//------------------------------// // Chapter 6 The Spice of Life // Story: At War with the Army // by Clear_Skies //------------------------------// Lazy Company File - #029 The morning of our second day here at the Plaza, proved to be rife with the scent of blood in the air. That is to say, if blood were coffee, and the java beans themselves a great beast with a need to be slain in order to fill our gullets. To put it simply, the company is not known for being morning risers, I myself being a nocturne, am...nocturnal, thus having acclimated to the hourly changes of life years ago, I find it only fair that I ensure that the company's leader is up before every other soldier. It is a task I take to with the utmost glee. --- "Ruddy bat...can't let a CO sleep in for another five winks." Down groaned with irritation as he retraced his path through the Plaza down to its restaurant, only to find a blockade of troops, peering into the dining area with trepidation. "Hey...hey Cap!" C.G. gestured for the CO's attention. With a sad sigh, Downy made his way over to the supply sergeant, ignoring the smell of heaven wafting from out of the kitchens. He noted the uncomfortable stature of his troops, each soldier peering nervously through the entrance. Suddenly he was reminded about his recent head-butting with Small, and it was much easier to look concerned. "Trouble here C.G.? Cops?" "Nah, worse..." the sergeant declared with a shake of his head, craning his neck for a better view of the restaurant. “Got a reporter in the lobby lookin' ta get a scoop, dig?" Down Range let loose the breath he was holding as a wave of relief washed over him. He almost wanted to laugh, though genuine puzzlement quickly replaced his expression. The presence of a reporter shouldn't have any dourness added to it, as though one were marching to the gallows. "Well get the troops away from the door," he said, taking command without having made a conscious decision. "We're going to draw their attention with all of us huddled like a hoofball team." "Right, Cap!" C.G. gestured to the others. "We don't all gotta see what's goin' on...specially when nothin' is happenin'. You...and you! Stay and keep them eyes peeled. Rest of ya, grab your food then skedaddle." The sergeant paused for a moment to be sure the troops were following his instructions before turning to Down Range. "Sorry 'bout that, but we're all a bit rattled. Having a tabloid or paper printing our faces would make some of our reasons for hiding in the service...well...you know." "Ahh." Down replied with the sudden realization. "Well then, share this with the others. They'd better get used to reporters. They're going to be around because a lot of what we're going to do will be news. No reason to hide, when it only holds off the inevitable. If anyone is nervous about being interviewed, have 'em speak with Lieutenant Lotus, she's got experience with directing the media where you want them to go in a conversation. We're a company of brothers and sisters here, and no matter what may come, we will support each other as a unit. Clear?" "Yes, sir!" "Good, now let me handle the reporter, the last thing I need is for them to get any wrong ideas about the troops, seeing how I've had the courtesy of temporarily placing you all here." "Well damn...sir...thanks, figure the guys will appreciate you having our backs and all." "I told you at the start, we're in this together, and I won't let the troops down." Downy waved his hoof about. "Now get, I'm going to enjoy my coffee before the madness begins." C.G. gave Down a quick pat on the shoulder before rushing off to inform the troops. The kelpie himself, prepared himself as he collected a cup of coffee. The shine of his brass catching the eyes of said reporter. The day had just started, and already Down Range felt like someone had spiked his coffee with decaff. --- Lazy Company File - #029 As my dear CO found himself assaulting the shores of Paparazzi, I myself was keeping an observant eye upon our cook. Tandoori, unlike most zebras, was not known for always shaving a rhyming scheme, but rather, he was considered quite the mixologist when it came to applying his custom alchemical spices to anything he cooks. Many of the soldiers hold him in high regards with his ability to make the standard military fair taste less like cardboard and more like the food they are supposed to be. It was the Captains insistence then, that Sergeant Tandoori would be given the ingredients necessary to truly ensure that the health of the troops was kept in check, the less the troops snuck off to the local McHarvest, the less they were stuffing their faces with unnecessary junk food. The most peculiar aspect of our dear zebrican, is his fiery attitude when he finds the troops insulting his cooking. While normally docile and polite, his attitude quickly changes when he is at the helm of his kitchen utensils, and many of the troops have noted his use of capoeira in his cooking. Did I also mention that he is also the head medic for the company? --- The kitchen counter was organized with various spices, as colorful as the Mohawk that adorned the zebrican's head. Each striped with earthly colors ranging from red, to green, to orange. Upon his flank, a set of spices gave proof of his trade in the culinary arts, which he took to with gusto. The most peculiar of all aspects was the set of wings which called to his pegasus callings. First Lieutenant Lotus observed with mild amusement, as Tandoori smoothly extended his wings out, an egg balanced upon each wing. Quick as lightning, the wings came together, a crack and toss of shells followed, only leaving their remnants behind within a mixing bowl, which he began mixing quickly. A few more eggs followed till the mixing bowl was rather full with the golden mixture. Tandoori was quite the adept at multitasking, as his forelegs were busy mixing the bowl, his wings went to work, sliding a platter of already cut ham, onions, diced green peppers, and mixed spices onto a well-oiled skillet. The room was quickly filled with the aromatic scent of the intertwining ingredients. Lotus couldn't help but swallow a bit of drool as the scent reached her nose. Taking a quick glance over at Chef Puff, she was pleased to see that he was in just as much awe as she was, taking a moment to wipe his own lips with his apron. Tandoori easily proved himself a master of the kitchen, his body the implement of his actions, ingredients his ammunition, and the final dish, a show of his dominance. With the eggs, fully beaten into submission, they were quickly executed quickly upon another skillet. Zebrican wings working quickly to waft a light wave of air under the edges, carefully elevated by the use of a spatula to evenly spread the mixture. As Lotus and Chef Puff watched, Tandoori carefully flipped the cooked eggs onto a plate, followed by the opposing skillets mixed ingredients, and with a final flap of his wings, another gentle gust of wind carried with it, a sprinkling of parsley which dusted the now closed omelet. "One sunrise omelet, eggs lightly fluffed, and a dash of mild spices to help any soldier rise with the new dawn." Tandoori sang. "You'll find my spices quite therapeutic, a medicinal balance to help with digestion, as well as providing all the necessities for beginning the day." "Incredible." Chef Puff answered. "Just incredible, I've never seen non-unicorns cook with such skill." Chef Puff gently cut into the omelet, the aromatic blast of mixed spices and fillings filled the air, a scent by itself that left the body feeling reinvigorated and alive. "Sun above," he whispered, taking a bite and freezing. Lotus had to avert her eyes from the delicious sight, but even then, it did nothing to stave off the scent. "My word, Tandoori, if that doesn't smell like heaven." she commented. "I take it, studies in alchemy have left you with quite a breath of cooking experience." "Indeed, it has left me with a range of skills to assist in the body’s natural healing." Tandoori replied, a hint of pride in his words. "As they say, variety is the spice of life, and I feel it is best to fill the bellies of my fellows with a hearty meal." "Well...if it is not too much to ask." Lotus gently gestured towards a sparklingly clean plate. --- As an additional note, the food was delicious. I am most happy with having taken the task of watching Tandoori cook. Chef Puff would probably have been more apologetic if not for having a rather stuffed face. --- After a rather eventful day of playing twenty questions (to the nth power) with the reporter, Downy found himself not only jealous of having missed out on Tandoori's cooking, but aggravated at having to now attend a meeting with the brass, cutting into what he believed to be rather precious time. Before him sat one of the company's only piece of expensive equipment, a mobile Visaudio. It was a triangular device which projected a three-dimensional image of its caller into the room using a set of light emitting crystals embedded at each of its points. Generally reserved for emergency use, when the sender wanted to be sure the recipient got the message, or wanted to interface directly with the recipient on the other end, like, say, for a reprimand or dressing-down. Consequently such calls were generally received with the same enthusiasm normally reserved for plagues or tax audits. In Down Range's case, he was to be the unfortunate recipient as before him the head of Colonel Wolfs Bane appeared glared at him. "Colonel Wolfs Bane." Downy said, offering her a salute. "What can I do for you this evening?" "Well Captain D-Range," the colonel began without greeting or preamble, "you could start by explaining to me why the Canter News Network found itself with a private expose of your having been stationed within Ponyville's Ft. Everfree." "Er...news?" Downy threw a quick glance to the room’s entrance where Lotus waited. With a gesture of her wing, she held up her tablet to show off highlights of the news in question. "Oh, you didn't know? Perhaps I should point out some of its points of interest. Specifically the same points which my commanding officer has brought to my own attention." A notepad appeared before her face within the Visaudio, her eyes dancing across its pages. "Hmm...ahh yes 'Playboy General?' and 'Range Works Heir Down Range to Lead Elite Force in Ft. Everfree.' and I can assure you the rest goes downhill from there." Off camera, Lotus rolled her eyes in exaggerated exasperation. Downy ignored her with some effort, focusing instead on the thought of holding the same reporter's throat in his hooves for such beautiful embellishments. "Ma'am, I can see where you'd be upset, but begging your pardon, I would like to assure the colonel, however, that at no time during the interview did I state or even imply that I held a rank of general. I can only figure that the reporter either misunderstood or exaggerated my rank for effect. I'll see to it that a correction is issued noting my correct rank, and if necessary, to extend an apology to officers, past, present, and future, for the error." "Oh, do not stop there, Captain. We are dying to hear your explanation for the rest of the news." "Er...the rest, ma'am?" "We wish to understand, why you issued a press release in the first place!" the notepad vanished, and the unicorn officer glared at him. "Please, do inform us!" "Oh, easily answered!" The captain smiled. "I didn't. It would seem that some pony on the hotel staff probably spread some gossip throughout town, and from there it brought a reporter or two looking to get a scoop. I don't know how much experience you have ma'am, but I found that, the moment the media smells a story, they'll come looking, and it's best to give them what they want, before they invent their own narrative. Figured I'd cut that yarn of trouble before they began getting every fact wrong, that and focusing it on myself, means it keeps them from bothering the rest of the company, and digging up things they shouldn't." "So you felt it necessary to share your name?" "She already knew it." "She?" "Yes ma'am. The reporter was a pegasus mare...rather attractive that one, but I ensured that things were kept professional." "Hmm...twould seem that that would have been the problem." "Ma'am?" "Nothing Captain, please carry on with your story. As you know, we of the upper brass are intent on finding common media patterns. So...about your name?" "Er...yes, well she was looking for me by name. This, as you know, is fairly common for me, Colonel. With the media having spotters throughout towns, especially since Ponyville holds not only the new Princess of Friendship, but her friends, the other bearers. Though the military encourages the use of aliases, especially in these cases, sadly not many of us can keep such things hidden." "Ahh, then let us take things a trot back, and have you explain the reason as to why you have relocated the entire company to a luxury hotel!" "I'm not aware of any regulation forbidding a company commander with housing his troops in a different location, especially if he absorbs the expenses personally." "We do not question your right to do so." Wolfs Bane growled. "We ask as to the reason why." "I would assume the news has shared that bit of information already. With our barracks being remodeled, it gave rise to the need of temporary housing for the company." "Ahh, so that part of the article is correct then." "It is, ma'am." "And are you aware, Captain, that we lease those barracks and the land they're on from the local developer? If so, are you aware of the permission needed from the Apple Matriarch before instituting any renovation or improvements to her property?" "I am, ma'am. The fact is, Colonel, that I shared the plans with the Matriarch, once I learned about my relocation to this position. She was more than happy to, as she said, 'Have that dern bog o'stench done over!' it seems, the construction, once completed, will help to clear out a bit of the swamp, and relocate much of its soil to the Apple Family's farm." "How decent of you," the colonel said wryly. "We shouldn't be surprised, but getting back to the article, Captain, perhaps you could also explain why the company was placed within such luxury, as well as the 'Elite' label." "The label is merely another assumption on the news's part. I simply said that I was here on 'a special assignment,' and she jumped to her own conclusions. As to the quality of our temporary housing...may I speak freely, ma'am?" "Please do. If you can clarify the situation without prolonging this already long day, it would be appreciated...though from the sounds of things, we should have merely called it a night." "The quarters, the hotel for temporary housing, and many other things that you shall no doubt hear about in the future, are all part of my plan to turn this company around. As I figure, these people have been treated like the pits. Tossed around, and ignored, so I have this idea, ma'am, that if I treat them like losers, they'll act like it. So if I treat them like winners, make'em think their winners, they'll believe it, and hopefully act like it." "You are betting a lot on this theory, that if it quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, then it must be a duck. That is an expensive bet, Captain, one that could cost you more than just your finances." "I think it's a swell risk, ma'am," Downy replied firmly. "And if it isn't... well, that's the consequence of command is it not?" "True enough." Colonel Wolfs bane pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Then let it be so, Captain. We have heard you words, and you shall have your head on this for a while. We pray to the armies benefit that it does work. If not, we're no worse off than when we started. Of course, now that your name is known, if you foul up like before, it'll be hard for you to vanish from our sight." "Er...of course, ma'am." "Captain Down Range, what we say is not meant to scare you, but to make you aware, that you sit in a rather vulnerable position." There was genuine concern in her voice, which warmed Downy to her, despite the seriousness of the conversation. "Of course, ma'am," he repeated. "Thank you, Colonel." "Very well. I shall try to cover the ruckus at this end. You focus on shaping up those troops of yours. We can see much time and concentration on your part, being applied to this. In the future, however, do give us advance warning if the media is going to pounce on something you or your crew is doing. You're not the only one who doesn't like evening, or worse, morning surprises." "Yes, ma'am. I'll try to remember that." "Oh, and Captain..." "Yes, ma'am?" "The remodeling of your barracks. How long do you think it will take?" "The estimate, based upon the forest whims, is about a month to a month and a half." "I see. It would perhaps interest you to know, Captain, that that's the estimate my sister was given when she wanted a new wing added to her home." Wolfs bane offered a triumphant smile. "Pardon?" "Good day, Captain. Wolfs bane, signing off." Downy watched with some confusion, as the image faded completely. "I must say, it seems that the Colonel favors you." Lotus chimed in. "What makes you say that?" Downy asked. "You're still standing." Lotus replied. "I also would like to note, that you neglected to tell the colonel that you nor only negotiated for the remodeling of the barracks, but that you also purchased the land, and the construction company that is in charge of the remodeling." "It uh... didn't seem like the right time to share it, somehow." The captain winked. "Besides, the Builds R Us have quite the positive track record, a little capitol to grow their name will do wonders for their image." "And the Apples, sir?" "Well, Granny Smith explained it to me rather well, that the land we are on, was something of a rainy day savings, one the family was waiting for the right buyer to purchase." "I see, I take it then, that they were rather keen on the negotiations and all?" "I don't think the rest of the apples even knew, that our Princess Celestia gave them quite a bit more ground, than is listed in the founding of Ponyville." Downy itched his nose. "Incidentally, remind me to get us a clerk or assign one of the troops as communications monitor. You shouldn't have to do that on top of the rest of your duties." "I would find that most appreciative, sir... it would certainly free up my time, not having to assist with extra clerical duties." "No thanks necessary, Lot! I just don't want to give you more ammo than necessary when it comes time for your next review before the brass!" "Oh, believe me Captain D-Range, I think there is more than enough to go around." Lotus offered him a wolfish grin. "You can only hide so much." "Well, best to get some shuteye, it’s been a bit of a day, and form what I heard, you got to enjoy the better part of it." "Tandoori is quite the superb cook, I must say, you have no fear of hearing a complaint coming from Chef Cream Puff...if anything, you might be offered requests to have Tandoori assist in the kitchens." "Noted, but we can't always shave our head surgeon working the KP, as I would like to go over the details for guard duty, especially once the construction crews arrive." Downy yawned. "Dusk have it, I'm turning in for the night now, a good night Lotus." "Good dusk to you, sir." Lotus offered him a salute."