, I might not even be able to see him, even though, for whatever reason, I can see you! What if he's right beside me, and I don't even know it? What if he is desperately trying to get my attention and he just can't? You have the nerve to say that 'that's fine'?"
"By chaos, you have quite the pair of lungs in you, did you know that?" I answer her. "While ordinarily I would find your freaking out to be hilarious, you are no use to me like this, so I will tell you that I know exactly where Rhombus is, and he's perfectly fine. Aside from the whole 'nopony else can see him' thing."
"How do I know that you're telling me the truth?" demanded Twilight, unconvinced. "You're an compulsive liar! You could have just made that up to keep me from just leaving you here for the rest of eternity!"
"You're right. I might be lying. But if I'm not lying and you do walk away, then Rhombus is my prisoner for the rest of eternity."
"You... You're despicable!"
"Which is why I can't understand why you would still want to be my friend!" I point out.
Twilight sighs. "First things first. I'll make you a deal."
"A deal?" I repeat, intrigued.
"Yes. I'll do my best to fix whatever it is that you did to yourself, and you in turn will hoof over Rhombus to me, unharmed. And then, if you uphold your end of the bargain, I will consider helping you to get your powers back."
"Is that all? You don't ask for much you know. Think about it. You could get so much more if you try."
"What do you mean?" asked Twilight in skeptic confusion.
"What I mean is that I can literally give you whatever you desire. I can give you wealth, or fame, or make you the ruler of half of the nation!"
"But I don't want any of that!" Twilight protests. "I am being one-hundred percent honest! All I have ever wanted ever since the Princess brought you to us is to be your friend!"
"I dispute that," I say. "I seem to recall that you shouted at your dear Princess for bringing me to your village at first."
Twilight's face turned red. "H-how do you know about that?"
"Because I heard you! Just because I was trapped in a statue doesn't mean that I don't hear every little thing that you ponies say."
"Okay, I'll admit it, I was skeptic at first. But over time, I realized that I would rather have you as a friend than as an enemy! I will help you get your powers back, and the only things that I want is Rhombus's safe return, and for you to just give friendship a try!"
"I cannot fathom how somepony as smart as you would settle for a mere 'friendship'," I say sarcastically. "Wouldn't you much rather have, say, a whole library full of forgotten tomes from ages past?"
"A whole library..." said Twilight weakly.
And then she shook her head violently. "No! Friendship first!"
"You seem a little unsure of yourself," I tease. "Think of it!"
"No, that would not make me happy! Not if it means you unleashing chaos on Equestria."
"You wouldn't have to endure it, you know," I say, trying whatever I could think of to convince her. "Luckily for you, I rather like you, so I would be willing to leave you alone if that's what you want. I would leave your little private library alone and you could stay in there and be happy with your books and not have to worry about all of the chaos outside."
"Discord! What about my friends?"
"You could invite them to live with you?" I suggest.
"This idea of yours is ridiculous! There is no way that we would accept something like that!"
"Alright, I get it! It would never work! But I still can't believe that all you want from me is something as stupidly simple as a friendship instead of a once in a lifetime opportunity! Anypony can give you a friendship!"
"Do you think you're too good for friendship?"
"Bah, that kind of reverse psychology isn't going to work on me like it does your pegasus friend."
"It's not reverse psychology, it's a genuine question!"
"My dear Twilight, take a moment and be realistic. Even if I wanted to be your friend. I don't know if you have noticed, but I am not exactly the sort of draconequus you should want to be friends with."
"Discord, if only perfect ponies were allowed to make friends, how many friendships would there be, in the whole world?"
"None!" I cry out triumphantly. "Exactly my point! And you would all be much better off, I might add."
Twilight huffed, but said nothing more.
At this point, we are marching through the forest itself. Fortunately, the distance to the burrow is not large, and we're almost there.
"Discord," Twilight starts again.
"What do you want now?" I ask in exasperation.
"Let me ask it to you this way: What would I have to do for you to agree to give friendship a chance? Is it not enough that I am, in good faith, agreeing to help you with this problem and get your powers back?"
"No, of course it isn't!" I answer. "Look, Celestia is the one who decided to take my powers away, and I'm mad at her because of it. And you six helped her to do it. It wasn't your decision, so I don't actually blame you, but simply giving me back what I should never have lost in the first place isn't going to suddenly put you in my good graces.
"And this whole problem with nopony being able to acknowledge my existence... That was just me being stupid. I'm not going to let you take advantage of my stupidity just so you can get me to do something that I don't want to do."
"Then what can I do?" said Twilight, almost whining.
I actually take a moment to seriously consider for once, and I finally come up with a possible answer.
"Well, there is one thing you could do."
"Name it!"
"Celestia kept me imprisoned for all of those countless years. Celestia did that, not her sister. It was Celestia took away my powers. It's Celestia that thinks that she has the authority to order me around to do as she wishes. Celestia this, Celestia that! Celestia, who's coat is always white and clean! I'm sick and tired of Celestia! But I don't want her throne.
"No, I want something much more personal. I want to embarrass her, like she has never been embarrassed before. I want to show her that she has no real power over me. I want to make it clear that she is not better than the spirit of chaos!
"So, Twilight Sparkle, if you really wanted to be my friend? You would help me give the leader of your country the payback that she deserves."
...
"How could you ask me to do that?" moaned Twilight, obviously upset. "Princess Celestia deserves the utmost respect! Don't ask me to betray my mentor!"
"It's not like I want to hurt her," I point out. "And besides, with you helping me figure out how I'm going to get that smug mare, you'd get to have some influence over how I go about it."
Twilight just stares at me silently and dumbstruck.
"But I knew that it would be asking too much of you. The price of being my friend is simply too high. I suggest that you abandon that silly pursuit and worry about yourself instead."
And now that this conversation is over, I begin to walk forward again.
"I'll do it..."
I trip and fall face-first into the ground.
I pull myself upright as fast as I can, eager to not look stupid.
"I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear that, for your sake," I say casually. I let out a laugh.
"Celestia forgive me," Twilight whispers. "I said I'll do it."
I stare straight ahead, over Twilight's head.
"Huh. You know, when I first said that, I didn't even conceive of what I would do in the incredibly unlikely event that you would agree. ... I don't even know what to say right now. Huh."
"Then how about we start by me keeping my promise," said Twilight weakly. "Just, understand, whatever magic you triggered is beyond my education. There is no guarantee that I will actually be able to do anything to fix it. But I do promise that I'll try my best."
"Well, of course I'm not going to demand that you do things that you can't actually do. I'm not stupid."
Twilight doesn't answer, but she does shudder.
No, wait, she's actually shaking in her hooves.
She's TERRIFIED!
"Twilight, you're shaking like crazy! I'm going to give you one more chance to take what you said back-"
"NO! I've made up my mind! Now show me where this crazy magic node thing is so I can keep my mind off of... things!"
"You know, I think out of everything that you have ever said to me that left me speechless, this takes the cake."
"W-what?"
"Never mind. Come over here, the burrow is just over here."
"Burrow? I thought you said it was a cave."
"Well, it is a cave, but the front part of it is a burrow where the Jackalopes are living."
Soon, we're standing in front of where the entrance should be.
"Just dig out this section of the ground right here," I instruct her.
Twilight accomplishes this quickly with her magic.
Oh, I'm jealous. But no matter. Soon, I shall have my powers back.
Hang on. Wow. I just realized that, for the first time since I first lost my powers, I have absolute certainty that I will reaquire them soon.
There's not a doubt about it in my mind.
I put an arm around Twilight's neck, which suprises her and she looks up at me.
"Twilight, my dear Twilight," I declare. "I don't know what madness has seized you that you have agreed to do things my way, but I find myself pleasantly surprised to discover that I am quite happy that you did."
"Uh, thank you, I think?" says Twilight. "By the way, the critters don't seem to be terribly... happy to see me."
"Just tell them that you're not going to bother them and that you just want into the cave then."
"Okay... Um, hello, jackalope family. I'm so sorry to barge in like that, but I really need to see if everything is okay in your cave."
One of them starts chattering at the others, and soon they are all squeaking at one another.
"What are they doing?" asks Twilight in confusion.
"They know that there's something strange in there," I answer. "They're debating about whether to let you in is a good idea."
"How do you know that?"
"Not sure. I've come to understand them somewhat, somehow."
One of the jackalopes turns back to us and chatters something and points at us.
"He says you can come in, but he wants you to reseal their door."
"Oh, thank you!" says Twilight, and she crawls into the chamber, and I quickly slip in after her.
"Oh my goodness!" Twilight exclaims as she gets a good look around, taking in the numerous possessions around the room.
"We're going to need this stuff," I declare as I grab my spelunking bag.
I frown as I realize something is missing, and then I look around and find my spare lantern.
"It's a good thing I have another one of these things," I say.
"Where did you get all of that stuff?" asks Twilight in wonder.
"Rarity sold it to me."
"What?"
I sigh, and then I take notice of one of the giant mushrooms tucked away against the wall. Presumably one of the ones I sent back. It does not have the magic oversaturation sickness that the ones in the cave did.
I pick it up and Twilight watches me curiously.
"I guess I promised to tell you where your pal Rhombus is, didn't I?" I say to her.
She just stares at me in confusion, especially at the fungus in my grasp.
"Only thing is, I don't think you're going to like the answer."
"I know, Discord, considering that it's you who I'm dealing with, I was expecting that. Just so long as you haven't hurt him, I'll forgive you. So, where is he?"
I hesitate.
"Are you sure about this? If I may quote myself, all the truth does is make your heart ache. Sometimes a lie is easier to take!"
Twilight glares at me.
"That's what you said to Applejack just before you worked your magic on her to force her to become a liar."
"True, but that doesn't mean that there isn't some wisdom in those words. Look, just take my word for it that Rhombus is perfectly fine. I promise you it will be much less stressful for you if you do."
"And I say to you," answers Twilight, "That friendship is not always easy, but it's always worth fighting for. I need to know. Where is Rhombus?"
I sigh. "Alright, fine, but remember, you asked for this."
And then I tore off a chunk of the mushroom in my hands and shoved it into my mouth and began to chew it up.
"Discord!" cries Twilight in surprise. "What in the world?"
I feel the illusion form around me and I throw my arms out and pose for Twilight, who is staring at me in complete shock.
"So, what do you think?"
Wait a second. That's not right. That doesn't sound like the voice I created for Rhombus the pony at all. It sounds too... feminine.
I look down at myself and instantly realize what went wrong. I forgot to condition my mind, and now instead of taking on the appearance of my own choosing, I look exactly like the pony that featured most heavily in my first encounter with these stupid mushrooms.
From Twilight's perspective, it looks like I have suddenly transformed into the Solar Princess herself.
Such blasphemy!
"ARGHHHHH!" I scream in frustration, pressing my paw into my face, "Freakin' stupid mushroom's dumber than a box of rocks!"