When Lyra and Bon Bon were planning their wedding, there was no question of who they would ask to arrange the reception, and Pinkie Pie was happy to oblige. "I've outdone myself this time." she thought, admiring the human-shaped piñata and the cake shaped like a piece of candy that was made out of candy.
"Great party, Pinkie!" said Applejack, raising a mug of punch. She, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy walked up to Pinkie in a group, having just given their congratulations to the brides.
"I'm so happy I could provide the doves." said Fluttershy, as a stray one landed on her head.
"It's awesome!" said Rainbow. "Almost as awesome as the birthday party you and Cheese Sandwich did for me."
"Aww, girls…" said Pinkie, grinning from ear to ear.
"So, Pinkie…" said Rainbow conspiratorially "how about you? When are you gonna get married?" Pinkie shrugged. "By the way, are you gay, or what?"
"Rainbow!" said Applejack.
"What?" said Rainbow. "It's a fair question."
"Um…" said Fluttershy "Pinkie, you don't have to answer that if you don't want to."
"Pff!" said Pinkie. "It's no biggie. I'll tell you anything, Dashie! I just… uh… I miiiight not know the answer myself."
"Oh, Celestia, it figures." said Rainbow.
"Well, I mean, I've had crushes on mares." said Pinkie. "But I've also had crushes on stallions. And my first boyfriend was a stallion. Well, that's just true by definition. But the first pony I dated was a stallion. But he was a big meanie. But then in high school I started dating a mare and I thought I loved her a lot more but the sex was kinda meh and then she moved away so I was looking for another pony and I was casually dating a few and there was one who I saw a lot but we were more kind of friends and then there was that orgy I was in but I had just tried meth for the first—"
"I'm not sure we need that kind of detail." said Applejack, who had stuffed a large pie in Pinkie's mouth.
"She was just getting to the good part!" said Rainbow Dash, her wings beating in irritation.
"I didn't really want to hear it." said Fluttershy, peeking through her mane. The dove had flown away.
Pinkie swallowed the pie whole. "Mmm, blueberry! But anyway, I don't really know!" She grinned as if she had just won some kind of contest.
"Well, um, maybe you're a lesbian, Pinkie Pie." said Fluttershy. "I know that it can take a lot of ponies a long time to figure that out about themselves. We all kind of start from the default of heterosexuality, because that's how most ponies are, and then maybe find our way from there."
Applejack shrugged. "On that logic, seems like you're most likely to be straight. Most ponies are, so why believe somethin' else unless you're really sure about it? Occam's Razor and all that."
"I don't know what you think shaving has to do with it, AJ," said Rainbow Dash, "but it's pretty obvious to me. Pinkie Pie's bisexual, like me! It's the coolest sexual orientation because you get twice as much sex!" She raised an eyebrow at Pinkie. "So, speaking of orgies…"
"Eh…" said Pinkie "I don't know. Nothing sounds like it reeeealy fits. I mean, I don't really like all the stallions I liked in the same way, and I guess I like them more than mares in total, but I feel like my best dates were with mares. Maybe there's something else…" Suddenly Pinkie was flipping through a giant stack of books, peering at them through a giant monocle on a chain. "I could be a homoromantic heterosexual. Or maybe I'm a demisexual, or pansexual, or patasexual or autosexual or Kinsey 2.8 or bicurious or heteroflexible or skoliosexual or fluid or—"
"Can we get back to the orgy?" said Rainbow Dash.
"You gotta show Twi that study technique." said Applejack.
"This is useless!" cried Pinkie Pie bombastically, throwing the books aside, one of which knocked over an ice sculpture, which landed on Spike. "I'm a psychosexual deviant, unknown to science, bereft of a home in the hearts of society!"
"Maybe that pony over there could help." said Fluttershy.
"Howdy, Princess Cadance." said Applejack. "Glad you could make it."
Cadance smiled. "It's nice to get out of the house now that the baby's grown a bit. And to attend a wedding without my crybaby of a husband."
"Princess, ya gotta help me!" said Pinkie Pie, falling to her knees. "I have no idea what my sexual orientation identity is. It's like trying to choose a dessert identity! I like both pies and cakes but I only really like pies with fruit except for pumpkin pie and cake is usually better on average but I don't like to eat as much 'cause it's not as good without a special occasion and cupcakes are more fun to bake than either of those but they aren't really what I'd eat if I could choose any dessert and then there's the issue of candy which is and I'm running out of breath. So I don't know if I should be gay or straight or bisexual or one of these other new sexual orientations that all the cool kids are identifying as."
Cadance gently lifted Pinkie back up. "It is confusing, isn't it? I think you've realized the difficult part yourself. You wouldn't try to sum up all the things you like about sweets in one word, would you?" Pinkie shook her head. "Love is the same way. Everypony has her own things she likes and dislikes, and they can change over time, and she can be uncertain. It isn't realistic to think that everypony is going to be described very well with a few labels, and if you make a new label for every pony, you might as well not have any labels at all."
Pinkie said "So I'm a… what?"
Cadance laughed. "Just don't worry about it. It's the wrong question. Just worry about having good relationships. That's hard enough. Don't let a label tell you who to love."
Pinkie thought about that for a moment, then saluted. "Yes, ma'am!"
"Now, speaking of desserts," said Cadance, "I really have to sample that cake you made."
"Oooh, me too!" said Pinkie, as she pronked alongside Cadance towards the food.
"Doesn't anypony want to hear about the orgy?" said Rainbow Dash.
"Hey!" said the voice of Spike from beneath an ice sculpture. "I'm, uh, kind of out of fire breath. Is anypony gonna help me over here?"