//------------------------------//
// Chapter 4 
// Story: You Shall Go To The Gala 
// by Purple Patch 
//------------------------------//

“I had a feeling this would happen eventually. I did recommend the Countess keep her niece here a while longer”
With his mild tone, effete mannerisms, flawless politeness and calm, considerate expression, Doctor Bittersweet could easily have been mistaken for a good-hearted pony.
At least until one saw what he was capable of doing to those in his power.
The visitor did not like the stallion.
But then he’d never really liked doctors in general.
One too often they ruined a carefully-planned murder.
One Doctor in particular he had taken great issue with.
Outside Bittersweet’s clean, presentable office, the screams and pleas of his ‘patients’ echoed throughout Glanders Gate Asylum.
“So do you have the reports?” The visitor paced before the doctor’s desk idly “Or have I had a wasted journey?”
“No journey to a hospital is wasted, Mr Cascadius” The gaunt unicorn pressed a button the microphone upon his desk.
“Matron Hellebore” He asked “Would you please examine the archives for the earliest psychiatric report on Miss Irregular Kaleidoscopa Glass and send it to my office?”
“At once, Doctor” An old mare’s voice replied through the microphone as Bittersweet sat back, satisfied. He looked back at his guest.
“Can I get you anything to eat or drink, Mr Cascadius?”
“I’m fine, thanks” the guest replied, glancing to the side-wall as the wails of a nearby ‘patient’ grew loud enough to hear.
“Please! Please let me go! I’m not crazy! I didn’t do those things! I’m just scared and I want to go home!”
Bittersweet tilted his head and Cascadius had a hunch he was rolling his eyes but behind those dark round glasses, it was hard to tell.
“Oh dear” he murmured with concern “It looks like Miss Foxglove is getting rather hysteric again” He fumbled at the microphone.
“Orderly Canker Sore, could you please check on Room 3?”
“I’m already there, Doctor” A relaxed-sounding stallion replied before talking to his patient in an eerie manner.
“Shh...Shh...It’s alright, I’m here, let’s calm you down”
“No! No, no more! Not you! Don’t touch me! Don’t-AIIIIIEEEE!” The sounds from the cell ranged from screaming to babbling and finally a dreadfully emotionless moan.
“Ah good, parathion therapy, that should calm her nerves” Bittersweet said this to himself before switching the microphone back on.
“Very good work, Orderly Canker Sore”
“Thank you, Doctor” He was breathing heavily into the microphone “May I...stay with her a while...to calm her...help her relax?”
“By all means”
The voice gave a faint giggle and grew distinctly more menacing.
“Mmm...Thank you, Doctor”
The microphone switched off and Bittersweet looked back up from his desk to see Cascadius eying him, one eyebrow raised, unimpressed.


“You know, Doc, you could earn a lot hiring out your staff to some of the less compassionate Zebrican Warlords. I reckon you’d have their prisoners spilling their guts in moments”
Bittersweet looked offended.
“Mr Cascadius” he said sternly “Glanders Gate Asylum is a place of healing and learning. Always has been. Here we push boundaries and examine each and every problem the mind can suffer” She rested his thin hooves upon his desk and spoke and acted as though he were in a lecture theatre.
“Mental deficiency causes only pain. It is best for those who possess it to realise that”
“So you give them pain?”
“Precisely. These ponies possess free-will and the ability to think, even partially. Their minds are like that of a foal, perfect learning environments and abilities. A foal is beaten and so learns not to steal cakes. The application of penalty and insight applies in a very similar way. Through these methods, they will learn to control their unfortunate habits and grow out of their waywardness”
Cascadius paused.
“I think it’s a little more complicated than that”
“Nonsense. ‘Simple methods for simple minds’ That is our philosophy here at Glanders Gate”
Like the paymaster, Bittersweet was used to smiling when a pony really shouldn’t.
Cascadius was not smiling. He looked thoroughly bored.
“Right well, thanks for that enlightenment, Doc. Is your matron going to take all night? Because I need to be back in Canterlot in about two hours”
“Please be patient, Mr Cascadius. Matron Hellebore works as hard as she can. So...” he sat back down again “Will the Countess be sending her niece back here in time?”
“That seems to be the plan”
“Ah excellent. I have so often worried for poor Irregular. Such a young mare with such unfortunate habits. I tried to get her out of her peculiar behaviour, adjust her. I could’ve done it, you know, given time and resources” His voice seemed intermixed with what sounded suspiciously like desire, or perhaps longing.
“I really could’ve fixed her”
“Well you might get your chance sooner than-” Cascadius paused and grimaced as various cries and wails pierced through the walls of the office.
“Listen to me! You need to believe me! I don’t hear the ringing anymore!”
“Please just let me see my baby! I’ll come back, I promise!”
“Get them off me! Please! They’re crawling all over me!”
Scowling, Cascadius poked his head out the office and slammed on the open door repeatedly. The door was metal and resounding and the noise blotted out all others.
“DO YOU MIND?!” he bellowed in a manner that sounded not so much angry as mildly irritated “I’M TRYING TO TALK!”
The noise subsided slightly as Cascadius closed the door and sighed.
“That’s better”
The Doctor pursed his lips, eying the paymaster.
“I would prefer you not disturb our residents, Mr Cascadius. They are fragile individuals and their therapy must not be interrupted”
Cascadius should have appreciated the irony but it was honestly too easy.
“Whatever you say, Doc”
The door opened and a heavily-built puce-coated mare in a nurse’s gown, stained with blood and other substances, lumbered in with a 	sheet of paper in her hoof and spoke.
“The report on Irregular Glass as requested, Doctor”


*


The strangely sonorous, if shrill, call of a Phoenix making an early morning flight outside the palace awoke most of the higher city’s denizens. In the School For Gifted Unicorns, located close to the Royal Palace, the halls were becoming alive with the comings and goings of scholars, professors and masons.
In the guest dormitories, Derpy opened her famous mismatched eyes but still resolved to save getting up for later. The simple luxuries of a warm bed and a gentle wake-up had been denied to her for a number of months and she was enjoying every moment of it as she snuggled under the star-patterned duvet with great pleasure.
Before she lost herself in comfort, Derpy checked on her foal.
In a small cradle next to her bed, Dinky lay snoozing, sucking her hoof, nestled under a blanket and cuddling her soft googly-eyed pony toy, both of which were treasured items of hers that they’d been forced to leave at their flat in Ponyville. The Doctor had brought them over just for her. The little foal gave off a tiny squeak, opened one perfect eye to look up at her mother and smiled contently.
Sharing that smile and waving a hoof, Derpy turned to the other side of her. In the bed adjacent, very close to hers, the Doctor was taking what must have been the first time Derpy had ever seen the stallion actually sleep.
Beaming at the pony who had done so much for her and asked for nothing in return, the muddle-headed mailmare gave him a nudge and whispered gently.
“Good morning, Doctor”
“Snork-wha?” He sat up suddenly and growled, covering the top of his mane with his hooves “You can’t prove I stole that fez!”
The bizarre time-traveller was quiet for a moment then checked his surroundings.
“Okay...not Civil War Era Mareakkesh...good to know” He looked over and smiled “Ah, morning Derpy. I’m not wearing a fez am I?”
The grey pegasus underwent a bout of giggles, the scruffy brown stallion never failing to humour her and remind her that she wasn’t the only one in Equestria who got into unusual scrapes.
“No, Doctor, there’s no fez. It’s just you, me and Dinky”
“Fantastic!” The stallion relaxed on the bed, his forelegs showing he was wearing white pyjamas with faint blue and beige vertical stripes “How’s the little one then?”
Derpy looked over and saw her foal stretching out her little hooves and yawning.
“Aw...who’s a sweepy widdle muffin?” Derpy cooed, picking her up and placing her on the pillow beside her, between her and the Doctor.
“Hee...Da-Tah” she giggled, reaching out to her ever-cheerful guardian.
“Hello Dinky” he chuckled “How was your night? Good dreams?” He listened carefully to a babble of foal-talk and raised his eyebrows “Really? A library? With shadows that ate things?” he shrugged “Probably doesn’t mean anything”
“I really need to learn how to speak foal” Derpy sighed.
“I wouldn’t recommend it” the stallion replied “For a normal pony to learn it, they’d need to conk themselves on the head with a mallet, multiple times”
“Well,” the grey pegasus chuckled “I should be pretty close then”
“Aw, don’t be like that, love” The Doctor leaned over and gently nuzzled her cheek with his nose “You’re smarter than you think”


“Hey, hey, hey, what’s going on up in love nest city?!” The two late-risers jerked their heads towards the door as Lyra Heartstrings stood in the doorway, grinning from ear to ear.
“Lyra!” Derpy stammered “I-I-It’s not what...I d-didn’t...”
“No, really, don’t mind me! You two go right ahead” she chuckled “Shoeshine owes me ten bits”
“Leave it out, Lyra!” the Doctor grumbled “Derpy will find a Special Somepony when she’s good and ready”
“It’s okay, I’m just messing with ya!” the mint-green unicorn chuckled “I’m just here to tell you breakfast’s downstairs when you’re ready. And yes, Derpy, they have got muffins”
“Yay!” the mailmare cheered “We’ll be right down. Are you coming, Doctor?”
“Meh, why not. I’m gasping for a mug of tea”
Picking up Dinky under one foreleg, Derpy made her way to the dining hall, followed by the Doctor.
“Lyra?” she asked, concern in the mailmare’s voice “What did you mean about Shoeshine owing you?”
The unicorn blushed guiltily.
“Well...a lot of your friends kinda think...you and the Doctor...y’know...”
“No, not really” Derpy gave a clueless look towards Lyra who sighed.
“They think you make a cute couple”
Derpy was glad that the Doctor had walked on ahead as she stumbled on her hooves and proceeded to stammer and babble, a common practice for her when shocked and nervous.
“Wha! But...I...you...he...Doctor...and...how...me...and...m-muffins...wha...”
“Derpy, calm down” Lyra shook the grey pegasus by the shoulders. Derpy’s eyes rolled around a little and straightened themselves (Not quite in the usual sense but enough to make Derpy herself again)
“Huh?” she asked, puffing out her cheeks in thought.
“Derpy, its okay. Nopony wants you two to shack up if you’re not feeling it. We just think you two would be right for each other”
“I...I guess” the grey pegasus rubbed her foreleg in contemplation.
“I mean you’re both really quirky, you get up to a lot of crazy shenanigans and you both really care about Dinky. And let’s not forget, you two are living together”
“Well...” Derpy gave a small smile “I guess...I could try...but...”
“But?” Lyra smiled encouragingly.
“I mean...how would I ask him?”
At this, Lyra seemed downcast, hanging her head and wincing before continuing.
“To be honest, Derpy, I was hoping you could tell me”
“Wh-what do you mean by that?”
The mint-green unicorn took a deep breath.
“I need somepony special, Derpy” she said, her voice narrowly stopping itself from cracking “Seeing you and the Doctor dancing yesterday made me want somepony for myself that night, to dance with, to talk to, everything. I...I’m going to try it” She sniffed “When we get back to Ponyville...I’m going to kiss Bonbon and ask her out on a date”
“Really?” Derpy gave a startled flap of her wings.
“Yeah...or at least, I’d like to if I could work up the courage” Lyra sat down, grimacing “I thought if you and the Doc were already a couple, I hoped you could give me some advice on how to...approach her”
Derpy paused, looked at her dear, nervous, love-sick friend, and patted her on the head, smiling.
“Just be yourself” she said “That’s what she likes about you”
Lyra gave a begrudging half-smile.
“Yeah but, I mean...” she mumbled “If this goes badly...I don’t know if she’ll really want to be my friend anymore. I could take her not being attracted to me but I really couldn’t bear to lose her friendship. She was the first friend I ever made in my life. I could lose that!”
“Lyra. Bonbon would never stop being your friend, even if she wouldn’t be your special somepony” Derpy demonstrated all she’d learnt the other night about the importance of friendship and how it can help oneself in the hardest of times.
“And besides...” she chuckled “I’m surprised Bonbon hasn’t asked you out already”
The unicorn’s head shot up, her eyes wide.
“Really?” she cried “She’s...attracted to me too?”
“Oh yeah. Totally”
Derpy thought back to Last Hearth’s Warming Eve. When she dropped the tinsel box, Lyra had bent down to pick it up. The young sweet-shop pony’s gaze had landed upon the unicorn’s upturned flank and it hadn’t gone unnoticed by those present, not even Derpy.
Lyra perked up almost instantly.
“Okay...that’s...that’s great” she started laughing “Oh my gosh, that’s great!”
She took off, almost bouncing across the castle corridors.
“What’s she so happy about?” The Doctor asked when his companion had caught up with him.
Derpy giggled.
“I think she’s planning Bonbon a little surprise once she gets home” She paused and spoke earnestly to her time-travelling friend.
“Doctor...after breakfast...and before the custody case...I really want to see somepony here in Canterlot. If anypony asks...I’d rather you just say I went for a walk”
“Okay” The Doctor turned to her with an expression of sympathy “Do you want to tell me who it is you’re seeing?”


Breakfast was a fairly pleasant affair. Derpy was sat between the Doctor and a lavender unicorn filly who simply couldn’t be made to look up from her book. The book in question was a large tome detailing the Birth of Nightmare Moon and the Banishment of Princess Luna.
It didn’t bother Derpy. She simply made conversation with Colgate, Lyra and Pepperdance opposite her while the Doctor idly munched some baked beans on toast.
Something in his pyjama-top pocket vibrated and he excused himself momentarily, wandering into a quiet corridor and checking it.
It was a small communications device with a blue-light similar to his screwdriver. It was a home-made transceiver. He hadn’t come up with a better name yet but he’d left one by Derpy’s flat for ponies to contact him. If somepony had taken the time to figure out how it worked then they had something serious to tell him.
“Y’ello?” he asked.
“Doctor, is that you?” the voice of Nurse Redheart greeted him through the transceiver.
“This is him. What’s the problem, Nursie?”
“Thank Celestia. Doctor, we examined the body of the stallion who attacked Carrot Top, the ‘Echo Squad’ guy”
“What happened?”
“Some really weird curd, Doctor, that’s what happened!” The Nurse was breathing deeply.
The Doctor checked the corridor and spoke gravely.
“Tell me everything”
“Well the body had been...drained. Of his blood, I mean. Like almost completely. But we found no exit wounds. There was a deep puncture mark in his back right-fetlock but it was almost completely dry. Then we found some sort of contusion around his throat. We tried to examine it but...”
“But what?” The Doctor did not like how this was going.
“It moved, Doctor. The contusion was moving around his body, trying to stop us cutting it free until it made its way to the face” He heard her take a deep breath “It burst out of his eye, Doctor! It was alive!”
“What was it, Redheart? Tell me”
“A worm! A huge worm with three jaws, split open like flower petals! It crawled out and tried to bite Tenderheart so...I stamped on it. We’re keeping it in a plastic bag. Its head and tail are still mostly intact but I’m afraid I flattened most of the rest”
The Doctor winced.
“That’s not a worm, Redheart. It’s a Coldwater Leech”


“A what?”
“The Equestrians nicknamed them ‘Vampreys’. Great, slithering, water-dwelling parasites that can grow as big as snakes. Native to the aptly-named cold water bogs of Onageria. The ancient Black Goat Despots considered them delicacies. In fact, they used to lower donkey slaves into the bogs and then drag them out crawling with the things. Then they’d pick them off, one-by-one and fry them at their banquets. The slave usually died but they weren’t in short supply, let me tell you”
There was a pause on the other end of the commlink.
“Right...well...” Nurse Redheart sounded profoundly unwell “Much as I’ve enjoyed learning how lucky I am not be born in ancient Onageria, how did one of these things find itself in Ponyville Lock-up?”
“Because somepony put it there. When out of water, the Coldwater Leech slithers silently along the ground and attacks a nearby equine, burrowing under the fetlock, just above the hoof. Then it tunnels inside, nestles into a vital artery and proceeds to drink itself silly, depleting the victim of fatal amounts of blood in minutes. It takes mere seconds for the victim to become too weak to move or speak. It explains why nopony saw or heard anything. This was an assassination, accomplished by a professional, to make sure this stallion couldn’t betray his masters”
“But why?” Nurse Redheart asked, horrified “He wasn’t going to talk anywa-”
“Oh but he did” the Doctor interrupted “And even if he didn’t, failure is unforgivable in the Echo Squad”
“Yeah, Mayor Mare told me you knew what he was talking about, or whatever he gave away”
“Yes, I did”
“Are you going to tell me?”
“No” His tone was frank. Nurse Redheart gave a frustrated sigh.
“Why not?”
“Because if I do, whoever put that stallion in the morgue will come after you”
There was another pause.
“How would he know, Doctor?”
He closed his eyes in grim recollection.
“Because that’s what he does” He sighed “I’ll be back soon, Nurse. Tell the council to sit tight”
“Good luck, Doctor”
The transceiver’s blue light turned off. As the Doctor checked the coast once more, he was almost certain he saw a figure disappearing round the corner.
A long-forgotten sense of dread creeping across his mind, he swiftly made his way to the safety of the relative dining hall.
With the scruffy brown stallion’s exit, the corridor was quiet but for the intrigued chuckle of an unseen prowler.
‘Oh Doctor...you’re making this too easy’


*


“You’re quite certain these reports will suffice?” Countess Magnifying Glass was feeling restless from not having a crop to gesture with, tapping her hoof instinctively on the desk in her powder-room as her lawyer looked over the forms from Glanders Gate.
“Madam,” he began in a confident tone “I tell you now, if these documents bore Princess Celestia’s name in place of your nieces’, they’d send her highness away on the spot”
The Countess was unamused.
“I’ve lived with my husband long enough to know flattery when I hear it, my good sir” 
The lawyer glanced at Nitpick, who was in the room at the time, shuffling shamefully as his wife continued regardless.
“What would happen to the Princess is none of my concern. I’m not trying to mount a coup...not yet anyway. I simply want Irregular in my custody again”
“I’m sure these reports will suffice” the lawyer clucked “And if not then I did some digging in Cloudsdale and Ponyville. Your niece can be quite destructive, whether she means to be or not. We’ll have a solid case to go against her, don’t worry”
“Good. Perhaps you were worth the expense after all”
“I told you, my dear” Nitpick fawned “Mr Earwax here is very reliable. He has gotten me and my good friends out of many unpleasant scrapes in the past”
“Has he now?” she tutted “It’s not a lawyer you need, husband of mine, it’s a nanny. This stallion must have been getting rich off your weekly misdemeanours”
The lawyer stood up, smiling.
“I’ll admit, I’ve had my eye on a yacht at Golden Gavel’s Auction House for some time and I always know the Glass family to be generous ponies”
“Oh indeed” The Canterlot Lord Magistrate waffled “No fear, my treasure, you can count on us”
“Nitpick” Magnifying hissed, not bothering to look at him “I wouldn’t count on you if you were an abacus! Just do your damn job and for Equestria’s sake...and, for that matter, yours...stay out of trouble”
“Of course, my sweet, of course” Nitpick and Earwax left the Countess’s powder-room, bowing obediently before closing the door.
The two stallions glanced at each other as two soldiers who escaped an angry dragon’s cave with their lives would have done.
“Times were the stallion was the master of the house” Earwax muttered with a hint of derision.
“Times long before my wife was around” Nitpick grumbled.


*


The door to the Canterlot Council Chambers echoed with the sound of its Chairstallion making his entrance.
“Good morning everypony” he began with a confident briskness “How was the gala for you all?”
The council members murmured vague truths and potential praises.
“Excellent, the meeting is now in session. Chairstallion, Fancy Pants, in the chair, secretary Raven Inkwell taking minutes” he nodded to the ever-capable secretary who smiled at him and wrote at an amazing speed “Now then, to business” Fancy Pants slapped down his reports upon the desk as he took his seat “I trust you’ve been informed of last night’s incident involving the Glass family and the legal presentation it has caused?”
“Yes, we have, sir” Earl Grey, an aged and long-standing council member, one of the few Fancy actually put a great deal of trust in, spoke “Miss Inkwell informed us of all that transpired, let me just say, sir, job well done”
He and his colleagues gave their Chairstallion a modest round of applause.
“Really it’s nothing” The gentlecolt hushed them with one hoof “First we put this beast to rest, congratulations come later”
“Yes now, Mr Chairstallion, ah...” It was Jet Set who spoke, a stallion for whom Fancy Pants had little respect “Don’t you think you might be taking this a little too far?” He was chuckling, as if to suggest that what his Chairstallion had suggested was ridiculous.
“How exactly?” Fancy Pants adopted an unamused tone.
“Well, um...” It was certainly having its effect as Jet Set began to stammer nervously “I mean...well...w-we have the Glass family...a...a very proud and n-noble family...with a...a fine reputation. And this...Irregular of theirs?”
“Derpy”
“Pardon?”
“Her name is Derpy. You will call her Derpy. Is that understood?” The gentlecolt’s voice was calm but his eyes blazed behind his monocle.
It turned Jet Set’s hooves to jelly.
“Right, well...this D-Derpy...a d-distant relation? A wayward filly? C-c-content to put her d-duties and responsibilities aside for...for fooling around in Ponyville...hah...of all places?”
“Your point?”
“I mean, d-don’t you think you have your opinions somewhat...ah...wrong-way-round? Don’t you think it should be this...Derpy who should answer for these transgressions and the Countess...be the one to judge her?”
“No” Fancy Pants said, glaring daggers perfectly behind a neutral gaze “No I do not. Will that be all, Mr Set?”
There was a pause.
“Yes...yes, I...just...just thought I’d ask” Jet Set returned to his seat, taking care not to slip on his own sweat.


“Personally I wouldn’t put it past Countess Magnifying Glass to act in such a manner” Fine Line, a fussy but ultimately kind-hearted mare, spoke up “And I’m all for stopping her, honestly, but taking this matter further may cause unnecessary gossip. Relations between Ponyville and Canterlot might be affected, and not in a good way”
“That may well be the case but I’m afraid this is the only way this matter can be solved cleanly. And I’d rather it be solved before her husband, the Right rather-less-than-Honourable Lord Nitpick, can resume his place here in the council”
There was a general murmur of agreement, even from the likes of Jet Set. The scandal Nitpick had caused hadn’t looked good for any of Canterlot’s governing circles.
Fancy Pants continued
“Right. The Mayor of Ponyville, a Mrs Merry Weather, has sent me Miss Derpy Doo’s medical profile and career qualifications, all of which, they believe, sufficiently prove that she is a safe and stable pony, capable of running a house and raising a foal. I’m forwarding copies to each of you”
“What do we do with them, sir?” the lively mare, Primrose, asked.
“I am expecting the Countess or her representatives to send me their own details, no doubt labelling her niece as a dangerous lunatic to be locked up. I’d like to examine and compare both cases and label inconsistencies”
“Sir, don’t you think that’s clerk work?” Jet Set objected.
“Yes, I do, Mr Set. However many of those clerks are friends of Lord Nitpick. I’m not sure we can trust them at this stage. In any case, I shall be meeting the Glass family’s representative in a matter of hours. Miss Inkwell will be taking minutes and you may bring your conclusions to the next meeting this evening. I’d like this matter taken care of as quickly and efficiently as possible and if we all pitch in, that shouldn’t be too difficult”
“Understood, sir” Raven Inkwell nodded as the council departed.
Fancy Pants was all set to find Fleur and buy her breakfast before Earl Grey tapped him on the shoulder and spoke in hushed tones.
“I’d be careful, Fancy” he said “Allowing this Derpy Doo to go back home is all well and good, but the restraining order and who knows what else will have the Countess after your blood”
“The Countess is a worthless, self-interested disgrace to ponykind, Earl” Fancy Pants tutted “It’ll be my duty to the Princess and to Canterlot to make sure she gets exactly what she deserves”
“Fancy”
The old stallion put a hoof on the gentlecolt’s shoulder in a way that almost seemed desperate.
“Don’t underestimate her”
Discomforted, Fancy Pants simply nodded and left, leaving the aged noblepony reminiscing things he did not enjoy seeing again.
‘Please, Fancy, my boy’ his thoughts began to beg ‘Don’t end up like they did’


The office they’d chosen to begin the custody battle was cold at this time in the morning. They were surprised the ink hadn’t frozen.
Fancy Pants glanced at Raven Inkwell whose teeth were chattering slightly.
He removed his jacket and placed it round her shoulders.
The young secretary gave her Chairstallion a smile and a slight look of concern.
“It’s quite alright, dear mare” he said “On cold days like this one, I just think of winter rugby season at Trottingham Academy” He gave a shudder “And then anything seems warm in comparison”
The two laughed. In truth, the Chairstallion and Secretary were unafraid to call each other friends and often acted as each other’s eyes and ears in matters that concerned them. Raven Inkwell managed electoral votes, however, and when that happened, Fancy Pants would insist she remain completely neutral, even in the case of competition such as Nitpick.
Canterlot’s local government was made to ensure the nobility would be represented as a collective community. It was Fancy Pants’s wish that the council would also set a good example to that community, ensuring that rights and justice were indiscriminate in the capital.
This hadn’t gone down well with everypony.
The lawyer entered, a smug bottle-green-coated pegasus stallion with a slicked-back blue-grey mane and a sickening smile that  pulled up every muscle in his face. Fancy Pants knew the pony well.
“Mr Earwax” he said, the ‘Good morning’, ‘How are you?’ and ‘Have a seat’ was absent from his greeting.
“Chairstallion Fancy Pants” the lawyer began “How nice it is to see you again. Are you well?”
The gentlecolt did not smile. Honestly, Discord would’ve cared more about his health than Earwax.
“You’ve been informed of the matter at hoof, I trust?” Fancy Pants asked.
The lawyer gave a derisive chuckle.
“You imagine I would be here if I weren’t informed, sir?”
‘You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t paid a five figure sum, that’s for certain’ Fancy Pants grumbled under his breath.
“I am afraid my client could not appear this session” Earwax stated “Urgent changes to her schedule need to be addressed. She will, however, appear later this afternoon after the intermission”
“Rather narcissistic of her to believe she need not appear at her own court case” The gentlecolt scoffed.
“Mr Chairstallion, my client is an extremely busy and extremely important pony around Canterlot and most of the rest of Equestria. 	Often she must rely on individuals like myself to speak for her in matters concerning vague rumours such as this”
“Vague rumours?!” Fancy Pants looked ready to blast something into oblivion.
“Let me explain where everypony currently stands” Raven Inkwell piped up before anypony could get violent “The Royal Council Chairstallion, Fancy Pants, is pressing charges against Countess Magnifying Glass for the aforementioned crimes she committed at the gala”
“She was implicated to have committed, I think you mean, Miss Inkwell” Earwax said, smirking.
Raven ignored him.
“Whilst the council is presiding custody rights. We believe that Derpy Doo, or Irregular Kaleidoscopa Glass as the Countess calls her, is safe and sane enough to live independently in Ponyville where she will work as a mailmare and mother one foal, Dinky Doo. Whereas the Countess believes...” She held out one hoof, inviting the lawyer to voice his client’s outlook, bracing herself for something annoying.
“'Believes' is the wrong word, Miss Inkwell” Earwax declared “My client, Countess Magnifying Glass, knows that Miss Irregular Glass is an unstable and hazardous pony who simply cannot be trusted with her own life, let alone any other. Both she and her foal must be immediately transferred to her aunt’s care without delay and be presided by her and none other, where she will be safe from the outside world which will, in turn, be safe from her”
“I beg to differ, Mr Earwax” Fancy Pants said, sorely tempted to grind his teeth “Derpy Doo, contrary to certain pony’s belief, is not insane”
The lawyer said nothing. He simply produced a sheet, old and a little weathered, browning at the edges, out in front of them.
“Her medical report says otherwise”
“On the contrary, Mr Earwax” Raven produced her own sheet, or rather a set of them as Fancy Pants adjusted his monocle and compared the reports “Doctor Horse and Nurse Redheart of Ponyville Hospital regularly checked Miss Doo for any signs of major mental impediment. She was found to be perfectly capable of living without permanent assistance. These checks were frequent, at Miss Doo’s own wish, and it was determined that she was not insane or mentally retarded, merely attention-deficit and challenged of vision and reflexes”
Earwax gave a derisive scoff.
“Let’s be honest here, Miss Inkwell, Ponyville has little understanding of what constitutes an unsafe pony. Most of their community are barely sane at the best of times. Their facilities and abilities are substandard and their opinion cannot be counted on. The report I’m handing you is signed and sealed by trained professionals, unmatched in their field, who prescribed Irregular Glass as dangerous and unpredictable. Their word can be taken with a great deal more credibility than any of Ponyville’s so-called experts”
Raven Inkwell put down the quill momentarily for fear she might, purely by accident, set it on fire and bury it in the smug scumball’s eye.
Fancy Pants raised an eyebrow.
“I’ve never heard of this ‘Doctor Runny Mead’?” he said with distaste “And I’m not sure if half of these diagnoses even exist”
“Are you a stallion of medicine, Mister Fancy Pants?” Earwax asked smugly.
“My father was. He taught me all I need to know on how to recognise a dangerous pony and let me tell you sir, I recognise nothing dangerous about Derpy Doo. She’s a friend to all who know her, couldn’t bring harm to a pony if she tried”
At this, Earwax smirked, removing a bulging folder from his suitcase and set it down on the desk.
“I beg to differ, Mr Fancy Pants” he sneered “Have a browse of this file if you like. I did a little digging. This folder details damages to ponies and properties thanks to Miss Irregular Glass’s instability and that’s not even all of it. Taken from Canterlot, Cloudsdale...and Ponyville”
Fancy Pants and Raven Inkwell glanced at each other.
Suddenly their case didn’t look so clean.


*


Derpy and Dinky made their way to their destination largely unnoticed.
It wasn’t that they didn’t look different, it was simply that they didn’t stand out.
She was simply a nervous, grey pegasus wearing no garments or trinkets, carrying a wrapped-up child in a sling.
No noblepony thought she was worth noticing.
She arrived at the tall, clean building and showed them a key to anywhere in the building and most of Canterlot.
The Glass family seal.
This would always be the only place she could bear to use it.
A trim, quiet stallion in a white coat showed her to the room, opened the door for her and left her alone with the room’s owner.
Derpy Doo gazed at the pony before her.
Age had not been kind to him.
He was around sixty-five.
He looked more than ninety.
Last time she had beheld him, he’d been full of life, a round-bellied, cheery-faced stallion with rosy cheeks, a fuzzy mane, a broad, cheesy grin and a love of the great outdoors, always ready to burst into silly songs or talk for hours about nothing in particular.
His entire body seemed to have sagged. His mane hung from his head in wispy grey strands. His face was sunken and his skin hung loosely in jowls on either side of his mouth. His periwinkle-coat had gone blotchy with his deteriorating health. His twinkling eyes had gone rheumy and lined with heavy grey bags. His old tartan dressing-gown almost dwarfed him, wrapped around his body as if to hide him from the world outside.
He was sitting on a small chair and tending wistfully to a large collection of pot-plants arranged in the corner of the room.
Everything about him and his location looked so devoid of the life he’d so enjoyed in the past.
Struggling to comprehend the sight, Derpy cleared her throat.
“Hello”
The stallion raised his head slowly, as if it wasn’t worth the effort and blinked around with a lifeless vapidity smothering a spark of vain hope.
“Cylindrica?” he wheezed “Is that you? Have you come home? The girls have missed you so much”
Cylindrica. The name of his wife, gone from the world long before Derpy entered it.
She walked closer.
“No, no, it’s me, remember?”
The stallion squinted at the wall.
“Looking?” he asked, his voice like the whimper of a rusty hinge “Have you come to see me? It...It must be Looking. Magnifying never comes to see me...she...” His rheumy eyes beaded with tears “She never wants to see me”
He never called her Magnifying unless he was angry with her.
And he was never angry with her.
Derpy placed a hoof on his shoulder. Instantly, one of his own hooves held onto it. She didn’t want to think just how long it had been since somepony had touched him or talked to him.
“It’s me...” she said clearly, staring into his eyes “Remember? It’s Derpy”
The face on the old stallion  lit up with revelation but his pained and plaintive expression hung from him like everything else upon him.
“Derpy...” he whispered “I...I know that name”
“I know...” Derpy gave in to her own tears as she hugged the stallion, taking more care in holding him than she’d ever done with any package or parcel. She felt the old creature’s body quiver with sobs that matched her own.
“I’ve missed you...grandpa”