Ever since the friendship games had ended, she hadn't been the since that awful, awful day when her friend Twilight was very nearly lost to her forever. She called Twilight her friend. "Friend?" a voice in her head said again and again "well you certainly didn't treat her like your friend"
She saw it when she closed her eyes and in her sleep. That devastating incident which could well have destroyed millions and millions of innocent lives had it not been for the kind intervention of her newfound friends from that lovely school across the city.
She called them her friends now, but not then. They were only rivals in her mind, and she didn't like rivals outdoing her at anything. She was determined to remain the best, to come first in any competition or contest. Determined to trump them once more in the friendship games like her school had done so many times before. And it was that pride, that stubbornness and obliviousness to what was really important that cost her dearly.
By sheer luck no damage was caused to any buildings and most of the students from the other school were quick to forgive and forget. She faced no verbal berating, her friends did not hold anything against her most likely because they too felt guilty for their own part in the catastrophe which they each contributed to. No one gave her any stern lectures and no one insulted her. They even seemed willing to comfort her but far from making her feel better and less ashamed, she only felt worse.
"Its alright" Sunset Shimmer said "It's fine. We forgive you"
The kind, forgiving words of an angel stung her far worse than any insult would in that moment, and Indigo Zap could not bring herself to face the speaker. "Leave me in peace" was all Indigo could bring herself to say in that moment. She could have apologised or tried to confess her terrible feeling of regret like a mature and honest grown up would have, but as hard as she tried she could not bring herself to form the words she intended.
"I can see you're hurt" Sunset said "Talking about it will make things better".
Indigo Zap gulped as the sheer embarrassment of what she was about to do, fell upon her like an avalanche but that was not enough to stop her from dashing away as fast as her legs would carry her. She just wanted to be as far away as possible from those she wronged.
She could hear Sunset calling to her pleadingly but that only caused her heart to race even faster and the adrenaline surge she felt in that moment to more than treble in potency. She sprinted quickly, hunted by her fears and guilt as she ran into an alley where she was sure no one would think to look. And she waited there, clutching her sore head until the night was fully come before gingerly sneaking home, looking back several times to check she was not being followed.
She locked the door and drew the curtains before creeping upstairs into her room and burying her face in the pillow, glad for once that her parents only came back once a year to visit her for a matter of days before bidding her a sad goodbye and returning to their oversea jobs, not to return for at least another long and tedious year.
One word described Indigo's feelings in that moment better than sad or angry ever could. Indigo Zap felt as if she had been zapped, electrocuted by a jolt of electricity far worse than any discharge of lightning from the sky could ever be. Her entire body shook uncontrollably and her head felt as if it would burst as she continued to writhe in agony as she cried out all the grief that had gathered inside her for who knew how long.
She felt as if the world was pulling away from her as she continued to sob until fatigue finally overcame and she gave in to the brief respite of a short, uncomfortable sleep which was bound to be filled with terrible nightmares.
"Now I know why Twilight was crying" she whispered to herself sorrowfully as sleep came "I'm sorry Twilight. I'm so very sorry. Sorry"
She woke to the sound of her cellphone. She sighed as she took it out of her pocket with a trembling hand and checked the number. It was Sour Sweet, her friend and teammate from the friendship games. Very reluctantly she pressed the accept button and put the phone to her ear, expecting at any moment the feigned sweet voice of Sour Sweet which would quickly turn sour and sarcastic. Indigo didn't blame her, Sour Sweet had always been like this due to some sort of mental disorder she had gained during her troubled childhood.
And if anyone were to walk up to Sour Sweet and start insulting her for her outlandish mannerisms or berate her for having a screw loose, Indigo would make sure they had a bad, bad time.
The voice on the other end of the phone was neither sweet, nor sour. It held no hint of sarcasm, no sign of exaggeration and nothing to indicate a bipolar personality belonged to the speaker. It was grave, serious and spoken in a quiet, concerned voice hardly louder than a whisper.
"Indigo Zap? Are you there?"
"Yes. Yes I'm here."
"Is everything alright, you seemed really upset earlier and we were so worried when you just ran off like that. I just wanted to make sure everything was fine"
To reply yes to that question would have comforted her clearly worried friend, but even Indigo Zap knew it didn't take an element of harmony bearer to know that to lie to her friend was to show disloyalty and there was no place for disloyalty in a real friendship.
"No. I'm not alright. I'm not alright. I'm sorry Sour Sweet, I'm really not alright"
"I'm so sorry to hear that" Sour Sweet replied, her tone still serious and very worried "Do you want to talk about it? Or maybe come and pay us a visit so we can try and make you feel better. Time with friends always helps you with your grief right?"
"To be honest" sighed Indigo Zap, tears welling in her eyes once more "I prefer not to talk about it. But if you have time, there is one small favour I'd like to ask of you. Please."
"Anything to make you feel better"
Indigo Zap had to make a huge effort not to cry as she whispered with a trembling lip into the phone "Tell Twilight if you see her anytime soon, Indigo Zap apologises. Tell Twilight, she's always been one of the nicest people I ever had the chance to meet. Tell her, I'm sorry for all the horrible things I said to her and that its okay if she doesn't want to forgive me. Please, do that for me Sour Sweet. I hope I'll see you again soon. I love you"
And before Sour Sweet could reply, Indigo Zap rang off and switched the cell phone off with a trembling hand.
She then took out a photo of her parents and held it close to her chest. "Mom, dad. I'm so sorry I did such horrible things to my friend. I'm sorry I cheated to win, and most of all I'm sorry I ignored your advice. You were right mom and dad. You were right when you said that pushing ourselves in the right direction was more important that just pushing ourselves." She shook as she placed the photo on a table by her bed "If you ever find out about what I did, then I promise I won't blame you when you tell me I don't deserve to be your daughter"
She spent the rest of the day lying in bed, tears trickling from her closed eyelids even as she slept.
2 weeks later
Lightning Dust sighed to herself and slapped herself in the face hard as she placed the phone down once more. It was the tenth time today that Indigo Zap had refused to answer her call. She had been trying to call Indigo Zap for a week now and still received no reply. She knew Indigo Zap to be a strong, determined individual who rarely showed fear, but this was beginning to worry her deeply.
But as much as she wanted to, Lightning Dust could not go to see Indigo Zap. She was miles away from the town where Indigo Zap lived and even a trip by plane would take several hours. Never mind the fact she had hardly enough money to live from day to day without starving, let alone pay for a ride to the nearest airport or a plane ride.
Nor could she simply notify the police about Indigo Zap. The police would be far more interested in putting her behind bars than in helping her friend.
"I hope she's safe" was all Lightning could say as she put her phone away and quickly walked away from the empty train platform she had been standing on, knowing the police or a local who would not hesitate to call the police would be there any second.
Sour Sweet and Indigo Zap's other friends were not having much luck getting to her either. Their calls went not answered and when they knocked on her door, the only response was a loud "Leave me in peace. Fine, I'm fine."
The way the voice sounded, it really did sound like Indigo Zap would break out in a seething rage if any of them tried to talk further to her and so with a guilty conscience, they trudged away. They knew that even if they did call the police, all the police would do was lock their friend in a disgusting mental institute filled with disgusting people who would surely do terrible things to her. Since when did the police in this city ever do anything to help the situation.
But today they knew that Indigo Zap could not go on living like this. It was today they had an epiphany and after a lot of careful reasoning, had finally agreed upon what should best be done to help their suffering friend though the decision was desperate and somewhat hasty.
They hired a taxi and rushed to Twilight's house. They knew what Indigo Zap needed to make her feel better. But by the time they got to the house, Twilight had already gone. Far from looking crestfallen, Sour Sweet and the others shared one of the first smiles they had shared in a long time. A small one but a smile still.
Twilight rushed to Indigo's house, huffing and puffing. She felt anger with herself for being so vindictive with some of her fellow pupils after their antics at the friendship games. All Indigo Zap was determined to do was to win, she simply wanted to encourage Twilight to win with her as her teammate and now Twilight understood that after careful reflection.
"Are we gonna win" was Indigo's catchphrase which she would yell in a loud booming voice to Twilight every morning and evening on the bus, giving Twilight a splitting headache.
Twilight thought at first that Indigo Zap constantly yelling that phrase was for no purpose other than to make her feel worse about herself or simply to annoy her. But looking back, she slowly began to understand that Indigo did genuinely value Twilight as a teammate and friend. Now that her initial anger at Indigo Zap and the others for peer pressuring her into doing something they should have known could have been very dangerous had began to dissipate, she could look at each of them inside and out more clearly and with less bias.
All Indigo Zap wanted was Twilight's cooperation and loyalty in return for her loyalty. Loyalty was a two way street after all. Perhaps she didn't go about it in the best or most sensitive way, but when such fierce competition was present and so much was at stake for their school, Indigo's actions were very relatable.
Ever since Sour Sweet had called her days ago to tell her just how sorry Indigo Zap felt, and a few days later, about how Indigo seemed to be getting worse and worse by not coming to see her friends and shunning all company, Twilight had felt only more empathy with Indigo.
She was angry with herself as she finally got to Indigo Zap's house at having not come here sooner, but just managed to stop a fresh flow of tears from trickling out when she told herself that late was better than never.
She knocked. There was no response. She knocked louder. "Just, leave me in peace" came a frightened, shaking voice from within which Twilight barely recognized as being the once confident and proud Indigo Zap.
"It's me, Twilight. Your friend" replied Twilight shyly "Please. Just let me see you."
"Look" replied Indigo Zap apologetically "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you so badly. Honestly"
"I've forgiven you. Its okay. I don't hold anything against you. If anything, it was mostly Principal Cinch's fault that you acted the way you did"
A long, tired sigh came from inside. "You want to make me feel better by persuading me it wasn't my fault" the voice said in a breaking mutter "That's what I always loved about you Twilight. You always try to see the good in others and to treat them as nicely as possible even when they don't treat you the same way. But it was my fault. If I hadn't pressured you so much about winning the games. If I listened to you and, hadn't joined the others when they asked you to unleash the dangerous magic in that necklace you had. If I hadn't been so insensitive and disloyal to a good and caring friend like you, none of this would have happened. So don't shift the blame Twilight, don't shift the blame"
Twilight was shocked. She had heard from the others that Indigo Zap had been unwell but she never expected her to become this much of a shut in and recluse with so little confidence in herself.
"Are you hungry?" asked Twilight trying to change the subject "You must be starving by now. I have a sandwich in my backpack which I can give you"
"I'm not. I'm not hungry."
"Just please, let me see you" begged Twilight realizing her only hope was to convince Indigo Zap she was truly forgiven "I forgive you, really I do. We can still be friends like we were before the friendship games. Just please, let me see you once more so we can put this sad incident in the past and move forward together as friends"
It took a while for Indigo Zap to reply. But when she did, she slowly opened the door with a shaking hand so that Twilight could see what two weeks alone in voluntary solitary confinement had done to a once brash and energetic athlete.
Indigo Zap seemed to shuffle uncontrollably as she walked and with each step she took, her eyes blinked rapidly and her once strong and well built muscles seemed to contract involuntarily. She held a palm in front of her hands as if to shield her eyes from the dimming light of the bleak, winter evening.
Her skin was pale and it was clear that in these two weeks she had not eaten even a morsel. But more clear to Twilight than all of these observations put together was the fact Indigo Zap despite doing her best to make direct eye contact with Twilight, seemed far away in another world.
She took her hand away from her eyes, and with a great effort managed to stop her eyes from blinking. "Tell me" she pleaded, mad with hope as she spoke. "Tell me that your feelings for me as a friend haven't died. And please. Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied. Keep you satisfied"
Twilight opened her mouth to reply but Indigo cut her off. "Please, Twilight. Don't be this way. Don't leave our school behind hating us."
Twilight knew Indigo Zap could not take no for an answer. And to show just how dedicated she was to being friends once more, she took hold of Indigo Zap's freezing hands tightly and shook them. "I'm your friend Indigo Zap" she said as she rested her other hand on Indigo Zap's shoulder to comfort her.
Indigo Zap was at a loss for words as she slowly nodded. Tears of joy and relief trickled from her now no longer blinking eyes as she wrapped her arms around Twilight and embraced her in a gentle hug.
"I promise to be more loyal from now on" she promised"I vow from this moment on to treat you with the same respect, dedication and most importantly loyalty that a friend deserves. I promise never to betray you like the untrustworthy Principal Cinch did. And when you need me Twilight, call me, I will be there for you."
That night as Lightning Dust sneaked through the alleyways she knew would be totally deserted, her cellphone rang. She didn't waste a second in picking up.
"It feels good" came Indigo Zap's cheerful and cathartic voice "It feels good to be forgiven and given a second chance. I feel better now. She forgave me. Twilight forgave me."
"That's great my dear Isotope" replied Lightning Dust quietly, knowing that noise would quickly draw attention from the police who were bound to be tailing after her "That's good. I'm glad you're finally ready to move on and glad you got another chance" Lightning Dust could not help but sigh slightly with envy.
"I'm sure one day you'll get another chance too. I'm sure one day they'll forgive you and let you go" soothed her isotope on the other end of the line, clearly reading her mind.
"Maybe I will. But for now, I have to keep on running if I'm ever going to see you again. I can't talk now but I'm really happy for you. So goodbye for now my dear isotope"
"Goodbye".
Lightning Dust glanced around cautiously to check no one had seen her before slipping the phone back into her pocket and continuing to creep forward as quietly as she could.
She liked to think of Indigo Zap and Rainbow Dash as her isotopes, with all three of them being competitive, proud and at times stubborn and accidentally arrogant.
But now was not the time to stop and reflect, but to keep running and not look back.
She wondered how things had changed in the time she spent away from Canterlot high and how long it would be before she saw her friend and isotope indigo Zap again.
But for now, her one goal was to run and hide, else that day would never come.