//------------------------------// // Part 24: Oh Please // Story: Snails 1/2: Vol 2 The Perfect Stallion // by kitsy-chan //------------------------------// “You passed out.” Snails groaned and pulled the pillow tight against his face and horn. “You didn’t just pass out, you fell out of your chair.” Gisa laughed. “I know, don’t remind me.” “Eyes rolling back, ears going floppy, falling over.” Gisa was rolling on the bed, laughing so hard tears came out of her eyes. “And all she was trying to teach was-” “Argh! Don’t remind me!” Snails huffed and threw the pillow at the grifflette, “There are some things best not thought about. Right now, I don’t want to think about anything. Seriously, I don’t want to think about anything. Just have fun at the sleepover.” Gisa giggled and walked over, laying beside Snails. “Well, just think- next it will be the girls wanting a slumber party! With singing, and makeup, and candy.” “Nope, no thanks.” Snails shook his head. “How many slumber parties have you done?” “One.” Gisa said. “At the orphanage. Very few griffins can sing and dance. We’re eagles, not song birds.” “Well, we’ll see about you getting into some sleepovers.” Snails tapped her beak with a hoof. “You’d do that? For me?” Gisa said. “Of course, you’re my little sister. Can’t disappoint you.” Snails said, pushing himself out of bed. Walking towards the door, he grumbled, “But tonight’s the chance for us boys to have fun.” “Yep, right after the boy’s version of the class you passed out in last night.” Gisa said, giggling. Snails fell face first into the door. Yet again, he’d have to deal with that class. Why? Why was fate so cruel? Laying against the door, he mumbled, “Thanks for reminding me.” Part 24 Oh, Please! “Nope.” Snips trundled beside Snails looking up at him, “What do you mean nope?” “Nope, not talking about that. Let’s just concentrate on the sleepover.” Snails said, walking stiff legged, head high, out of the school. “I thought it was kind of cool.” First Base said bounding up beside Snips. “I kind of wondered where foals came from, but wow!” Snails found himself turning a little green, but kept walking, still awkwardly stiff. “Nope.” “You’re starting to sound like Big Mac,” Snips laughed. “Eeyup.” Snails countered, hardly blinking as he walked. “Oh relax, you’ve been acting weird ever since the female anatomy part.” Snips said, chuckling, “Now, to the club house!” “We… have a club house?” Snails asked as he picked up the pace. “Yeah, since when do you two have a clubhouse?” First Base inquired as he hurried to keep up with Snips. “If the girls can have one, so can we- dad said we could use it.” Snips said, and bounded into his back yard. The garden shed wasn’t huge, but it was large enough to have once held a wagon. It had a single door in the front, a window with shutters beside it. It was a single-story structure with a flat, sloped roof, overgrown with vines. “Ta-da!” Snips pointed to the shed, then opened the door. The floor was packed dirt, and light was provided by the window and a pair of oil lamps. An old, torn couch sat against the back wall along with two mismatched armchairs. A table sat beside the window, with the pizza, chips, popcorn, and drinks on it. Rubbing his hoof against the chipped white paint on the outside, Snails leaned inside, looking around: the walls were unpainted, and water stained the ground. The building smelled musty, and the lack of a fireplace or stove meant no heat in winter, and no place to cook. “Well, there’s a lot we could do with this.” Snails said, tilting his head, “Rarity might be able to give us some fabric to fix the sofa and chairs so they match, maybe some curtains too. The roof we could patch up and fix easily enough. Just a little bit of paint inside and out.” “Curtains?” First Base looked confused. “Make the couch and chairs match?” Snips blinked, “How long have you been hanging around Rarity recently? Seriously.” “I just…” Snails stopped and walked over. He sat down, disturbing the patina of dust on the chair. “See? It’s perfect!” Snips said as he bounded over and jumped up on the couch. “We have pizza and comics, and we can tell ghost stories!” Snails nodded, “Sounds fun.” “What kind of pizza?” First Base asked, sitting down by the table. “Apple, tomato, and alfalfa.” Snips said, getting a big piece and putting it on a paper plate. “So what’s Escargot really like? I bet you know a lot about her, since she lives at your place.” First base asked. “A total pain in the flank.” Snails groaned. “Why do you want to know?” “Because she’s so beautiful.” Snips said, and opening a scrapbook with a picture of the filly. “ARGH, NOPE!” Snails shook his head vigorously. “New topic!” Snips looked out the window and laughed, “Get in here.” A thump at the door caused Snails to jump for a moment, before relaxing and looking back to First Base. “Are you sure you’re cured of that love poison?” Rumble opened the door and trotted in. “The party can start now, Rumble’s in the club!” Snips laughed and pointed to the food. “So, what you colts talkin’ bout?” Rumble asked and sat on his haunches, munching on some caramel corn. First Base grumbled, “Snails is accusing me of still being love poisoned cuz I think Escargot is cute.” “Well she is.” Rumble said with a laugh. “Come on, what’s so cute about her?” Snails huffed. “Haven’t you seen the way she swishes her tail when she walks?” Rumble said, looking at Snails. Snips nodded, “Or that cute blush she gets on her ears when she’s confused or embarrassed?” “Oh! Oh! Oh! The way she tosses her mane when she looks around? It’s just so adorable!” Firstbase added. “Or the cute way she bites her lower lip.” Rumble added, getting nods from all the boys, “‘specially when she’s thinking.” “Oh, please.” Snails almost whined, ears burning in embarrassment, “Nope.” Snails shook his head quickly, “New topic.” “Well, what do you want to talk about?” Snips asked. “How about fixing this place up a little? It wouldn’t take much time or work.” Snails said. Rumble looked around, “It’s a little dirty, but who cares? It’s great!” “I was just thinking- have you seen the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ clubhouse?” Snails motioned around the room. “We could at least get a bit of color.” “If you want to do that, fine, but I’m just happy to have a place to call our own.” Snips said, throwing a candy apple at Snails playfully. Lighting his horn, Snails grabbed the apple out of the air and took a bite, humming happily. “This has got to be one of Bon Bon’s. She makes some of the best candy apples in town.” Snips nodded, “Tell me about it. She never really made these until one day when she had an excess of apples.” “How do you get too many apples?” First Base said, looking confused, “Well, enough to start selling candy apples?” Rumble munched on some of the pizza and chuckled, “Have a bad landing, bounce off four or five trees, and end up with apples everywhere?” “Umm, Bon Bon doesn’t fly.” First base said, shaking his head. “Neither does Derpy.” Rumble countered with a chuckle. “Hey, cut Derpy some slack, she tries hard, especially raising a daughter. She can’t be all bad if Dinky is so nice.” Snails said firmly. “Ohhh… someone likes Dinky.” Snips counter. “So that’s why you’re not interested in Escargot.” “I like her, but…” Snails shook his head, unsure of how to explain. “It’s not like I want to be her special somepony, I just think she’s a good pony, and Derpy must be a wonderful mom to raise a foal like her. So please, lay off Derpy.” “Wow, that’s new. What next? No mustache jokes?” Snips said, laughing. Rumble ducked his head, putting a pair of feathers to his nose, “The ‘stache is back.” First Base fell backwards laughing, “Oh man, remember when you, Spike, and Snails had ‘staches.” “Yeah, that was so cool!” Snips said, nodding. Snips lit the lanterns to counter the growing darkness outside. It was getting late, it was faster than usual, as clouds were moved over the town. Smiling Snips looked around the room, “Ghost story time.” First Base laughed evilly, “Now for the tale of The Terror of the Everfree!” The sound of rain pattering against the roof perked Snails’ ears. Looking around, he saw a few small drops inside the shed. ‘Argh, why couldn’t we have fixed this place up? It wouldn’t have taken long!’ Snails thought as he pulled his sleeping bag around him tighter. “Hey Snips?” Rumble looked around a moment, “Where’s the bathroom?” Snips laughed, “In the house. My parents said you could go inside and use that one, just don’t track dirt everywhere.” Looking out across the yard, through the rain, Snails blinked, then looked at the pop bottles. Forget ghost stories, this was already way more terrifying than Nightmare Moon. ‘Celestia, oh Celestia, please help.’