It came as little surprise to most anyone that you didn’t become a Princess of Equestria for collecting bottle caps. In case there had been any question in the matter, a brief survey of the Equestrian constitution, weighty in both historical significance and also physical mass could tell one otherwise.
What came as a germane shock, even to Luna – who had, since her return, been charged with executing said duties – was how many tasks were assigned to the role. Many of them were rarely called upon – Luna doubted that even during Celestia’s thousand year solo reign, there had ever been cause for her sister to ‘retune those heavenly bodies that produce the music of the spheres down one semi-tone’, something that was evidently a duty of any reigning princess, upon personal request from the Spirit of Perfect Song. And as for 'standing in defense of all causality'...
That, at least, was a task that would prove easy to avoid.
Indeed, the Equestrian constitution didn’t possess a full list of the various and sundry duties and obligations that the sisters or Celestia alone had agreed to over the years. What it DID possess was a library index number. A brief perusal of the Library of Equestrian Justice produced a tome. If anything, it was thicker, and heavier, than the constitution.
“The Alicorn Accords.(3)” Luna frowned. “No, hold on a moment. I signed the Alicorn Accords, about two thousand years ago, and change. It was a sheet of paper, listing the lands we weren’t allowed to just up and invade if we felt like it. In exchange, we got trade deals.”
3. Not to be mistaken for ‘The Alicorn Code’, a fanciful work of fiction by Canterlot writer Bran Down in which an Earth Pony historian and expert in symbols destroys priceless cultural artifacts in an effort to keep a vaguely nefarious foreigner from getting their hooves on Princess Celestia’s baby book. Entertaining drivel, but not really relevant.
Quiet Corner, the librarian that was helping Luna and Paper Weight, shook his head. “In the centuries following that, the slow build-up of rule of law in Equestria saw more and more duties, many of which could only be performed by magical prodigies, added to the Accords.” He cocked his head to the side. “I would imagine you’d know about some of them. You signed a fair number personally.”
Luna grinned sheepishly. “Really, who reads everything that they sign?” There was a distinct lack of sympathy from her audience. “Fine. Look, we were warrior queens, okay? Celly did most of the admin work, and I made sure that the treasury stayed full. She said ‘sign this’, I signed it.” Luna gestured vaguely. “I’m sure I glanced over it, but how many ponies do you know that can accurately remember what they had for lunch a month prior?”
Paper Weight made a heroic effort to steer the course of discussion back to the present day. “Is this a complete listing of the duties of the Princesses?”
Quiet Corner shook his head. “No, this is the next-to-last edition. The most recent edition came out a few years ago. It’s currently on loan to the Prince Consort of the Crystal Empire, Captain Shining Armour. He’s the current leading expert on the duties of Alicornkind.” The librarian rubbed his chin. “I understand he first started looking into it to help his now-wife, and then when his sister grew wings, he was already fairly expert in the subject. Really, he’s one of the first ponies to take a decided interest in the matter in well over a century. I checked.”
Luna’s eyebrows flicked heavenward. “It so happens that Shining Armour and Cadance are visiting right now. They’re staying in one of the guest suites at the palace.”
Paper Weight allowed herself a cautious smile. “Then that’s where we head next.”
* * *
Tracking down Luna’s adoptive niece and nephew-in-law did not prove to be especially difficult. While the weather was temperate during springs in Canterlot, a certain measure of scheduled rain still had to fall, and the imperial couple had elected to put off any plans to go out and visit the city until the weather teams had finished their task.
Likewise, it didn’t take long for the task that lay before them to be explained. Neither Shining Armour nor Princess Cadance were novices at the exacting political manipulations of the Canterlot gentry, although their suggested approaches differed.
“I still say you should drop subtle hints about headsmen, and give them nightmares for the next three or four years.” Princess Cadance opined, generously.
Luna gave her a wry look. “Princess of love?”
“Tough love is a thing. Look it up.”
Not for the first time, Luna wondered whether Cadance was getting out enough in her newly reclaimed empire. Then again, she had reclaimed it by way of coup through force of arms and magic. Plus, there was the battle with the imposter queen, Chrysalis. Perhaps the next generation of rulers in Equestria and her sister states were more akin to herself and Celly when they had been young than she had thought.
Come to think of it, Twilight Sparkle regularly deployed weapons-grade friendship cannons on threats to the realm. Maybe Luna herself had gone soft?
Shining Armour cut in. “Looking at the more... diplomatically apt solution that you’ve come up with, I think I can help you out a bit. The duties that define the status of ‘Alicorn Princess’ basically fall into three categories, and you really only have to worry about one of those.”
Luna frowned, but gestured for the former guard captain to continue.
Shining did so. “First, you have the duties of everypony in Equestria, that are basically only outlined in the Accords because the royalty aren’t supposed to be above them. Be fair and just, uphold the constitution and the laws of Equestria... pretty basic stuff. You don’t have to break the laws or anything just because you’re actively trying not to pursue your duties as a Princess, you just have to do what anypony else would do.”
Luna nodded. “Got it. So, no mandatory treason.”
Shining smirked at that, but continued. “Secondly, you have the things that technically apply to everyone, but are specified as things that alicorn princesses in particular are forbidden from doing because they’re probably the only ones who can. No plunging the world into eternal night,” a wince, “or summoning forth dread beings with too few vowels and too much punctuation in their names. I suppose there’s a technical difference between not doing something because you can’t, and not doing something because you can but have agreed not to, but it seems pretty academic.”
Luna nodded a bit more slowly at that. “So since those are things nobody is supposed to do, not doing them isn’t particularly transgressive anyway.”
“Right. Mostly the things that you have to avoid doing are category three: the ones that are active tasks that are relevant to your rule. You can’t make huge, inventive leaps in the discovery of new magical techniques, for instance, since High Magic is considered the providence of alicorn-kind. Technically, when on vacation, you’re not called to the defence of the realm, either. And no acts of governance – although if there’s one part of your vacation that I imagine you won’t find grating in the least, it will be laissez-faire to avoid holding court or dealing with the parliamentary system.”
Luna thought about all of this, and then smiled. “I don’t think I’ll miss that in the least, no.” She paused for a moment or so, and then found her feet. “Well, no time like the present to get started.”
Paper Weight glanced at her sovereign. “Where are going?”
“The Canterlot library. I’m going to catch up on some popular fiction.”
* * *
Luna didn’t see the appeal of the ‘Daring Do’ books. She had found her way to the Canterlot public library, and asked the librarian behind the counter what was new and popular. It was reasonable, she supposed, for the librarian to consider the series to be ‘new’ when dealing with someone who had only been back in Equestria for the past year and change after a thousand years away, but if this was popular literature, then there was a bit of a culture gap going on.
“Ancestors lend me strength.” It was clear that this Yearling mare had done a considerable amount of research, but the idea of an ‘abandoned’ city still inhabited by ‘savages’ smacked of both triablism and imperialism. Particularly when Luna was pretty sure that she could identify the civilizations in question.
Still, the adventure narrative was mildly diverting, if you liked that sort of thing. For Luna, it was a little too much like real life. Sure, fighting a dread beast from the netherhells sounded exciting the first time, but familiarity bred contempt. Despite herself, Luna’s telekinesis flared up, and she idly doodled on a bit of scrap paper with a pencil, her mind wandering as she perused the novel. Yes, she remembered this city. Some bright minds, but pride, hubris, and if not a downfall per se, then at least a significant drop in local property values. Still, there had been that one particularly clever Earth Pony mathemagician, and his work with fundamental runes...
It wasn’t long before Luna realized that she had completely lost the plot. Daring Do was now talking to somepony called Bell Clock about their respective takes on the archaeological method. It looked like it was an argument? She could always go back a couple of pages and read the exposition, but it seemed like more effort than she really wanted to invest in the book. Fine for some, but not her cup of coffee. Oh well.
Luna glanced at her doodle sheet, and then went white as a sheet herself. “Oh, buck me.”
* * *
“It’s a solution to Rye Mare’s Hypothesis!”
Luna was gently but repetitively bonking her head against one of the sturdier pillars on the University campus. What the pillar thought of this has, tragically, been left unrecorded, but Luna was far from the first pony to use it as a frustration vent. This WAS Canterlot U, after all. If it thought anything of having been touched by equine royalty, it would probably be confusion; thesis defence wasn’t usually for another couple of months.(4)
4. As an unexpected side-effect, a touch of woodworm and a nasty case of erosion were miraculously cured. Ponies looking for a reprieve from scrofula would have been disappointed to learn that the ‘touch of royalty’ actually fixed the ailments of architecture.
“This will change how we understand multi-dimensional theory on a fundamental level!”
Luna had considered tossing the notebook into the fire. She’d always had a knack for mathemagic, and letting her mind wander – onto that problem, posed all those centuries ago – had been a mistake. She’d already torn the page from the notebook and had begun looking for a nearby hearth, when it occurred to her that having the solution would actually do modern magical theory some good. And, as no good deed went unpunished...
“This is one of those problems that has been pondered for a millennium! What a prize!”
Shining Armour looked bemused. “You know, when you said you were going to the library, I had imagined you were going to pick up a trashy romance novel like Cadance reads, not.... ‘fundamentally rearrange our understanding of magical resonance’, was it?”
Luna gave the stallion a Look. “I’m guessing that this qualifies as ‘work’?”
The former guard captain had the good grace to look abashed. “Actually, it goes a bit beyond that. Technically, this qualifies you to be crowned a princess of Equestria.”
Luna closed her eyes, and counted backward from ten in her brain. She made it as far as three before she trusted herself to speak. “Oh goody. How novel. Wherever shall I place the tiara, I wonder?”
A chorus of excited scholars drifted in from the background. “Hail, the Princess of Pure Math!”
Shining Armour shrugged. “You can always try again tomorrow.”
Luna brightened. Tomorrow was indeed, another day.