Twilight Sparkle allowed herself a glow of pride as a pegasus guard escorted her into Her Radiant Majesty's private chambers. Princess Celestia must have had so much to do in the wake of the changeling attack. Yet she had taken time to invite her most faithful student for afternoon tea. Twilight had cherished that privilege in the time she had lived in Canterlot Castle. To think that Celestia would give her such attention when she obviously had much more important matters to attend with. Twilight had vowed with each visit that she never, ever fail her sovereign.
Celestia's inner sanctum was more subdued than one might expect of the Sun-Mare. Twilight had wondered about that while under her tutelage. After the defeat of Night Mare Moon, Twilight had an inkling of why the princess' apartments were in subdued violets and blues. A thousand years was a long time to wait for a beloved, angry sibling to return. The only bright colour was the golden bolster at the head of pillow-couch where Celestia sat. A plum pillow was at its foot. The tea service was set. Twilight sat down with her beloved ruler and teacher.
By one of Celestia's hooves was one of the parchment scrolls which bore Spike's messages.
--don't be foalish, this wasn't a sign that she had done anything wrong--
"My most faithful student," the Princess said, her ethereal mane waving as if in a breeze, "you have grown so much since I sent you to Ponyville."
"I've learned a lot," Twilight said, horn lighting up to pour a cup for the Princess. "I don't know if I'll ever finish my studies of the magic of friendship."
"It takes a lifetime," Celestia said. "Even I have never finished my own studies."
"Don't be silly, you must know everything." Twilight choked on a mouthful of tea. "Aheh. Not that I'm contradicting you. I'd never do that."
"At heart, Twilight, I am a pony like any other." Celestia coughed delicately into one wing. "And as a pony, I understand when fillies become mares. They might become involved in advanced studies of friendship."
Twilight had to be wrong. It looked at if Celestia glanced at the scroll with disquiet.
Oh, no! Spike has sent a secret report and somehow, some way, Twilight had been a bad pony!
"Very advanced." Was Celestia-- She was blushing. "Experiments."
"Experiments?" Twilight gasped. "Oh! Sorry, your highness. You're talking about sex. I know all about that."
"You do." Celestia smiled faintly. A tiny, aristocratic drop of sweat appeared below her tiara.
"Sure. Health class was a mandated subject in school." Twilight frowned. "Although the teacher assigned talked about blossoming flowers and bees. I had to do extensive research on my own to find out anything useful."
"Was it practical in nature?" Celestia asked.
"Well, practical meant dating, which was such a waste of time," Twilight continued. "I was thinking of using the Want It Need It spell to skip right over that part. But it felt like cheating, so I stayed with the theoretical."
"Like this?" Celestia edged the scroll over to Twilight. "Perhaps young Spike found your research notes by accident."
Twilight opened the scroll.
Um.
She narrowed her eyes. That wasn't right at all. By instinct, Twilight's magic reached for parchment and quill. The nib scribbled equations and anatomical diagrams. Half-hidden under the bolster was a small book with a plain brown cover. Ah! Twilight had read that one: Harlequin's Helpful Hints on Horseplay and Harlotry. Getting access to that section of the Canterlot Castle library hadn't been easy; it had taken a teensy fudge of the facts to explain that Celestia wanted her personal student to study biology to budge the librarians. For some reason this copy had a small red bow stuck to the spine. Twilight tossed it aside as she flipped to Exercise 37, Plates 6A-7C (In Colour).
How silly! Celestia wouldn't lower herself to talking about mating with Twilight. This was clearly a cover for a far more disturbing situation. Quills blurred while Twilight furiously worked out her proof in detail. Complete with diagrams, of course. A task set before her by Celestia couldn't be done without meticulous, perfect work. Proudly, Twilight laid out her analysis out before Princess Celestia.
"You must have spotted it yourself, your highness," Twilight said. "We may have a spy."
"A spy?"
"Sure. Look at this." Twilight summoned a wooden pointer. "See? What Spike described is impossible for an equiniform."
"A relief to us all," Celestia said.
"Yeah, a pony would need a full tea set, five spoons, a strainer ball, and an oven mitt along with the tea cozy."
"And you provided detailed illustrations," Celestia said, gaze flicking over same.
"To pull of this," Twilight said, tapping at Spike's message, "you'd have to be--um, I think the closest would be a minotaur. Spike didn't mention anyone exotic, so that means whoever described it looked like a pony."
"I see." A stern expression drifted over Celestia's features. "Twilight, I charge you with investigating this situation."
"I won't fail you!" Twilight said. "Should I take along some of the Royal Guard?"
"It would not do to be hasty." Celestia inclined her head to her subject. "Twilight, have I ever told you that among all I have known for my long life, you are among the most unique minds I have ever encountered?"
"I don't know what to say." Twilight blushed.
"Oh yes. So very...singular...indeed."
++++
Nigh-immortal alicorn rulers have unusual entries in their appointment books.
Such as "Expected Apocalypses."
A quill hovered over "Twilight Sparkle Discovers Mating" and scratched it out.
Phew.
++++
The locomotive's whistle blew as it pulled out of Canterlot Station. Twilight closed the door of the private cabin she had taken for the trip to Ponyville. It was a luxury that usually she would only have used for a long overnight trip. She wanted the privacy, though. And, of course, it was the Princess' bits that was paying for it. All on official business, of course.
Twilight spread out the reports Spike had sent to the Princess after she had asked where he had heard about the Tea Cozy Technique. Huh. Well, it couldn't be a changeling missed by Shining Armor and Cadence's banishment spell. As Twilight knew all too well, changelings were scarily-good mimics. Clumsy, obvious foreign accent, stories about heroes who weren't part of Germane folklore: not what a spy would do to fit in. She hadn't had the smoothest approach if this "mare" were trying to sneak out information on transdimensional harmonics and aetheric manifold transforms.
What the hay? Twilight re-read that. That was advanced. Extremely advanced. It was at the gleaming tip of unicorn magical theory. Actually, it was the subject of a dissertation Twilight had been plugging away at for years, and she really really had to meet this mare. Darn it, no! Focus! This was a huge clue! Maybe not a spy. Maybe it was a refugee from somewhere else--inside, Little Twilight was backflipping in glee at the idea--who had cast a transformative spell to appear like a pony. Or it might be a glamour.
She couldn't assume this mare-whatever was a threat. She might need their help, instead. That changed everything. Should she tell the other girls? It was a huge secret. This mare might be ashamed of the situation. Twilight steepled her hooves. No. This needed finesses. This needed delicacy. This needed a light diplomatic touch.
Her cabin door slid open.
"The last cream-cheese-icing-and-hot-sauce cupcake," said Pinkie Pie, still dealing with cake overload, "was my doom-- Ooo! Someone new in Ponyville! Let me get my party cannon! Woo hoo!"
This was doomed before it started, wasn't it?
++++
"Lodging won't be a problem," the Mayor said. "We're always glad when somepony wants to settle here. For a day or for life, it doesn't matter."
"Again, I have no money," Agatha said. "I don't even have a job."
"We have a few tents the town uses," Mayor Mare said, "for festivals. I'll have one of our smaller ones set up in the park."
The tan-coated older pony turned to talk with a functionary while Agatha finished nailing her notice for piano lessons--"piano must be supplied"--on a public notice board at Ponyville's rathaus. The town hall was impressive for a small community: a three-storey tower with the air of an estate's garden gazebo. It was of a piece with the whimsy of this world. Sitting down on the circular balcony, Agatha munched a golden delicious from Sweet Apple Acres as she watched the ponies at their business.
She could live here.
It was a terrible thought. It was a betrayal of everyone at home. She wouldn't stop searching until she were sure--absolutely sure--there was no way back. But she could live here and be happy. No great destiny, no enraged tyrants seeking her death. A house of her own, a small dungeon dug underneath for experimental purposes. She would have to control her Spark very, very carefully. If tranquility was so prevalent, then the ruling princesses must have considerable powers to ensure there was no threat. Although Agatha hoped they wouldn't mind some free civic improvements. Applejack had warned her about the Everfree Forest south of town. Honestly, not even any defensive walls?
Her ears perked at the sound of a steam engine. Tossing the apple core into a public rubbish basket--er, make at missing, then picking it up with her mouth to drop it in--Agatha trotted over to the train depot. The afternoon train had pulled into the town's neat little station. The train with its 4-4-0 locomotive and its toy-like carriages weren't the armor-plated affairs run by the Corbetite Monks of Europa. Imagine--not even any machine-guns! Passengers were often asked to man weapons stations if a guard-monk on a Europan train was injured at their duty.
Oh, so it did have a cannon. Agatha saw a primitive muzzle loader being wheeled out out and pointed right at her.
Two months of hell-on-Earth training and two days in Castle Heterodyne had honed her combat instincts to a fine edge. Agatha blurred past the shot which--glittered?--as it missed her. There was a surprised "oof" when a back hoof rammed the gunner in the flank. A swipe with her right hoof sent the attacker right across the station platform. Her left was already raised in a blow that could cripple or kill when-- A party favour blew in her face. Agatha looked down into the terrified blue eyes of a mare whose pink coat could not be found in any natural colour wheel. A bouncy pink mane deflated with an audible hiss to become almost flat.
"Surprise!" the pink mare squeaked as if she has inhaled an airship's gas cell's worth of helium. "Welcome to Ponyville."
The mare twirled a rattler and grinned nervously.
"Please don't kill me?"
++++
Bored.
Boring.
So very bored.
All this mare was doing was sitting around Ponyville. She could at least finish that story.
Great--Pinkie Pie was back. Hah, newbie gets a Party Cannon to the face. That never got old.
BOOM!
Rainbow's wings flared when she saw Pinkie fall beneath Agatha's rush.
"I KNEW IT! I'M COMING TO SAVE YOU, PINKIE!"