//------------------------------// // Thursday // Story: Casual Friday // by totallynotabrony //------------------------------// I really, really don’t want to go to work today. At the same time, I’m a little curious about how things are going. Are the Norks still doing troubling things? What’s Tweak doing? How’s the sexy voice at radio station X3D1CM? I wonder how I got in this position. All I want to do is fly a jet and have no responsibility, but here I am, a sailor away from the sea, somehow taking care of a ragtag unit that might be the only ones who know a war is about to start. “Uuuuuugggghhhh.” I’ve got to go to work. But I don’t want to. I get up and put on my uniform. My apartment is close and I head to base. A set of train tracks enters the base, apparently to bring in supplies and heavy equipment. I instead go through the smaller, pony-sized gate beside the train gate. The guard frowns at my Navy ID card, as they always do, but eventually lets me through. At work, the first cup of office coffee doesn’t make me feel any better, but at least it gives me something to concentrate on that isn’t my responsibility. I haven’t seen Tweak yet today. I once again mull over the problem we’ve found ourselves in. “Any updates?” I ask Clear Code. “More of the same,” she replies. “North Koltreans posturing on the border. More of them than the day before.” “Great. I can only imagine what an actual shooting war would be like.” I sigh. “I guess we’d better batten down the hatches and hope it doesn’t come to that.” “Have you ever noticed just how much Navy slang you throw around?” she says. “Not really, no.” “It’s true,” says Skyray. “The other day you were talking about holy stones or somesuch.” “You use a holy stone to scrub the deck with sand to clean it,” I say. “See?” He gestures. “That’s the kind of thing you basically have to translate. Same language, different branch of the military.” It’s true. While I was still flying, the Air Force had on more than one occasion come up with something I needed translated. I sit down in front of the VTC screen. The meeting begins. The briefer starts reading off the news and inviting comments. Tweak storms in. He looks around and spots me, stomping over, hooves loud on the subfloor. “What have you been telling Soju!?” I fumble for the mute button on the VTC. “Say again, sir?” “Get up when I’m talking to you!” I stand. “Sir, do you mean Soju like the liquor?” “My girlfriend,” he hisses. I stand there with my mouth open for several seconds. “Oh! On the radio? Sir, she’s a North Koltrean trying to get secrets out of you.” “How dare you!” Tweak roars. “You think you can just steal my girl? You dirty rotten maremunching filly-fooler!” I mean, I am. I don’t exactly hide that fact. It’s not illegal. But it is illegal to discriminate against somepony on that basis. Tweak leans in close, his breath smelling like something threw up and then died in his mouth. “I’m going to get you kicked out of the military. You’re the worst soldier I’ve ever seen.” “I’m not a soldier, sir.” As it turns out, that’s exactly what I need to say to escalate the situation further. I probably shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help it. His eyes nearly bulge out of his face. He raises a hoof. It comes at my face as if in slow motion. I should get out of the way. But he’s not really going to hit me, is he? Yes. It’s more of a slap, but it stings. Mostly, I’m shocked that he did it at all. I hear movement behind me. Tweak glances to my right and to my left. He huffs and turns around, stomping out of the office. I turn. Chief Iceberg and Flight Lieutenant Skyray are right behind me. The others in the office are standing, attention on me. “Uh...Equestrian Administrative Command of Koltrea, is everything all right there?” Chief turns off the VTC. I take a breath and look around the room. “I think it’s clear that things have gotten out of hoof here. I’m about ready to beat my head on the bulkhead.” “Wow, no kidding,” says Rhyme. Chief nods. “Can somepony translate that for us non-nautical folks?” says Skyray. “Beat my head on the wall.” “Colonel Tweak is the worst leader I’ve ever seen or heard of,” says Drill Bit. “This is my first unit since getting out of boot camp and even I know he’s the worst,” says Wretched Heart. “We can’t just let this keep getting worse,” I say. I pause. “We need to do something.” Clear Code indicates her computer monitor. “We have a legal basis for charging Colonel Tweak with at least espionage and assault. I could probably put together quite a bit more with some time.” “I’m not exactly on the same ground as all of you,” says Line Scribe. He points to our uniforms and his polo shirt. “Tweak can’t exactly give me orders, so I can’t exactly revolt against them.” He smiles. “But I’ll help you with the paperwork for the charges.” Every face is still looking at me. They’ve all confirmed their support. I’m in charge. I take a deep breath. “Okay,” I say. “We’d need to get somepony with the authority to pull this off. Somepony a lot higher in rank who has our back. Scribe, do you remember that General’s name at the border?” He replies, “General Park Avenue.” “Right. See if you can get in contact with him. Get Kimchi to help. I’m sure he’d be more than willing to help, um, us.” Kimchi gives me a look, but nods. “We’re going to have to do this as hard and fast as we can,” I say. “Everything needs to come down on Tweak at once, or I’m sure he’ll find some way to wiggle out. We need to freeze him colder than a brass monkey.” “Nautical slang,” Skyray mutters. “So, we’re doing this,” says Clear Code. “Just to be crystal clear, we are going to stage mutiny against our tyrannical commanding officer?” Everypony looks at me again. I’m in charge. I nod. “We’re doing this. Colonel Tweak is going down. We’re making a stand. Casual Friday is back on. Let’s hoist the black flag and start slitting throats.” I don’t have to translate that piece of slang. Looking around the room, they’re all nodding.