A Dark and Pony Night

by Epsilon-Delta


Potion

Madame Pinkie spread the tarrot cards across the table before Rarity, being very careful not to knock over the candles, insence, bottles or dozen other knickknacks that cluttered the table. Really her entire cabin/wagon was cluttered to the point of cringe. Rarity was far too ladylike to say that outright, but the fact remained that anywhere you cared to look there was junk piled upon junk. At least, Rarity assumed it was all junk, not much looked to be of any value.

Old books were lying everywhere, with boxes of cloth and assorted junk stacked on top of them and candles stacked on top of those boxes and sometimes there were even things on top of candles (the unlit ones, of course). True to form, some of it was rather ominous, bottles labeled 'spider blood', various skulls hanging on the wall, a set of pots emitting green and blue sgummmoke, though Rarity had no idea if they were supposed to do that. Though on the other hoof there were about a dozen frying pans, a stack of boardgames and an accordion too, ruining the illusions.

Needless to say, Rarity wouldn't be wasting her time in such a place were she not seeking Pinkie's services.

Pinkie moved her hoof over the cards, made a 'woo' sound and flipped one over. The picture on it was of a pony being hanged by a noose. Rarity frowned at that, leaning in for a closer look.

“That looks bad,” said Rarity. “Is that bad?”

“No, no!” Pinkie waved Rarity's concern away. “The Hanged Mare represents sacrifice. The card says you should take time to think about what you're doing instead of acting too fast.”

“And what exactly does being hanged have to do with any of that?” Rarity asked.

“Well normally she's just being hung by her hooves, but this deck is extra spooky. Wooooo.” Pinkie waved her hooves in front of Rarity.

Rarity was unamused.

Pinkie flipped over the next card. It was the 'death' card, with the pony reaper on it and everything.

“Okay.” Rarity went back to frowning. “Now I know that one is bad.”

“Heh heh. Nope!” Pinkie shook her head. “Common misconception. The 'Death' card doesn't represent death, it represents change! It's saying something is going to change, Rarity. Could be good could be bad. Who knows?”

“Something's going to change? Well I could have predicted that,” said Rarity.

“And so could the cards,” said Pinkie, “only they predicted it first. Wooooooo!”

Pinkie waved her hooves again. Rarity sighed and rolled her eyes. She was getting tired of that. Pinkie flipped over the third card. It was 'The Tower'.

“Finally one that's not about dying,” said Rarity.

“Youch.” Pinkie bit her lip.

“What?”

“Actually, The Tower is kinda sort of bad,” said Pinkie. “The worst one, actually. It represents tragedy and disaster. Looks like you're not gonna take your time and the change will be for the worst.”

Rarity wasn't entirely sure if she believed in any of this, but figured it was worth a shot. Rarity always knew she was destined for glory. Born into a low-class family she may be, but she had the heart of a noble and knew one day she would have the luxurious life of one, the life she deserved. Rarity worked so hard to gain the wealth, the prestige, the prince charming of her dreams, but despite all of her efforts so little of it was materializing.

Especially the part about the stallion. Really you'd think that'd be the easy part. Mares with half of Rarity's charm and a tenth of her beauty managed to find one, but for Rarity, like in everything else, it just never seemed to work out. Stallion after stallion and yet not one of them gave her that spark of passion or had that noble heart she was looking for. None of them were a true stud, a true prince.

So maybe it was a long shot, but if Madame Pinkie and her cards could give her any clues it would be worth thirty bits.

“Just get to the good part,” said Rarity. “What does it say about love? When will I find my prince charming and live happily ever after in my magical castle?”

Pinkie flipped over a card. To Rarity's delight it was 'The Lovers', two ponies kissing with a large heart in the background. Pinkie seemed less enthusiastic.

“Hmm.” Pinkie tapped her chin and picked up the card to carefully inspect it.

“Well? What does it mean?” Rarity leaned around the card to look at Pinkie. “Don't tell me Love represents spiders in tarot or something.”

“Of course it doesn't!” Pinkie put the card back down with a laugh. “This card says you're a lesbian.”

Rarity starred at Pinkie with disbelief for some time, but all she got was a very slow shrug from Pinkie.

“Excuse me? A lesbian?” Rarity scrunched her nose in horror when she realized Pinkie was being serious. She was about to scold Pinkie for that insult, but no, Rarity was an accepting, politically correct mare. She knew it wasn't proper to see such a thing as an insult, at least not these days. “I assure you I am not a lesbian. I am a very feminine and proper lady and while I accept the right of other ponies to choose how they live their lives, I could never be anything of the sort. Your little piece of cardboard must be broken.”

“I dunno.” Pinkie poked at the card a few times. “This card is pretty sure you're a lesbian. And a really kinky one too. Like, it says you'd be really into bondage and vore if you ever gave them a chance.”

“Bondage and vo-!” Rarity bolted right up. The nerve! “How dare you?! I would never even consider such undignified-!”

“Whoa! Whoa!” Pinkie waved her hooves defensively. “That's what the cards say, not me. I'm just the messenger.”

“Well then tell the cards that I don't like being insulted,” said Rarity.

“I think they already heard you, but okay.”

Pinkie leaned down and whispered something to the deck of cards, looking up at Rarity with a nervous smile when she was done. Without another word, Pinkie flipped over another card. This one had seven wands on it.

“This card says there's nothing wrong with being a lesbian or having kinky fetishes so long as you're both consenting adults and don't go making everypony else uncomfortable,” said Pinkie. “It goes on to say that you really wouldn't know what you're into since you have no experience with love and should probably just take its word for it.”

“I'll have you know I have plenty of experience with love, thank you very much.”

“No.” Pinkie flipped over the magician card. “This card says you're a virgin and it's probably going to stay that way for a long, long time.”

“I'm just saving myself for marriage,” Rarity insisted.

Pinkie flipped over a card with a picture of the sun on it.

“This card doesn't think that's the case,” said Pinkie. “It says that your own sexual and emotional repression is leading you to be disillusioned with every relationship you enter into because it plays into what society expects of you instead of fulfilling your actual wants and needs. It goes on to say that you'll most likely never admit that and end up an old maid who constantly keeps bottling up her negative emotions until one Hearth's Warming Eve when you're forty-five and still single you visit your sister and her family and during dinner you finally snap and run out into the snow screaming because someone dropped a fork. And that mental breakdown is going to lead to you being institutionalized at the Spitfire Memorial Psychiatric Facility in Canterlot for the rest of your life. Also apparently it thinks Spitfire will be dead by then.”

“That's nothing but a picture of the sun on this card!” Rarity scoffed. “How could it possibly say all of that?”

“Tarot reading is a very subtle art.” Pinkie closed one eye and leaned in to stare at the card with the other. “Just the tiniest little detail can change the meaning completely.”

“Just tell me this- do your cards have anything useful to say or are they just going to keep calling me a virgin loser who will never get a date?” Rarity asked.

Pinkie flipped over the two of coins.

“Well this card apologizes for the bluntness of the other cards and says it knows a mare that's your type it could hook you up with.” Pinkie gave Rarity a sultry wink. “Says they like vore too.”

“Okay, now you're just messing with me.”

“No! The cards seriously said that,” Pinkie assured her. “The cards know all! They're never wrong. Hooking you up would be easy for them.”

“Well if the cards know so much then what number, from one to ten, am I thinking of?” Rarity asked.

Pinkie flipped over a card, revealing the four of cups.

“Ha!” Rarity gave her mane a victory flick. “It was twenty-seven! If the cards knew all they would have known I broke the rules.”

“But you don't understand, Rarity! The number four represents the number twenty-seven in tarot”

“I think we're done here.”

Rarity got up and started trotting towards the door.

“Wait!” Pinkie reached a hoof out across the table in a bit of a rush, knocking over a lot of her clutter. Thankfully, she didn't knock over the candles. “Before you go I have to warn you to never, ever buy this love potion from me!”

Rarity turned back to see Pinkie holding a bottle filled with a mysterious, white liquid.

“You mean the potion you had under the counter and I would have never even seen had you not just taken it out?” Rarity asked.

“Yes.” Pinkie nodded. “Trust me, you don't want to buy this. It's fifteen bits if you want it, but don't let that low price make you think this is an incredible deal! You'd regret it”.

“I certainly don't want to buy anything from you.” Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Not after you insulted me to my face.”

“Good.” Pinkie quickly pulled the potion away. “Under no circumstance should you ever, ever buy that potion. It'd be the worst mistake of your little pony life! I was worried you'd be tempted to buy if from me cause, you know, it'd technically solve all of your problems if you did.”

“Would it now?”

“Completely! This is basically the solution to everything wrong with your love life.” Pinkie eyed the bottle critically and ran a hoof across it. “Give this to somepony to drink and– BAM! Instantly madly in love with you. They'll devote their entire life to fulfilling your desires and love you unconditionally no matter what for that point on. You wouldn't even have to worry about going on dates anymore. But it'd be horrible so don't buy it!”

“What's so horrible about getting another pony to finally adore me?” Rarity asked. “Do they become overly obsessive, never leaving me alone? Or so possessive they murder everypony who so much as looks at me?”

“Nothing like that, no. You'd have to give them at least ten bottles for them to be that crazy in love with you,” said Pinkie. “Just one bottle wouldn't have any bad side effects like that.”

“Then what is the catch? You keep saying it'd be horrible.”

“Well it tastes like coconut.”

“And?”

“And I really don't like coconut.” Pinkie shrugged. “Also I guess the mind control part is morally reprehensible. So those are the two reasons why I can never allow its use. I'll still sell it to you, though. Only twenty bits! If you buy one the second one's fifty percent off, but I warn you that will be the only silver lining.”

Rarity knew she should be more doubtful about this thing working, but she wanted to believe it did. She wanted to believe something good had finally happened. A love potion certainly would solve her problems, possibly more than even just the love problem. Wouldn't it be wonderful to marry a stallion with wealth and prestige, thus obtaining it herself?

Rarity felt she deserve something like that.

“Well I think me not being able to get what I want is far more reprehensible,” said Rarity. “And even if it is technically mind control, whoever I gave it to would be the luckiest stallion in the world because he would get to live with me. I'll take it.”

“This is your last warning, Rarity,” said Pinkie. “I don't want to sell it to you so don't make me by giving me twenty bits! And I do take credit card, so uh, beware of that.”

“And this is your twenty bits.” Rarity threw the bits on the table.

Without any protest Pinkie happily tossed the potion over to Rarity, who grabbed it and trotted outside. Pinkie picked Gummi up from under the table.

“That poor, deluded town-pony.” Pinkie shook her head and looked down at Gummi. “Why do these non-gypsy never listen to my dire warnings, Gummi?”

Gummi had no answer.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Rarity sat in her parlor the next day, looking at the love potion she'd bought. There were two questions that faced her now, how to use it and who to use it on. The former wasn't so hard. The potion was fairly small, so it could be easily slipped into any drink without somepony noticing. Perhaps a little bit of setup would be needed, but Rarity was a cunning mare.

The latter? It took her a long night of thought, but Rarity had decided on Pierce. He had everything Rarity was looking for in a stallion. He was rich, had influence in Canterlot and was rather good looking to boot. If this seriously worked, why just marrying him alone would greatly improve Rarity's standing in the world.

And just Rarity's luck she did have business with him today! He was coming over to pick up a suite she'd made for him. Normally upper class stallions didn't give commoner mares like Rarity much attention, so flirting wouldn't get her very far. The potion, though? She'd see.

Rarity poured it into a pitcher of lemonade, carefully crafted so as to look nearly empty. All she'd need to do was offer him a drink and that'd be that. She knew for a fact Pierce couldn't resist lemonade, everypony in town knew that! Half the foals in the city had coerced him into buy some for nearly fifty bits a glass, knowing that.

The door to her boutique opened and in came Rainbow Dash. Rarity didn't like that mare one bit, but then nearly all the ponies in this town were insufferable and beneath her. Dash's problem was how uncouth she was, the exact opposite of Rarity's grace in every way. Really, Rarity was surprised that pony even wore cloths.

“Rarity-”

“Yes, yes.” Rarity made herself smile. She needed to do that a lot in this town. “I know why you're here. Just give me a minute and I'll go get your cloths.”

She'd normally engage in pleasant talk with her customers, that was important to getting ahead, but today she was just so nervous she wanted to get Dash out of here as soon as possible. She didn't want a single pony other than her target around. Rarity moved into the other room to go get what Dash had commissioned

“Celestia, I'm so thirst,” Dash moaned to herself. “Hey, you don't mind if I have some of this, right?”

Without waiting for an answer, Dash picked up the pitcher and drank. The whole pitcher. That mare- no manners at all! Just swooping in and helping herself to the... the lemonade

Oh dear.

It was too late to shout out to her, she already drank it! And now suddenly Rarity was desperately hoping that potion didn't work. What didn't help that situation at all was the way Dash's attention was slowly pulled towards her.

Dash was looking at Rarity like she'd never seen a pony, or perhaps anything else for that matter, before. She looked Rarity over from horn to hoof in a way that did not reassure Rarity in the least bit.

“Did you do something with your hair, Rarity?” Dash cocked her head and moved in for a closer look.

“Um. N-no.” Rarity backed away, giving a quick glance in another direction. “Why do you ask?”

Dash just walked straight up to Rarity paying no attention to her personal space whatsoever until Rarity was cornered against a wall. A huge, giddy smile came over Dash's face. She looked like a filly staring at her Hearth's Warming gifts, barely able to keep herself from diving in.

“Because you look so awesome today!” Dash pranced in place a little. “No idea how I didn't notice it earlier, but you're sexier than a freaking Wonderbolt, Rarity. A freaking Wonderbolt! I just want to stare at you forever! And I hate that kind of stuff!”

“Well I'm well aware of my charm,” said Rarity, who did not want to be starred at for the next five seconds, let alone forever. She gave Dash a little push but Dash didn't take the hint. “And I'm flattered by the compliment, but I'm not into mares. You understand, don't you dear?”

“I didn't think I was a lesbian until two seconds ago either,” said Dash. “Apparently sexuality is something that can turn on a dime. So come, just go on one date with me? I'll bet you'll suddenly realize you're a lesbian too.”

Great. The potion really did work. But just how obsessed would Dash become? Pinkie assured her it wouldn't be too crazy, but Rarity didn't want to take any chances. The last thing she needed was a mare constantly trying to seduce her, certainly not such a rough one, that'd be bad for her image.

“Now, Rainbow Dash,” said Rarity, sidestepping her way out of the corner, “I really must insist that-”

Without warning, one of the windows shattered open and what looked like a meteor of mud came hurtling inside. It was all over so fast Rarity barely saw any more than that, but the result was a giant mess.

Furniture was knocked over, things were broken, soggy cardboard boxes littered the room, and there was mud everywhere. Mud splattered all over the walls, drenched the carpet and buried whatever had been nearby. And in the center of this mud explosion, lying face down,was Derpy Hooves.

“Oh no! I'm so sorry, Rarity!” Derpy scrambled back to her hooves and gave an apologetic bow.

Rarity looked over the piles and piles of mud. There was so much of it and it was all over everything. You see this? This was what Rarity's life was like– it was just one disaster after the next!

“I don't even understand where all this mud came from!” Rarity picked up one of the mud drenched boxes with her horn, being sure to hold it far away from herself.

“Well they started this thing called 'The Monthly Mud Box'” Derpy rubbed the back of hear head sheepishly. “I don't really see what's so great about imported mud, but anyway I gotta deliver boxes of mud now. Guess I messed that up too.”

“Well you can be certain that I'll be complaining to-” Rarity stopped scolding Derpy when she came to a realization. The dresses that were due tomorrow, the ones for the Canterlot nobles, they were near where Derpy hit.

Rarity rushed over to check it they were alright and they most certainly were not. They used to be bedazzled with jewles shinning with vibrant color, and now they were bedazzled with a thick layer of mud shinning the nastiest shade of brown.

“Oh no! Not these!” Rarity whined. “They're being picked up tomorrow and now I need to wash them! And I already have so much work to do!”

“I'm sorry, Rarity.” Derpy reached a hoof out. “But I'll clean it up, I promise! I won't leave until-”

“No!” Rarity snapped her hoof out in front of Rarity. She did not want Derpy helping with anything. She'd learned the hard way that was always a bad idea. “Or rather, what I meant to say was that this is no big deal. Really! It'll only take me a few seconds. You just run along, dear.”

Rarity started pushing Derpy towards the door, eager to get her out before she made an even bigger mess.

“Are you sure, Rarity?” Derpy asked mid-shove. “I'd really like to make it up to-”

“Yes I'm sure,” said Rarity, “but thank you for the offer.”

She gave Derpy one last, rather hard shove and out Derpy went. The moment Derpy was out of the house, Rarity slammed the door shut and collapsed against it with exhaustion.

“Great,” she moaned. “Now how am I going to clean all this up and finish my workload by tonight? I can't, that's how!”

“What if I did it for you?” Dash asked.

Rarity had forgotten Dash existed for a moment, but a quick glance in her direction confirmed that Dash had been staring at her with that dopey smile this whole time.

“You would?” Rarity asked.

“Of course! I'd do anything for you, Rarity,” said Dash. “I just have this urge to do everything I can to make your life better, you know? Cause you're so awesome and you deserve it! I would do anything for you, Rarity, that's how great you are to me! Plus, I'd get to spend a little bit longer basking in your pure sweetness. How could I not want that?”

Rarity bit her lower lip. She really should say no, shouldn't she? Accepting would just be leading poor, lesbonic Dashie on. But then she really, really needed to get her work done.

“Well okay.” Rarity flicked her wrist. “I'll let you help out this one time!”

“Thank you!” Elated, Dash threw herself at Rarity's hooves and began kissing them and thanking her over and over. “Thank you thank you thank you! If there's anything else I can do for you just say the word!”

Rarity smiled at the gesture. This wasn't so bad. Actually, this was exactly the sort of attention Rarity felt was due to her her whole life. Might as well make the best of a bad situation, no?

“I suppose if you really, really want to help me some more then I just might be able to think of a few more things.” Rarity could hardly hold back the smile.

“I do!” Dash jumped back to her hooves. She looked so excited. “Please?”

“In that case why not do my dishes afterward?” Rarity lifter her chin up. “Then you can scrub the floors, mow the lawn, draw me a bath and maybe if you do a good job I'll let you give me a nice, relaxing massage afterward.”

“Really?” Dash's eyes just lit up at that, at the chance to serve Rarity. “Then I'd get to hang around you all day! Oh man, this is the absolute best! No, scratch that. You're the absolute best, Rarity!”

“Yes, but I want you to understand this is all completely platonic.” Rarity gave Dash a pat on the head. “Don't expect anything more than the honor of serving me.”

“Just getting to be near you is more than enough for me!” Dash gave a salute.

“Good. Now off you go.” Rarity made a shooing

And that stuff was permanent? Actually this was great! Finally some adoration and pampering. Maybe it wasn't from a stallion, but having a maid doing all her chores, hanging on her every whim- well that was still pretty good, was it not? Rarity was most certainly the type of pony who should have servants waiting on her, it was what she deserved!

Rarity was sure she'd get used to this.

________________________________________________________________

Five days later, Rarity was lounging on her couch, reading a novel. At this particular time she wouldn't normally get to lounge around. Saturdays, her supposed 'day off', were largely wasted cleaning, running errands, buying groceries, cooking meals and doing so many other miscellaneous chores.

But now Rarity had another pony to waste time on her behalf. Even now Rainbow Dash was scurrying about, doing this and that. She was wearing a maid's outfit now and looking quite pretty in it. Rarity thought it would be fitting and help Dash remember what their relationship was.

Rarity picked up her little bell and rang it, summoning Rainbow Dash to come rushing to her side.

“Yes, ma'am?” Dash bowed.

“It's so hot today,” Rarity complained. “Could you be a dear and fan me for a while?”

“Of course! But what about all the dusting I'm supposed to do?”

“You can just do that tonight,” said Rarity. “I mean, you don't have anything better to do tonight, do you?”

“Better than being around you? Heck no! What could be better than standing next to the awesomest, most radical pony who ever lived?”

“Not much, I'll admit.” Rarity smirked and patted Dash on the head. “Maybe being me, but that's not something just any pony can pull off, now is it? Now less talking, more fetching the giant fan, hm?”

Dash went off to get it when there was a knock at the door.

“Be a dear and go get that.” Rarity turned back to her book.

“Yes ma'am!”

Dash scurried off. Truth be told the door wasn't even that far away, within eye shot even, but Rarity was comfortable and there was no need for her to get up when she had a loyal, adoring servant around. Now this was the life!

Rarity had finally gotten just what she always wanted. Best twenty bits she ever spent. Rarity let out a contented sigh before sparing a glance to see who it was.

Twilight Sparkle.

Rarity sat up when she saw that. She despised Twilight. Twilight was the sort of unicorn who had been born into wealth, had gotten the easy, pampered life Rarity had always desired, had worked towards so hard. And did she appreciate it? Not one bit!

She lived in some dingy library, had that dreadfully tacky haircut, ran around naked all the time, never went anywhere grand, never bought anything luxurious, never had any servants, never used her prestige. She had so much privilege and just threw it all away like it was nothing.

Calling it unfair would be an understatement.

“Are you here to see Rarity?” Dash asked. “I know she's right over there, but I'll take your message to her.”

“Actually I'm here to see you.” Twilight came right in. “It's like- what?! What the heck are you doing dressed like this? And you skipped out on your Wonderbolts training yesterday? It's not like you at all and it makes me worried.”

“I realized that my dream wasn't to join the Wonderbolts,” said Dash. “Actually, all I ever really wanted was to be a maid and bask in awesomeness that is Rarity. Rarity was just nice enough to let me.”

“That just sounds so unlikely to me, and so suddenly too,” said Twilight. “Rainbow Dash the maid? How long have you known yourself again?”

“Since about two days ago, I guess.” Dash shrugged.

Rarity glanced over in their direction. So Twilight was suspicious was she? Well Rarity wasn't about to let her ruin this, the first good thing to ever happen to her.

“Twilight.” Rarity got up and trotted over to the two of them. “I think it's rather rude of you to just show up at my house and start spouting this kind of nonsense behind my back. Ponies change! You just realized that this was better than the Wondercolts or whatever they're called, right Dashie?”

“Of course, Rarity!” Dash's eyes just lit up at the attention, like it was what she lived for. “I love working for you so much! I'd do anything just to be by your side, but knowing I'm making you happy is most amazing thing in the world to me!”

Rainbow Dash had legitimate enthusiasm for her new job as Rarity's servant and that had served to convince the rest of the town that this was completely consensual It was, after all, in Dash's current state of mind. Rarity had little doubt Twilight would reach the same conclusion as everypony else and be on her way.

“And really,” said Rarity, “if Rainbow Dash wants to be my live-in maid then that's her choice. I don't think you have the right to judge.”

“If it is her choice,” Twilight muttered and shot Rarity a glare.

Rarity's heart stopped. Oh no! She did know, didn't she? No, there was no way.

“Rarity.” Twilight moved closer with a serious look. “Most unicorns can't detect this sort of thing, but I noticed some weird magic energy around Rainbow Dash. Well, the fading remnants of it, anyway. This isn't some kind of mind-altering curse you put on her, is it?”

“Of course not!” Rarity answered a bit faster than she probably should have and gave a nervous laugh.

Twilight gave a skeptical look. This was just perfect. There were probably only a few dozen unicorns that could even pick this up and one of them just happened to live next door to Rarity? This was just more of her famous bad luck.

“You realize that the penalty for mind control is life in jail,” Twilight said.

“Do you not trust me now?” Rarity asked. “Honestly, I don't appreciate you coming into my home and accusing me of such thing!”

“Yeah, Twilight.” Dash rolled her eyes. “Mind control? That's ridiculous! I just realized Rarity was the greatest, most amazing pony who ever lived and should be worshiped and treated like a goddess.”

Right.” Twilight gave Dash an unamused deadpan. “Well I'm going to go prepare a spell that will reveal any curses or spells cast on Rainbow Dash. If nothing comes up I'll leave you two to your bizarre, alternative lifestyle. But if I do see something, you're going to jail, Missy”

Twilight jabbed Rarity with a hoof, then turned and started trotting off. On the way out she pointed to her eye and then to Rarity, slamming the door on the way out.

“Can you believe that mare? Mind control? As if anypony as amazing as you would need to resort to that.” Dash laughed. “Anyway, it's time for you three o'clock hoof massage!”

“Not now Rainbow Dash.” Rarity waved her away. “Go scrub the floors again or something. I need to be alone for a moment.”

“Yes ma'am!” Rainbow Dash bowed and scampered off.

Rarity trudged off to her room, miserable. Everything was finally going right and it had to all turn against her after just a few days. She hadn't even gotten a week to enjoy this! And now she was going to get shipped off to jail for the rest of her life?

This was the worst possible thing! Rarity had the absolute worst luck in all the world! She jumped up and collapsed dramatically onto her bed, lying on her back with one hoof covering her face.

No. She would not go to jail! She deserved more, not less, and now that her big break was finally here she absolutely would not give up one little bit of it. Rarity would do whatever it took to deal with Twilight. Whatever it took.

Rarity noticed a piece of paper resting on her nightstand. It was the coupon for fifty percent off her next purchase of a love potion. A smile slowly spread across her face.

“You know,” Rarity said to herself, “if Twilight really, really loved me she would be perfectly okay with all of this. I do think two maids waiting on me sounds about right.”

Oh, this plan was devilishly brilliant.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

“Pinkie!” Rarity came into the cabin. “I'm back and I'd like to use that coupon for fifty percent off my next love potion.”

Madame Pinkie sat up, appearing from behind her table.

“Oh! Another one?” Pinkie asked. “Nopony ever actually used that coupon for a second one before. They've always been too doomed by then.”

“I hardly see what's so accursed about the stuff.” Rarity leaned agains the table and slammed the coupon down. “I'm finally getting the sort of attention I deserve and the pony I used it on is perfectly happy if you care about that sort of thing. Personally I don't, but you know.”

Rarity chuckled and Pinkie laughed with her.

“But seriously,” said Pinkie, her laughter ending abruptly, “I can't sell you any more of that stuff. Tragedy befalls everypony who ever-”

Rarity threw ten bits on the table.

“There you go!” Pinkie said with a smile.

She tossed another bottle from her mane and into Rarity's hooves. Rarity looked down at the tiny, hearshaped bottle.

Actually, maybe Rarity should be smart about this. Pinkie was the one who knew how to make this stuff, wasn't she? The goose that laid the golden eggs. If she used the potion on Pinkie, why then she could get as much as she needed from that point on, couldn't she? And Rarity might need more in the future. One never knew who might decided it was a good idea to be nosy about her business.

Pinkie did seem rather dull. It shouldn't be too hard to trick her.

“Hey.” Rarity smiled. “How about I, uh, buy you dinner? You know, to thank you for giving me this wonderful potion.”

Pinkie gasped.

“Are you trying to use the potion on me?” she asked in disbelief.

Great. Now this pony stopped being an idiot.

“You misunderstand. I wasn't-”

“You really think I'm that pretty? Finally!” Pinkie pumped her hoof into the air in elation, then pulled an alligator out from under her table and started talking to it. “All these years of ponies using the love potion on everypony but me. I was starting to think maybe I just wasn't good enough, but now finally somepony wants to seduce Pinkie. I thought only you would ever love me Gummi! Oh, but there's just one problem. See, I'm kind of not a lesbian like you are.”

Pinkie and Gummi turned to Rarity with a frown. Rarity frowned back, only much harder.

That was it.

Rarity jumped forward and grabbed Pinkie from across the table. With her magic she pried Pinkie's mouth open and with her hooves opened the potion and shoved it down Pinkie's throat. Pinkie had no choice but to swallow.

Rarity laughed maniacally as Pinkie chocked it down. Only when it was all gone did she pull back. Pinkie stared back at her with a blank expression.

“So?” Rarity asked.

“So what?” Pinkie tilted her head.

“Are you madly in love with me now?”

“Oh no, I built up a resistance, silly.” Pinkie laughed. “Drank way too many of them as a filly, it's why I love every thing and every pony! Why, to even have an effect on my I'd need to bath in dozens of bottles of the stuff! But what are the chances of that ever happening?”

“Well no hard feelings or anything, right?” Rarity gave a nervous chuckle.

“Of course not! Though now I'm going to have to report you to the gypsy police will will report you to the normal police.”

“But won't you go to jail too?”

“Nope! Gypsies are legally allowed to sell objects of pure evil no matter how dangerous they are so long as we give a vague warning about it. And we're kind of okay with you townies messing up your own lives but the minute you mess with a gypsy is the minute the alligators fly south for the winter, get it?”

Dang it! Rarity was blowing it again! She needed to think of something.

“I, uh, don't suppose I could get another one of those potions,though?” Rarity tried her best to give a sly smile. “You know, in the meantime.”

“I dunno.” Pinkie tapped her chin. “Cause like, you just-”

Rarity put another twenty bits on the table.

“Okie Doki Loki!” Pinkie turned back, moving over to her pile of chests and cabinets not far behind her. She bent over and started rummaging through them.

Rarity's heart has never pounded this fast or hard before. Her hooves were covered in sweat, as was everything else. She couldn't- she could not go to jail. Not for this, not because of this stupid, idiot!

But this was getting much worse! Now she had two ponies she needed to worry about. Rarity noticed a golf club sitting not far from Pinkie. Yes, two ponies she needed to 'deal' with that is, and if Pinkie couldn't be dealt with in a nice way, well that was hardly Rarity's fault was it?

Rarity lifted the golf club with her magic. Her heart stopped beating for a moment. Was she seriously going to do this?

Well the simple question was what was more important to Rarity. This mare or not being stuck in a cage. It wasn't a very hard choice.

“Of course,” said Rarity, raising the golf club high, “if you were dead I'd never have to worry about you telling anything to anypony!”

Rarity swung the golf club at Pinkie's head. At that exact moment, Pinkie ducked down to grab something, leaving Rarity's wild swing to miss and smash its way into the wall.

“Hey you're right!” Pinkie called back. “I wouldn't be able to tell anypony anything if I were dead. Huh. Interesting.”

Pinkie turned back to Rarity, noticing the golf club lodged in the wall, where her head would have been a moment ago.

“You're a really bad golfer, by the way,” said Pinkie, then turned back to her work.

Rarity sighed. She gave the golf club a tug with her magic, but it wouldn't budge. Just then she noticed a sledge hammer on the wall. She probably should have used that in the first place. Rarity gave a quick glance to Pinkie, then grabbed the sledge hammer and swung it at the mare with all her might.

The hammer hit Pinkie's head face-first with a wet, sickening sound, sending the mare flying towards the far wall. Pinkie slammed into the wall, her head barely recognizable after the blow. The cabinets above her flew open from the force of the impact. Several bottles fell out of the cabinet, all of them heart shaped and all of them containing a white liquid.

A dozen or so bottles shattered on Pinkie as they rained down, covering her in broken glass and liquid. Rarity looked down at the mare, clearly dead, and then up to the cabinets filled with potions.

“Love potions,” Rarity said to herself. “And a whole lot at that!”

Rarity smiled and trotted over to them, stepping over Pinkie. She grabbed one of the potions with her magic and levitated it in front of her.

“There we are! Just a little bit of this and Twilight won't be a problem to me any more.” Rarity looked over the potion, then turned back to the cabinet filled with bottles. “Though you know, I never did get to use one on Pierce. I could use a coltfriend who would treat me as a goddess.”

Rarity put a second potion into her bag and started to leave, but just before leaving she turned back to the rows of intact potion.

“Oh what the heck! I might as well take them all just in case I run into trouble, right?” Rarity happily threw a few more potions into her bag.

Rarity hummed a little tune as she filled her bag with bottles of the love potion. It filled up quickly, but she found two more bags in Pinkie's house which she helped herself too.

“You don't mind that I'm borrowing all this right?” Rarity asked the corpse. Needless to say it didn't reply. “Oh I've gone complete mad haven't I? I'm even talking to myself out loud! But at least I'll be living a life of luxury soon!”

Though the corpse did leave one more problem to deal with. Pinkie was likely a nomadic drifter who lived alone with an alligator. Rarity would only need to bury her and that would be enough to cover it up. Nopony would even notice she was dead until this was a cold case.

It would be a lot of work, burying her and lugging all these potions back, but after she had Rarity would never have to work another day in her life.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Rarity awoke in her bed and stretched. Twilight, now in a maid outfit of her own, had been waiting there for her the whole time. As soon as Rarity finished stretching, Twilight pushed a cart over to her bed with her breakfast on it.

Breakfast in bed, no chores, massages and compliments whenever she wanted them. Now this was the life! Having one servant was good, but having two, now that was divine!

Needless to say that potion was a smash success.

“Thank you Twilight,” said Rarity. “You've been so good recently. I trust you're not going to need to bother with any detection spells now, yes?”

“Of course not, Rarity.” Twilight bowed to her. “Even if this is magic, well I just love you so much I'd never want to do anything to risk you going to jail!”

“Good.” Rarity said in a very chipper voice. “That's all I need for now, but we're going to prepare for the big move later so be ready.”

“Yes, Rarity.” Twilight bowed again on her way out. “Thanks again for letting me be in the same house as you. This is so great!”

And then Twilight was out of the room.

Rarity bit into her muffin and pulled out the brochures from the other side of her bed. See, she had decided it would be a good idea to get away from Ponyville, go live somewhere more secluded where there would be fewer ponies, and ponies less familiar with the three of them, to ask questions. Now that Twilight's money was her money, she wouldn't have to worry about that sort of thing so much any more. And even if she did, she'd always have more love potions to smooth things over.

Her main concern now was simply which lovely island she wanted to move to. Hardly a bad problem.

Then her window broke again.

And wouldn't you know who it was. Derpy was in the middle of the floor, surrounded by boxes filled with slugs. At least those were slightly easier to clean up – not that Rarity needed to worry about that.

“Montly slug box.” Derpy, covered in slugs, looked up at Rarity.

“Seriously?!” Rarity slammed her broucher down on the table. “Again?! It hasn't even been a month.”

“Sorry,” said Derpy, “it's what I do.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. You know, she didn't need to deal with this sort of thing anymore. She had ponies for that. Rarity rang her little bell and Dash was there in a flash.

“Can you take care of this ragamuffin?” Rarity asked. “I'm busy.”

“Of course, Rarity.” Dash bowed.

“Thank you, dear.” Rarity went back to her reading.

With a cheerful smile Dash trotted into the kitchen, just a few steps from Rarity's room, and grabbed a large knife. She hummed merrily on her way back to Derpy. When she got there, she pulled back and swung the knife at Derpy's neck.

It was enough to nearly sever Derpy's head clean off. Blood spurted everywhere, drenching the carpet and Rainbow Dash. Derpy slumped over, dead in an instant.

Rarity slowly looked up from her brochure, unable to speak. All she could do was stare at the scene, stunned, mouth agape. Rainbow Dash, covered in blood but still smiling sweetly, turned around and gave Rarity a little bow.

“There,” said Dash. “All taken care of! She'll never bother you again.”

“W-why?!” Rarity stumbled, falling backwards on her chair. She looked up from the ground to see Dash slowly approaching her.

“She always bothered you,” said Dash. “Anypony who isn't devoted to you deserves to die, Rarity.”

“But Pinkie! She said this wouldn't happen.” With some difficulty, Rarity got to her feet. She started backing away. “She said one potion wouldn't be nearly enough to make you do anything crazy.”

“One potion?” Dash tilted her head and smiled even wider. “What potion are you talking about?”

Oh that's right.

“I think she means those love potions,” said Twilight.

Rarity turned to see her coming up the stairs. Her smile was exactly the same as Rainbow Dash's, just a little bit too wide.

“Don't worry,” said Twilight. “Long story short we figured that out. But it's okay, we still love you.”

“We love you more than ever, Rarity.” Dash circled around to the other side of the bed so that the two fo them had Rarity surrounded. “We drank another ten bottles each and now we love you more than anything!”

“What?! But why would you drink more of it?!” Rarity pushed herself up against the head of the bed, as there was simply nowhere else to go. “I didn't want this! I liked you the way you were before.”

Dash and Twilight looked at each other and laughed. This was getting worse and worse.

“I'm going to the police! And- and tell them that you killed Derpy!” Rarity threatened, pointing at the corpse. “I order you both to stay here until I get back! If you love really love me-”

“Oh Rarity,” said Dash. She had the most loving smile on her face. She crawled onto the bed until she was right next to Rarity and brushed her hoof against the side of her face. “You don't have to worry about the police any more. We're going to keep you safe, and with us, no matter what.”

“Especially the with us part.” Twilight stepped in front of the door. She levitated a dozen knives with her magi. “We can't bear to ever be away from you again, Rarity, so please don't do anything foolish. It'd be a shame if I had to take drastic action.”

“W-what do you mean?” Rarity could do nothing but tremble.

“Well,” said Twilight, “if you legs, for example, are just going to make you run away from your loving servants then maybe it's better you not have them. Get it?”

Twilight's smile grew just a little wider and she flipped the knives with her magic, turning them all towards Rarity.

They would cut off her legs?! A shock of pure terror surged through her entire body. She was going to die, wasn't she?!

No! No. Rarity was smart. She got through everything else so far and she could get through this. She just had to play it cool.

“I think I see your point.” Rarity tried to smile warmly at them. “I'll just, uh- what was I supposed to do again?”

“I'm glad you saw reason.” Twilight bowed and turned the knives away from Rarity again. “Just stay in your room for now. We'll take care of everything. You'll never have to leave the house, or our presence, ever again.”

“I'll bring dinner up in an hour.” Dash bowed. “I'm making your favorite!”

“Oh. How wonderful!” Rarity forced herself. She couldn't help but glance down at the blood-soaked Derpy. Her death hadn't gotten rid of the slugs, either. “I don't suppose you could clean up this mess first, though?”

“Of course!”

Twilight disappeared a moment later and Dash soon followed, dragging Derpy's body out with her. The moment they were gone, Rarity stomped her hoof in frustration.

This wasn't good. It wasn't fair! Yet again all her efforts had backfired against her!

She trotted back and forth unable to sit down, unable to stop thinking about how horrible her position was. The sheriff would have to turn up eventually, right? And she'd see these two were murderers keeping Rarity hostage and help, right? Surely Twilight wouldn't speak up about the potion once the jig was up.

Unless she hoped Rarity and her would go to the same jail.

Dash returned just then, conisderably less bloody. Rarity quickly sat down and waved to her, pretending nothing was wrong at all. Dash smiled back and started getting rid of the slugs while Rarity sat quietly, plotting.

Maybe she could escape? She could jump out the window and make a run for it. She'd probably sprain an ankle on the way down and she knew for a fact Rainbow Dash would be able to outrun her. And if they did- oh Rarity couldn't stop thinking of all the horrible things they could do to her!

She could try screaming for help once she got outside and just hope for the best.

Another thought came into Rarity's mind. Could she use the potions to take over the world or something? She could be empress of the planet! If the world were her cage then it wouldn't be so bad-

But no. Rarity opened the chest with the potions in it. There were about two dozen left. Two dozen maids wouldn't be enough to conquer much.

Escape was her only option. She wouldn't have to make it far, just yell and scream bloody murder as soon as she got outside and surely other ponies would come to her rescue. Rarity had no plans of simply waiting here for days hoping to be saved. As soon as she was alone again, Rarity would jump out the window and bolt.

So the plan was set. She went back to looking at the brochures, her hooves now trembling terribly. She couldn't even focus enough to read more than one or two words at a time, so it seemed to take an eternity, but eventually it happened. Eventually Dash filled up her garbage bag with slugs and boxes and dragged them out of the room.

“Remember to be good,” Dash said far too cheerfully, before closing and locking the door.

Yes. Rarity would have to 'be good'. She gave Dash a huge smile on the way out, having perfected the art of fake smiles ove the years. As soon as the door was closed, Rarity began to slowly creep towards the window, careful not to let her hooves make any noise against the floor.

Finally she got to the window and tried to push it up. The darn thing was stuck! Now of all times?! Rarity's hooves started to tremble again, making it even harder to fiddle with. It happened very suddenly, but the window did finally fly open.

Now Rarity just needed to jump. She looked down at the ground. Just a two story drop– that wasn't enough to kill you, right? Well she'd find out. Rarity took too steps back and charged forward, ready to jump.

But she didn't actually make it. Not because she was afraid of the fall, oh no, it was much worse than that.

Dash was there.

Rainbow Dash was flying just in front of the window, looking in on Rarity with an even more unhinged smile than before. Rarity fell back in horror, dropping down onto her haunches.

“W-what are you-?!”

“You didn't think we'd worry about the windows?” Dash landed inside Rarity noticed she was carrying a hammer in one of her wings. “Rarity, we love you! The thought of you leaving is the absolute worst for us. That's why we were going to board up the windows- just in case. But what exactly did you think you were doing?”

“I was just trying to get some fresh air!” Rarity laughed. It was less nervous and more hysterical now.

Dash laughed too.

“I'm not stupid, Rarity,” said Dash. “I think if you're going to be acting like this I'll have to break your legs. Now whimping out now, it's for your own good.”

Dash raised the hammer and started moving towards Rarity. Rarity remembered a horror novel that went something like this. She wasn't going to end up like the protagonist from that! She would fight all the way to the end. There wasn't any other choice now.

Sadly she didn't keep an assortment of weapons in her room, but Rarity looked around for anything she could use. There wasn't much time for thinking, so she just grabbed the first thing she could get her magic around a gas lamp.

Rarity grabbed the gas lamp, lit it and threw it at Dash. Dash sidestepped easily, but this just left the lamp to shatter against the floor behind her. Being full of oil, the lamp ignited the pile of blankets just behind Dash. Rarity seized the opportunity and lifted the now flaming blankets, throwing them over Dash.

The now flaming Rainbow Dash screamed and began rolling around on the ground. Rarity had no time to see what happened next, she bolted for the door and was practically tripping down the stairs just a few second later.

Only when she got down to the bottome of the stair did she remember that the window was still open and that she should have used that instead. The reason for that being the other thing Rarity had stupidly forgotten in her panic- Twilight.

Twilight was standing in Rarity's way, between her and the door. And she had those knives with her. Did she just carry those around constantly now?

“Stop,” said Twilight.

Rarity truned back to try and go up the stairs again, only to see that the upstairs was now on fire.

“I don't think that's going to work,” said Twilight. “Did you do that Rarity? Why are you being so difficult? We only want o help you. We love you so much, Rarity!”

“I'm going to get the sheriff!” Rarity threatened.

“Don't worry about that.” Twilight gave a smirk. “I already got her for you.”

Twilight's horn glowed as she began tugging something out from the other room. Rarity gasped as Twilight dragged it out along the floor, leaving a trail of blood behind.

It was the sheriff, dead, her body covered with stab wounds.

“See?” Twilight gave a cute smile. “Now she won't ever tear us apart! Anyway, the house appears to be on fire.”

Rarity looked back upstairs. Indeed it was getting much worse by the second, the room beginning to fill with smoke. Good thing she had insurance. Insurance would cover this, right? Rarity coughed on the fumes.

“We're going to leave now.” Twilight levitated her dozens of knives and took a few steps towards Rarity. “But I can't risk you running away from me. I don't ever want to be away from you, Rarity, you understand don't you?”

Rarity looked around the room, desperately searching for anything she could throw at Twilight. That strategy had saved her twice now. Before she could find anything, she felt a sharp pain in one of her forelegs. The pain just shot all over her body, causing it to lock up. Rarity winced and collapsed on the floor.

She opened her eyes to see a knife logged in her leg! The blood was just gushing out. Twilight slowly trotted over to Rarity.

“Twilight! S-stop!” Rarity tried to sound commanding, but it came out more like sobbing. “This- this much could seriously kill me! I could bleed to death! You need to take me to a hospital.”

“Now, now. None of that.” Twilight smiled down at Rarity and pulled out some kind of sack. “I know a place I can take you too, where you'll be safe and I know we can be together forever! I love you so much, Rarity.”

Rarity's vision blurred. She didn't know if it was the smoke or the bleeding, but something was making Rarity dazed. She passed out seconds later, the last thing she saw was Twilight lowering the sack onto her.


_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Rarity awoke some time later, she didn't know how long. It didn't take her long to realize she was still inside that bag. She felt herself being dragged along the ground, rocks bumping against her back every now and then.

Memories of what happened came back to her in a flash. She was being kidnapped and dragged off to Celestia knows where. Rarity did not want to go there, she didn't want to be held captive for the rest of her life, which this could very well come to.

Twilight was humming a little tune as she dragged Rarity forward, as if there was just no problem with this at all. That mare must not have realized that Rarity was awake. She probably thought it'd be longer till Rarity awoke. Rarity could use that. She tried to calm herself, reminding herself not to flail or else lose the element of surprise.

There was a little air hole cut out for Rarity, just big enough for her muzzle to fit through and right now that was exactly where her muzzle was. She shifted her head ever so slightly and gently so that her eye moved to where her muzzle had been.

It was still night and it looked like Rarity wasn't the only thing Twilight was dragging along. There were two carts being pulled by her magic as well, explaining why she wasn’t levitating Rarity instead. Maybe she could use that.

Rarity looked over everything on the cart, hoping to see some kind of weapon. And oh did she see one. All those knives Twilight kept threatening her with, they were right there. Being less skilled at magic, Rarity was only able to levitate half of them at best, but she lifted them with her magic and threw them point-first at where she believed Twilight to be.

At least one of them must have hit, because Twilight's magic stopped right then and so did her humming. Rarity knew from horror movies not to stop there and just started throwing whatever she could grab with her magic at where Twilight was, paying no attention to what it was. Twilight retaliated by lifting the bag that held Rarity with her magic and slamming it against the ground repeatedly, aiming to get Rarity to hit the ground head-first.

Only a few blows needed to be endured before those too ended. Everything became silent and still all of a sudden and now Rariy was just lying there in the bag. Rarity had no idea what happened but she decided to take it.

Rarity wrestled out of her bag and looked for Twilight. She was lying on the ground in a pool of blood. One of the knives had buried itself in the back of her neck. Rarity had little doubt that was the one that had killed.

She let out a sigh of relief. She was safe now. Sure, she'd have to explain all the dead bodies, but she could actually tell the truth about that, so long as she left out the part about the love potions, and everything would work out!

Rarity looked around her surroundings. She knew this part of the woods, it was near where Pinkie had set up her shop recently. But why would Twilight bring her here? Had Twilight seriously been hoping to take over the world with love potions? Or maybe she just happened to be passing by it.

“Rarity.”

Rarity knew that voice. But it couldn't be. It was impossible! Rarity turned her head around fell over at the shock of what she saw.

It was Pinkie Pie! Her head was still bashed in, nearly half of it gone, but she stood there as if she were perfectly fine, as if she were still alive. This was absolutely, one hundred percent impossible!

Rarity didn't even know how to react to this! She just starred at Pinkie with shock and horror!

“Aren't you happy?” Pinkie asked, shambling over towards Rarity. “Heh heh. Ten potions drive you crazy with love, but fifty? It makes you love so intense it can never die!”

“No!” Rarity gasped. “That-that makes no sense! It can't possibly happen!”

“But it can.” Rainbow Dash came limping out of the darkness. Her body was charred and blackened now, beyond what anypony could have survived. “We'll never ever leave you Rarity. Not even death can keep us away from you.”

“I knew you wanted more ponies to adore you,” said Pinkie. “So I went ahead and made more ponies super-devoted to you.”

“No! Not like this!” Rarity protested, but they just kept coming closer and closer.

Rarity turned to run, but saw that behind her Twilight had already gotten up, knives levitating all around her.

Rarity ran in another direction, but out of the woods came Derpy, her throat still slashed. She made some kind of guttural noise and walked towards Rarity. Then came the sheriff, her body covere in stab wounds. Now Rarity was surrounded. They were coming in from every side. Rarity silently tried to decide who the best to try and charge through would be.

“Look how many ponies love you now,” said Pinkie. “Now you have all the love you ever wanted! And we'll be with you forever!”

Rarity started running towards Derpy, but in her panic tripped almost immediately and fell right into the now empty grave she dug for Pinkie. In the darkness she hadn't even noticed it was there. A moment later all of the zombies were looking down at her. She was surrounded at all times.

“Should have stayed in your room,” said Dash. “Now we know we can't trust you to stay put. But don't worry, this will be even better!”

All of them pounced, tackling her. She wrestled against them, but six mares restraining her with hugs was simply far too much. Her heart pounded even harder when she heard something- the sound of dirt falling down on them. The others were burying them alive.

“No! I'll die!” Rarity screamed. The others didn't seem to care. “Please! Help! Anypony!”

“And we'll be together forever.” Pinkie laughed.

Soon Rarity was unable to even scream through all the dirt.

And five of the six lived happily ever after.