Well, here I am now.
It's a disconcerting thought to have. Most ponies would wholeheartedly disagree on that, but when you have lead a life like mine, the notion of knowing where you stand in your frame of existence was a little frightening. I had fell into and scrambled out of what should've been the lowest point of my life, yet the possibility that something more devastating might come my way in the near future terrifies me. Had my life ended somewhere there and then, back in those grueling moments, I might be in a greater state of peace than I am now. I could only chuckle, forcing myself out of those thoughts; something about long and tiring train rides always bring out the nihilism brooding in me.
If you'd ask me, Flash Sentry, on how my life is now, I'd answer that it has never been better, because really, these days were some of the best days of my life so far, no question. Every morning, I would wake up facing the sun, eager for another fresh day, with opportunities here and there ripe for the taking that might bring a smile on my face. My parents couldn't be happier with what I'm doing, even if all I'm doing is just aimlessly wandering around Equestria, much like how they had done back when I was still a foal. Wanderlust, it would seem, was an inheritance from my mother and nurtured with great care in my time as a royal bodyguard — a lovely gift from my father.
Some ponies roam with reason, though for me, I just roam to take in the sights and sounds that Equestria and beyond has to offer. I visited so many different towns, met so many different ponies and learned so many stories, I don't think even the thickest logbook would be enough to pen it all down. There were even times where I hoped a pony would just drag me back into the common life, just to give my spirit some time to settle down and take a breather. Pierce did that once, dragging me to the Crystal Empire to be his best colt at his and Beryl's wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony with many in attendance; the Princess of Love herself even personally overlooked the whole function. It really does show how much P.I. Swiftwind was adored and respected by the stallions and mares in the country, with the incredible and sometimes risky service he had done for so many.
This time, it was Thunderlane's turn.
Below the rim of the trilby hat my father handed down to me and the ultramarine scarf wrapped around my neck, I grinned at the intricately decorated invitation card; that dastardly colt somehow made sure it found its way to my hotel room in Fillydelphia. Sadly, I do not know anything more about Thunderlane and Cloudchaser as personally like I do Pierce and Beryl. What I do know is that a number of familiar faces would be attending as well, namely Pierce Swiftwind and Melody Mandegloire. It was to be the reunion of the ages, as the former pony quickly and audaciously announced, even though all four of us were present when he still played the part of the groom. Nevertheless, I'm more than enthusiastic about seeing them once again.
I'm a little less keen about the venue, however.
The words 'to be held in Ponyville Town Hall' at the very bottom really made me reconsider attending; it had been too long since I've stepped into the fabled town seated at the edge of the Everfree. I shouldn't be surprised that the wedding would be there anyway and I'm sure there would be more than just those familiar faces in attendance that I would like to meet. There were so many things I have left unanswered when I departed, so many words left unspoken and deeds left undone, that the mere presence of me at the wedding may inadvertently sour the whole service. Thunderlane must've known the possibilities that could occur, but he must've figured they were just what they were: possibilities. With possibility, comes probability, though I personally feel that it just wasn't the risk.
Five months.
Five wordless, soundless, thoughtless months.
Should my worst fears materialize, it was to be a wedding remembered for all the wrong reasons.
Craggy cliffs dulled into grassy plains, dense forests into scattered trees. I winced from the sudden glare in my eyes as the train rushed out of the tunnel, resuming my observation of the sun's slow but sure ascent to the abstruse peak in the sky. I was long numb to its mystique about thirty-something observations ago, these days frequenting it only because there was nothing else worth enrapturing my eyes. One might say it's a meandering and somewhat boring way to pass one's time. For a boring pony like myself however, that's really all he needs.
That, and a little less shifty glances from the rest of the passengers on the train.
I could hear them, those wary whispers and hushed gasps, though I feigned ignorance. Speculation was abuzz on this ride from all those who recognize me the moment I stepped onto the car while those who don't would be reminded about everything almost immediately. Five months of naught became five months of fuel, burning the hopeful candle bright once more, only for it to disconcertingly melt away, leaving nothing but a wax puddle of disappointment in its wake. For the moment, however, they shall have the chance to let the fire burn a little longer.
In all honesty, I wish for the same as well.
"Next stop, Ponyville. Ladies and gentlecolts, this will be the last stop on this train. Please ensure you have all your belongings with you when you step off the car..."
All roads lead to Ponyville, so the saying goes. Though I wouldn't say that for every road in Equestria, I believe it's appropriate when it comes to the railroads, seeing as most of the railroads end at Ponyville. Speaking of which, Twilight once mentioned that Ponyville is a town of endings, both figurative and literal, where all journeys conclude and stories come to a close. One can't deny that there is a darkness in those words, though I'd say it's all a matter of perspective. As with all endings, there were beginnings; conversely, Ponyville was a town of new beginnings as well, where all uncharted expeditions begin and fresh tales unfold. It's a town brimming with prospect and venerated as such, to the point where it was often sought after by the darker powers of the world. Ponyville was a town in betwixt and between, where the unlikeliest of change happens notwithstanding reason or rhyme, as those with a history to this place would know.
Perhaps it should only be fitting that my months of roaming should end here.
"Well, look who it is."
There's no hiding a smile — or anything else, for that matter — from someone as sharp-eyed as Melody Mandegloire. With gentle hearts and steady hooves, we wrapped each other into a hug the moment I stepped off the platform, with the mare giving me a contented pat on the back before separating. She had changed a little in appearance since the last time we met at Pierce's wedding, most evidently her vivid scarlet mane being tied back into a ponytail, though if one looked a little harder, there was a brighter glimmer in her eyes, while her cheeks, once creased with a scant solemnity, wrinkled with an unlikely yet refreshing shade of mirth. Apart from that, she had also recently quit smoking; these days, you'd find her chewing on some mints instead of having a cigarette in her mouth. It's a nice, refreshing change that's sorely needed, for her sake.
"It's good to see you again," she stated with a plain smile. "Now that I look at it, you look pretty good with the goatee."
I withheld the urge to laugh, my hoof reaching to brush the extra tuft of hair growing on my chin. "Think I've grown a little attached to it too," I added. "I planned to shave it off before coming here, actually."
"Well, I believe it makes you look more dignified. A splendid little touch of maturation."
"I can't think of anything more exaggerating coming from your mouth than that."
"Hey, is it exaggeration when I dish out a compliment every now and then?" she pleasantly questioned, giving a rib into my sides. "Seriously, grow it out a little more and the next time I'll see you would be on some poshy lifestyle magazine."
I immediately gagged at that thought. Picture me, with the most pretentious, shit-eating grin gracing the words 'Equestria's Most Eligible Bachelor' in some zany font at the corner bombarding the readers' eyes with enough snark to make Rainbow Dash puke storm clouds into a bucket, and add the fact I got there somehow because of a small goatee hanging at the tip of my chin.
"That's... one way of convincing me to shave it off... you're convincing me to shave it off, aren't you?"
To that, Melody snorted with laughter, before giving me a playful shrug.
The walk to Thunderlane's house was short as it should be. We didn't talk much, mostly because there was no need to. Being two ponies who yearn for purpose before speaking up, neither of us felt inclined to engage in any small talk and we knew the other pony felt the same. I did wonder a little about the newfound gleam lifting up her cheeks, though I guess that's a question reserved for another time. Walking up to the household, my smile immediately widened when a couple trotted into view, the stallion of the pair suddenly raising his hoof when he caught me in his sights.
"And so he emerged from the depths of the unknown, his conquest of self-discovery finally coming to an end at the behest of his friend. Here it is, the one, the only... Flash Sentry!"
Two long groans from the mares and a chuckle from me.
"Good to see you too, Pierce."
"Sometimes, I don't know what I see in you," his wife sighed. "Do you really have to do that every time you two meet?"
"Oh, this tradition goes way, way back, but I wouldn't want to bore anyone with the details," he quipped, turning to Beryl. "Especially not the most beautiful mare in the world. It would be but a travesty to bore her now, wouldn't it?"
"I really don't know whether to love you or hate you right now..."
Pierce and Beryl, despite being near polar opposites to each other, were always delightful to watch when they were together. They bicker a lot over the smallest things, to the point where one might wonder how they could be in the same room with one another, much less get married together. I would say that it's just the way it is with those two. For them, a quick exchange of words, adjusted to a low flame, was their shared way of releasing their frustrations. It can be a fireworks show, watching the two of them go at it, with Pierce doing what he does best within the audacious realm of imagination while Beryl's source of strength lie in the very plane of reality where we stand. If there was anyone that would've gotten hurt from that, it's because they tried to step in. With them, it's best to keep your distance and just enjoy the view.
A piece of useful advice, coming from one in the royal guard.
"Leave it to Pierce Swiftwind to churn out four corny sentences per minute," Melody chortled. "You promised poor Beryl here the moment you lifted the veil that you wouldn't bring about that dramatic flair anymore."
"Well, what about you? Thought you said that coltfriend of yours was gonna show up?"
I blinked my eyes at that statement, which only widened when I noticed the attorney's flustered look. "Wait a minute, what's this about Melody's coltfriend?" I asked, curious.
"You didn't know? The famed 'Red Cry' here got invited on a date with one of her clients. Wasn't some random small fry either."
"You're lucky he isn't here to hear that, Pierce," Melody groused. "Technically, he's the former consigliere for a defunct mafia family who was arrested for something he didn't do. I pretty much bailed his flank out and he thought of repaying me with a night at one of the finer restaurants. Had a little wine, yada yada, he said he wanted to know me better, fast forward a month, we're pretty much living together."
"Think I'd like to meet him someday," I stated simply from the itching curiosity.
"He can be a little rough at first, but once he opens up, I'm sure you two would hit it out the park."
"Hopefully so." For my sake, I would like to add.
"Anyways, since you didn't know about my coltfriend, I take it you didn't know what happened with Pierce and Beryl as well."
"Why?" I asked, this time turning to my smugly grinning friend. "It's nothing too bad, I hope?"
"I'm rather appalled you'd say that, Flash!" Pierce exclaimed with a laugh. "No, it's nothing like that! It's the opposite, actually."
"Pierce and I will be having a foal come next winter," Beryl said warmly, smiling from cheek to cheek. "I really wanted to tell you about it in the last letter, but this knucklehead here thought it'll be great to surprise you with the news when we meet at the wedding."
"Hey, from the looks of it, it sorta worked! Sorta."
"Well, I was kinda expecting it, but it's still great news to hear," I chuckled. "Congratulations, you two. I would've brought a celebratory gift too if I knew earlier."
"Now you're just making me look bad," my friend retorted, followed by all of us laughing in unison.
It's really amazing what can happen in a span of two months. Already the ponies that I came to appreciate and trust crossed a new hurdle in their lives, blessed with fortune's bearings guiding them along the way. I do wonder what it means for me, as a pony who was just wandering across the world. Don't get me wrong, the past two months for me were invigorating and worthwhile all the same, though in comparison, it just seemed lackluster. I know I shouldn't compare in the first place, yet I can't help but wonder if I could've done a little more for somepony else like they did. I wonder if there will come a time where I could make somepony else's day a little bit brighter.
Perhaps there'll come a time I'll fulfill that role.
"Was kinda worried you guys wouldn't show up."
"Have a little more faith in us, Thunderlane!" Pierce exclaimed jovially the moment we stepped into the house. "Groom's got the marriage jitters already, huh?"
"No kidding," Melody chimed in, with Beryl giggling in turn. "Hey, you'll do fine with or without us, Lane. It's your big day, after all."
"Yeah..." he nervously chuckled, his cheeks lighting up when he spotted me. "Celestia, it's good to see you again, Flash. Really, thanks for coming."
"After what you've done for me, I should be hanged if I missed out on your wedding," I simply said with a wry smile. "How's life in the Wonderbolts reserve doing for you?"
"Pretty amazing actually. Even better, knowing that Chase is with me this whole time."
"Wonderbolts supercouple. Huh. Never knew you had it in you, Lane."
"And I thought you're the detective out of all of us here," Thunderlane remarked wittily, much to our amusement. "But yeah. Wonderbolts supercouple and we barely even made our debut on the main stage yet. Talk about unneeded attention."
I could only chuckle along with the rest.
Most of our time devolved into the usual conversations, made ever fanciful by the presence of Pierce Swiftwind and his sensational lingo. Still, even as I laughed along to the jokes, I couldn't ignore the squirming, burrowing worm of discomfort deeply seated within my gut. It had been there ever since I left the station and it was only growing bigger from there on out. Some part of me just wanted to snatch Thunderlane away in a desperate search for privacy before asking him questions that I fear he may never find it in himself to answer. A lot can happen in two months after all, yet it's been five months since I left this town; five months since I ran away from reality and responsibility to see the world. Curiosity begged to know all that happened and all that didn't in my absence, yet I wouldn't want him to feel obligated to explain it all, especially not on his wedding day.
In my days of roaming, there were times where my thoughts would drift back to this very town. Even now, amid the cheerful chatter, my gaze would linger towards the town outside the window, hoping to catch sight of a familiar smile passing by. I've heard little of her since I've left and there wasn't even a mention of her in the news lately. Knowing her, she would want some time to herself, to recuperate from all that had happened and find a little moment of solitude. She would seek solace in her family and closest friends, as well as all the other princesses that might come by to see how their young compatriot was doing.
Still, was that really enough?
"You okay, Flash?"
Thunderlane must've noticed my fading facade. We were alone by then, with the rest outside busily setting up the banquet and leaving the groom's care to me while he dresses himself up, as if I had a good track record of doing as such. I wouldn't want to bother him with such furtive ruminations from within the nadiral depths of my heart, yet I could tell he wasn't about to let it go from the way he was staring straight into the abyss. Plus, it would be a misdeed were I to appear at the wedding grim-faced and neck-deep in melancholy.
"I'm just wondering," I professed softly. "You know... whether she's doing alright and everything..."
"Ah..." his voice trailed off. "Twilight... she's doing fine. Not as cheery as before, but still the same Twilight we know."
"Nothing happened to her, right?"
"Nothing that we know of."
"Good, I... just good..."
"You know, you could go up there and visit her if you want," Thunderlane suggested meekly. "I'm sure she wouldn't mind seeing you again, even after... after everything that happened. She isn't the vindictive type, as far as we know. That night was just... well, she wasn't in her best state of mind. You know that, I know that, practically everyone knows that."
"I don't even know how to face her anymore," I stated with confidence, funnily enough. "Maybe if... maybe if some things were different..."
"Flash, you know there's no way anything can be different after everything that happened, and I'm pretty certain that if you know that, it means Twilight knows that."
"Still, what does she think of it? Of all this?"
"You mentioned in the interview back then that it didn't matter what she thought of anything anymore, remember?" came his rather convincing argument. "That no matter what, it would lead to something great when it comes to her?"
"She was a different pony back then... we both were. Five months can change a lot in us, Thunderlane. You saw how it turned out for me back then. You saw what happened after that."
"Yeah. I've seen you change for better and worse. However, there are some things that time just can't change about you, Flash. Even after five months, you're still beating yourself up over everything, for example."
"Gee, that really hurt," I remarked, earning a bout of laughter from him. "Maybe you're right about that. It's just... I don't think I'm ready yet."
"I don't think Twilight's ready either, if you ask me."
All I could do was bear a pitiful grin.
It's like I snatched something away from her, some stream of her personality that I'll never be able to return, leaving a void that was soon supplanted by a dark mass of dissent and incoherence; a parasite greedily leeching away all her nights of reprieve and leaving her in trembling slumber. However much other ponies tried to discount it, I felt responsible for the mess that happened and the ensuing chain reaction of bad decisions that only seemed to make it all the more bigger. She may find it in her to forgive me, but I could never do the same for myself and she knew that. I deserved some penance, despite what the princesses would have me believe.
Thunderlane didn't pry any further than that; all those months of tolerating my presence must've taught him a thing or two. As short and inexplicable as it may be, it did just enough for me to retrieve the smile that I had lost along the way; by the time we strutted out the door, my spirit had floundered its way back up to the heights it had slowly withered from. I would soon be surrounded by my friends once more, all of which were subsumed to the wonders of change in a town where change is as much of a constant as time itself. One couldn't help but wonder whether I was a late bloomer in this regard, or just a stagnant sapling. Perhaps I might learn where I stand; perhaps I would learn where I belong among the currents of time. Until then, all I had was hope.
The hope that, in this town of change, I could discover a brighter future.
Why did I listen?
I must've looked like a fool, seated in the middle of the room with them. I would say that no words could express how disgusted I am to be in the same room with them, but I'd be lying. If anything, disgust was all that I could turn to now to stop me from brandishing my hoof. I had one night to let everything sink in, yet I remained bewildered by all that happened. I would never imagine ever linking those faces to the definition of betrayal, yet there they were, fitting side by side in this malignant jigsaw puzzle. Was it not enough that my rose-colored glasses were torn off my eyes? Did it really have to be like this, that the faces I once viewed with utmost respect should be trodden and trampled with nary a care for what I felt?
Why did I fucking listen?
What good did it do for me? What good did it do to listen to the very ponies responsible for this whole mess? How many half-truths did they spew out from among the garbage they sold to me that I now have to sort through? Even now, as we await for Pierce to arrive with Shining Armor, I wondered why I should care about what they want to say, for I have nothing to say to them. From their glimmering, uncertain gazes they had been reluctantly tossing at me, it's clear that they had a lot on their mind. However, there were rules to follow, protocols to maintain. I'm sure at least one of them knew how the process goes, which only meant we could only be patient, sitting across each other. In this mirthless, gauche silence.
Was it worth it?
Listening to them? To their little white lies, telling me that it'll be over soon?
Perhaps senselessness might've won over familial love as well after all.
With the creak of the door came the resounding draft of relief. In stepped my friend and the captain of the royal guard, the former perhaps the more uncertain of the pair when he eyed the suspects. Judging from the thick file in his hooves, a long conversation was warranted to unpack everything they had. Pierce informed me prior that I wouldn't stay for the entire session, confidentiality and whatnot, though he believed that it would be best if I was present to understand the crux of the situation despite my parents' dismayed protests. Without a moment to spare, the private investigator in him cleared his throat when he flipped open the files, leafing through document after document, before his stern gaze, firm even after having a bullet dug in and out of his now-bandaged sides, rose to meet the challenge.
"Shall we begin, Mr. and Mrs. Sentry?"
A pair of uncertain nods in unison. Silence unyielding hung like a blade at the throat as all eyes turned to me. Judging from my father's gaze at me, he had disapproved of my presence and had perhaps only relented due to my mother's coaxing. Were it not for Shining Armor being in the room, however, I'm sure he would've spoken up to ask me to leave, which only lead me to wonder in amazement at the tricks Pierce could pull off sometimes. Then again, when I steeled my glare and turned to him, I knew that even if he dared to stand up and say that, I would be too angry to even care.
"You knew."
The gaze of Gallant Sentry shifted downward.
"You knew... this whole time, you knew that Cardinal Atelier planned the attack," I began. "You knew that he was the one behind everything, yet you never said anything..."
"I had my suspicions, but I... wasn't sure."
That sickened me. Hearing my own father say such detrimental words, that disgusted me to my very core. This was a pony whose judgement bore no question, whose hunches were usually on the nose, yet he had the unnerving audacity to say that he wasn't sure? I clenched my jaw to stop myself from yelling at him; Shining Armor's fierce, constant gaze on me was enough of a warning sign.
"It was only after Tabard... after Mr. Atelier got killed, that everything made sense," he continued. "The two of us knew Cardinal was involved in it somehow, but we needed to be sure. When Mr. Atelier disappeared, I thought that it was because of the evidence surfaced that implicated him in the attack and that he somehow managed to hide his involvement from me, but in the end... you were there. You saw how it ended."
"Even then, you kept silent."
"Because it'll put all of us into danger. You, your mother, your friends, even the princess and those close to her. Mr. Atelier tried that and his death came as a result of it. Believe me, I wanted to tell you with all my heart, but your mother insisted the risk was too great."
"It was my fault," Mom took her turn to pipe in with a shiver. "I was in this from the beginning. I believed they really intended to make things better for everyone. Your father didn't want me to associate with them, but I didn't listen. When they talked about wanting to shake up the princess a little, I thought they were joking. I never expected that they would actually go that far, yet even when your father questioned me about it, I acted like none of what happened was their doing. Even when they killed Mr. Atelier, I didn't want to say anything, but when I heard that they wanted to involve you in their next meeting... I knew it couldn't go on any longer."
"Your mother told me and Pierce about what they were planning to do," my father took over. "All we needed to know was where the meeting would take place. Your mother attended to make sure that nothing happens to you, and if anything did, she wanted to make sure that you'll escape alive. With the Royal Guard surrounding the warehouse, we wanted to make sure we got every single pony involved."
"Yet there were some who escaped, didn't they?"
"Unfortunately so," Shining Armor grimly answered that question instead. "Cardinal and a couple of others managed to evade capture with the help of some of our own. If we knew earlier that he had ties with some of the guards, they wouldn't have gotten away."
To hear said news must not have sat well with the captain of the royal guard. None of us might never know what absurd promises Cardinal had made to them, though it certainly rang true that such temptations could easily waver the will of the weak. It's no question that those guards were simple-minded if they could simply dismiss the Royal Guard's code of honor, though when it comes to someone with such a grand network of power like him, you can never be sure. However, that was the strange part of the whole situation; a fact that Shining was aware of and treated with a kind of callousness that I inadvertently came to associate him with.
"Those guards knew what would happen if they went down that route," he asserted. "The only conclusion I can come to was that this wasn't something that was done out of the blue, like bribery or blackmail. This was all planned in advance. This was an established arrangement that the guards were in on it from the very beginning. What I would like to know is how these ponies managed to win those guards over in the first place, which I'm sure at least one of you know about."
"At this stage, whoever or whatever else you're hiding is compromised," Pierce added his warning. "What we're aware of is this: they were directly involved in the attempted assassination of the princess, which was an act of treason of the highest order, punishable by life imprisonment or even a death sentence. As a friend, I am urging you to come to realize that such losses isn't worth keeping a secret for. They would be roaming free out there while you two pay the price for their crimes. That's not what you want now, is it? Would the risks you take from providing the information we need to catch them really be greater than if you stay silent?"
Dad and Mom exchanged uncertain glances, a first in all this turmoil that shared the same thoughts.
"There's this society formed by Equestria's biggest players," my mother explained. "Many of Equestria's most influential ponies are involved in this society. Aristocrats, nobles, certain ministers and governors, industry moguls, creative virtuosos, scientific and religious scholars, retired military commanders— you name someone with influence and a patrician family history, they are part of that society. It was set up a long time ago with a single goal: to ensure decisions deemed for the good of Equestria were enforced. The society seeks to improve the lives of every pony across Equestria, initially through means of statutes and legislation as it had always been done up until now."
"Was Princess Celestia aware of this?" Shining questioned.
"It was decided that the princess and all her affiliations are withheld any knowledge of this society," she affirmed. "Traditionally, it's because they do not want any predispositions to affect any of the decisions made during the discussion."
"And what do you all often discuss about? Which prominent figure should you assassinate next?"
"It was nothing like that," my father rose his voice. "True, we hoped to implement change on a greater scale and it's something we've been gradually working towards to, especially after Princess Twilight was crowned, but we would never resort to something as reckless and senseless as that. It was some of the younger members who believed that a more radical change was needed. They wanted more than what they already had, so they disillusioned many of the other young ones, Cardinal included, into believing that they could bring about a change that was desperately needed. They were tricked into believing that with the princesses gone, they could make the world a better place."
"Those... ponies did not represent us," my mother added begrudgingly, hoof clenching. "What they did... I didn't realize it then, but the 'change' they were going after was far from what was promised. I believed that they were really passionate as we were, but... I realized too little too late what they were being passionate about..."
Animosity was a quick brew, especially with a spoonful of betrayal thrown into the mix. My mother, of all ponies, loathed the taste, having been a victim of such even before meeting my father. Were it up to her and her alone, she wouldn't hesitate to track them down and force that lurid grog down their throats until they would be blue and gasping for air. Clementine Genoise Sentry, discounting all that she was to everyone else, will not hesitate to wander down the road to murder. Dad knew that, which was why he was always keeping her in sight. My only regret is that I never got anything worthwhile out of knowing that, for I was too blind in my own rage to see it.
"And all this time, you kept that from me..."
Silence was a rope around their necks, awaiting the eventual plunge. Penitence, passionless and dour, adorned the noose. I ached to seize them by the shoulders, to shake the words out of their throats, and perhaps I would have if the other two ponies weren't present. Then again, there was nothing they could utter that may bring me to forgive what they've done; a dark stain of shame and treachery, forever blotching the ancestral tree. My father, however, still rose to meet the challenge, however vain the attempt may be.
"You were supposed to be one of us."
Some part of me already knew that, having fit two and two together. If what my parents claims of the society were true, it meant that however Cardinal was indoctrinated into those false beliefs, it all started with his father's introduction into said society. I couldn't blame my parents if they wanted to uphold tradition, but to say that on the unruly pretense that they were on my side, to stake a claim over a 'what if' situation and completely disregarding everything that happened— no, that they allowed to happen... I couldn't stand it.
"So what if I was?" I snarled. "Was I supposed to care? Was that supposed to make me understand?"
"Flash—"
"I don't understand any of this, alright?! I don't understand whatever the fuck this is all about! What the hell does the good of Equestria have to do with this? Why do you even care?"
Mom and Dad had no more words to convince me.
"We're already living a good life already— hell, I was! I was lucky enough to be with the princess... with Twilight... yet... yet..."
No more ways to tell me it was all for my own good.
"Maybe... maybe back then, things were different. Maybe it was that bad back then, but by now, everything already changed! Everything became better! You said this society wanted to change the world for the better, yet none of you even realized it already did!"
"You're right... you're right..."
Some might know this already, but I always saw my father as a polar opposite of myself. Where I could barely contained my rage, he would be still and firm. Like right now, when I'm heaving with all my might, he accepted it gracefully with his head hung low, solid as a mountain. Of course, as my feasibly erroneous judgement had proven time and time again, we were actually alike in almost every way imaginable. In all my envy, I was the chip off the old block without realizing it, down to the colors of our coat and mane. In some way, I was him and he, me. Like right now, when through all my exasperation, I beheld a tremble shadowed in subtlety, before he finally brought his gaze up to me, his eyes shimmering and misty.
"I failed you."
Silence, dreadful silence, swept in.
My pounding heart had stopped, as did the grueling churns in my chest.
"Dad..."
"No, I failed you. There's no excuse for that... not for me... not anymore..."
A soft, pained grin grew on his muzzle as he brought his gaze up to me. "I brought pain and suffering to my own son... no father should be excused for that," he quavered, shaking his head. "You have every right to be angry, Flash. I was never there for you, not since you were born. I pushed you into doing things without even asking you what you wanted, yet when you stumbled and fall, I wasn't there to pick you up. Even now, I chose to hid the truth from you for so long when you deserved to know it. It may had been a risk, but it was a risk worth taking, yet I couldn't do it. I'm a failure as your father, Flash. I know that now."
"No... no, that's not what I meant..."
"But it's the truth, isn't it?" Mom piped in destitutely, gripping onto my father's trembling hoof. "We're sorry that we couldn't be better, that we couldn't do better. We failed you, the both of us. We know that now, Flash... and we're sorry..."
Before I could go any further, the hoof on my shoulder cut me short, with Pierce's solemn nod giving me the sore reminder. Even so, I was ready to brush his hoof off, though the captain's glare alone was my one and only warning sign. With all the hesitation on my shoulders, I'm surprised I could even lift myself off the chair, joining Pierce as we head out of the room. I couldn't even spare a glance back, not with what I said. It might've been the truth, all of it, yet to say it aloud, to spill it all out like that...
White spilled my vision, the fluorescent almost searing into my skin. I don't remember how long I staggered through those halls. Without Pierce beside me, I figured I might've just wandered off outside in my stupor. Instead, he guided me towards one of the benches and set me down shortly before heading off. I didn't know how long I was left alone there, trapped in the mundane world of the marble floor tiles before me and being given odd stares from many that trot by. It wasn't until my friend sat down onto my side that the gears began to shift again, made more smoother with the mug of cocoa he offered me.
"You okay?"
My dead, cold gaze struggled to meet my friend's. "I don't know..." I gulped. "I should be happy, right? To hear them say it. To finally know the truth."
"It's not a must. Sometimes, the truth just isn't what you make it out to be, so no, you shouldn't actually be happy. Still, you should take comfort in what your parents are doing. At least right now, they're trying to do the right thing."
Silence takes the center stage.
"We'll have to gather everyone in Ponyville later to talk about this," Pierce began, already leafing through some documents.
"The captain would be stationing some guards around town and informing the princesses of what we had learned from your parents. In the meantime, we'll have to gather everyone else in Ponyville and let them know what's happening and what they can do, in case those ponies want to try something again."
"They'll be alright, wouldn't they?"
Silence, once more.
"My parents..." I asked again, tearing my gaze from the murky brown reflection in my mug. "They'll be fine, right? They're helping the guard out, they... they already admitted everything and..."
"Flash... honestly, I'm not so sure," he muttered glumly. "There's no good way to say this, Flash. However much they helped us, you can't deny the fact that their crime still persists. An act of misprision of treason... we're looking at a maximum sentence of seven years. They'll both be lightened depending on the information they've got about this society of theirs. For your father, I suspect he would be free, say, in a year or so, give or take a few months from that. Your mother, however, was directly involved in this. She'll be tougher to appeal in court, even with Melody at the helm. Least we could do realistically is reduce it to three years."
"Celestia..." I found myself gasping, throat running dry. "There... there really isn't any other way?"
"I'm sorry... as much as I like to say there is, there really isn't..."
I couldn't bear to sit there long after that. There might've been a way to change things as they stood, though I couldn't bring myself to do it. Pathetic, isn't it? All those chances to bring about change, to salvage what that's left, yet I chose to mourn endlessly, to bemoan, to lament, to cry about how woeful my life came to be. For all it was, in the end, this was the side of me that I despised. This was the side that Shining Armor deemed disgusting, that Rainbow Dash found insulting. This was the side that Twilight Sparkle abhorred, decried and disdained. This was the side that my parents had just threw their years away to save me from and for that, I have not enough words to express my gratitude for. It pained me that I would only come to understand it much later, after all that is said and done.
Back then, all I could ask was if it was all worth it.
Telling them off? Digging their very mistakes into them? Shouting them into admission?
The only thing closest to an answer was the bland aftertaste of diluted cocoa in my mouth.
I have a promise to keep.
No, it wasn't the one I made to Spike.
This was another promise. An important promise that I had made long before penning this story's first words. It was a promise I made from conversation after heartfelt, painful conversation. It was a promise that I had to ascertain was made with sound mind and spirit. It was a promise derived from the false deity of logic and reason to be transcribed into a scripture for the ethereal demons that we call our emotions. It was the promise that decided the dictum of these very words you're reading, those you have read and those you will read.
Suppose you know by now that this is a story about failure, which it certainly is. This is a story where each and every one of us had failed, where we had all lost something important through the course of these events. These were the moments chronicled to remind us of how we got to where we were, to recall why we headed down this dark and meandering path. At some point, we all have failed, some more than others, some bearing bigger consequences the others. In fact, it would only be fitting if there was an index of each and every single one of our failures at the very last page. It should serve as a grim reminder, to be sure.
What does it all matter, one might wonder?
I made a promise to Twilight.
That I am not to hold back. That I should not bear any sort of reluctance when the ink touches the paper. That when the time comes and we ourselves read this story again, we are to be reminded of the deeds that we've done. We should be, we must be. Such a promise was made with a particular moment in mind: the one you are about to read. For Twilight, it must serve as a grim reminder to forever linger among her shadow, where it would time and time again come back to stare her from the mirror. It always does now and then, sometimes to the point where she couldn't even read anything for a while. The pain was agonizing, but she was willing to cling onto it, to be a better pony because of it. It became, in the end, something I would admire about her.
For myself... I have said that this was a story about failure. That was a half-truth, for this was really only a story about one out of many. It was to be the greatest failure I shall ever commit in my life, as it will be the last in the course of this story. This moment shall haunt me as much as it haunts her. It shall follow me to the ends of the earth, to the time my life shall dangle off the cliff's edge. This moment shall burn me in my dreams and crucify me in my nightmares as it should be, for I deserve each and every singe into the flesh. Twilight wouldn't want to have any of it, but it was something that happened, that I let happen.
This is a story about Flash Sentry.
This is a story about how he failed to save Twilight Sparkle from the dark, far-reaching clutches of the abyss.
Again.
"What should I say to her?"
Thinking that aloud for the fifth time yielded as much as you'd expect. Wandering down the quiet roads, with only the distant howl of fierce winds in the horizon, I have no other pony to turn to except for myself, though knowing myself, I'd be better off not depending on him at all. It must be the grandest tragedy in a pony's life, not being able to depend on his very fiber of being. A greater tragedy was how those around him were depending on him to make things right. They must be daft and blind to even think that, or maybe they saw something in me that I didn't quite realize yet.
The quietest night in Ponyville drifted along ever cumbersomely. Even the crickets and toads and owls and whatever else is out there kept their voices to themselves, though such tranquility was brief. In no way would the world be still in silence, for even the world itself wasn't silent in its spinning. Twilight mentioned that should a unicorn carefully attune their magic to a specific set of axes, they could hear the sound of the planet's rotation. She tried it once and heard the sound for only a few seconds, though she claimed they were some of the most magical seconds of her life, describing the sound as a fluctuating hum, like hearing a whale's warbling through the ocean in a conch shell. Perhaps if I had placed my ear close to the ground that night, I could probably hear a sliver of those planetary harmonies strumming from the cosmic strings, considering the after-effects of residual magic and whatnot.
Twilight believed silence was a lie.
I merely see it as the luxury life could never afford.
There I go again, having to wrestle myself out of these dark thoughts. That's what too much silence does to ponies; it drives one to think to an unnecessary degree. It was on a silent night like this that I perceived the notion of Twilight and I drowning in an ocean of quietude. It was in silence that I brooded over the fiendish idea of pride coming from felling a princess. It was in damning silence that I strode off to meet Rainbow Dash that one rainy night and got myself beaten and bloodied close to death. It was in silence, deathly and ruthless, where my memories of roaring flames and crashing beams would come flooding back, where those glassy eyes and frenzied gasps shall strangulate me until I could pull myself out from the wreckage in my head.
Silence had became an unwitting enemy.
An enemy I intend to push back, at least for tonight.
"What should I say to her?" I repeated aloud.
The hospital looked cold and unforgiving on nights like this. As the winds began whipping across the ground, tossing fistfuls of snow about, I quickened my pace and clambered up the steps, heaving and stumbling inside away from the oncoming storm just in time. Still, even after being here, after letting desperation take its toll on the cogs in my head, it remained barren with any worthy topics of discussion. Twilight would be displeased, though she might just remark how it's just like me. I might even laugh along, just for the sake of it. If silence would even pardon me as such, I wouldn't actually mind.
"Flash! What a surprise to see you here again!"
"Nurse Redheart," I managed softly. "It's good to see you again too. I was hoping if... well..."
"Oh, you didn't need to ask," she retorted smugly, placing her clipboard aside. "Well, I'd be breaking a few rules if I did so, though I'm sure Sweetheart and Tenderheart might understand. It'll be harder convincing Doctor Horse to let it pass however, but nothing that can't be cleared up with an explanation."
"I rather not do it if it troubles you, Nurse Redheart."
"You're too humble, Flash Sentry. Do think of it as part of my job. After all, it is the duty of the nurse to provide the greatest of care to their patients. Perhaps a nightly visit from you might just be what she needs."
I could only offer a sincere grin.
"Thank you. Really."
"Not a problem at all. Just make sure to let her friend know when you head in."
"Her friend, huh?" I asked; seems somepony else was missing out the party over at the castle. "Who was it?"
"Not quite sure, to be honest. For what I saw, he looked pretty important. He came in just shortly before you did, said he had something to talk to her about. Some rather sensitive matters, best had... what were those words... ah, out of earshot from the common folk."
I paled at those words.
"It'll be a damn shame if somepony else were to get hurt from this."
Don't tell me...
"Well, somepony aside from Princess Twilight, that is."
"Nurse Redheart, get the guard."
"What?"
"Listen to me, Twilight's in danger," I quickly explained. "I need you to go and get the guard. Go now."
"In danger? I mean, but... w-what about you?"
"I'll handle it somehow, just go!"
With a terrified nod, she scurried off, trusting what little judgement of mine she could believe in. Quickly, I rushed up the stairs and galloped down the hallways, my breath tensing when I noticed the door to her room was left ajar. One of the ceiling lights was turned on, for a little bit of it was slipping out from within, beckoning me yet chasing me away at the same time. I held my breath and sieved through the deathly quiet, though there was not a noise, not a word. Withering and writhing, my hooves crept nearer and nearer into the brightness. My heart swung about like a loose pendulum, hung by a single thread of confidence. All that tension, pulling it tauter than ever, finally made the paltry string snap, pushing me to take a leap and lunge through the door.
"Ah, ah, ah!"
Twilight Sparkle was lying on the bed, still and silent, as perfect as the day I last saw her. It took me a second too long to realize she was still breathing, much to my utter relief. Her eyebrows wrinkled, perhaps perturbed at my sudden entry. Perhaps even in the tranquility of her slumber, she knew that something was wrong. She knew that something was happening around her, something that I desperately want her to wake from. My hopes, however, quickly burned out when her breathing steadied itself, her chest descending back into the peace she was rudely stirred from. Eyes trailing to the intruder, I could only grit my teeth as he brought up a hoof to his thin, curved lips, demanding only one thing from me.
Silence, my unwitting enemy.
"We don't want to wake her up now, don't we?"
By the left side of the bed sat Cardinal Atelier, slightly bruised and battered, yet I would never forget that glint in his eyes, that sordid smirk, that gleam of the revolver that he not too long ago stuck into my back. I watched, helpless as I was once more when he raised the muzzle of his weapon to meet my gaze, the clear shimmer of copper I briefly spotted nestled in the darkness of the barrel warning me it's fully loaded before he turned it down towards the sleeping princess, pointing it right at her sides.
"You really do have a way with surprises, Flash," he chuckled in a low voice. "I didn't actually think you'd be paying her a visit. Shame, really. Makes all my plans a little less feasible."
"You can have me instead," I rumbled gruffly. "I'll go with you willingly. Just take me and don't hurt her. You want to take out your revenge, take it out on me."
"Revenge?"
His smile disappeared. His forehead began to crease with his eyebrows. His jaw faltered, as if speechless, struggling to hold his collapsing composure. My gaze wavered towards the revolver, shaking and threatening to go off anytime like a provoked rattlesnake. A quick glimpse of the cylinder made it known to me that it was a six shooter, its filled slots aching to be emptied. Darting my glance back, he was staring into me now, his broiling fury a brand singeing my head,
"You think this is a mere case of revenge?" he growled. "You... you really think that, don't you? You think... y-you think that I'm here for revenge, that's it, don't you?"
I didn't dare respond.
"No amount of revenge could even... it could never come close... you... you ruined all that I had. You ruined all that we worked for. You tore everything apart, Flash, all for what? To keep your precious Twilight Sparkle on the throne? Tell me, what did you do all that for?"
Was there any right answer to that?
My gut reminded me to keep my mouth shut.
"You're mocking me, aren't you?" he rambled on. "You are! You must be! They promised me so many things, so many great and wonderful things. I did my part in Canterlot for them, I killed my father for them! All for what? In the end, when things went wrong, they just chased me out like a dog. They shot at me, spat at me like I'm worth nothing to them! You must be happy, aren't you? You must be laughing at me right now, aren't you? All this... all this for nothing! Go on then! What are you waiting for? Laugh then!"
"Cardinal..." I hissed, watching fearfully as Twilight stirred about once more. "We can talk about this, just you and me. We don't have to involve her into this."
"No, you see, you don't get it. You don't get it at all." A twisted, sickly grin ripped through his trembling lips. "She's my asset. She's the solution," he driveled. "She... Twilight... I'll take her to them. They'll let me back in for sure, wouldn't they? They definitely would. I'm going to take her to them—"
"Cardinal—"
"—and you're going to help me."
"Mmf, Flash? C-Cardinal? Wha... what are you doing here?"
The winds began to scream louder and the snow battered at the windows harder when Twilight Sparkle rose from her slumber, who froze up when Cardinal trained his gun up to her forehead. I began to open my mouth, only for my throat to constrict when his hoof returned to the trigger, aching for the right set of wrong words to give it a little push. His eyes were bereft of reason, superseded with the senselessness his so-called 'friends' have injected into his head. The glint of ambition I've seen back in Canterlot was all gone, left stranded without that dark mantra, that corrupted set of ideals they tainted him with. It was all lost now, the fragments of it warped into his dangerous manifesto a long time ago. What's worse, he intends for me to aid him in his fruitless crusade, for lack of a better word.
"You don't have to do this."
"You said you care for her, didn't you?"
"Flash, what's going on?" Twilight whimpered, fearfully yet indignantly turning to me. "What's he talking about?"
Silence, my unwitting enemy.
"He never told you, did he?" Cardinal spoke instead.
"Told me what?" she asked, her uncertain gaze more fixated on the revolver than the pony speaking to her.
"Everything. All that transpired in the days he was away."
"What? What are you... what do you... mean..."
It's amazing how much Twilight can piece together with what little she has, yet realization was the same to her as to everyone else: a slow burner down the wick to the stick of dynamite at the other end. All that remained in the debris was horror, glossing her features a deathly white. She was about to open her quivering mouth once more, only to be silenced when Cardinal raised his revolver once more, its barrel perversely pressed against her lips, only to pull away. With a repugnant grin, as if proud of silencing a princess, he resumed attending to me.
"If you really do care about her, you will help me bring her to them," Cardinal continued. "As long as you comply and ascertain that she does the same, she wouldn't even have so much as a scratch."
"And when she's there?"
"We'll find a way to make sure it's all done without bloodshed," he assured rather flimsily. "They'll know what to do... they will know..."
All my wants of speaking out was crippled by hesitation in the face of a pony too far lost to know of his own good. With the guard's raid into their previous meeting, there's no doubt the unfathomable 'they' wouldn't let me off easily, much less Twilight herself. The promise of safety was all a woeful fabrication, pulled out from the mammoth trenches of desperation. That much was palpable to me, the stallion who had seen desperation unfurl in the gauche splendor as it did from Twilight herself. Were he of a sounder, steadier mind, Cardinal would realize it as well.
"Now then, would you do the right thing? Would you save the life of a princess, or..."
A quivering gasp followed the the cold barrel of the gun twisting into her forehead.
Silence hung at the edge of the cliff, this time with the lives of Twilight and myself being pulled down with it. I could only stare at those eyes, those pleading, misty, terrified eyes shaking in utter misery. I'd mouth out to her that it'll be alright, that I'll figure it out somehow, but it would be a lie, which was the last thing we needed. Were we closer to the window, I might've even spared a quick peek, just to see if Nurse Redheart managed to get some help in time. Instead, here we were, stuck with a pony whose mind reeks of incoherence, whose hooves were willing to spill all of our blood if everything does not go his way.
What more can one do but nod?
"Then we'll be leaving. Now."
With that said, Cardinal prodded Twilight onto her hooves with his revolver, though she only managed a second before stumbling over. She would've even hit the floor were it not for me catching her in time, but in the end she could barely look at me in the eye, much less utter her gratitude. With Cardinal leading us from behind, we hobbled down the stairway and headed outside where the gales tossed us around and the barrage of snow pelted at us, as if sneering at our defeat. Without any sight of the guards, there was nowhere to go but forward, away from the quiet hamlet of Ponyville and into the dark, sprawling forest of dead trees before us.
Back into darkness, together.
I didn't know how long we trudged through the blizzard.
We barely managed to keep ourselves warm, marching through the thick blur with shivering hooves and chattering teeth. The longer we marched, the closer we huddled, up until our cheeks were barely grazing the other pony's. Even Cardinal, who was not far behind, was shaking violently, the telltale sign being the rattling of his revolver. I could feel Twilight's shivers through her form and wing reverberating with mine, providing an irregular rhythm in unison. Sparing a glance, I frowned at her frailty, borne of all those bedridden months. She was slipping in and out of consciousness, her body and mind unable to take the sudden strain thrown against her. There were times along the way where she suddenly went limp and nearly dragged me down, only to catch herself back again at the last moment. It was after the third time that I noticed the peculiar frost surrounding the bottom of her eyes.
They were crystallized tears of hopelessness and despair, and most of all, fear, for she knew a fact made clear to me when we set off on this insane journey.
This was it.
Princess Twilight Sparkle will die in a blizzard outside of Ponyville.
Even without those wordless pleas, I knew that it must not happen.
"Twilight," I muttered, soft enough so that Cardinal wouldn't hear it over the storm. "If... if-f you're hearing this... blink once for a yes... twice for a no..."
One blink.
"Think you can stand on your own?"
Twice.
"C-Can you... can you use your magic?"
Twice again.
Fucking damn it.
"Okay... okay... just... I'll figure something out..."
A whimper, then two blinks.
"No? What do you me—" Realization struck me square in the jaw, which fell limp at the sight of another tear worming its way between its frozen siblings. "No... don't you dare, Twilight," I hissed. "I'm not gonna leave you here to die! There's got to be a way out of this, there's got to be a way—"
Twice, rapidly, tearily, head shaking in desperation.
"Don't you fucking start with me now. I saved you once, Twilight Sparkle. You can be damn fucking sure I'll be saving you again."
A croaky, haughty whisper. "W-Why...?"
My lips curved. "Because I'm your royal bodyguard, Twilight. It's my responsibility."
Were she a little stronger, she'd lament about how cheesy I was being right now.
The whipping winds settled for a brief second, though a brief second was all I needed to realize that the trees were sparser in this end of the forest. I stole a glance over my shoulder, first at Cardinal trying to wipe away the snow pummeling his eyes, then at his glinting six shooter. It would be safe to assume that it was fully loaded, just in case one of us tried to make a run for it. That would mean six bullets, which meant six chances at getting shot. In any other circumstance, it would be a huge risk, though with the extra space in between the trees, plus the snowstorm providing an extra bit of cover, it may be the one and only chance we have at escaping.
It may be the one and only chance for Twilight to live and see another day.
It may be the best chance I might ever have in my life.
"Twilight? You okay?"
A fluttering blink.
"Alright... okay..." I managed, working my head into overdrive. "In a moment, I'll be... I'll be counting to three. After that, we'll make a break for it, alright?"
An uncertain stare.
"It's the only way I can think of right now... I know it's not much, but it's worth a shot."
A wilted nod was all she could muster.
Closer and closer towards darkness I went, yet I was not even aware of it. Even as the storm grew louder and louder, there was no place to move but forward. I squinted through the sweeping blinds, searching for the one place we could bolt for a shot of freedom. With Cardinal beginning to trail behind, I knew that the moment, as fleeting as all moments tend to be, would come any second now. With that knowledge, I held Twilight just a little closer, the voice in my head fated for the countdown.
"One."
I glance down at Twilight, her eyes closed in the seconds that flew by. Perhaps she was in prayer, seeking for a blessing from one of the other princesses, which was a perfectly logical course of action in such a dire situation. Or perhaps she was beseeching time itself, praying that it would even provide such a moment. In times of desperation, even a princess would resort to prayer. Question was, does time treat a princess like it would the common pony? Does time reserve special standards for such beings? Would time listen to her pleadings and, for our sake, give us to this day the moment that we sorely, woefully needed?
"Two."
Suddenly, the winds stilled, the snow settled. It took me too long to conclude that we were actually trapped in an off-season hurricane, one that brought more snow than rain, and that we've just emerged into its eye. The silence had crept in undetected, bringing with it solace from the wintry clamor. The visage of night as it would wear every other time came back, bringing with it a shower of moonlight, funneled by a towering circlet of stratus gray. With the thick gales lifted, I could see the sparse islets of barren birch dotted around the snowy hillside, with only more of the barrage we left behind slowly making its approach. Quickly, I turned back, spotting the bleary form of Cardinal Atelier beginning to break into this circular solitude. I must be smiling right then, for when our eyes met, all that I discerned from those pupils, once glinting with pure ambition, was horror.
"Three!"
Heaving Twilight onto my back, I took off for the other side of the clearing, weaving and darting between the sparse trees. I could hear the first hoofsteps of our pursuer tearing himself away from the storm, yelling something that I couldn't quite hear over all the air that was rushing past my ears as we galloped down the hillside. It was only when Twilight hoarsely yelled out something that I tossed a glance back, my blood running cold when I realized that he came to a halt, his hooves steady and ready to pull the trigger.
*BANG*
The bullet narrowly whizzed past my side just as we dove back into the roaring snowstorm, only for a particularly strong blast of wind to knock me off my hooves, throwing Twilight off my back and sending us tumbling down the wintry glade. I began to pick myself up, only to tumble back down, wincing with a hiss of agony shooting up from one of my hooves: the one that I nearly lost to Rainbow Dash, where the feelings of pain long thought to be buried began blossoming again. Gritting my teeth, frost streak through my nostrils and throat as I heaved myself back up, limping blindly through the winds in my frantic search for Twilight. The winds were getting stronger, the snow whisking about a lot thicker. The storm, unrelenting as it was, already swallowed most of the hillside; it won't be long before Twilight would become its next meal.
"Twilight! Twilight, where are y—!"
*BANG*
The sound gunshot piercing my ears halted me, only to cry out in the jolt of pain from the sudden pressure on my injured hoof collapsing underneath my weight. Falling backwards onto my flank, I immediately scrambled to drag myself to safety behind one of the trees, huffing and panting. He couldn't have caught up with us already! Glancing from behind the trunk, I held my breath as our pursuer hobbled into view, snarling with his revolver recklessly dragging him along in search for his targets. He did not seem to notice me, as he finally came to a halt, opened his mouth and shouting right into the night sky.
"Flash Sentry!!"
I hastily yanked my head back.
"Come on out now!! We can still talk about this!!"
Hooves strenuously crunched into the snow, barely audible over the howling winds.
They were getting louder and louder.
I held my breath.
"You want the princess to live, don't you?!
No... no, it couldn't be...
"She's right here, Flash! Come on out now!"
He's lying. He's just lying. He's just trying to bait you into coming out! Whatever you do, don't take the bait. Just don't take the bait—
"Don't you care what happens to her, Flash?!"
Don't take the bait, don't take the bait—"
"Oh, Flash Sentry... you're leaving me no choice."
That's when I heard a sizzle.
Above the furor of the gale, I heard a sizzle.
Of metal. Hot, scorching metal.
Pressed against meat, flesh and bone.
"Gah... G-GAH!! FL-FLASH! FLASH— AAAHH!!!
"Don't hurt her!!"
A sordid grin was the first thing I saw when I stumbled out. The second was Twilight's tears running down her cheeks as she hissed and whimpered in pain. The third made me grit my teeth: a ring of scalded flesh just beside where her right wing once was, freshly planted there by Cardinal with the muzzle of his revolver. Upon spotting me, he yanked Twilight backwards by the mane with his teeth. She could only yelp in protest, though even that was quickly stolen from her when he trained his weapon back to her head.
"You really, really do make it so easy! It's almost frightening!" he snickered. "Did you really think that I''d let you two go so easily? That you can run away to your hearts' content?"
"For Celestia's sake, Cardinal, look at her!" I snarled. "Twilight's not going to survive this storm! She's not going to make it through this!"
"So what? I let you two go? Should I write a sweet letter to ask the guard to toss my flank behind bars and prance about here as I wait for them to arrive as well?!"
"Just think reasonably for a moment here! Think about whether your friends would hope to gain anything from that! It's no use bringing her to them if she's dead!"
"H-How would you know?!" he bellowed. "They might find a way! They always do! They always have a way!"
"You know's that not true, Cardinal!"
"You're just lying to me, Flash! You're hoping to run away again, aren't you?! You think I didn't hear you tell that nurse to get the guard?! In the end, all you're hoping is for another pony to come by and finish the job, just like you've always done! Your father, your friends, Twilight Sparkle herself— it's always somepony else with you, isn't it?! It's always about running away when troubles comes to you, you coward!"
"Yes! Yes, I'm always running away!" I shouted back. "But right now... right now, I'm really fucking sick and tired of running away! Right now, all I can say is to fucking hell with you, saying that I'm running away! I've ran far enough, Cardinal, so here I am right now, ready to face whatever the fuck you, your friends and this damned reality is gonna fucking throw at me! Funny thing is, the way I'm seeing it, you're the one running away from it instead of me! You're being the coward here, not me!"
Cardinal twisted his revolver back towards me, eyes lost between anxiety and fury. His hoof was rattling, grazing at the trigger and waiting for me to give it a final push. However, from behind all that conviction, all the frenzy of a misguided pony, something else was peering out. It was chipping away at his facade, resurfacing under the pressures of time and hauled up by the taut ropes of reason. It was tearing him inside out, pummeling at his already volatile head, yet all it needed was a push. A gentle yet ever wary push, one that I gave after I reeled my temper back with bated breath.
"Listen... I know how it feels, Cardinal."
My little gamble paid off; for once, confidence swayed with my voice, the notion of it enough to freeze him up on the spot. "I know how it feels to be... to be cast aside. To be left behind," I gasped to him. "I know how it feels to be lost. I was there before, Cardinal. I've been so lost, I did things that I wouldn't even consider doing otherwise. I felt like I was being trampled on everywhere I went. I felt like I was being buried and everyone was just there to flatten the dirt. I felt like... I felt like I was nothing... like the only pony I could turn to was myself..."
Cardinal remained wary in his stunned silence.
"And I was wrong. So fucking wrong. I know that now and if... if I knew it then, I could've stopped this... I could've stopped you..."
"What makes you think I didn't want this to happen in the first place?" he argued. "What makes you think that... that this wasn't what I wanted all along, Flash? I was the one that tore you down in the first place, Flash Sentry... I was the one that brought you here! Hell, I was there! The hotel, the fire... I was there, watching as you cried and yelled in the middle of the street! I made you go through all of that! I was there!"
"I know."
For some time now, I've known he was there. Perhaps I've always known, though it never came to me until just recently. In my disjointed memories, all I had were bits and pieces, the rest sent adrift in the ashen pestilence of obscurity. Still, beneath the smoke choking my lungs and the flames searing my mind every time I revisit those nightmares, I could remember one voice. One oh so familiar voice, tinged with so much innocence back then, so much doubt, never knowing that it would one day be skewered and mutilated by the rhetoric of its peers to become a blossoming cadaver like them, yet a cadaver all the same.
"It was you, wasn't it?"
Cardinal Atelier flinched.
"I really don't think we should be doing this..."
"I was half-awake back then, but I was conscious enough to know you were there," I continued. "That was you... that night, that pony was you..."
"You really don't think he'll actually—"
"The pony who doubted at the very last minute, who knew that they could do better than what they were doing. The pony who knew that it was wrong, that what they were doing was just... just plain wrong. The pony who doubted, only to relent because he knows that those ponies that orchestrated everything... those ponies would not spare his life..."
Cardinal raised his gun again, albeit limply this time.
"Sorry."
"The pony who apologized to us that night... that was Cardinal Atelier. That was you..."
"Yeah... so what?" he rumbled. "That's not me anymore, Flash. That was then, this is now."
"That's where you're wrong, Cardinal."
"And why the fuck would you think that?"
"Because you would've shot us both back in the hospital otherwise," I stated firmly. "If your friends really changed you, Twilight and I would've been dead. You would've started the change that you and your friends were desperately trying to enact to the rest of Equestria. You would be revered and celebrated as an icon of change. You would've been their savior — their martyr — for bringing down the princess and providing the path to a necessary future... but really, that's not what you wanted, is it? What you wanted was the contrary. What you wanted was to be remembered for doing something good."
All I got was a stern silence.
It shall suffice as an answer.
"Cardinal, it's not too late to back down from this."
"No... no, it's too late for that, Flash," he stubbornly asserted. "Don't you see? I've gone too far to stop now. I've done too much, I know too much... I can't back down. Not anymore."
"You don't have to go back to them."
"So what, I just surrender? I've seen how ponies treated you, Flash. I've read of the things they did and... and I don't want to go through that. It's something that I've put you through, so you might be thinking that I deserved it, but... but I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to let you tear me down like I did to you."
"They wouldn't do that."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I'm not going to let them," I said simply, despite being unsure of it myself. "I don't want them to repeat the same mistakes that they made with me. You might not be entirely innocent with the things you've done, but that wouldn't make their actions all the more better. No one deserves to be cast out like that. Not even you."
"You... you're willing to do all this..." he gasped, inadvertently pulling down his weapon. "You're willing to do this for the pony who... who tore you down... the pony who made the whole word turn against you, the pony who took everything from you... you're willing to all this for me?"
"I'm not doing this for you, Cardinal, initially. Even right now, I'm having my doubts."
Slowly, I dragged myself towards him, already certain that he wouldn't raise his voice nor his revolver. All he could do was stare at me, stricken with utter disbelief. He could only so much as stand there and gape now, conflicted beyond comprehension. With only but a sliver of senselessness still lingering within, I steeled my gaze, providing him the most considerate smile I could fix up in a roaring snowstorm battering at my cheeks.
"However, we have a lot in common, Cardinal," I said to him. "You're standing right where I once stood months ago. You were lost as I was back then. Right now... right now, I'm trying to help you get back, Cardinal, but I need you to cooperate with me as well."
All he could do by then was stutter. "W-What do I do?"
"Put the gun down."
Softly as those words went, the revolver slipped from his hooves and fell into the snow. His composure came next, his hooves faltering from the lack thereof as he fell onto his knees. All he could do was look up to the screaming sky, to what would've been a star-filled night, where the snow shall shower and rain upon all of us in disdain without so much as an uproar. Sighing in relief, I could only kneel down with him, knowing full well the one final thing that still remained on my mind.
"Your father said something to me the night he died."
"Wha... w-what did he say?"
"Only one word: forgive," I answered, which only drew confusion from him. "I didn't understand it either. At first, I thought he wanted to repent for all the things I thought he'd done. I thought he was seeking forgiveness from me, yet when I learned that he wasn't actually behind it... I knew he meant something else. Night after night, I couldn't figure out what it was that he was trying to tell me... at least, until now."
"What is it? What was he trying to say?"
A smile was unsheathed from the warmest depths of my heart.
"He wanted me to forgive you."
The core of Cardinal Atelier shook for the first time that night. For a moment, he looked at me as if I said the most idiotic, most unbelievably stupid thing in the world, but it wasn't long before the first tear fell, followed by the second, followed by the third and fourth. With stuttering, hissing gasps that broke into a whimper, he began to wail, his throat straining and voice screaming into the ground. He cried shamelessly, as if this was something he sorely needed his entire life. Some part of me tingled at the sight of that; maybe, just maybe, paternal love won over senselessness after all.
Quickly, I staggered over to Twilight's side, relief washing over me for the umpteenth time when I realized she was still breathing, albeit with cold, short, feverish huffs. Were it not for the storm, I might've spotted the hospital, plopped her on my back and rushed her back to that sanctuary. Instead, we were left stranded in the binding, blinding wraps of snow after thick snow, which only seems to be growing worse as the seconds flew by.
That's when I saw it.
Through the frosty gale, I saw it coming closer.
A hovering light.
"H-Hey... HEY!!"
The distant light hovered towards us, only to stray away.
"OVER HERE!!" I yelled, hastily shuffling towards it. "HEY, WE'RE OVER HERE! THE PRINCESS IS HERE!!"
The light stopped, if only for a second before it suddenly rushed towards us. With it came shadows of what seemed to be a royal guard platoon, probably alerted by Nurse Redheart about our situation. I laughed out in utter delight; they found us! Somehow, in this forsaken storm, those guards found us! Just in time as well! I was already giddy with glee, waving a hoof up and about, jumping for joy! We were finally going to be rescued, the voices in my head cried in unison. We're finally safe!
"We're over... ha... haha... we're over here!" I couldn't help but shout one last time before whirling around. "Twilight! Twilight, we're gonna be safe! Twilight—"
Silence slammed my throat.
I heard a sparkle.
I saw it manifest in a violet blur.
Cardinal was never aware of it, kneeling there, bemoaning and wailing in defeat, trapped in his incomprehensible loss that he couldn't tear himself from. I could only look on, my jaw muscles slacking at the sight of his revolver's handle being carried away by a cloud of magic, rattling almost feverishly in its trembling embrace. My visage paled, the air caught in my lungs when the revolver turned, the muzzle pressed against the back of Cardinal's head. Horror beyond horror froze me much more than the winter cold could ever do that night, for I could see her standing tall behind him, providing to me the answer to a question that I never thought nor hope I would see it realized in my entire lifetime.
The Twilight Sparkle of today... the Twilight Sparkle that lost everything in a single night...
What would that Twilight Sparkle be like?
"TWILIGHT, NO—"
*BANG*
A garish spray of crimson whipped across the ground, the limp form of Cardinal Atelier falling forward into the snow with a splat. Immediately, I limped as fast as I could, gritting and hissing as I rushed over to her side, though she wasn't done yet; she had already swiftly hoisted the smoking revolver and waveringly pointed it back down to the prone Cardinal Atelier, already submerged in a puddle of his own essence. All she did... all she did was stare down at him, sparing not even a passing thought, not even a moment's reprieve, before she pulled the trigger.
"TWILIGHT!!"
*BANG*
Flecks of red tainted the white.
"TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT, DON'T—"
Yet all I could do was limp closer.
All I could do was watch in horror.
Unable to save him from his past.
Unable to save her from herself.
All I could do was watch as she was spurred on by nothing but hatred, to become something I never realized until it was too late.
"Murderer."
*BANG*
"TWILIGHT!! TWILIGHT, PLEASE STOP—"
Suddenly, heaving and panting almost maniacally, she turned the revolver towards me, abruptly stopping me in my tracks. Immediately, I raised a hoof up, fearfully staring into those eyes... those beautiful eyes, once filled with life and imaginaton. I couldn't recognize them anymore, those irises churning in turmoil. There was naught but rage within them, wrung out like a blade embedded in her gut, twisting with every serrated avenue of suffering. Her magic had unconsciously began pressing down onto the trigger, the final bullet cloistered within threatening to shoot out any second.
"It's me, it's me," I could only gasp out breathily, swallowing profusely. "Twilight, please, it's me... it's me... it's me..."
Silence.
A guillotine hanging over my head.
"Twilight, it's me. You recognize me, don't you? You know this face."
Silence.
A noose wound tightly around my neck.
"It's me... it's just Flash Sentry, Twilight... it's just me..."
Silence, my unwitting enemy.
Then, a whimper.
"Flash... Flash..."
The revolver fell into the snow once more.
Everything slowly sank in, like fangs into flesh. She could only stand there, aghast at everything. With a tremble, she could only fall backwards, hyperventilating. The specks of blood on her hooves, the nauseating worm burrowing through her stomach, the knowledge that she had shot dead Cardinal Atelier and that, within rage upon rage, she almost did the same to me... everything began rushing through the cracks of the dam. She was breaking apart, tormented in her mental soliloquy, impaled on the reality of what she had just done, of the actions she committed. She needed to be saved, to be torn away from those flames eating at her form.
To that, I did what anypony would've done.
I simply headed up to her and pulled her into a hug.
It only took a gasp and a strained whine before Twilight Sparkle could finally find it in herself to cry.
And I hated myself for that.
In all her debilitating anguish, she never realized how disgusted I was at everything: the damned hurricane, the scornful snow, the fact that the guards came a little late than I hoped, the idea that the pony I was trying to save from the clutches had his life inexplicably severed short, the notion that I was trying to comfort her when right now, all that's left in me was fear. I didn't want to be seen as a lesser pony, yet there's no denying how afraid I was of her that night. There's no denying that in the end, after all that was said and done, all I could think of doing was doing what I do best.
I ran away.
I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't want to know, so to speak. When the guards came and rushed us both to the hospital, when we were placed in adjacent beds, I didn't know how to face her, to tell her that it's alright because in the end, I knew that really isn't true. When the other ponies quickly ran to the hospital upon learning of what happened, I couldn't say a word. I couldn't look into their eyes and tell them this: that Princess Twilight Sparkle shot someone in the back of the head. That she had became a murderer. Worse still, I couldn't even look at her, not even a brief glimpse, not even a word of comfort, not even so much as a smile. All that we shared for the rest of the night, between the night sky and the hospital beds, was silence, glazed in nothing but bitterness and dysphoria.
This was how we spent our last night together.
In silence.
Alone.
I made a promise to you.
Hopefully, I fulfilled that promise.
Did it hurt? Did it remind you, as it should? Did it burn, the very thought of it? How bad was it? How much do you hate yourself for it? How much do you wish that you could go back and do it all over again, even though you know you just couldn't? How much do you scream and shout in the mirror every time you were reminded of what you've done— no, what your rage made sure you've done? How much did you slam yourself mentally against it, making sure it would crack and shatter, making sure its fragments would puncture you to bleed out all the guilt and self-loathing that had haunted you for days on end? How much did it want to make you wish that everything would just stop? That for once, you're not moving unless you're getting the happy ending you sorely needed?
Did it hurt, Twilight?
Did it remind you, as it did remind me?