What It Means

by Dustchu


New World Arc - Its A Whole New World

Have you ever had one of those days, where you just yell—Fuck it!—to the world at the top of your lungs, and subsequently followed it up with some crazy ass shit? Like say; you're overcome with this incredibly tough obstacle and you're terrified of failing it for whatever reason, and you have no other choice but to try and overcome it?

Sometimes you just need a little push to get you going, a nudge to move forward and actually attempt whatever stupid idea you want to do, you know?

"You're not gonna make that jump!"

"Fuck it!"

Something like that, you know? Sometimes all we need is a little nudge to get going.

Right now, you're probably wondering what in the hell is going on. Well, don't worry, I'm wondering that myself and I'm narrating this mess. But alas, I am here to help explain this story to you, what is happening right now, and who these two characters are, it's my job after all!

Who am I you ask?

Well, that's easy. I'm the poor fucker that was sucked into this world like every Human in Equestria character ever.

Okay maybe not every story ever, but a decent amount of them. Anyway, some of those stories always end with our lovable human protagonist being thrown into the Everfree Forest by some chance, or perhaps Sweet Apple Acres with best apple horse. Then you do work with her, deal with some racism from the ponies who don't like the new monkey in town, earn bits to provide for yourself because you're one of those stubborn people who doesn't want charity, and maybe you'd end up romancing and getting with best pony.

The usual methods of ending up in Equestria entailed Discord having a hand in pulling you there, or it was just some random teleportation spell from Twilight who found a new book and wanted to try out the new magic she had at her hooves, or something along those lines.

And me? Oh no. I nowhere even close to being that lucky, not even a little. But I did end up in the lovable world of course, of course it alludes me as to how exactly that happened, that and it took me some time before finding it out.

It all started a few days ago, in a very hot place many knows...

As a fucking desert.


ooo000---000ooo


So yeah as some tended to do it, my day had started out quite normally for me. As normally as a day in Arkansas can go of course, it wasn't bad or anything, get up, go to work, get lunch, party hardy, nap until tomorrow. Yesterday was... a bit sub-par, boring, things like that, more so than usual. I had woken up after a relatively hard day of work at the nearby Walmart and doing stuff with some of my friends at a bar, which may or may not have involved a bar fight, which then ended with me heading on home for a very very long nap.

Bar fights never ended well with me and my friends.

After waking up from my nap, I was quick to climb out of my bed, fumbling around my rather small room as I ventured in search of my shirt I had thrown off in my half tired stupor. I eventually found it was lying on the floor next to my pet, a very troublesome pet to take care of but I love her to bits.

Would you believe me if I told you I had an owl for a pet? Well, I do, just a pretty looking Woodland Owl I had found injured during a storm. Injured and wild animal she was, I obviously had to be careful, so I ended up driving her to the vet to get taken care of, which was a scary ordeal in of itself.

Her claws were sharp and spoopy.

It was an obviously worrisome time, me fretting over a wild owl that crashed onto my porch. But after she was better, I took her in until she was ready to fly back home. The vet was a jerk and didn't want her, so I took her in.

Arkansas animal healthcare at it's finest, folks!

But the funny thing is after she was completely healed up, she didn't fly away like I expected her too. Well, not fly away as in leave the property, instead she stuck around my home. Sometimes she flew off towards the woods but she always came back, usually with some kind of rodent in her talons to munch on.

She even came inside sometimes, waddling inside and being damn good at catching the annoying rats I have that infested my house.

Of course, it wasn't really legal to own a big owl like her, but what the authorities didn't know wouldn't hurt them...

Besides I didn't own the owl, she just so happened to live in my bedroom and eat my food, so...

Fuck your rules.

Is my room slanted? I wondered briefly, feeling like I was standing at an odd angle. I dismissed it as my stupid balance being off center like it usually was. I got all wobbly and shit after I woke up and couldn't tell up from down if I wanted to, and falling down was pretty much a given!

I didn't waste time before throwing on my shirt and listening to the sounds of my owl, Snowdrop, waking up. I blinked to clear the gunk from my hazel eyes and looked around. My room was extremely bland, no posters, just a dresser, closet and a door leading to the hallway. My room sucked, if I was being honest. But that was because I had all of my stuff in my 'Goob Cave' as I called it, a room filled with all of my gaming equipment, YouTubing gear and everything else.

My bedroom was where I slept, which was pretty bare except for my sad little bed, which was actually an inflatable mattress.

I sighed and yawned widely. I scratched my gut, snorting as I put on my shoes and made my way over to the door leading out of my room, in which I was headed for the bathroom to do my usual morning routine.

Shit, shower, maybe shave.

When I opened up my door, I found nothing resembling my hall after pulling my door open.

I found sand spilling down onto my floor instead, and felt a lot of heat washing over me like a heater turned on full blast. When I blinked again I looked down at the sand covering my bare floor and tried to rationalize what in the sweet fuck was going on. A thought of this being a prank came to mind. My friends tended to prank me from time to time like the goodhearted assholes they were, but I think filling my house with sand is a tad bit too far even for them.

"Okay, guys... not cool," I muttered, rubbing the gunk from my eyes as I took a look around, expecting to see my friends giggling nearby, maybe at the end of the hall.

However, I saw something that made me wonder if Steve had slipped me crystal meth cut with some hardcore street drug.

I didn't see my bland hallway covered in crap paintings, instead, I saw a very large looking amount of sand in all directions, sandy dunes and no trees for as far I could see. It looked like a desert, strangely enough, with sand, lots of sand in all directions. Did I say that already? Well, I'll say it again.

There is sand everywhere!

"Why is there a desert in my house... actually, where the fuck is my house?" I asked no one in particular. And hearing a chirping noise behind me, Snowdrop landed on the floor next to me. I looked down at her and saw her inspecting the sand, head tilting before looking up at me with her pretty big eyes. "No fuckin' idea." I responded to her curious look before looking out into the desert again.

I must have been tripping so hard on something right now.

I shook my head rapidly, in the hopes of whatever drug I was probably stoned on would go away and give me a clear head. But that only served to give me a headache, one I did not appreciate at all. With a growl, I trudged back into my room as Snowdrop went to her perch on my dresser. I went towards the footlocker at the end of my bed, my trusty and handy dandy footlocker!

After opening said footlocker, I looked at its contents. My footlocker was filled with various items ranging from useful to very useful, things I bought from sites that sold knives, survival books, helmets and tactical vests. The kind of stuff that someone buys in case zombies attack and such. Inside my footlocker was a standard looking utility belt with some pouches on it that I had gotten a few years ago, along with a survival knife with a blade that measured about six inches. And my handy backpack which had a first aid kit inside it, a flashlight, glow sticks and some other junk.

Shame my house was currently missing. I could head into my closet and arm myself with the guns I had stored in my gun vault.

Fuck me silly.

I settled on grabbing my equipment out of the locker before throwing on some more practical clothing. A pair of rough jeans, hiking boots, and grabbing my lucky orange hat nearby before strapping on the gear I had. After making sure everything was snug and on properly, I sighed and found myself cursing the fact that my gun vault was pretty much gone forever.

Welp... now what do? I pondered as I looked towards the door and Snowdrop. "We're in uncharted territory my young friend, time for adventure!" I declared, gesturing towards the door.

Snowdrop just blinked her pretty big eyes at me.

"That's what I thought, anywho, feel free to join me." I sighed, hocking up a spit before sending it flying into the sands.

The sun was high in the sky, shining down on the sandy dunes surrounding me on all sides. When I walked out I heard a screeching noise and turned to see Snowdrop flying off into the sky, hovering around. I made my way out of the room, and I saw that it had been jaggedly ripped from my house, somehow. Apparently some force decided to get rip it apart from the main building itself and toss it out into who knows where, as opposed to say... my room and my gun vault, or not at all.

I was confused as to how that happened, exactly, seeing how there was no way in hell I could have slept through any sort of construction...

Yeah no that was a bold faced lie, I was a heavy as fuck sleeper.

I pursed my lips and turned back around. I decided on climbing up to the highest dune with a few pathetic grunting noises, my knees were giving me trouble, not something I'd want to say and mean at such a young and tinder age. Once I reached the top, I scratched my ass like any king would and cast my bloodshot gaze out into the great open horizon.

According to my calculations and keen eyes. I saw approximately Diddle Fuck in great abundance all around me.

"Fuck." I heard Snowdrop flying around me. I saw her tilting her head at me when I looked, hovering next to me with that almost vacant look in her eyes. "No idea, Snowy. Let's trudge on forward though, see what we can find out here." I didn't feel too keen on leaving the safety of my abode, but I didn't have anything else in there that was worth taking along with me.

Everything I had was currently on my person and flying next to me, that and I wasn't so sure how long I'd be able to live in that room until something decided to attack me.

With the promise of adventure and a 98% chance of death...

I moved forward.


ooo000---000ooo


I walked for an hour... a straight hour, I know because I was keeping track on my watch. I had left at seven-fifty, it was now an hour past that mark. And so far I had found nothing worth finding out here. Just sand, some rock formations in the distance that didn't look appealing in the slightest, some bones half buried in the ground, nothing! I was hoping to find something nearby, maybe a town or some people.

But of course, I had no fucking clue where I was.

For all I know I could be on an alien world or something.

And something tells me I was probably right in that regard, cause nothing here feels right to me. The area didn't feel like earth to be frank, the air, the ground, the smells and tastes, everything was different. But what do I know? I never looked around my own country, for all I know I was thrown into a really sandy part of Nevada and this is all just a really and weirdly complex prank my friends pulled on me to get back at me for... something.

But of course, like any good story, I was proven very wrong when I saw some smoke pillars rising up into the sky nearby.

I rose an eyebrow at the sight of it as a weight settled on my shoulders, Snowdrop has made landfall, and lemme tell ya, that was painful.

Good thing my shoulder's numb from countless years of agonizing pain.

Growing a bit anxious and interested at the smoke, I trudged forward over a few of the sand rises until I came across a sight that lay on my off-beaten path. Nestled in the middle of the desert and several well-beaten pathways leading off into various directions was a rather modestly sized town, with buildings of sand and wood sprouting up here and there in no organized fashion.

It reminded me a bit of a place that was no doubt a hive of scum and villainy, was it that way?

Only one way to find out!

Keeping a hand on my belt I made my way down the hill and walked towards the town. I also spotted several figures walking around, and when I got closer I couldn't help but slow down a bit when I spotted the... oddities that were the townsfolk. Walking around town were—if my eyes didn't deceive me that is—bipedal and feathered creatures, with large wings on their backs and heads resembling some kind of bird with their lower body reminding me of a lion, wearing clothing.

Griffons... wha-? I blinked, stopping my walk as I even saw other anthropomorphic-looking creatures, Minotaurs (not a good example but still worth mentioning—Donkeys, Zebra...

And the one type that really caught my eyes were the horses, but a look at one of their hips and I saw a distinct mark emblazoned on them, as well as bright colors covering their entire bodies.

Welp... I am all kinds of weirded out right now. I reasoned, conking myself on the head with my fist as Snowdrop cooed in confusion—I think—at my actions.

I gotta be hallucinating things right now. I was seeing ponies, griffons, other mythological creatures that, by earth logic, did not exist in reality. And yet here I was staring at an entire town full of them. And these were not just regular ponies, these were straight up full blooded MLP:FIM style ponies; pegasi, unicorn, earth ponies, bright colors and cutie marks.

I had to be dreaming right now, yet with the slight tingle of pain on my shoulder from Snowdrop's talons, the pain in my head from hitting myself and the blazing heat of the desert all told this was real, this was reality. Unless I was dealing with some weird mind-fuck construct that's making me think this is real when actually I'm probably outside right now in the street looking like a complete idiot...

Ehh, might as well enjoy this.

I shook my head as I tried to clear the idiocy from it before venturing into town proper, trying in deep vain to keep the girlish fanboy deep inside my heart, gut, and nutsack from exploding forth and compromising my outward appearance and making me look like a total dweeb.

The town itself was nicely built and had a very roguish feel about it, the people here hung around the alleys and fronts of some buildings watching the townspeople doing their thing, others were in groups and playing weird street games that made me curious... almost curious enough to try my hand at and play. I tended to have good luck every now and than, maybe I'd try my hand, assuming I could play with nothing which I wasn't betting on. There were some carts set up selling some goods, I saw some selling short swords and shields, bows and arrows and hatchets, herbs and potion like stuff.

I felt like I was in a desolate fantasy town.

I looked all around, noticing a few looks being thrown at me from the minotaur, griffons, even the ponies all stared at me. Not too many to worry me though. I was just the new guy in town... a new guy who, from the looks of things, was the only human.

That could raise problems for me.

I just snorted and cracked my knuckles as I looked for the town bar. My gamer senses were tingling like no tomorrow and told me I needed to find information, and what better place than a bar? Bars, pubs, and taverns were places where people gathered to share stories, nap, drink, find other people, and gain quests! It was the perfect place for me to find some help.

Now if only I could find one around, seedy looking as this place looked, it had to have one somewhere.

Where to, where to.

I pondered as Snowdrop—thankfully—flew off of my shoulder and took flight above me. I saw her fly down one of the paths above anyone's reach and hovering near some buildings, she cawed, drawing my attention further.

Curiously I walked to where she flew too and saw she was hovering in front of a bar. Huh. I smiled as she landed back on my shoulder, the one that was currently numb from years of her being perched there whenever she decided...

Well... numb enough that the pain didn't bother me.

"Good find, Snow." She chirped as I walked into the bar, which had a sign denoting it as The Horny Caribou. This'll be a fun time. I thought before I passed through the saloon style doors.

Once inside, well, I quickly found out why it was called the Horny Caribou.

Inside, the place was well furnished with tables, chairs and stools, comfy looking booths and a large round bar with about three pretty looking mares working it. And the reason for the name? Off to the side I saw the creature in question.

A large looking beast sitting in his own private booth being serviced, and by serviced I mean he was fucking some mare senseless with fast and furious abandon, and she seemed to be enjoying it. His antlers were large, his muzzle long and body covered in a disgusting amount of muscle mass. The only thing he was wearing was a... I guess armored skirt or something that was currently laying on the floor next to him.

It was also really dark in here like they had some kind of mood lighting or something going on.

I grew anxious all of a sudden, why wouldn't I? I've read those accursed Fall of Equestria stories, the sex slavery, and all that business. It was something that physically disgusted me. But this place didn't have that feel to it, there were no chains, no cages, and everyone seemed pretty chill considering the intense smell of musk, grunting, and slapping nearby of sexy times. Drinks were passed around, food was being eaten, conversation was being had.

Jeez, not even three thousand words in and already there's something dirty going on.

I just shook my head and tried to ignore the slapping of flesh against flesh as well as my own second hand embarrassment. I looked around the tavern/pub/bar place thing, seeing if anyone inside this place could possibly help me out as some funky sounding dance music sounded. I could always ask the bartenders I guess, see what they knew, bartenders were everyone's friend.

I didn't get the chance to go and ask, however, someone had grabbed me by the arm and yanked me to the side. "Yipe!" I yelped as Snowdrop flapped off somewhere like a douche, leaving me for dead.

I was dragged onto the dance floor by a something in a cloak and hood. I saw some people on this weird dance floor doing some weird moves that alluded me. And before I could even question what that one dude was even wearing, I heard someone speak, "Dance and act natural." A female voice told me, and I saw the hooded and cloaked person dancing the weird dance.

I looked around and sighed before joining in on this... weird dance of theirs. I didn't know what was going on, nor did I have any idea how to do said weird dance, so I went with it, best as I could, anyway. "The fuck am I doing?" I muttered, mostly to myself.

"Just act natural." The female told me, grabbing my hand and making me take the lead in this little dance of ours. I twirled her around a couple of times as the beat picked up, and we moved just a little faster to keep in time with it. Her moves were obviously better than mine, as I've never danced well in my life. "I need your help."

"Uhhh... with what, why, and most important of all, who are you?" I asked, smiling and acting as natural as a blister at a band-aid party.

She grunted, spinning around me and saying, "No time to explain." She told me as she took my hands and placed them on her hips as she did some kind of... very seductive dance against my body.

Needless to say, I was both uncomfortable and slightly turned on by this, so I ain't gonna complain!

"U-uhm, I think you have plenty of time, considering we're just dancing... somewhat erotically for whatever reason." I coughed awkwardly as she practically moved her body against mine, forcing me to do the same. This didn't exactly help me at all, considering I could feel the contours of her body, every little tight muscle and curve.

She sighed and turned around to face me. I could only make a pair of bright magenta orbs, golden skin, and strands of gray bangs. She kept her body pressed to mine and I could feel... two very distinct and plush objects pressed against my chest as she whispered, "Listen, I'm being chased by some cultists." Her eyes flicked to the side and she kept her hood down over her face, looking down and away. She held me closer and spun around as if to keep hidden, but her eyes glanced past me and back towards the bar, "They're after me and I need to keep what I have safe from them, or else the whole world could be in danger."

I subtly looked over to where she was looking and saw a couple of large looking caribou walking into the place from the back, they were wearing light armor and carrying short swords. They looked all around, no doubt for the mare currently making me dance with her like I was about to get laid hard.

Sadly, that was not the case here.

I turned back to the mare, continuing the dance as I carefully timed our steps to the beat, or at least tried to. I was subtly pushing us behind some people to give us a bit of privacy and hide her a bit more. "I think I saw them, what do you need my help for?" I questioned, seeing the exit nearby and the caribou a bit towards the back near the other one. They seemed a bit transfixed on the mare being fucked senseless, that would give us an opening to run for it if we needed to.

Dirty bastards.

I felt her hand leave my side, and then something rather heavy was placed in my own. "Take this and keep it safe until I come back, I'll make it worth your while, I promise." Before I could even ask what, I felt a pair of lips press against my cheek before she darted away rather fast, drawing attention to herself.

I watched as the chick pushed past several dancing ponies before bursting out through the door, catching the attention of the caribou who immediately gave chase. "Get back her you accursed bitch! I'll rape your ass off!"

What a nice attitude to have.

I swallowed the lump in my throat hard, watching as they left the building. I held the item I was given close under my shirt and left through the same door after a moment. I saw them stampeding off somewhere after the female. That was a nice and terrifying experience to go through.

Once I assumed I was safe from being chased and probably ass-raped into oblivion, I quickly ducked into a nearby alleyway which led into another alleyway before stopping.

Well... that was interesting, holy crap. I thought as I rubbed my face.

I made sure the area around me was clear of any suspicious or curious eyes before pulling out the item I was given.

It was some orb of sorts, covered in crisscrossing lines of a soft red. The outer part of it was metallic, smooth like steel; it was also a shiny black coloration and pulsated in my hand like a sickened heartbeat. I felt an overwhelming sense of wrong when I held it in my hands, disgust, fear, anguish all rushing through me before I tore my gaze from it. I blinked the crazy from my eyes before ripping off my backpack and shoving the weird ball thing into it, covering it up with my other clothes and zipping it up tightly.

Great, I have a demon testicle in my backpack, just swell. What in the ever living fuck is this thing?

Demon testicle. I thought, shaking my head to get rid of the feelings. I heard a screech above me after a bit and saw Snowdrop flapping her way down to me. "Hey, yeah. Thanks for ditching me, by the way." I stuck out my tongue, and she just tilted her head before landing on an old wagon and putting her near eye level with me.

I sighed, leaning back against the wall before crossing my arms.

Stuck in a new world that is literally teeming with magic, found a bar, met a chick, got a demon Deku nut and now I gotta wait in this place until whoever that girl was comes back for the thing. I scratched my head violently, messing up my hair and shaking my head wildly, I flung my long hair about before putting my hat back onto my head. No no no, I couldn't have been brought directly into Equestria where my waifus are, I had to be thrown into a desert and probably pulled into some Indiana Jones adventure.

The prospect of adventure was a very cool one, I've always wanted to go on some epic adventure in a new world, it was a little dream of mine. Ever since I was a kid freshly obsessed with Pokemon, wanting nothing more than to go to the Pokemon world and go on my own epic adventure with my team, kicking ass and taking names...

Only another decade passed and I felt my dreams crashing down around me.

Well no more, I'm living that dream right now! I smiled, looking up and around me. I was in a new world, filled with magic, unexplored locations, and dangers around every corner...

What was stopping me from having one a proper adventure?

Nothing, that is what!

I grinned to myself as I looked towards Snowdrop. "Well Snowy, looks like we got ourselves quite a tale ahead of us..." With that said, I left the alleyway with Snowdrop behind me in the air.

Now to wait for what's her face.


Later... Again


After waiting a good long while which was mostly spent on the wooden rooftops of some buildings which proved rather sturdy, I began to grow bored with my time waiting. Who didn't get bored waiting for someone to come or something to happen? It was boring... like, excruciatingly boring. Like waiting at the doctor's office to get checked out or something.

You just want it to end already.

Thankfully I managed to keep myself busy by spying on people down below, subtly gathering information from whoever was talking below me. I learned I was in a small town called Bronze Hoof, a thousand miles south of Equestria and north of a mountain that they literally named the Misty Mountains.

I felt the need to discover if a dragon lived there guarding a massive hoard of gold and jewels while traveling with a large company of dwarves, a hobbit and a wizard.

My thoughts on The Hobbit were interrupted when something landed beside me with a soft thump. "Whoah!" I hissed out in surprise, whipping around and seeing the cloaked girl again. Now that we were in a well-lit place, I could see her cloak was a dark brown color that covered everything above her knees, where I saw her bare golden legs and brown hiking boots covered in dried mud.

She looked down at me and asked in an anxious tone, "Do you still have it?"

I nodded and stood up, pulling off my backpack and out came the demon ball thing. "This thing creeps me out." I commented, handing it to her and shuddering once she took it.

She seemed unphased by the feeling I was under the influence of, however. "Thank you for not selling it like most would have done." She told me, reaching into her cloak and pulling out a small bag before tossing it to me. "Here, payment for helping me."

I barely caught the bag once it was thrown, but once I did and opened it up I found plenty of hexagonal shaped gold coins inside, all of which weighed a nice amount. "Whoah... tits." I nodded, looking back up at the female who gave me a strange look at what I said. "Uhm, no problem," I told her as I put the coins in my pocket and put my backpack back on. "Always happy to help, though, I may ask, what in the hell is that thing?" I pointed to the ball she held, which she put into her cloak for sake keeping. "I picked up some weird funky vibes from it, and judging from how those Caribou were acting... they want it, badly."

She glanced at me, eyes staring into my own. If I had to guess, something was weighing on her mind, maybe about what I asked. I just crossed my arms and waited for an answer, sniffling as Snowdrop perched nearby and watched us both.

"This orb I carry is not just any orb." She finally said.

I nodded, replying, "I gathered that much, it's too freaky looking."

She pursed her lips, which I could barely make out as she continued. "It is an ancient key, crafted ages ago by the solar and lunar princesses' ancestors. Seven of these were made and used to lock away a very dangerous foe that millennia ago, would have taken over the world and enslaved millions under his dark rule." She shuddered slightly, "He is not someone I'd want to face alone, I have enough trouble with my own enemies without adding more to the roster. And those Caribou who were chasing me wish to raise this dark foe from the deepest depths of Tartarus."

I blinked, looking at her and gathering my thoughts, "Whoever it is, sounds like a dickhead." I nodded and snorted hard. "So this is one of those keys... so if it's so dangerous, why keep it instead of like... I dunno, doing the logical thing and destroying it?" I asked out of genuine curiosity.

To me something like this should either be quintuplet padlocked behind the strongest doors in the deepest ocean, buried so deep that no living being can get to it.

Or like I said, destroyed, but there was probably a decent reason why that wasn't an option.

She frowned at my suggestion and replied with a sharp, "Destroying the key isn't possible, it's an enchanted object that is thousands of years old. It's not that simple."

But I was persistent, like the dumbass I was. "Sounds pretty simple to me." I shrugged. "Just get some super strong magic user to blow it up or something, boom... only six keys and seven locks." I told her, it sounded decent enough, but she shook her head.

"It cannot be destroyed!" She hissed at me, adding, "It's enchanted to be indestructible to any sort of damage a mortal can inflict upon it."

"Whatever you say." I backed off. Looking into the town, I questioned her, "So now what are you gonna do?"

She looked within her cloak at the orb, leaving me to wonder what was going on in her head. "I have an idea on what to do with it, but I need to get to Equestria. I'll give it to the princesses, they'll know what to do with it."

"Cool beans." I nodded with a smile. I was also about to be the gentleman of course, and introduce myself to her. But instead of that. I heard some thuds nearby and when we both turned to look behind her, we both spotted a pair of thin looking caribou in light armor wielding bows and bearing a mark on their chests of a blood red hand. "Uhh... howdy, fellas." I said, nervousness welling up in my gut.

Welp.

"You... wench! Give us the orb!" The left one ordered, pulling out a short sword and pointing it at us.

"Restrain her, hairless one, and we shall let you have the honors of fucking her first." The other grinned as the female turned back towards me.

I just blinked... did they seriously just offer to let me rape her first? I blinked again, then replied, "Yeah, how about no?"

"Did you trick me?" She asked, hissing under her breath.

Ha! "Uh no, I lack the mindset and intelligence to appropriately trick a person and get away with it." I responded, adding, "Also, duck."

She blinked, as did the other two. "Duck?"

"Duck." I nodded before chucking something heavy at them, the mare ducked down quickly as what I threw impacted the first Caribou. He stumbled back before falling from the rooftop with a yell, lucky rock is lucky! "Now for Plan C!" I yelled as I grabbed the mare's hand and bolted towards the edge of the rooftop and jumped off, I let go of her hand and saw her spread a pair of big golden wings before gliding down.

I landed on the ground... like, flat, on my chest smacking into the sand.

"Nailed it!" I spit out the sand before getting up and sprinting away, heart pounding in my chest.

As I heard the Caribou behind us on the rooftop give a mighty roar, the mare yelled, "What the heck was plan A and B?!"

"Throwing shit!" I responded, running down the street as I turned my head to look behind me, where I saw some caribou rushing out of the woodwork, like... a dozen all wielding weapons. "Holy fuck!"

The two of us ran down the street with Snowdrop flying high above, the mare next to me flying the same height as I ducked into an alleyway and cut some corners to find an escape route.

I ended up getting stopped by one caribou with an axe, him bursting out of the shadows with a roar, "Hahaha! Got you!" He made to swing the axe.

I quickly ducked down and slid between his legs with the grace of a slip n' slide champion. And as an added measure of any gentleman, I sucker punched him right in the scrotum, "Hahaha! Dick punch!" I mocked as he gave a roar, falling down over my head.

I quickly recovered and got back on my feet, rolling up and sprinting down the alley. I found the exit blocked by some more caribou and quickly made a retreat, where I turned and ran towards one of the walls for my immediate back up route. I jumped off of a trash can before propelling myself up onto the slanted rooftop and running across it to the other side.

Moving quickly I jumped down onto a stall filled with produce, crashing through it and onto the ground with a loud-"Ow fuck!"- and getting back up. I continued running down the sandy road of Bronze Hoof. I spotted the mare from before next to Snowdrop on a rooftop, roundhouse kicking a poor fool in the face and sending him flying off with a loud scream. Damn she's got some power to those kicks. I noted as I kept running, hearing a couple of them following me from behind. "You might have hooves but I got the stamina!"

"You will never outrun us!" They taunted.

I cackled loudly and fearfully at that. "You underestimate how fast a terrified brony can run! Seeya bitch!" I yelled back before sprinting away, channeling my fear into my legs and lungs. And by that, I mean running like a scared little bitch.

"You scared little coward!" They yelled at me again as I yanked out a cart into their path and running away. Luckily they plowed right on into it., and one of them yelped in pain!

"Damn straight son!" I agreed, I never claimed to be otherwise.

Turning down another alleyway and running down it, I looked up and saw the mare again. She was leaping over the roof above me to the next, being followed by six others who were furiously keeping pace. Damn, she pissed these fuckers off... well. she did probably steal their magic demon testicle so... I'm not too surprised.

I could hear the sounds of fighting above, including the huffs and puff of the assholes behind me who I've yet to outrun. I could only wonder what they were planning on doing once they caught me, were they gonna kill me? Or perhaps, turn me into one of them? Or worse, were they gonna do like in some of those stories I read and turn me into some chick to be raped on a near constant basis?

I was not looking forward to such a fate... for me or the mare who I was helping.

I wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even my worst enemy.

But I didn't have one so... eh.

Shit shit shit shit, where do I go!? I looked around for any kind of exit, I couldn't keep this chase up for long. One of the roads leading towards what looked like some mountains nearby came into view. I took that route as it seemed to be my best bet so far, and it seems my new mystery mare friend was taking it as well along with Snowdrop who was actually dive bombing the caribou and clawing at their faces.

The road leading out towards the mountains led to a rather large looking split in the ground with only a rope bridge leading across it. The only way to get around was to walk in either direction and hopefully find a way across, but mostly my main problem was the fact I had to cross a rope bridg-

Nope never mind, it fell apart.

Fuck.

I saw a pony nearby with a knife, a stallion who looked rather menacing towards us.

I just mentally panicked, like any good hero.

Shit shit shit shitty shit! Now, how was I gonna get across!

Snowdrop was on the other side and the mare had flown down above me, dodging spears and even grabbing some mid-air and tossing them right back with a mighty throw. I nearly got hit by some arrows trying to ignore the taunts and declarations of surprise buttsex against both me and the mare.

We just ran as fast as we could.

Once I started speeding up towards the gap in the ground, I heard her yell, "You're not gonna make that jump!" When I looked back at her I saw her get nailed by something and fell forward into a roll. She recovered quick, only to get into a close fist fight with the other pony.

I just mentally screamed in my head, urging my legs to go faster. "Fuck it!" I yelled back.

Oh yeah... remember earlier? When I mentioned that whole fuck it moment thing?

Yeah... yeah that was this point in time.

I sprinted faster and faster as arrows nipped at my heels. Once I reached the edge, I knew there was no going back, so I kicked off of it with everything I had, leaping across the chasm with a yell.

In those few moments... I was, surprised with myself. I had jumped pretty high, a lot higher than I've ever jumped before and farther.

And uh...

Well, the mare was right...

I didn't make the jump.

I collided with the wall hard, barely managing to grab onto some rocks jutting out to keep myself from falling to my death. But then my hand slipped free of the rock, and I was falling.

I saw my life flash before my eyes...

And god, it was really depressing.

Before I could fall to my untimely demise, however, someone grabbed my hand and yanked me back up.

When I looked up I saw it was the mare, and the button holding her cloak together had been ripped clean off by something. A gust a wind rushed by suddenly and it flew off, billowing into the wind somewhere as I caught sight of a mare I knew all too well, someone that I... honestly should have guess it was from the beginning.

"Daring Do," I muttered as she yanked me up onto level ground.

"Come on kid, let's run!" She told me, helping me to my feet and pushing me forward.

I panted as I jogged ahead, the caribou behind us roaring in anger as we vanished down the road towards the mountains.

Fuckin' hell...

What a start to this story of mine... eh?