About an hour after dawn, Sunset glared at the little water machine in the cafeteria. Nopony had been in the halls when she’d arrived, as classes didn’t start for hours. After her mind’s little foray into dream theater, she hadn’t been able to get back to sleep. With the last couple of weeks she’d had, there was only one possible way she could be functional enough to do her part in today’s exam.
More coffee.
Sure, she’d been living off of it for the last week, but this was the last day.
One more. Just one more day.
Sunset sighed and levitated the coffee beans she brought with her out of her bag. One quick heating spell later and scalding hot water ran through the beans filtering into her cup. That cup—a massive mug she brought with her to GU from home—now held Sunset’s dark caffeinated elixir.
Sunset's eyes drooped and she felt herself slipping toward dozing. She shuddered and shook herself.
I can’t afford that, not today. I have to have more kick. I’m going to need it.
Sunset ran her brew through an impromptu coffee maker again. And again. And again.
She grumbled as she slurped a bit.
The things we do for success, she thought as she tossed six sugar cubes into the massive mug.
Despite the potent drink, Sunset was yawning when she finally arrived at the bottom level of Professor Polish’s classroom. She’d been yawning so hard her jaw kept popping, but she still went through her normal preparations, making sure most of the window curtains were open. She locked a window somepony had forgotten last night and checked on the various supplies. Finally, she headed for the center of the classroom. As expected, the cauldron was already there. Sunset stared at it and sighed.
Might as well get started.
She took another swig from the gigantic mug and tried not to grimace.
I’m so going to pay for this in a couple hours. But that’s okay. I just need to get through today. Then I’ll finally be done.
After that? She hadn’t figured that part out yet.
Sunset levitated the exam over to her desk before she fired up the small arcane heating element below the cauldron. With a sigh, she pulled open the lid, lifting the thick iron top with her magic. Even that felt heavy.
The base mixture inside the cauldron was a glimmering swirl of pale blues and golds. At first, she had thought the glowcoat potion would be a cool final. It required both precise timing and measurements during the mix, and was uncommon enough that it was likely only a few of the foals would even know about it. It wasn’t until she read the recipe more closely that she had realized the stock of the potion had to absorb both the light of three sunrises and three moonrises.
And of course, because the universe hated her, they had to be done on separate days with an extra day between for the light magic to be properly absorbed into the mixture.
She’d have abandoned it entirely, except the stock required several rare ingredients, which she had already put in and brewed. She’d been committed.
The potion was set to simmering, and Sunset watched it carefully. When no bubbles appeared on the surface, she sighed with satisfaction. She may be sleep-deprived to the point of zombiehood, emotionally exhausted and physically drained, but she was still Sunset Shimmer. And she was still the best. She could handle this.
No obnoxious dream could change that fact. She was the best at everything she did. She made sure of it.
Yeah, since you’re doing such a great job of this whole ‘friendship’ thing.
“Okay, next is a class-two flask of breezie pollen.”
Ever notice how much you’re talking to yourself lately?
Sunset shook her head, refusing to acknowledge the two obnoxious voices in her head. She added the contents of the flask and stirred gently with an elm stick. The edges of the cauldron burned a bright gold before fading.
“Next reagent is sixteen rose thorns, each cut lengthwise…”
A few other things went into the mixture, with various comments popping into her head from time to time.
“I should probably see a doctor about this,” Sunset muttered, managing to stifle the yawn this time. “I wonder if this is what a psychotic break feels like?”
No, this is just a crisis of conscience.
“This has nothing to do with conscience!”
She checked the clock on the wall. She needed to wait five more minutes before the next ingredients were added.
Really? Then why the doubt? Why the regret? Why the remorse?
“There is nothing wrong with me!” Sunset shouted to the empty room. “I am just fine!”
“Shouting to oneself within the confines of an empty classroom does not indicate a stable mental state, Miss Shimmer.”
Sunset winced and looked up to see Professor Polish at the top of the stairs.
“I didn’t see you there, Professor.”
“I gathered as much.”
Polish trotted down the steps and glanced into the cauldron. She studied the mixture for a few moments before nodding in approval.
“I don’t believe I ever told you how impressed I was with your concept for the exam,” Polish said with another nod. “Especially considering how much work was required to create the stock.”
“Frankly, I would have done something easier if I had known what I was getting into.”
“And so even the mighty Miss Shimmer learns.” Polish trotted over to her desk and dropped her saddlebags onto it before taking a sip from her own teacup. Polish only ever sipped. No other word could describe the motion. “There may be hope for you yet.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Sunset muttered.
“I beg to differ.” Polish sat down in her chair and turned to face Sunset. “I should tell you Sunset… I wasn’t overly enthused by the idea of taking you on. An aide to a professor at Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns is a prestigious position. It carries great weight in the academic world. There were many other applicants who were far more qualified for it, both in training and disposition.”
“Then why did you agree to it?” Sunset went to her own desk and started sorting through the exams. She’d sorted them a dozen ways already, but she couldn’t bring herself to meet the professor’s eyes.
“She asked me to.”
Huh? Oh, of course. The Princess.
“That simple, huh?”
“As her student, you should know how powerful a simple request can be when it is from her.”
“It shouldn’t be. Nopony should have that kind of sway over others.”
“I doubt you mean that. After all, I believe that is exactly what you are after.”
What in Equestria is going on here? Is she reading my mind? Does she know something?
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Miss Shimmer, you leave a lot to be desired, both as a pony and as an aide.” Polish’s voice never changed. Her inflections, her tone and everything else about the words didn’t alter in the slightest. That’s what made it so unnerving. “You’re volatile, arrogant, often belligerent and occasionally defiant. You’ve caused a lot of damage during your time here.”
“Then why did you keep me around?” Sunset growled. She still refused to look at the professor.
“Because I started to see what I believe Princess Celestia sees: a chance for something greater.”
Sunset finally met the professor’s eyes. “I’m already great. And I’m becoming greater every day.”
It sounded hollow, even to herself.
“Greatness is nothing if nopony sees it. If nopony knows your name, do you truly have a legacy? Surely you’ve heard the poem about Ozymanedias?”
Sunset shrugged. Poetry was for sentimental saps and ponies too weak to actually say anything worthwhile. She’d read some, but she usually hated it.
“‘…And on the pedestal these words appear: 'My name is Ozymanedias, king of kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!’”
“I’ve heard it in passing,” Sunset grudgingly admitted. Celestia had assigned it to her at the beginning of the school year.
“Perhaps you recall the rest?” Polish asked. “‘Nothing beside remains. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away.’ Perhaps you should experience the original in its entirety. We recently received several experience cores from the Royal Canterlot Archives of notable poems from that era. If you put in a request to the school librarian, I’m sure you’ll be permitted access to one or two.”
Polish seemed to hesitate and grimaced slightly. “At the moment they’re in Alchemical Storage C, I believe. For some reason.”
Sunset blinked.
That doesn’t seem right. Why would they be there?
“No, I apologize,” Polish corrected herself with a sigh. “They’re in Alchemical Storage B due to some mishap with the school’s library vault.”
Sunset rolled her eyes. “Is there a point in bringing up ancient history, Professor?”
Polish paused for a moment, studying Sunset with a critical eye. Finally, she sighed.
“Greatness can be forgotten, just as nopony remembered Ozymanedias. In the poem, his name is lost to history. You certainly have the potential. The question is… do you realize it? Or do you waste it?”
“I’m not planning on wasting anything. I’m going to get everything I deserve.”
Professor Polish slumped and she swallowed, her eyes looking haunted for just a moment before she regained her composure.
“Sunset, I speak to you now not as a professor, nor as a friend, but a pony who has lived a great deal longer than you. One does not always want what one deserves. In truth, it is a rare event where we fully receive that which we deserve. What we think we deserve and what that truly is… are almost always vastly different.”
“Stop speaking in riddles!” Sunset shouted, her anger flaring. “Enough philosophy and poetry! If you have something to say to me, say it!”
“Very well.” Polish rose to her hooves and stepped over to Sunset. “Today, you have a choice in how events will go. You will live with the consequences of your actions for the rest of your life. And unless you are very cautious, I fear you will get precisely what you deserve.”
Sunset’s heart skipped a beat as she stared at the professor.
“What are you talking about?”
Polish sighed and shook her head. “If you can feign ignorance that easily, I fear there is little I can do to dissuade you. Still, I will allow you to proceed in the vain hope that you may yet redeem yourself.”
Sunset gaped and tried to come up with something to say, but the words didn’t come.
What in Equestria does she think I’m doing?
Polish sighed and headed back up the stairs.
“Of course, I will check your stock before the start of class. Professor Clear and Dean Slate will verify my results. We shall also be inspecting your examinations.”
“You’ve already checked it!” Sunset protested. “You checked it last night. And you checked it right now.”
“Indeed,” Polish said as she reached the door, “but my students must come first.”
With that, the professor departed.
What in the world was that all about?
Sunset almost went after her, but stopped when she looked at the clock.
With a curse, she scrambled over to the cauldron, quickly pulled out the vials of powdered nirnroot and sliced dreamfoil. With a deft flash of her magic, she emptied both of them into the cauldron. Her heart hammering in her chest, Sunset watched the pattern in the potion stock carefully.
Oh please, not now. Don’t let it have settled. No, no, no…
Sunset let out an enormous sigh when the swirls of blue and gold shifted to lavender and red for a moment before fading back.
Now she was just annoyed. Polish had distracted her from making sure the potion stock was ready with stupid quotes from equally stupid poems and even more stupid philosophical concepts.
Was she trying to sabotage me?
The final part of the stock had to be added right before it was used, so now all Sunset had to do was wait.
Great, just my reflection, my shadow, and me.
Parts of the conversation echoed as a few pieces began to connect.
Perspective. Knowledge. Experience.
You said you wanted to be just like her, a little voice pointed out.
Could that be a solution? No matter what, Celestia had lived for over a millennium. A thousand years of experience and knowledge. That was one area in which we could never compete.
This is one solution. And since you’re so afraid of the other one…
It was possible. It was actually possible.
Sunset tried to fight back another yawn, but lost this particular battle.
Maybe if I—
She started as the door opened, and watched Moon Dancer stop at the top of the stairs. The school chimes sounded on the hour.
What? I should still have—
Moon Dancer was always early on test days. She liked to study in the classroom and mentally prepare herself for whatever lay ahead.
But not this early…
Then she understood. The bell had rung not twice, but three times. Had she really been staring into space for that long?
Sunset expected Twilight Sparkle to be right beside Moon Dancer. Instead, Cinnamon Tart followed behind her, talking with Moon Dancer in low tones.
Tart froze at the sight of her, her face a picture of panic. As Moon Dancer’s gaze slid to Sunset, a chill ran through her. Sunset swallowed nervously.
This is it, Sunset. This is your last chance. After today, it’ll be over. The term ends and she’ll be off to do whatever she’ll be doing during summer. By fall, her mind will be made up. And then what?
Tart looked at Moon Dancer. Moon Dancer looked at Sunset. And Sunset stared at the two of them.
Then, very slowly, Moon Dancer began to descend the stairs. Cinnamon Tart watched for a short time before scrambling to her own seat. Sunset hardly noticed.
She swallowed again, wondering what she was going to say. What she was going to do. Both of those damn voices were screaming in her head. One demanding she talk, the other demanding she ignore.
What do you want, Sunset? Red demanded. To get what we want, you need to leave the baggage behind!
Who do you want to be, Sunset? Yellow pleaded. Do you want to be like Celestia? Really like her? Then you know what to do.
Moon Dancer stopped at the front row…
Sunset realized she was holding her breath, and let it out slowly.
Moon Dancer turned, walked a few steps and sat down in her chair. She pulled out The Alchemy of Chemistry and started reading.
It’s your turn, Sunset. It’s time to make a choice.
Is it worth it? she asked the voices in her head. Is it really worth it?
One replied with a resounding no that echoed through her skull.
The other reminded her of the last few days.
Sunset felt the weight of the flask in her bag. She’d forgotten about it after her little breakdown last night, and there it was, gently digging into her side.
Sunset took a deep breath and walked forward.
“So, the great and powerful Sunset Shimmer decides to grace me with her presence,” Moon Dancer muttered. She didn’t bother looking up. “How wonderful for you to come down off your pedestal and talk with us lesser ponies.”
Sunset squashed the bubble of rage threatening to overwhelm her.
“Did I actually make you cry?”
Moon Dancer looked up, her eyes wide and confused for a moment before hardening. Sunset blinked. She hadn’t been expecting that to be the first thing to come out of her mouth.
“What, you’re going to pretend like you care?” Moon Dancer demanded. “I was in the crowd when you tore into Cinnamon. I watched you scream at her. I watched her sob her eyes out. You didn’t seem to care much then, just like the Sunset we all remember.”
Sunset worked her jaw. All the sarcastic responses she wanted to throw at Moon Dancer seemed stupid and foalish now.
“I screwed up.”
“You do that a lot.”
Sunset closed her eyes and forced herself to take a deep breath.
You could make it a little easier on me, Moon Dancer.
She’s not going to. Stop wasting your time with her!
She has every right to be angry with you. You earned this. It’s something you have to endure.
Sunset opened her eyes again and stared into the rock-hard gaze of Moon Dancer.
“You didn’t answer my question.” Through some miracle, Sunset’s voice was level.
“Why do you want to know?”
And there is was. Why did she really want to know? A thousand answers came to mind. All of them were lies. So, she dug deeper until that tiny voice gave her the real one. She stared at the answer and hated herself. She hated herself for being weak. For being so weak she’d let Moon Dancer get to her and for being so weak she actually cared.
“Because I want to know how much I should apologize for.”
“Apologize?” Moon Dancer sputtered with a laugh. “You? Oh, this is must be a new part of the con, Shimmer. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve had me duped for months. I thought you actually cared about me. I was an idiot.”
“I—” Sunset’s mouth moved, but no futher sound came out.
“No!” Moon Dancer growled. “You don’t get to interrupt! You’re always the one with the snarky response. Now you shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me. You barely appreciate anything I do. You push me around and push me away.”
Moon Dancer’s eyes hardened even further.
“I haven’t forgotten all the stuff you did last year. And I’ve heard about all the stuff you did in the years before that. The last few days, I’ve heard a lot of stories, Sunset. Stories about you stealing money from colts and fillies. Blackmailing older students to make sure they didn’t come close to your academic scores. Stories about what you’ve been planning and the little thing you’re intending to do today!”
“What are you—”
“Don’t lie to me!” Moon Dancer shouted, jumping to her hooves. “You should at least have the decency to not look me in the eye when you lie to me like that! All this year has been a game to you. A joke to lure everypony into a false sense of security. But guess what? We know you’re up to something. Everypony in school knows it. The teachers know it. I wouldn’t be surprised if your precious Princess knows it!”
Sunset took a few steps back, gaping at Moon Dancer.
“What really makes me mad…” Moon Dancer’s eyes were blazing with fury. “What really makes me want to scream… is that I actually believed you cared. But you just… dismissed me. Don’t you get it, Shimmer? Don’t you understand? Do you have any idea how thrilled I was when you offered to tutor me? Huh? Do you?”
Sunset shook her head.
“I was ecstatic! I thought maybe, just maybe, I had value. That I mattered. That somepony thought I might be special! That the prized student of the Princess herself wanted to help me. Me of all ponies! I thought it meant something.”
Moon Dancer sat back in her seat, her rage spent. She sounded like she was very near tears again. “And it did. It meant I was stupid. I was naive. And now? I’m ashamed for ever trusting you.”
Moon Dancer looked ready to spit on her.
“So, you want to know if I cried the other day? Yes. I sobbed my eyes out for the rest of the day. When you laughed at me, I realized… that was the last straw. I knew what I really was to you: a joke. Well, I’m not going to be your joke anymore, Shimmer. I’m done. Go find somepony else to torment.”
With that, she buried her head in her book.
Sunset just stared at her… until she realized there were a lot more eyes on her than there had been a few minutes ago.
Half the class had arrived during Moon Dancer’s tirade. All of them were watching her. Sunset couldn’t figure out what any of them were thinking. She was usually so good at reading other ponies, save for the Princess. But now… every single face was a mystery to her. In fact, they were blurry.
Sunset blinked a few more times and realized why they were blurry.
She was…
She had something in her eye. She needed to clean it out before the exam started.
“Moon Dance—”
“Sunset Shimmer,” a voice on the PA system interrupted. “Your presence is required in Alchemical Storage B. Immediately.”
Sunset recognized the voice of Professor Polish. But… she… she needed to fix this.
The bridge is burned, Sunset. No point in trying to bring back life to something that’s long dead.
Sunset opened her mouth and tried to figure out something to say.
“Sunset Shimmer, report to Alchemical Storage B immediately,” Professor Polish called once more.
“Moon Dancer,” Sunset whispered. She must have inhaled a few bad reagents because her throat felt raw and dry. “If it matters…”
She levitated the scuffed and battered flask out of her saddlebags, and set it gently on Moon Dancer’s desk. The glass around the lip had chipped a little, but the cork still held.
“I do think you’re special.”
Moon Dancer’s head darted up from the book. Her dark purple eyes glittered like amethysts in the dead of night as she glared at the flask.
“...You’re just lying again,” she muttered.
Sunset shook her head. “No. I didn’t decide to tutor somepony for the right reasons, but the reason I chose you was because you were the only pony who might be able to keep up.”
Moon Dancer rolled her eyes. Sunset didn’t really blame her.
“It’s true. I know it doesn’t matter anymore, but it’s true.”
“Miss Shimmer!” Dean Slate’s voice boomed through the intercom. “Alchemical Storage B immediately!”
Sunset turned away and headed up the stairs. The fillies and colts made a path for her. Sunset didn’t bother looking at any of them.
So much for friendship. It has potential in theory… but useless in practice.
She opened the door and moved out into the crowded hallway, striking out down the south corridor toward Alchemical Storage B. She barely registered the fact that everypony was staring at her. She didn’t care.
I’d rather take Remedial Calculus than handle this anymore.
She rubbed at her eyes, trying to get the bit of dust out. Her vision refused to clear.
I guess Moon Dancer made my decision for me. That simplifies things.
A lot.