Chapter 12:
“Oh come on… Pleeeaaasssseeee?” Jackie asked for like, the umpteenth time. Naturally, I declined with a subtle, “No.” And she berated me even more with the deadly persona of… The Cute. Granted, I buckled under the weight of her teal eyes, and sighed with a vengeance, swerving the car we were in so we could go to the damnable carnival place, but know that being cute, can topple mountains and destroy the most sturdiest of men
I'm not a very sturdy man, nor am I a mountain. So please, don't laugh.
The carnival was your average Gopher. Y’know, go for this, then you go for that, just a few simple rides here and there, and everyone's favorite, the Ferris Wheel. Well, we parked into the lot and got out to speculate whether or not we wanted to go in.
Quite frankly, I was scared sh-ytless of clowns, and Jackie… Her with her… Ginger-No-Soul… was legitimately afraid of nothing. And no. I'm not a ginger, people. I'm a brunette thank you very much.
Jackie hopped out of the small vehicle and pointed immediately, “I wanna ride the teacups.”
I laughed, “Pfft-Yeah. That's all you squirt.”
She then looked at me with hollowed eyes, “You're coming with me.”
My...soul…NEEEEWWWWW, “Alright fine! Jeezus… Can't I like, go get fat eating a hotdog while you piddlefart your way around this stupid place?”
Jackie giggled, (Which threw me into a, I thought she was gunna kill me, loop), “C'mahn… Ya know ya wanna do it.”
I kinda don't. Can't I have a say in this?
“No. Before you do it, you can't have a say in it.”
I threw my finger out, “YOU ARE A DEMON!!”
Jackie all but winked at me, “Race ya to the teacups.”
And then she took off like a bat outta hell. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if she actually were a bat outta hell either. But that's Jackie. Tiny Sister/Demon child/Other Bane of my existence.
Our relationship, was based solely on, either you give me this, or I will take it… With my cuteness. And I loved her for it.
O.o.O.o.O
“Woah! I can see the Ferris Wheel doing loop-de-loops!” Jackie commented, tittering as she did twirls from how dizzy we were. Me? I was still strapped in the ride looking like an ass with a corkscrew for a head,
“Oh…that's great...hurghh!!…lets uh… Let's not ride the teacups again…”
Jackie landed on her tush with a smile of genuine content, “Alright. Fine. Hey! How about one of those cool little games where you win something silly?”
I tried checking my watch, but it was like the clock was slapping me in my face, so I made up an excuse, “Look Jackie… Dad needs us home in a little bit. Might have to start heading that way.”
But her response was quick, “Eh. It's like a few minutes away! One game.” She finished with a finger held up.
Dammit… Me and my… “You talked me into coming in here… Talked me into riding the teacups…” I sighed as I stood wobbly, “What's one game, then. Fine. You pick.”
Jackie frowned with determination. Honestly, it looked like that rage face. But that was just my two cents, “I want to play that one. Please?”
I like how she added please at the end of it. Anyone ever notice how like, your belly swims with awe when someone says please? I mean, unless they're trying to ask for money. Then that's when I get pissed.
Jackie had collectively screwed my day when she gestured to the simple game of, Hit The Balls!
Oh stop being dramatic might you say? Well take it into consideration that I'm not a very good thrower. Case in point, when we stepped up to the plate to play, the guy who operated the game specifically told us to, aim straight.
My aim was a like a bendy straw. End result was Jackie’s targets knocked over, and a very mad sister. But, (and this is where I become awesome), although we lost, Very badly, I helped Jackie earn her prize. There were stuffed tigers, a few koala bears, there was even a panda thrown into the mix.
Jackie, wanted the pony hanging all alone on the stand. Don't question her logic. Seriously don't. Actually, don't even try to guess as to why the vendor had the thing hung up. I felt like I was Gru off of Despicable Me, and Jackie was Agnus… How do you even spell her nam-
Anyways, I technically won the pony, so yeah, fuck off. And while you're at it, bring me the brother of the year award, it'll make me feel even more brattish. So, sister picked up the Unicorn from my hands and just stared at it. Seriously expected her to scream, It’s So Fluffy!, but it didn't happen, so now is the time to say ‘aww…’. No. Instead, she poked its nose, allowing it to let out a humorous squeak.
Afterwhich, she smiled, flipped it in her hands and after looking at me, Jackie let out the most adorable-
>>AHHHHHHHH!!!<<
O.o.O.o.O
Why is it, that suddenly I'm getting the chills? I've never had a moment to date, as to where I felt my blood run icy. It was as though we were in a horror flick, and someone just got murdered in front of us. Albeit could be a scream has the same effect as seeing death, but the two are pretty close.
On top of that, I'm suddenly getting vivid flashbacks of my sister for some unapparent reason. Which is extremely awkward, and a very sore subject to bring up. And why that memory above all others? It could've been the time I rode with her to school, or maybe the one when it was us as a family.
I guess in definition, I only got to see most of what I wanted to see. It was like I was Isaac Clarke off of Dead Space, and I only saw half off the video. And for those of you who remember that scare of a game, get the reference of why I couldn't bear to see what happened after that.
Shining had reacted first amongst the eight of us, taking off in a frenzy of calling out for his, to newly be wed. I put out the smoke I was inhaling and followed suit, pointing at the shocked ponies to stay put for the time being. Of course they wouldn't listen, but if worse came to worse, at least I'd save them the time to see something their innocent minds wouldn't be able to comprehend.
Trying to keep up with Shining was like trying to follow the episodes of Naruto, which confused me, and threw me into several loops as to where I would be wandering on a floor and look to my left to see Shining climbing some stairs.
Speaking of stairs… I must confess sincerely, that for a smoker such as I, trying to even attempt a feat of castle flights, is just… Let's just say, that if it weren't for the fact that Cadence hadn't been in some sort of trouble, I would've taken my sweet ass time.
And I guess I wasn't the only one hating it, as per there were a few of the assembled guards taking to the stairs via magic and or flight. For the earth ponies, I give my most sincerest and heartfelt pity. They stuck through the trials, and even lent me their shoulders, as I did to them. Met a new guard there named Coldhoof or a rather. Pretty heartfelt guy in the case of being lazy. If it turns out Cadence had just found a spider in her sock drawer, I might just hit this dude up sometime.
So I'll spare you the necessities and complaints I muttered to cohorts and equines as we, (We being Coldhoof and I), raced up the spiral staircase. As we'd reached the top in a backbreaking ten minutes, I ended up flopping onto the cold stone floor of the beautiful castle and heaved a simple phrase,
“I hate stairs.” Coldhoof agreed, him with his nod of blue hair, and at the same time, we departed henceforth in search of why there had been something happening.
We had to elbow our way past several dark blue and yellow armored guards just to even get to a corner of where Cadence stayed. Or at least that's what Coldhoof had told me. I turned a corner after following the speckled guard and had to bite my knuckle in depression as I saw the six menaces standing there with confused looks on their faces,
“Why did you just run off?”
Well I had a question of my own, “How did you get here before I did? I like, ran a marathon getting here!”
Twilight cocked her head as if it were quite obvious, “Magic?”
I scoffed, “Oh, great. Thank you, Mistress Sparkle, for exhibiting such a clear answer. Hey, why don't you be like a normal fucking pony, and USE THE STAIRS?”
Rarity was the one to back up her friend, mostly because she shared the same genome, and was a unicorn too, “Because magic is so much easier.”
I pointed at the dressed up pony, “Rarity, I will hit you with Jesus if you don't commit to silence.” Magic is the… Fat persons Jedi Force. Now watch as I levitate this remote from the table!
Heh… Well that shut her up very quickly. Not that I disliked the probability of doing so. I just needed something to take my mind off of…
“Cadence?”
Yeah her.
“Shining?”
Oh she's okay? Good for her!
My curiosity never seems to dwindle though. Maybe a cold shower would do it in? Regardless, I found myself swerving past the six ponies in favor, and had to slowly stand on my tippy toes to see that Shining had found his fiancé.
Now, I don't know what was more surprising, the fact that Cadence was okay? Or maybe it was the look on both of their faces. Both were pretty even, and Cadence being okay was slowly gaining favor as per the shock was dying away fast.
Even I had a little confusion. Why did she scream? I mean, damn, if it really was a spider in her sock drawer, then I needed to find Coldhoof. She'd gained the attention of over half the guards in Canterlot, what was the ruckus about?
Shining tilted his permed head, “You… Okay?”
Cadence had a distant look, for a moment, which immediately died away after Shining had spoken. I could see why he would ask though, she had some hairs sprung loose, and a weird look in her eye. But other than that, her bedlamp was knocked over, which by the way, she picked up using her magic.
As the green glow encompassed the lamp, Cadence cleared her throat, “Quite. Was just frightened is all. I can see your men are ready though. You've trained them well.”
Ah, the ol’ topic change. Shining noticed it too, and chuckled lightly, taking a moment to look behind him with a questionable smile, “Of course… But, they only came because they were needed. I was probably first here, why did yo-”
Cadence did not miss a beat. Although she skipped Shining’s, it was kinda funny seeing him interrupted, “My lamp fell over, nothing to worry about. Now if you'll excuse me.”
And like a fart, she disappeared, but her attitude lingered… Twas very sour I might add evasively.
“So… Just putting it out there, did we just… Oh I don't know, get beanboozled or something? Because I'm sensing some trollish vibes emanating from her chambers.” I said with a hint of concern creeping into my voice. It wasn't very often you'd find me caring. But I'm feeling as though hearing that cry of… Whatever it was, loosened a few pipes.
Shining's response was a curt, “Zip it, Tick. I'm not in the mood.”
I shrugged carelessly, “Well when is anybody?”
As the guards dispersed, Shining ended up bumping past me, “When you aren't around.”
Ouch. Like, for realz, ouch. I've seen it on TV, I've seen it in real life, but to have it done you, is way different than witnessing it. Way. Different. So you can imagine, that I was a bit stunned at first. But then, I realized, why should I be shocked? He's a fucking pony. Who cares right?
Eh. I've been wrong before.
Regardless, I scratched the back of my head and took out another cigarette. The dinner thing was next. And unfortunately, Cadence would be able to explain what had happened during such.
Or at least that is what I had hoped.
O.o.O.o.O
We all sat in silence. If I were to say anything about how the meal had been going, I would say that it was meant for vegetarians, and for the cooks to suck my ass. Although I wasn't a salad person, and salads are a… Mutual Relation on uneven territory, I wish… Just wish I had some chicken or bacon bits to put in the damn thing.
It was just leaves and carrots with a lemon on the side just to make the food seem fancy.
There was idle chatter between several prestigious guests, those of which I did not know. They were high in social class, based off of their tongue and garments to match. The higher ups sat around the turntable in different spots. And being the rulers of the Kingdom, Celestia and Luna sat on opposite ends.
Humored enough, Luna looked more tired than the tread on a truck. I sat about in the middle, between one of them, and next to Pinkie. Which was nice, because occasionally, I'd pass my food to her plate when she wasn't looking.
Her face=Priceless.
Every so often after seeing Pinkie blink about a thousand times, I would listen in on the conversations being thrown about. Technically, this dinner was called forth because of Celestia’s nervousness towards Pride. But at the moment, it was in favor for being around friends, and cohorts of the kingdom.
“Hoity… Did you go to see the…the ahh... Oh bother, what was it called.” Said an older pegasus/posh-ass. She had started talking, brainfarted, and looked over to her husband or at least I assumed, who, without looking up, commented slowly, “The Wonderbolts, dear.”
Heh… Oh my god, this action of speaking, “Oh, yes! The Wonderbolts,” She used her hoof to spoon some more lettuce into her dainty mouth. It was funny actually. So, imagine the Aristocats movie, right? Okay, the old lady, who owns the cats in the movie is who is speaking.
Or if you are much younger, and haven't seen such a childhood movie, imagine ‘Q’, from James Bond. Both are hilarious, and the dialogue was that much more to crack up about. Thankfully I didn't though.
“-It seems Spitfire has yet delighted us again this year.” The older pegasus finished smiling. I mean. She's a pegasus. All pegasi are extraordinarily brash in nature. Case in point, Dash down the table. Twas odd however, she was quite quiet. Haven't heard a peep from her since we last battled verbally.
The one who the higher lady had been talking to… Hoity was it, chuckled with a nod, “Yes, she added a certain… Flare to her work. She won't admit it, but, I do believe she has a unique talent.”
Hoity looked weird. Kinda set me off as a person, well in this case pony, who would yell at you if you fixed his egg wrong. But his sharp purple-velvet hair and stylishly glamorous glasses, kept my punching-in-throat urges at bay.
I piped up from my food selection, choosing this moment to cross my hands and engage myself into the inner workings, that of a conversation, “And what might that be? If you don't mind me asking of course.”
Every face, EVERY FACE, turned to me. I broke all their necks, basing it off of just one question. I don't understand how they hadn't noticed me at first, but, now they have, and now they have a much more simpler question in mind.
However, Hoity smiled and said with a Coup de Grace, “It is that of flight, dear sir. Art captivates somepony by their eye… Or…”
I poked a fork towards the pompously dressed pony, (You can berate me later if you get that pun), “Their ear.”
“Precisely!” He concerned the group with a flare, “You… Are a finder of arts, I presume?”
I smirked, “Only Musical.”
There was a weird looking unicorn down the way who, at the time, I had noticed several times before in my stay in Canterlot. His name, was Fancy Pants, as Shining had greeted him before the ceremony of eating began. Now, I will say this, and only this time.
If I hear, one more fucking name like th-
“Oh? Have you heard of Octavia Melody then?”
I will let him interrupt my train of thought because of his awesome mustache. He had to have mustached me a question… Other wise I wouldn't have answered.
...Celestia answered for me,
“I'm afraid not, Fancy. Tick is new here.”
Fancy looked at Celesta in surprise, “Indeed?”
Celestia snickered, “Quite. He is a peculiar one-”
Alright… I'll give her that…
“-he can be a tad squarish at times.”
Only known me five days, and already making assumptions. I thought whilst drowning my sorrows into my cup. And I'm not squarish… Technically I'm a circle.
Celestia then decided to add with her own statement inside her own cup, “But he can be trained.”
Cue me spewing my delicate pony water out of my mouth and onto the pony table, across a pony face, inciting several pony gasps and causing me to think about a few gentle pony deaths.
Overall, I think I surprised everyone with that gesture, so I decided to say with a shrug, “Sorry, Forgot how to swallow.”
Remember ‘Q’? Oh I laughed aloud when she leaned back in her chair, stating, “I do say!”
I chuckled with a small intent of humor. Unfortunately, I feel as though Celestia meant to say that for me to hear. There was no crease for her to fold, and it was too late to ball it up, and throw it away,
“You calling me a pet?”
Shining groaned a little, “Haystacks…”
Celestia set her cup down, “I said no such thing.”
“You just did.”
“I did not.”
“Yeah. You did.”
Dash blinked, “Dude.”
“Fuck off. You did.”
“Did not.”
“You did.”
Celestia giggled, “Did not.”
I pointed accusingly, “DOTH THOU DENY MINE OWN CLAIMS?!”
Celestia stood and played my game of accusing, “I DO.”
“THEN WITH THE POWER WITHIN ME, I CALL THEE GUILTY!”
“UNDER WHAT CHARGE?!”
I said with gusto, “GUARDS! ARREST THIS PRINCESS!” Little known fact, there were no guards around at the time. So in principle, I made a false claim and was yelling at a furry wall.
Twilight spoke up from halfway across the table, “Tick. Seriously?”
I tossed a dirty napkin at her, watching it bounce off her nose with a squeak, “SILENCIÓ! I shall deal with you later…”
Luna also had to speak up, “Honestly came out here to eat my food… Have a good time… Wake up…”
I raised my hand in the air, “There will be time for that soon Luna! But now…” I said with glaring eyes, “I shall find a way to instill fear within Celestia.”
Cadence liked the idea for some reason, “Oh! That sounds like fun!”
We all kinda looked at her as though she were an alien, which made her clear her throat in askewedness, “Uh...ahem...right…”
I was about to go back to tripping head over those things on our feet, when Celestia had just so happened to cut me off. I was disappointed for about three seconds, and realized my emotions held no sway over the ponies of Equestria. So I was at quite a moot action if I gave pouty eyes.
“That's enough.”
I am throwing it on the table that those two words, (three if you count the contraction), silenced any forethought immediately, “Yes ma'am.” I added with pursed lips.
Celestia smiled, but held concern as she somehow does, “I brought you here in a hurry because of something that happened a fortnight ago.”
Luna added tiredly, “It was quite a page turner, that one.”
I believe it was just her sleep talking, so Celestia continued, “Tick, I must ask,” She leaned forward with a brow raise that Sherlock Holmes would be proud of, “Just what did you find out?”
“Oh. So I'm not in any sort of trouble.”
The onlookers and pretty much everypony said, “Nay.”
I almost split my ass in half trying not to laugh. So I settled on a short outburst of chuckles, and tried to contain my composure,
“P-pfft! I’m.. Heh… I'm sorry, I don't think you understand the concept of that joke…”
I received several grounding looks, and stopped quite abruptly, “Oh. Well. *ahem*, Right. So, you do know Rainbow messed her flight about a day ago right?”
Dash spoke without looking up, “Technically,”
I pointed, “Technically nothing dammit. It was funny, and you know it.” Ruffling my jacket a smidge, I cleared my throat, “The story goes, Dashie took a plummet and ended up in the hospice for a day or two. Now…”
I clenched my teeth and shook my head, “There was a period of before she nose dived, and after, of where I think, I saw the same pony. That's the only ermagerd in this factor for me.”
Celestia said slowly, “Pride.”
“Yes. She gave me these cigarettes.” I smiled widely, “She's alright in my books.” It isn't food, but hot damn.
Luna yawned, “Mm, not in ours. See, we have a bit of history with Pride.”
Celestia nodded, “We don't. Our parents did.”
Twilight asked studiously, “And how does this affect us?”
Celestia smiled, but underneath that pristine white fur, I could see that this was forced, “Well…” She chose her words after blinking a few times, “Tick,”
I lifted my head from slumping in my chair, “That's m’ name.”
“Where you come from, what are your grievances against your kind?”
Wait. What does she… “What do you mean?”
The higher ponies looked just about as confused as I did. Me probably more so, because this involved me. Not them. They were basically background noise, and I was what played them on occasion. In short, Applejack, admittedly, helped me a small amount by scratching her forehead,
“Yeah, what’re ya gettin’ at princess?”
Celestia sighed through her nose as she trained her eyes on me, “Alright.” She then transferred her gaze to the ponies at the table, “Tick, if you haven't seen them in… How do you say, ‘action’, yet, then these right here are the Elements of Harmony.”
I lifted a finger, “No, see, I got that. The titles and all that schmuck.”
Luna giggled, “They aren't just titles. Quite literally, these six embody the spoken Elements.” The princess of the night leaned forward, “Because everypony here knows the story except you, I'll make it brief.”
I argued, “Did you just refer to me as-”
“Dumb? Oh very much so.” Said the trollish pony, “The Elements of Harmony are what keeps us in check. Every second of the day, every minute of the hour. Whether you believe it or not, these six, hold more power than Celestia and I combined.”
Celestia spoke up from the end of Luna's little dumb story, “It's what saved Luna from insanity.”
Shining chuckled as he got into the conversation, “And they're the ones who stopped Discord.”
Before anyone. ANYTHING. Could continue, I paused them with a hand raised, “Okay. That's fine and dandy. So when I'm feeling all giddy and kind, I can blame it on Fluttershy, and Pinkie. Fantastic.” They thought I was finished, but I wasn't, SO HA!
“What does this have to do with Pride.”
Celestia opened her mouth to say something, but was halted by Hoity and Fancy Pants standing, both excusing themselves from this moment, and taking the rest of the guests with them. So much for background noise…
“Imagine a scale. In the middle, is Equestria. On one side, you have the Elements of Harmony. Who, like Luna described, keep everypony balanced on a positive side. Anything that happens to them that is a good result is their fault,” said Celestia.
I started slowly, “And on the other?”
Everyone was quiet. Which, by the way, racked all sorts of nerves, so as soon as one of us spoke, it was like blowing an airhorn up my ear canal,
“The Elements of Chaos.”
Le Gasp!
Everyone was stunned, albeit Celestia and Luna because hey, you can't fucking surprise supreme leaders of a country that probably doesn't even exist. So, what I was getting, was there are Elements that counteract other Elements. At least, that was what my theory was.
As Celestia began, you could very well see everyone tense up in nervous anticipation,
“Discord, as some of you have already known, at one time almost collapsed everything we had set out to do in our immediate futures. And in one era of time, Luna and I thought that the only way to end his reign, would be to find peace in it all.”
Luna sniffed, “So we decided to dig up some old stones and call them special.”
Celestia snickered, “Which worked in a way, since the stones were indeed, very special. And because of such, we held the upper hoof.” As she continued, the rant became more of a memory as the teller's eyes slowly became glossy, “But that secret didn't stay hidden, as per you can't hide something that big from a chaotic god.”
Well put. “It actually wasn't our fault.” Luna threw on the table.
Celestia sighed, “Regretfully, it cost the lives of several innocents. But not only did we find the Harmonic Stones…”
I cocked my head, “But you found the Chaotic ones too… So… Pride, is actually a Chaotic Element?”
Celestia nodded, “Yes. And has been for decades.”
Twilight looked confused, and spoke because of it, “But I thought… Well you know, when a bearer passes, the Elements choose another. How come you say Pride has been one for centuries.”
Interestingly enough, I could kinda see where this was going. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm just a regular guy from a depressing little Ho-dunk town in the middle of nowhere. I don't see much action, don't do shit on a daily basis, but this seemed familiar somehow.
So as she finished that little statement, I quickly put out, “Chaotic magic. Y'all basically have the animalistic versions of the seven deadly sins...”
Eyes on me. Hate that feeling. God dammit, “Grievances against my kind… Balance. Chaos. Its unpredictable.” I raised a brow, “What are the other Elements, Celestia?”
Cadence was the one to answer short mindedly, “They would be… Anger, Lust, Fear, Deception-”
Luna then ended the phrase, “Solitude and Pride.”
Tick gets the pairings. Tick ships the hell out of them. Tick is really fuckiNG SCARED RIGHT NOW, “Polar opposites of Harmony.”
Dash interrupted, “So how come he gets where this is going, and we're all stuck in a loop?”
I leaned back in my chair, “Because you got tricked into your almost fatal incident… Celestia, you said Pride has been… Well Pride for quite some time. Is it the same for the others?”
She nodded. Which is a bad sign. Very bad. MUCH BAD. BECAUSE ME, THE HUMAN IN THIS EQUATION, SEE'S THE DAMN HORRIBLENESS IN ALL THIS.
Pinkie grew loud, “So what's this gotta do with Tick? Any of us really?”
Celestia sucked in a breath, “Well, if you said you saw one of them the other night, and they almost killed Rainbow Dash. Then there is a fair chance that they might stir up some problems. However…”
Oh no. I don't like where this is going. See, shit got real when Celestia narrowed her eyes towards me. ME.
“Tick is the unbalanced one in this problem. You told Luna, Pride was able to interact with you. Not many ponies could walk away unscathed.”
I nodded, “But I'm not a pony.”
Luna raised both brows, “Rainbow Dash is.”
“Yeah, but she is the Element of what-the-fuck ever. She shouldn't have been able t-” Realization in three, two, one…
Bitches don’t want to stir up no trouble. Bitches want Tick.
…
………
Tick don't like the bitches…
O.o.O.o.O