//------------------------------// // Kings have needs, too. // Story: Joffrey Baratheon in Equestria (A Create Your Own Adventure Story) // by Deneld the Unspooked //------------------------------// You put a finger to your chin, searching through your depraved mind for an answer. But before you find one, you are struck with a stirring in your loins. The primal want for a woman’s touch. Undignified, to be sure, but even a king has his needs; he must attend to those before he can do kingly things. The answer’s found you, it seems. You recall the first of such thoughts towards womankind. Cersei was a beautiful woman – indeed, one of the most beautiful women in Westeros. You had imagined that she was even more beautiful in her youth, when she first married Robert. And she was the one who had nurtured you, comforted you in your times of need, and taught you the ways of the world. Indeed, you owe much of who you are to her. It seems only natural, then, that your first urges to mate would be directed to her. You wonder, for a brief moment, if she would have nurtured you in that way as well if you had expressed those urges to her. But as Westeros is but a distant memory, Cersei included, it is only brief. An urge for women, with no women to be found. Not even men who look like women. Just horses. Stallions and… mares. You let out a despondent sigh as you realize: from now on, you’ll have to be content to fuck a mare. Which mare? The one right in front of you would be the most logical choice. It’s going to be quite the challenge. You have no access to women, but she has access to stallions. Charming a talking horse into letting a man inside her when she could easily have another talking horse instead. Quite the challenge, indeed. But with Robert’s charm, Cersei’s good looks, and a bottle of whiskey, how can you fail? Starlight, at the very least, reminds you of Cersei. “You know,” you say, “I don’t think I’ve gotten to know you well enough. How about a night out on the town? Just the two of us.” Starlight giggles. “A king, asking me out on a date? I am flattered, Your Grace.” Your mouth stretches to a grin. “As you should be. But you know...” Your grin shrinks away. “I know it isn’t very manly to ask the lady where she’d like to go, but…” Starlight lets out a playful scoff. “It’s okay. I understand. Alien universe and all that. How about dinner and a movie?” You cock an eyebrow. “Can you tell me what a movie is?” “Hmm. Well, basically, you have this machine called a projector, which casts a beam of light onto a blank screen or canvas which puts an image on it. An image slide is put into it, then is projected onto this blank screen or canvas. Now, ‘movie’ is short for ‘motion picture’, which means the projector is flipping through many pictures in rapid succession – we’re talking fifteen, thirty every second – each one just ever so slightly different from the last. This gives it the illusion of motion, thus, motion picture. With me so far?” You nod. I don’t care. Get to the point. “Good. Now, alongside the motion picture is an audio track, which accompanies it through speakers placed on all sides of the theater. It has music, voice-acting, sound effects… pretty much every audio component that the filmmakers decide complements the motion picture, recorded and played back on a separate device. Both of those things together make up what we call a movie.” You nod. “Oh. So, it’s like a stage play with moving pictures on a canvas instead of live actors.” “Yeah, that about sums it up.” “You could’ve just said that.” She chuckles. “I know. But I like going on about these things. Anyway, are you interested? There’s one in particular I think you would like.” “Very well.” “Alright. Then let’s go. We don’t wanna be late.” “Joffrey!” You whip your gaze up to the open sky, in the direction of the shouting. Rocketing down at you from there is a cyan blur, trailing a shock of rainbow hair tossing in the wind. You clutch the handle of Widow’s Wail, ready to defend yourself. Yet, before the blur comes within the sword’s reach, a screen of bluish-green light flashes before your very eyes. The speeding blue slams into the screen with a pained grunt, then plummets down to the dirt road below. A cloud of dust rises on impact. As the dust settles and the screen dissipates, the blue pegasus bolts up from off the ground. You remember this one. Rainbow Dash. Once she’s up on her hooves, she glares at Starlight with a grimace across her face, and hatred searing in her eyes. “What the hay, Starlight? What is he doing outside the castle?” Starlight takes a step forward. “I’m taking some time to get to know him better so I can better teach him friendship. Is that so wrong?” “Uh, yeah! Did you hear what he did?” “What did he do?” “He murdered one of Celestia’s guards. Murdered him! And assaulted Celestia, herself!” “Yeah. He did. So, what?” “So, he’s dangerous!” Starlight stubs her nose up. “Well, I’m keeping a close eye on him. Nopony should have to worry about Joffrey doing anything unseemly.” Rainbow Dash growls. “He should be punished for this.” “Yeah. Well, he isn’t. Deal with it.” “Deal with it? Seriously!?” “Well, you’re not a Princess, are you?” “So, what if I’m not?” “So, it’s not your place to make those calls. It’s Twilight’s. Twilight is the Princess here, not you.” You roll your eyes. All this nattering and bickering is boring you to tears. Looks like magical female horses aren’t that different from women after all. So, what do you do? Let it run its course, or intervene?