Quick Authors Note: So I'm aware that my story may be raunchy, dirty, crude, unprofessional, and overly stupid. I'd be lying and sundering the great name of my Lord Jon De Lancie if told you it wasn't intentional. I'm having a hayday with this story the likes of which will leave stallions hard and mares dripping in the rafters for centuries to cum (see what I did there? No? Shut up) That being said this particular tale was supposed to be a quick "get it off my chest" soiree it has grown in my heart and my mind enough that I want to continue and make something great. It may not be a "Moon Phased" and frankly I am glad for this. I'll probably never write something as pure and sensual as that tale but I can write what I enjoy. Overly dumb Irishman and ponies that find the word "horse" strangely unsettling is what I'm doing because it makes me happy and it makes me laugh once I've had a few glasses of burgundy at my desk. Anyways, let's see how our two love birds are doing, hm?
Somewhere outside of the Dreamscape
"IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?" Maire screamed as she made little effort to get off of the top of me.
Houston we have been cleared to raise the platform.
I was pinned under a squirming warm mare and she was making no effort to simply move. Being a simple Irishman I was focusing my entire reserve of god like energy to try and NOT make this any more awkward than it already was.
"Y-yeah sure looks that way." I managed to rasp out as my hands shot to the hips of the feckin lass.
Maires' eyes stopped and became pin pricks before settling on the man under her. He was holding her taught yet gentle and her eyes lowered, lowered still until they stopped at his navel. There was no way he was meaning for this to happen, it was because she rolled back a bit right? Right?
"So um..." She whispered as the presence pushed against her.
"Yeah?"
"Didn't think that... this was gonna happen."
I nodded my head and tried telling the boys downstairs to abort operation "shake the dust off." As any good man would know, sans a eunuch, the little lever was horribly bad at staying in the "off" position when a different hand was taking control. The hand in question however was the twitching and wriggling hips of Maire as she clearly panicked at our new predicament.
"You..." She trailed off as she stopped moving and scrunched her snout.
What in the bloody hell is she thinking about?
I felt her lower herself more as she pulled her hind legs off the ground that was bracing herself a fraction of a micrometer off of me. Her hips fell and her legs were over my sides as my mind shot REDCON 5 warnings to the rest of my body. the little men in my head that had been on vacation for the last two months suddenly sprang into full gear and shot my entire being with those oh so wonderful sensors that make everything so much more apparent. Her smell, her sweat, the so subtle way her cheeks were flushed.
BOYS THIS IS THE PRESIDENT, I DEMAND WE SHUT DOWN THE OPERATION IMMEDIATELY!
"Wow."
The president in my head, along with the thousands of workers stopped as those words were received in my head.
Wow?"
Maire had her face still scrunched as she scooted back a mere fraction of an inch and then forward. She buried her head into the fluff of her chest as she closed her eyes as hard as she could. Killian was hitting a very tender spot on the mare and a part of her, though scared as a filly cornered by a timber wolf, was excited beyond all reason as to what she was feeling.
"Would..." She began as she looked down into her chest fluff. "You like some..."
Lass if you say it there is no way in the nine hells that "Mr. President" is going to be able to stop operations!
Her eyes locked on mine and my entire being froze. They weren't the same eyes she had when she had been a vicious volcano or when she was a drunken cuddle bug. These were eyes with purpose, eyes of fear, eyes of adventure, and eyes that were seeing past the walls I spent years building and into my bloody soul. Her ears flattened against her head as she drew closer, lowering her front slightly enough to relieve the pressure on the challenger. Her scent, a bit of brandy, some cinnamon, and a ripe granny smith apple, hung in the air as her lips parted and a small pink tongue whetted them.
"Wouldyoulikesomehe-"
"Well good morning dear how did you sle-" Came the voice of Rarity as the door opened revealing our "sticky" situation.
The white unicorn stared first at me with a fierce blush before seeing Maire in her very suggestive position. I had never known any creature to be able to change their entire body color but the two of them were redder than red.
"R-rarity?" Maire whispered.
"Oh... oh my. Did I interru-"
Rarity didn't even finish before Maire ran her through the door and slammed it behind her, leaving me alone on my back with the most confusing wood I had ever had. I shook my head vigorously and gave myself a right slap in the face before inching to the door and pressing my ear against it. As weird and childish as it was I needed to hear what was going on.
"I'm so sorry Maire, I was just coming in to give him his new clothes and I see... well I saw that."
I chuckled as the groan that resounded was surely Maires'.
"Rarity. I'm going to make this abundantly clear. Nothing happened between Killian and I. We were merely in the middle of... wrestling."
There was a pause and I rolled my eyes from the humor of it all. More silence followed before I heard what sounded like tapping on the ground. More hoof clops then a whisper followed by another one. The last one I caught the tail end of however as I felt my entire body push against the door.
"Almost- best time of- wow-" It was all sort of muzzled until the very end when I could hear Maire raising her voice a tinge in what sounded like anger. "And if you ever interrupt what could have been the best release of my life I'll skin you alive and wear you as a coat."
Wow, looks like she is not happy with Rarity. Ergo, she's not happy with me!
I looked to my left and saw a second bathroom conveniently located in the bedroom where my fine lucky self resided in. The sounds of the mares approaching the door sent my already "ready" body into overdrive as I vaulted over the bed and into sanctuary with a click of the doors lock. Sweet escape was mine as I listened intently to the two vile demoness' pace around the room in confusion.
"Killian? I brought you some clothes dear." Rarity announced as I heard hooves stop right at the door blocking me from certain doom. My heart beat in my throat driving my mind into a hazy fog of fight or flight scenarios until it was calmed with a sigh followed with a chortle.
"Hey Killian... Rarity brought some stuff to cover your ugly mug. When you're done do us a favor and come down for breakfast."
My face felt flushed and my hands clenched into fists as I searched my brain searched for the perfect comeback to the fiery mare that was starting to get under my skin.
"You liked it!" was all I managed to mutter.
Silence followed by nervous tapping.
"You did too, I felt it." She shot back with a wane in her voice.
Well blast it all to hell she wasn't lying.
"Shower. Be down soon and don't get my hoodie wet."
I grunted an affirmation and let out a sigh of relief as the bedroom door closed with their convenient exit. I stared at the wall and put a hand to my chest where she had pressed down before we were interrupted. the spot where she pressed was still warm, and as I moved the flattened hairs that would normally curl off my broad chest I felt strangely happy. Of course then as I took a tentative sniff something else caught my attention.
"Oh gods don't tell me."
I have to wash my pants again.
The library foyer
"Well I do say Maire, it sounds like it could have been quite the exciting trip you'd have taken had I not stumbled in." Rarity mused as she hovered a tea cup to the blushing mare across the couch.
Maire took a sip and tried her best not to remember what had decided to come from the depths as she was on top of Killian. He was strong and seeing his dreams had concreted any doubt she had in him as a person. She had seen his childhood through his dream doors. She had seen his father whither away and his mother pass as well. It was almost too much at the time but no matter how many times she tried to leave his subconscious willingly she was knocked back in by some unseen force.
"With all due respect Ms. Rarity? Buck off." She muttered as she swirled the tea cup.
Rarity smiled and put a hoof over Maires'.
"Now now dear. There is no reason why you should be ashamed of Mr. Killians appearance. He's strong, sculpted like a jade and good lord." She said while fanning herself. "His warmth. He was radiating heat like a dragon!"
Maire bit her lower lip as she recalled the now two times she had curled up with the human. He was indeed warmer than anything she had ever lain with before. His chest thrummed when he breathed and the feeling of his arms holding her was intoxicating to say the least.
"He is warm..." She agreed quietly as she sipped on her beverage.
Rarity hummed and looked to the books in the room.
"Why do you want to go with him dear?"
The question shocked Maire so suddenly she almost dropped her tea.
"To learn new magic, some new music, maybe make some bits along the way." She muttered to her hooves.
"Is that all?"
Maires' mind was screaming and nothing came from her mouth. Yes! I want to spend more time with Killian and learn more about him! I'm sick of being alone and he'd make a good friend!
"Yup. Just need Killian to agree to letting me tag along." She mumbled again.
Rarity hummed and tapped her chin with her hoof.
"Well I hate to barge in just to run but Spike and I are going to the hills to mine some gems." Rarity proclaimed as she trotted to the door with a glance back to Maire.
"Perhaps you should talk to him darling."
Maire jerked her head up just as the door closed behind the element of generosity.
"Maybe... maybe I should."
She took a large gulp of the tea and turned back to the main room. This would be the second confrontation but one where she had to talk. Just talk and hopefully Killian will listen.
One ice cold shower later
I knew Maire was outside of the bathroom door leaning against it because I was too. Feck it all I was the one that had my body ignite it's thrusters. For no reason other than embarrassment I had resigned to sit in the bathroom and stay there until... something happened.
"You out there Maire?"
A clop against the floor was all I needed.
"You angry at me?"
A sigh was all I could hear along with a light brief sniffle.
If I made that mare cry I'll be the one to kick my own ass.
"No. We kind of got into an awkward situation and... I didn't help." She whispered through the door.
"You? HA! I could barely keep my hands off of you and you have the gall to say it's your fault?" I chuckled before seizing my own mouth in my hand.
What the feck did I just say?"
I could hear a giggle and the door vibrated with her laughter.
"Well I was the one that went into your dreams ya know."
It's true. She had gone and hopefully seen some of my more proud moments in bed or otherwise. Lord above I had an entire safe in my mind under lock and key for all of the terrible lays I had been apart of. Though it wasn't everyday a creature was able to see my dreams in the first place. I was coming to the relaization that all of this should have been freaking me the hell out but it wasn't. Maybe it was my thoughts on my life coming to an end. Maybe I just drank a little too much.
"I'm sorry for that by the way. I didn't mean to intrude it's just." She paused and I could hear her nervously shifting her hooves.
"I haven't had the best luck with stallions or other male creatures. I'm always on the road looking for a new adventure and a new song to sing. Truth is I'm not exactly a go-getter when it comes to making friends of either gender. So when you showed up two nights ago swinging and dancing and enjoying my company it was a shock."
I chuckled.
"Well imagine me lass. I'm an alien in an unknown world and I walk around like I own the feckin place. Call it nerves or fear but I haven't been a right good guest."
It was her turn to laugh which made my entire being smile.
"Well let me be the first to say Welcome to Equestria." She said as the door opened and I rolled backwards into her lap.
My head was in a soft as hell place, her eyes were peering down at me with a sense of joy that I had never seen before on any one person. She didn't even flinch or ask me to move, almost like she planned it. As if reading my mind yet again she giggled and covered my eyes with her front hooves.
"Don't worry big guy, I'm sure someday you'll be on top."
Her voice trailed off and I could hear her voice catch in her throat.
"So... that thing."
I bolted up and threw my hands over the front of my pants. A fierce blush like wildfire had spread across my face as I did my best to not look like I was hiding my shame. Maire was a nice girl, er, pony and south command hadn't gotten the memo that she wasn't quite the same species. But there it was, making me feel like a right ass for turning away from a nice gal.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you." Came reassuring words as she pressed a hoof to my back.
"If it means anything to you Killian, there was a moment when I was on top of you that..." She paused and took a deep breath.
I turned around and looked at her while she stuttered out garbled nonsense.
"Maire, if you're feeling nervous or something trust me I understand." I tried to say reassuringly more for myself than her.
"I really thought about y-your. Well it was nice and I u-um..."
Oh bloody feck why am I gettin worked up just from her talking?
"You have a nice t-tool. Would make any mare happy. I-it's good."
MR. PRESIDENT THIS IS SOUTH FACILITIES WE ARE CLEAR FOR TAKE OFF AT YOUR COMMAND.
She was blushing and shaking so bad I had to say something, do something. My body seemingly moved on its own as one hand went to her head to pet her and my face drew closer and closer to hers. When she opened her eyes they went wider than I had seen thus far and her lips quivered the closer I got.
"You um... You fight good." came my own heated whisper that caused her cute lil' ear to flick.
WHAT!?
She stared at me and blinked a couple of times like her brain had just been shut off. I felt like a right idiot and my mind was abusing me on the inside for the nuclear fuck up. Her eyes closed and she shook her head before letting out the loudest and purest laugh I had ever heard. Her eyes watered and mine did as well as we both fell into each other and laughed for what seemed to be an eternity. Finally though she opened her eyes and looked at me with a soft smile that accented the lovely mares eyes better than anything else.
Some people may believe in love at first sight. I think their idiots but there was no denying I felt attraction to this mare. She was a fiery lass with an attitude and musical talent. Maybe I'd give it a chance, but no sooner had I thought that when the fear of the sickness killing me slowly each day crawled into my mind.
But what if there is a cure?
I had no idea about this world and from the sort now pile came the prospect of traveling through an entire world with a magic using mare and nothing but my mixing skills and my strength to help me. Were there wars here? Was there racism and hatred? What kind of government did they run aside from the princesses, were there kings and queens? What were their rules and mating and courting? Good lord did they have toothbrushes!?
I shook my head pushing the thoughts into the sort later pile.
"Well if you think I fight so good maybe you'll never be on top." She hissed with a fake punch to my chest.
"Well I enjoyed you being on top today." I teased back with a bit more energy directed to my words.
Her smile widened with a subtle blush as she covered her snout with a hoof.
"Get dressed you smelly drunk. Princes Celestia is meeting us at the train station to organize our little adventure."
I reached over to the paper sack with my new clothes and looked behind me to see Maire sitting where I had left her.
"Do you mind?" I asked as I took her hoodie off my neck and smiled wickedly.
"No, not at all." Came her curt reply.
I smiled viciously and threw her sweater at her with all might might, the resounding smack shaking the windows the the room. As the hoodie was pulled off with her magic the eyes of Lucifer himself gazed at me from under the guise of an adorable pony. Maire stood and trotted to the bathroom where I heard the faucet turn on.
Oh no.
She came back, her hoodie drenched and rolled tightly into a whip. With a satisfying crack Maire looked to me with a wicked smile that would stoke the furnaces of hell.
She held in her magic a weapon that all men feared. A weapon to end and all bring all. A tool for utter destruction when used in the right hands and Maire looked like she was a third degree black belt in its use. No fear had been inside of me more than seeing her take one stp forward then another with a mixture of sultry grace and demonic purpose. My voice caught in my throat as I felt magic anchor me in place as the dangerous creature stood only a foot away from me.
"Where do you want the first welt Killian?" she asked with a snap past my ear.
"Your chest? Your back? What about elsewhere?"
DEMON HORSE DEMON HORSE DEMON HORSE.
"The princess can wait, I think I need to teach you a few manners."
Shitesville.