//------------------------------// // Chapter 20 - Off the Rails // Story: The Pony Dreadfuls // by No one is home //------------------------------// “I just wanted to be a pretty little princess. Everypony said, ‘Go to Rarity, she can see the beauty in anypony.’ So I went… and she… she laughed at me…” Nelly cried softly. “The element of generosity… she actually laughed at me.” “It’s okay, I know… better than most… ponies can be cruel. I met Rarity once. She can be absent minded, but she’s not cruel. She was laughing at some private joke. I promise. Human spoiler promise, she wasn’t laughing at you.” Train Wreck hugged the massive mare. Only for one guilty, mirthless, moment he wondered when the last time any pony’s hug had connected it’s hooves behind her withers. “You have spoilers? She felt bad about laughing at me?” Nellie sobbed. “I promise, there was a whole episode in the human world…” Train Wreck lied shamelessly, only justifying his lie with what he hoped was the truth. “She never even realized how much that moment meant to you, because she was too busy in her own moment.” The giant was momentarily distracted by a stack of barrels in the corner of the otherwise empty baggage car. “Hey, Cider barrels. We’re in luck! You look like you could use a good drink and I know I could.” “I dunno, your majesty, wouldn’t that be stealing?” Nely looked nervous and unsure. “Naw, I’m technically a prince, so as long as we apologize and pay for the cider it’s not stealing, it’s a friendship lesson. Trust me, that’s totally how that works.” Train Wreck grinned as his industrious serpent-tongues dragged over the nearest barrel. “And here I thought I might have to sober up before I talked to Twilight again. Nice mare, but I’d really rather have a few drinks before I had this conversation.” “Uh, your majesty, why is that cider barrel ticking? Is it supposed to do that?” The rotund mare asked in a worried voice. “Oh no. No, no, no, no, no… Nelly, don’t panic, but I need you go back into the passenger section as quickly as possible.” The Unspoken Prince buried his face in a massive hoof. “But the train operator said…” “Doesn't matter, I outrank him.” Despite his best attempts, a nervous edge crept into the stallion's voice as he carefully removed the barrel’s lid revealing… “Of course it’s a bomb.’ “You’re majesty, the passenger car’s locked!” Nely began to panic. “They’ve locked us out!” “Dammit all!” Train Wreck growled. “That’s almost insulting, given that I could pretty easily rip off the wall itself if I wasn’t worried about derailing the train. Look at the stop-watch on the bomb and tell me how much time we’ve got.” “Five seconds!” the mare shuffled in a jiggly panic. 5… Train Wreck grabbed the pin connecting the baggage cars to the passenger car, pulling it free allowing the train to pull free, leaving the pair on the now coasting remainder of the train. “Come on!” 4… Train Wreck threw open the back door of the baggage car, only to see the break car retreating into the distance along with two grinning, clown-faced changelings waving at the duo. “Are you shitting me?” 3… The giant grabbed up the massive mare with his serpent like appendages and tossed her on his back. “We’re gonna have to jump!” 2… “We’re on the edge of a cliff! Are you insane?” Nely argued in a panic. “In theory I can fly.” Train Wreck flexed his scaly wings. “Do you have any idea how much I weigh?!?!” Nelly screamed. 1… The Tazzlecorn lept into the abyss, desperately hoping his scaly wings could support both his passenger, and his own not-inconsiderable bulk. 0… The blast ripped open the peaceful afternoon. Wood and steel flew out in all directions. The Friendship express ground to a halt in a screaming of the friction of steel grinding against iron. And two ponies plunged into the abyss amid useless flapping of draconic wings. “Goddammit, Discord, you fucking TROLL!” Train Wreck screamed as he plummeted, his passenger's wordless screech nearly drowning out his own. -=-=-=-=- “This is bad,” Fast Change addressed the Princess of the sun directly and without preamble. “DeadLift came to me as soon as Train Wreck left the Belfry. Apparently, a rogue changeling impersonated me well enough to convince him to take the first train out of town to Ponyville.” “How many changelings, that we know of could accomplish that level of deception?” Celestia’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “In my hive? Less than half a dozen, if we don’t count myself or Diane.” Princess Fast’s voice was equally grave. “And it’s safe to assume the Unspoken’s daughter was not the culprit, methinks.” Luna paced nervously reverting to her royal speech patterns in her agitation. “Diane is beside herself.” Fast Change nodded in confirmation. “It was all I could do to convince her that it wasn’t ME who drove off her ‘Uncle Train Wreck’. Her jealousy played in my favor in this case. Ever since Surprise’s passing, she’s too worried about me stealing ‘her Train Wreck' to believe for one moment I’d drive him off.” “Indeed, the tabloids say the two of you have become quite close.” Celestia raised an eyebrow with a knowing smile. “I already have a one jealous alicorn in my life your majesty,” Fast Change’s voice radiated warning, “And an equally jealous adolescent changeling queen. I don’t have time for your games right now Celestia. I love Silver, and Train Wreck is one of my closest friends. Let’s not make this any more awkward and complicated than it already is.” “Agreed.” Celestia nodded curtly. “But you have to recognize this was not some random prank. This changeling had intimate knowledge of your unique situation They preyed directly on the prince’s own self doubts and fears of rejection.” “It’s worse than that, your majesty,” Fast Change grimaced, “The Pastels have an extensive system to know exactly who they're talking to at any given time. Whoever did this… they knew the safewords…” “Your Majesty!” A panicked guard burst in without warning, “There’s been a terrible accident! An explosion on the Friendship Express!”