We Face Our Fears
The four steps we can take to deal with our fears is the same as how we deal with our enemies. Fear is of course an enemy. So we should resist the effect fear has over us. We determine what they are and then seek counsel on how to minimize this effect. Next we plan our lives as best we can to avoid or reduce the situations that cause the fear from coming about. Yes, easier said than done. Part of achieving this step lies in step three, to deal with the fear head on. There are two choices, one to face it in one lump or to slowly ease our way to a full confrontation. The worst thing is to believe there is nothing we can do and accept that we will have to deal with the effects of a particular fear for the rest of our lives.
“The Art of War”, Appendix B, The Equestrian Encyclopedia of General Knowledge
I woke up a little later than usual to find Silver gone. I went through my ablutions, then ate almost twice my normal rations. Silver flew in as I was repacking my saddlebag, moving the vials and Zap Apple seeds to the top.
“And a good morning to you, Silver. Would you like a warm bath?”
“Warm water causes a weakness in the blood, Benjamin,” said Silver. Well, at least he knew my first name. “Pony” was getting a bit old.
“Don’t tell me, you’re one of those who crack the ice and then jump into lakes in the Winter.”
Silver nodded, still dead serious. “Most bracing.”
I thought my industrial size water heater at the Homestead which Mechanic Monthly had featured after the open house.
“Very well, Silver.”
Silver did clean himself in the cold spring water. He bathed like he ate, without enjoyment but with efficiency and no wasted motion.
We both lay in the Sun to dry, Silver with wings spread.
“Silver,” I said, “is there a place next to the Last Battlefield where nothing will grow? Perhaps in a circle?”
Silver nodded. “On a bluff overlooking the battlefield. How did you know, Benjamin?”
“Will you take me there?”
Silver nodded again. “If we leave now, we should get there by midmorning.”
We both stood. I put on my pouch, shouldered both my saddlebags and checked the camp one last time. Silver started off back toward the griffon settlement. We didn’t talk for the first half hour or so, then I took a deep breath.
“Shall I tell you of yourself, Silver?”
Silver looked over at me with what I thought was an inquiring expression; I still had trouble reading griffons. I assumed it was and kept talking.
“You come from a privileged family, one with a long and honorable warrior tradition. Your parents, particularly your father, were stern but fair. You learned early the value of duty over pleasure and your father made sure you understood honor, both individual and collective. He raised you as the perfect warrior. You responded well to this and earned your parents’ and your teachers’ praise.”
I thought Silver’s eyes widened slightly.
“But something changed just as you came of age. A strange griffon arose who spoke of glory, the glory of the past and how great the griffons once were. If they could but rise to that level again, they could become splendid and rule the world. He could lead the griffons there if they would follow him. There was an enemy, though, an enemy holding them back. Across the Celestial Sea, the ponies had much while the griffons had little. It was their fault the griffons were so poor, so reduced to penury, so base.”
Silver froze between one step and the next. I stopped and kept talking.
“More and then more griffons hailed the strange griffon as their savior. You had doubts since what he taught contradicted what you knew about honor. Your father, mother or both protested the strange griffon and one day were found dead. Others who protested started to die or vanished until dissent quieted down. The strange griffon, now king, gave long, convoluted speeches which said little but roused most of the griffons to a frenzy. Soon, he launched an attack against the hated enemy. Recognizing your value, he put you in charge of a large force of griffons.”
Silver seemed to shrink into himself.
“You thought the war absurd but your warrior ethos trapped you; if you didn’t fight, others would brand you a coward. If you did fight, you fought for a cause you hated. So, you compromised and fought honorably on the battlefield. You looked with disgust and eventually hatred at the vile king and his followers who committed unspeakable atrocities with excuses such as ‘It’s war’ and ‘They aren’t griffons, they don’t matter’.”
Silver crouched and pulled in his head, reminding me of the two griffon statues at the entrance of Alistair’s estate.
“Soon you and others knew you couldn’t win the war; you were unmatched as individual warriors but the enemy fought in groups and overwhelmed you time after time. The king refused to accept this and urged total war, last griffon standing and so on. Others came to you, whispering of defeat. ‘You are noble,’ they said, ‘you must kill the king and take his place to save us.’ You didn’t, though, since you thought it would leave you foresworn, a fate worse than death.”
“Then came the Last Battle. Defeated, your soldiers demoralized, you gave in to all the hate and rage you’d repressed, took a sword and split the king’s skull. The enemy hadn’t listened to the bugle call to cease and were slaughtering those griffons who tried to surrender. But when they saw you, a griffon, kill the king, they stopped fighting.”
I took a breath. “You saved your people from annihilation. But you didn’t see it that way, oh, no. All you knew was you’d killed the king even if he was practically dead already. After you helped bury the bodies and the enemy had left, the others came to you. ‘Be our king now,’ they asked, but you refused since you considered yourself dishonored beyond redemption. Instead, you moved to the farthest griffon settlement and hoped all would forget about you. The infection was exactly what you needed; since you couldn’t kill yourself, you hoped that would do it for you. And then I came along.”
Silver, eyes wide, said, “I am foresworn.”
I stepped forward and smashed my right forehoof against both sides of his beak, once, twice. He didn’t even flinch.
“You stupid young fool!” I yelled, then stepped back. “Your first oath was to your family, your second to your tribe and then and only then to your warleader. He betrayed you and your people. You were not foresworn. If you think so, then your definition of honor is far too narrow for me and, believe you me, Youngster, I know something about it. You’ve used it as an excuse to escape and to hide, living your life in fear.”
I sighed, then turned and walked on. Soon Silver uncoiled and started pacing me again. He said nothing but that wasn’t unusual.
After about an hour, Silver led me to a small bluff. I recognized the area from Ren’s memories; the Last Battle had been in the dell below the bluff. Silver pointed and there was a black circle, about six feet in diameter. It looked like a hole in the bluff and standing there would give a perfect view of the battlefield. Yes, this was it. This was where Tia cast Maledicta Terra.
I took off my saddlebags and pouch, then pulled out a blood vial, my tomato field dirt and the Zap Apple packet. I looked back at Silver who had crouched about five feet away.
“Silver, if I die, please tell those who follow what I did so they don’t repeat it.”
Silver nodded. “You are brave, Benjamin.”
“I am petrified, Silver. But I know this is the Price. Plus, just like you, this is what I’ve trained to do.”
Silver nodded again.
“Stay well back,” I said, then wrapped myself in a Level 3 defensive spell. I walked onto the circle and immediately felt the Wrongness even through the spell I’d raised. I walked to the center, then planted a hoof. I opened a tiny hole in the barrier surrounding me.
Hate.
Cold, unfeeling, malice, like an evil machine.
Wait, kill the land as a ruse, yes, and wait. Kill the griffons, slowly, slowly, so they don’t suspect. Start with those closest. Slowly, a boil here, an infection there, a stillborn cub over there. Then a plague. And when they’re all dead…
…KILL THE WORLD!!!
I sealed myself in my barrier again. Clever, Tia, very clever, to subvert the spell that way. But you forgot about yourself, didn’t you? And had no thought for the aftermath. Well, then.
I tipped out some soil, planted a single Zap Apple seed, then put the seed packet and jar back outside the circle. I took a breath, let it out and poured my blood onto the soil and seed, using just a touch of magic. I tossed the vial out of the circle, then stepped next to the seed.
The soil fizzed and the Zap Apple tree started to grow. The Dark Magic sensed a threat to its existence.
Beware! Warning! Danger!
And then it attacked.
I had to protect the Zap Apple seedling until it was more mature. The Dark Magic figured out what I was doing and slammed against my field. I went into my T’ai Chi stance and started kata 6 which was strictly defensive; there wasn’t a punch in it. I deflected the Dark Magic, then did it again.
And again.
And again.
The attacks came faster, the Dark Magic in a frenzy to get past me to the seedling.
I breathed, deflected, turning the attacker’s force against itself.
Again.
Again.
Breathe, just like I’d done a hundred, a thousand times.
Deflect, deflect, turn, deflect.
After a flurry of hits against my forehooves, one attack was slightly weaker than the one before. As was the next.
And the next.
I paused for just a few seconds. The Zap Apple tree was a good seven or eight feet now and feeding on the Dark Magic. As I’d gambled, the Zap Apple tree didn’t care what sort of magic it used to grow as long as it was magic.
I watched the sickly green of the Dark Magic fight against the tree, then with a final sucking sound, vanish into the Zap Apple trunk. There stood a Zap Apple tree, 20 feet tall or so, surrounded by green grass out to the circle’s edge. I cautiously lowered my barrier and tapped into the ground.
Nothing.
The Dark Magic was gone.
I’d done it. I’d saved the World.
After all the fear, the worry, the hiding, I’d done it.
“Well, Fluttershy Cheer for me,” I said, then knew no more.
The Two Kings
John Lawless: [singing]
Well well well, let's 'ave a drink on it,
as me father used to say!
When the truth is nobly spoken, it's respect ye've got to pay!
So fill yer cup an' lift it up and *clink*, here's how!
No shilly-shallyin', no dilly-dallyin', let's 'ave a drink on it now!
From the play “The Happiest Unicorn”
Feathers.
Warm feathers.
Sun on my flank, my head against warm feathers. An odd, gamey smell.
“Rainbow Dash? Storm?” I opened my eyes.
I was between a pair of griffon claws, head against a griffon chest. A griffon with silver-tipped feathers. Silver.
I sat up. Silver looked down at me.
“Benjamin. Still alive, I see.”
I stood and stepped out from between the claws. I stretched, then shook myself. I looked around. We were still on the bluff, the Sun shining, the Zap Apple leaves rustling in a light Wind.
“Silver! How long was I out?”
“About an hour.”
“Well, that’s done.” I picked up my Zap Apple seed packet, jar of soil and empty vial. Pack out your trash, I thought, as I repacked them in my saddlebag. I drank some water out of my canteen and had some rations. About four days of rations left, I thought, then it’s foraging for me until the vegetables grow. Or until I leave the Griffon Lands which I suddenly realized I could do.
“Help my people.”
“What’s that, Silver?”
Silver was standing, wings folded.
“Please help my people, Benjamin.”
“What’s this, what’s this? ‘My people’, you say. Why, you sound like a leader, Silver. Or a king.”
Silver’s beak turned up very slightly, then he became serious again.
“You were right, Benjamin. I was hiding. The griffons in the village are sick, though. We haven’t had a live cub born in almost a year. Please, help them the way you helped me.”
“How many live there, Silver?”
“425 including my sister.”
Hmm, doable. At least if the diseases weren’t too severe and I took my time. What was today? I pulled out my calendar. 23rd of Third. That gave me, let’s see, not quite two and a half months before I had to get back to the palace. One month should be more than enough time.
I looked up after putting away my calendar.
“Very well, Silver, I’ll stay a month. I’ll need some food, though, particularly if I’m healing. And no promises; some griffons may be beyond my ability to heal.”
Silver nodded. Not a talker, Silver.
I put on my saddlebags and pouch. “Lead on.”
Silver turned and we walked side-by-side toward the village which was about an hour away. After about 10 minutes, Silver asked, “What was that fighting style you used back there?”
“It’s called ‘T’ai Chi’. It’s almost completely defensive.”
Silver frowned. “So you can’t win, just defend yourself.”
“The goal isn’t to win, Silver, it’s to not lose. Use the attacker’s force against him and sooner rather than later you can walk away. 9 times out of 10 you can stop the fight before it starts.”
Silver kept frowning, then his face cleared. He stopped, then looked at me in astonishment.
“Not to win, but to not lose! Not lose, Benjamin!!”
I smiled at him, then slapped his shoulder. I’d watched some of my students make the same leap. It invariably changed their lives.
Silver actually smiled, an open beak smile this time, the first I’d seen from him. “I understand!” he said enthusiastically. “I truly understand!”
“Know that and know fear is the true enemy and you’ve learned all you need to know about combat, King of the Griffons.”
Silver shook his head. “I’m not king yet, Benjamin. This is just one of four villages not counting the capital.”
I waved a hoof. “Bah.”
Silver actually laughed, a deep, booming laugh that reminded me of Death.
“So you can laugh. I was beginning to think you had no sense of humor at all.”
Silver smiled that curved beak smile again. “That’s the first time I’ve laughed since the War.”
“Well, it’s past time, then.”
We soon came to the outskirts of the griffon settlement. The houses were much the same, single story mud brick with crude windows and flat roofs. Silver walked up to a house isolated from the others and knocked on the door. A few seconds later a female griffon answered. She was in dreadful shape, her hide and feathers patchy from some sort of skin disease. Her smell wasn’t too pleasant, either, and she had some weeping sores. She must have been miserable.
She exclaimed something in griffon and Silver answered. She noticed me and quickly stepped back out of sight until Silver motioned her forward. The poor female limped out of the house and came toward me, Silver next to her. In the Sunlight she looked and smelled even worse. Mange, I thought, coupled with bacterial infection. I braced myself.
The female stopped several feet away and wouldn’t look at me.
“Benjamin, may I present my sister Argent?”
“A pleasure, miss,” I said.
The female said nothing and still looked at the ground.
“Please help her, Benjamin,” said Silver.
“Miss, I’m a healer. Please stand very still. I promise I won’t harm you.”
I used my circle technique but when I started to lift it around her, she reared in alarm. Silver said something sharp and she settled, resigned to her fate. I pulled my circle up and through and ended up with mites and some very nasty infections it was a pleasure to burn to ash with magic. She also had an infected right rear paw which I lanced and cured and pinkeye which I cleared. Whew, what a mess!
Without the skin diseases, what remained was a smaller, more delicate version of Silver. I regrew the hair on her hindquarters which was the same color as Silver’s, then did the same for her head and neck feathers.
“Miss, if you’d be so good as to spread your wings?”
She did and I regrew a number of missing feathers. Her wing shape was rounder than Silver’s and I wondered if it was a gender difference.
When I finished, Silver nodded with satisfaction.
“There you are, miss. Feel better?” I said.
Argent held out a wing, then turned and looked at her right flank. She quickly turned at looked at the other side, then turned back to me.
“I…don’t believe it,” she said, wonderingly. “I’ve been sick for so long. Thank you, pony. I…have nothing I can give you in return, though.” Argent’s voice was low but slightly higher than Silver’s.
“I ask for nothing, miss, only your good will. Perhaps you’ll tell others I’m no threat and have come to help them. Silver,” I continued, “I’m a bit worn from the day. I’ll head back to the campsite, shall I?”
“My home is here, Benjamin,” said Silver, pointing to house a little closer to the village than Argent’s. “You may stay with me.”
Tired, I nodded. Silver took me to his house which was one large room. There was a pile of blankets in one corner and spare pallet rolled up in the opposite corner, some pottery to hold water and nothing else. Silver spread the pallet for me. The latrines were communal and one wasn’t too far from the outskirts where we were. I thanked Silver and after he left I checked over the pallet. No pests, but I cleaned it anyway. The weaving was surprisingly good and I thought Marcia would appreciate it.
I ate almost two days’ worth of rations, had some water and then fell asleep. I slept until late at night when I woke up to find Argent had wrapped herself around me and Silver had wrapped himself around both of us. I learned later griffons never showed affection in public but were openly affectionate in private, particularly with family.
Thus began my time with the griffons. Silver, Argent and I would get up together each morning. They’d eat with the tribe while I ate whatever Silver, Argent or other griffons had managed to forage. A cured Argent caused a sensation and at first griffons would show up just to see and to touch her.
We started on the far side of the village and went house to house, Silver, Argent or both flanking me. I found all sorts of diseases including babesiosis, encephalitis, pneumonia, frounce, avian pox and some skin diseases I couldn’t identify. Some griffons were fine while others needed intensive healing. None, though, were as sick as Silver and Argent when I first met them so I made good progress.
Wary of a pony at first, after a couple of weeks the griffons grew used to me and would even seek me out. After I’d help one, they would ask what they could do for me. I suggested they forage or bring me vegetables from my garden, so I had more than enough to eat. Occasionally a griffon would forget and would bring me a brace of rabbits or some such, but I thanked them anyway which I found was most important in griffon society. I also became proficient at speaking Griffon, a sibilant language with a very simple grammar.
While the griffons were tribal and a warrior culture, most griffons chose a path other than warrior. There were weavers, potters, builders and the one which fascinated me the most, hunters. The hunters not only provided food for the entire tribe but also managed the game surrounding the village. Griffons ate a great deal, so this was quite a feat. I saw none go hungry, though. There was usually a shaman as well but the tribe’s had died two years ago and none had shown up to replace him.
The griffons were casual about mating but there were some restrictions on having cubs to control the population. I helped at two births after overcoming some hostility from the midwives. Both cubs were fine and the entire tribe rejoiced to have cubs that lived. The celebration for both went on for a night and a day with dancing, singing and storytelling. Griffon singing sounded doleful to me and they laughed uproariously when I sang a few verses of Nelly Bly. There was nothing for it after that but for me to sing to the griffons most evenings, sometimes to several hundred at a time. I told stories, too, mainly about my life or from the “Tales for Foals” section of the Encyclopedia. I’d get sighs, nods and laughter. The Clock Incident was such a favorite I had to tell it several nights in a row.
The griffons got along well with one another but if two griffons did argue, there was a formal combat ritual to resolve it, usually fought to first blood. I watched two, one with two males and one with two females and was amazed at their ferocity, particularly since they used no weapons. Once the combat ended, the loser abased themselves to the winner, the winner touched the loser beak-to-beak and that was the end of it.
By the end of Fourth we had one very healthy and happy griffon village. The griffons were lively and busy, a tremendous contrast to when I first saw them. Many came to Silver and to Argent for advice or just to visit and both handled themselves well. Several of the females asked for some alone time with Silver and several of the males did with Argent and both accepted happily. I decided I’d leave the middle of Fifth and head back to Equestria.
I was sound asleep the 3rd of Fifth when Something woke me up. I sat up, then slid out from between Argent and Silver. I walked outside to a perfect Summer evening; a Moonless night, the stars looked close enough to touch. All was peaceful.
I walked a little distance away from the village back toward the campsite, wondering what was bothering me.
“Pony.”
Lady Puma ghosted over a nearby rock ledge and then stretched herself out.
I gave a full bow. “Lady Puma! You honor me by speaking with me again.”
Lady Puma nodded. “You’ve done well, pony, very well. I name you Wizard of Balance and give you leave to travel my lands until the end of your days.”
Wizard of Balance. I liked that, yes, indeed. And I had a cape to go along with it, too.
I bowed again. “I am your humble servant, Sleek Huntress, and I thank you for the honor you do me.”
Lady Puma gave me a quick flash of the feline grin again.
“You have one last chore, Wizard of Balance.” Lady Puma pointed off to the battlefield. “There is a Shade you must put to rest.”
So! I thought there was something but none of the griffons would talk about it.
“The Mad King,” I said, nodding.
Lady Puma nodded as well. “You know what to do, Wizard of Balance.”
“I will address the tribe tomorrow and Silver, Argent and I will face the Shade tomorrow evening.”
Lady Puma looked pleased, then turned to go.
“My Lady?”
Lady Puma stopped and looked over her shoulder.
“You are every bit as magnificent as you think you are,” I said.
With one last feline grin, Lady Puma was gone between one eye blink and the next.
I walked back to Silver’s in the predawn light. As I walked in, Silver and Argent sat up. In the predawn, both practically glowed. Since I spent so much time with them, sometimes I forgot how beautiful they both were.
“Benjamin?” asked Silver.
“Silver, Argent, I just spoke to Lady Puma.”
Both looked alert at that.
“We must deal with the Shade of the Mad King.”
Silver and Argent looked at one another, then back to me.
“Do you trust me?” I asked.
“With my life,” “Completely,” were the answers.
“Then here’s what we’re going to do…”
After the morning meal, Silver and Argent went through the tribe and asked all to assemble at noon. The hunters were the last to arrive and once all were gathered, I stood on the Speaking Rock and used magic to amplify my voice. I spoke in Griffon.
“Do you see me, Tribe?”
“We see you, Healer,” came the answer.
“You know of the Shade which haunts the battlefield?”
Murmuring, then “Yes, we know.”
“It is the Shade of the Mad King.”
Some alarm but mainly sad resignation.
“His dying words Cursed you and this land, so his Shade remained.” I gestured, then Silver and Argent joined me on the Speaking Rock.
“Do you see Silver and Argent, Tribe?”
“We see Silver and Argent, Healer.”
“Silver, Argent and I will face the Shade and banish him. We ask some of you to stand as witness.”
Some roiling, some back and forth, then three griffons stood. Two I’d cured and the third was one of the midwives.
“Do you see me, Tribe?” each asked in turn. When the Tribe said they did, each agreed to stand as witness at Sunset this evening.
“I thank the Tribe for seeing and hearing me,” I finished, closing the meeting.
“What now?” Silver asked me as he, Argent and I walked away from the Speaking Rock.
“Now, my friend, we take the afternoon off.”
The griffons had several games, most for teams. One was close enough to barn ball I could play it easily. I played with Silver and Argent, then we all swam in a nearby river. We dried ourselves in the hot Summer Sun, then I had a wrestling match with Argent which I lost dramatically. Silver roared with laughter over that and it was funny enough Argent and I joined him. We swam some more, then dried off one last time.
A half hour before Sunset, we went back to Silver’s. I put on my cape, checked my dirk and then walked with Silver and Argent to the site of the Last Battle. The witnesses met us there and we all walked a short way to a patch of dead grass.
I looked to Silver and to Argent and both nodded. I picked up a stone and tossed it into the middle of the dead patch.
“Ho, Mad King! You there?”
A black mist rose, boiling and writhing. Out of it came a huge griffon, solid black with red glowing eyes. We could see he was speaking but couldn’t hear anything.
“Look at that, it’s the Mad King everypony is talking about!” I said brightly. “Say, you don’t look anything like your pictures!”
I pulled out the bottle of apple brandy I’d taken from the Crystal Empire bar car.
“Join me in a drink, Mad King?” I said and took a small sip. Then I sang:
Well well well, let's 'ave a drink on it,
as me father used to say!
When a Shade is clearly loony, it's respect ye've got to pay!
So fill yer cup an' lift it up and drink, here's how!
No shilly-shallyin', no dilly-dallyin', let's 'ave a drink on it now!
Infuriated, the Shade raised a sword and brought it down on me.
It passed right through and vanished into the ground.
The Shade raised his sword again and again, chopping at me, then at Silver and Argent.
“Hah!” I yelled. “What’re you gonna do now, Mad King? You’re just a Shade!”
The Shade stopped swinging his sword and just glared. He was speaking again but we still heard nothing.
I pulled out my dirk and handed it to Silver. He nicked my right shoulder, then handed the dirk to me. I made a small cut in his left shoulder, then handed the dirk to Argent. She nicked my left shoulder, I nicked her right, then I cleaned the dirk on her flank and sheathed it. Both moved until our shoulders touched, the blood mingling and running down both my forelegs.
“Time to go meet the Lord of Hel, Mad King,” I said, then called my magic and recited:
One chance to be undone,
One chance, the two made none,
By the blood of purest heart,
Given freely from the start.
Our mingled blood ran out in a thin line and encircled the Shade. A red glow rose from the line and slowly rose to engulf the Mad King. He reared, gave a soundless shriek and vanished. The red glow went out and we were left looking at grass blowing in the twilight breeze.
I healed the nicks on Silver and Argent. Silver took my med kit and bandaged my right foreleg then Argent did the same for my left. I handed over the apple brandy to each and each took a small sip, then handed it back.
We turned to find the witnesses had abased themselves.
“Lead us, Silver. Be our King.”
“Up,” said Silver.
The witnesses stood.
“I will be your King,” said Silver, “and will rule with Argent by my side.”
The midwife answered for all three and said, “I will tell the Tribe and we will spread the word.”
Silver nodded, then we walked on.
“How did you know, Benjamin?” asked Argent.
“I asked Death about Shades once. He told me they were rare and the ones that did exist couldn’t harm the living.”
Argent’s silver eyes grew huge. “You’ve spoken to Death?”
“Mmm, yes, and played cards with him, too. Don’t play him in poker, Argent.”
“What are ‘cards’? And what is…’poking’?”
“Poker,” I corrected. Hmm, no playing cards in the Griffon Lands. I sensed opportunity for Apple and Smithson Manufacturing.
We went into Silver’s, I explaining card games to both as best as I could without a deck. Soon it grew dark and Argent curled around me. She rubbed my head and muzzle with her beak, the strongest display of affection a griffon could show. Silver did the same as he took his position.
“Thank you, Benjamin,” Silver said for both.
“My pleasure, O King,” I said, and dropped off to sleep.