//------------------------------// // The Inevitable (Morpheus) Part 1 // Story: dC/dt ≠ 0 // by I Thought I Was Toast //------------------------------// Changing Time’s Notes: I would like to say something about this report, but I cannot think of the words to describe my thoughts on it. It was not at all what I expected after Twilight’s report on the Everfree Hive, and it strikes me as almost mundane in comparison. Yet I feel like this report expresses my hope for integration far better than most of the others. I read it, and I can’t help but smile. The Inevitable: A Report by Prince Morpheus of House Sycadia Upon return, our rest was fraught with simulations on how the Hive might react to the information given to me at the Everfree Hive. A lot of lings were not going to be happy about the potential ban of love poison, and—based on Ichorous’ memories and my own recent experiences—ve were fretting over the unknown dangers of filters. Ve hadn’t reported my concerns yet, but ve only had so much time ve could afford to ponder things on our own. Ve were determined, however, to have just one day to ourself to puzzle out what to do. The rest of the universe, however, was even more determined to toss yet more trouble my way. Very, very, vividly pink-colored trouble that likes sunshine and ladybugs. I thank the hive things turned out as well as they did. After all, Mother could have decided to visit the same day. Although, for all ve know she did. It would be just like her to watch me squirm from the shadows My haws flicked open as I blinked the sleep from my eyes. Rest had not come easy last night, and my heart was filled with a cavernous void that hadn’t been there the night before as my stomach gurgled with an unnatural ferocity to match. Blearily, ve tried to make sense of the reports that had flooded in during the night. Foreign affairs were the same. The minotaurs were still arming themselves, but ve didn’t know why, and ve honestly didn’t care. On the Equestrian front, the dance of lords continued. A quarter of my infiltrators trailed other infiltrators. A quarter moved in obvious ways, making tempting lures to catch opposing spies I wasn’t aware of. A quarter attempted to mislead those I knew tracked my actions. And a quarter actually acted to forward my interests. The only oddity of note was that Spi desired to leave Canterlot and have a private rendezvous with me in Sugarcube Corner. He was very vague on the details, but assured me it was news better given in the chitin. That worried me, but I trusted Spi to tell me immediately if it was something truly serious. He was my head of intelligence, after all. The home front was business as usual, too. Most of my agents in the other houses reported nothing new. There were the usual secret meetings and politics, and, while the ‘untimely’ death of the head of House Flynn was news to me, the analysts and us had predicted most of yesterday’s more petty power plays several days ago. What was completely unexpected was the report that Webber and Hera had gone missing since I’d been to Fluttershy’s. Analyzing the report, it seemed their peers had been—I sighed—afraid of my reaction. My infiltrators back at the Hive had only found out because the other Lords were ecstatic at the news. My heads of analysis and security were nowhere to be found, after all. That made me vulnerable. The only good news was all the other Lords were trying to figure out who was behind it. It seemed none of them had done anything, but that left the question of where Webber and Hera actually were. Moving to the writing desk, I scribbled out some orders on a piece of parchment – mostly telling my agents to continue what they’re doing. Ve committed the image to memory, and ve partitioned it into several smaller images. Scrambling those images, ve sent them off to their designated targets. I rose, burning the parchment and cracking several plates across my body. I groaned in relief at the release, and ve idly wondered if I could risk a trip to the spa. Actually… yeah, that sounded really great. Maybe Twilight want to come? We could make it a girls day out with a little shapeshifting. Heading to the library, I eventually caught a whiff of lavender and lilies in the library—a clue to navigate the still somewhat labyrinthine castle. It was centered in a pile of open books on memory spells, and almost drowned in the scent of ink and parchment. Twilight had clearly been busy last night. She had to have spent the night here, though, because her scent was strong enough to tell me she’d only left recently. Following the trail, I eventually ended up at the entrance hall. Several trails—strong and weak—converged here from her various comings and goings. The air was heavy with the scent of her friends, and there was the general taste of pony in the air. On a whim, I put on my Wicked Smooth guise and pushed my way outside. I thrummed, letting the sun warm my chitin momentarily. There was an abundance of emotion in the air outside today, and I savored it. It was a thick soup of roses and honey-dipped steel with a glass of sour milk and a side of homemade cookies—not perfect, but still enjoyable. As I turned to go back inside, I noticed the mailbox was full, and ve paused, debating the pros and cons of grabbing what was there. Eh, screw it. I snorted and grabbed the mail, trotting back inside. A lot of it had stockpiled over the past couple days, and it would bug us if I left it there. I returned to following Twilight’s most recent trail and shifted through the mail to organize it via importance. Bill. Bill. A letter from Shining and Cadance. An ad for insurance saying ninety-five percent of household deaths happened in the kitchen. Another bill. A Cosmarepolitan whose main article was on keeping the kitchen stallion-free. Another Hive-forsaken bill. At least twenty fan letters from foals—half of which were in crayon. A very pink and glittery invitation to a Pinkie party. And a copy of this week’s bogus horoscopes telling me to avoid the kitchen at all costs. Putting the important stuff to the side, I looked up to see I had just walked into the dining room. My target was at the table, mulling over a cup of coffee. “Morning, Twilight. I was wondering if you wanted to—" There was an enormous spit take as she jumped from her seat. Pushing me towards the door, she grabbed the mail, teleported it away, and hissed in my ear. “Out! Out! Didn’t Castle tell you what’s going on like I asked?! Cadance and my brother are here! Get out while you still have time! They’re in the kitchen right now making pancakes, and I—" “Twily, do you want chocolate chips or…” As her brother opened the door, Twilight meeped, trying to give me one last push out the door. She failed miserably, and silence reigned for a few seconds before Shining ventured to continue. “...Spike did hint that you had a coltfriend, but it didn’t sound like things were physical.” His emotions were like a bubbling lake of melted iron held back by a steel dam. That was… good. He was determined to hold back his overprotective side, and that gave us time to explain. Twilight, unfortunately, could not hide her blush like I was doing, and I could see the heat creeping up her neck. “I— We— He— It’s not like that! I was just getting him out of here, so you and Cadance wouldn’t draw the wrong conclusion!” Shining frowned, and I smiled sheepishly. Externally, at least. Internally,I was grinning broadly. That was an excellent quarter truth on Twilight’s part—even if she could have phrased it slightly better. As it was, she had left it open for her brother to— “Twi, you don’t need to worry about that. Cadance would kill me if I scared your coltfriend away.” That. It left interpretation open to that. For somepony determined to convince ponies we weren’t involved, she did a very poor job. “Mrhmfff...” Twilight couldn’t speak through the rubber cork of her own embarrassment. She clearly wasn’t ready for having this conversation again, and ve could understand why. Stepping forward, I interjected myself into the conversation. “Ah, you’ll have to excuse my master—" Shining’s eyebrow arched "—but everypony seems to be jumping to the conclusion that we’re together lately. I am, in fact, merely another student of sorts.” Her brother’s eyebrow remained arched for a few seconds. “Is that so?” Finally, he broke into chuckles, emotions evening out. “I can see how that would stress little Twily.” He held his hoof out, and I shook it making sure to excrete a bit of tracer silk onto him. “Well, I suppose I don’t need to worry about you breaking her heart then, mister…?” “Wicked. Wicked Smooth.” I supplied. The captain’s eyebrow arched again as he smiled. “Really? I can’t say that helps convince me of your innocence.” “Mrhmff… Shining…” Twilight whined in response. I laughed—carefully avoiding my normal cackle. “I may have a talent with words, but I’m not that kind of sweet talker.” “I’ll take your word for it. I’m Shining, Shining Armor.” He let go of my hoof, turning back to Twilight. “So, chocolate chips or blueberries?” “Hmmm…” Twilight’s face was still flush, and her tail twitched back and forth, but she was trying. “Both?” “Told you!” A beacon of love walked out of the kitchen, and my heart stopped. Clutching my chest I tried not to die at the sight of a proper goddess. “Pancakes are ready!” Blueberry and chocolate chip pancakes—the food of the gods. Rushing to the table, I managed to avoid prostrating myself before the literal goddess in the room. Even then, the urge to do so was high with the amount of love Cadance was emitting, and I had to bite my chops not to. Mother had said Equestria could feed us indefinitely, but to see the how and why in pony was overwhelming. Before me was love itself, and ve marveled at the taste. It was pure untainted honey rushing forth from infinity. It spread fast, and diluted quickly, but that was to be expected—most of it being a glimpse into the love of other ponies. And that wasn’t even counting her love for Shining—like a rain of soft rose petals and honey drops. “Somepony is hungry!” The goddess— I mean, the supreme being— I mean— No! Filters clamped down. Ve were not going to get swept up in this like I did with Father Arachne. She was Cadance. Cadance grinned. “Good thing I was prepared for this!” As everypony else sat, she set the plates she had on the table. Four plates. One for each of us. “You were expecting me?” My ears wilted slightly. “Hoping.” Cadance shrugged. “Twilight hasn’t shown interest in anypony since Flash.” Twilight—who was eating with the voraciousness of Pinkie Pie—stopped to choke on her food. “Honey.” Shining coughed. “They aren’t together. He’s just another student.” “Oh…” The Princess of Love’s ears—perky, and twitching with repressed energy—fell flat. Her eyes took on the faint sparkle of almost-tears, and her lower lip protruded in a pout. It was like seeing somepony buck the god of puppies, and I opened my mouth without thinking. “I suppose I could always court your sister, with your express permission, of course.” “W-what?!” Twilight, having just regained her windpipe to take another sip, did another spit take. I shrugged. “Ponies seem to want it, and I honestly don’t think it’ll go anywhere. If we go in agreeing on that, then we can avoid the awkward inevitable break up. We might as well give everypony a show.” Twilight blinked. “That’s… That’s brilliant! Why didn’t I ever think of a fake coltfriend to get Rarity off my back?! I could kiss you right now!” “Honey?” Shining looked to his wife. “Yes?” She seemed to be grimacing and smiling all at the same time. “Should I be worried?” He nodded toward Twilight and me as his sister gushed over all the pros that might come from a fake relationship with me. “I don’t know, Shining.” Her ears were twitching violently. “I’m not sure I’ve ever heard something more jaded, but it can always blossom into something more.” “I hope not.” Twilight frowned. “That’d make teaching Wicked all the benefits of friendship much more complicated.” I sighed as Shining sputtered and Cadance raised an eyebrow. “Not those kinds of benefits. “What?” Twilight tilted her head for a second. “Oh… Oh!” Her blush returned. “Yeah… not those kinds of benefits....” “Anyways…” I gladly changed the subject to something less uncomfortable—like my trip to the spa. “Snow Flurry was here earlier, Twilight. She wanted to go to the spa with you today.” “Snow Flurry?” Twilight scrunched her muzzle. “You know,” I gestured broadly, “Snow Flurry, your razzmatazz—" Shining mouthed the word razzmatazz to Cadance, who shrugged. "—pegasus friend with the snow cone cutie mark?” “Oh!” She finally caught on that it was my other disguise. “Yeah, I think I can do that. What are your plans for the day then?” I grinned at her words. She was learning. Now I could excuse Wicked Smooth without raising suspicion. “Oh, I’m going to Canterlot for some errands. Not sure I’ll make it back by the end of the day.” “Oh….” Cadance stretched in her seat. “The spa sounds lovely right now. It’s been nothing but meetings for me all week long. Can I come?” Twilight smiled sheepishly at me, scratching the back her head. “Did Flurry have any preferences about guests?” She put a little too much emphasis on ‘Flurry’, but it was otherwise perfect with her twist of the truth. Ve sighed, all too aware that one did not snub royalty. “She said you could bring Rarity, so I assume any and all friends are welcome.” “Great!” Twilight stuffed the last of her pancakes down her gullet, and a satisfied growl hummed its way from her throat. “I’ll go get ready then.” Jumping up, she dashed from the room. Upon her exit, it instantly got chillier. I didn’t know if it was my dread or that of the couple across from me, but I didn’t like the looks they were giving me. “So… about you dating my sister….” Shining began. I felt it appropriate to shift up some overactive sweat glands. “Oh… umm… yeah… that…  I really must stress that I really have no interest in any form of intimate relationship with her.” “That’s exactly the problem.” Cadance rubbed her hoof along the bridge of her muzzle. “It is?” Shining and I both looked at her, heads tilted. Cadance sighed. “I’m the Princess of Love, sweetie. I know how these things work, and I know Twilight is destined for a very nice slow romance—the kind where two long time friends wake up one day to want something more.” She flailed an arm dramatically. “What you two are about to do?! One of the worst possible scenarios. When one of you decides they want something more, this ‘fake’ relationship will rear its ugly head.” I smiled sheepishly. “We don’t have to—" “Too late!” Cadance flared her wings. “Twilight thinks it’s a great idea, so now—" She grinned a very predatory grin. "—now Shining and I will have to train you to be perfect coltfriend material.” I gulped, nearly drowning in sweat. “I— I— I could just help you find somepony else?” “No, no, no.” Cadance tutted. “I can see that Twilight already likes you. One day, someday, she will like like you—" Shining snorted. "—and she will panic because the relationship is supposed to be fake, but you will be there for her.” I gulped again, our mind exploding through the many paths of probability. Most ended as Cadance foretold. In one small slip of the tongue, I had trapped myself on a very slippery slope. “Oh, no…. You’re absolutely right, and I’ve made a horrible mistake. I can’t date Twilight.” I began to hyperventilate. Shining glared. “I swear… if you break her heart, I’ll—" “Shining don’t frighten him more.” Cadance shushed him with a gentle wing to his face. “We need to open him up to the idea, not fill him with doubts.” She lowered her head to look in my eyes. “Why can’t you date Twilight, Wicked?” My heart stopped, and it wasn’t because of too much love. “Umm… it’s complicated.” “Try me.” She smiled. I chewed my tongue, thinking up a suitable excuse. “I’m her student, and—" Cadance huffed. “Oh please, don’t give me that. You’re already her friend, after all.” I sat saying nothing, and she took it as permission to guess. “Another mare?” Her eyebrow arched the smallest of inches. I coughed. “You could say that.” The eyebrow rose further. “Another stallion?” I rolled my eyes. “Not really.” She frowned. “Then what?” Ve sighed. Things were getting dangerously close to lying territory. “My family…. My mother specifically.” I flinched as Cadance set a hoof on my cheek. “Oh, honey… you should know Twilight won’t care that you aren’t a noble.” I grimaced. “I’m more worried that there will be a commotion about me being a lord.” Shining blinked. “You’re a lord? You certainly don’t act like most of the Canterlot nobles. Are you from another province?” Horseapples and bugbits. Just keep implying things, they’ll fill in the rest. “My family isn’t from Equestria.” “Ah.” Shining’s brow furrowed. “You’re worried about the politics of the thing. Twilight won’t give a flying feather about the politics.” “Oh, she might if it’s me….” I forced a laugh. “Don’t worry.” Cadance patted me with a wing. “We just want Twilight to be happy, and we’ll do everything we can to make everything work out. That might include coltfriend lessons with Shining here, but I’m sure you can manage.” She sighed. “If only we could start today….” “Wait!” She perked back up. “We can start today! Shining can walk you to the train!” “He can, can’t he.” I wondered if forcing a grin too far would decapitate me. Now I would need to buy a ticket and jump the train. That wasn’t that big an issue, though. No, the real issue was much more simple. Somewhere, somewhen, Shining and Cadance would find out the truth, and, when they did, I was going to die a very painful death.