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// -62- Some Surprises, Freezing Brains, and a Green Cake 
// Story: The Anthropologist 
// by Weavers of Dreams 
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"Does this mean I have to go to a wedding?" Henry asked, after signing his own name on the adoption forms, which had to be explained to him. But, he had never been adopted before, so it was understandable. His mouthwriting was atrocious, which that was to be expected with his lack of experience.

Lyra, having finished signing the forms as well, hugged up the colt, who was now her son, and proceeded to nuzzle his head. "Nah. A wedding's traditionally only for the first wife."

Bon Bon huffed indignantly. "Screw tradition. If you want a wedding, you can have a wedding."

Pinkie quickly pulled a bouquet of red roses and a lacey garter from her mane, her expression like a firework had just gone off in her head. That is to say she was smiling incredibly wide. A nuclear holocaust would seem more like an epic lightshow to her.

Lyra just rolled her eyes at Bon Bon's suggestion. "Ugh. Com'on. A wedding is really nothing more than a ridiculous formality some ponies insist on. I think I'd rather skip right to the dessert, if you know what I mean?"

Pinkie tossed the items aside with a snort. "Pfft, never mind then."

"Well, a little celebration is in order, none-the-less," Bon Bon stated, turning to address Mrs. Cake. But instead found the Pie.

"Ah, don't worry about a thing, my dear Bon Bon," she said with a flourish on her hoof. "I've got it all covered. Bring down the house, Screwball."

With that, the filly who had been waiting relatively patiently on the ceiling, let out a whoop that could have mistaken for some savage war cry, and let lose the canvas. Balloons and confetti fell upon the gathered ponies, along with a swirly-eyed filly who landed with a thud and a giggle. In that order.

In case anyone thought she might have hurt herself, she picked herself up off of the floor with a whoop and gestured towards the canvas. "Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to Pinkie's first ever event where she didn't send out a single invitation."

"Welcome to the celebration of Lyra Heartstrings' union with Noteworthy's herd and the subsequent adoption of her son, Henry Mindell," Lyra read aloud with a gasp in surprise. Then her face twisted. "Um. Isn't that a title a little long and...well, refined... for a Pinkie party?"

Pinkie appeared beside her and blew a raspberry. "This isn't a party, silly. It's an event. That's why I only invited your friends, so they could celebrate with you. Oh, and Henry, your friends should be arriving right about... now."

The door to Sugarcube Corner opened up and in marched, or rather, tumbled a group of laughing and squealing colts and fillies.

"I win," came Scootaloo's muffled voice from beneath the jovial pile.

A few seconds later, a rather out-of-breath Sweetie Belle staggered in and climbed to the top of the pile to look around. "Hey. I think we just arrived at a Pinkie party."

The poor filly. The pile beneath her hooves practically exploded, sending her flying.

"A Pinkie Party?"

"Why weren't we told anything?"

"Where's the dessert table?"

"Screw that, is Rainbow Dash here?"

"Over here, squirt."

"Awesome."

"Who's the party for?"

"Uh, there's the banner. It says, Lyra and Henry 'ave joined Mr. Noteworthy's herd. Omigosh. This ain't a party. It's an event."

"See, Lyra, even the foals know the difference."

"I get it, Pinkie."

"Were we invited?"

"'Course we are. We're Henry's friends ain't we?"

"Unless it's one of those adult only things."

"No one's telling us to leave."

Lyra chuckled and set Henry back upon the ground. "As much as I want to hug you for hours on end. I think you need to go and play with your friends. This is a party..."

"Event," Pinkie corrected her with a snappy tone.

Lyra gave Pinkie a look. "Whatever, just go have some fun."

Henry happily did as he was told, rushing to the foals, who greeted and congratulated him. Then they all hurried of as one in search of fun in a cloud of dust.

"What games are there to play?"

"I hope we're not late. It would be a shame if it was almost over."

"Let's have a milkshake race."

Lyra smiled as they disappeared into the crowd. Then, as she was about to go find something to do herself, she felt a tap on her shoulder. Turning, she found Mrs. Cake and Nurse Redheart.

"Why didn't you tell me you were sterile?" Redheart all but demanded, keeping her voice low. "I've seen your medical records. How could that and the fact you're human be a nonexistent part of that?"

Lyra gave her an apologeticly nervous smile. "Well, as for how you never knew I was human... not many know about the aligned for a reason. It's to help us integrate better with the society that we're permanently stuck in. It was developed a long time ago after the mishaps in the discovery of the second aligned. To keep us from being treated as freaks of nature. As for why I'm barren..."

She paused a moment to think up an appropriate answer. "You know what happens when a pony falls in love with a donkey, right? They make a mule, or a hinny. Wonderful people mostly. But, because of the hybridization, they are unable to have children of their own. Which made many ponies think of them as a lower species for generations, until the reformation a hundred or so years ago. The same could almost be said for the aligned."

"Now you're confusing me," Redheart groaned, rubbing her head. "So you're not a pony, but a human mixed? Like an amalgamation?"

Lyra shook her head. "No. I am one hundred percent pony... while at the same time one hundred percent human."

"I think you need to explain things a little better than that," Mrs. Cake said, patting the poor nurse's back in a soothing way. "Try to keep it simple. For me as well, dear."

Lyra shrugged. "I'll try. I guess you could call it a quantum anomaly. Does that sound too much like meaningless technobabble? Anyway. My body is completely pony, from the blood in my veins to the hormones I experience." Here she paused to take a quick look at the blue stallion, was being dragged about by Bon Bon in an ecstatic fit of dancing. "But the impression I resonate is very human, and my body knows this. So, if I were to... er, engage in coitus with a certain stallion, my impression would not recognize his sperm as a compatible source of cell fusion for my eggs. And, were I to do the same with a human male, my pony body would do the same."

"So, you're actually fertile?" Redheart asked, quirking her brow as her head spun. "But you're ovaries cannot accept any form of insemination? Am I understanding this correctly?"

Lyra nodded.

"W-what about the potion used in causing incompatible species to have healthy children?"

"My body rejects that as well," Lyra said with a far off look in her eye. "I was contacted by the Anthropological Society headquarters to do a trial run for aligned. Seeing I was the only living one in existence at the time, I felt it was my duty for future generations. But, as soon as I drank the stuff, my body immediately just hurled it up, right in the face of the medical staff that was on stand by. It was tried several times, always with the same result."

"You're body refused to accept something that would make you compatible with a stallion?" The nurse gave her a pitying look. "What about an injection? Straight to the blood stream?"

"The strangest sweat I never want to experience again." Lyra shuddered at the memory. "And don't even ask me about the suppository trial."

Mrs. Cake turned a bit green as she tried not to think about it. Redheart, on the other hand, had seen her fair share of "things" in the hospital, so she wasn't as affected. She instead gave the mint mare a tight hug.

"You poor thing," she sniffed. "To think, all these years, with my talk of wanting to help you birth you babies and teach you the art of breastfeeding, I was hurting you so much."

"Actually, you were always a pleasure to talk to," Lyra chuckled as she returned the hug. "In a way, it was very nice, almost like hearing someone cheering me on, keeping me optimistic about the future. Like, maybe there'll be a better potion at some point, one my body won't try to expel like a water cannon."

Mrs. Cake turned a lot greener.

"Maybe someday," the white mare said, releasing the unicorn from the hug, and giving her a bright smile. "I do hope to be the one to deliver your babies if it ever does become possible. You will remember me, right?"

"Of course I will, you silly pony," Lyra chuckled.

suddenly, there were cries of anguish, and all eyes turned in shock to see what had happened.

Several colts and one orange pegasus filly were rolling on the ground, clutching their heads and crying. Half-empty milkshake glasses lay spilt up the table. The other fillies and a couple colts just sat there, staring at a joyboy one of the colt's was playing as they slowly sipped their milkshakes.

"That's my boy, right there," Lyra beamed, pointing towards the green colt who was not rolling on the floor with a brain-freeze.

Mrs. Cake, finally having managed to swallow what was in her mouth, took a sip from a glass of water offered by Pinkie and placed a hoof about Lyra's withers. "I told you that you'd be a great mother someday. I will be very surprised and disappointed if you prove me wrong."

Lyra nuzzled the chubby mare's cheek. "Don't worry about a thing. Mrs. Cake. I will give up my life for him, if necessary."

"That's our Lyra," the blue pony chuckled and embraced Lyra and tight hug. She was much stronger than she looked, and Lyra found herself gasping for air. "Whoops, sorry there."

The good doctor was too happy to be upset.