//------------------------------// // Always Knock First // Story: Nock One Up // by Pony with a Pen //------------------------------// “Why do they even sell iced tea in the Crystal Empire?” Luna complained. “It’s already fifteen degrees below Equestria’s average temperature here. Do they want ponies to freeze to death?” Celestia chuckled. “I believe it’s because they brew some of Equestria’s finest iced tea, Luna.” Normally, she would scold her Sister for acting so foalish in public, but Celestia couldn’t blame Luna for her poor attitude this time. Despite spending the night with him wrapped in her hooves, Luna utterly failed to seduce Long Arrow. Another day alone with Arrow in the Crystal Empire could have changed that, though. Celestia could picture her Sister’s plans perfectly. It would be just Luna and Arrow—alone—in one of Equestria’s most beautiful cities. They would see the sights, share a romantic meal at some high-end restaurant, and soak in the aura of love permeating the city. Then, as the sun set and they settled into their hotel room, they would give in to their unspoken, passionate lust. That certainly wasn’t going to happen now. “Oh, the Crystal ponies did such a marvelous job renovating their city for the Equestria Games,” Celestia said as they turned the corner and caught sight of the train station. “Isn’t Crystal Central Station lovely, Luna?” “Yes, lovely,” she replied sarcastically. Ignoring her Sister’s indifference, Princess Celestia admired the building’s extravagant façade and pristine steps as they approached the station. Up the stairs and past the large pillars enclosing the station’s entrance, a large terminal separated two sets of train tracks. Various kiosks, booths, and merchants lined the middle of the walking area, each one surrounded by ponies passing time as the waited for their trains. At the other end of the building, a small museum dedicated the to the Crystal Empire’s history stood proudly. Together, Celestia and Luna cantered down the walkway toward the ticket booth while Arrow trudged along behind them. At first, the ticket clerk ardently refused to accept payment from royalty, but a warm smile from Princess Celestia and a withering glare from Princess Luna convinced her. A few dozen bits each bought them seven minutes of waiting and first-class passage to Canterlot. With tickets in hoof and three cups of iced tea grasped in her magic, Celestia trotted over to a long, empty bench beside the tracks and sat down. On the opposite side of the bench, Luna pouted as she grumpily rested her head on a hoof. Arrow followed behind the Princesses sluggishly, weighed down by his bulging saddlebags and the donut box wedged between his wing, before eventually stopping beside the bench. “Sit, my little stallion,” Celestia said as she patted the spot beside her on the bench. “You must be tired. Rest with me.” “Thank you for your concern, Your Highness, but I am…” Long Arrow’s mouth hung open slightly as he seemed to forget his words. “…Fine.” Celestia tilted her head down and looked into his droopy, bloodshot eyes while he stared ahead listlessly. “Let him stand if he wishes, Celestia,” Luna said as she turned to face the pair and rolled her eyes. “He likes standing. Right, Private?” “Yes, Princess,” Arrow replied compliantly. The corners of Celestia’s lips dipped into a light frown. Luna’s mood had quickly turned foul on the way to Crystal Central Station, and now it slowly simmered in her aggravation. After their tiff at Crystal Gaming, Celestia expected Luna to be irritable, but not nearly this ornery. It’s not as if this was Celestia’s ideal day either. Sighing, Celestia levitated Arrow’s saddlebags off his flank and set them on the bench. Sliding the donut box from his wings and onto her haunches, she gently rested a hoof on his shoulder and softly said, “I would feel safer if you sat with me, Private.” “Okay… Princess Celestia,” Long Arrow said numbly before taking a seat between the Princesses. Beside Arrow, Luna crossed her hooves and glared across the bench at her Sister. One of the cups hovering above Celestia’s head lowered to her lips, and she took a casual sip from the straw. Luna could pout, but Celestia would not allow her to make this day any more unpleasant than it already was. Floating an iced tea down to Arrow, she said, “My little stallion, this iced tea is wonderful, you must try some.” “Thank you, Your Highness,” he mumbled, grabbing the cup in his hoof. Celestia glanced across the bench at Luna and motioned for her to take the third iced tea. Luna turned away in a huff, refusing the offer. The cup hovered around her head annoyingly, sloshing as Celestia shook the liquid next to her ear, before its straw began poking and prodding her face. Fed up with his Sister’s pestering, Luna violently snatched the iced tea out of the air and sucked it down angrily. Satisfied, Celestia shifted her attention back to the stallion beside her and watched as Long Arrow drank from his now half-empty cup. He held the straw loosely in his mouth as he sipped more of the cool, brown liquid while staring at the floor. Leaning over, she asked, “Tell me, Arrow, how are you feeling?” For a moment, his dazed, sleepy eyes drifted up in search of the pony speaking to him. When they found Celestia, Arrow idly took another sip from the straw before returning his gaze to the floor. His mouth relaxed; tea dribbled down his chin and onto his leg. He slumped in his chair, dumbly staring at the other side of the station before closing his eyes and drooping forward. Luna turned, curious why he wasn’t responding, and gasped as Long Arrow fell from the bench. Her hoof darted towards his limp form, only to find that Celestia’s wing had already caught Arrow and pulled him into her fluffy, white chest. “Celly, is he all right?” Luna asked anxiously. “He’s fine now,” Celestia calmly replied as she stroked his mane. “I cast a sleeping enchantment on his iced tea on the way here.” “AND WHY—” Luna nearly shouted before stopping herself and glancing at the ponies staring at them. Lowering her voice down to a harsh whisper, she repeated, “And why would you do that?” “Lulu,” Celestia said, still tenderly caressing the stallion. “You only took one guard with you, and you kept him up all night. He won’t let himself rest until another guard relieves him or we arrive back at the castle. Have you seen his eyes?” Luna winced when Celestia gently lifted one of his eyelids, exposing the blood-shot eye underneath. “Did you notice the way he lagged behind us on our way here? If he’s going by the book,” Celestia paused to giggle, “which we both know he is, then he should never be more than a few steps behind us. He’s exhausted, Lulu.” “All Royal Guards experience the occasional bout of sleep deprivation,” Luna said defensively. “If anything, he should be glad that this is the worst he’s suffered.” Celestia didn’t reply, but her remorseful, compassionate eyes said enough for Luna to reconsider her words. Long Arrow’s head lay peacefully wrapped around the shelter of her Sister’s wing, and his body gave a small heave with each breath as he slumbered. “One thousand years ago,” Princess Luna said with a tinge a nostalgia, “the soldiers under our banner would have considered themselves fortunate to be in his position—sleep deprivation and all.” Luna bit her lip and smiled as she watched one of Arrow’s hooves twitch. “It’s been a long time since my last stallion. Maybe it’s not the way I remember it.” “Perhaps it’s not the way either of us remember it, Sister,” Celestia said as she set a hoof on Luna’s shoulder. In front of them, the train whistle blew as the Friendship Express approached, slowly chugging to a stop inside the station. Over a dozen train cars opened their doors, and ponies streamed out with their luggage, followed by ticket collectors. After the initial surge of ponies exiting the train ended, the conductor popped his head out and yelled, “All aboard! Non-stop Crystal Empire to Canterlot!” With a resigned sigh and a small smile, Luna took Arrow’s saddlebags in her magic and said, “Come on, Sis. Let’s get him home.” Outside the window, rolling hills passed by lazily as they basked in the sun’s fading light. Strokes of vibrant flowers and verdant forests accentuated the gradual curves of Equestria’s vast grasslands. In the distance, Cloudsdale drifted leisurely through the sky as Canterlot came into view. “Couldn’t you have just brought the chariot, though?” Luna asked, chuckling. Inside their train cabin, Celestia and Luna sat beside each other, peering out the window. Still slumbering, Long Arrow lay stretched out on top of them. “And miss this train ride? Never,” Celestia said with a grin. She scratched behind Arrow’s ear and giggled as his lips curled upward involuntarily. “It’s nice taking the long way for once.” Reaching a hoof over to rub Arrow’s exposed belly, Luna replied, “I suppose it is.” Canterlot’s lights seeped through the window as the train neared its next stop and the sun dipped below the horizon. As Celestia finished her celestial duties, Princess Luna gently tugged the moon into place while stars steadily filled the sky. “How much longer will the effects of the enchantment last?” Luna asked. “He drank more than I was expecting—until morning, at least, and he’ll be groggy for a few hours after that,” Celestia said. “And what will we tell him when he wakes up?” Celestia grinned. “That he showed us a wonderful time in the Crystal Empire.” “Why so vague?” Luna said with a predatory smile. “We could tell him anything, conjure up all sorts of exploits that he wouldn’t remember.” A muffled screeching sound echoed through the train as it came to a stop at Canterlot Station. A moment later, the exit doors slid open as ticket collectors made way for the ponies hurriedly shuffling off the train. Outside the Princesses’ cabin, ponies talked loudly and waved at those waiting for them in the train station. “Behave, Lulu,” Celestia teased as she slid off the seat and onto her hooves. Luna lifted the donut box in her magic and pulled Long Arrow onto her back. “His escapades could be legendary!” “Knowing you, ‘infamous’ might be more accurate,” Celestia said, prompting a hearty cackle from Luna. Slinging Arrow’s saddlebags over her flank, Celestia slid the cabin door open and stepped off the train when the initial crowd of ponies dissipated. The Sisters trotted down the concourse towards the streets of Canterlot, receiving a few odd looks from passersby, but mostly awestruck smiles and deferential greetings. After trotting through the station doors and into the warm night air, Celestia and Luna ascended into the sky. Dozens of brightly lit streets passed by beneath them on their way back to the castle. Ponies milled about, visiting shops, chatting with friends, and enjoying their evening, but not many saw the Princesses soaring overhead. A few minutes of flying brought them to the walls of Canterlot Castle and some very surprised ponies. Both Sisters shared a knowing smile when four pegasi guards launched into the air on their approach. Thankfully, Royal Guards were slow to ask questions and quick to assist their Princesses in any way possible. Escorted by their ever-loyal and ever-uninquisitive protectors, Celestia and Luna landed on one of the castle’s balconies and dismissed the pegasi guards. As the Royal Guards flew back to their positions, the Princesses cantered through the glass doors and down the hallway toward their bedrooms. Remembering the stallion sleeping on her Sister’s back, Celestia turned to Luna and asked, “What should we do with Private Arrow?” Near the intersection where they would part ways, Luna yawned and flashed Celestia a mischievous look. “I believe that is your problem,” she said, levitating the slumbering stallion over to Celestia. “Oof,” Celestia grunted as a still-unconscious Long Arrow flopped onto Celestia’s back. “What are you talking about, Luna?” “You stole him away from me today, fair and square, so he’s your problem now. I’ll snatch him away from you some other time.” Luna said with a drowsy wink. “Have fun, Celly, but not too much fun.” “Wh-what—Luna! What fun can I have with a comatose stallion?” Celestia yelled as Luna cantered off to bed. Flabbergasted, Celestia stuttered and fumbled over her words as she thought of something to say, but Luna had already disappeared around the corner. Sighing, Celestia glanced over her shoulder at the peacefully slumbering stallion. “Technically, you’re still on duty,” Celestia scolded as she began trotting towards her bedroom. “However, we wouldn’t want you to get caught sleeping on your watch.” “Even if I explained the situation to your superiors,” she said, turning down a corridor. “I can’t just drop you off at the barracks; that would be grossly irresponsible of me.” “So, it looks like we’ll need to find a mutually beneficial solution,” Celestia said as her bedroom door came into sight. Two guards stood watch beside the doors, both of whom nodded as she cantered into her room with a grin. Closing the door behind her, Celestia tossed Arrow’s saddlebags onto the floor and walked over to her bed. “Well, Private, looks like you’ll have to stay here for the night,” she said seductively, lowering Arrow onto the bed. “Sleeping with two Princesses in as many days—my, my, my, you’re a lucky little stallion. Now, let’s get more… comfortable.” Celestia kicked off her shoes and regalia before setting her tiara on its holder. Sauntering over to Long Arrow, she asked, “Much better, don’t you think?” She doubted Arrow could hear her through the magically-induced coma, but Celestia suspected that he would have agreed with her if he could. One by one, she slid his hoof guards off while circling around him hungrily, savoring each tantalizing moment. His helmet fell to the floor soon after with a clang, revealing his short, brown mane. Running a hoof through his hair, Celestia looked over Long Arrow’s warm, enticing form. Only one barrier rested between her and snuggle time with a naked stallion—his armor. Flipping him onto his opposite side in search of a way to get the armor off, Celestia quickly found the buckles attaching it to his abdomen. Thick straps connected each buckle and ran across his body before ending at special slits in the armor. Six of them secured it firmly to his body, but at least four other additional straps seemed to serve no purpose at all. Uncertain of where to begin, Celestia pulled on a random strap, only for the armor to tighten around Arrow’s waist. The stallion coughed as his stomach forced its way into his spine, but when Celestia pulled the strap in the other direction, nothing happened. Frantically, she pulled another strap, trying to figure out when Royal Guard armor had become so complicated. “I imagined this moment more—mmphm—sexy,” Celestia muttered as she fumbled with yet another buckle on Arrow’s armor. His legs flailed about limply as she tugged and yanked the many straps connecting the armor to his gorgeous, muscular body. Each failed attempt at loosening the armor frustrated Celestia more than the last. If it slackened in one area, it tightened in another, and half of the time, it did neither. Why were there so many superfluous straps and buckles? “I don’t care what ‘brilliant innovations’ the Royal Guard R&D department is working on,” Celestia grumbled, “Their next project is creating clip-on armor.” Throwing her hooves into the air, Celestia suppressed a scream and decided to cut her losses before she went mad. With a flash, golden magic sliced through the buckles, cleanly shearing them in half. At last, the straps released Long Arrow from their grip, and Celestia quickly ripped the stallion from their clutches before throwing the metal monstrosity against the farthest wall. Finally, she could unwind from the day. With nothing to separate her from Arrow, Princess Celestia flopped onto the bed beside her little stallion and idly drew circles on his chest with her hoof. Yawning, she scooted over to the head of the bed, dragging Arrow along with her. The soft, inviting covers welcomed her as she snuck under them with her living body pillow. As Celestia drifted off to sleep, Long Arrow held comfortably in her embrace, she couldn’t help but smile. Her little stallion would wake up tomorrow rested, happy, and very, very confused by the Alicorn in his bed. He was very, very confused, but mostly irritated. Kibbitz’s hoofsteps resounded through the hall as he stomped towards Princess Celestia’s bedroom. She may be Princess of the Sun, Diarch of Equestria, and his boss, but gods damn it, she had responsibilities. Shirking duties, suddenly changing rules, disappearing for entire days—what had brought about this sudden streak of unusual behavior? Did ageless beings experience mid-life crises? At this point, Kibbitz cared little for whatever excuses the Princess would muster when he confronted her. Regardless of how Celestia justified her scandalous behavior, he would personally nip this issue in the bud. Scowling at the guards standing near Celestia’s bedroom, Kibbitz stormed past them and threw the doors open. “Princess, I simply must protest this behavior,” Kibbitz said contemptuously as he burst into the room. “It is nearly eleven o’clock, Luna had to raise the sun by herself, and you have yet to even…” From across the room, a glassy-eyed, unkempt stallion in Princess Celestia’s bed stared at him. His armor, hoof guards, and helmet were scattered across the floor, joined by Celestia’s regalia and shoes. As Kibbitz took in the scene, the stallion blinked wearily while he worked his mouth up and down in slow, wordless motions. Without warning, Kibbitz’s attention snapped to the large, white pony lying beside the stallion as she stretched out a long, white leg and yawned loudly. Her eyes fluttered open and gazed satisfactorily at Long Arrow before leveling a sidelong glare at the other pony in the room. “Is something wrong, Kibbitz?” she asked expectantly. In that moment, Kibbitz wondered if he could impale himself with one of the guards’ spears before Princess Celestia banished him to the moon. After some consideration, he realized that he wasn’t as quick as he used to be. “I…uh… I… um… I…” “If your was goal was to awaken me, then you have accomplished it,” Celestia said curtly. “N-n-no, Your H-Highness, I did not intend to—“ “Is there anything else you wish to accomplish?” Celestia asked, daring Kibbitz to challenge her. Unless further agitating one of the most powerful beings on Equus could be considered an accomplishment, Kibbitz’s answers were limited. “Princess, I-I-I do not, but please understand—” “Then, as you can see,” Celestia interrupted as she leaned in to nuzzle the stallion’s cheek. “I have matters to attend to.” “O-of course, I-I-I just… You see…” As Kibbitz continued to stumble over his words, an unseen magical force tugged on his shirt collar. Steadily, deliberately, it dragged him out of the room. Then, in the second between his departure and the doors slamming in his face, he could almost swear that Celestia smirked at him. Dumbfounded, Kibbitz stood numbly at the doorway, convinced that he would wake up from this nightmare. “Should have knocked,” a voice beside him said. He turned towards the guard on his right and stared, stunned. “I’m just saying,” the guard continued. “It was pretty rude of you to barge into someone else’s room like that. “I know right?” the other guard added. “When we were on street patrol, everypony had such better manners. Getting transferred is the worst.” Collapsing onto his hindquarters and sighing, Kibbitz thought about what to do next as he glanced between the two Royal Guards. Impaling himself with one of their spears was still an option. Private Long Arrow was very, very confused. Surprisingly, it was not because of the Alicorn sharing his bed and nuzzling him affectionately. As Celestia rubbed against him, her ethereal mane tickling his snout and brushing against his ears, he remained unmoved. Her hooves ran up and down his chest lovingly, but he didn’t appear to notice. “Princess, how did I get here?” he asked. “Mmmm, does it matter?” Celestia whispered in his ear with a quiet giggle. Arrow opened his mouth to reply but closed it when he forgot what he was replying to. Looking down to the hoof caressing his chest, he said, “What happened to my armor?” “Oh, those bits of metal and leather? They were getting between us. I put them where they belong—on my bedroom floor,” she purred. “What did you put on the floor?” Arrow asked innocently. “Hmmm…” Celestia leaned over, nibbling on his neck as she continued, “Your armor, my little stallion.” “Oh… What about my armor?” Celestia pulled back and dropped the sultry tone. “Arrow, what do you think is going on right now?” “Well, I was in the Crystal Empire with you and Luna,” Arrow began. “Yes.” “And then we got iced tea and took it to the train station,” he continued. “Yes.” “And then—what was the question again?” Sometimes, Celestia wished Star Swirl was still around; his enchantments never had side-effects like this. Long Arrow drank twice as much iced tea as she had expected him to, and though he was “awake” now, his condition could hardly be called such. He wouldn’t recall any of this, which, for a less scrupulous pony, would be an opportune time for sexy fun. Unfortunately, Celestia was not an unscrupulous pony—even if she really wished she was right now. “Okay, let’s do this some other time—some time when you’ll actually remember it,” Celestia said with a sigh. “Okay,” Arrow replied agreeably. “Remember what?” Smiling at her poor little stallion, Celestia levitated a sticky note and quill over from her desk. “You have my deepest gratitude for all that you did with my Sister during your trip to the Crystal Empire,” she said, writing on the note as she spoke. “I know tomorrow is your day off, but take today off as well. Our plans can wait a few days.” “We have plans?” “Yes, we do!” Celestia said excitedly as she booped his nose, leaving behind the sticky note. “Now, why don’t you go home and rest?” “Yeah.” Long Arrow nodded enthusiastically and looked around the room before his eyes settled back on the Princess. “Go home,” Celestia said, pointing a hoof at the door to remind him. Obedient but still groggy, Long Arrow rose from the bed and headed to the door. His hooves wobbled back and forth while his head swiveled drunkenly as he tried to keep his balance. It was cute. Horrible, but still cute. Celestia smiled. The magic in his bloodstream would cloud his memories of the past day or so, and she doubted he would remember sleeping with her, but she looked forward to the day when he would remember. Eventually, he made it to the door—without incident, thankfully—although he did fumble with the handle before Celestia opened it for him with her magic. “Bye, Princess,” Long Arrow said with a wave as he trotted into the hallway. “Bye, Bye, Arrow,” Celestia replied, offering a polite wave before she shut the door. “What happened to Kibbitz?” “Sir?” “He trudged by me on the way over here,” Captain Bronze Lance said. “Looked like he’d done a forced march through Tartarus.” “Oh, he stopped by here earlier,” the Royal Guard replied. “Barged right into Celestia’s bedroom while she was still sleeping. Didn’t even knock.” “Yeesh, doesn’t that stallion have any sense?” Bronze Lance shook his head and looked to the other guard standing beside the door. “Even in the middle of a changeling invasion, I wouldn’t dare disturb the Princess in her chambers without knocking first. No wonder Kibbitz—” “Bye, Princess,” a stallion said as the Princess’s bedroom door opened. “Bye, Bye, Arrow,” Princess Celestia replied warmly before the door closed. The stallion looked to each of the three startled ponies. “Hey, guys,” he said. His brown mane was an unkempt mess, and his blue coat smelled faintly of sweat and perfume. A sticky note clung to his nose and blew upward with each breath, not that he seemed to notice. “Hello… Private,” Captain Lance replied uncertainly. Hesitantly, he peeled the note off arrow’s muzzle and glanced down at it. Oh gods, no. Give Private Long Arrow the day off and walk him home. He had a long night. -C. Now it made sense. The disheveled mane, the lack of armor, the scent of sweat and perfume, the noises everypony heard the other day, Celestia giving Arrow the day off—she and Arrow must be— “What does the note say, Sir?” one of the guards asked. Some say that ponies go to Tartarus for thinking impure thoughts about the Princesses, but most recognize it for the old mares’ tale that it is. Every stallion in Equestria has clopped to one of the Princesses at some point. Unlike the tale, though, nopony has spontaneously burst into flames as the souls of the damned drag them into the underworld. However, Captain Bronze Lance decided that today wasn’t the day to risk it. “Uh, Celestia… Long Arrow… He needs to go home—now, in fact. He needs to leave the castle right now, and head straight home,” Bronze Lance said as his blood pressure skyrocketed. “Is he okay? Should we do something, Sir?” “No, no… you have your post. I’ll handle this,” Bronze said, looping a hoof around Arrow’s neck and dragging him along. “Come on, Soldier, you’ve earned some rest.” Lucky motherbucker—all Bronze Lance had earned was another trip to the cardiologist.