Pain.
Why was there always pain?
Be it physical or emotional, it was the one constant in Silvers life, and one he could happily do without. One way or another, he'd always find a way to get himself hurt.
At times, he would occasionally gauge which one hurt more, his body or his heart. In truth, he had no idea why he'd play that masochistic game, or where it even came from in the first place. But, in a way, there was some logic to it.
For Silver, it was his way of downplaying his problems. For him to think that, “This situation kinda sucks, but on the other paw, it's still not as bad this other thing.” The lesser of two evils, as it were.
Like right now, for example. At the moment, his body was searing, and every muscle ached with gut wrenching agony. He'd been struck by lightning before, both from storms and Black Wing, but that being said, being struck by lightning made from an alicorn was far more unpleasant than anything he'd felt previously. It did only take three strikes before he was beaten down.
And on the other paw, there was his heart, just as beaten and broken as his body, if not more so. Despite his silence and sweet words to Luna, Silver, for one of the few times in his life, truly hated himself. He loathed his actions, regardless of how small they may have been, and not just because he betrayed his own values, but because he broke their trust.
And for him, the act was near unforgivable. To Silver, loyalty had always been a painfully simple concept, which is why he despised those who were unfaithful. Sure, he chased tail in his younger days, but he would never let it be said that he would two-time some poor girl. And yet here he was, trying to make amends for cheating.
And that tore the hole in his heart a little deeper.
In comparison, Silver honestly wasn't sure which hurt more. He'd reached this conclusion on occasion since he started playing his game, but his pain wasn't the focus right now, was it?
No, it was the mare's lying atop of him, sniffling as tears still streamed down her cheeks; it was her pain that mattered. The heartbreak he caused her.
The shouting had ended roughly ten minutes ago, and after, she laid there while she wailed, her voice seemingly bouncing off the empty night sky and fall back down on them. Not all of it was because of him, but he certainly had his fair share of it.
But with the argument over, and their emotions mostly subdued, they laid there under the stars, in a blanket of moonlight. The paw of the wolf gently rubbed her back and Luna made no move to fight him anymore.
“It's getting late,” the wolf said, “We should head back in. Twilight's waiting for us.”
Luna lifted her head to meet Silvers eyes, “You left her alone?”. Her voice was dry and raspy, almost cracking as she spoke. The wolf couldn't help but stare at her bloodshot eyes, causing his paw to suddenly hold on a little tighter.
“She uh, kinda told me to come after you. She said we should talk about this together. And I know, it was stupid to leave her behind, but she's right.”
Luna let her head fall back into his fur for a moment, “....Yes, she is...” she admitted, “Then we should get back. I'm sure she's worried.”
Silver nodded, “Yeah...”
He laid there for a few seconds longer, gazing down at the mare. His mind recalled the night she and Twilight switched guards, and he had been assigned to her. The night on her balcony, when she slipped under his arms and settled into his chest, it had felt right. Like another piece of the puzzle had fallen into place.
And even with the situation he was in, Silver still couldn't help but feel the same sensation rising in his stomach. Were it not for the current state of affairs, he might have that feeling of completion and comfort.
Or at least, near completion. After all, he was still missing one more mare.
And so, with a tired sigh, Silver turned onto his stomach, careful not to throw off the mare on top of him. Once he was back on all fours, Luna wrapped her hooves around his neck and situated herself before he took off.
He was so accustomed to carrying her before, but now it felt...off. Awkward almost.
He wasn't sure where they stood just yet, although the fact that she was still willing to come back with him was a good sign. She hadn't denied him holding her while she cried either, so maybe there was hope. Maybe they could go back to the happiness they once knew.
A few moments later, they'd found themselves back inside the castle and walking through the halls. Arriving at Silvers door, the wolf entered the home quietly so he didn't disturb Onyx and Ruppy.
Expecting to see a smaller alicorn sitting on the couch waiting, Silver was surprised to find that, for once, no one was. Unfortunately, this also meant Twilight had moved to somewhere else.
Luckily though, a quick check into the bedroom revealed the little lavender mare sitting on the bed. When the door opened, Twilight's head snapped up to see her wolf and mare enter the room.
She sat with her back against the headboard, a pillow clutched tightly to her chest. Even in the darkness of the room with only the dim bedside lamp for light, Silver could still see the tear marks on her cheeks, and the wet spots soaking into the fabric.
“Hey,” he said softly, stepping into the room slowly, “We're back.”
Twilight simply stared at him for a moment, her eyes flicking back and forth between his face and Luna's. She couldn't deny the twinge of happiness that arose when they came in, but that joy was quickly pushed aside as she noticed their still somber expressions.
“That's right...just because they came back doesn't mean everything's fixed.”
Silver could see her mouth quiver for a second before closing and swallowing hard. She took in a deep breathe, held it, then released it before setting the pillow aside and patting the bed.
“Alright, come sit down,” she said softly, “We need to talk about this.”
Silver closed the door behind him and gently moved to the bed to sit down next to Twilight, Luna slipping off and landing in front of her once he took his seat.
For a bit, they sat in silence, none of them really sure what to say. But Twilight wasn't willing to skip this conversation. And so...
“Silver, could you start by explaining things?” she asked, receiving a noticeable wince from him. His eyes came to met the two mares sitting with him, and he let out a long, heavy sigh.
“I guess you both know that Rainbow has, or had, feelings for me already. I'm not sure when she started feeling that way, but I guess it was around the time I went to check up on her after she saw my memories. We never did anything serious, but she did fall asleep on me once before. But I swear, it was only the once and it was because I wanted to make sure she could rest properly!”
Luna had actually cut her eyes at him before letting out a huff of anger. Twilight simply nodded and motioned for him to continue.
Silver sighed once more, “When I woke up from getting hurt, she came to see me. It was after she had already talked to Twilight about how she felt, but--”
“Wait, you both knew?” Luna cut in.
It was Twilights turn to flash her guilt, “Luna, we weren't trying to hide it. We were already together so there wasn't any point--”
“Wasn't any point?” Luna scolded, “How could yo--....” she stopped. Her glare held, this time focused on Twilight. But instead of reprimanding her, she simply mimicked the lavender mares earlier actions. She took a deep breathe, held it, and slowly let it out.
“Continue,” she said.
Silver gulped, “W-when she came, she wanted to clear the air. She told me how she felt, and she....she kissed me.”
“....She kissed him?”
“It was quick, and she said it was the only time she'd do it. She doesn't want to try and join our herd either, and I believe her. Rainbow wouldn't put her own happiness before her friends, and I wouldn't intentionally do anything to hurt either of you. But I do understand if you're both still angry...”
Neither mare said anything. In truth, the story seemed much less scandalous than either had thought. Silver wasn't in control of the situation, and because of that he ended up making a mistake. It happens sometimes.
After a moment of silence, Twilight spoke again, “Silver....what you did was stupid and quite frankly, I'm more disappointed than angry,” her words struck hard in the wolfs heart, making him shrink back, “But....it was just a kiss. And I know you won't let it happen again. So, I forgive you.”
The wolfs eyes lit up for a moment, before he turned to the other mare on the bed, Twilight doing the same.
“Luna?” she asked.
“I...” she began, casting her sights to the wolf. Her eyes showed her hesitation, only causing the wolf to deflate what hope he had just gained.
Luna watched his ears fall, his shoulders drop and his posture slump. His wings slipped a bit from his side and his small, light smile had seemingly vanished, replaced only with a regretful frown.
“He...he really does hate himself, doesn't he? I don't even have to be angry at him, he's plenty upset with himself. But still...that doesn't change what he did...”
In that moment, Luna had a thought. It was one neither of the other two would like, but if she was to forgive him fully, it was something she had to do.
And so, Luna moved closer to Silver, raising a hoof and picking his head up by the chin. Catching the wolf off guard, she leaned forward with her eyes closed.
Silver, for his part, was mostly confused. But as Luna drew closer, all he could think of was the feeling of her lips against his. He craved that sensation once more, and so, he came closer too.
Slowly, they came together, until just before their lips touched.
Suddenly, Luna's horn flashed a bright white as a thread came from it, falling down onto Silvers head. Reality fell away, and the past came to light.
The room was silent, for the most part. Silver sat in his bed, reading something Twilight had brought him. The machines provided a rhythmic background noise that helped fill the room without being distracting.
The spell Luna had used this time was slightly different than the one before. While both allowed her to see a ponies memories, this one didn't place the viewer inside the hosts body, but instead gave them a third pony perspective. It was much easier to cast, and didn't require both parties to be unconscious.
And so, Luna watched the wolf in the bed. His eyes scanned the page of the story he was reading, though when she looked down at the book, she found the pages were a blur.
It was a normal occurrence when flipping though someone's memories. After all, there aren't many who could remember every word of a book they've read, except for maybe Twilight or Star Shine. But really, those two are special cases.
After another page or two, a knock came from the door. Silver paused for a moment, thinking to himself before calling them in.
Sure enough, the cyan pegasus walked in, giving a friendly greeting.
Her steps were soft, and there was a clear nervousness in her voice. She moved over and took a seat next to the bed while Silver marked his page and set the book aside.
And so they began talking. At first, it was just simple pleasantries; Silver wondering how the mare got into Star Shines home, and Rainbow telling him how she was checking up on him. When the small talk ended, it gave way to a bit of an awkward silence.
Rainbow shuffled in her seat once or twice, and Silver just...examined her. He wasn't lying earlier when he said he knew how the pegasus felt for him before she said anything. His apprehensiveness showed quite clearly, and he knew what was coming next.
Suddenly, the shuffling pegasus stopped with a sigh.
“Silver,” she began, “There's, uh....there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about.”
In truth, Luna didn't much care for their words at the moment. She had no interest in what they say, but rather what they do. After all, actions speak louder than words, and she wanted to hear the whole story.
So she waited and watched, drowning out the mare as she poured her heart out. And as the conversation drew on, something had dawned on her.
Silver had been unusually quiet during this ordeal, and she couldn't help but wonder why. After all, the discussion concerned him just as much as it concerned Rainbow, so why so silent? Luna had all of her attention focused on the mare and not the wolf. But just as she went to shift her attention, the pegasus began to move.
It was slow, but she reached up and placed her hooves on the bed, leaned forward, and kissed the wolf.
It was brief, just a peck that lasted a little too long. Harmless, really. At least, that's what Luna had tried to tell herself as she watched it unfold.
But if that were true, then why was Silver sitting there awe-struck, as if he'd been kissed by Cadence herself? As if it were the greatest thing that ever happened to him?
And it was this that Luna was afraid of. It was never that he just kissed another mare.
It was that he liked it.
The only other mare allowed to leave him dazed in a love-smitten stupor aside from herself was Twilight. But this...this harlot decided to act on her emotions and ruin everything! Had she just kept her mouth shut, then all of this could have been avoided!
Rainbow Dash ruined them! Rainbow Dash was just a home-wrecker! Rainbow Dash stole her wolf!
...Her wolf....
...Her...wolf...
“Have I been looking at the wrong one this whole time?”
A quick flash of her horn, and the scene began to rewind. As it began again, her attention was focused on Silver this time, and him alone.
As the conversation picked up again, she noticed something change in him. When the pegasus first spoke, he showed fear. He was terrified of what she was going to say.
...but as she went on, fear became...remorse.
With each word spoken, the heavy guilt in his eyes only increased. Something was cutting him deep, though Luna couldn't figure out what. This was what he wanted wasn't it? He felt the same for Rainbow Dash as she did for him, didn't he? He enjoyed her kiss!
“So why the hell does he look so damn sad?!”
And then it happened again. Rainbow leaned forward, giving him a small kiss. And Luna sat and watched as he was awe-struck by it.
….No...
He...he wasn't awe-struck. There was still that same remorse in his eyes from before. But his face....
Luna studied the contrasting signs, trying to decipher which was the truth. With his lack of words, it was all she could go on to tell what was going through his mind. If he felt so bad, then why was he still sitting there with his mouth open? If he didn't want this, then why does he look so happy? If he really loved them then why would he?....
Luna continued to look at the moment frozen in time, the lips of her wolf locked with the cyan mares. She despised it, but she couldn't tear her eyes away, more specifically from Silver.
There was something there, the answer to her questions staring right back at her, but she couldn't see it. Luna walked closer, looking into his wide open eyes.
...No, not wide open. They were open certainly, but...they were different.
It was then that it hit her. Everything clicked.
That look; she'd seen it before. That woeful glint in the core of his soul, one she'd seen in him more than she would have liked.
Luna finally understood.
She was so soft, her lips so gentle as they brushed against Silvers own. Her touch was light, but entrancing none the less.
Silver studied every detail about her as if it were his first kiss ever, because for him, it could have been the last he'd get from her.
He was no fool. He knew she was digging around in his memories, no doubt looking for his kiss with Rainbow. Part of him wanted to be angry at her for breaking her promise to stay out of his head, but another part of him felt that he owed her this, even is he knew it would only make things worse.
“This is it. Our last moments together as a herd.”
“Dammit, why am I so stupid?.... It wasn't supposed to be like this...It was just a kiss. I could have avoided it! I could have just gone to Dash like I was supposed to and none of this would have happened! I could have done something, anything! Luna wouldn't hate me and Twilight wouldn't be caught in the fallout! But I...I didn't....”
The kiss broke, and Silvers blood ran cold. He didn't even bother opening his eyes, and instead squeezed them shut even tighter. He bit the inside of his lip hard, a small trail of blood leaking from the corner of his mouth.
“I'm sorry....I'm so sorry....”
“I'm....I'm sorry,” a small whisper came. It wasn't Silvers, nor Twilights but came from the one mare who had no reason to apologize.
“Silver, Twilight, this...this whole argument is my fault....” Luna said, her voice wavering, “It was just a kiss, one that Silver didn't even mean to let happen and I....I just....”
Her words stopped as she forced back a sob, but couldn't do the same for her tears. Silvers eyes slowly crept open, as if he'd just had a some life saving miracle occur before him and needed to make sure it all was real.
And in a way, that was what happened. For him at least.
“Luna, what are you?...” He began, unsure of how to even finish that sentence. How? Why!? What the in name of all living creatures made her think that this was some how her fault?!
“Luna?” Twilight tried, placing a hoof on her shoulder.
“It's—I--,” the mare tried, but stopped once more. She took in a shuddering breathe, and let it out in small huffs in an attempt to calm herself as she did before. “I-I was alone for so long. I was s-so unappreciated and unloved before I was sealed away. And even while I was in the moon, I could feel the ponies hearts. Th-they didn't even realize I had disappeared. They never noticed I had become a monster and vanished all in one night. They f-forgot me. I ceased to exist and was replaced with an image of a tyrant! And they grew to hate me! They'd come to despise the Mare in Moon as-as some freak that only wanted power!!
“...But I don't....I don't want it...I hate it... I just want love. I want some pony who will love me unconditionally, to remember me for the mare I am and who will always be by my side no matter what. So w-when you said you kissed Rainbow Dash...I'd thought that maybe you'd grown tired of me....that I'd be replaced again....forgotten and alone...”
Twilight had no words. It was true that she thought it was strange that Luna, the ancient and wise alicorn, would get so angry over a kiss. Sure, Silver slipped up, but to think it was because she was afraid of being alone again...
“Oh Luna...--” Twilight began.
THUMP!
“You will never be alone!” Silver nearly shouted, throwing himself on top of the midnight mare, knocking her onto her back, “I promised you the night we met that I would never let you feel lonely like that again! And I--”
Silver was silenced by a midnight blue hoof on his lips.
“I know,” Luna interrupted, “I went into your memories. I watched when you kissed her.” Her hoof moved up his muzzle and cup his cheek, gently brushing the fur back, “I saw the look in your eyes. At first I'd thought you enjoyed her kiss, but then I realized I'd seen that same look in your eyes before.
“You knew you were hurting her. You knew that she loved you and it tore you apart to have to break her heart. You never wanted any of this to happen, and I'm a fool for thinking otherwise.”
“Y-you're not!” Silver cried, his eyes watering, “You have every right to be angry! You're supposed to hate me! You're not supposed to apologize when you haven't done anything wrong!”
“But I did,” Luna continued, her voice as soft as ever, “I blew this out of proportion and overreacted instead of just trusting and listening to you.”
Silvers tears finally broke free, his legs collapsing and his body falling on top of the mare. He buried his face into her chest, “Why are you like this?” he squeaked out, his voice cracking, “You don't need to say sorry. You didn't do anything...”
“Perhaps, but I feel I need to,” Luna explained, rubbing Silvers head, “This all would have been over so much faster had I just listened to you in the first place.”
The mare could feel him shake and shiver on top of her, “I-I'm sorry...,” he sobbed, “I'm so sorry...I never meant for this to happen...I just...”
“Silver, you silly wolf,” Luna cooed, “Have you not realized that I forgive you?”
She felt his arms wrap and tighten around her waist as his tears soaked her fur. Luna simply leaned down and kissed his head, “There there, we've both mucked this up, haven't we?”
A long, shaky sigh came in response. Surprisingly, it wasn't Luna nor Silver, but rather Twilight.
“Can we please stop playing the blame game?” she begged, “I-I just want us to go back to the way we were before. I just want us to be happy again. It doesn't matter who did what, just that we all move past it.”
Both Silver and Luna looked up to the little lavender mare on the verge of tears. Her hooves shook and quivered, her teeth dug into her lips and her eyes were desperately trying to blink the water away. She tried with all her might to maintain her composure, and she was finally reaching her limit.
It was then that a sudden realization came over the other two herd mates. How it had evaded them this whole time was astounding to them, and left them feeling more than blind and insensitive. Throughout this entire endeavor, Twilight was the only one who remained calm and collected. She was the one who sent Silver to bring Luna back, and she was the one who insisted on talking things out. Even now, she was trying to get them to stop blaming themselves and simply move past this.
Well no more.
Silver rose and wiped away his tears. Moving closer to the lavender mare, he slipped his paws around her waist and pulled her close.
Twilight went stiff for a moment, but soon relaxed in his embrace. She couldn't help but relish in the contact. Sure, she had hundreds of hugs from him before, but every time it felt new, like it was the first one she'd gotten from him. It was gentle, yet firm. Warm not just in body, but in heart as well. She felt her tension drain and the walls she'd built slowly crumbled.
“Thank you,” he said softly, “I didn't even realize it until now. You've been trying so hard to keep it together. Not just our herd, but yourself as well. I honestly don't know how you managed to keep yourself under control like this, but I don't think things would have been this easy if it weren't for you.”
Silver could feel her body shake once more. Her breathes became heaves of air as she tried to remain calm, “Easy?” she almost laughed, “This has been anything but easy.”
A small giggle came from behind her, “It's okay,” Luna, wrapping her own hooves around Twilights waist as well, pressing her chest into the smaller mares back, “You can let it out now. We're not going anywhere. You don't have to hold it in anymore.”
And with that, the dam broke. Twilight squeezed Silver as hard as she could as her tears ran free now. She didn't speak, nor shout, nor flail. She just cried.
“Shhh,” Luna cooed,“You've been such a strong mare for us. Now you can rest.” She slowly let her hooves fall and nodded to Silver to lay down.
Gently, he lowered himself onto his side, Twilight still latched firmly onto his chest crying. When he was finally laying down, Luna took her spot once more behind the mare.
And so they laid there, waiting for the smallest of them to collect herself. After about thirty minuets, Twilight had quieted to where she only sniffled on occasion.
For a little while, they laid there in silence. Not much else needed to be said. What's done was done, and in the end, they were still together.