Pony People Partaking in Playing Parody Pastiches

by Eyeswirl the Weirded


"You two will be the death of me."

>>[PLAY]

"You've gotta be kidding me."

"Ah, ah, ah! You're a cat now, Aria, how do cats talk?"

Aria grumbled under her breath, and not just because she was garbed in a frilly, pink maid outfit with purple cat ears, a tail, and synthetic whiskers stuck to her face. "M-Mew've gotta be... kitten me."

"Thaaat's rii-iight," sing-songed Sonata as she indicated Adagio, who sat smiling nearby, "now go serve your master for the day!"

The Rainbooms, welcome guests at Adagio's birthday party, giggled as Aria shuffled over. To her credit, she did at least make the effort to smile as she held out the edges of her already short skirt in a curtsy.

"W-what can I do for mew?"

[FFW]>>

"Here ya go," she said as she finished cutting the cake, "just fur you."

"Ah, ah, ah! You're supposed to be a happy cat, Ari-nya!"

"Grrr..." Aria cleared her throat, then smiled brightly as she served the next piece of cake. "Just fur mew, nya!" She closed the sentiment with a wink.

[FFW]>>

Sonata giggled as Adagio and Fluttershy pet a grumpy, pouting Aria together. "Havin' fun, kitty-cat?"

"Mew. Are. Claw-ful."

[FFW]>>

"Hey guys, who wants to play pin the tail on the kitty?"

"Count me-owt!"

--[STOP]

Wearing her old dance outfit, Sonata Dusk cackled with glee as she went over the footage on her phone again. Walking down the street beside her that early evening were Sunset Shimmer, dressed in her new, blue clothes, and Adagio Dazzle, wearing Sunset's old jacket (Sunset had been picked on by a few of her friends for forgetting to wrap it or anything, but Adagio didn't complain) over Rarity's gift of a long, sleek, orange dress and a pair of sparkling, gold-tinted heels. Neither were doing an outstanding job of containing their giggles at the expense of Aria Blaze, who'd at least been allowed to change back into normal clothes (just a simple hoodie and jeans) as she walked just slightly behind them, her head down, hands in her pockets, and a mild scowl glued to her crimson face.

"Aww, lighten up, sour-puss," teased Sonata, "I deleted the shots of your cute, pink panties, just like I said."

"Thanks."

Sunset laughed a little harder at the memory of Aria tripping, falling, and flashing her underwear to the entire party. She still wasn't sure if Sonata had gotten her to fall on purpose, but darned if she wasn't quick with that camera. She looked over the three of them with a smile, all three now wearing their purified gems, the cracks barely visible from when they'd been glued back together.

That that had actually worked only gave Sunset a tiny aneurysm at the time.

Still, the sirens had come a long way since the day they came back to CHS, having agreed to give harmony magic a chance since their gems were cleansed of chaos energy, to the point that all three had at least two or three close friends in Sunset's own group. That thought alone made her all warm inside, but still, she turned to Aria with an inquisitive look.

"So, I've been wondering about this all day; if you were that embarrassed, why did you go through with the cat-maid thing as your gift to Adagio?"

"I didn't, I was the gift."

"Huh?"

"It was me," cheered Sonata, "Aria owed me a bunch of favors and I cashed 'em all in for today," she grinned wickedly while pointing at Aria, "and nailed! Your! Butt!"

"Yea, yea," muttered the former cat-girl, "yuck it up." She glanced at Adagio, who was visibly stifling her giggles. "No, seriously," she said in complete sincerity, "go ahead and laugh. We tell you every year that that's part of the gift."

"I know, I know, but..." She giggled for several seconds. "Well, if you don't mind my saying it, you make for a very cute cat-maid." She giggled a little more as Aria blushed and rolled her eyes, but she could see that stubborn smile. Noticing that Sunset still looked a little lost, Adagio opted to play Exposition Fairy. It was a title Pinkie Pie had granted her the third time she delivered an impromptu history lesson when asked about their background. As she drew the sparkling fairy wand Pinkie had given her today from out of her hair, it was a title Adagio decided she was happy to keep, twirling the wand a few times in the air as she began.

"When the three of us arrived in this world, we had never heard of birthdays before. It just wasn't a concept back home, so we were initially lukewarm on the practice. After just a few years, however, we grew to appreciate having a few days a year in which we could just be nice to the birthday girl." She squeaked in surprise as Sonata latched onto her in an especially cuddly hug.

"And today, that's you!"

"Y-yes," she replied with a little grin as Aria stepped close enough to wrap an arm around her too, "even if you two get a little overenthusiastic sometimes."

Smiling, Sunset tilted her head a little. "Overenthusiastic?"

"They wouldn't even let me out of bed this morning until they'd served me breakfast there."

Sonata smiled proudly. "But it was good, right?"

"You threatened to keep me there with handcuffs!"

"Yea," Aria said with a little smirk, "but the food was good?"

Adagio made a few different faces before sighing and settling on contentment. "...Yes, yes it was. Thank you both."

Sunset got another dose of Warm Fuzzies in her chest as Adagio was again hugged between the two of them. "But, uh... isn't the forced, embarrassing cosplay thing kinda mean?"

When released, Adagio twirled her fairy wand again. "Well, things took a slightly different direction from the norm over the years. My gifts to these two are usually something they may get lasting, practical use out of, like a personal mini-fridge or an elegant sword display rack."

Sonata's midnight snacking made perfect sense to Sunset, but Aria's thing for sharp objects had been all kinds of frightening back when they were first getting to know the sirens.

"And when she can't think of anything like that," Aria cut in, touching one fingertip to the wand, "she sends us places."

"Yea, like-" Sonata maneuvered one arm to she could touch the wand too, "going on a cruise, or skydiving over somewhere super scenic to find a picnic of our favorite foods and an outdoor movie right by the landing area! Aria even went on a pirate island adventure once!"

Adagio facepalmed. "For the thousandth time, I told you girls that wasn't supposed to happen!"

"For the thousandth time," Aria replied with a smirk, "not buyin' it."

"Really! Even if I didn't object to you being stranded on an island full of remorseless, well-armed thugs that probably haven't seen a woman in a long time (which I do, I really, really do), how could I have arranged for the hurricane that hit the area when your ship was passing through?! I was worried sick!!"

"I dunno, but-" Still touching the wand, Aria counted off on the fingers of her opposite hand. "-you've pulled off some scary stuff before when you really wanted something, weather spells were a big thing back home, you knew more about magic than most of the Royal Sentinels, and you just happened to show up with the 'rescue' boat right after I'd beaten their boss, secured a fat sack of loot, and started looking for an escape route. Total coincidence? You're not that good a liar, Adagio."

Adagio groaned, rubbing her temples while muttering about how the two of them would be the death of her.

Chuckling, Aria smiled brightly as she brought the group to a stop. "We're here!"

Looking up, the other three girls found themselves outside a performance hall, tonight's show proudly labeled 'Happy Birthday, Adagio!'

The target blinked twice. "Wh-what? What did you do?"

Aria beamed. "You'll find out real soon. Remember the balcony we usually go to when we come here? The little private one?"

"Yes, but-"

"Great, you guys head there, I gotta check on some stuff!"

She took off, Adagio calling after her in vain as she shot through the front doors. Sighing, Adagio turned to Sunset and Sonata. "Well, this should be interesting."

"If we're in for a show," Sonata said as she followed Aria's footsteps, "I'mma grab some snacks, catch ya at the usual spot!"

When it was just her and Adagio, Sunset picked up with her yet-unanswered question. "So, you said you guys do something a little different for birthdays, but I'm still not seeing where the humiliating dress-up comes in.

"Oh, right..." It tickled Sunset just how much mileage Adagio was getting out of Pinkie's gift as she cleared her throat and gave the wand another twirl, the two of them heading into the building together. "Aria and Sonata are a the ones that shake things up the most. On each others' birthdays, they started by giving the other cheap, shoddy gifts out of disdain, like cute, but stitch-covered ragdolls or a flashlight that, while very bright, has terrible battery life. Then, because the bar was initially set so low, they started trying to 1-up each other, getting nicer and nicer gifts every year. By now, they're trading expertly-crafted works or one-of-a-kind antique objects they know the other would like, but because it's only a little nicer than last year's gift, they act like they're still giving the other worthless trash." She giggled. "I think seeing the look on their rival gift-giver's face, from giddy joy to tearful astonishment, just sweetens it further when they can keep acting like it's nothing."

When they got to the balcony, Sunset took in the view. It wasn't the fanciest place she'd ever been in, but the elegant decor, furnished chairs, and dim lighting reminded her of the kinds of places Princess Celestia had tried to get her to enjoy ("I have work to do, who has time for that 'art school' nonsense?!") back in Equestria. The stage below didn't offer anything more than massive, red curtains and a lot of people in the seats in front of it. Sunset didn't see anyone she recognized before Adagio picked up with her explanation.

"Which brings us to what they do on my birthday."

Sunset turned to her with a raised eyebrow. "Cosplay and performance halls?"

Adagio sat down, patting one of the soft, velvety chairs next to her and smiling as Sunset took a seat. "Not exactly. Before, they would get me something I liked and we'd carry on as normal, but one year early on, they had a fight the week before my birthday, one that left them sulking and sniping at each other for days. I'd fully expected this to dampen the day, so I was pleasantly surprised when both gave me gifts that worked on two levels. On the surface, they were something that I could earnestly enjoy, but looking deeper, there was always some sign of anger, annoyance, or disdain for the other, something that worked as a gift for me and a prank on each other."

"Like an embarrassing cat-maid outfit complete with puns?"

"Something like that, yes." Thinking back, she giggled. "I don't know what Aria is up to today, but this wasn't the first time Sonata tricked/blackmailed/arranged for her to put on something fluffy and adorable to entertain me."

Gently nudging Adagio with an elbow, Sunset shot her a tiny smirk. "Does that mean you really do like Fluttershy's gift?"

Adagio blushed a little as she happily clasped her hands together. "I call him Needle-Maw."

Sunset giggled. She'd thought Adagio was just trying to spare Fluttershy's feelings when she said she appreciated the felt angler fish, but it seemed she really did like soft, cuddly things.

"Oh, and you know that back room at our house?"

Now it was Sunset that blushed. "Uh... th-the one with all the...?"

"BDSM equipment, yes." She grinned mischievously as Sunset fidgeted in her seat. "You remember, right?"

"I was just looking around!!"

Smirking, Adagio glanced away. "You certainly were." Chuckling as Sunset covered her flushed face with both hands, she got to the point. "A few years ago, Aria got the idea to incorporate that room for one of her gift-pranks following a mishap that had left me furious with Sonata around the time of my birthday. The punishment, Aria suggested to me, was that Sonata would test out some of the equipment (mainly the rack and the auto-spanker), then write what amounted to a book report on it."

Sunset snorted with amusement.

"For a grade."

Then she laughed.

"Less than a C meant repeating the lesson." She smiled as Sunset started howling, continuing when Sunset started to catch her breath. "Aria knew that I wanted some feedback on the things from someone that didn't have the same tastes as me, so she came up with the punishment, assignment, and grading rubric." She chuckled. "I don't know how they determine who 'wins' from year to year, but..." Though still smiling, her lower lip twitched as she tried to suppress the growing lump in her throat. "I-it's a difficult balancing act they pull, you know? Blending something nice for me, but mean for the other, meticulously careful to make sure I'll enjoy it as much as possible, but without going too far in abuse of their victim or doing something that would leave me more annoyed or worried than delighted or entertained. They don't have to do that, put in so much extra work, but every time I've told them that, they just smile at me, proud." She was startled by a hand ruffling her hair from behind.

"'Cuz that's how we know we did it right, Dagi!" Sonata vaulted over the chair next to her to take her seat, a big tub of popcorn in one hand. "Want some?"

Seeing the exchange of warm grins between the two sirens, Sunset got another tingly shot of Warm Fuzzies. Then the sounds of squeaky wheels were heard behind them, making all three turn to see Aria bringing an oxygen tank and breath mask around to where Adagio was sitting.

"Hey guys! You all comfy? Need anything?"

Looking squarely at the canister of breathing aid, Adagio raised an eyebrow, a note of worry in her voice. "Ariaaaa...?"

Aria just smiled. "Don't worry, not blowing stuff up or anything, but if you think you need this for any reason, feel free, 'kay?"

"What? Why would-" Aria was already jogging away. "Aria!!"

"Trust me, just stay put!"

Huffing quietly, Adagio crossed her arms as she again scanned the tank and breath mask. "I worry about her sometimes."

When Adagio wasn't looking, Sonata mouthed 'All the time' to Sunset. Sunset giggled.

Before long, the lights dimmed everywhere but the stage, where the curtains slowly drew back to reveal Aria, her hair down and wearing a glittering, red dress, standing center stage with a mic in her hand. Without preamble, music began and she started to sing.

"Ohh," whispered Sonata, "so that's what she's doing!"

"What," Sunset whispered across from Adagio, hoping the unbroken gaze and tender smile as Adagio watched Aria meant they weren't distracting her from the show, "what is she doing?"

As Adagio was barely holding onto it anymore with her eyes glued to the stage, Sonata deftly swiped the fairy wand and gave it a quick twirl. "We all have songs we really like singing, but sometimes it's nice to hear someone else play for us, and, as good as we are, all three of us have songs we sorta feel like someone else does better, and I'm pretty sure Aria is doing the ones Dagi feels that way about for her."

It touched Sunset that the sirens could be this sweet with each other even before their reform. Still... "But, aren't you worried she's going to prank you with this? Dagi told me about you guys' little contest." She guessed the answer was 'no' as Sonata giggled.

"Nah, 'cuz like, we did a duet show for Dagi once way back before any of that started, and there's nothing she could do to get me while singing something Dagi liked." She rubbed her hands together in comically sinister fashion. "Which means I totally win!"

That didn't explain the oxygen tank, but Sunset opted to let that slide in favor of enjoying the show.

Aria performed several songs, some passionate, some haunting, all beautiful. As touching as the melodies were, Sunset got a special kind of kick out of the expressions Adagio made throughout, as it was clear she was savoring the songs more than anyone in the audience below. Eventually, Aria finished a song, waited for that round of applause to end, then signaled to someone off stage. Large sections of the floor around her opened up, slowly lifting a choir and a whole orchestra to accompany her for the last song. Just before beginning, she looked up at the balcony, got happy waves from the three of them, smiled sweetly, and cued her sixty-piece backup.

Oh, we've been together for a real long time,
and I hope that it can stay that way.
It's just been the three of us for ages,
though we have plenty of friends today.

I have always cherished the times we had,
and I'd love to be together all our lives...

Aria's tone turned harsher as the music picked up.

But Sonata, you make me wish I'd gone solo,
'cuz I swear you're brainless,
life would be painless,
if I didn't spend it wondr'ing how our group sur-vives!

The eyes of all three spectators on the private balcony widened.

Out of all the folks,
to tell stupid jokes,
you'll always be The Worst to me.
Knowing you is fun,
like a trip to the sun,
you'll always be The Worst to me.

When you make a souffle,
the house reeks for a day,
and your cooking always tastes like garbage an-y-way!
Your attempts to impress,
they bring us nothing but stress,
you'll always be... The Worst to me.

A hand clamped over her mouth, Adagio started snickering as Sonata burned a hot, angry red.

You're dumber than a new-born, brain-dead, two-headed hydra, with one of those heads shoved up its ass!
You're even more annoying than a room full of babies,
screaming their little heads off 'til the noise shatters the glass!
Your constant failure to get sarcasm was never that amusing to me...
And I just can not stand the smell and the wafting odor
of when you get back, from the local taco shack;
that bad breath and stench of death you're spewing cons-tant-ly!

Oh, you make me regret,
the very day that we met,
you'll always be The Worst to me.
My sanity slips,
when you move your lips,
yea, you'll always be The Worst to me.

Now my patience is scant,
when you forget to wear pants,
and all the crumbs you leave from snacking fill the house with ants!
Oh, it's always a pain,
when we have to explain,
you'll always be... The Worst to me!

And while your fashion sense ain't terrible, most of your wardrobe is pink!
So tell me, when you come around givin' fashion tips, why the Hell I'd care what you think?!
And by the way, your fruit punch recipe ain't doin' it for me,
'cuz I guarantee you're doin' it all wrong!
Even a moron knows that you don't get grapejuice from apples,
and you use so much sugar that if anyone drinks, it'll come back up before loooong!!

After years of attrition,
I have this admission;
You will always be The Worst to me!
I don't care if you can touch your toes,
up to the tip of your nose!
You will always be The Worst to me!
And the biggest joke is that people think you're the 'nice' one,
'cuz you're always so damn stupid, spacey, and clum-sy!

Now I've said it before...
I'll say it evermore!
You'll always be... The Worst to me.

As that last line repeated in a choir, Adagio, tears streaming down her face, desperately fumbled for the oxygen tank and breath mask through her laughter, Sonata scowling even as Sunset shot her an apologetic smile for cracking up herself. Most of the audience was laughing too.

(You'll always be The Worst to me.)
(You'll always be The Worst to me.)
(You'll always be The Worst to me.)

Aria helped.

(You'll always be The Worst to me.) You suck so much!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.) Oh, yea!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.)

(You'll always be The Worst to me.) I'm goin' crazy!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.) Oh, man!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.)

(You'll always be The Worst to me.) For realzies!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.) You suck!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.)

(You'll always be The Worst to me.) Your punch is awful!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.)
Even if we get along sometimes I still think that you really really suck!
(SUCK!) You really are the...
(WORST!) Go back to sleep!
You're The Worst to me, yea you're The Worst to me!

(You'll always be The Worst to me.) The Worst!
(You'll always be The Worst to me.) Ohhh~!
You'll always be The Worrr-rrst to me!

(To me!) To me!

(Ahhh-ahhh-ahhhh~!)

When the music stopped, Aria bowed, happily soaking up the applause, even though it was harder to hear Adagio laughing from there. She waited until the curtains closed to signal that the show was over before quickly making her way up to the balcony where, as she'd hoped, Adagio was still rolling around on the floor and clutching the breath mask for dear life. The sight (well, give or take the oxygen tank) never failed to make her all tingly inside! She hadn't been sure Sunset would laugh too, but whether it was because she thought it was funny or found Adagio's laughter contagious, Aria was pretty sure she hadn't gone too far if she wasn't being chewed out for this by the local friendship monk. Then she stepped around to collect the other bonus to her gift for Adagio; the delicious look of frustrated defeat on Sonata's crimson face. Aria smirked.

"Well? Aren't you gonna say what a great job I did?" The death-glare just made her smile wider! "What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?"

"Screw. You," Sonata answered through gritted teeth. "Where did you even get that last song?"

Holding her head high, Aria took up a proud, hands-on-hips pose. "I didn't 'get' it anywhere, I wrote it myself." Because Sonata was still sitting down, it was a little hard to see the way her jaw went slack without dropping her super-hero pose.

"Wha-?! But, we don't write songs, Dagi is always the one that writes our songs!"

Aria shrugged. "Took a while, but it wasn't as hard as I thought." She'd have kept bragging in that socially-acceptable offhand way, but Sunset had managed to recover from her gigglefits.

"Great show, Aria, I think she-" she indicated Adagio, "-really loved it. You handled the slow, passionate songs a lot better than I'd have expected, too."

"Hah, yea," Aria said with a wry grin and a little blush, idly brushing the back of her neck, "I needed something to lead up to the big one and she never gets tired of making me sing that gushy crud."

Having seen the way Aria got into those tunes, Sunset just giggled. Then she noticed the still-angry-pouting Sonata and her smile weakened. "Still, um..." Sonata must have anticipated her thoughts, because she shot her a little smile.

"It's okay, Sunset, I know she didn't mean it, but you don't get that-" she said while indicating the girl who continued to laugh herself sick, "-by pulling punches."

"I guess not... But, she kinda looks like she's in pain here."

Sonata shook her head. "Nah, give or take split sides, I'm pretty sure she doesn't mind. Right, Dagi?"

Adagio, still shaking with laughter, managed a weak nod.

"Besides," Aria added, "no matter how dainty she might act, Adagio's always been the toughest of us, always taking her spankings with a smile. Usually while offering tips." Eyeing Sonata with a hint of disdain, Aria crossed her arms. "Unlike a certain C-student." She grinned as Sonata turned all red again.

"S-screw you, that thing freakin' stings!"

"I'm just saying, you could have earned more points if you'd gone into detail." She looked to Sunset to glean a more scholarly perspective on the matter, but found her to be locked up where she stood, blushing furiously and looking really uncomfortable. Looking back at Sonata, she could see that the little sense of guilt for talking about this stuff in front of an innocent (y'know, give or take all that stuff she did) highschool girl was mutual, so they settled for waiting for Adagio to catch her breath.

When she could get to her feet again, Adagio rose, stumbled over to Sonata, and practically fell on her as she wrapped her arms around her in a hug. "S-sorry, f-for-"

Smiling, Sonata stepped back enough to boop her nose. "We told you you're supposed to enjoy this stuff, silly." Being laughed at wasn't exactly fun, but given what she'd subjected Aria to this morning, she couldn't complain too much. That, and Aria's happy little smile when Adagio turned to hug her, muttering into her chest about how much she liked the show and how touched she was that Aria put it together for her, made fer feel all warm inside!

"C'mon," Aria said while gently patting Adagio's back, "I've got one more thing to show you backstage; the last part of this year's gift."

Adagio blinked twice. "Hm...?"

---

>>[PLAY]

Every night in my dreams,
I see you,
I feeeeel you...

"You had the whole thing recorded, too?"

"Yea, but that's not the best part."

"Would that be the stack of bills I see over there? Tonight's ticket sales, I presume?"

"A profitable bonus, but no. Lemme just..."

[FFW]>>

Oh, we've been together for a real long time,
and I hope that it can stay that way...

The very last song, the girls who weren't part of the show immediately noticed, had a corner of the screen labeled Nata-Cam, showing Sonata's face through the whole song.

But Sonata, you make me wish I'd gone solo,
'cuz I swear you're brainless,
life would be painless,
if I didn't spend it wondr'ing how our group sur-vives!

Adagio was giggling almost right away, but the look of shock on the blue girl next to her in tandem with the recording of that same face was too much for her, sending her into another bout of composure-destroying laughter that had her sink to her knees in under a minute. Sonata, for her part, made a face of rage and embarrassment similar to that of her onscreen counterpart at a snickering Aria.

"You know what? Next time, I'm keeping the panty-shots!"

"Yea," Aria scoffed, "good luck getting me in a skirt again."

Sonata smirked viciously. "That's what you said last time!"

Her triumphant grin wavering, Aria covered with a dismissive eye-roll. "Whatever."

Ongoing feuds aside, the two looked down at their cackling, crying leader as she kicked her legs in the air.

"Th-the tank," she gasped, "s-someone, plea-hee-heeze, hahahahahaha!!"

Tickled at the display even if she still wasn't completely comfortable with having that much fun at someone's expense, Sunset smiled a little. "Sure thing, birthday girl, sit tight."

Sunset jogged back toward the balcony where they'd left the oxygen tank, idly brushing her fingers over the object she'd been holding onto all day in her jacket pocket. She may have given Adagio her old jacket already, but even if she could get a moment alone with her now, she wasn't sure she wanted to give her a gift after that. It would have been nicer to give it to her on her birthday, but maybe some time in the morning or the next day, Adagio might still accept a tube of cinnamon lipstick.

Backstage, Aria and Sonata watched as Adagio continued to roll around clutching her sides as the last chorus to the song played. Looking at each other, they traded warm little smiles. It was a lot of work putting stuff like this together, but to get such a pure reaction from the otherwise perpetually-guarded heart of their mother in everything but name (and biology, but details, details), it was well worth it.