It was a lovely morning; the birds were chirping their lovely tunes, the trees had a luxurious shade of green. The calm sunlight of the rising sun made everything have a beautiful shade. But, no matter how beautiful it was outside, Twilight still had to imprison herself inside her hollowed-out tree. She had just recently risen from her slumber and had eaten her breakfast. She went up to her number one assistant, the young dragon named Spike, and asked, "So, Spike. Any new books shipped here today?"
Spike said off of the top of his head, "Nope! Though I believe a couple are supposed to come here tomorrow. But, I actually found a bunch of dusty, old books that you probably haven't read yet. Here, follow me." Spike led the mare down into the tree's dark basement, only lit by an old light. Spike went up to a pile of dusty, old books in the corner. "Here they are!"
There was an extremely large book that had caught Twilight's attention, though the title was covered by many layers of dust. She picked it up and blew off the dust, creating a large cloud in front of her. "'Equestria's Worst Jokes'... huh..." Twilight said out loud. Though she was sure there were some books that actually were going to be useful in the pile, she really wanted to check out the book. "Spike, I'm going to read this."
Spike said calmly, "Alright. No problem with that." He just shrugged and walked back upstairs.
Twilight flipped through the first few introductory pages and went straight to Chapter 1. "'I don't give a buck' jokes. Huh, really does sound like a bad joke." Twilight began read through the first chapter. Even though the joke was horrible, and she knew it, she was still laughing out loud to them. They were extremely immature, but, hay, Twilight was immature at times. When she finished off the last joke, she had pain in her chest from laughing so hard. "Sweet Celestia, those jokes are so dumb, but hilarious!"
She heard Spike's voice call out from the top of the stairs, "Hey, Twilight! You haven't done your friendship letter this week!"
Oh no, I haven't done it yet! I was going to do it earlier, but I was too delved into this book! "Coming!" she yelled out. She shut the book closed and ran upstairs. She got her pack with supplies of parchment and paper in the pouch on the left side of her, and some food in her right pouch. "Alright, I'm out to see if my friends have any problems. I'll come back when I need you. Bye!" She walked out the door while Spike was waving.
Alright, I need to see if my friends need help. I'll check on Applejack, she might have some problems on the farm. Twilight walked to the acres of apple trees on the edge of Ponyville. Twilight saw Applejack at her regular apple stand, crying. Twilight went up to her and said, "What's wrong, Applejack?"
Applejack replied through tears, "Ah got robbed! Ah had a bunch o' apples out here, then when I went inside for a drink. But when I came back, they were all gone! Ah had at least 20 apples up here!" Applejack continued crying.
I should really help, but my genius is kicking in. "Applejack, how many apples are on the stand right now?"
"None! Weren't y'all listening to me? Ah got robbed!"
"And none is..."
"Zero?" Applejack said quizzically.
"And zero is the number... of how many bucks I give right now!" Twilight fell onto her back from laughing, while Applejack made the 'Are you bucking serious?' face. Twilight trotted away, still laughing at her horrible joke. "I'm going to pony hell for that... but I still don't give a buck!" Twilight laughed harder than ever. "Alright, now that I can't fix that, who else can I not give a buck to... I mean, help? Hm... I guess I'll go check on Rarity, that drama queen is always crying about something." These joke are really going to my head... I still don't give a buck! Twilight then took out the food from her pack and ate it. She threw the remains on the ground. "No buck given!"
Twilight walked into Rarity's boutique and saw Sweetie Belle and Rarity yelling at each other, with a soaking wet dress behind them.
"You said we could play now!" Sweetie Belle yelled.
"I said that 3 days ago! But I had to change the time because I had to work today!" Rarity yelled back.
"I put the fun time into my schedule!"
"What schedule? You don't have one!"
"Alright, girls, calm down," Twilight said calmly. "Now, what happened?"
Sweetie Belle said, "Well, me and Rarity were supposed to play together today, but she canceled it suddenly!"
Rarity yelled, "I didn't suddenly change it, I had to postpone it because of a really important project!"
Twilight couldn't find a side to agree with. She said, "I know the solution. Look inside my right pack."
Sweetie opened it and found noting. "Um... there's nothing in here."
Twilight said while giggling, "I know... that's all the bucks I give!" Twilight burst out laughing. She then opened the door, walked outside, and slammed it closed.
Twilight walked to Fluttershy's cottage. Fluttershy said, "Oh, Twilight. Can you please help me? All of my chickens escaped their pens! I need your help to catch them."
"Oh, I can," Twilight said while containing her laugh. "But a quick question: How many chickens are in the pen now?"
"Um, none, I think..."
"Well, that's how many bucks I give!" Twilight burst out while Fluttershy got sad and squealed. Twilight walked away, saying to herself, "I should really feel sorry for doing that... I still don't give a buck!"
She walked to Sugar Cube Corner and talked to Pinkie Pie. "Hey, Twilight!" Pinkie said. "I broke the fourth wall again and got a laptop. Don't ask how. But I'm having problems; can you help me?"
Twilight said, "Error 404: Buck not found!" Twilight walked out while laughing.
While walking out the door, Pinkie said, "Your jokes are bad and you should feel bad!"
Twilight met Rainbow Dash while walking. "Hey, Twilight," Rainbow said. "I need some help with some of that evil stuff called math."
Twilight said, "Alright. But first, what's 1 minus 1?"
Rainbow replied, "Um, zero, but that's not my-"
"Because that's the number of bucks I give!" Twilight interrupted while laughing.
Twilight then walked to her home. When she was inside, she met with Spike. "Hey, Twilight. Did you help anypony?"
Twilight shook her head. "Nah, no one needed help."
Spike shrugged and said, "Alright. Hopefully Princess Celestia will allow a week without a letter." Twilight then picked up a book and skimmed through. "Whatcha reading?" Spike asked.
"Oh, I'm not reading anything. I'm just skimming to look for a buck to give... nope, can't find one."
"Please tell me you haven't been saying those jokes all day..."
Before another buck could be lost, Spike belched up a letter. Twilight used her magic to read it and read it inside her head.
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
Word about you using an inappropriate 'joke' has already spread up here in Canterlot. Seriously, what the buck is wrong with you? And yes, I'm allowed to cuss because I''m ruler here. So, as punishment, you shall be banned to the moon for multiple years. Hopefully next time you'll learn not to be such a bucking pottymouth.
Not-very-bucking-sincerely,
Princess mother-bucking Celestia
Twilight was launched to the moon later that day. While there, Twilight yelled into deep space, "I STILL DON'T GIVE A BUCK!"
And not a single buck was given that day.