Trixie flares at you from across the stage. "Feeling a bit of fear, Anonymous?"
"Not at all Trixie!"
She chuckles lightly.
"I can see it in your eyes. The great and powerful Trixie has you shivering in your boots."
"Why would I be afraid of a candy bar?" you ask, savoring memories consisting of biscuit applied with other confectionery toppings and coatings, including but not limited to: milk chocolate and caramel.
"HE INSULTED TRIXIE!" someone yells from the stands. Sounds oddly familiar. Probably those two dorks...
You adopted your fighting stance. Trixie growls and leaps forward, horn glowing. You charge forward, thinking you could take on the attacks as they come, roll with the punches! Trixie releases a shower of sparkling rain, you evade it, but a bit catches your shoulder.
The magic sparkle singes you, sending you a bit off balance.
"What the hell was that?" you question, circling around Trixie, eyeing her down.
"The opening sparklers for my magic show!"
"Sparklers?"
She cackles and then disappears... Disappeared? SHIT. You search around the arena. Where could—
"Good night," you hear Trixie whisper from somewhere.
From behind you're struck harshly. You're knocked forward by the force, only aware of the pain in your back. Rolling around leaves you in agony, but you catch a glimpse of Trixie's glowing horn as she prances away.
"OOOOHHHH," the crowd roars.
You get up on your feet as quick as possible, one hand nursing your back. She should be around somewhere, ready to make another attack.
"Feeling a bit scared?" She asks softly.
"No, you?"
"Trixie does not feel fear."
"Not even during spooky rainstorms?" you reply, trying to keep her talking.
"Not even during thunderstorms," she growls lowly. She's close.
You spin around, and she grunts, and you hear the clopping of hooves on metal.
"Coward!"
"MAGIC BLASTED," someone in the crowd shouts.
"Trixie is no coward!" she yells, revealing herself right in front of you, "That was simply the next part of my magic show!"
You swipe for her, hardly booping her nose. Trixie laughs and dances away. Fucking unicorns.
"NOW FOR THE NEXT PART! The torrent!"
Trixie; grinning, cape flowing and hat waggling, bounds toward you with her horn glowing. You brace for impact and get ready to swing. You're going to try to catch her off guard and knock her down before she can execute an attack. Trixie's horn sizzles and smokes; she's just a few feet from you now! You hop to the side while she's only a few inches from you. In the spot you were just standing a mighty blazing pillar of blue magic burns.
"OOOOOOO, AAAAAHHHH," the crowd says dazzled. You must admit, that's pretty nice.
Trixie has her back turned to you, IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT, grand-standing. She's no fighter! She's a performer! You leap for her, wrestling her to the ground, meaning to pin her.
"UNHAND THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE, NOW!"
"Never!"
"P-ponies are watching!"
"Don't care," you say comfortingly.
Her horn begins to glow, her teeth gritting and eyes blazing with fury. Before she can turn your face to a charred mush you remove your left hand from around her foreleg and flick her right on the horn.
"Gah!"
Goddamn it worked! Spell's broken. She kicks out, hitting you in the torso. You roll to the side, unable to stop. That fucking stings. Huffing and puffing she crawls away, adjusts her hat and poses.
"WOOOOH!" a few yell.
Fucking waifufags.
"For my next trick, I will need a volunteer!" Trixie says, trotting away from you and toward the crowds.
"PICK ME! PICK ME TRIXIE!" Some lonely pony calls.
You rise to your feet, brushing off. A dark blue pony with a sea-foam mane trots up. A stallion with a obsessive, grinning face.
"And what's your name?" she asks sweetly.
"Gizmo," he says gleefully.
"And what do you Gizmo?"
"I'm a mechanic!"
"HOW UNCOUTH!" a student yells.
Let's see how this plays out, you cross your arms and lean back. Trixie magics up a long, thin box. Almost looks like a coffin. It's split up into three parts, with hinges and flaps on every part. This stallion is getting cut in three huh? Hmm.
"Come inside, please," she says, far too gracefully for her own good.
The hype little horse climbs in without question.
"What ne—"
Trixie slams the long blue box shut and spins it around thrice.
"NOW I WILL SPLIT APART THIS STALLION WITH MY MAGIC!"
Might be cool. She spins around, the box following in front of her, suspended by her magic. The thing breaks into three, stallion screaming. And then all three pieces get tossed straight at you. You run at them, rolling to dodge as they come. The boxes break to pieces as it hits the ground. Trixie grunts in rage.
"Should have brought that necklace," she says, chastising herself.
The crowd gets wild, questioning where the stallion went. You see Trixie roll her eyes and force a grin, using her magic to summon the stallion from mallet space. Using this time you charge and clothesline her, feeling rather annoyed. With a quick, hefty punch you knock her face into the ground. The crowd gets amped, but you don't think they're on your side.
"L-lyra," she calls harshly, rubbing her face with one hoof.
"You tapping out or something?"
Wasn't she suppose to be a challenge? This is kinda bullshit. Guess it doesn't matter, as long as you get to Sunset. You're about to go for the pin when the crowd explodes. Seriously. A heap of students goes flying, screaming bodies landing here and there. Trixie's giant wagon come barreling through, rolling onto the stage.
Before you can hop on her she blasts you away with a charge of magic. Tumbling back, you land on your stomach, just in time to see what's backing up all of Trixie's boasting. She pounces on the wagon's driver's seat, and messes about with some pulley's and levers. With a sparkle of magic the wagon rears up.
The sides split apart, forming two bulky. . .arms? The driver's seat is transformed into a cabin, the roof splitting into two, one side coming down over Trixie's head. From the wheels two thick, wooden legs are born. Are those claws? The sound of crunching and slamming wood overpowers the crowd's amazement.
Clinking and the grinding of gears rises up with the creaking wood in a terrible symphony. That wagon just turned into a giant wooden bear
"BEHOLD!" Trixie shouts, her cockpit sliding open. "THE URSA MAJOR!"
[Theme of the Ursa Mech]:
Cradle - GoldenEye 007 OST
Well. You search the audience for Twilight, surely she'll be able to offer some help. Where is she?
"Do you feel the FEAR now, Anonymous?" she calls, taking a step forward.
The ground shakes under you. Your eyes flick up to the beast. T-time to get sweaty.
"Of course not! Let me just get my match book."
"ANONYMOUS! TRIXIE!" Sunset Shimmer calls.
Trixie's beast turns to her.
"Getting forced out of the ring will result in a loss."
She looks right into you, sun reflecting off her shit-eating grin. The beast turns back to you, an awful grinding sound coming from it. How do you even. . .
Before you can even THINK about what you're going to do it comes stomping toward you. Such speed from such a huge thing? It rears back a paw, flinging the heavy wooden claws right at you. Rolling, you narrowly get under the it, finding yourself between its legs. It brings up its left foot faster than you can react, slamming it into the ground and throwing you to the ground.
You're vulnerable. Should your press the 'A' button to recover? The bear grabs for you, but you scrabble away by the skin of your teeth. Colgate would like that one. It's assuming a stance like a Sumo!
"Anon! Anon!" Twilight calls from somewhere.
You try to search the ground while keeping Trixie in your sights.
"Anon, if you can hear me, spit!"
"Spit?" you respond, still trying to pinpoint her.
Trixie stomps forward.
"Make this easy for Trixie and yourself! Give up!"
She swings for you, rolling left you damn near go over the edge of the platform. The crowd cheers. Rife with nervousness you back off the edge. How are you even going to possibly...
"Anon! Get some saliva on your suit!"
"But that's gross," you reply, finding Twilight finally, her purple head poking up behind a triplet of burly stallions.
"Just do it," she growls before being swallowed up into the crowd.
She's so helpful. But how are you gonna—
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH," Trixie cries out madly, like a cat in heat.
The Ursa Major grabs you tightly, raises you up and tosses you right back into the floor. Trixie cackles.
"You know what? Don't give up, this is far too much fun. Let Trixie smash you to bits over and over."
She shoots her giant wooden paw at you again. Rising to your knees you spit on your sleeve. T-that's kinda gross... Your clothes are getting tight; you feel that familiar feeling of a surge of energy. It's gonna be all right! There is a flash of light, yes, yes!
Trixie, despite likely seeing you transform before, pauses a moment to observe. You stand, confident and feeling all better. You can hardly feel the pain in your arm and stomach. Looking down you see, what is this, a poncho? And, you're wearing a cowboy hat?
"Heya partner," you hear.
"Apple—Applejack?"
"Eeyup."
Trixie growls, her beast getting on all fours.
It charges at you, head; Trixie inside, coming straight at you.
"Use yer gun Anon!" your suit-pal says.
W-what? Quickly you fumble to check your hip. A pistol? Just like your favorite gunslinger from "For a hooful of bits" you quickdraw the bulky, wood and metal weapon, firing off a few shots. Apple cores! The "bullets" hit Trixie right in the face. Bullseye!
She rears up, the paws smacking against the cockpit.
"GAH! YOU INSOLENT LITTLE APE."
"Nice shooting Tex," Applejack comments as you blow away the smoke coming from the barrel.
This gives you a chance to better assess your new clothing. Classic old Mexican poncho, simple cowboy hat, well-worn jeans and a hip holster for your apple-gun. Not something you'd wear on the weekend but you're feeling pretty good in it. This fight just got a whole lot more interesting. Trixie gets back on two legs, wasting no time in throwing a punch for you. She throws low, and with your perfect evasion her paw goes crashing into the ground.
Bits of stone and wood go flying!
"ARGGG!"
She's stuck! Thinking fast you attempt to run up her arm. If you pull her out of the mech it will surely collapse. It's likely this thing is powered by her magic...if you can just- WHAP. Like a train ramming a wall Trixie punches you off her, sending you flying. Your poncho flutters as you make like a bird. The landing is killer on your back, but AJ seems to absorb most of the blow for you.
Your nerves are on high alert as you slowly see if you're still in the ring. You feel around, smooth stone! You're save. Nice.
"You alright there Anon?" background pony asks with her thick accent.
"Golden."
"Then get back in there!"
Alright, let's do this thing! You draw your gun, cocking back the hammer. Trixie's in your sights! She comes at you like an angry bear would, roaring. POW POW POW! Three more applecores crash against the planks of her wooden chests. She laughs it off, ramming her head right into your chest.
You're tossed into the sky again, dangerously close to the edge. Is this...the end?
"PONCHO POWA!" AJ yells.
Your red and white striped poncho flutters gracefully, gliding you back to the arena. THE CROWD IS ASTONISHED. And based on Trixie's expression, so is she. But goddamn did that hit cause you some pain.
"Anon, ya have to joj!" Twilight screams before being drown out in the roar of the ground. What was she trying to say?
"W-what?
"Ya heard the lil missy, you have to joj." AJ repeats.
"JOJ!"
You revolve your pistol around one finger, dodging and ducking every one of Trixie's futile attacks. She roars a bear's roar and swipes for you. Agility you jump up on her fist, grabbing onto a chipped plate on her paw. She grunts a throws her arm upward, nearly shaking you off. You're practically doing a handstand when she tosses you up.
"Hold on for dear life!"
"Jump!" AJ says.
You're in no position to think about the suggestion and you let go, landing on the cockpit's plank.
"Get off Trixie's cockpit you fool," the angry blue mare yells.
You poke your head in and reach in there. If you flick her horn maybe— She shoots out a few orbs of magic, the little blue things go flying out, exploding in the distance. You lower yourself over the opening, keeping one hand on the hatch-thing.
"Surrender!" you yell, point your gun at her.
Out of the corner of your eye you spot her arm coming for you. Her horn is twinkling, her eye is twitching. You take aim and pop a cap in her horn.
"AGAGAGAGAH"
Just like before she thrashes back and her magic falters. The wood mech stops in its tracks, the claws just about to dig into your back. Trixie's eyes roll in her head and she's dazed. Time to finish her off. You holster your weapon and grab hold of her, dragging her to the top of the head.
"WHAT'S HE DOING?" someone shouts.
You heft her up, half of her body lazily laying on the plank, and taking a look at the floor below. Damn, she's pretty drained. Manning that mech-thing really work her out.
"IS HE? OH YES, HE IS, HE'S DOING IT," someone else finishes.
You bend over backwards, tactically falling off the beast, Trixie's head aimed right at the floor.
CRACK. Flying Suplex = Landed.
"Agh," Trixie grunts, finally giving up.
You go for the pin, and the announcer counts to three...
Rising to your knees you feel a surge of hype. Four down. FOUR DOWN. Let that one sink in pal.
"So Sunset," you call over the roar of the crowd.
She claps her hooves together. Disturbingly unnatural display that you refuse to look at for too long.
"Very good, very good! I'm impressed," Sunset grins.
You'd draw your gun but you're already shifting back. Funny how that works. She stalks down from her pedestal, smiling all the while. The student body spreads like a mare in heat, letting their "queen" through. Beat her, beat her and it's over.
"I will face you Anonymous," she says coolly, taking a glance at the audience, "without using any magic."
You take a step back in shock. Could she be serious? H-how powerful is she that she'd say such a thing?
"BUT! We will have our fight on the eve of the Lunar celebration, at sunset!"
You bawl your fists.
"We'll fight now, and you will be losing to me."
She laughs maniacally.
"We will be fighting when I say..."
Fuck that shit.
She turns to address the crowd and you reel back your fist. Time to show this hoe the what for— Instead of delicate flesh you hit some sort of magic barrier. And then you proceed to go flying across the courtyard.
Huh... This is kinda nice. Breeze rippling your clothes.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."
CRASH.
There is an explosion as you slam against the school's wall. Fuck. It all comes tumbling down as you flutter to the ground like a feather who's been ignoring their diet. And then it fades to black.
IN THE NEXT EPISODE:
Will Anonymous wake from his cliche?
Will Twilight ever be good at anything?
Will Sunset really live up to her hype?
FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON HORSE THE HORSE!