//------------------------------//
// 8 – Memories 
// Story: Looking Glass 
// by Krickis 
//------------------------------//


Chapter Eight
Memories

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It was getting harder to remember; things Sunset told herself she’d never forget were hazy. She could remember the vague outline of her life before New Horizons, but only a few details. She could remember conversations, but not the words. Ponies she saw every day, but not their names.

And if there were things she was having difficulty remembering, there were dozens more that she had forgotten. There had to be. She wanted to believe that nothing she forgot was important, but that was hard. Not because she felt like the memories were important, but because it made her wonder if any of it was important.

But even worse than the memories, there were things that Sunset told herself she would never doubt that she was no longer sure of.

And still, she held on. She held on to her history with all she was. It was the only thing in the world that she still cared about. Some days it felt like Equestria was just something her mind had created. A silly five-year-old’s pretend land, something to fill in the gaps left by her amnesia. Those days were hard. She was a magical unicorn from another world. She was wealthy, her parents’ money paying for everything she wanted. She was the personal student of a princess who moved the sun and moon. She herself was exceptionally powerful, second only to her beloved teacher. It was ridiculous. The exact story a little girl with no family or money would make up to feel better about herself. It was easier to believe it came from her head because there was no way that could be real.

But on other days she could remember. She could close her eyes and it felt like she was still there. Princess Celestia telling her that she deserved the chance to sleep in today, despite their usual early mornings. The feeling of the sun against her fur as she took an uncharacteristic stroll through the garden, allowing the laziness only because of the day. Cadance running into Sunset’s room, convinced that they could bond if only because of what day it was. Days when she could barely hold onto Equestria were hard, but there were also days that the memories wouldn’t stop pouring in. Those days were far worse.

Then there was the tradition. Every year, without fail. It was something just for the two of them, something so special that even Cadance knew not to try and intrude. Sunset would join her mentor late in the afternoon, and they would climb to the highest point in Celestia’s tower. They would stand together on her balcony, and Celestia would lower the sun. The sky would catch fire, burning from red to yellow and every color in between. They wouldn’t speak, just sit together watching the sun set.

It was an experience Sunset always hoped to hold on to, a formative part of her past that she couldn’t imagine living without. It was also the most painful memory she had, and it was all she could think about.

Sunset had lived at New Horizons for almost a year. She had good days and bad days, but she had managed to make life bearable. Other kids her age learned to leave her alone, while older kids had a soft spot for her and would look out for her if need be. Caretakers usually saw a polite angel of a girl who had difficulty relating to kids her age. Her new psychologist saw a patient that showed marked improvement as time went on, and sessions were dropped from weekly to monthly, and might stop completely within a few more months. Nobody ever talked about Equestria, or brought up her past at all for that matter. Life could be much worse.

And yet, she found herself staring at a sunset that was no different than the sunset from the evening before, and would be no different than the sunset from the evening to come. It was, like everything, all wrong. She wouldn’t have cared at any other time, but for one day she needed this to be special. She needed something to be the way it was supposed to be.

“You’ve been out here for a long time,” Rose Petal said as she walked onto the gazebo with Sunset.

Sunset didn’t turn to look at her. She didn’t answer at all, actually. Rose Petal wasn’t supposed to be with her to see this. No one was. No one but her and Princess Celestia. It was a tradition.

But Princess Celestia wasn’t coming, and there was nothing special about this sunset anyway. Rose Petal took a seat beside her, and Sunset couldn’t find enough resentment to do anything about it.

“In fact, I don’t think I remember you saying a word all day,” Rose said. “Not that you’re usually very talkative, but today’s different. I can tell.”

Sunset looked at her for a minute. Normally, she could form a reply in an instant. It was a talent of hers, figuring out the exact right thing to say in any circumstance. But she couldn’t think straight. She didn’t know what outcome she wanted from the conversation so she couldn’t figure out how to get there. “Yeah,” she said after a while. “It is.”

“If I had to guess, I don’t think it’s something that happened. It’s the day itself, isn’t it?”

Sunset could only nod. She turned back to look at the sunset. Its poor display was almost at an end, then she could go bury herself under her blankets and not come out until morning.

“Well, let’s see. It hasn’t been a year since you came here, so it can’t be anything to do with that, and obviously it isn’t because of anything else that happened while you were here.” Rose chuckled. “You know, I don’t think you even know what’s so special about today, do you?”

Sunset winced. She couldn’t forget it if she wanted to. “It’s… today’s my birthday.”

Rose smiled widely. “You don’t say. I was planning on celebrating in a couple of months on the anniversary of you coming to live here, but if today’s the day then I guess that’s all there is to it. Happy birthday, Sunset.”

Sunset stared at her in confusion. “You’re not going to ask how I know that?”

Rose just laughed. “Oh, I’m sure you just know. There are some things a person just remembers. Like your name, or how to ride a bicycle.”

“I don’t know how to ride a bicycle.”

“That’s a problem for another time, dearie. For now, you just wait right here. You’ll have to give me until tomorrow to get you a cake since you didn’t see fit to let an old lady know how important the day was, but I do have something to give to you.”

Perplexed, Sunset just watched her leave. What could she possibly have planned? There really wasn’t much reason to give it too much thought, though. She’d find out soon enough, and it wouldn’t be anything too huge. New Horizons had sufficient funding to keep the children well cared for and building in good repair, but they did not have the money to buy expensive presents for almost thirty kids every year. It was probably a book, considering how fast Sunset read through them.

She watched the rest of her lackluster sunset, and wondered how long she would be waiting for. She could be miserable from the comfort of her bed, not sitting outside swatting away mosquitoes.

But unfortunately, Rose Petal was old. She had long since stopped getting around the large building quickly, so even if she knew exactly where the thing she went to get was, she would still take her time getting back.

And take her time she did. Sunset was tempted to just go to her room and get it in the morning. It’s not like she was in the mood to read anyway. But for whatever reason, Sunset waited patiently for Rose to return. When she did, she was carrying a small pile of things.

“What is all that?” Sunset asked as Rose approached.

“Don’t you know half the fun of a present if figuring out what’s inside? Here, open this one first.”

Rose handed her something that was very clearly book-shaped, and Sunset was not at all surprised to find out it was, in fact, a book. She thanked Rose all the same, since surprise or not it was a book she’d been interested in reading. Besides, not too many adults actually accepted that she read books that they would struggle with.

Rose grinned. “Had to at least give you one real present, although I think you’ll like the rest better anyway.”

Of the remaining things, there were three more obvious books and something round and soft looking. Sunset opted for that one next, since it was the only one she was genuinely curious about. Lifting it, she found it was oddly heavy. It became apparent that it was some sort of bag filled with something very solid. She guessed a rock collection or something. Adults always thought kids loved rocks.

She tore away the paper and immediately knew there was something much better than rocks in it. The bag was a rich gold color, with a red drawstring. Not only had Sunset seen it before, she understood what Rose had meant about it not being a real gift. It was already hers. She tore off the packaging and let it fall to the ground as she gaped at the bag. Coin purse, actually. She pulled the drawstring open and found it was full of bits.

“I… but this is… how…”

“There are still three more, dearie.” Rose Petal’s smile was as bright as Sunset had ever seen it. She handed over one of the books, which Sunset took reverently. She set the purse down gently, as if she was likely to hurt the expertly-crafted bag or the copper coins held within.

Tearing away the paper revealed what Sunset had expected. It was a book, but not a human one. The fairly plain front cover didn’t give any indication that it was about ponies, but the title ‘Wuthering Hooves’ certainly did.

“These are mine,” Sunset finally managed.

“They are, and you’ve still got two more.”

The third package contained another book, but this one was undeniably equine at a glance. It was a graphic novel, with pictures of ponies on every page. “How the heck did they not get the whole pony obsession?” Sunset said as she flipped through the book.

“Oh, I’m sure that Crystal Clear knew. He was the one who had all these, you know.”

Sunset set aside the book and turned to Rose Petal. “What?”

“Oh, yes. I think he was hoping you could remember on your own, but planned on showing you the books if that didn’t work out.”

Sunset shook her head. “But why did he have them in the first place? And why do you have them now? And why am I just now getting them?”

Rose smiled at the questions, even the vaguely accusatory one. “The police turned them over to him in the hopes that it would help his work with you. I got them once you stopped seeing him, but it was with the instruction that you weren’t meant to have them just yet. They said it might prove a hindrance to your well-being, but never bothered to tell me why. Well, to hell with it. No one probably even remembers the darn things, so I figured they’re yours, aren’t they? Might as well give them back to you.”

She had barely been thinking when she haphazardly threw a few possessions into her saddle bag on the way to the mirror. She had long since forgotten what they were, and had given up all hope of seeing them again.

“I can’t believe he had them that whole time,” Sunset commented, more to herself than to Rose Petal.

“You have Violet Dusk to thank for getting them back, by the way.” Rose Petal tapped on her chin. “Not that you should actually thank her, considering you probably aren’t supposed to have them. So how about this one is our little secret?”

Sunset nodded. For once, this was a secret she had no intention of ever exploiting. “Okay, sure. But what does Violet have to do with anything?”

“Well when she learned what Crystal Clear was planning, Violet wasn’t too happy. She fought tooth and nail to keep you from going back with him, even though the state didn’t want to transfer you out of his care. Then these books and things were just going to be passed on to another doctor, but she fought them on that, too.”

Violet had never mentioned any of that. As far as Sunset had been aware, Violet’s job with Crystal Clear had been fairly straightforward. Sunset shook her head. She couldn’t start to feel gratitude now, she’d worked so hard to detach herself from everyone. “What was Crystal Clear planning? And why did the state want me to keep seeing him?”

“Oh dear, I’ve said too much again,” Rose said, although she scarcely seemed to be concerned. “Well, Crystal Clear took your case for free. Now the state’s paying for your monthly sessions, but Crystal was just too happy to make time for you. Said it was for a tax write off, somehow he’d save money in the long run for doing the work as a charity case. But Violet found out the real reason. See, he wanted to write about you. He planned on sticking with your case for years, then publishing the whole thing.”

That was the sort of thing that probably should have made her angry. Instead, Sunset just smirked. She always knew he had his own motivations in mind. In a sense, she barely even recognized it as a betrayal. It was, of course. But to the old Sunset, the weak Sunset who thought she could care about others. This was just a reminder of why she was better off now.

“What a bastard,” Sunset said.

Rose Petal frowned. “Language, Sunset.”

“Sorry,” Sunset said even though she wasn’t.

It seemed to be enough for Rose Petal. “Now then, enough of that nonsense. You still have one more present.”

Sunset picked up the last book and smiled as she tried to guess which one it was. It was a thick hardcover, probably a textbook. It would be thrilling to read about magical theory again, or Equestrian history. Anything, so long as it was unique to Equestria.

She peeled off the paper and found it wasn’t a textbook. It was a brown journal with a yellow and red sun on the cover. She stared in awe at it for a moment, wondering how she could ever have forgotten that book. Once she remembered herself, she opened to a random page.

It was covered in notes. They alternated between neat little writing that made the cursive a bit hard to read, and her own barely passable writing. They didn’t say anything of great importance.

Sunset, my schedule’s opened up for half an hour at three today. Would you care to join me for tea?

I’m just finishing up this essay, should be done by then. I’ll meet you in your solar.

Sunset traced her fingers across the words, as if touching them would bring her back to that day.

“Sunset?” Rose’s voice barely registered to Sunset, but it was enough to remind her that she wasn’t alone. She would have to get to her room before she began crying.

“I… I feel like I remember this,” Sunset said as a way of explaining her distance. “Like it’s right there, but I just can’t… can’t quite remember.”

Rose placed a hand on Sunset’s shoulder. “It’ll come back to you in time, child. Who knows? Maybe reading these books will help you remember.”

Sunset nodded. She had no doubt she was going to be remembering quite a bit as soon as she got the chance to start reading.

Rose stood up. “Now then, no sense trying to hide it. I know you well enough to know that the only reason you’re still here is because you don’t want to be rude. Run along to your room, dearie, and enjoy your books. I’ll come by with a bowl of ice cream in a bit and maybe you can tell me about them if you’re not too busy.”

Sunset piled the books on top of each other, with the coin purse on top of that. She picked them up to leave, then set them down again. Instead, she turned to Rose Petal. Sunset would have been a bit embarrassed to admit she had no idea what she was doing, if she wasn’t too busy being embarrassed by doing it anyway. She found herself awkwardly throwing her arms around Rose Petal, who didn’t quite seem to know what to do herself for a moment.

“Thank you.”

“You’re quite welcome,” Rose said as she hugged Sunset back.

Sunset felt even more awkward as she pulled away, since she had no idea how long hugs were even supposed to last. Rose Petal didn’t seem worried though, so Sunset just collected her things and ran off to her room.

The purse and other books were quickly deposited on the bedside table as Sunset sat down with the journal. She opened it to the first page, determined to read every single menial note it had within it. That is, if she could manage to start reading despite her tears.

She remembered the day Princess Celestia had given her the book. Before Sunset had ever been able to lay a hoof on her own copy, she had seen Celestia’s. She was with the princess when she wrote the first note, although she hadn’t been allowed to see it. She had protested, ‘What’s the point of instantly sending me a message that I won’t see for hours?’ Celestia had simply told her to be patient.

It took Sunset a while for her eyes to dry enough to read the note at all, and when she did it was through tears the whole way.

‘Dearest Sunset Shimmer, my gifted student. I’m sure you’ve been wondering all day what this message would be. I’m sorry for the roundabout way of delivering this message, especially one that contains nothing I haven’t told you before. Still, I thought for a long time about how to best start this journal, and this is what I’ve decided.

Above all, I would simply like to take the time to remind you how happy I am to have you as my student. You know very well that there isn’t another unicorn your age with talents like yours, but it is much more than that. I can scarcely recall a student so dedicated to learning as you are. You have a passion that every teacher dreams to find in a pupil, and yet nopony could ever give. Even if you did not have the natural talents you do, I would be honored to be your teacher.

I don’t mind saying I expect great things from you. It is a lot to put on a student, and many can’t handle the pressure of expectations. But I know you, I know that you will never cease to amaze me. You could have the world placed upon your shoulders, and you would excel all the same. I do not know what your future will hold, only that it will be a bright one.

I can already imagine you rolling your eyes while you read this. But you are young with many years ahead of you. One day I hope you’ll look back on this message and appreciate the sentimentality of an old mare. But for now, you are young, and I fear I’ve made you wait long enough while I write this message. So I will leave it short, for after all, it is only the first of many.

Never lose your fire, my gifted student.

Sunset tried to remember what she had thought when she first read that message. Did she roll her eyes, as Celestia had predicted? Did she appreciate it half as much back then as she did now? She wouldn’t have cried, and certainly not so much as she was doing reading over the words years later from a world away.

A thought came to her. It was inevitable, though it scared her. The journal still had its partner. A world away, but still it was only half of a pair. Without ever deciding to, Sunset flipped to the bookmarked page.

Blank pages were laid out before her, waiting for her to write. Would the magic still work, separated as the books were? There was only one way to find out. She opened her bedside table drawer and pulled out a pen. She returned to the book, but when she attempted to begin writing, she instead found herself frozen in place with her hand hovering over it. All she would need to do was write a few words. Even just a line, really. It would appear in its partnered book, and Princess Celestia would see it. She would know Sunset was reaching out for her.

And… then what? What would Celestia do once she got Sunset’s message? Would she eagerly reply? Would she ignore it? Would she even see it? Maybe she’d gotten rid of the book by now. She had let go of Sunset as a student, after all. They really had no reason to communicate anymore. And if Celestia had wanted to reach her? Well, there certainly weren’t any new messages in the book.

Somewhere, in another world, there was a mirrored copy of the book she held in her hands. It had a different sun on its cover, but was otherwise identical in every way, with every letter of every message duplicated flawlessly. Sunset could imagine it was also sitting open, lying on someone else’s bed as the owner of that book also reminisced over the past on a special day.

Sunset put the pen away. It was a nice thought, and Sunset didn’t want to do anything to ruin it.


~ End Act I ~