//------------------------------//
// House Arrest 
// Story: George Trestale, God of... Something 
// by DrOcsid 
//------------------------------//

"Ooooogh." That was about all I could get out as the weight of the guard on top of me slowly pushed the air out of my lungs like a whoopee cushion.

Thankfully, I heard a familiar voice save me from death by suffocation. "Please, Hoofington, get off him." The weight on my back was suddenly lifted, and I slowly looked up to see none other than Celestia herself walking over to me, in all her majesty and stuff.

"I will admit," she said, stopping right in front of me. "I did not expect this. What possible reason could you have to want to return here?"

I slowly righted myself, straightened my tie, and looked behind me momentarily, to see Lyra and Tetesac being led in by the rest of the guards.

"And this time you've even brought a pony with you, along with... King Tetesac?" Celestia seemed to be very confused by now, to the point that she actually took a step back. "What is going on here?"

"Ah, that," said Tetesac, walking up beside me. "We come bearing a very important warning."

"If this is a threat," said Celestia, "I have no interest-"

"No, no, no!" I said, stepping in front of Tetesac. "Not a threat, an actual warning! Right now, as we speak in this very room, there is currently a tank - I repeat, a frickin' tank - headed straight for Ponyville."

"...A tank?"

"Yes! I repeat again, a tank! An automated, self piloted, frenzied, homicidal tank on a path of destruction! And if you guys don't do something about that, Ponyville is as good as screwed!"

"Slow down, please," she said, raising a hoof. "This tank is set to destroy Ponyville? Where did it come from? And how do you know about it?"

"Uh... Oh, yeah. That's a good question." I looked back at Lyra, who didn't look like she was gonna help me with this.

I thought back to saying it was Humphrey Walt that built it, but honestly, that still felt like I was misleading her. And it just didn't seem like the best time to do that. "Aaaaagh. God damn me and my moral compass. Okay, look, the thing is, I'm the one who built it."

"You? Why would you do such a thing?"

"That's not important right now! Fact of the matter is, the tank's coming, and I don't feel like becoming a murderer today. Thing is, the tank is all resistant to everything I tried in stopping it."

"All you did was throw yourself on top of it," Lyra interjected.

"I didn't ask for your input! Now, I figured the best one to go to in order to resolve this dilemma would be you, hence why we're here. Lyra and Tetesac here can vouch for the Tank's existence."

"Yeah," added Lyra, "That thing almost killed us!"

"And we almost killed ourselves getting here," said Tetesac, who looked like he was having war flashbacks.

Celestia was about to say something, but a certain alicorn I recognized stepped up to her left side. "Sister, feel free to rest, it is about time-" She stopped herself when her eyes were drawn to us.

"Oh, hey, Luna," I said, giving a little wave.

Luna didn't respond, simply turning to Celestia. "What is happening here?"

"These three claim that there is a tank built by this man, George, that is set to destroy Ponyville. They say they came here to warn us, so we could stop it."

"And why would you do such a thing, George?" said Luna, now looking almost as irritated as Celestia.

"Look, I assure you, there is a perfectly... uh, existent explanation for all this. But we need to focus on stopping the tank first and foremost. Thankfully we've got a couple days before it gets here, but the more time to prepare, the better!"

Celestia simply sighed. "Very well. Hoofington."

The guard who had tackled me perked up. "Yes, Your Highness?"

"Arrange a search party to skim the outskirts of Equestria for a tank on route to Ponyville. If you see anything, report back immediately." Hoofington simply saluted and left the room.

"It says RYAN on the side, you can't miss it!" I called out to him, "By the way, that thing is really damn dangerous! Don't get too close to it! We found that out the hard way!"

"Well," said Celestia, "While that is happening, I believe we have sufficient time for you to explain why this tank is heading towards Ponyville in the first place."

"Oh, yes, right," I said, scratching my head. "Kind of a long story. Where do I begin with this?"

"The beginning, of course."

I took the next few minutes or so to explain everything that had led up to this moment, from the attack on Ponyville up to now. Tetesac and Lyra took care to add in some things I forgot, of course, but by the end she seemed to be satisfied by our explanation. I think.

"So..." she said, looking a bit troubled. "Your story about your memory loss was true, then. I must apologize for that situation, it had really seemed like you tried to hit me with that inadvertent fireball."

"Yeah, I can't imagine how much worse things would have been for me if I actually had hit you," I said, restraining a small amount of laughter.

"I am especially sorry to hear about your daughter, George," said Luna. "I am happy to hear you have overcome your grief, however."

"I think that's mostly due to the memory loss," I said. "Honestly, I think it's probably a good thing it happened. It seems I went pretty crazy after Sandra died. As evidenced by the tank."

"Yes, well," interjected Celestia, "While I do have more reason to believe your claims now, I believe I should wait until we get a report back from the royal guard until we start acting on them."

"That's... reasonable," I said, crossing my arms. "What are we gonna do until then, though?"

"We would like to request that you do not leave the castle," said Celestia. "However, rather than imprisoning you, we will allow you to have your own rooms in the castle for the time being. Consider it a short-term house arrest until we decide how to deal with this situation."

"Well, I will say, it's not a bad house to be arrested in," I said, having gone back to admiring the decorations.

"One other thing", said Celestia, "When Luna arrived, you responded as if you two have met before. Have you two met previously, sister?"

"Ah, yes, that," said Luna, looking back to me. "I visited him in a dream a few days ago, to ask him to convince King Tetesac to sign a peace treaty with Equestria."

"Oh, right! I forgot all about that!" I said, turning to Tetesac. "I did mention it before, but now you two are in prime treaty-signing position!" 

"...Ah," said Tetesac, tugging at his beard. "Well, George, you make a good point, but-"

"But what? They want a treaty, and you want a treaty, what's the big deal? You might as well sign it so this whole situation doesn't end with me being arrested again."

"Look," said Tetesac, holding up his hand as to silently tell me to stop talking. "As much good as that would do, as I've said, I cannot do that at the moment. I... George, can I speak with you privately?"

"Uh, sure?" I turned to Celestia and pointed back at Tetesac. "Is there anywhere us two can have a little private chat?"

"There is a balcony up the spiral staircase on the right outside the door," said Celestia. "You will be accompanied by guards, but you may speak privately there."

"Doesn't sound too private to me, but I'll take what I can get." With that, I started walking out the door, with Tetesac closely following.

"What's this about?" I whispered back to him.

"Be patient, George," he whispered back.

The two of us slowly slogged our way up the spiral staircase, finally reaching the top after what felt like 75 steps.

"Only seventy-five steps and you are already tuckered out, George?" said Tetesac, for once less tired than me, somehow. "You should get more in shape."

"I'm not tired because of the stairs, I've just had a long-ass day," I said, leaning on the rail on the edge of the balcony. Tetesac did the same next to me.

"This city is rather pretty at night, isn't it?" He said, staring at the streets below.

"Yeah, I guess it is, Mister Titty Sack," I said, surveying the starry sky above instead.

"George, you don't have to keep calling me that. My full name is Carlton Burr Tetesac."

"...Okay, 'Carlton'. So, what is it you brought me here for?"

"George, I'm afraid I haven't been entirely forthcoming with you on something."

I let my vision instinctively snap over to him. "No shit. You're kinda the king of 'not being forthcoming on things'."

Tetesac sighed. "Yes, it's just that... Ergh. George, I am rather bad at my job."

"Your job, like, as king? Why do you say that?"

"A king needs to be strong, George. I'm a weak man, physically and mentally. I can only imagine one strong decision I've made recently, and that was what I did to you. And even then, it was the easy thing to do."

"Okay, so you have emotion and stuff. I don't see what you're getting at here."

"George, you clearly want to know why I won't sign a peace treaty with Equestria. So I'll tell you. Just, I implore you to consider the position I'm in before you jump to any conclusions."

"Tetesac, if anything, you talking like this is making me envision a whole bunch of extra conclusions."

Tetesac sighed yet again, turning to me. "You'd be surprised what three years of self-circulated propaganda can do to alter a population's views, George. On that note, as you know, many people have a great distaste for ponies. Not all, but many. Well, the thing is, this comes with many others who, logically, don't support a peace treaty with Equestria. And along with that comes people who I would like to refer to as 'extremist groups'. I'm already not the most well-liked king there could possibly be, George. And the reason I haven't signed a treaty with Equestria is because, to this day, I continue to hear talk that if I do follow through on that, they will make attempts to assassinate me and put a new ruler in power."

I took my hands off the rail. "Wait, what? You mean to tell me there's people with plans to kill you? That's why you're holding off on the treaty?"

"Yes. I cannot muster up the courage to endanger my life, even for my own kingdom. Isn't that just pathetic?" Tetesac gripped the handrail and stared straight forward into the night.

"That's... I have no idea what to say about that. It sounds really stupid, yet I sort of understand where you're coming from, and yet, it's still  really damn stupid." I took my hands off the rail. "So, if you're so afraid, why not just step down from power? Have someone else take up the responsibility, if you can't handle it?"

"Because," said Tetesac, "If I step down, the people will likely place someone with more... anti-Equestrian views in the throne, and the last thing we need right now is escalated conflict with them. I could pick someone specifically to succeed me, but unfortunately none of the less misguided people are really the sort that could lead a kingdom. And that includes you, George. I know that look on your face."

I stepped back and jokingly dropped my mouth open in astonishment. "Wh-What? No, I wasn't thinking- No, trust me, I wouldn't take that job even if you were stupid enough to offer it to me."

"Well," said Tetesac, "This would be the part where I'd ask you for advice, but I know you'd simply tell me to 'Man up and sign the treaty', or something along those lines. So I'm just going to imagine you said that just now and reply with  'I'll think about it.'."

"Really? What exactly changed in the last few minutes that made you start considering it?"

"Well, I'm almost getting a bit annoyed from you bugging me about it."

"Aha, so I am good at something! Annoying people! 'Cause that's such a great thing to be good at."

After a while longer, me and Tetesac walked back into the throne room only to find that Lyra was gone, Luna now being the only one in the room. I ran up to the Moon Princess, who was now seated comfortably on her throne. "Hey, where'd Lyra go off to?"

"She is in her room. Now, did you and Tetesac work something out?"

I looked back at Tetesac, who did absolutely nothing. "Well, on the treaty thing, we got from 'no' to 'I'll think about it'. Though, just between you and me, I think he only said that to shut me up."

"I see. Well, we still have some time to work things out. Until then, Guards, please show these two to their respective rooms," she said, signaling a few guards to come over here.

"Yes, your highness. Follow me, you two," said the one in the middle, who happened to be the one who had tackled me earlier.

As we followed him out, I couldn't resist saying something to him. "I gotta say, Hoofington, that was one hell of a tackle back there. I think one of my ribs wound up in my stomach somehow."

"Thanks... I think," he surprisingly replied. "We guards train hard and steadfast to ensure both Canterlot's and her Royal Highness's protection. As such, we act fast on any potential threats, including humans barging into the throne room while shouting profanities."

"I mean, technically, I only said one 'profanity'. But, yeah, I get what you mean. Sorry about freaking you guys out, you gotta understand the sort of thing that's at stake here."

"Judging from the conversations between you three and Celestia, yes, I understand. Besides, with that and the tackle, I'd say we're about even," he said, giving a hint of a smile. Man, I didn't expect any of these guys to show emotion. "In any case, here are your two rooms," he said, stopping between two doors that were a few yards apart. "You will be served meals at regular times of day. You are free to move around the castle, but you are not permitted to leave the grounds until further notice. We will notify you all in the morning when Princess Celestia is prepared to meet with you again." The three guards promptly turned around and left.

"Well," I said, turning to Tetesac, "I'd say this is going pretty alright."

"That will be decided in two days' time, George," he said. "We still have a tank to stop."

"Right, of course. No reason not to get a decent night's sleep before that, though." And with that, I opened the door to my room. "Holy crap."

I gotta say, the room was pretty damn nice. Directly across from me was a set of double doors that led to a balcony. On the right side of the room, there was a large bed draped in blankets and pillows of a crimson or scarlet nature. On the left there was an open doorway that led into what seemed from this angle to be a bathroom.

Well, this certainly beats the dungeons, I thought to myself. I promptly trotted over to the bed and let myself fall onto it, wrapping myself up in the covers. "Ahh, so cozy." Unfortunately, my moment of ecstasy was cut short by a knock at the door. "Goddammit," I said, throwing the blanket off myself and dragging myself over to the door. I pulled it open to meet gazes with a chef pony with a tray on wheels in front of him, with what seemed to be a meal on a plate covered by a silver lid.

"Ooh, is that for me?" I said, eyeing the lid. I really wanted to lift that and see what was under it.

"Yes, this is what we have prepared for you for supper. I hope it meets your satisfaction, we are not too well-versed in human eating habits."

I have a tendency to forget when I'm hungry, but hearing the word "supper" sure as hell reminded me that it had been a while since I had last eaten. I lifted the lid and my eyes met with a plate full of various forms of food, including a roll, some celery, some carrot mush (whoop-dee-doo), and to my surprise, an entire fried fish. And a glass of water, of course.

"Hot damn, looks good to me!" I promptly pulled the tray through the door, not bothering to look back at the chef while giving him a "Thanks, man!"

"That is a relief, we really took a shot in the dark with the Equestrian Cod there-"

"Yeah, I'm sure it's great! I'd like to get to eating now, though, I'm really hungry."

"Right, of course. Enjoy it!"

"Yeah, I will!" I promptly shut the door and sat myself down on the bed, ready to attack this plate. And before I could even blink, the fish had been reduced to a pile of bones, while the roll and celery had simply ceased to exist.

"Damn, that was some good-ass fish," I said to myself, picking a flake of flesh out of my teeth. "I had no idea they even had those. I'm gonna need to ask Lyra about that in the morning." But damn, I was still a little hungry. I took a look at my plate, the only thing remaining was the pile of carrot mush. I eyed it in a way that I would stare down a long-time enemy.

"...You know what, screw it." I grabbed my spoon and shoveled it all into my mouth in a single bite like a real man.

A real disgusted man.