"Well, well, well. Its finally my turn to say somthing. And for those of you how don't know who i am, I'm the so called Co Arthor. Now to finally speak my mind... CHAPTER IN YO FACE!"
I wake up to the birds sing outside the window and the sun shining into my eyes. I decide to keep my eyes closed to spare myself the pain of the sun's bright light. I can feel a light pressure on my chest. Not knowing what it is I bring up my hand to my face and block the sunlight so i can open my eyes. On my chest i see Rainbow Dash sleeping soundly and snoring quietly. Oh my god she so cute. This is the perfect moment. The birds are singing, the sun is slowly rising and Dashie is sleeping on my chest providing a comfortable warmth. Nothing can ruin this moment. ‘WASAAAAAAP!’ Ok, that did the trick. You really can’t give me a moment of peace, can you? ‘I can, I just don’t want to.’ Aah. Well anyway, what’s up on today’s agenda? ‘We have an agenda? Why was I not informed of this?’ We don’t have an agenda I was just wondering what we’re gonna do today. ‘So, you lied to me? lying to someone is the worst possible thing you can do.’ ...Was that what i think it was? ‘...Yes. Just wondering, how long are you gonna talk to me and do absolutely nothing when there’s a creeper to your left?’ ...A *gulp* creeper? ‘Yeah, I had nothing to do so i made a creeper that will explode if you make any sudden movements.’ WHY? ‘Dunno.’
I look over to my left and sure enough there’s a creeper. Moving slowly I lift Dash up from my chest and notice that the so called creeper is nothing more than a stuffed animal. I put Dash down on the bed. A stuffed animal? ‘Wow, I didn’t think you would notice it that fast. Congrats.’ So I get a stuffed creeper? YES! BEST. GIFT EVER! ‘You can keep it if you do three small things for me.’ And what are those? ‘One: Use it to scare the shit out of Nova, two: I want you to help me pull a prank on the entire village. And four, no, three: Don’t eat pears, i HATE pears.’ What is with you and doctor who references? ‘They’re epic. Need i say more?’ Guess not. I decided to wake Dash up but i didn’t know how to without pissing her off. ‘Over the rainbow?’ Good idea. I get out of bed and head over to the ukulele i got from Nova yesterday and picked it up. ‘Don’t play it yet.’ Why? ‘You need to tune it first.’ ...Um. I don’t know how to do that. ‘...Ok, you know what. I’m not a morning person so.’ I lose control of my hands and they start to tune the ukulele. How can you do that, I didn’t give you control? ‘Like i said, I’m not a morning person so i skipped that part. Lets see... Done.’ Wow you’re good. I regain control of my hands and sat down on the side of the bed and started to play over that rainbow. As i started playing the song she woke up and rubbed her eyes before looking at me with a questioning look. I close my eyes to fully concentrate on the song.
“Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Once in a lullaby ii ii iii
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really do come true ooh ooooh
Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me ee ee eeh
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops that’s where you'll find me oh
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
And the dream that you dare to, oh why, oh why can't I? i iiii
Someday I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me ee ee eeh
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top that's where you'll find me
Oh, Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I? I hiii ?”
I slowly open my eyes and turned to Dash who sat on the bed looking at me with a smile. “That was beautiful Dave. Were did you learn to play that song?”
“Well one day I found my dads old ukulele and i really liked that song so I started to practice it with a little help from my good old friend, Internet. But forget about that, what did you think of the song?”
“Well to be honest the song was kind of slow for my taste but the lyrics were awesome. Still i liked it.” She stands up on the bed and walks over to me, wraps her hooves around my neck and kisses me. OMG she’s kissing me. What do I do? What do I do. ‘Now you must choose. You can either kiss her back and you will both be happy, you can move back and break the kiss which will make her think you’re not interested in her or, one of my personal favorites, use your tongue and you will take it one step too far, but still. TONGUE!’ Ok tongue. Wait, NO! No tongue. ‘Aww party pooper.’ Somewhere in ponyville a pink mare's mane deflated. I wrap my arms around Dash and hold her close as i closed my eyes. After a few seconds we break the kiss and look into each others eyes.
“Wow, that was. Wow, wouldn’t mind doing THAT again.”
“Yeah, but could you keep it a secret. I Don’t think everyone would agree with it.”
“I’m sure your friends would be ok with it but if you’re sure. My lips are sealed”
“Thanks” ‘I wonder if Pinkie would throw a “Ranbows first kiss party?’
“Oh no.”
“What’s wrong?”
“...Dark”
“...Buck” ‘Well I’ll see you later, I got a party to plan, see ya.’
“Well there goes that secret. Sorry Dashie.”
“What’s wrong with him anyway, can’t he stop being a jerk for five seconds?”
“Doubt it”
“Well anyway, are you gonna go to the concert that’s being held in ponyville in three days?”
“Concert?”
“Yeah, there’s this band that pop up a few weeks ago and they’ve held a concert every other day. The band is called ‘The Impure’ They’ve even asked Celestia if she could come. She had a meeting with the band yesterday after she left ponyville.”
“What did she say?”
“Dunno, but I think the Equestria Daily will tell us.”
“Well what are we waiting for? Lets go eat some breakfast and head over to Twilight, me just getting this house means I don’t have Equestria Daily delivered to me every day.” ‘Wait, you’re going to Twilight? Perfect, I have something I wish to give her. I left it on the kitchen table.’ Oh you’re back, what is it? ‘A book I think she needs.’ Is that really all it is? A book? ‘Yep’ *sigh* allright, I’ll give her the book. ‘Thanks. Ooh I almost forgot I have a gift for you too. Here.’ A Present came out of nowhere and landed on my lap with a note that said “Happy First kiss with Rainbow, hopefully this will help.”
“What’s that, Dave?”
“Its a *gift* from Dark.”
“This can’t be good.” ‘Hey, that wasn’t nice.’ Well you’re not nice so why should she be nice to you? ‘Good point.’ What is it anyway? ‘A book I think you’ll find useful.’ Well, thank you?
“He said it a book, I wonder what kind of book.” I begin to unwrap it and when I’m done I can’t believe what i’m seeing. It’s said “Kamasutra: The Pony Version.” Ooh no you didn’t. ‘Ooh yes I did, Trollface.’ I cover the book and walk out of the bedroom.
“Dave where are you going?” Dash asks.
“I’m going to incinerate this book.” ‘How?’
“Why?”
“This book should never have been created. Its foul content must never be seen by pony eyes.” ‘Don’t you think you’re overreacting?’ No. ‘Ok fine.’ The book began to burn with a black flame in my hand but it didn’t burn my hand. ‘There it’s gone. now can you just go to Twilight and give her the book?’ Is it another one of those books? ‘No, I may be evil but I’m not sick.’ Good. “Hey Dash what do you want for breakfast?” ‘I didn’t know you could cook.’ I can’t. ‘Then you’re screwed’
“How about some pancakes, you can never go wrong with that.” I really didn’t think this through. ‘Need help?’ What, you’re actually offering to help me? ‘Ok, I know that I may be an Evil, twisted, selfish, sadistic bastard that spends his day tormenting you with pure epicness and references, but don’t you think that deep down inside I’m a nice guy?’ No ‘Damn it. Well anyway I’m turning over a new leaf and I’m gonna try to be nice so I’ve already made breakfast. Its on the table.’ Wow, really? Thanks.
“Well, come and eat. It’s already done.”
“That was fast. Mmh smells nice.”
“Hope you enjoy it.”
After the breakfast, which was great by the way, we head over to Twilight to give her Darks *gift* and read Equestria Daily.
We arrive at the library and knock on the door. After a few seconds a purple aura surrounds the door and we here Twilight say “Come in.” She’s going through all of the book in the library and putting them back in alphabetical order.
“Um, Twilight. Are you ok?” I ask
“Ooh yes I’m fine, I just need to clean up the library and then all of ponyville for Celestias arrival.”
“Celestia’s coming over? When?”
“In three days” Three days. That’s when that concert is going to start.
“So she IS going to watch the concert. Awesome. Anyway Twilight, Dark asked me to give you this gift. He said it’s a book you will find useful.” I hold the book out and she grabs it with her magic.
“This is a gift from Dark?” I nod. “This can’t be good.” ‘Ooh of fucking course, when i’m finally trying to be nice she acts like this, maybe i should just be an asshole again to make her happy.’
“Actually he said he’s turning over a new leaf and wants to be a nice guy and make friends.” ‘When did i say I wanted to make friends?’ Just go with it.
“Really? Well i guess everyone deserves a second chance so thank you for this gift Dark.” She smiles and begins to unwrap the book. When she’s done her face changes from happy to unamused. She looks over to me and says. “You really haven’t changed, have you?” ‘Nah, too much work.’ What did you give her? I walk over to Twilight, look at the book and fall over laughing.
“HAHAHAHA that was a good one Dark!” ‘Glad you liked it.’
“What’s so funny?” Rainbow asks.
“The book Twilight got from Dark is called “How to properly NOT mess up a spell." Haha classic” She falls over laughing just like me and Twilight just looks pissed.
“You know what Dave, this is the perfect time to try out one of my new spells.” *gulp* I’m boned.
“W-w-what does it do?”
“It will allow me to travel to the back of your mind where Dark is and look into his memories.”
“Why would you want to do that?” ‘Good question.’
“Well if he really has lived for as long as he says, it would mean that must have an incredible amount of knowledge. Just think of the things I could learn.”
“Wow Really? Well then by all means go ahead.” I sit down so she can reach me with her horn. She walk over to me, her horn glowing purple, and places it on my forehead.
POV: Third person.
Location: Dave's mind.
Twilight found herself on a big circle like field of flowers with a big tree in the middle. And under that big tree sat Dark with a black robe and hood covering his face. So this is the inside of Dave's mind and that must be Dark sitting under the tree. Twilight thought to herself. She walks over to the tree and takes a look at Dark. He’s in his human form and looks to be sleeping soundly. She gets closer and closer to him and when she’s only a few feet away from him he speaks.
“So you want to see some of my memories do you? And you are even willing to go into someone else's mind to satisfy your curiosity? I Applaud you. *clap* *clap* *clap* But sadly I don’t feel sharing.”
“You don’t really have a choice in it. This spell will allow me to look into your memories whether you want me to or not.”
“Is that really exactly what the book said?” She nods. “Well then I will just have to use the loophole.”
“What loophole?”
“It’s simple really. The spell requires you to touch me with your horn to look into my memories. Like what you did with Dave, you used the spell and now you’re in his mind and can look into his memories. Let me show you.”
“There is no need for that, i don’t want to see his memories. Just yours.” She leaps at him but he disappears and she ends up with her horn stuck in the tree. Dark stands a few feet next to her chuckling at the sight. When Twilight tries to free herself she can’t remove her horn from the tree which causes Dark to laugh his ass off.
“Well this is an interesting development. Need any help?”
“NO, I don’t need any help from you, not that you would help me anyway.” Dark just sits down and looks at Twilight who’s trying to free herself but to no avail. “...Would you really help me?” She asks in a low voice.
“I’m sorry, what was that?”
“Could you help me?” She asks a little louder.
“What’s the magic word?” He asks in a playful voice.
“Please?”
“Please what?”
“Please help me get away from this tree!” She yells in annoyance.
“Well since you asked so nicely, why not?” He walk over to her side and snaps his fingers summoning a sword. He raises it above his head and gets a wicked smile. “This won’t hurt at all... For me.”
“WAIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
“I’m cutting off your horn so you can get away from the tree, like you asked.”
“Can you please do it WITHOUT cutting off my horn?” Twilight is really scared of Dark and decided that if she wanted to get out of this she needs to be as friendly as she can.
“Aww, so you want me to do it the boring way. Whatever.” His sword disappears from his grasp and he leans over and holds out his hand right next to her horn. “Boom.” He created shockwave right under her horn and therefore sends her flying away from the tree. “Headshot.” He lower his hand and look over at Twilight who’s beginning to stand up. She looks over at him, her right eye twitching. “You ok?”
“Just. Stand. STILL!” She screams as she runs towards him.
“Ok.” Now he’s just standing there and Twilight is running straight at him, her horn glowing purple once more. Dark, deciding to add insult to injury, sits down and waits for Twilight to cast the spell. She’s a few feet away from him and jump but right before the impact he disappears once again but this time he reappears right behind her. He wraps his left arm around her neck and holds her horn with his right.
“Let me go!” She tries to get away but fails. “What are you doing?”
“What you wanted. I’m showing you some of my memories. You have three options. One: Rule 34. Two: SAW. And three: You leave. Now choose.”
“Which one is worst?” She asks with fear in her voice.
“Hmm for you... Rule 34. But i recommend that you leave.” He tries to convince her but she won’t give in.
“I came in here to find out more about you. I choose number two.” She says with a decisive tone.
“Suit yourself.” A black screen appears and Dark is still holding Twilight and forces her to watch.
"I hade a field-day writing this one. Ooh and please, Do hate me, it only makes me stronger