“Now you listen and you listen good, you jacked up Disney villain wannabee,” Coop began. “Ya kidnapped the candy colored ponies, ya tried to steal my robot, and worst of all you’re getting in the way of my having an extra special Pinkie Pie party!”
“That’s the part you’re most upset about!?” Twilight asked in disbelief.
“I got it right, right? It’s ‘extra special Pinkie Pie party?’” he asked the pink mare, ignoring Twilight.
“Well, I was going to give you an extra special Pinkie Pie party, but if you beat this thing I’ll have to change it to a ‘Super-Special-Awesome-Spectacularific Pinkie Pie Party!” she responded with glee.
“Even better!” he declared before turning to back to massive robot. “You wanna play rough? Well let’s see how you like playin’ with Super Destructor Mode!”
Coop then pressed a button labeled “You heard him, kids! We’re bringing it back!”
Missile launchers and barrels soon extended from M.E.G.A.S.’ body, and within seconds it looked less like a robot and more like a arsenal with legs and arms. Every inch of its body was armed with something, its hands and chest being replaced with giant cannons, with smaller cannons attached to those cannons.
Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack gaped. Fluttershy fainted. Rainbow and Spike were practically drooling with anticipation.
“WOOHOO! BRING THE HEAT, BABY!” Pinkie shouted.
“Um, Coop? You did fix the, uh, ‘kinks’ this mode had last time, right?” Kiva asked nervously.
“One way to find out!” he replied with glee, before slamming his hand on a big red button labeled “FIRE”. A veritable swarm of missiles rapidly fired from M.E.G.A.S.’ body, the process continuing even as the first shot missiles began to hit the U.M.D. and explode. This lasted for several seconds, completely obscuring the top half of the giant mech in smoke and explosions. The smoke cleared a few seconds later… to reveal no damage had been done.
“Uh oh,” Jamie muttered.
“Hm,” Coop mumbled before hitting “The same button Coop just pressed,” causing the cannons to fire a barrage of laser blasts. Once again, the explosions obscured the U.M.D.’s upper half, and once again the smoke cleared to reveal no damage.
“Coop, I don’t think this is going to work,” Kiva warned.
“Don’t worry, I’ll just hit him with something bigger!” he proclaimed before slamming his palm on “Still the same button.” The many cannons and missile launchers retracted back inside M.E.G.A.S. only for a giant cannon that seemed equal in mass to the rest of the robot to extend before firing off a massive blast of energy, one that obscured nearly half of the U.M.D., before exploding violently.
“How does this all even fit in here!?” Twilight asked in shock and confusion.
Unfortunately, despite another impressive display of destruction, the U.M.D. bore no signs of damage aside from a slight dark discoloration.
Coop grit his teeth before slamming his palm on “This is a fanfic reference. And guess which button?” M.E.G.A.S. retracted its massive chest cannon before firing a massive amount of missiles. Rather than striking the other giant mech they veered off upwards and began to converge on each other. Rather than exploding they all quickly began to merge and coalesce into a massive bomb… somehow. The bomb then fell on the U.M.D. and exploded in a brilliant flash of light, blinding everyone for miles around. When the light abated and the smoke cleared, the U.M.D. was still standing, with a slight dent in its armor that quickly regenerated itself.
“COOP!” Kiva and Twilight shouted.
The pilot ignored them both and slammed his hand on “This gag has gone on for too long”, causing M.E.G.A.S. to summon its fiery energy sword once again. Coop stomped on the gas pedal and the mech rocketed high into the sky, raising its weapon above its head for a mighty swing. Coop shouted a fearsome battled cry as M.E.G.A.S. charged the U.M.D., cutting a gash through its chest large enough and deep enough to come out the other side. Unfortunately, this injury was also repaired in seconds.
“Our turn,” the massive robot announced before backhanding M.E.G.A.S.
Everyone inside the blue mech screamed as they hurtled backwards, smashing through three of the few still standing buildings before finally coming to a stop against the third and then falling to the ground.
“Ok, this might be a problem,” Rainbow Dash quipped as she rubbed her head, the rest of the group groaning.
Just then there came a series of loud noises that began to get closer. A moment later, a giant crystal flail came smashing through the same buildings they were smashed through.
“Coop!” Kiva called.
Coop slammed on the gas pedal causing M.E.G.A.S. to shoot up into the air, avoiding the giant weapon, which began to retract back to the U.M.D.. The massive behemoth then switched out it’s crystal flail for giant crystal axe before flying to M.E.G.A.S., which began to fire blasts of lasers to little effect. The U.M.D. swung the axe down, slamming M.E.G.A.S. into the ground. As everyone else groaned Coop cracked his knuckles. M.E.G.A.S. stood up and clenched it’s fists before literally throwing them off, only for them to be replaced by fists twice as big. The mech then flew up into the air and uppercut the U.M.D., actually causing it to flinch. M.E.G.A.S. then began to rapidly punch the larger mech’s face, Coop switching between pressing two buttons on a controller, before finally bringing a double-fisted slam down on the mech’s head, sending in smashing into the ground, causing shockwaves to radiate for miles.
“Alright!” Spike cheered, only to falter when they saw the U.M.D. stand up and repair all its damage. It then fired two massive lasers from its eyes.
“Laser,” Jamie warned.
M.E.G.A.S. was then hit, knocking it out of the air and landing on the ground on its back.
“He said ‘laser!’” Twilight shouted.
The U.M.D. pointed both its arms at M.E.G.A.S.
“Here’s one out of your book, Earther!” Gorrath declared as the mech’s hands opened up to reveal giant cannons. Additional cannons extended from all parts of the mech’s body and began to hum with power.
“What are you doing!? You’ll destroy the Elements and the Prototype!” Sombra warned.
“I’m sure he’ll find some way to survive it,” Gorrath retorted as he rolled his eyes.
“Coop!” Rarity cried.
“I got it,” he replied as M.E.G.A.S. stood up. He flicked a switch on the radio causing the mech to extend one arm and a piece of metal to extend form the side. He then grabbed a lever and pushed it forwards and the metal extended to created a dish-like shape around the arm.
“The Mazer Refractor!? Coop, please tell me you fixed it!” Kiva asked in alarm as it began to charge.
“’bout to find out!” he replied as he pressed some buttons above him.
Meanwhile, the U.M.D.’s cannons were beginning to glow red, power ready to burst out.
“Here goes nothin’!” Coop declared as he slammed his fist on a button labeled “TURBO CHARGE.”
“FIRE!” Gorrath shouted, the U.M.D. unleashing a barrage of laser fire.
At that same moment M.E.G.A.S. flashed bright yellow before a electric bubble shield appeared around it. The blasts bend the shield inward with enough force to cause the mech to stumble backwards, but they didn’t manage to penetrate it and instead coalesced into one spot.
“Let’s see how you like it!” Coop yelled before pulling back on the lever he pushed forwards before. M.E.G.A.S. swung its arms to the side, causing a massive blast of energy to fire back at the U.M.D. The resulting blast was visible from space.
“Cooooooooool,” Discord and a little kid said simply before going to back to their slushies.
The U.M.D. had actually taken quite the hit, its arm nearly off and its face smashed. And yet, it still began to quickly repair itself.
“Oh, come on!” Rainbow Dash shouted.
“Hey, no problem! This shield is basically invincible,” Jamie assured her.
“Allow me to prove you wrong,” the massive mech interjected, summoning a blade of dark energy from its arm. The massive machine took a swipe at the Mazer barrier, and swept on through like it wasn’t there. For a moment, nothing happened. Then the barrier fell.
“What happened?” Applejack asked.
“I don’t know! Whatever that blade was, it was on the exact opposite frequency of the Mazer protons, cancelling them out!” Kiva explained, quickly tapping on her holoscreen.
The U.M.D. opened its mouth, preparing to fire another blast of energy.
“Oh boy,” Coop, Jamie, Dash, AJ, Pinkie, and Spike all said simultaneously. Twilight concentrated hard and summoned a shield to cover all of M.E.G.A.S. just in time to take the blast.
Everyone groaned as the Sombra mech laughed evilly.
“Pure power isn’t going to be enough to take him down,” Kiva said. “We need to separate Sombra from the mech somehow.”
“Why don’t we just use that girly rainbow laser like last time?” Jamie asked.
“Coop had to restrain him before just so we could have enough time to get it to work. Even if we somehow didn’t get interrupted, it would likely take hours to purge him from the machine this time,” Twilight explained.
“If only there were a way to make it a super-duper-awesome charged Elements of Harmony beam!” Pinkie exclaimed, somehow still acting chipper.
“… That’s it!” Twilight and Kiva both declared simultaneously.
“If we could have the Elements of Harmony pour their energy into M.E.G.A.S. power core-“
“-then we can amply the power and use it imbue M.E.G.A.S.’s attacks with same power!” Twilight finished.
“Wow. I didn’t think I’d meet anyone that could actually be on the same wavelength as Egghead,” Rainbow Dash joked.
“All six of you need to come down to the core with me,” Kiva said, opening a panel on the floor of the back. “Coop, get ready to fire a powerful blast.”
“Hit him with something big? That I can do,” Coop declared confidently.
“All of you, come quick,” she said as she hopped down the access, everypony except Pinkie following.
“Pinkie, what’s the hold up?” Rainbow asked, peeking her head out.
“Just one sec!” she said before writing on a small piece of paper and then taping it to M.E.G.A.S.’s control panel. Coop read the note, then turned and gave Pinkie a thumbs-up, the mare winking back. “Coming!” she called as she cannonballed down the hole.
“This ends today, Earther!” Gorrath declared, preparing to fire another massive blast.
Coop quickly typed a sequence of buttons on a keypad, the entering a button combination on one of his controllers, causing a series of barrels to extend from both of M.E.G.A.S.’s arms, then for even more and larger barrels to fold open and cover the sides, then for even bigger barrels to cover those ones. He then entered another series of button presses before reaching forwards to pull a lever, causing four cannons to extend from the mech’s back. He then pressed a few items on a touch screen, causing the legs to open up and reveal more barrels. He finally swung out both of his arms, hitting a series of switches, causing M.E.G.A.S. to take a stance ready to fire.
The six mares aligned themselves around the electrical power core.
“Everypony ready?” Twilight asked.
“Ready!” the girls replied. They all closed their eyes before they began to glow with power. A rainbow of light emanated from Twilight’s Elements, linking with the others and creating a ring of harmonic energy. They girls then opened their eyes, all shining white with power, as energy shot out of their Elements and into the core, causing it to shine even brighter with a rainbow of colors.
“Coop, now!” Kiva ordered into her wrist communicator.
“IT ALL ENDS HERE!” Gorrath shouted, firing a massive series of lasers right at M.E.G.A.S.
Coop lifted his hand and slammed it down on a red button. It was originally labeled “MASTER BLASTER”, but the note Pinkie taped to it was “The Most Awesomest Girly Thing You’ve Ever Seen!” The mech fired from every one of its barrels, unleashing a barrage every color of the rainbow, which quickly joined into one massive beam that completely overpowered the energy blast it met with.
“What!?” Sombra exclaimed just before the blast hit him. “No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he cried as he could feel himself forced out of the giant mech.
“Oh boy, Discord,” muttered. “’scuse me, kid,” he said before teleporting out into orbit. As he looked down he saw an explosion of Harmony energy engulf the greater northeast coast of the country. “Aw come on, don’t finish with that! Give me some destruction!” Discord complained. As he saw the energy fade he prepared to teleport back. “Come on, big guy, don’t let me down!”
“Did we get it?” Applejack asked as she and the rest exited the access port.
“Sort of,” Spike pointed out, showing the now Sombra-less U.M.D.
“Hey, no sweat! Buckle up!” Coop declared.
“Don’t have to tell me twice,” Rarity replied, quickly taking her seat.
As soon as everyone was secure Coop pressed a button labeled “You knew we had to make this reference.” M.E.G.A.S. raised on of its arms, the hand retreating inside to be replaced by a giant drill that quickly expanded to nearly three times the size of the mech. It spun rapidly as M.E.G.A.S. rocketed forwards, still powered by Harnomy energy, unleashing a rainbow colored propulsion as at punched right through the U.M.D. M.E.G.A.S. then landed and quickly retracted the drill, replacing it with its hand, before the massive mech fell over. The cockpit shot up and began to retreat into the sky.
“THIS ISN’T THE END, EARTHER!” Gorrath shouted. “JUST YOU WAIT!”
“Yeah yeah, whatever. Go home and let mommy put a band-aid on your little boo-boo,” Coop mocked.
“Nice,” Dash said before the two exchanged a bump.
“So, we done?” Jamie asked.
“Almost,” Spike said as he pointed out the window at a small black figure on the ground.
“I got this,” Coop said as he pulled out the light gun, M.E.G.A.S.’ right hand retracting.
“Ugh,” Sombra groaned. “What was-?” he began before noticing his state. He then looked up at Gorrath’s retreating escape craft. “No! NO! YOU GET BACK HERE! I’M NOT DONE!” he shouted.
“Hey, Sombrero,” came a voice.
Sombra looked behind him, and then up to see M.E.G.A.S. with its cannon arm pointed at him.
“Oh no,” he muttered.
“Taste the rainbow,” Coop said smugly.
“NOOO-!” Sombra screamed, only for his cry to be cut off as he was engulfed by a quick blast of rainbow light, leaving nothing but his horn spinning in the air for a moment before it fell to the ground.
Coop blew on his gun, as if it was smoking, before putting it back in its holster. Suddenly, the sound of applause came from right outside. Everyone turned, surprised to see an oddly shaped creature clapping its mismatched appendages.
“Bravo! Bravo! Bravissimo! I knew you wouldn’t let me down! That was some quality chaos and destruction right there!”
“What the heck is that thing?” Jamie asked.
“Discord!” Twilight shouted angrily. “This is all your fault! If you hadn’t given me Sombra’s horn, we never would’ve been here!”
“’My fault?’ Oh my dear, I think you’re mistaken. After all, you didn’t have to use that horn to help make your little spell work. You could’ve just refused, even gave it to Celestia. In the end, the choice to use it was yours,” he replied smugly.
Twilight growled. “What are you even doing here? How are you here?”
“As for the how, I just recreated that spell you did. As for the why, I’m here to take you all back. And am I ever glad I did!” he phased through the car like it wasn’t even there before grabbing Coop’s hand and shaking it. “Otherwise I would’ve never been able to see your work! You, sir, are a master of your craft! So much destruction! Such chaos! And to think you’re supposed to be the hero around these parts! Oh, I wish I could see more, but I’m so thankful for what you’ve already shown me.”
Coop blinked for a few moments before smiling. “Aw, hey, it’s no big. Glad you liked the show!”
Discord then vanished in a flash before appearing in the back seat with Fluttershy in his arms. “And I’d also like to thank you for taking care of my little friend here. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to her.”
“Hey, like it said, its no prob! Savin’ the day is what I do, even it that means saving a bunch of cutesy ponies.”
“Hm? Oh, right, thanks for save the rest of them too, I guess,” Discord said dismissively.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Fine. Now let’s go back already.”
“Wait, now?” Spike asked.
“But I still have to throw Coop’s Super-Special-Awesome-Spectacularific Thank You party!” Pinkie whined.
“Yeah, we don’t have to leave just yet!” Rainbow Dash added.
“B-But-“
“Although this surroundings might not exactly be to my taste, I wouldn’t mind some rest and relaxation after the horridness we all went through,” Rarity said.
“It’d be a shame to go without at least a little celebratin’,” Applejack added.
“Um… If everypony else is okay with it, then I gues I am too. If that’s alright,” Fluttershy said meekly.
Twilight, realizing she had been outvoted, sighed. “I guess we can stay for a little while.”
Princess Celestia paced in he throne room as she waited for Discord to return with her student and her friends. It had been hours since he left and she had lowered the sun to dusk. Luna sat nearby, having already been explained the situation as she drank some tea to calm her own nerves.
Finally, a swirling vortex of a portal opened up in the throne room, revealing six mares, one dragon, and one draconequus.
“We’re back!” Discord exclaimed, lifting up his bags of souvenirs. “Oh boy, Celly, was it a trip! Of only you were there for the after-party!”
“Princess Celestia! Princess Luna!” Twilight cried as she rushed forwards.
“Twilight!” the both replied, all three sharing a hug.
“I’m so happy to see you’re okay!” Celestia said.
“Indeed. What happened while you were away?” Luna asked.
“Some of the girls got captured by some evildoers in the other dimension, and Sombra managed to revive himself in with some advanced technology. Luckily, some of the locals helped us out,” she explained.
Celestia sighed and looked to the rest of her subjects. “I’m glad to see you all returned after having to deal with such a trail all this time.”
“Well, not all this time,” Spike began.
“Yeah! We had to hold a party to celebrate beating the bad guys!” Pinkie exclaimed.
“Um, sorry if you were worried,” Fluttershy apologized.
“I see,” Celestia smiled. “Then did you make learn anything new about friendship with those that helped you, Twilight?”
“What? No!” Twilight shouted. “Absolutely not! How could I have learned anything about friendship with all of the destruction and ridiculous-!?” Twilight stopped when she remembered some of the events of the past day.
“Hey, just chill. We’ll rescue your girly pony friends.”
Twilight just stood there for a moment, Celestia and Luna staring in surprise at her outburst, before she sighed. “Actually, as much as I hate to admit it, I think I did learn something.” Twilight brought a hoof to her chest, inhaling slowly before exhaling.
“Dear Princess Celestia-“
“’Dear Princess Celestia?’ She’s right here,” Discord interrupted.
“THIS IS HOW I GATHER MY THOUGHTS AFTER TRAUMATIC EVENTS SHUT UP AND LET ME DO THIS!” she screeched back, causing everypony, even Discord, to flinch. She inhaled deeply and exhaled again.
“Dear Princess Celestia,
“You sent me to Ponyville a year ago telling me to go make friends, though back then that was something I didn’t really care anything about. Over the past year I’ve learned and come to appreciate friendship, and I thought I knew just about everything there was to know about it, but today I realize just how much I still have to learn.
“Me and my friends were helped by a very… odd group of individuals, and I’m not just saying that because they weren’t ponies. When asked them how they all got together, I was surprised to learn that at first it was more being forced to be together rather than any mutual decision. But, eventually, they all had formed a genuine bond with each other despite the initial lack of enthusiasm.” Twilight chuckled. “Actually, now that I think about, that’s not too different from how I met all of my own closest friends.
“Anyway, first was Kiva. I liked Kiva. She was intelligent, composed, strong both in body and character, and was much better adjusted for the absurdness that ensued than I will probably ever be. I guess she’s somepony… someone I can look up to. Then there’s Jamie. A rather odd case, if I may say so. He’s lazy, cowardly, and honestly quite selfish. And yet, when the situation really called for it, he stepped up and did what needed to be done for those around him, often more to his own surprised than that of those around him. And then, there’s Coop,” Twilight paused to sigh. “Where do I begin with Coop? He has a lust for battle like I’ve never seen, gleefully causes mass destruction with little care to the consequences, and if what I’ve heard is true, and I have every reason to believe it is, has destroyed the occasional planet… and yet is foalish enough, heroic enough, and, it must be said, stupid enough that I can almost overlook all of it.”
Twilight sighed again, but then smiled. “What I’ve learned today is that the Magic of Friendship isn’t just in Equestria, even if it doesn’t always show up in the same form that I’m used to, and can be just as powerful there as it is here.”
Celestia and Luna exchanged surprised glances for a moment before smiling.
“Well, I’d say that’s quite the-“ Celestia began.
“THAT BEING SAID!” Twilight interrupted, her shouting surprising everypony again. “IF I EVER SEE COOP AND HIS INFERNAL ROBOT OF MASS DESTRUCTION EVER AGAIN IT’LL BE TOO SOON!” she then let loose with a scream of anguish and frustration. After a few seconds of this she gasped for breath for a few moments before placing one hoof to her chest and doing her breathing exercise again. “Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,” she finished, still obviously worked up. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to make use of my new authority as a Princess by raiding the wine cellar. Then tomorrow… I’d like to have a stained glass window commissioned.”
Celestia just stared for a moment before seeing the completely exhausted look in Twilight’s eyes, a look she’d seen in the mirror more than once. “Rightmost cabinet, bottom row. They’re strong, but not too expensive.”
(Months later)
“I can’t believe I didn’t know about all these things you and your friends did!” Starlight exclaimed, walking down the Canterlot Palace with her new mentor, gazing at the images of the accomplishments of her and her friends. “Boy, am I an idiot.”
“You were just uninformed, that was all,” Twilight assured her. “That’s what happens when you isolate yourself from the rest of the world. I’m if you knew how important the friendship of me and my friends was to the history of Equestria, you would’ve found some other way to try for your revenge.”
“I’m not so sure about that. I was a little far gone,” Starlight muttered. She then stopped at one window in particular. It depicted a strange, bipedal creature unleashing a wave of energy from it’s hands, arranged in a horn-like shape, at what looked to be a figure very similar to the one that showed Spike’s defeat of King Sombra. “What’s this one?” she asked.
Twilight and smiled nostalgically. “That was one of the stranger days of my life, even by my standards. That being there is actually a machine.”
“’A machine?’” Starlight asked in shock. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of something like this anywhere in Equestria.”
“Well, that’d make sense, since it wasn’t from Equestria.”
“What!?”
Twilight chuckled. “Let’s head over to Donut Joes. I’ll tell you all about it.”
“So let me get this straight: You fought a giant evil wizard unicorn robot and saved a bunch of girly pretty magical ponies, including a pony princess?” Skippy asked.
“Yup. All said and done, they were pretty cool,” Coop replied as they both looked at the photo.
“’Cool?’ You thought the ponies were cool?”
“Yeah. Well… She was scaredy cat,“ he began pointing at one of the beings in the picture. “She was a nerd. She was kinda prissy. She was alright, real country girl. She was blast, and she made some of the best food. And she was the coolest one, I liked hanging out with her.”
“Really? The one with the rainbow hair was the coolest one?” Skippu asked, raising his eyebrow.
“Yeah I know what you’re thinking, but she was pretty awesome. Fast as a jet, and she rocked out pretty hard, too.”
“What’s about that one?”
“Oh, he’s a dragon. Just a little kid though.”
“And that one?”
“Some… Draconequis thing ore something? Said something about being a ‘Lord of Chaos’ or something. He was pretty fun, too.”
“Man, this is lame. Come on, Coop, let’s go blow up the moon again or something,” Skippy complained as he walked over to the fridge.
Coop gave the photo one last look. Depicted were Applejack tipping her hat, Fluttershy laying there and smiling, Twilight waving to the camera, Rarity dressed in an Evlis coat and some shades, Pinkie drinking two Megaslushes at once, Rainbow and himself drinking their own Megaslushes while exchanging a fist/hoof bump, Spike and Jamie throwing up the horns, Kiva smiling as she painfully gripped Goats hand, who was still trying to smile, and Discord floating in the back somehow managing to give everyone the bunny ears at once. All set to the backDop of M.E.G.A.S. standing in front of a destroyed Jersey City.
“Yeah, they were really girly. Still cool, though,” he thought as he went to go look after Skippy.
THE END