//------------------------------// // Chapter 2 // Story: Uneventful // by QrV //------------------------------// Chapter 2 Maud Pie walked slowly into the tiny office. As the door closed behind her, it cut off the hum of many conversations held with little regard for the severity of the situation. The Emerald Pines Police station hasn't been this busy in quite a while. And probably never before has it been so full of oddly dressed ponies coming from all over Equestria, many of whom were so excited to finally meet their friends, in a lot of cases for the first time since a year ago, that they practically forgot the traumatic experience they just had and acted in ways, that, while varying wildly, could all be described as inappropriate for the situation. The train robbery that has taken place no more than an hour before had to be one of the more mysterious ones to ever be committed. Two entire luggage cars have vanished into thin air inside the tunnel. The tunnel and the surrounding area have been searched thoroughly and nowhere has there been even a hint of the stolen belongings or cars, or them being moved anywhere. The rails in the mountains do not branch, so they couldn't have been just pulled away somewhere. No magic has been felt by anypony on the train or in the town, and it would have been noticed if someone used it to hide such a huge object. Baffled, the entire local police force, consisting of just seven part time volunteers, has resorted to documenting what was stolen while waiting for reinforcements. They were about to have the longest day in their lives. One of those part time volunteers was sitting at a desk in front of Maud Pie. An older stallion, with a large mustache very efficiently obscuring his lips, making it hard to tell his mood. On the desk in front of him laid a single sheet of paper, which he was skimming through quickly as Maud entered. He finished before she reached his desk and put the document he was reading on a small pile of papers on his right. Then, from a stack to his left, so high it could have been a part of a Tartarean punishment, he grabbed a fresh one. -Please sit down - he said, pointing to the chair in front of the desk, not even bothering to raise his head to look at whoever he was speaking to. Maud, being herself, took quite some time to get onto the chair, impersonating all the best things a tectonic drift has to offer. But mostly the speed. Pretty much just the speed actually, seeing how no new continents were formed. Despite the station being as busy as it was, the office was disturbingly quiet. The sound must have been magically dampened to facilitate interrogations, a feature that probably has been of no use to anypony using the room until today. The only sounds in the office were the axiomatic ticking of the clock on the wall, reminding the poor officer of the constantly contrarian nature of time, the quill scratching the paper as he was writing down the date and his name on it and the hoofsteps of Maud spaced so far apart, the illusion of time slowing down has reached its all time high. Sergeant Blueberry Strudel, his name clearly visible to anypony interested on the door of his office, was the local baker, who used the free time a pony of his profession would have in a town as small as Emerald Pines to help the local law enforcement forces. Everypony knew old Blueberry and his delicious pies, and he knew most of them too, which is enough to be a perfect police officer in a town with practically no crime and only occasional issues that need help from officials. Most of his time on duty has so far consisted of naps that compensated for the sleep lost due to having to deliver baked goods for a town's worth of breakfasts every morning. And now, faced by dozens of ponies he has never seen before and will probably never see again, Blueberry Strudel has embarked on a journey of self-discovery. First of all, he discovered he absolutely hates paperwork. Secondly, he learned that when confronted by a lot of paperwork, he becomes a philosopher. As time went on, his thoughts would gravitate towards more and more bizarre ideas regarding the perception of time in an environment deprived of joy. Last, and probably most relevant to the outside world, he discovered he is really prejudiced against outsiders. The normally jolly and friendly Blueberry, whose presence would often be considered the only upside in cases where he had to assist anyone while performing his duties as a police officer, turned into a passive aggressive, mean, grumpy old pony with no regard for the feelings of others. But don't take my word for it. See how he handles Maud. Speaking of her, the chair has just announced her long awaited sit down with a creek, which sounded loud only because of how silent the room was. Officer Blueberry cleared his throat, with his sight still glued to the form in front of him, he began the 'interrogation'. -Alright - he said, trying to sound as professional as possible - I will now ask you a number of questions you should answer truthfully. The information gathered will be confidential and only used to solve the crime that has taken on The Slide this morning and, if applicable, to return any stolen belongings to you. Do you understand? He looked up at Maud for the first time. She looked back at him the same way she has done ever since she was born. They locked eyes for several units of time, the perception of which differed drastically between them. But let's not get into that now. Sergeant Blueberry reached deep into his reserves of self-discipline and broke the impasse. -I am going to need a verbal confirmation before we can proceed, miss - he said, his inner struggles successfully hidden below a thin layer of professionalism. -Yes - Maud replied, her will to cooperate buried under a layer of stoicism thicker than the planet's mantle. He twitched, causing his mustache to move like a butterfly about to set aflight, but quickly decided that that was confirmation enough to continue. -I'll also need your signature on this form after we're done, but let's not worry about that now. Let's start with the questions - he adjusted the paper in front of him - your first name? -Maud. -Last name? -Pie. -Any middle names? -Multiple. The pony naming conventions varied wildly depending on regions, families and even time of the year, and as such even the 'Last Name' field on the form would sometimes cause trouble. Blueberry Strudel sighed and just put a line through the field meant for middle names. No point writing them down if the pony doesn't care to give them to the police. After sacrificing a moment to think about how rarely he gets to bake or eat blueberry strudels, he moved onto the next section. -Alright - he said. So far so good - What is your current occupation? -I am a rock expert - at that moment, Maud's face was very specifically not showing any pride. Officer Blueberry, who wasn't into the subtleties of absent facial expressions, rolled his eyes. It wasn't the first time he heard that today, and he had a feeling it wasn't the last either. -Un-em-ploy-ed - he syllabicated under his breath, loud enough for anypony to hear, but quiet enough to be able to dismiss any accusations. He smiled under his mustache. Again, it wasn't the first time this has happened, and nopony said anything yet. Nowhere near to make up for the hours he was going to spend sitting at that desk, but a little fun nonetheless. -Where are you traveling from? - he swiftly moved on. -Pie Family Rock Farm. -And what station is that? -Pie Family Rock Farm - Maud was adamant. Officer Blueberry rubbed his nose, took a deep breath and leaned on the desk to look down at Maud. -Look, Miss Pie, I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure the train you came on does not stop on such a station. I'm pretty sure no train does. -They do if I need them to. This has finally… well, not awoken, but disturbed the inner detective of Blueberry Strudel. He's been napping in the back so far, and now he kicked in his sleep. Or maybe he fell of his chair and was now laying on the floor, drooling and snoring. Regardless, this godmother like talk has spiked his suspicion. It got him thinking, if you are feeling generous. So far, the mare in front of him was acting rather suspiciously all things considered. Unclear statement regarding honesty, holding back on giving the full name, an extremely nondescript address, a fake job? Combined with a complete lack of any emotion? Everypony knows it's easier to show nothing than to act convincingly… But on the other hoof, would a criminal capable of vanishing half of a train while it’s in motion commit such rookie mistakes? No way. She must just be one of those weird ponies who don't know how to act around strangers. And train drivers have friends too, maybe her family really has a deal with somepony that lets them get the train to stop near their farm whenever they need it? He caught himself staring into her eyes again, with his mouth slightly ajar no less. Her face looked so empty, as she stared back at him completely motionless, he felt like he is being sucked into the empty void that was behind it. Despite sitting in a chair quite comfortably, (he did not remember sitting back down after raising earlier) he felt like he was falling. He shook his head to get rid of the feeling that gravity has changed its pull to be parallel to the ground and pointing right into Maud's eyes and looked back at the form in front of him, seeking support from it. And support it provided, letting him know he was doing the thing he recently learned he hated the most and wasting time thinking about nonsense. He shrugged, and wrote down what she told him before. Luckily he still remembered what it was, otherwise it would have been really embarrassing, having to ask her again after staring at her with his mouth open for Celestia only knows how long. -And you're going to…? - He asked as if nothing happened. -The Rok-kon. -Full duration and then back home? She nodded once in response. He nodded back slowly as he wrote her answer down. He could feel his mind rattling inside his head, as if it was a fistful of shattered glass. The day was only starting and his mind was already completely broken, thanks to Miss Maud Pie and her laconic responses. Disturbing the peace of mind of a police officer on duty in such a major way should be illegal. -Alright - he said, once again wrestling his mind away from unrelated matters - Last thing. - and possibly the worst, he thought to himself - Did any of your belongings get stolen today? And if yes, please describe them in detail - who knows what she could be hauling to that convention. Blueberry has had some crazy stuff described to him in this room in the last hour. And in terrifying detail too! It’s one thing to collect rocks, another thing to arrange them in a specific, and seemingly illogical order, and another thing completely to remember every single detail about every single characteristic of said rocks, down to their exact chemical composition, with precision up to five decimal places. He braced for impact. -No - seeing how his eyes widened to dangerous size even for a pony, she added - I've got all my stuff here - she patted a small saddle bag she had on. Well, maybe some of those weirdos aren't crazy hoarders with literal tons of stuff traveling with them, thought Blueberry and breathed a huge sigh of relief while putting lines into the empty space on the form as he was instructed to do almost two decades ago, when he first started volunteering. He was almost done with her. -Great! - he said, genuinely happy, partially for her, but mostly for himself - Last thing I've got to ask you is, is there anypony we can contact in case you are unreachable? We probably won't need to, but it can't hurt. -Hmm - Maud put her hoof to her chin in a very theatrical gesture. This made Sergeant Blueberry panic a little. What if this mare was actually an actress, who was just playing a role all this time and they'll have to go through the whole procedure again filling out her real data? Oh Celestia! But before he started pulling his hair out she said - I guess my sister Pinkie Pie in Ponyville could be trusted with that. -Pinkie Pie is your sister?! - he exclaimed in shock. Everypony knows Pinkie! And them being related explained a lot. He didn't know she had a sister but seeing how she was just as weird, only in a completely different way, it made perfect sense - How's she doing? - Suddenly Maud Pie wasn't a stranger anymore. He could feel his mind reassembling itself as the world started to make sense again. The sound of unshattering mind matter was almost audible in the room. -She's being herself - There might have been a hint of fondness in her voice. -I guess that's the best way to put it - Blueberry laughed, writing down 'Pinkie Pie' on the side of the form. He didn't feel like adding any balloons - Well, that's us done here. I hope you have a nice day, despite what happened in the morning. Maud nodded and started walking out. Every single of her steps screamed 'How are you doing this Pinkie?' The phrase 'everypony knows Pinkie Pie' has reached a new high today. Literally, considering the altitude of this town. Right outside the door, Maud bumped into Rain Shadow. No surprise considering the queue was ordered, more or less, based on the order of sitting inside the train, starting from the engine. -Hi again, Maud! - she said - I see you managed to get done with this quickly too - she paused briefly, but quickly realized who she was talking to and kept speaking - I've been to this town before a couple years back. Not much to see here really, but they served great pancakes not far from here. You wanna go grab some? -I'd love too - Maud replied, looking her right in the eyes. They were in a small corridor, with an array of doors on both sides leading to small rooms just like the one Maud had just left. As they started to walk towards the main hall of the police station, where a long line of waiting ponies ended( or started, depending on how you look at it), two ponies walked into the corridor, one of whom exchanged a friendly nod with Maud. Those barely noticeable gestures of courtesy slipped Rain Shadow's notice, as she was working overtime maintaining their current conversation. -How was your 'interviewer'- she smirked, happy how well she managed to articulate the quotations - Mine was a bit sleepy. Querying Maud was a bit like working in a quarry. With each strike, you only get the tiniest bit of rock, but you keep doing it over and over again, either hoping you'll strike gold or for the thrill of possibly causing an avalanche. In a way, a conversation with Maud Pie was not only hard work, but also an extreme sport. And pegasi love extreme sports. Some even are ok with working hard! -Mine seemed unstable - being Maud was a bit like having a lot of family members overseas and having to mail them presents. You want to pack as much meaning into a package as tiny as possible to avoid massive shipping costs without offending anyone. If it can fit into an envelope and still makes them happy, you did a good job. If you count the words to meaning ratio, Maud was one of the best speakers to ever live. If the percentage of meaning the listener understood is taken into account however, she was rock bottom in the rankings. Just the way she likes it. Immediately outside the corridor the queue started, snaking out through the entrance and off into the distance. Four ponies away from entering the corridor stood Bixi. He was fourth when Rain Shadow entered, but a couple of ponies managed to maneuver their way in front of him, claiming they are in a hurry. Bixi spend the time performing a mental exercise of trying to think of what they could be in a hurry to do. So far the only thing he could think of was 'not being in a queue'. A careful examination of the town would have to be conducted for the exercise to yield additional results. -Ah, look who's still here! - said Rain Shadow while walking up to him - We must have been there even shorter than I thought! -What do you even do there? - Bixi did not have an encounter with the police before, and was continuously getting more nervous as it got closer to being his turn. It was quite a roller coaster of emotions for him seeing how often he got cut off. At this point, his eyes were wide and legs were shaking. -Ah you know, nothing special. They'll ask you your name, address, where you were going and so on - she waved her hoof dismissively - And - she added after a second - they'll obviously ask you what you had on the missing train cars. Distracted by the important conversation waiting for him right around the corner, fully knowing he is no good at conversations, Bixi almost forgot about his loss. His ears perked up, his face changed in a momentary glimpse of anger as he thought about the ones who did this to him, only to get stopped by reality a moment later. All of his body flopped down, with all of the emotional qualities of a deflating balloon. -Five months of my life were in there - he muttered. Surprised by how hard it hit him, Rain Shadow didn't know what to do at first. Her friend instinct kicked in quickly though, and soon enough she had her front leg around his neck. -Don't worry - she said reassuringly- If you describe your… uh… -Attuned almandines. -Yeah, those. Thanks Maud. I'm sure they'll find them in no time, if you describe them as well as you did it to me, with maybe a bit more focus on the appearance. And maybe skip the name, just tell them what it is. -You sure they'll find it if I do that? - Bixi raised his head, tears welling up in his eyes. -I am! - she answered, putting in all the confidence she could find in herself - Listen, me and Maud were going to get some pancakes a bit further up the main street. You should come join us once you're done and tell us how it went. Something sweet is sure to cheer you up! -O-ok- he stuttered. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath - I'll see you there - he said with much more confidence. -Great! We should get going Maud, no need to make this place any more crowded than it already is. She started leaving, stopping after a couple steps to look back at Maud, who took that time to look around and judge exactly how crowded the place was. She decided that a single orderly line and an occasional passing pony or two is hardly too much for the police station to handle, but made no comment. *** Only a couple dozen ponies managed to free themselves from the snaking coils of the queue so far, most of whom were still hanging around the little plaza in front of the Emerald Pines' police station. The Rok-kon attendees gathered into smaller or larger groups, with most of them either looking up into the sky or staring straight into the ground. No, they were not avoiding eye contact, they were either admiring the rocky mountains or the stones the town's main street was paved with. One or two enterprising locals were going around serving refreshments to the ponies in the line. They quickly realized that shouting and making an overall strong impression on a potential customer had an effect opposite to the one they intended for, as many of those waiting went silent and forgot about all of their needs when someone was invading their personal space, even if only with their voice, effectively making it impossible to sell anything to them. Despite the Rockers (as they are sometimes called, if the need for a name arises) not being the loudest of ponies, or even ponies one would ever call lively, this was the busiest this usually tranquil place has been. Even the oldest citizens of Emerald Pines were in agreement about that being the case. It was also the first time in history they ever agreed on something, but nobody pushed their luck as far as asking them if they are willing to agree with that statement as well. Here's another interesting fact about this whole situation: nopony told anypony to actually form a queue. All that was said was they were all required to come by the police station so that the crime that took place can be documented properly. And since almost everypony on the train was eager to register for a convention, a line has formed practically on its own. An impressive display of crowd instinct. Who knew crowds had muscle memory? All this fascinating stuff has slipped Rain Shadow's notice however, as she realized she actually didn't remember anything from her visit in this town other than the pancakes she had. In particular, she had no clue where she had them. She combed through her memories as she walked up the main street. She recalled flying along the street, as it was a quite steep uphill climb and no sane pegasus would ever walk rather than fly in such a situation, if they could ever avoid it. Which she couldn't do right now, as she was accompanied by Maud Pie, who walked at a snail’s pace. A pace, that, apart from being a really uncreative metaphor, made one not save any energy by flying, no matter how steep the road is. The one other thing she remembered was that the pancakes were delicious and came with a staggering selection of toppings, a piece of information that was not only not helpful at all, but also made it much harder to focus for her hungry self. As they went further away from the crowd, Rain Shadow started to get a little nervous. Every single building seemed effectively the same to her. It was as if every single one was built, or designed, by the same pony, something not out of the realm of possibility in a town this size. Similar in size and color, devoid of any street signs or numbers, they offered little information to an outsider. And being from a similar town herself, Rain Shadow knew well how annoying strangers can get. Every single one of them asking for directions to the same place, when the only answer you could possibly give is 'Go along the only street there is, you can't miss it'. So she went along and, shockingly, didn't miss it. Above the door of one of the buildings there was a sign. It consisted of a wooden pole, with 'THE' carved in it, and a pan attached to the pole with two short chains. On the pan the word "CAKE' was painted. -Celestia have mercy on us - Rain Shadow said to herself - It's a pan pun. -Stupendous - commented Maud. Rain Shadow looked at her, with a raised eyebrow. Maud turned to her and explained: -I found that me commenting very positively on jokes and puns tends to strengthen the effect they have on ponies. -I guess it does - Rain Shadow smiled, impressed by Maud's conversational prowess - Let's go inside, I'm starving.