Boo! Haunted House!

by shortskirtsandexplosions


Trick

Red-eyed rats squeaked along the fringes of the grimey dungeon. A hunchback stallion in an executioner's mask cackled with demented bloodlust, rubbing his forelimbs together. A poor damsel—her carefree years of joy now exhausted—shrieked from deep within a rattling iron maiden as it slowly murdered her. In the flickering hellish torchlight, the mare shook against the claustrophobic torture device impaling her from all sides. She reached a hoof out through the rusted lid and grasped desperately at the dank dungeon air. Thick, syrupy blood dribbled off her fetlock while her shrieks reached a fever pitch

And yet, the abominable cacophony of all these horrible things were soon drowned out by the high-pitched shrieks of a wandering illusionist.

Trixie's muzzle was as wide open as she could allow it. She teetered back, hoofy-kicking at the grotesque scene transpiring in front of her. Bellowing howls of terror emanated from her otherwise dainty throat.

The "damsel" inside the hard plastic container stopped screaming—just long enough to blink at Trixie through the rubbery spikes bending against her figure. The executioner flinched away from the magician, his rear hooves crushing a foam rat with battery-operated eyes along the spray-painted floor of the room.

And yet—as the cheap red lighting billowed through the fan-blown "flames" of a torch—Trixie continued teetering, shrieking, teetering, shrieking...

With a nervous smile, Starlight Glimmer swiftly trotted across the room and grasped Trixie by the shoulder—barely restraining the flailing equine. "Ahem..." She hoisted the sorceress aside. "...calm down, Trixie. It's just a show."

"But h-h-her shrieks were s-s-so reeeeeal!" Trixie stammered between wheezing breaths, her beady eyes dancing between the fake "brick" walls of the "dungeon."

"Trixie-ie-ie-ieeee..." Starlight giggled breathily at the trail end of pronouncing her best friend's name. "It's called acting. Y'know..." She winked. "Like you do on stage?"

"But the Gr-Gr-Great and P-P-Powerful Trixie n-n-never uses blood!"

"It's raspberry jam!" Starlight leaned over a series of plastic chains to scoop up a puddle of crimson juices. "Here! Have a taste—"

"Nooooo!" Trixie batted the other unicorn's hoof away—only to cling tight to her side as if instantly sorry for the gesture. Her tender trembles shook the two of them together. "I don't want any p-p-part of this ghastly scene!"

"But Trixie—!" Starlight rolled her eyes and smiled at the two performers. "It's her first Haunted House."

The executioner cackled. The damsel inside the iron maiden resumed screaming. Confused, worried ponies stuck their heads in from beyond the furthest curtain behind the two mares.

"Come on, Trixie," Starlight said with a smirk. She dragged her hyperventilating friend towards the door beyond the scene. "Let's get to the next room already before we hold up the line."

"I-I-I-I don't g-g-g-get it!" Trixie was full of quivers and shivers. She practically draped over Starlight's flank, her rear hooves dragging beneath her starry cape as she gazed every which way with widely-blinking eyes. "So much misery and macabre! How can ponies actually celebrate such a display?!" A fierce, fuzzy frown. "Somepony explain this to Trixie at once!"

"It's Nightmare Night!" Starlight chirped pleasantly as they both shuffled down a crooked corridor echoing with ghoulish cackles. "Ponies celebrate creepy and crawly stuff once a year every year! But—y'know—maybe you've been too busy traveling on the road to stop by and notice?"

"Hmmmf!" Trixie regained enough strength to trot upright, her nose tilted at a haughty angle. "I know very well what Nightmare Night is! Trixie wasn't born yesterday, Starlight."

"Heehee—of course not—"

"I belong to the proud Lulamoon Family! My aristocratic ancestors fought alongside warriors of the Lunar Empire at the Great Battle of Whinniepeg!"

"And nopony's denying that—"

"So!" Trixie huffed, marching ahead of Starlight. "If you think I'm somehow ill-prepared for the downright carney simplicity of festive fright gags, then you have another thing coming—"

The two trotted through a curtain and straight into a room filled to the brim with giant rubber spiders dangling on elastic strings.

"HISSSSSSS!" A fucshia mare with six eyes—two normal and four googly—dangled from an enormous web, waving eight rubber pinchers. "I AM THE SPIDER QUEEEEEEN!"

"AAAAAAAAAIEEEEE!" Trixie clenched her eyes shut and immediately leapt backwards, falling into Starlight's arms. "They're everywhere!"

"MWAHAHAHA!" The Spider Queen laughed as a fog machine billowed mist between the legs of the dangling rubber arachnids orbiting her.

Starlight was a wave of giggles, and all of them crashing against Trixie's raised hairs. "Mrmmmff—!" She grasped Trixie and pushed her away so that her muzzle wasn't shoved into Trixie's floofy chest any longer. "Trixie! Snkkkt—hehehehe—seriously, you alright, girl?"

"Gnnnngh!" Trixie hung limply from Starlight's neck as she wept into her sternum. "I haaa-aaaa-aaate spiii-iii-iiiders!"

"What?" Starlight giggle-snorted. "Since when?!"

"They're s-s-so much like changelinnnngs!"

Starlight rolled her eyes with a smirk. "Oh bother."

"My goodness!" a soft voice cooed.

Starlight looked over.

Grimacing, the "Spider Queen" held a pensive hoof to her worried, fuzzy face. "Is... is she going to be okay...?"

"Ahem..." Starlight squinted back at her. "You're breaking character, Miss Cheerilee."

"Oh! Uhm... alrighty, then!" The eight legged abomination shook the web she was perched on, hissing through plastic mandibles. "FEED ON THEIR LIVERS, MY TINY VENOMOUS PRETTIES! FEEEEEED! MWAAAHAHAHAHA!"

"Aaaaaaaah—!" Trixie scampered and wriggled and scuffled to get away—but all she did was cling even tighter to Starlight's chest. "N-not my liver! That's Trixie's greatest and m-most powerful organ!"

Starlight fought a valiant battle to contain her laughter. With a swift burst of magic, she propelled the two of them across the room, batting away swinging spiders in a jiggling wave. The two landed in a "torch"-lit hallway of the labyrinthine attraction outside.

"Trixie, I don't get it!" Starlight exclaimed, setting the adoracute sideshow performer back down on her adoracute hooves. "Why are you still so afraid of changelings?" With a sympathetic smile, she reached forward and straightened the mare's wizard hat. "They all converted to good, remember?"

As the starry brim lifted, it revealed a pouty face with puppy dog eyes. "The Queen's still evil!" Her blue lower lip stuck out with extra blueness. "And she could lay tons more eggs full of super evil bug ponies!"

"Yeah, so?" Starlight winked. "I think we can take 'em!"

"R-really?" Trixie gasped with an ounce of hope.

Just then, a "cobblestone" panel in the wall opened wide, and several "zombie ponies" stuck their hooves out, grabbing and yanking at Trixie's cape. "Ponnyyyyy brainnnnnss!"

"Aaaaah!" Trixie flinched for the umpteenth time with the umpteenth shriek. She yanked her cloak away from the performers and shook an angry hoof at them. "Back! Stay back from Trixie! Trixie will put a spell on you!" Her teeth rattled. "It'll be a very smelly spell!"

Starlight laughed and hugged Trixie from behind.

"It's not f-funny!" Trixie's cheeks puffed like ripe blueberries. "Grrrr! Why are we even in this den of iniquity and parlor prank charlatans?!"

"B-because...!" Starlight wiped a tear loose and smirked. "After all that business with Chrysalis, I decided to make Ponyville my new home at long last. That means getting myself acquainted with all of their traditions."

"Including the s-s-sideshow horrors of a third-rate Nightmare Night pr-production?"

Starlight nodded, smiling bashfully. "As silly as it may sound... yeah." She brushed her bangs back and toed the floor. Campy circus noises and artificial monster roars echoed beyond the flimsy walls. "Nightmare Night is super important to Ponyvilleans. And considering that not that far from here is where Princess Luna was finally cleansed of her disharmonious spirit—"

"But Trixie doesn't understand why it all has to be so... so..."

"Scary?"

"Grrrr!" Blue hooves stomped. "Trixie didn't say she was scared!"

"Eughhh..." Starlight rolled her eyes again. "It's okay, Trixie. Really. It is." With a soft smile, she pointed at four red words glowing in the corner. "They have exits all over this place. If you're too skittish, we can ditch the rest of the rooms and... I dunno... go back to Sweet Apple Acres and join Twilight and the rest in bobbing for apples."

"But you've looked forward to this... 'Haunted House' pageantry for a long time!"

Starlight shrugged. "I'm not enjoying it if you're not. Let's go."

"No!"

"Huh?"

"You heard Trixie!" Tossing her mane back, Trixie spun around and trotted firmly for the next room beyond a series of fake flouncing spider webs and dangling skeletons. "I'm not about to ruin your very first Nightmare Night in Ponyville!"

"Trixie..."

"I mean it!" The illusionist reached the glittery curtains and looked back with a smug grin. "You invited Trixie to a special event, and it's only fitting that Trixie step up to the challenge! Hmmmf! Isn't that what friends do? Inspire each other to be brave?"

Starlight rubbed her head. "Well... uh... sure! But—"

"But nothing! Let us enjoy the rest of this... dismal display!" Trixie marched boldly through the curtain. "Bring it on! Trixie is ready for anything!"

"WELCOME!" Dr. Hooves' voice cackled against the buzz of electricity and the whirring of machinery. "TO THE WHEEL FACTORY OF DOOOOOOM!"