//------------------------------// // Games are a Very Serious Business // Story: The Fugitive Draconequus // by Ironskull //------------------------------// "Gone!" cries Twilight, apparently upset. "Discord is gone! I... I should have done something, I should have stopped him, but... I don't know what I could have done! And if what you said about a unicorn helping him is true..." She didn't finish. "How ever did you figure out that the magic wasn't Discord's, if I may?" asked Rarity, still shaken. "Oh, I can see magic," I answer nonchalantly. "As I was telling Twilight here, I see magic represented by different polygons. Different magical polygons fit together in different ways to make different spells. For instance, a rhombicosidodecahedron can be used as a junction between-" "Wait, a what? cried Rarity in bewilderment. "What was that giant word that you said?" "Rhombicosidodecahedron," I repeated, watching in amusement as the white pony tried to wrap her head around the syllables. "What in Celestia's name is that?" she moaned. Twilight decided to take the opportunity to launch into lecture mode. "A rhombicosidodecahedron is a nonprismatic solid that is composed of twenty triangular faces, thirty square faces, and twelve pentagonal faces. If I am understanding all of this right, those features are beneficial because it allows for a wide variety of interfaces." "Exactly," I say. "And because of that, it makes an ideal junction for the spell carriers, the spell components, and the spell modifiers." "Stop," demanded Rarity, putting a hoof on her forehead. "Please, just stop. I just don't want to deal with these... big... words..." "Aw!" complained Twilight. "But this is interesting!" If only you knew that you're getting so interested in such an elaborate, big, fat lie. Twilight then turns to me and says, "You see? This is what I meant earlier when I said most ponies don't like to use big words. I've learned that it only leads to headaches if I talk like that around ponies who don't share my love of science and mathematics." "Indeed," Rarity agreed. "While I'm sure that whatever you were talking about is genuinely fascinating, please leave me out of it." "Oh, Rarity!" I declare in amusement. "You might think that science and math are the tools that curious ponies use to pursue the secrets of the universe, but I'm afraid that isn't quite right!" "Aren't they?" asked Twilight, confused. "Well, they are, but mostly they're just a method of baffling the uninitiated with incomprehensible jargon." Rarity had no immediate reaction to this, but Twilight did. The moment after this leaves my mouth, I hear "Pfffffff-" And then she bursts out laughing absolutely uncontrollably. She can't even stand. She has actually collapsed onto her side in the middle of the boutique and I can see her belly rise and fall in rapid succession as she fights for her breath between her enormous laughter. "Twilight, are you okay?" asks Rarity. "It wasn't that funny," I remark in genuine confusion. "You- You-" Twilight tries, but that is all she is able to get out before losing the battle to not laugh her head off like a maniac. "You're- y- y- you're- you're just awful!" she manages to squeeze out in a disturbingly happy tone between laughs. "It wasn't that funny!" I insist. Then I stop and wonder to myself why I keep saying that. "It's- it- it's way too true to not be funny!" She bursts out laughing once again in full force and neither I nor Rarity can manage to get any further words from her. I'm completely confounded by what I am witnessing right now. I have never managed to make anypony laugh this hard at anything! Ever! Well, except for a few victims of the tickle torture of doom, but that doesn't count! Even the few ponies who liked my chaos never laughed like this! And it's all so completely stupid! That dumb joke was far from my best work! In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if the purple pony is actually one-hundred percent sane. I... I have to leave before my own sanity is affected! "While you're busy laughing it up," I say out loud, "I'm just going to step outside for a bit." Twilight barely even acknowledges my words. She tries to make a gesture of some sort, but the pony has almost no control over her body and whatever message she was trying to convey doesn't get across. I surreptitiously grab my bag and begin to make my way toward the door. I stop. I turn around and look back at the collapsed mare. I wonder if I can make her laugh even harder by finding some excuse to use the word 'surreptitiously' around her. No! Quit thinking like that, you idiot! I quickly pull the door open and step outside. I know that I can't stay in one place for too long. If I do, random ponies around me might get sudden fright attacks. As funny as that would be, It would clearly be a stupid idea to draw that much attention. So, I decide to start walking. Suddenly I feel curious about whether any of the other element bearers are in the area. I reach out with my senses once more. I can feel dozens of ponies around me of all three types. Twilight and Rarity are still inside the boutique, but I can't tell what they are doing. I scan through the remaining magical signatures, looking for any that are of interest. Aha! As luck would have it, the apple farmer is standing around outside, not moving anywhere. I wonder what she is up to? I'm going to go see. ... It would appear that she is selling apple pies at a stand. How incredibly boring. Still... pies... I start to consider methods I can employ in order to steal myself a pie or two. I select one with a grin. "Applejack!" I say to her as I draw close to her stall. "Howdaya do, sir?" she answers me. "Begging your pardon, but, uh, do ah know you?" "Oh, I doubt you'll recognize me, but I know you. My name is Rhombus! But that's not important right now. You see, there's something that I thought you should be aware of." "What are you talking about?" she asks in confusion. "Well, I do believe that your friend Rarity is rather upset, and Twilight just cannot stop laughing it up!" I say, intentionally wording it in a way that will certainly cause a misunderstanding. "What?" cries Applejack in confusion. "That don't sound like her at all!" She just stands there for a few seconds, looking confused. "Where are they?" "Just inside Rarity's place," I answered. "Right. I'm goin' ta go over there and see what's goin' on here." She steps away from her stall and starts jogging down the street. I wait until she is out of eye sight, and then sneak behind her stall. The table she displays the pies on is actually more of a hollow box, and there are stacks of pies wrapped up in foil to keep them from getting on each other. I can easily snatch a couple of these without her noticing that they are gone. And I do. I try to slip them inside of my bag, but to my annoyance, all the junk from Rarity and the mushroom are getting in the way. It takes some effort, but I manage to cram the pies inside in a way that doesn't result in them getting squashed. Mission accomplished! What's next? Well, assuming Twilight manages to get ahold of herself any time soon, I'll resume my task of convincing Celestia's fun stopping squad that they need my help. Especially Twilight. As I have already remarked, she is closer to the princess than any of the rest of them, and also the leader of their little task force, and therefore the most useful to me. Even if nopony else is convinced, if I can manage to trick her, it will be enough. I get back to the boutique and, since the windows are now no longer black thanks to illusion magic, I can see that Twilight is no longer on the floor. The three ponies are standing together in a triangle and just talking. Suddenly, Rarity, the only one of the three facing me, apparently notices my presence. After a second, the other two turn around to look at me as well. And then they turn back and resume talking. I consider walking in and saying something, since I am on a rather annoying time crunch, but right before I am about to decide to do so, Twilight actually comes walking out of the boutique of her own accord. "Did you tell Applejack that I was laughing at Rarity?" she asks, upset. "No," I respond, hiding my smile, "I just informed her of the state that her two friends were in. Rarity was upset, you were laughing." "Okay then", she says unhappily. "It's not your fault, but apparently the way that you worded it made it sound like I was laughing at Rarity! You really should take care to avoid misunderstandings like this in the future." Actually, it is totally my fault. I did it on purpose. Suddenly, she starts laughing again, lightly. "Still, that joke was pretty funny. I feel terrible about it now that it occurs to me that it sort of implies that I would presume to think that I'm better than everypony else, but... I can't help it! It's still funny!" She starts laughing once more. Once she finishes, she says, "I- I can't help it! I still think it's funny anyway! Is- there something wrong with me?" "You're thinking about this way too hard!" I insist. "It was just a joke! Everyone knows that I didn't mean anything by it!" "I guess you're right." Suddenly, she groans and shakes her head. "What am I doing, wasting time on this silliness!" she cried. "I should be checking to make sure that you are alright!" "... I'm just fine and dandy... Why would I not be?" I ask, confused. "Uh, because you just had an encounter with Discord?" she answered. "He was being very hurtful! Still, he didn't faze you. "And I don't think that's a good thing," she finished. "What? Why?" "Because anypony in their right mind should be scared of Discord right now!" Twilight insisted. "This is very serious business! Look, Rarity told me that you came to Ponyville in the first place to hunt him down." Well well, it appears the seamstress actually connected the dots of my fake hints... "I can understand that you probably want to make Discord pay for what he did to you." Suddenly, Twilight paused. "When did that happen, anyway?" "Oh, um..." I began, trying to think. "It definitely didn't happen in the last week. It was... a few months ago, I suppose." "And you, um, 'got better' when Discord was resealed?" "I guess so." "That makes sense. Anyway, my point is, Discord is dangerous! It's my job, and my friends' jobs, to deal with Discord, but I can't risk anypony else getting hurt!" "Well, frankly, you can't stop me. With my ability to sense magic, I can find his unicorn helper before you even know where to look." Twilight's look of concern only increased. "That's another good point," she said. "Discord may be stripped of his powers, but whoever it is that is helping him clearly isn't. And while Discord himself isn't really the sort to hurt anypony physically, I can't guarantee that the unicorn is the same way! I just wish I knew who it is! "Hang on. Rhombus, do you have any clue who it is that is helping Discord? Do you recognize their magic, perhaps?" "Nope. Not a clue." "That is unfortunate. In any case, I know that I can't stop you from looking for Discord on your own, but I have a feeling that you sparked his interest when you stood up to him today. He might come for you again!" "I'll be fine," I answer in irritation, feeling uncomfortable by all of this concern directed toward me. "In fact, I'm going home." I start to walk away. Twilight is following me. I stop and turn to her. "Are you following me?" I demanded. "Yes, I'm following you. At least until you get home! I know that you aren't living in the town proper, and once you leave town, you'll be completely alone. If Discord really is mad at you, it would be the perfect opportunity to come for you. I can't let you go home alone. Once you arrive, you can demand that I not trespass and I will go away, but I'm not leaving your side until then." "You have got to be kidding me!" This is extremely bad. There is absolutely no way I can return to my hideout with this mare following me around. Actually, come to think of it, we wouldn't even manage to get that far. After spending about five minutes in my presence, she will be affected by that shroom I'm hauling around and- ... This is a bad idea, isn't it? "Oh, alright!" I relent. "Thank you," answers Twilight in relief. She says nothing further for now, to my own relief. Finally, once we are almost out of town, she speaks. "So, where are you living, anyway? Rarity said that she didn't know exactly." I've been keeping track of how close the mushroom is to triggering. Thankfully, there isn't much time left. I won't have to suffer through Twilight's questions for long. "It's just a camp, really," I answer. "I don't plan on staying in Ponyville for very long. Once I do what I came here to do, I'll be out of here." "That doesn't sound-" "Wait!" I interject. "Something is wrong!" I can barely contain my excitement, but I still manage to sound concerned. "What is it?" whispers Twilight in near panic as I begin counting down in my head. "Is it Discord?" Three, two, one- A whistling noise briefly sounds as fake Discord apparently erupts from the ground several meters in front of us. "For goodness sake, Discord!" cried Twilight, obviously upset. "Oh, relax!" he answers back. "I came here to make you a deal!" A deal, eh? This sparks my fancy! This is much more interesting than what happened in that boutique. "A deal?" asked Twilight in surprise. "Do you mean that you're here to negotiate?" "No, of course not," answers fake Discord. "If you don't take my deal, I'll teleport away. If you try to run away or call for help, I'll teleport away. If you try to attack me, I'll teleport away. You get the idea." "You have no powers," Twilight spat back. "You already know that I know you have somepony to do magic for you. Where are they?" There is a flash of light beside fake Discord, and then there is a cloaked form of a pony standing next to him. It is impossible to distinguish any of their features. In fact, I have a feeling that the illusionary pony doesn't have any features. "Who are you?" Twilight demanded. "And why are you helping him? Is he threatening you with something? Did he promise you power?" "It’s not that easy, Twilight," said fake Discord. "They don't answer to you." The cloaked figure remains silent. Twilight hesitated, considering her options. "What is this deal?" she says at last. "It's quite simple! I challenge you to a little game!" Before Twilight can respond, fake Discord adds, "And if you win, then I will surrender! I'll go back to Ponyville with you and suffer through your plans for reforming me." WHAT...? What madness is this! There is no way that I would lay out such terms! Not unless... unless I know for absolute certain that there is no danger of losing. "And if you win, what do you get?" asked Twilight. "Why nothing at all, except for the right to brag about how I won and you didn't." "But how do I know that you'll keep your word?" demanded Twilight. "You're a liar and a trickster! How do I know that you won't run away if I win?" "Games are a very serious business, my dear," answered fake Discord seriously. "I do have a reputation to uphold. If I did something so dishonorable, nopony would ever agree to my challenges ever again! Have you forgotten the fact that I legitimately left the elements of harmony in a place where you could reach them and use them against me?" Twilight paused for a few moments to consider these words. "What is the game?" asked Twilight. "Well, you see, I figured, what is the point of me getting into another conflict with you and your friends when we can just simulate it instead and call it good?" Fake Discord turned back toward the hooded pony. "Show her!" he commanded. Suddenly, the ground took on a checker board pattern and giant pillars appeared all around us. I immediately know what's going on. He's challenging her to a game of life sized chess. All of Twilight's pieces are shaped to look like ponies. The pieces in the back all look like the bearers of the elements of harmony and the pieces in the front look like other ponies that I just plain don't know. Presumably, she knows who they are. Wait a moment. Twilight herself is standing in the spot of a bishop! Oh, this is delicious! And yet, curious! I could understand if Twilight's fears placed her as a pawn as a representation of her servitude to her princess, or even as a representation of her own self-doubt, and I could understand her being in the place of the king or queen as a representation of her sizable amount of power or as a representation of the 'responsibility' upon her, but why would she fall somewhere in the middle? Oh my. The king and queen pieces are in the image of Princess Celestia and Luna, respectively... Suddenly, I am dismayed to realize that I myself am standing in the place of a mere pawn. Whatever. I'm not going to let that bother me. After all, I'm trying to pass myself off as something pathetic. At least I get to laugh at how Twilight thinks that I'm actually on her side. In contrast, my illusionary double's side is composed entirely out of faceless chess pieces, aside from himself as king and the cloaked unicorn as queen. What the heck is that supposed to mean? The queen is the most powerful piece! But the king is the most important piece... I'm not sure whether to be offended or not. This is clearly a metaphor for how I don't have my powers right now and how that makes me vulnerable, and I don't like that. But... I am being depicted as a king. Oh, forget this! I think to myself in frustration. It's just a stupid game! Besides, this whole scene was created in Twilight's head! Why should I care what she thinks? "Discord," said Twilight, "I don't know if you are aware of this, but I am very, very good at this game." "Oh, I know!" fake me answers. "Why do you think I picked it?" "Fine. I'll play your 'game'," Twilight said. "If you agree to a few rules first." "If you insist." "First rule: no cheating!" "Obviously," said fake Discord with a roll of his eyes. "Second rule: We will use the standard rules of the game! You can use advanced maneuvers like castling, en passant, and pawn promotion if you want. I don't have a problem with that, but no making up your own rules!" "Fine, fine!" "And... no funny business!" Twilight cried. "That's a little vague, wouldn't you agree?" "If I- If I find out that you rigged the game or something, then the stakes are forfeit!" "I'm already getting nothing. Remember?" "Oh," said Twilight, embarrassed. "Well... you lose your bragging rights!" "So, is that it then? You have the first move, and I'm getting bored!" Twilight glared back for about ten whole seconds. And then she leaves her spot and walks toward me. "Discord is up to something," she whispers to me. "I'm absolutely sure of it!" "Of course he is," I answer. He’s busy silently laughing at you while you get played for a fool. "I just can't believe he's offering me this! He wouldn't promise to give himself up unless he is absolutely sure that I won't win!" A truth, I admit. "But... there... doesn't seem to be a downside to this..." Twilight mused. Impossible. This is supposed to be a nightmare. I don't know why this is being dragged out like this instead of just giving her a good scare like what happened with Rarity, but there has to be a downside for her in this somewhere. There has to be! "What do you think I should do?" she asks. "Just do it! He's just going to disappear if you don't, and it will drive you crazy if you never find out what would have happened." "You're right. But... I don't want to force you to do anything. It's obvious that Discord wants you to be one of the pieces. I know you don't want me to tell you what to do, but, well, I need you to go along with it! I promise I'll make it up to you!" "What are you trying to convince me for?" I cry in frustration. "I'm fine with it! I just want to see what will happen here! Just do it already!" "Um... Right..." Twilight turns back and slowly returns to her spot. "I accept your challenge, Discord," she says. She lights up her horn and 'picks up' one of her giant pieces. As she guides the non-existent object through the air, I stare at the phenomenon in fascination. The illusion has her completely fooled in not only her sense of sight and hearing, but also her sense of magical touch. She's exerting a tremendous amount of energy at empty air and she can't even tell! After she completes her move, fake Discord calls out instructions to the cloaked pony, who makes a move that mirror's Twilight's action. Twilight makes another move. Fake me mirrors it. Twilight moves again. Fake me mirrors it. Twilight moves again. Seriously-? Fake me mirrors it! "Discord!" screams Twilight in frustration. "What are you doing?" "I'm playing the game," he answers. "Didn't you notice?" "You're just copying everything I do!" "I might be." "Discord, what you are doing is not an effective strategy! The point of the game is to have a better strategy than the opponent, and if you just copy them, your strategy will not be better, it will only be just as good! "And that's not the only issue! It is incredibly easy to break your strategy by simply attacking one of your pieces with my own mirror version of that piece!" "I am fully aware of all of this," said fake Discord in a bored tone. "I'll do whatever I want. A better question is, why are you trying to help me to win?" "What!" shouts Twilight. "I'm not- Look Discord, if you continue to employ such atrocious strategy, I won't be able to give you enough advice to save you from yourself!" "Whatever you say. Make a move." Twilight continues to do nothing. "If this is a plan to make me think that I can cut corners because you're so bad at this, it's not going to work!" she shouts. "I know! Make a move!" Twilight does so. Fake Discord copies it. Okay, this is really starting to drive me up the wall. Everything that Twilight said is actually completely true. This depiction of myself, frankly, appears to be an idiot! Twilight knows I'm not an idiot! Which can only mean that, somehow, he knows what he is doing. You had really better actually know what you are doing I think in frustration. Because even I don't have any clue what's going on here! Twilight and fake Discord took another few turns. And then Twilight did exactly what she said that she would. She captured one of fake Discord's pieces with its own mirroring piece. As it turns out, she didn't receive any retribution for this at all. Instead, my illusion decided to make some other random move instead. I'm actually getting angry here. This is insulting! I begin to question my understanding of the mushroom's power. Maybe it doesn't show its victims their own fears? Maybe it... I don't even know! I was so certain that I understood their magic! It sure looks like it's supposed to scare everyone! But this isn't scary. The game continues for a while and fake Discord manages to lose four more pieces without capturing any of Twilight's at all. WHY IS THIS VERSION OF ME SUCH A FREAKIN' IDIOT! I don't mind toying with ponies, but the stakes are too high for that kind of nonsense! If he breaks his promise and vanishes after losing, I'm going to be FURIOUS! Because he was right about one thing: I DO have a reputation to uphold! And then, finally, finally, Discord manages to capture one of Twilight's pieces. By sacrificing three of his own pieces in the process. Ugh. "My, my, Twilight," says fake Discord. "It looks like Rainbow Dash is gone! What are you going to do now?" Hang on, was Twilight's lost piece the one that looked like Rainbow Dash? It was! "Discord," said Twilight furiously, "Shut up. You lost three pieces with that dumb maneuver." "And I don't care in the least." "Well, you should!" I think I might be getting an inkling of what my illusionary self is trying to accomplish. But if he's doing what I think he's doing, then he's still going to lose and it will definitely not be worth it. The fact that he is non-existent and therefore incapable of actually going with Twilight doesn't matter. I have principles, and I will not allow myself to be made into a fool! Suddenly, something actually interesting takes place in the game. Well, that's the first good move he's made. It's WAY too late to save him at this point of course... Somehow, fake Discord actually managed to force Twilight into a situation where two of her pieces are being threatened at once. And there isn't a single possible move that Twilight can make that will save them both. Unfortunately… one of said pieces is just a pawn. "Well, Twilight?" said fake Discord, bored by her hesitation. "Who is it going to be? Are you giving up Pinkie Pie? Or... whoever that pony is...? That's the mail pony, right?" As Twilight hesitates, I observe the situation in barely restrained glee. Fake me is still an idiot, but he still managed to not only do at least one thing right, he managed to do it decently well. "I don't know, okay!" Twilight spat back, upset. "Give me a minute!" And so he is. Now nopony is saying a word, and I can just feel the torment coursing through Twilight. "Come now, we don't have all day!" fake Discord taunted. "I know you said no adding any rules, but I feel that implementing a timer at this point wouldn't be unreasonable, right?" "ARGH!" screamed Twilight. "Why do you have to be so MEAN?" Fake Discord smiles back at her. "You know, technically, Pinkie Pie is the more valuable of the two. This should be an easy decision." "You did this on purpose! I forfeit!" Twilight cries. "I don't care. I refuse to be toyed with like this any further!" "And I win by default!" declared fake Discord happily. "You see, Twilight, this is why you and your friends can never defeat me! They're holding you back!" Wait, is he going to stick around and torment her now? That's not good. "You're lying!" she spat back immediately. "Your ridiculous metaphor is flawed. Reality is not like this game." Alright, now I have to put a stop to this. I don't have time for this, and I also need Twilight in good spirits, strangely enough. She's no use to me if she's broken. "You do realize," I declare, drawing my double's attention, "that in real life, everypony gets to move around all at once? Wouldn't it be much more fun and chaotic if every single playing piece moved at the same time?" "Oh, it certainly would," agreed fake Discord. "But a certain somepony insisted on standard rules, remember?" "And another thing!" I leave my spot and walk toward my double. He looks at me in confusion, but holds his ground. I don't stop walking until I'm almost right up against him. Although he stood his ground, at this point, he is just staring at me in shock, astounded by my sheer audacity. "In reality, there is no such thing as cheating." I reach out and shove him as hard as I can. Naturally, I feel nothing when I appear to touch the fake draconequuis. The illusion however, in its necessity to portray realism, is pushed away from me. "Why, you insolent pony!" he roars. "Do you have any idea who I am?" "Of course I do. So, what are you going to do, huh? What are you going to do?" I ask, knowing perfectly well that the illusion can't do anything to me at all, as I am not actually under its spell. If it tried, it would just pass through me harmlessly. "This isn't the last you've seen of me," fake Discord informs angrily. "Take us away from here, you!" he says to the cloaked pony. There is a flash of light. And now Discord, the cloaked pony, the checkered floor, and the giant chess pieces are gone. The magic is dispelled. Twilight still seems to be shaken, leaving me alone with my thoughts for the moment. And this is what I was thinking: I hadn't realized that Twilight Sparkle was so cunning! Of course I was aware that Twilight was intelligent, in much the same way that I am aware that there is air around me. But this thing that I have just witnessed? It was all conceived in Twilight's head! Of course, it was stupid and risky for fake me to offer what he did, but to be fair, he probably knew for absolute certain that his scheme could work. After all, he was in fact something from a dark corner of Twilight's own mind. The fact that she wasn't making him do it on purpose doesn't matter, it proves that she has the potential to produce some really terrific schemes! Until recently, I had little use for schemes and plans myself... and yet... I find that I actually value this hidden trait of hers. In a bizarre twist of circumstances, Twilight's unconscious self-intimidation has actually increased my respect for her. Yep, I am a strange, strange individual. If she had a different mindset... Well, I don't actually know what would happen. What if she did think like me? What if she did use her talents to exert her superiority over others? That would make her my rival. Sort of like Celestia, actually, only not quite the same. No premonitions of self-righteousness, for one thing. I decide that, in the best case scenario, Twilight could have the honor of assisting me in carrying out my will. I suddenly realize with great surprise that this is exactly what I was trying to make her do already. Well, not quite exactly. The ideal scenario would be that she helps me willingly and I don't even have to bother with tricking her. But I know that that will never happen. Tricking her will be a necessity. And now, apparently, Twilight has recovered from this ordeal enough to approach me, uneasily. "Are... are you out of your mind!" she cries. "What did I do?" "I know that you wanted to get even with Discord for what he did to you, but I can't believe you just did that!" "Oh come on, he deserves it," I lie, giving the answer almost any pony would. "If he wasn't interested in you before, he definitely is now! You've made him angry! Look, I can't let you go home!" "What! Is this because you're scared he's going to come after me or something?" Silently, I'm cursing this fungus I'm hauling around. It's magic is powerful and entertaining, but without a way to be able to directly control it, it's causing me more trouble than it's worth. "That's part of the reason..." Twilight admitted. "But there is another reason! I- I didn't want to say it before, but Discord has really gone too far this time!" "... How do you figure?" "Because, now that Discord is actively scaring ponies, it has become necessary to take action! Originally, we were going to just leave him alone so long as he didn't hurt anybody, but that is no longer the case!" Hold up now, what? You were actually planning on leaving me alone? ... And I've just ruined that? ... Huh. "And if we're going to try to find Discord, it probabily isn't going to be easy. That's why I need your help!" "Because of my ability to sense magic." "Yes, because you have the ability to sense magic! Somehow, you were able to tell that there was trouble in Rarity's boutique! Somehow, you knew that Discord was coming for us here even before he showed up! Discord may be powerless, but somehow he has managed to get a pony to do his work for him. If we can find that pony, we find Discord! But I can't find them without your help! I need you to help me!" I stare dumbfounded at her. She mistakes my silence for hesitation. "If you help me with this, I promise I'll give you whatever your heart desires! Princess Celestia herself has an interest in this matter, and she'd pay you a tremendous sum in return for your aid!" "Twilight Sparkle..." I say, astounded. "Are you trying to bribe me?" "If a bribe is what it takes, then yes! Bribery is a perfectly legitimate means of negotiation. It's certainly isn't my first choice, but I will do it if that's what it takes." ...Huh? Who in their right mind would say that! Bribery isn't negotiation, i'ts... it's cheating! Unwarranted, my own words come back to me. In reality, there is no such thing as cheating. Shut up, shut up! I mentally scream at myself. That's not what I meant! Despite my confusion, I manage to respond to her without missing a beat. "Well, unfortunately for you, I have no interest in money." "Then what do you want?" "I... I don't know!" I lie. I know what I want of course, but I can't tell her that. "Then, if you help me, I'll give you anything that you ask of me if it is within my power! You don't have to decide what that is right now! I'll owe you a favor!" "Oh really?" I ask, extremely doubtful. "Anything?" "Anything within reason," she corrected nervously. "But it would be reasonable to reward you with quite a lot!" Why am I resisting this so hard? This is exactly the kind of opportunity that I was hoping for! "Oh, very well!" I answer. "You drive a hard bargain, but you've convinced me!" "Oh, thank goodness! So, I guess since I we can't let you be outside of Ponyville by yourself, you... should come home with me." I have to try really hard not to make a certain joke. Really hard. "Well, let's not waste any time then," I say, thinking of that stupid mushroom. "So, I was thinking, while we walk, would you be willing to describe the nature of your ability to sense magic in greater detail?" ... Oh my chaos, Celestia, why did you have to let me out of that statue... Suddenly, all of the potential problems that might occur begin to pile up all at once in my mind. I'm going to regret making up that lie about my ability to sense magic, aren’t I? This isn't going to work! I think to myself before I can stop this line of thought. Oh, sure, I'm confident that my plan is sound, certainly. The problem isn't the plan. The problem is me! I don't know how much longer I can stand to pretend to be someone that I'm not! And I'm not sure how much longer I can stand pretending to be normal and nice before I lose my mind! The irony of nopony knowing who I am and what I am really thinking helps, but the novelty is going to wear thin, and then all that will be left is a terrible, terrible situation! I actually DON'T want to do this! If I was my old self, I would abandon this whole ordeal the moment it started to become uncomfortable. But I can't afford to do that. In fact, it was uncomfortable the moment I ran into that forest. I don't want to do this. But I have to anyway. And, as icing on the cake of 'why me', Miss Incessant Curiosity doesn't want to let me out of her sight. "Sure, I guess..." I answer Twilight reluctantly. "So, you live in a tree," I state, looking up at the library and stating the obvious. "That does appear to be the case, yes," said Twilight. "I was surprised when I found out too." I give her a look of confusion. "Didn't you know that it was a tree before you bought the place?" "Oh, I didn't buy it! The princess arranged for me to stay here during the Summer Sun Celebration, and then I decided to stay and so I just... kind of... stayed." ... "I see." I push the door open and step inside, then turn around to watch Twilight. Strangely, she hesitates before following me inside. "Um..." she begins, sounding confused. "Look, I told you, if you're confused about something about my ability, just ask." "It's not that. Um, don't take this the wrong way, but, there is something... strange about you." Uh oh. "Strange how?" I ask slowly. "I don't know," she answers, confused. "Something about the way that you move. It almost seems like... I don't even know how to describe it. But, for example, the door just now." "What about it?" "I don't know, I- Wh... ugh, why did you open the door from so far away?" Blasted disguise! I knew that something like this would happen! "I don't really know," I answer, trying to sound disinterested. "I never really noticed. Your friend Pinkie Pie moves weird too, doesn't she?" "Well, of course she does, I- Actually, just forget that I said anything. It's not that big of a deal. I was being rude." "Whatever. Actually, I have a question for you." "Oh, you do?" "Yeah. Where is your bathroom?" "O- oh. Um, upstairs, second door on the left." Without further words, I follow her directions to her bathroom. As soon as I'm inside, I lock the door and pull my bag off of my shoulders and throw it to the ground. I open it up and remove two pies and a very troublesome giant mushroom. And then I walk over to the window. Thank goodness the bathroom does have a window. I pull it open, and then slide my body through. In seconds, I find myself outside, gripping onto a tree branch. I climb upside-down to the bottom of the tree. Once I reach the bottom, I sneakily dash away. I have to resist the urge to return to running on two feet. I quickly find my destination and search the area for a certain somebunny who has been waiting for a little too long. Ah, there he is! "Hey!" I whisper into a bush. "It's me!" A furry face peeks out at me. "Look, I won't be going back to your burrow today. I have things I need to do here in town, but I'm sending you back. Here, take these apple pies." I slip the pies into the bush. "I was going to keep one for myself, but if I do that, then Twilight will notice, and then she might ask Applejack about it, and then they might figure out that I stole them, and... Look, just take the pies. And take this mushroom too!" I push the mushroom into the bush too. "Take it! Take it far away from here! I can't do anything here without worrying about the stupid thing trying to scare everyone around me!" A chattering noise escapes the bush. "Yeah, that's all. Go on. I have to get back before anypony notices that I left." As I turn away and begin to head back, I can't help but wonder what I've gotten myself into. I hope I can figure out an excuse to get away before two days pass. Not because the potion's power will run out at that time. After all, I could make another. The problem is, I don't think I could bear to actually make it or drink it and force myself to do this a second time! Whatever I'm going to do with Twilight to make her give me what I need, I have to do it quick, before I lose my mind. Speaking of which… I open the door and go back downstairs to find Twilight. “So…” she begins. “I was thinking, finding this mysterious unicorn should be our top priority, so I thought-“ “Hold on,” I interrupt her. “Before you finish that thought, I just want to let you know something. There’s no way we are actually going to manage to beat Discord.” “Wh- what?” “Discord is smarter than we are. He’s more driven than we are. He’s better than we are. I’m just a regular old earth pony. We don’t stand a chance of actually catching that guy, even if he is stripped of his powers. He’s going to get us all one day, I just know it! We’re screwed! We’re screwed! We’re screwed…” When Twilight finally managed to find her ability to speak, she said, “I don’t understand! If you believe that, why aren’t you scared of Discord? And why are you trying to stop him at all if you think that we have no chance?” I give her my best unnerving smile. “Because I just love a challenge!” She just looks at me as though I’m insane. At about this time, somewhere deep underground beneath the Everfree Forest, all is not calm in a certain fungus filled cavern. The single light in the cave rapidly blinks brighter and then softer again in rapid succession. And then, suddenly, the light very briefly becomes blindingly bright as a bolt of lightning that has surprisingly little to do with electricity shoots through the air. The thunder crack, although loud, is not heard by any living thing with ears. It is too far removed from the forest above. Now the light is steady once again. But only for now.