//------------------------------// // Pygmy & Apollo // Story: Crime Pays // by chillbook1 //------------------------------// “If you embarrass me in there, I will shoot you.” “How will I know if I’m embarrassing you?” “You’ll have a bullet in your head, for one.” “I’ll just stay quiet, then.” I parked the van just outside of the library, right next to the pickup truck I had acquired from the late sheriff. Dash had been using it as her method of transport since leaving Appleloosa. I was half hoping that she would have gotten bored and left by now. Unfortunately, she seemed ready to wait as long as required. “Good plan,” I said. “Get out.” “You know, you don’t have to be so rude about it,” said Lyra. “Believe it or not, I don’t actually want you mad at me. I sorta like being alive right now.” “Get out of my van.” Lyra sighed, but stepped out of the van anyway. I followed her out, then gestured for the door. We walked, the silence almost comically awkward. I almost didn’t pay attention to her. I was more concerned with Dash at the moment. I wondered what she wanted. When she spoke, she sounded urgent. I was praying that it wasn’t another problem. I’ve had enough of those for a lifetime. It didn’t take long for us to find Dash, sitting near the back of the library with her back to the door. The girl was nowhere to find, probably on account of the blunt in Dash’s hand. Her feet were kicked up on the table and she was leaning back in her chair. When she heard our footsteps, she dropped her chair down and lowered her feet. “It’s about fucking time. Look, we need to talk.” She spun in her chair, her eyes darting from me to Lyra. “Uh… The fuck is this?” “I was going to ask the same thing, sweetheart,” scoffed Lyra. “Alright, follow-up question; Who the fuck are you calling sweetheart?” “You remember what I said would happen if you embarrassed me?” I asked, very much so rhetoric in my questioning. “Well, you’re embarrassing me.” “Sorry, Boss,” they both said, nearly simultaneously. I shook my head, then went about the introductions. “Apollo, this is Lyra,” I sighed. “Lyra, Apollo.” Lyra raised an eyebrow, taking a good long look at Dash. “You sure about that?” asked Lyra. “Cause, last I checked, Moonie didn’t look like that.” “Oh, for Christ’s sake… This is the new Apollo. Her name is Dash.” I decided that there was probably no harm in using Dash’s name, since Lyra probably wasn’t in a hurry to piss me off. “And Dash, Lyra is… was… Pygmy.” “Like from OG Mythos?” asked Dash. “The one who got locked up and then fucked up everything?” “First of all, I got locked up to save the Boss, and, by extension, create the job you’re currently enjoying,” said Lyra. “So, really, you should be thanking me. Secondly, I didn’t fuck up anything. Don’t talk about shit you don’t know about.” “Why are you here, exactly?” asked Dash. “I don’t recall asking to speak to you.” “Because me and Twilight have business together, hoodrat.” “She’s here because the last time I left her alone, she ruined my entire life,” I snarled. “And Lyra, if we need to go outside and have a little chat, I have a few choice words for you right now. Same goes for you, Ms. Dash.” Silence fell immediately, which was a beautiful sound at the moment. I let out a long, tired sigh, then pointed to a chair across from Dash. Lyra nodded, then took a seat. I took out my revolver, then turned it over in my hands. “We’re going to play a game,” I said. “And that game is called ‘shut the hell up until Medusa tells you to speak’. Does anyone need to hear the rules?” No one answered. “Good. Dash. Speak.” “Look, I’m just gonna cut to the chase,” said Dash. “I want my money. When can I expect to be paid?” “Jesus… Is that what you called me out here for?” I groaned. “Look, our haul is somewhere around two hundred million dollars, and we just finished the job the other day. Give Regal a chance to get the money together at least, let alone launder it. You’re gonna have to sit tight.” “What fucking job…?” Lyra seemed to catch herself before she finished. She raised her hand, like a student in class. I rolled my eyes, but called on her anyway. “Sorry. What fucking job did you guys do for two hundred mil? That’s bigger than anything the real Mythos pulled.” “The real Mythos?” asked Dash, clenching her fists. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?” “It means that you’re nothing but a back-up. A replacement. A spare part.” Lyra snorted, which was a sure sign that she was getting annoyed. “Oh, I’m sure you were a fine spare part, but you’re still just a spare part. Any Mythos crew that employs people like you must be an off-brand.” “People like me?” “Ghetto pothead druggie hoodrats, yeah. People like you. People who only care about money and their next hit.” As if to spite Lyra, Scootaloo ran into the library. She was dripping from head to toe, shivering from the cold. As soon as Dash saw her, her demeanor softened slightly. Not enough to back down from Lyra, but enough to worry about the girl. “What happened to you?” asked Dash. “It started raining. Hard,” said Scootaloo, in between her teeth chatters. She turned to me and Lyra. “Hi, Twilight. Who’s this?” “This is a jackass,” said Dash. “She’s the reason we’re in this shitty position.” “This your daughter?” asked Lyra. “Sister,” said the girl. “My name’s Scootaloo. Who are you?” “Lyra. Nice to meet you.” “I’m gonna go clock up the heat, it’s getting chilly in here,” said Dash, setting down her weed. “Don’t fuck off anywhere.” Dash stood up and, shooting Lyra an annoyed glare the whole time, left the room to adjust the thermostat. As soon as she was done, Lyra grabbed the blunt and took a drag. “Didn’t know she had a kid,” muttered Lyra. “Kinda feel bad now.” “Then apologize,” I said. “I only kinda feel bad. How long has she worked for you?” “Long enough that she's justified in feeling disrespected when you call her Moondancer Lite. Stop antagonizing her.” “Sorry, Boss. She just rubbed me wrong,” said Lyra. “Anyway, I can see why you hired her, but you gave her the wrong mask.” “What do you mean?” I asked, pulling up my own seat. Lyra looked at me as if I had spit up on myself. “Well, she's me. She's just like me,” said Lyra. “Loud, brash, hot-headed. Cusses like a sailor and, lemme guess, her first plan for every heist is to kick in the front door.” Lyra correctly interpreted my silence as confirmation. “Just like I said, you hired me twice. Might as well have given her the Crane.” “She preferred the Griffon. And you and Dash are nothing alike.” “C’mon, Boss. Name one way Dash and I are different.” “Dash is loyal,” I said, watching with grim amusement as Lyra’s face paled yet again. Just then, the heater whirred to life. Dash returned a short moment later, her eyebrow raised in utter annoyance. “So you're gonna talk shit about me being a dope head menace and then you're gonna steal my weed?” asked Dash, shaking her head. “Un-fucking-believable.” “What can I say? I'm a huge hypocrite,” said Lyra, offering the joint. “And I'm a devout member of the church of ‘puff-puff pass’.” Lyra leaned forward in her chair, occasionally glancing at Scootaloo. “Look, my bad about earlier. I didn’t realize… Well, whatever. Sorry, is what I'm trying to say.” “Hey, it takes more than that to hurt my feelings.” Dash took her weed back and dropped into her chair. “So… What now?” By far, that was the most difficult question I'd ever been asked. What next for the Mythos Crew? We had essentially done it all. I always liked moving up in my profession. How do you get more up than the Elements of Harmony? “For now… we wait,” I said. “Celestia still needs to pay us, and I’m expecting a package in the coming week from Lyra. Until then… We sit tight. I suppose we could heist, but there’s not much point. We’ll never pull that kind of scratch again.” “Seriously, what the hell did you guys steal?” asked Lyra. “$200 million isn’t something you pull in one job.” “We lifted the Elements of Harmony,” said Dash. Lyra’s jaw just about hit the floor. “Alright, I take back everything I said about you being a replacement,” said Lyra. “You stole the Elements! That makes you a fucking legend! Jesus Christ, the Elements of Harmony!” “What? Is it really that big of a deal?” Lyra and I turned to glare at Dash in perfect unison. “Are you crazy?!” we said together. If Lyra hadn’t stabbed me in the back, I might’ve laughed about it. “That’s gotta be the heist of the century!” said Lyra. “God damn, I wish I could’ve been a part of that!” “Yeah, like I would let you participate in that after the bullshit you pulled,” I said. “You’re lucky to be here. Don’t get greedy.” “Come on, Boss, I told you. I never wanted to get on your bad side. If it was up to me, I’d still be in jail, waiting for you to come get me.” “Yeah, sure. If you say so. In any case, Dash, you’d do well to sit tight and wait for your check,” I said. “There’s no heist that’ll be a step up from the Elements, and we’ll never need another cent.” “Uh… Wait a second, stop,” said Lyra, standing up suddenly. “That sounds like retirement. No, no, no, you can’t retire. There’s still things to steal.” “It took me somewhere around thirty years, but I finally peaked. We can’t beat the Elements. Nothing is worth more.” Lyra hummed in thought, pacing as she did. I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t understand why she was so determined. It’s not like she’d be in on the heist, anyway. I trusted her about as far as I could throw her. “Hm… What if there is something more valuable than the Elements?” asked Lyra. “What if it’s worth more than just money?” “There’s nothing worth more than money,” scoffed Dash. “Say, hypothetically, I shot that little rugrat of yours.” Lyra pointed suddenly at Scootaloo, who had been forgotten in the flow of the grown-up’s conversation. “How much money would it take for you to stop being pissed?” “Fuck you.” “My point exactly,” said Lyra. “But what if? What if we could steal something valuable, not in the sense of worth, but in the sense of what it means?” “So we’re stealing children now?” I asked. “No! Of course not, you can put a price tag on children. If I needed to, I could sell a child,” said Lyra. “I’m talking about something so valuable that it’s impossible to sell.” “You’re just talking hypotheticals,” I said. I pulled out a cigarette and began to smoke. “First of all, there’s nothing that can’t be sold. You said it yourself, we could pull a profit off of living people if we needed. Second of all, there is no ‘we’. If we were to do another heist, you sure as hell wouldn’t be invited.” “Come on, Boss, why not?” asked Lyra. I glared at her, which deflated her slightly. “After all I’ve told you, you still don’t trust me?” “You’ve betrayed me once. That’s not something I’ll forget anytime soon.” “Then let me re-earn your trust. What better way to do that than with a heist? That’s how you got me to join Mythos in the first place, you made me rob the liquor store. To prove I could be trusted.” I’m sure Lyra knew what she was doing, bringing up the liquor store. She had done the same thing earlier, talking about how she helped to make my mask. I wasn’t normally a very sentimental person, but I was very proud of my Crew. Of course I had some fond memories of it, and of course those memories would influence my judgement. On top of that, she was offering me a job that was right up my alley. I’ve always said I was a thief for more than just money. So, just like before, I considered Lyra’s point for far more than I probably should have. “If there’s no money involved,” I said, tapping some of the ash out of my cigarette. “Then why are you so interested?” “I miss you, Twi. I miss the Crew. I miss Medusa,” said Lyra. “Well, I miss being on the right end of Medusa’s gun, anyway.” I flicked my cigarette away angrily. She had done it again. I really should have shot her when I had the chance. “Fine. What’s the job?” I could see Lyra’s eyes light up, and that trademark, devious grin of hers crept onto her face. “Perfect! I knew you’d see sense,” said Lyra. “So, my plan is to immortalize the Mythos Crew. To make sure history remembers us as the best damn thieves to ever live.” “This job better live up to the hype,” murmured Dash. “I agree,” I said. “Oh, you two are no fun,” sighed Lyra. “This is monumental! My plan is to steal… The Equestrian Crown.” I don’t think there’s a combination of letters to make words that properly capture all the emotions I felt just then. My stomach folded, but not in a bad way. I felt like lightning was coursing through my veins. Despite my intense efforts, I think I may have even cracked a smile. What Lyra was proposing… It was total lunacy. Absolute insanity. Only an idiot would dream it up, and only a maniac would attempt it. “Alright, then,” I said. “Let’s get to planning.”