//------------------------------// // 11 – Falling Further // Story: Looking Glass // by Krickis //------------------------------// Chapter Eleven Falling Further ⠀ ⠀ The sun was high in the sky, and there wasn’t a cloud in sight. It was the perfect day for a walk through town. And with the weather only growing colder, it was quite possibly the last decent day of the year. It was a little strange that more people weren’t out, but then again it was mid-day, so most people were probably still at work. Sunset strolled along at ease, enjoying the solitude. For once, it didn’t seem to have snowed at all the night before, allowing her to move freely without having to worry about trudging through slush. Although she wasn’t walking with any particular destination in mind, Sunset found herself walking down a familiar path. Before she could place exactly where she was, she came upon her favorite store. She stopped outside and contemplated her next move. It had only been a few days since her last visit, and she didn’t like to push her luck. But something about the day just felt right, so she decided to go for it anyway. Stepping inside, she found that the cashier was nowhere to be found. Nor was anyone else, for that matter. Christmas music usually played this time of year, but the store was completely silent. Sunset continued to the beverage aisle. As she rounded the corner, she nearly ran into the first person she had seen all day. It was the same cashier she had seen the last time she was in the store, and he was just standing in the middle of the aisle. Sunset had to jerk to a halt to miss him. “Hey there,” he said, drawing the greeting out. “If it isn’t my favorite customer.” “Oh, hi.” Sunset forced an innocent laugh. “Sorry, guess I wasn’t really looking where I was going.” “Don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t mind if you did bump into me every now and again.” He winked, sending chills down Sunset’s spine. “Need help finding anything?” Sunset grinned nervously. “No thanks. I think I know my way around by now.” She walked past him to the soda. It seemed she wouldn’t be able to get any more alcohol, but that was okay. It wasn’t like she had planned on it anyway, and she was really just ready to get away from him. “Looking for this?” Sunset turned around to see him holding a bottle of Versant du Soleil out for her. “What? No, of course not. Don’t be silly, I’m too young to drink that.” “Don’t worry about it.” He walked closer and tucked the wine into her purse. “It’ll be our little secret.” When there wasn’t a counter separating them, Sunset couldn’t help but notice how much taller he was than her. She took a step away, and he took two steps closer. “I, uh… You know, I’m only twelve.” “I know that. Doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, right?” He placed his hand on her shoulder, gripping her forcefully. “You know, I have something much stronger than wine. Trust me, you’ll love it.” Sunset turned to run, and found the other side of the aisle was walled off. “What gives?” he asked, walking closer. He stood in the middle of the aisle, trapping her. “I thought you liked breaking the rules?” “Get away from me,” Sunset said fiercely, but he didn’t. “Come on, it’ll be fun.” He reached a hand towards her, so she leapt back. She felt something solid behind her and realized she was as far as she could go. “There’s lots of adult things to try besides just drinking.” Since going backwards was no longer an option, Sunset ran forwards. She had hoped she could slip by him, but he was able to get a grip on her right arm. She grabbed for something off the shelf to defend herself with, but he grabbed her with his other arm before she could do anything. He pushed her against the ground, and brought his face closer to hers. Wriggling free just enough, Sunset swung with her left hand. She heard the sound of glass breaking, and he fell on top of her. He tried to push himself up, but she kept swinging, even after his movements stopped. Once she could barely find the strength to swing her arm, she tried pushing him off of her. He was too heavy to do so easily, so she had to half push him off while shimmying out from under him. She dropped her purse along the way, and didn’t pick it back up. Sunset looked down at what she had done. A broken bottle lay next to the body, and blood was everywhere. She was covered in it as well, so she pulled off her jacket and gloves, leaving them on the ground. There wasn’t anything she could do about the rest of her clothes. She looked around for any sign of anyone else, but there was no one. Although she was shaken, she resolved to not let it get to her. She calmly walked outside, and found it had started snowing lightly. She debated if it was worth going back inside to see if they had any warm clothes to replace the ones she had left, but decided against it. She needed to put as much distance between her and the store as she could. Once again, Sunset didn’t pay any attention to where she was going. There wasn’t much of a chance that she would get herself lost. After spending years wandering through the city, Sunset could recognize most of it. Sure enough, she found herself coming to another familiar destination, although it was one she had only been to once before. It was a cozy house with a white picket fence. Sunset had always hated how picturesque it was. It looked like the perfect place to raise a girl. “Sunset! Did you come to play?” Sunset frowned at Dew Drop. Of course she had gotten adopted by the most sickeningly sweet family imaginable. Couples were always coming in to adopt cute little girls. Just not girls like Sunset. “No, I don’t want to play,” Sunset said. “Oh.” Dew Drop had gotten better over time, but she still acted like Sunset’s reluctance to be friends was some sort of personal attack against her. And maybe it was, just a little. She looked at Sunset’s clothes. “What’s all that red stuff?” “Juice,” Sunset answered automatically. “It doesn’t look like juice.” “Don’t you have your own friends around here?” Sunset asked in annoyance. “I thought Sugar Breeze was living in the same neighborhood or something.” “Yeah, she does.” Dew Drop didn’t seem to be cheered up much by the reminder. Sunset just shrugged. “Well then, I guess that settles it. See you around.” “No you won’t,” Dew Drop snapped. It wasn’t the denial that bothered Sunset; Dew Drop was probably right about that one. No, it was her tone. Sunset had lived with Dew Drop for three years, and never once had she sounded angry. Sunset turned to look at her, not really sure what she planned on saying. But it didn’t matter because Dew Drop’s expression blocked out anything Sunset might’ve said anyway. Dew Drop looked at her with pure malice, an evil grin fixed on her face. “You’ll just keep ignoring me just like you ignore everyone. And we’ll all just keep ignoring you, too. Just face it, Sunset; you put on the tough girl act because you know that no one could ever actually care about you anyway.” “Excuse me!?” Sunset stormed up to the picket fence, but Dew Drop just laughed and backed away. “Honestly, I don’t know why I bothered for so long.” Dew Drop shrugged and walked over to her front door. Before going in, though, she stopped to turn back to Sunset, her expression becoming deadly serious. “But remember that I did try. I wanted to be your friend, and you just wouldn’t let me. Whatever happens now is your own doing.” Without giving Sunset a chance to reply, Dew Drop walked into the house. Sunset could even hear her new parents’ excited voices greeting her. The snow was picking up, so Sunset went back to walking. With the weather getting worse and her not having a jacket or gloves, she knew she ought to just head back to the orphanage, but there was still more to do. She wasn’t sure what, but she knew there was something. Sunset almost walked past the next memorable building she came across. It had been years since she had been there, after all. Not to mention that it had fallen out of repair to the point of almost being unrecognizable. But there were some places she would never forget. Parts of the wall were missing, so Sunset didn’t bother with the door as she stepped through. She looked around the dilapidated reception hall of the psychologist’s office she had once visited every week. It looked like it had been abandoned right after she had last seen it, with everything still in place. Weather worn furniture lay in pieces on the ground, mixed in with books and documents that had long since fallen off of shelves. Sunset ignored everything she saw and walked deeper into the building. She wasn’t sure what she hoped she might find, but she followed the familiar path towards Crystal Clear’s office. Unlike most of the building, the door was still in one piece. She tried pushing it open, only to find it was locked. Deciding there was nothing else to be done, Sunset turned to leave. She stopped when she heard the door open behind her. “Sunset. You’re late for our appointment.” Sunset wheeled around to see Crystal Clear, although just like the building, he was barely recognizable. His short hair had grown long and ragged, he looked sick and sounded even worse, and his expertly kept suit was left in tatters. “Jesus Christ, what the fuck happened to you?” Crystal Clear flashed the same smile that had made him so easy to trust before. It didn’t have the same effect now that the few teeth he hadn’t lost were stained yellow. “You did.” Sunset began backing away from him. At least he didn’t seem intent on following her. “What are you talking about? I haven’t done shit to you!” Crystal Clear sighed and shook his head. “Still in denial, I see? I had hoped you would’ve made more progress by now. Really now, Sunset, what did you think would happen after the stunt you pulled? I lost my license, and with it, my job. I couldn’t afford my house, my car, my son. I lost everything because of you.” That wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. “All I did was report on what you did.” “Oh, are you sure about that?” Crystal Clear smiled again. “Think back to what happened. You can remember that much, at least. Ask yourself what exactly it was that I did, and I think you’ll find the answer is quite different from what you want it to be.” Sunset gritted her teeth and pointed at him accusingly. “You were the one writing a book about me!” “Really now, Sunset. I was using you as a case study, yes. You were an important case for child psychology, and I could have done a lot of good. Both for you and for other kids.” Sunset narrowed her eyes. “All out of the goodness of your heart then?” “You’re a smart girl,” he said. He spoke as if every word he was saying was really just part of a truth Sunset had known all along. It probably was. “People are inherently selfish. They do good things because it will get them recognition, or because that’s how they feel good about themselves. What matters in the end is that something good gets done. I did have a lot to gain from working with you, but so did the psychological community as a whole. Meanwhile, you had nothing to lose. My study would take years to conduct, and would hardly have made you a household name.” “Just shut up already. No matter how you try and justify it, there’s no excuse for the way you screwed with my head.” Crystal Clear smiled. “I think we’re getting closer to what this is really about. You have to face the facts, Sunset. You know that I wasn’t responsible for those memories.” “Shut up!” Sunset clamped her hands against her ears. “I don’t want to talk about that!” “But that’s what it all comes back to, isn’t it? That’s what’s really important here.” Crystal Clear opened the door wider and motioned for Sunset to come in. Through the open doorway she could see the room was covered in drawings of ponies. “Tell me, Sunset; do you believe in Equestria?” It was small, but Sunset felt it. As Crystal Clear finished his sentence, the world shook. Sunset ran away again. She didn’t have an answer for him. She didn’t want to have an answer. The weather outside had worsened again, the falling snow almost blocking out the sun. Even once she was out of the building, Sunset kept running. She didn’t know how long she ran for any more than she knew where she was running to, she just ran. After a while, she found herself somewhere she didn’t recognize. After all the familiar sights, it struck her as a little odd. She was staring at a large maroon building, which curved in a U-shape. A horse statue stood in front of a courtyard. It was clearly a school, but not one Sunset recognized. All the same, it filled her with dread. “What is this?” Sunset asked aloud. “This is where the whole mess got started.” Both the answer and the person who gave it should have surprised her, but neither did. Sunset just turned to Applejack as if she had been expected all along. “What do you mean?” “This is as far back as you’ll let yourself go, but ya still gotta go deeper.” Applejack held out her hand. “It’s okay, though. No one ever said ya gotta do it alone.” Sunset stared at Applejack’s hand for a moment, then she ignored it and walked towards the school. Applejack fell into step beside her. “I don’t want your help,” Sunset reminded her. “I know ya don’t.” “So why are you still here?” “Because whether ya want it or not, ya do need it.” Applejack gently placed a hand on Sunset’s shoulder. They stopped walking, and Applejack looked up into the sky. “Almost time.” Sunset followed her line of sight to see the sun was going down. “What happens when it sets?” Applejack looked at her for a moment, sadness showing on her face. “That’s not a question I can answer for you.” Sunset didn’t say anything for a while. They both stood silently watching the sun set, with Applejack’s hand continuing to rest on Sunset’s shoulder. Something about the sight was supposed to be special, but she couldn’t place it. She was pretty sure that there was someone else she was supposed to be watching it with. Applejack patted her roughly on the back. “Come on, we’re almost there.” No longer able to find words to reply with, Sunset allowed Applejack to lead her closer to the statue. Every step filled her with dread, although she couldn’t have said why. When Sunset began lagging behind, Applejack stopped and offered her hand again. “Would ya just stop being so stubborn and let someone help ya out?” It sounded so easy when Applejack said it, but it still felt easier to ignore her. Sunset pushed ahead, approaching the statue on her own. The surface was reflective, and Sunset didn’t like what she saw. It was clearly herself in the reflection, but not as she was supposed to be. On the statue’s surface, she saw a amber-colored unicorn wearing her features. While she was stuck frozen in place, she watched a little girl approach from behind her. Sunset turned to see Applejack, who was still adolescent outside of the reflection. “It’s okay,” Applejack assured her. “You can do this.” “No, I can’t,” Sunset said, her voice rapid and panicky. “I need to go, I can’t be here!” She scrambled away, eager to get anywhere else. “Stop,” Applejack said, and Sunset stopped. “Listen.” Sunset listened. She heard a vibrating sound, and felt the world move again. “Hear that? She’s coming.” “What!?” Sunset looked around in a panic, trying to find any sign of her. She wanted to run, but didn’t know where to run to. “You have to face her, Sunset. It’s the only way to move on.” “No! I won’t! I… I can’t!” The world vibrated again, and Sunset launched herself at Applejack, desperate to hold onto to anything that might help. Applejack let Sunset bury her face into her shoulder, and wrapped her arms around her protectively. “Sunset?” “What?” By this point, Sunset was desperate for any reassurance Applejack could give her. As the other girl pulled Sunset closer, she let herself believe everything would be okay. Somehow, Applejack would make everything okay. She placed a hand on the back of Sunset’s head, guiding her so that her ear was right beside Applejack’s mouth. “She’s here.” The vibrating didn’t stop when Sunset woke up. She pulled her blanket over her head and held it down as tightly as she could. Every few seconds a pulsation would come from underneath her, as that horrible vibrating noise resounded in her ears. Silently, she prayed to something, anything, to make the noise stop, but it didn’t. It grew louder. The feeling grew so that the whole bed was vibrating, and then grew to be the whole world. The sound was all around her, filling the air. Another sound, a distant memory. Unmistakable. A single hoofstep. It came from outside of her room. She prayed it would stay there. Another. And another. They grew in volume as they picked up speed. Soon they formed a steady rhythm, moving ever closer. Always accompanied by the incessant vibrating. Both sounds stopped when the hoofsteps were right outside of her room. Sunset tried to keep her breathing in check, terrified that she would be heard. It didn’t work. The sound didn’t resume. Sunset knew better than to hope it was over, and braced herself for the second wave. It never came. Ever so carefully, she lifted the corner of her blanket to peek out. The room was covered with darkness, with only some ambient light filtering in through the window. Sunset looked around for something out of the ordinary, but saw nothing. She breathed a sigh of relief and took a moment for her breathing to return to normal. Although she still felt a little apprehensive, she sat up. Nothing jumped out at her, because there was nothing hiding. It was just a bad dream which had continued to feel real when she woke up. Nothing she hadn’t experienced countless times before. Going back to sleep right away would just lead to another nightmare, so she got up and turned her light on. She winced at the light, but it made her realize exactly how ridiculous she had been. Moreso for the short walk than any other reason, Sunset left her bedroom. She would have loved to waste some time in front of the computer or television, but it was the middle of the night so that was off limits. Most of the orphanage’s residents would be asleep, but there were still two overnight caretakers on staff in case the kids needed anything late at night. And, of course, to make sure they stayed in bed. Without much else available for her to do, she walked down the hallway to the bathroom. Although Sunset hated mirrors, she took the time to check her reflection. The only thing that stared back was a tired looking girl, who should probably hurry up and get back to bed. Sunset smiled as she turned on the faucet, giving the water a moment to heat up. She reached a hand into the water to test it, and once it was warm enough, she leaned over the sink to splash some water onto her face. As Sunset was rubbing her eyes, she heard it again. The same vibrating noise, and it was close. She jerked her head up and found herself staring into angry magenta eyes. Sunset yelled and took a step back, falling into the bathtub. When she looked again she only saw herself. ‘I’m just tired. I just need to get back to sleep.’ Sunet didn’t really believe that, but repeating it to herself was the best she could manage. She quickly pulled herself out of the bathtub, turned off the faucet, and made her way back to her room. Although the thought of what she might find filled her with dread, Sunset forced herself to check her bedroom mirror as well. All she found in it was that she looked like an absolute mess. ‘She’s not real.’ Sunset didn’t even know if she believed that one. Before she could get back to sleep, there was something she needed to check. She shifted her mattress and reached her arm into the hole in her box spring. Finding the pillowcase, she pulled the whole thing out. It was filled with things she didn’t want other people to see, like the half-full bottle of wine, as well as things she wanted to hide away from herself. That was what she was after this time. She pulled out a brown hardcover book with a yellow and red sun on the cover. Setting the rest of the bag aside, Sunset sat down on the bed with the book. There was a time when she had poured over every word written in it, although she had long since stopped. Now there was only one page she ever turned to. About halfway through the book, the pages became blank. Sunset flipped to the bookmarked page, the last one with writing. She turned to this page so much that she didn’t even need to read it anymore. She could recognize it exactly on sight, as if it contained a familiar portrait rather than text. She read it anyway. I was thinking about that mirror, and I still can’t figure it out. Sunset, I have told you already, you’ll learn about the mirror in due time. And that was it. The final message between ‘Sunset Shimmer’ and ‘Princess Celestia’. Everything about the book was bizarre. It was elaborately handwritten, with both characters having completely distinct handwriting. And yet, there was nothing special about most of the conversations. It was clearly a work of fiction, but with no real plot to follow. And, of course, there were the memories. Sunset could remember things this other Sunset Shimmer had experienced, although it was plain that they were not one in the same. The book featured a fantastical setting, with magic unicorns and immortal princesses. The book had plainly influenced Sunset to an enormous degree. She had been found with it in her possession, and the name ‘Sunset Shimmer’ was sewn into the bag that was also found with her. She had taken Sunset Shimmer’s name, and sometimes she felt like her entire life was controlled by the character. It wasn’t hard to see what had happened, although Sunset had no idea why it had happened. She must have read the book as a child, when she would have found the idea of being a magic unicorn very appealing. Then, for whatever reason, she found herself lost without any memory of who she was. Being young and impressionable, she had adopted the mantle of her favorite character, and filled in the blanks with a story of her own creation. She stared at the book and wondered why she didn’t just burn the damn thing. It had never done anything good for her, and maybe then she would be free from the nightmares. Free from her. “Sunset Shimmer.” Although the book in her hand never moved, Sunset could swear she felt a vibration. She dropped the book onto the floor and looked around wildly. Her eyes immediately fell onto the mirror, which showed nothing. Not her, not her bedroom, nothing at all. A dim light appeared in the black pool that should have been her mirror, and the hoofsteps started again. This time she could tell it was not coming from outside her room, but rather from inside the mirror. Sunset sat paralyzed with fear. The hoofsteps were close and getting closer, and there was nothing she could do. Whether from the book or from somewhere else, a horrible vibrating noise echoed loudly around her. The noise stopped for half a moment, then she appeared. A white face with angry magenta eyes, staring at her from inside the mirror. Except it wasn’t a mirror, not anymore, and it wouldn’t hold her. A long white foreleg reached out from the blackness, stepping on top of her dresser. Things got knocked to the floor as she brought herself into the world. Next came her head, prismatic hair trailing behind her. “Sunset Shimmer.” Her voice was harsh as she came closer. A front hoof reached the wooden floor. Sunset broke free of her paralysis and lunged to the edge of the bed, reaching for something, anything to defend herself with. She found something hard and she threw it. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see what would happen, and she heard glass breaking. Then there was nothing. No hoofsteps, no vibrating, nothing. When Sunset opened her eyes, she saw a pile of broken glass from where the mirror had been. She breathed a sigh of relief, until she realized exactly how loud the sound had been. And sitting in the middle of the glass was the book. Acting without even thinking about what she was doing, Sunset leaped forward and grabbed the book. Somebody was sure to come running any minute, and she could not let them take that away from her. She felt a stinging in her hand as she grabbed it, but she ignored that. Without worrying about being careful and quiet, Sunset moved her mattress and shoved the book through the hole in the box spring. The mattress was barely in place before her bedroom door opened. Sunset turned to find one of the overnight caretakers looking wide-eyed at her and the mess. “What the heck happened in here?” “I can explain,” Sunset said, even though she wasn’t sure how she was going to manage that one. She lifted her hands in an apologetic gesture, and regretted it immediately when she realized one was bleeding. The caretaker noticed as well. “Oh jeez… Here, let me look at it.” He stepped into the room, but stopped as his foot hit something that made a distinct clinking sound. An overwhelming sense of hopelessness came over Sunset as he bent down and picked up the pillow case she had left out. All she could do was stare as he pulled out the bottle of wine.