//------------------------------// // Intro: Welcome to Antipodean City // Story: Magical Deathmatch // by Impossible Numbers //------------------------------// “Rarity… Rarity! Get up now! Please get up.” Rarity snorted, and then realized someone was shaking her. Drool had glued her cheek to the pillow. She winced at the slight sticking sound when she raised her head. Beside her stood Applejack, or rather two of her. Rarity blinked, and the concerned faces melded into one again. “Owwwww,” she moaned, rubbing her forehead. It felt like her own horn turning around to impale her brain. “Where am I this time?” She glanced down at her leg. While the rest of her moaned and braced itself, her inner critic boiled with outrage. “Ugh! What is this? Who put this travesty of a ring on me? It doesn’t even match my coat.” Applejack breathed again. “At least you’re OK, then.” “Is it those kidnappers? What do they want with us?” Then she noticed the hairy shape lurking by Applejack’s knotted tail. “Is that –?” “His name’s Peccary. He’s kinda sorta our bodyguard, an’ then again, he’s kinda like our parole officer guy. Look, he can understand what we’re sayin’, got it? Don’t do anythin’ y’all regret, an’ we’ll be fine.” Rarity hesitated for a moment. Her mind was still trying to force her back to sleep, and big hairy pigs with a mouth full of murder weapons were not her immediate concern right now. She swung herself off the bed and hit the hard floor. “We are in the Frozen South, are we not?” she snapped. Applejack gaped at her. “Y-Yes, that’s right. But how in the hay did you know that?” “I have brains, Applejack. We’ve been kidnapped for some crystal pony’s nefarious purpose. The crystal guards, the dark Crystal Heart, this” – she waved the leg dismissively, and the ring bit into her skin for a moment – “scandalously hideous device all add up to crystal pony, and since we’re not in the Frozen North, that doesn’t leave very many options.” “It’s worse than you think…” “I daresay we shall pick it up as we go along, shall we not?” “What?” Soaring on the winds of outraged hauteur and the aches of too many hours sleeping on her side, Rarity rounded on the pig. It froze under the gaze of two burning sapphires, which were trying to laser-shot their way into his skull. “And I must say I don’t think much of the quality of their treatment. The Crystal Empire was a paradise of art and hallowed cultural sophistication. It most certainly was not some buried dump populated by scruffy pigs that smell like garbage.” When she turned away, the pig frowned and sniffed its own pit. “Very well. Since one is going to be a prisoner for some hostile party or parties unknown, one might as well make the most of it. You, Piggary” – her leg cracked like a whip, and the pig hastily stopped sniffing – “I demand better accommodation and a bed that you cannot crack rocks off of. Now that’s not a difficult request, is it?” Helplessly, the pig glanced at Applejack, who was still trying to work it out under her breath. “Um… Rarity? He was goin’ to move us to better digs anyway.” Hauteur tripped and fell with a smack onto the ground… only to shoot back up again, braced and angry. Rarity stopped staring and instead flicked her locks with a hoof. “Excellent. Well done, that pig. I’m glad to see someone is on top of things. Applejack, I believe we have much to discuss. Shall we?” Shrugging, Applejack fell in beside her. Up ahead, the pig took them to the hexagon, and the platform jolted in preparation. Around them, the walls and the exit floated upwards. Rarity grimaced. She couldn’t keep the act up for too long, but the trick was to find new things to get angry about. “Such a quaint way to travel,” she said while another doorway rose past and then continued upwards. “So what was happening while I was out?” she said. “Uh… they want us to entertain ‘em,” said Applejack, in the slow, careful voice of one leaning over a cliff to see how far down it goes. “We’re gonna be kinda famous, apparently.” Rarity turned a glower on her friend. Part of her hated to do it, but Applejack was bad at being dishonest. She’d always tried to find ways around it, which was fine with Rarity since the farmer pony was usually bad at doing that too. “Entertain them how, exactly?” she said. “Look, it’s really not nice. Ah don’t wanna have to tell you this, ‘cause Ah’m not sure we ain’t in a nightmare or somethin’. Can’t we talk about it later?” “Meaning we’re not expected to do a little sing-song and a waltz, I suppose?” Applejack blushed. “Trust me, you don’t wanna know.” “I’ll be the judge of that.” Under her hooves, she felt the platform shudder to a stop. “They’re not going to make us play country music, are they?” “No. An’ there ain’t nothin’ wrong with country music! Come on. We gotta meet the team leader for initiatin’.” All three of them stepped out onto a wide floor. That was about all they could discern, because the rest of the room was dark. Someone giggled in the gloom. “Uh…” said Applejack, “who turned the lights out?” “Is this where we’re supposed to meet the leader?” Rarity snorted. “I don’t think much of their welcoming committee.” Lights flicked on. Someone shouted, “Surprise! Welcome to the team, happy campers!” They stood at the end of an aisle of stalls. The shape was that of a stable, but everything – every post, every swinging doorway, even every blade of hay on the ground – gleamed and shone and bent at sharp angles. Along the walls, head-sized gemstones were embedded into the milky surface, one for every stall, and no two were the same colour. That was just background, however. Balloons floated all over the place. Scattered among the hay and raining down from the ceiling were rainbow confetti pieces. What looked like a wedding cake towered over them in the middle of the room. And kneeling at the foot of it, yellow shirt slightly askew and bushy brown mane bobbing against each nod of the long neck and head, a gangly earth pony blew a party-popper and grinned. He spat it out and squinted at their stares. “Hey. Haven’t I seen you two before? Oh, that’s right! You’re from Ponyville. Applejack and Rarity. Remember the time I came into town, and me and Pinkie Pie threw Rainbow Dash a birthday party? How is Pinkie Pie these days, anyway? Oh, oh, how’s Boneless doing? I heard he got turned into a key or something, the little rascal gets into all sorts of scrapes, couldn’t tie him down with an iron chain and a padlock, but you can’t trust what you hear through the grapevine these days. Now, the grape juice on the other hand is never a disappointment. We got some over there. Help yourselves!” Rarity’s jaw worked up and down for the appropriate expletive. Then she heard Applejack spit out the name, “Cheese Sandwich?” “I know, right? I was as surprised as you. There I was, trundling along on my newly named Partymobile, and then BAM! These crystal killjoys jumped me on the road to Dodge Junction.” “My word,” Rarity managed to say. Cheese Sandwich’s mane drooped, and as though deflated the rest of him slumped where he sat. Idly, he raised a leg and removed the party-popper, holding it balanced on his hoof like a cigar. “My word indeed, Rarity. That poor filly never got her super-awesome-tastic cute-ceañera. And the worst of the worst is, I had the Hippity-Hop Hippo Hopping Hot Pursuit specially tailored and prepared for that dear young soul. Truly, we live in dark times.” He stuck the party-hopper between his teeth and puffed moodily. The thing squeaked. Etiquette came to her rescue; Rarity bowed her head low in sympathy. “I’m terribly sorry to hear about that, Mister Sandwich. Is there anything we can do to help?” “Actually, I’m here to help you.” Cheese Sandwich bounced back onto his hooves and returned the bow. “You’ll find there are lots of poor ponies snapped up and smuggled back here for evil purposes, but – says I – look on the bright side. Some of them might be long-lost friends reuniting again. Look at us! We finally got to meet up after who-knows-how-long! How neat is that?” Rarity and Applejack exchanged looks. “Ahem,” said Rarity, “you were going to grant us an initiation into your team?” “Ah, rightrightright.” Cheese Sandwich threw his forelimbs about into a complex attempt at a salute. Presumably for emphasis, he blew into the party-popper again. “Hokay then, ter-roops, this his the first day of the rest hof your lives. Hyou are now part of Team Rosebud –” “Team… Rosebud?” said Applejack. “Hthat is hwhat I said, soll-jah!” Cheese leaned forwards and whispered behind his hoof, “Hey, I didn’t name it. Crystal ponies gotta take an interest in something besides crystals, right? HOKAY!” Both of them winced at the shout. Their captain strode over to a table, upon which lay a selection of treats and goodies. With a swipe, he swept a few plates aside to clear a space. They couldn’t look over his back or see what he was doing. Rarity whispered, “Tell me, do you think we’ll end up like him?” The sheer terror of the thought grabbed Applejack’s scalp and squeezed until her face stretched. Behind them both, the pig wheezed a chuckle. “Bear with me a moment, please.” Ignoring her frozen friend, Rarity stepped smartly forwards, tapped Cheese Sandwich on the shoulder, and didn’t even flinch when he rounded on her with hooves full of barding. Where did he just get that? There was nothing on or under the table a moment ago. “You’re not serious!” She curled her lip at the armour. “What? It’s traditional, and if you smear a bit of oil where the polite ponies aren’t going to see it, you’ll barely feel the chafing. Besides, when you’re out there in the arena, it’s better if you have some kind of protection –” “Do I have to wear that?” she snapped. Cheese Sandwich stuttered and mumbled and looked about for any sign of escape, but her glare eventually melted its way through and he shrugged helplessly. “Well no, but –” “Then I decline. Right. That’s all perfectly satisfactory and settled, now isn’t it?” “Er… is it?” His eyes were so shiny and wide that she felt her flames simmer down. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be so brusque and rude. It’s just… today has not been a good day. I just want to know when we can get this charade over with.” “Not even the helmet?” Rarity gave it a glance. It was glittery. Too glittery for her liking. “I’m afraid not. But I will have a slice of that delicious-looking cake, since you’ve clearly gone to a lot of trouble to make us feel welcome.” For good measure, she patted him kindly on the shoulder. “I hope they’ve been treating you well.” To her relief, the smile returned to his face. “Oh, the treatment’s fine here, once you get past the whole ‘getting kidnapped for slavery’ thing. I forget sometimes how… big it feels on the first day. One slice of cake coming up. And one for you AJ? How about you, strange pig I’ve never met before?” Both of them gave a start at being roped in. Applejack murmured her assent, and the pig grunted. “Fantastic! Here you go.” Rarity graciously levitated her plate from the top of his head, and nibbled the icing. Sugar trickled down her tongue and into her throat like the warm glow of fresh tea. She fought to keep a dignified expression on her face, but Cheese Sandwich could rival Pinkie Pie for culinary temptation. It almost amused her when both Applejack and the pig let their plates go on the floor, and then simply chomped the cake in one go. It’ll save time, at least. “Dish shtuff’sh gud,” murmured Applejack through her mouthful. She swallowed. “So what now?” “Well, I was going to see how you looked in your armour, but since we’re not doing that now” – Cheese Sandwich shrugged and beckoned them to follow him – “time to introduce you to Antipodean City!” He led them to the double doors opposite. Still levitating her cake, and plucking a fork from the table, Rarity followed. Behind her, Applejack and the pig scurried to keep up. “Oh, you guys are going to love this place! It’s a gem! Literally, in some places!” “Wait a minute,” said Applejack, almost in Rarity’s ear. “Officer Feldspar’s jus’ gonna let us wander aroun’ the city? Jus’ like that?” “Why wouldn’t she?” Cheese Sandwich pressed a hoof against the doors. “No one’s ever escaped from Antipodean City, and the Officer can stop us whenever she likes. There’s guards, those ring things, the pigs…” Cake splattered the floor as the pig took a passing bite out of it. They heard him squeal in delight. “Besides, you’re gonna be famous here! Don’t you wanna live the life while you still can, huh? Huh? Behold!” He kicked the doors open. Rarity and Applejack gasped. “Say hello,” shouted Cheese, “to Antipodean City!” Everything above the horizon was darkness, fringed with the distant lights of torches against rockface. Below that, however, stood the city. Torchlights dotted the main avenues. Constellations of streets and plazas stretched and curled and ran in lines and zigzagged across the blackness. Jagged, faceted towers rose high enough to rival skyscrapers, tubes and vines strung between them, while down below searchlights and spotlights flashed on and waved up and down. More lights flicked on. Overhead, upside-down towers hung from the ceiling like grotesque stalactites. Diamonds floated all around them, pulsing with white lights. Every building seemed to be made from obsidian or jet. Occasionally, a flare shot up or down from random spires, some pink, some green, some purple, some red. In the centre, hemmed in by a circle of patchwork crops and another circle of crystal cottages lost like pebbles amid mountains, acting as the focus of a giant red star with six points, the crystal palace was a spike of ash amid crimson embers. Pulsing underneath it was the black Crystal Heart. “That’s…” Applejack swallowed. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” Cheese Sandwich elbowed her in the ribs. Rarity realized she was gaping, and shut her mouth at once. “It looks like Tartarus crossed with Manehattan. Yet… it does have a sort of infernal urbanity, doesn’t it?” “Infernal urbanity… ha! I couldn’t have put it better myself. I can tell you are going to love this place. Come on! Wait until you see where you’re staying!” They took the avenue single-file. In the lead, Cheese Sandwich hummed and skipped to a tune only he recognized. Behind him, Rarity blushed at the stares she was getting from the crystal ponies, and that was where she began to feel the odd dark charm of the place stutter and die. Every pony was dull and held their heads low to the ground. Manes oozed like oily cascades. Polygonal pupils looked away as soon as she focused on them. Applejack scurried to walk alongside her. “It’s jus’ like the Crystal Empire, remember? Before the Princess freed it with the Crystal Heart?” Rarity coughed and took a small bite of cake. This probably isn’t a good time, but since she introduced the subject… “Applejack, this is going to sound very peculiar and unlikely, but, um, well… after I touched that dark Heart, I, um, had a kind of vision. Of Princess Cadence, actually.” She refused to meet Applejack’s eye. It sounded crazy even to her, and besides, she simply could not stop casting a critical look at the shameful way the crystal ponies had taken care of their coats. It was as if dandy brushes didn’t exist here. “Rarity, come on,” said Applejack. “Ah don’t think you’re lyin’. Why would Ah? We’re friends, ain’t we? An’ ain’t you learned by now all kinds of kooky things happen to us practically every week? You can tell me.” Rarity released a breath. “To put it bluntly, we’re going to be rescued.” “Really!?” Applejack’s voice rose. “That’s great!” “Shhh! Keep your voice down.” Both of them glanced back at the narrowed eyes of the pig. They tossed it two cheesy grins and looked forwards again. “But not yet,” Rarity continued in an undertone. “We’re in the Frozen South. It’ll take days before Princess Cadence reaches us.” “How did she know where we were, then? Ain’t they been huntin’ down the kidnappers for ages with no luck?” Rarity briefly saw a future in which she was trying to explain how special she was to someone like Applejack, who unironically called herself a humble pony farmer. In desperation, she shrugged and blushed. “I couldn’t say. Perhaps they got lucky? It doesn’t matter. The point is they know where we are and can get us out.” “Ah dunno, Rarity.” Applejack watched the nearest group of crystal ponies gasp at them and scurry away. “Ah met the leader who runs this place. That Officer Feldspar seemed pretty confident we ain’t bustin’ outta here.” “Who’s Officer Feldspar?” “Good question!” barked Cheese Sandwich between them. By the time they both stopped howling, Cheese had already jumped into the lead again and was walking backwards to talk. Rarity's plate smashed on the gleaming street, scattering the icing. “Feldspar is the head of the Company here. She makes all the cool gadgets and gizmos, and everybody’s the better off for it! Did you know that, since the Company began making Cure-All Healing Crystals, everyone now gets to live for centuries instead of just a few decades? Best lifespan in the world ever!” A glowing diamond hummed over their heads. “And that,” said Cheese, pointing, “is a Diamond-Tight Security Bite! They can see, hear, smell, and even taste anything they want. This place has the best security systems in the world. You couldn’t sneak a carrot cake crumb in here without the Bites catching a whiff of it!” “But they’re all over the place!” Rarity watched as it zipped away over the rooftops and spires. “Exactly! Cheap, affordable, and available for the whole family! Isn’t this place neat? And it’s all because Feldspar can do exactly what she wants, whenever she wants!” A pair of crystal guards strode past. For a moment, both helmets turned to watch them, slitted green eyes aglow. Applejack didn’t stop glaring until the pair vanished into the crowd. “What happens now, may I ask?” said Rarity. She didn’t like the intensity of her friend’s glare. “You’re replacing our last two guys, so Team Rosebud has to go through a preliminary game.” Cheese Sandwich “puffed” on the party-popper again, and he narrowed his eyes. “Let’s just hope Team Backstabbers aren’t involved.” “Nice name,” muttered Applejack. “Why would they be involved?” “They’re favourites. Everybody loves them, so they get dibs on testing the new recruits.” “Except you ain’t a fan o’ theirs, Ah take it?” “They’re the reason we don’t have our last two guys anymore.” Rarity grimaced. Up until now, it had sounded almost too good to be true. “Oh, I am sorry to hear that. Were they disqualified?” They walked a few more steps in silence until the doubts began to creep into her mind. She coughed awkwardly. “I hope they’re not too badly injured?” she tried. The silence, if anything, became sharper. “Wounded?” she squeaked. “Hasn’t Officer Feldspar briefed you yet?” muttered Cheese Sandwich, and there was steel in his growl. “Or you makin’ fun o’ me, kid?” “Applejack?” whispered Rarity, trying not to plea and failing badly. “She din’t mean nothin’,” said Applejack quickly. “She jus’ ain’t been briefed yet. Ah was the only one there. Ah ain’t tol’ her yet.” “Hmm.” Cheese shuffled the party-popper in his mouth. “If it keeps her happy, I s’pose. Trus’ me, you’ll need all the happiness you can get here.” “Sorry,” murmured Rarity. She still wasn’t sure what she was apologizing for, though possibly because she was trying to push aside the bit of her mind shrieking the answer. She tried to focus on that bit, either forcing an answer out or closing it in. Behind them, the pig sniffed at Applejack’s tail. “Ah, here we are,” said Cheese with false cheeriness. He stopped so suddenly they almost cannoned into him. Rarity’s mind snapped back into place. “What, this dump?” It was, to put it politely, a block with a door on the front. A crystal block, to be sure – its facets gleamed under the torchlight like obsidian – but still, basically, a block. “Chin up!” said Cheese. “It’s nice and homey, and if we pass the qualifier, we’ll end up somewhere a bit bigger.” He knocked on the door. The handle fell off. At once, a panel slid back, two pairs of eyes peeked out, and the thing slid shut again before they had time to register it. Then the entire door split in the middle, and both sides ground their way into the wall. Applejack gasped. “Morning, afternoon, evening, and night, friends!” said Flim. “It looks like we all know each other here, brother,” said Flam cheerfully. Shaking, Applejack raised a hoof. “You…” “But that’s all by-the-by, of course,” continued Flim, who raised his own hoof. A device glistened on the end. “You!” Before Rarity could stop her, Applejack lunged forwards, but the device met her chest and held her at bay. Flim, horn aglow, yawned. “Don’t be alarmed!” Flam made frantic cutting motions around his neck. “Circumstances are different this time! Let bygones be bygones! And don’t forget who saved who from before, remember?” “Hello Flim,” said Cheese dully. “Flam. ‘Fixing’ someone else’s Partymobile?” Applejack stopped struggling against the thing on her chest and rounded on him. “You know these guys?” “Well, they called themselves Straight and Narrow at the time, and they were wearing false beards, but yes, yes I know these guys. They sold me the Partymobile that fell apart halfway to Dodge Junction. Applejack, Rarity, meet your team engineers and look on the bright side of life.” Flim lowered the device. “You’ll be pleased to know we’re working on something big that’ll make sure you survive your preliminary match tomorrow.” Rarity’s ears stiffened. “‘Survive’?” “We can work out the details later,” said Flam, waving a hoof to the stairs beside them. “Please, take some time out. You’ll need your strength for all that combat tomorrow.” Beside her, Applejack groaned. Rarity’s eye twitched. “‘Combat’?” “Come on, Rarity,” said Applejack quickly, seizing her by the leg and steering her unresisting corpse – which, by staggering coincidence, she was fast resembling – towards the stairs. “Ah think some rest and relaxation’ll do us some good.” “See you tomorrow for the deathmatch!” shouted Cheese after them. The door slammed, shutting out the landing lights and plunging them into semi-darkness. Only the smoked glass windows opposite let in a cold blue glow from the tower nearby. Occasionally, a searchlight flared across the glass. Rarity stared at nothing for a long time. She didn’t even remember hearing Applejack speak. All she remembered afterwards was the tableau: the two beds on either side; the bedside tables barely fit only for holding an alarm clock each; and the bare crystalline floor like an ice rink. “‘Deathmatch’?” she breathed. “Come on, Rarity.” Applejack placed a hoof delicately on her shoulder. “Let’s get some sleep. You’ll be ready for it in the mornin’. Trust me.” Outside their door, the pig grunted and sniffed. “We’ll get out o’ here,” whispered Applejack. “Remember? We jus’ need to last long enough for the rescue to get here.” “Applejack…” “Ah swear, we can do it. We’ve gotten out of scrapes an’ fights before.” “Applejack…” Rarity swallowed. The pit opened up before her. Her lungs began to strain. Dots appeared in her vision. It was a while before she realized the room wasn’t shaking: she was. “Don’t worry,” said Applejack quickly. “Ah know where Sweetie Belle is. She ain’t gonna be involved in this. Ah know it. But…” Rarity locked on to the farmer pony’s eyes, and saw herself reflected back. “How do you know?” “Because she’s the reason why we gotta do what they want us to do.” Applejack’s voice became thick now. “An’ they got Apple Bloom too. Do you understan’? We ain't got no choice.” Understand!? Understand what? Why we have to do something we only do as a last resort? Or why you abstained from telling me anything!? She opened her mouth, but the words wouldn’t come. Applejack had steeled herself, and she knew exactly why. Rarity closed her mouth. She nodded instead. Without a word, they went to their beds. Applejack began to snore after a few minutes, but Rarity stared at her pillow. She was glaring at her own thoughts. While the white light grew, blazed, and shrank at the window, her mind hardened and sharpened, and focused, arrow-like, on the future. Something snapped inside her. She didn’t sleep all night. Despite the room’s chill, her blood boiled the entire time.