I Become a Farmer
You may write about your daisies,
Your violets, and roses;
You may write of buttercups,
Daffodils and other posies;
You may sing of larks and robins,
Nightingales, with all your power;
But there’s nothing that can touch my heart,
Like a fine, large cauliflower.
“Poems for Farmers”, The Equestrian Encyclopedia of General Knowledge
I woke with the Sun, well rested and ready for the day. AJ still hadn’t moved, so I went through my morning ablutions and then went into the lounge. I had some strong black tea and read the paper which was a local out of Appleloosa. Soon other guests appeared including the unicorn couple. I greeted them, then was very pleased to see Ren. She looked as if she was loving life. Eyes flashing and tail swishing, she greeted me with a very sincere French double kiss. And nopony can swish their tails like French mares, I tell you what.
We ate breakfast, Ren, the unicorn couple and I, then Ren went to get her saddlebags. She checked out and I trotted with her to the station so she could catch the 7:30. On the platform, we looked at one another and Knew we’d stay close the rest of our lives. Non-unicorns make much of the glowing horns, intimacy and so on, but the real purpose of it all is to know you’re no longer alone in the World.
“Je t'aime, mon ami,” Ren said, giving me that gentle kiss again as her train pulled into the station.
“Je t'aime, ma chérie,” I said, returning the kiss.
“I will see you and AJ after Midsummer, no?” she asked, staying with French.
“We will look forward to it. Where do you go now?”
“To see some old soldiers,” she said, looking enthusiastic. “I have stayed away from them for far too long.”
“Best to you, my dearest,” I said, grinning.
“My thanks to you, Maker.” She turned to go. “Oh, and Maker…?” she said, looking back over her shoulder.
“My dear?”
“Call me Companion when it is just us.”
“You honor me with your request, my good friend,” I said, bowing.
Ren blew me a kiss, and then trotted onto the first class car. I waved as the train pulled out, then thanked the Magic such unicorns existed in my life. The station clock showed 7:36 as I headed back to the hotel. Enough of this soft living, I thought, and broke into a gallop. I kept it up all the way back, racing up the portico steps just as the clock struck 8. I went into the hot springs, showered, had another soak, showered again and then went back to the room.
I’d just finished thank-you note number 31 and was trying to figure out how to thank Lady Silver for the ugliest soup tureen in all of Equestria when I heard AJ stir. I turned just in time to see her stretch, give a huge yawn and then notice her silver horseshoe. Her expression changed to one of joy, then of smug satisfaction.
“’Morning, Sleeping Beauty,” I said, enjoying watching her wake up.
“Partner! What day is it? Where are we?”
“It is the Year of Celestia 1,102, the 12th of Third at 10:31 in the morning and you, Mrs. Apple, are on your honeymoon at Hot Springs.”
“Oh, law, I slept through our wedding night, didn’t I?” said AJ, making a face hoof.
I laughed at her. “That you did, Mrs. Apple, that you did. Shining Armor owes me 5 bits.”
“What’ve you been a’doin’?”
“Oh, taking the waters, reading the paper, writing thank-you notes. This one is for Lady Silver,” I said, holding up the half-written note.
AJ’s expression changed again. “Bathroom!” she said and looked around frantically.
“To your right, my lovely,” I said, gesturing with my pen and laughing even more.
AJ raced to the bathroom and I half-listened to her while I wrote. I heard her come back in the room and said, “AJ, which do you like better: ‘We only plan to bring out your marvelous tureen on the most special of special occasions’ or ‘No doubt we’ll use your marvelous tureen at least once a week’?”
I felt two strong Earth pony hooves wrap themselves around my chest from behind. AJ leaned forward and licked the base of my horn, the most intimate physical contact anypony could have with a unicorn. “I’m awake now and th’ bed’s empty,” she said into my right ear.
It wasn’t empty for long.
We showered together, then dried off. I brushed out AJ’s mane and tail, then put on her ribbons and hat. As we left the room, I spotted one of the little blue maids. I handed her a 5 bit coin.
“Sorry about the mess,” I said, pointing to the room.
The little filly actually giggled; I didn’t think the humorless and stodgy Elect had it in them. She tried to hand back the coin and I waved it off.
“We will clean your room at once, sirrah,” she said, grinning as the other two maids appeared, both grinning as well.
“My thanks to the Elect,” I answered, returning the grins. AJ and I headed on to the lobby.
“Made some friends, did ya?” said AJ, looking back as the maids raced into our room.
“The staff here is very professional and efficient, I’m glad to say,” I told AJ as I gave her my best courtier smile.
The same clerk who checked us in was working the desk.
“Look who’s up,” I said, pointing to AJ.
“Oh, welcome, Mrs. Apple!” said the clerk. “We’re so glad you’re spending your honeymoon with us!”
Mrs. Calloway overheard and came out of her office. “Mrs. Apple! A pleasure to meet you, ma’am! Your new husband has been so helpful to us.”
AJ looked at me curiously as I waved off Mrs. Calloway. “Not at all, Mrs. Calloway. By the way, I read in the hotel’s flyer you have something called “The Earth Pony Wake-Up Special”. Do you think that’s appropriate here?”
Mrs. Calloway gave that pleasant smile of hers. “Indeed I do, Mr. Apple. There’s a small private dining room on the right. Would you and Mrs. Apple please wait there?”
I nodded and steered AJ to the dining room. As we walked in, several of the staff appeared and set up a single long table, put down a table cloth, then brought in a candelabra and silverware. One of the waiters pulled out a chair for a puzzled AJ. They brought one for me, too, and set it up next to hers. Another waitress brought AJ a carafe of bubbling spring water and poured her a glass. She drank it and five more while I had a cup of black tea.
Soon Mrs. Calloway came through the “Out” kitchen door and stood to one side. She set off a trumpet fanfare, then waiters bearing trays of fresh scrubbed vegetables came marching out of the kitchen. Beets, cabbage, turnips, onions, squash (seasoned with a touch of garlic), celery, leeks, brussels sprouts, peppers, pumpkins, sweet potatoes and green tomatoes appeared one after the other. The hotel had an extensive cold cellar not to mention suppliers from all over Equestria so ponies who stayed there ate very well indeed, even through the Winter.
AJ’s eyes grew large and she started to eat. When she’d finish a platter, I’d set it aside and she’d start on another. I had an occasional turnip, mushroom (grown onsite) or shriveled apple. They weren’t from our orchard but most likely from Braeburn’s which wasn’t all that far from the hotel.
The stack of platters grew and the wait staff took them away and brought more food. Soon one of the chefs peered out the kitchen door, and then just came into the dining room and stood. Several of the staff wandered in and before long, most of the hotel staff had come to watch, wide-eyed and silent. I just sat back, crossed my legs and enjoyed my tea.
AJ started to slow down after her 13th platter. I rose and said, “Members of the hotel staff. As you can see, my new bride thoroughly enjoyed your cuisine. She also doesn’t like to eat alone. Please, join us!”
I didn’t have to ask twice. Before I knew it, there were two dozen chairs along the table full of staff from Mrs. Calloway right down to the three blue pegasi maids. More food, more sparkling water and even a little brandy. The waiters and waitresses traded places with some of the other staff and some rotated out so as not to neglect the other guests, but everypony had a wonderful time. I’d have to add yet another thank-you note, I thought: “Tia/hotel wedding feast”.
At 12:00 Mrs. Calloway came back in and clapped her hooves. “All right, my little ponies, back to work if you please.” The remaining staff got up and soon dispersed. The wait staff collected the platters and started to clean up. I left 20 bits for a tip and escorted AJ out of the private dining room. She thanked the staff, too, and they looked with satisfaction at her bulging stomach.
We walked out through the lobby and into the bright, Spring day. I led AJ down the path which circled the extensive grounds.
“My, that was fine,” AJ said, burping a little. She leaned over and nibbled on my neck in the pocket where the neck met the jawline, her favorite spot since that day we’d played on the road. “Wanna go back to the room?” she asked.
“Not just yet, Miss Pig. Let’s walk off some of the meal first, and then take the waters.”
“Sure,” said the amenable Applejack. I was pleased all over again at my excellent choice of a wife.
We ran into a few other couples, exchanged pleasantries and enjoyed the native plant life. We came across some plants just ready to bloom.
“Flax,” said AJ, stopping to hold a bud.
“Linum lewisii, common names Wild Blue Flax, Lewis Flax or Prairie Flax. A perennial plant in the family Linaceae, native to western Equestria with an extensive range. It grows on ridges and dry slopes, from sea level up to 6,000 feet.” I spoke without even thinking about it.
AJ started at me with wide eyes, the laughed. “Ya sure know your flax, Partner,” she said, still laughing.
“So it would seem,” I said with a strained smile. How did I know that?
“What’s that one,” said AJ, pointing a hoof to a red flower with yellow tips.
“Gaillardia aristata, the Common Blanketflower, part of the sunflower family. You can use it to treat wounds and settle fevers.”
“And that?”
“Dianthus barbatus or Sweet William, a species of Dianthus. The flowers are quite good and may have medicinal properties.” How in the name of Equestria did I know all of this?
“Well, Partner, I’m impressed. Not many who aren’t Earth ponies know their flowers that well.” AJ smiled at me and I smiled back, but my mind was in turmoil. What was happening?
AJ didn’t seem to notice anything amiss, so we just kept walking. She asked me about a few more plants and I knew them just as well as the others. Time to change the subject, I thought.
“I wonder what Fall is doing?” I asked as AJ smelled some wild roses.
“Probably tryin’ to fit a condenser to the racer so she could drive it longer,” said AJ, casually.
“Yes, we talked about that,” I answered without thinking. “We really weren’t sure where we could put the condenser unless…” Then I realized what AJ had said.
“AJ?”
“Yeah, Hon?” she said, watching a salamander scamper away.
“How does a condenser work?”
“Well, a tubing system takes the exhaust steam and routes it through a heat exchanger, then back to the water tank.”
“And how would you build a heat exchanger?”
“Depends on the type, o' course. A shell and tube heat exchanger is just a series of tubes. One set o' tubes contains the fluid to cool, the other the fluid which absorbs the heat. On th' other hand, an adiabatic wheel heat exchanger uses an intermediate fluid or solid to hold heat and moves the heat to the other side of the exchanger..."
“AJ?” I interrupted.
“Partner?”
“How do you know that?”
“Oh, everypony knows that, Ben.”
“Do they now?”
AJ looked puzzled for a moment, then a hoof shot to her mouth. “What’s goin’ on?” she said, suddenly nervous.
“C’mon,” I said. I grabbed her hoof and we raced along until we came to a pleasant rose garden with a bench. I sat down with her, still holding her hoof.
“AJ, ask me a farm question.”
“Uh…what’ll we plant this Spring...in alphabetical order?”
“Beets, broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower, corn, green beans, kale, lettuce, peas, peppers, spinach and tomato.”
“Name three types of tomato,” said AJ, warming to her subject.
“Azorean Red, Sun Gold and Yellow Tasteful.”
“What pests eat cauliflower?”
“Cabbage loopers, cabbageworms, cabbage root maggots, aphids, and flea beetles.”
We just stared at each other.
“First law of thermodynamics?” I asked AJ.
“Heat is a form of energy, and thermodynamic processes must obey the principle o’ conservation of energy. You can neither create nor destroy heat energy. You can, however, transfer it from one location t’ another and convert it to and from other forms o’ energy.”
I leaned my head back and laughed and laughed. “I don’t believe it! I’m a farmer. And you’re a mechanical engineer!” I laughed some more.
“Partner, what’s happened to us? Tell me!”
I sat up again and took both of AJ’s hooves in mine. “Don’t you get it? We followed the Old Ways! The Courtship, the vows, the token…and we stayed apart until after we were married. Granny guessed this would happen: ‘magic A is magic A’ is the way she put it.”
I sat back on the bench, releasing AJ’s hooves. “I suppose the original Old Ways were for Earth ponies only. Add a unicorn to the mix, and, well…you see what happens.”
“We’re a team!” said AJ excitedly.
“A perfect team,” I agreed.
We kissed and rubbed noses. An old unicorn couple walking by noticed us and I heard the mare say, “Good to see young couples in love, isn’t it, Harold?”
Yes, it is, I thought.
We walked back to the hotel, asking one another the hardest questions we could think up. We went to the hot springs and the cold pool for a soak and when we got out, we found two mares from the spa waiting for Applejack.
“Mrs. Apple? One of our guests has given you the Full Spa Package as a wedding gift.”
“Guest? Which guest?” asked AJ.
“She wishes to tell you herself later.”
“Go on, AJ, enjoy yourself. I’ll go finish the thank-you notes,” I said.
AJ waved good-bye to me and went off with the mares. I went back to the room and finished the thank-you notes, then wrote Ren and Juliette about the Old Ways, wrote out a quick note to Storm Spotter about training at least one, preferably two, pegasi in emergency first aid and wrote Carl about martial art instructors. I posted those and the thank-you notes using my Protector of the Crown seal for postage, one of my favorite perks.
I went to the lounge, read the paper and had a brandy. A little after 6:30 the two spa mares showed up with a blanket spread between them. They dropped it and there stood an absolutely lovely Applejack. She’d had a hooficure, mane styling, tail styling, hide brush and even an ear cleaning, a rare treat. I rose, gave a full bow and quoted from the Encyclopedia:
The Nymph that undoes me, is fair and unkind;
No less than a wonder by Nature designed.
“Aw, shucks,” said AJ as she looked down, turned a very fetching red and scraped her right hoof on the floor. The spa ponies laughed and applauded.
“We go to dine, Fairest of Them All,” I said, offering AJ my left foreleg. I tossed the spa ponies 10 bits each and both curtsied as AJ took my foreleg.
As we walked into the dining room, all heads turned.
“Look, it’s the Sleeping Pony!” “She’s awake!” “She’s beautiful!” I heard. We got a round of applause as I led AJ to a table and pulled out the chair for her. She was still blushing but was smiling and enjoying herself enormously.
We also each got a waiter which was more special treatment. We had an excellent meal, AJ unabashed at eating another six platters in spite of what she had for lunch. Several of the other diners including the unicorn couple came over and spoke to us. It was a wonderful way to end a honeymoon.
“Compliments of the management, sir,” said my waiter when he served us champagne for dessert.
“And my thanks to the same, young stallion,” I said. I held up my glass to AJ and quoted:
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meets in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which Heaven to gaudy day denies.
We clinked glasses and I saw two mares and one stallion use their napkins to wipe their eyes. Nothing too good for my best filly, I tell you what.
We passed on the lounge and went straight back to the room. AJ brushed her teeth, then kissed me after I’d brushed mine.
“I love you, Maker,” she said.
“I love you, Heather,” I answered. “And I hope you’ve enjoyed your honeymoon.”
“It’s been a revelation, that’s for sure,” said AJ, getting into bed as I finished in the bathroom.
“That it has,” I said, as I joined her in bed. “Now, then, Mrs. Apple, who wants to have a canoodle?”
My answer was a snore. Hah, typical! I smiled to myself, lay on my back and fell asleep.
The Rebuild
With wonderful deathless ditties
We build up the world’s great cities.
And out of a fabulous story
We fashion an empire’s glory:
One stallion with a dream, at pleasure,
Shall go forth and conquer a crown;
And three with a new song’s measure
Can trample an empire down.
“Poems for Mages and Mechanics”, The Equestrian Encyclopedia of General Knowledge
AJ and I woke up with the Sunrise at almost the same time. My teasing her about falling asleep led to some extremely vigorous together time which left us both laughing and bathed in sweat. While she was in the bathroom, I cleaned the room, swooshing dust and dirt out the window, polishing the furniture and so on. We swapped places and after I finished in the bathroom, I cleaned that as well. AJ just looked amused when I finished.
I tossed three 10-bit coins onto the bedside table and packed our saddlebags. We had more than enough time to catch the 7 o’clock freight, so we ate a good breakfast. We checked out and on our way to the front door most of the hotel staff lined up to send us on our way.
“Thank you so much, Mr. Apple,” said Mrs. Calloway, shaking my hoof. “We’ve thoroughly enjoyed having you here.”
“My pleasure, ma’am. If I or any other agent of the Crown can be of service to you again, please let me know.”
The three blue pegasi were waiting next to the door. Two of them pushed one to the front and she kissed me on either side of my muzzle, and then touched my nose to hers. She blushed a light purple, then stepped back and said, “We are honored to have met you, O Healer.” The others smiled and nodded.
“Fly well, my Beauteous Pegasi Elect,” I said to all three in Ancient Equestrian.
They crossed their hooves over the chests and bowed as AJ and I walked out the door and down the steps.
“What do you get up to when I’m not around?” asked AJ, looking at me askance as we trotted to the station.
“Just some language practice, my dear,” I said innocuously. I could tell AJ didn’t buy it but as usual she didn’t quiz.
We got to the depot at 6:45 and found the freight on the siding with Lady Astrid’s private car already hooked up in front of the caboose. We trotted up to the engine. It was one of those Fillydelphia 4-4-0s and almost ready for the scrap yard. AJ had one look and shook her head.
“Cylinders are plum wore out, piston rod is about t’ go,” she said, peering at the piston rod. “She leaks like a sieve.”
“Fire tubes need replacing,” I said, nodding.
“Crown sheets and regulator valve aren’t the best, either,” said AJ, peering at the top of the boiler.
“Eh, she should be enough to get us to Ponyville,” I said and looked around for the engineer.
A very young Earth pony wearing the traditional striped hat came out of the station, saw us and walked briskly over.
“Mr. and Mrs. Apple?”
“The same. Are you the engineer?”
“I am, sir. Coleman McGuiness, but everypony calls me ‘Coal’” he said, shaking my and AJ’s hooves.
“A pleasure, sir,” I said. “Who’s the firepony for this run?”
“I believe you know Timothy, Mr. Apple,” said Coal. Hearing his name, Timothy popped up from the other side of the hog and waved.
“Ho, Mr. Wizard!”
“Timothy Martin, my good stallion, delighted to see you again,” I said, waving back. “I don’t believe you’ve met Mrs. Apple?”
“Ma’am!”
“Howdy, Timothy! Ben’s done told me all about you.”
“Mr. Apple, Mrs. Apple, we leave in five,” said the young engineer looking at a beautiful Smithson and Sons watch.
“Very good, Engineer. My dear?” I said, gesturing to the private car.
“Thank you, good sir,” answered AJ and hopped aboard.
The car was stuffy from sitting for a few days, so I opened the skylight. Nothing collected dust and mites like velvet, so I cleaned the furniture and the drapes, then polished all the wood including the floor and ceiling. I fixed a couple of warped window frames, cleaned the glass, and then cleaned the plates we’d left in the sink from before. I checked the icebox and found a little mold, so I cleaned it inside and out. Kitchen, bathroom and sleeping alcove (move velvet) were last, and then I blew fresh air through the car and opened the front louvers. I finished just as I heard the double whistle and we started to move.
AJ had watched with pleasure. “Need a housekeeper, do ya?” she asked.
“I know it’s impressive, AJ, but the cost in magic really isn’t worth the results. It never is if you can do it by hoof.”
“Fun to watch, though.”
I gave a half bow and said in a simpering voice as I twisted my front hooves, “This ‘umble mage is most pleased to amuse his best filly, most pleased.”
AJ smacked me on the head, and then pulled some paper from her pouch. “I’m going to start organizing the Planting.”
“Reading for me,” I said as I held up the copy of the Ponysutra Carl and Cadence had left for us.
“Don’t sprain anything,” said AJ, laughing.
We settled in and were both soon engrossed. Another thing I liked about AJ, I thought, watching her write out list after list; no need to entertain her at all.
After about half an hour I was wondering if AJ wanted to join the On The Rails Club when we both perked our ears at the same time. Something was off somewhere, sure enough. A few seconds later we had a CLANG and the train lurched, then shuddered to a stop.
AJ and I looked at one another. “Connecting rod,” we said at the same time and both leapt for the door. We raced to the front of the train to find a very irritated engineer and firepony staring at a broken connecting rod on the left front wheel.
“I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Apple, I truly am,” said Coal. “I thought she’d get us to Appleloosa. Tim and I will hoof it to get help.”
I was, to say the least, annoyed. Really annoyed; by the Lord of Hel’s black and hairy tail, I’d had just about enough of these shoddy Fillydelphia locomotives. I could feel my magic respond and my mane start to crackle.
“Oh, boy,” said AJ, “this is gonna be a good’un.” Timothy just grinned in anticipation.
“Mr. Coleman,” I said, and I could hear my voice reverberate slightly. “Do you have any scrap metal on board?”
The engineer looked startled at first, and then grinned right along with Timothy. “Yes, sir, that we do. Fourth car is scrap metal for Baltimare.”
I nodded and said, “All stand about 30 feet away, please.”
The Earth ponies backed up. I snuffed the fire in the firebox, then vented the steam and dumped the water. I lifted that locomotive right off of the track and took it apart down the frame: 2,345 parts including the rivets and the fire tubes. I pulled out the scrap metal, sorted through it and chose the best iron, copper and brass there. I used blasts of magic to create some pretty good quality steel, and then replaced all the connecting rods and crank pins. I made new cylinders lined with brass, new pistons encircled with a brass ring, cleaned the chimney, replaced the fire tubes and riveted the boiler back together after blasting away the rust. Wheels were pretty good, so I left those alone.
I replaced the safety valve with a new one, replaced the crown sheet and the firebox stays and then cleaned all the controls. The steam dome wasn’t too bad, so I just polished that and removed some verdigris from the inside. The whistle was a Smithson and Sons and was the best thing about the entire locomotive. I found some old paint in a shed next to the track, so while I had the boiler off I powder coated the boiler green and then put AJ’s red cutie mark on the cab’s side with “Applejack” in cursive beneath it. I heard her gasp with pleasure and the admiring hoots and whistles of Coal and Timothy. I dumped the old locomotive parts in with the scrap which was where they belonged, and then oiled the moving parts.
There was a good bit of water left in the tender although we’d have to stop in Appleloosa to fill up. I filled the boiler, heated the water to boiling and then restarted the fire. I was very tempted to use a magic fire only but I was wearing down fast and thought it time to stop. Teach me to show off for my best filly, I thought, as sweat dripped off my nose and stomach.
When I finished, there sat a brand new locomotive up to the Smithson and Sons standard and perhaps a little better. The Earth ponies went wild, both stallions pounding me on the back and AJ throwing her front hooves around my neck and kissing my muzzle over and over again.
I grinned along with everypony, then asked, “What was she taking before, Coal?”
“Maybe 110 psi, Mr. Apple, although that was pushing it.”
“She’ll do 200 now, 250 in an emergency.”
“Outstanding, sir, just outstanding,” said Coal as he admired his new engine. “40 mph, do you think?”
“Absolutely,” I said. “Even with this load, try 200 psi and take her up to 50 mph for a few miles as a shakedown, then drop back to 150 psi. She’ll run at 40 mph on that.”
“Yes, sir!! Timothy?”
AJ and I went back to the car and after a few minutes heard the double toot. The train started up again and both of us stood with ears perked as we listened for any problem with the hog.
“Smooth as silk,” I said, satisfied.
AJ gave me a very saucy look, and then pounced. It turned out she did want to join the On The Rails Club after all.
I fell asleep and slept until we topped off in Appleloosa. AJ and I had a huge early lunch at the station, me keeping up with AJ for once. We left Appleloosa at 10:30 and made good time to Ponyville, getting there at 2:30, 10 minutes ahead of schedule. Not bad at all.
Coal, excited about his new engine, shook our hooves as we got off of the car.
“Mr. Apple, I can’t thank you enough,” he said with a grin. “Wait’ll I show this engine to Head Office!”
“Glad to have been of service, Mr. Coleman,” I said. AJ nodded and smiled as well.
“We’ll drop off the private car at Canterlot, then it’s on to Baltimare for us, sir. Thank you once again.”
AJ and I waved as he got back into the cab, and then turned for home. We walked in a companionable silence until I took the road to the workshop.
“Where ya goin’, Hon?” said AJ, stopping in the road.
“Why, home, AJ. Come on, I want to see what Fall’s been doing.”
“We’re not livin’ at the workshop, Partner. We’re livin’ at the farm.”
“What? Don’t be ridiculous, AJ. We’re moving into the workshop,” I said, surprised.
“Weellll…I thought we’d live at the farm, particularly with Spring Plantin’ coming up and all.”
I realized right away this was going to be one of those “discussions” married couples had. I really didn’t want to move into the farmhouse with the other Apples, though.
“AJ, we can’t live with the family. We need our own place.”
AJ walked up to me and put her right hoof on my chest. “Sure, Partner, and we’ll have one. We’ll stay in the cabin for now, then build a house after we finish th’ Plantin’. After all,” AJ added, looking up at me with those ravishing green eyes, “we’ve got to make room for the young’uns.”
Cabin? Wait, young’uns?! Best give in on this one for the moment if AJ had thought that far ahead.
“I can deny you nothing, O Mare Who Walks in Beauty. Clearly, I’m but a slave to your whims,” I said, crossing both hooves over my chest.
“Thanks, Partner,” she said, smiling and giving me a light kiss. “I’ll make it up to you later.”
“So you shall,” I said, giving what I hoped was an impish look. “Go ahead, then. I’ll check in with Fall and Mrs. Grass, and then trot over later this afternoon.”
AJ blew me kiss as she trotted off and I headed for the workshop. I passed the badger den but no activity there. I made it to the front door, walked in and called out, “Behold, my lovely mares, the groom has returned! Make me welcome!”
Nopony was there. Blast, another entrance ruined.
“Mrs. Grass? Fall? Where is everypony?”
I heard thundering hooves and Fall came flying in from the workshop and slammed into me.
“Boss! Boss! Boss! You’re back! Oh, I missed you!” she yelled, head buried in my chest.
“Greetings, Apprentice! Yes, I’m back. Where’s Mrs. Grass?”
“She went to do the weekly shopping. She’ll be back around 4.”
“So, Apprentice, what did I miss?” I said as I tossed my pouch and saddlebags by the door.
“Uh…Boss?” said Fall, looking down and with ears drooping. “I…uh…I broke the racer.”
“You tried to add a condenser, didn’t you, Fall?” I asked.
Fall’s head and ears snapped up. “How’d you know, Boss?”
“Just a guess. Anything else?”
“Actually, there is,” said Fall and, taking my left forehoof, pulled me to the workshop office. Neatly arranged on the desk were three order forms.
“Does the railroad want more spikes?” I asked, picking them up.
“No, sir, not exactly,” said Fall, looking very smug.
“Let’s see, Canterlot wants...two steam trucks?” I said, looking up in astonishment. I flipped to the next order. “And Hoofington wants three?” I looked at Fall. “What price did you ask?”
“20,000 bits each.”
“Whaaattt?!! Surely they didn’t agree?” 100,000 bits!
Fall just nodded and smiled while she hugged my left foreleg. “They did, they did! The Park and Rec department in Canterlot heard about our excellent quality and guaranteed, patented no-wood boilers. And the City of Hoofington representative said something about you having admirers at Smithson and Sons.”
Me? My favorite machine shop in all Equestria admired me? Well, now, wasn’t that gratifying!
“Uh, did you give a delivery date?” I asked, rather weakly.
“I told them each a year although I guessed we’d have the trucks finished by Year’s End.”
“Mmm, yes. And somepony gets a 10% sales bonus. You’re going to be one wealthy young mare, Fall.”
Still holding my foreleg, Fall just shrugged. “Look at the last one,” she said, gleefully.
“I’m not sure I dare,” I said, but flipped to it.
One steam racer. For Lord Cecil Duncan Albert IV, Earl of Outer Waterford. Fancy Pants, I thought. Right at the top of Burke’s Peerage.
“Price?” I asked as I held my breath.
“10,000 bits,” said Fall, laughing. “Can you believe it? His valet said somepony who was at the wedding mentioned the racer and Lord Cecil just had to have one. He gave me a down payment without batting an eye.”
My legs gave out and I sat down on the office floor.
“Fall. Fall!! Fall, you marvelous, brilliant, most excellent Apprentice! You’ve made us wealthy! I’m so proud of you!” I leapt up, grabbed Fall around the waist and twirled her around the office. Fall laughed and laughed, her head thrown back and both front hooves on my shoulders.
I put her down and kissed her nose. She looked sad for just a moment and she put her right front hoof against my chest. Then the sadness disappeared and she was usual cheerful, manic self again.
“I know, Mr. Apple, I know! Say, do you think we could add condensers to the steam trucks?”
“Hmmm, yes, indeed, Fall. And a brass ring around the pistons and brass sleeves inside the cylinder shafts. Now, then, let’s have a look at that racer. And tomorrow go ahead and order the materials we’ll need.” I looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “I assume you’ve already worked out the specs?”
Fall reached into the desk’s top drawer and pulled out a list. “Yes, sir!”
“Well done! Now,” I said as we headed for the workshop, “just what were you trying to do? Make an adiabatic wheel heat exchanger?”
We ended up installing a straight tube heat exchanger which was light enough not to slow down the car but effective enough to save around 40% of the water. I became so engrossed I lost track of time and only realized it was 4:15 because Mrs. Grass came into the workshop to welcome me back.
“Mr. Apple! Welcome back, sir,” she said, kissing me on the muzzle.
“Mrs. Grass, Paragon of Mares, I thank you! You are well?” I said, returning the kiss.
“Yes, sir, that I am. Did Fall show you the sales she made for the workshop?”
“Oh, yes, and I couldn’t be more proud of my intelligent and business-savvy apprentice.” Fall beamed with the compliments.
“Where is Mrs. Apple?” asked Mrs. Grass.
“Well, about that…Mrs. Apple decided we’d live at the farm for now. However, after Spring Planting I’ll come here most days to work. And I’d appreciate it if you and Fall would stay here, too.”
“Thank you, Mr. Apple,” said Mrs. Grass and I thought she looked relieved. Fall just nodded and I got the impression she wasn’t unhappy at all with AJ not moving in. Mares.
“Where are each of you for the next couple of weeks?” I asked.
“I’ll be at the farm helping Ma and my sisters,” said Fall. “Ma thought it best I…come home for Spring Planting,” said Fall, coloring slightly.
“Wise. Mrs. Grass?”
“I’ll go to my sister’s farm outside of Hoofington, Mr. Apple.”
“Mrs. Grass, does your sister have a family?”
“Yes, sir, two grown stallions, both moved away now. She’s a widow and lives alone. Her husband died in the War just like mine.”
“Well, if she ever decides to retire, why don’t you invite her to live here with you? That way you wouldn’t have to make so many visits.”
Mrs. Grass looked taken aback, then thoughtful. “Why, that’s a fine idea, Mr. Apple. I’ll ask her while I’m there. Thank you so much for suggesting it.”
“If she’s half the mare you are, Mrs. Grass, then it is I who would benefit,” I said, waving a hoof.
Mrs. Grass blushed slightly and nodded.
“Good, that’s settled, then. I’m off to Sweet Apple Acres. Close up on the 15th and I’ll see everyone on the 1st of Fourth.”
I kissed both mares again, dumped my laundry, repacked my saddlebags, and then trotted to the farm. I walked in and right away found myself in a pony pile of my new family who were all talking at once about the honeymoon. AJ had told them about the locomotive, too, which impressed Big Mac more than anything else.
After the greetings, we had a family meeting in the parlor about Spring Planting. AJ would use LuluBelle to plow and disk the back 40 for corn while Apple Bloom and I would use the manual plows and cultivators to prep the smaller planting beds for the cucumbers, squash, tomatoes, peas and green beans. Planting and staking those with Apple Bloom’s help was my primary job with secondary work helping AJ plant the corn. Big Mac got the rest of the plowing and cultivating which was less this year than last since some land would lie fallow. The last week we’d all work on planting the rest of the crops.
That settled, we had a fine supper, then all took a ceremonial walk to the cabin AJ mentioned. It was the original homestead from when the first Apples had arrived and it was a pleasant enough place with two rooms, a kitchen and a loft. I had just enough magic left to scour the interior. As the dust and dirt flew out the front door, my new family cheered.
“We’ll leave you, now,” said Granny, patting my muzzle. “Welcome t’ the family, Maker!”
I grabbed her in my front hooves and kissed her soundly on both sides of her muzzle. “You were right about waiting, Granny,” I said so only she could hear and she grinned.
AJ and I settled in and I checked the outhouse. Serviceable, I thought. No running water but there was a pump at the sink, so I made sure that was primed and that the sink drained. The bed was straw ticking and Granny had replaced it last harvest, so it was fresh enough. I asked AJ about lighting a fire but she said it was warm enough without it. I did start one in the wood stove so we could have some hot water for washing.
I lit the single oil lantern and set it on a table, then took one of the chairs. AJ kept pacing back and forth, planning our new house.
“…like to build not too far from here. I’m not sure yet what design I’d like, but maybe that new architect in town could help me choose. We’ll need at least five bedrooms and a biiiig kitchen….”
“AJ?” I asked.
“….and wire it for electricity, too, since I want one of those new-fangled waffle irons you can plug inta the wall…”
“AJ? I asked again.
“…you can have a study, I guess, although I don’t want bachelor quarters like at th’ workshop…”
“Heather!”
AJ stopped pacing with one hoof raised. “What is it, Hon?”
“You have our lives well-planned, I see. Did you ever intend asking me what I thought of all of this?” I asked as lightly as possible.
Applejack looked stunned, then drooped all over; ears, mane, tail and even her hat drooped. Tears started leaking down her muzzle.
“I done it again, didn’t I? Granny warned me about bein’ bossy after we was married. Even my friends have told me I’m too bossy. I’m a terrible wife, aren’t I?”
I got out of my chair, took AJ’s muzzle in both hooves and raised it to look at me. “Honestly, AJ, you take criticism so personally! Of course you’re not a terrible wife. You’re used to working alone, though, and have a, shall we say, well-defined personality. I know you only want what’s best for us but I’d appreciate it if you remember you’re part of a team, now. I’ll help you along with the occasional reminder until you get used to it.”
AJ stopped drooping and threw both hooves around my neck. “You’re such a good husband, Ben. What did I ever do to deserve you?” she said, her mouth next to my left ear.
I hugged her back. “I’m the one who got the most out of this marriage, dearest.”
We kissed, then AJ went to pour some water in the wash basin and clean up. I read in the Encyclopedia, then when AJ called, went to wash up myself.
“I’ll see you in bed, Partner,” said AJ with a wink. “And bring that book Shining Armor gave you, would ya?”
I grinned and washed up, tossed the water and then hung my wash towel to dry on a rack in the kitchen. I found the Ponysutra and carried it and the lamp into the small bedroom.
“Page 12 looks interesting,” I said as I flipped to it and held it up. “What do you think?”
AJ was sound asleep already. Unsurprised, I put the book on a dresser, blew out the lamp and went to bed myself.