From the Shoulders of Giants

by Za Raapini

Heavy on the Hip (Lingo)

“I’m still confused as to why you moved in with such aggression. Surely a…man, in your position sees the folly of such an act. Do you not realize what our Princesses are capable of? They move the sun and moon themselves! What could your pitiful group possibly hope to bring against such a powerful force?!” Brawny Boulder, the rarely seen, rarely utilized Equestrian Minister of Defense spat out to Major Picante.

“Look bro, I really don’t feel like getting into a dick-swinging contest. I follow orders. Sometimes the orders don’t make a whole lotta sense. My job is to let the guys under my command know what an acceptable course of action is, and what is not. We didn’t know what waited for us when we crossed through. We didn’t really have an opportunity to collect intel before we moved in. If we had had an opportunity, I guaran-fucking-tee you that you would be talking to an ambassador with a pen and a pad, and not one with a rifle,” Picante replied back, exasperated. This same conversation, with slightly different words, had played itself out over and over again. He was getting damn sick of it.

“Minister Boulder, thou hast made thyself quite clear on his feelings. As has this…’Major’. We have much to discuss here, and thy constant interjections are not helping. Now, Major Picante, what have thy superiors granted as far as negotiation powers?” Luna, Princess of the Night said. She too was growing tired of the constant back-and-forth, and was looking forward to actual progression. It was becoming difficult to keep an appropriate voice during the proceedings.

Picante looked up. The darker one had been remarkably quiet the whole time, sipping on tea and observing, while the white one- Celestia, was it?- looked harried trying to keep the meeting from degenerating into all-out anarchy. To hear a new voice was mildly refreshing, and could indicate an advance in the talks.

The major stole a glance to the door. He’d asked his XO(1), Captain Momboquet, to stand there and let him know when the Havoc pilots arrived. Judging from his glowering expression and exaggerated hand movements, they were here.

“Well Your Highness, to be honest…not much. Overlord, my immediate superior, is still trying to get word from our government as to what we’re supposed to be doing here now. Originally our orders were to move in, smash the area, get a good read on things, attack when necessary…basically an all-out assault. Now? We’re not really sure. No organized resistance, clear benevolent overtones, and a general lack of a military response. Given the clandestine nature of the mission, as well as our government officials generally being pants-on-head-retarded, we’ll be doing this dance for a good minute.”

Luna was baffled at what the man had said. Turning around, she noticed everypony had a similar look of bewilderment on their faces. Turning back to face him, she opened her mouth to respond when the doors opened. Not again. Could we please deal with the matter at hand? There is still much to be covered…Luna thought to herself.

“Your Highness! Two…hoomans request permission to enter!” a Royal Guard shouted.

“It’s ‘humans’ bro,” a voice called out from behind them.

“Ah! Are these the pilots?” Celestia said.

“That’s affirm miss. You asked for us?” Daniels said.

“Who are you to show such disregard for proper Royal Etiquette?!” Minister Boulder shouted.

Celestia groaned, and continued the conversation with the human pilots.

“That’s correct. I was just trying to figure out who was flying over us today. You gave some of the best flyers in Equestria quite a fright.”

“Apologies ma’am. To be honest, we hadn’t expected on encountering flying chariots and whatnot. Glad to see everything turned out alright,” Sauls said.

“Yes, we’re all fine here. My dear sister, could we please return to the matter at hand?” Luna snapped. This meeting was going to last all week! It was constantly getting derailed. Either Minister Boulder found some new way to make his muscles flex, or they would get interrupted by something. Luna usually slept during the day, and maintaining a proper air during these proceedings was becoming increasingly difficult as her lack of sleep dulled her senses and ability to think rationally. She desperately wanted this to end to grab some much needed sleep. She couldn’t hold out much longer.

“Oh, yes, of course Luna. Just one second. Major Picante, will these two be staying here with the rest of your group?”
“I hadn’t planned on it. They’re pilots. They kinda need jets to be anywhere near useful,” Picante said with a smirk. He couldn’t resist some good-natured ribbing.

“What’s your top speed again? Smell? Come talk to me when you can do Mach 2 while getting a lock with an AMRAAM.(2) Your Highness's, thanks for the invite. Picante, keep up the good work here. I can see things are going very smoothly. They definitely picked the right man for the job here,” Daniels said with what could only be described as a shit-eating grin on his face as he and Sauls exited the building.

“Diplomatic meeting? Strange new creatures in our principality? Hundreds of them are here? ANY of this ringing a bell?” Luna said, fed up with how things were going. She reserved the right to be snippy. They were on her rest time after all.(3)

“If it pleases the Royal Assemblage, could we take a brief break? I’d like to step outside for a minute,” Picante said, having not heard Luna’s outburst due to an ill-timed radio transmission.

“Oh! I give up! Tia, finish this without me. I am going home, and I am getting some sleep!” Luna shouted as she made to leave. There was a loud *snap* as she teleported out of the building.

“Luna! Luna wait!” Celestia called as she too teleported away.

“So…break approved?” Picante said, unsure what to make of what had transpired.

“Insolent whelp!” Minister Boulder shouted.

“Oh, god damnit.”

The Royal Palace had been abuzz with activity ever since the morning. With the prospect of war upon them for the first time in eons (official government documents recorded the Changeling Affair as a ‘Police Action’), the center of the Equestrian Government was steeling itself for the apparently inevitable fighting that would soon come. These would be dark hours indeed, dark days for them. But with the dual leadership of the Princesses of both Day and Night, none could stand before them. They would expunge this new threat, and rightfully assert themselves as the masters of this domain.

When Princess Luna suddenly arrived in the Palace, via teleportation, observers were aghast. Truly their darkest fears were confirmed. Her angry muttering underneath her breath gave them even more metaphorical ammunition. That is…until they actually heard her.

“Meetings, the most vile, despicable, uncouth, deplorable, hate-filled, miserable, pathetic…” they heard as she thundered in the general direction of her private chambers.

Meetings?

Perhaps…perhaps these were what the creatures were called? But if things were so severe, why was she heading to her private chambers?

Just what was going on in Ponyville?

“There is no time to be lost!” they heard Captain Bow-Tie, the Palace Defense Commander shouted out. They could see him struggling to stand atop a conveniently placed stack of boxes to address them all. Right as he got atop the stack, there was a sharp crack in the air as Princess Celestia herself materialized in the room. Everypony in the area instinctively bowed upon sight.

“The enemy is not at our door Captain Bow-Tie, you can calm down. How are your elocution lessons going?” Celestia said.

“They go well my princess! Are...are you sure about the enemy?” Bow-Tie responded.

“Quite sure.” Clearly they haven’t gotten to the ‘indoors’ voice portion of the class Celestia thought to herself.

“But…but I had a speech and everything. This was to be my day of glory…” Bow-Tie said dejectedly.

“Your day will come, Bow-Tie, I’m sure of it. Did my sister head to her room?”

“Yes she did Your Highness.”

“Very good. Everyone, you can calm down. The meeting with the ‘humans’ as they are called, is going well enough, but it is suffering from diversions constantly. I’m thinking that we may change the venue to here, once they send ambassadors to begin talks as to what they hope to accomplish here. In the event that happens, we will need rooms set up so that our guests will feel properly accommodated. Also, a conference room will need to be set up. Soundproof it as well. Now, if you will excuse me, I must talk to my sister.” With that, Celestia teleported out of the room.

She appeared with a flash and bang inside of Luna’s chambers. Already the violet alicorn was in her bed, pulling the covers up.

“Luna! Hey, what was that back there? Everything alright?” Celestia said with concern. Between the teleportation and the sudden words, Luna gasped with shock.

“Tia! Oh…I am most sorry for what transpired back there. But the constant interruptions! I am so tired, and thy patience for meetings is already thin to begin with,” Luna said with a heavy sigh.
Celestia didn’t blame her. She had had a thousand years to adjust to the new day-to-day operations of the monarchy, and she still either zoned out or doodled during most of the meetings. She couldn’t imagine jumping into such a thing without any preamble.

“But it is not just being tired! Fatigue I have dealt with in the past, but the mental strain is unbelievable! Why does that fool Boulder even have a position in our retinue?” Luna said.

“Well, he’s always been so eager to help out. He realized long ago that his office would probably not be called upon to do anything, but he constantly works to make himself useful around here. I couldn’t just cut him off the staff, and several of the Royal Advisory Board suggested that his title be maintained, just in case.”

“Bah! They are ignorant fools! The colt is…guh, I am far too weary to think up a proper discourteous term for him right now. Tia, I apologize for thy outburst. But between the humans crossing the planes of space we did not know existed and their general lack of ability to do anything other than look menacing and talk confusingly, I am simply unable to cope. Please, do not let thy actions derail the talks even further. Only our ancestors know how things are going now,” Luna said in a rushed, flustered rant.

“Do you think you would feel up for it later in the week Luna? We can always shift around the meeting, maybe wait until they send actual ambassadors?”

“Yes, I do feel actual statesmen would be better than these soldiers. Will they be occupying our land for long?”

“That all remains to be seen Luna. For now, rest up. I’ll travel back to Ponyville and see how things are going there.”

“Thank you Tia. Once again, my deepest apologies.”

“Don’t worry Luna. Things will be alright. You’ll see.”

“Overlord, this is Daredevil Actual.”

“Send it Daredevil.”

“Roger, any update on what Washington is doing about this?”

“Negative, not at this time. Tell your men to go firm, and to post up in buildings if able. We will conduct a resupply of essentials at 0400 Zulu time. Any special requests?”

“Vehicles. There are a number of roads here, and we’ll be able to push out and scout the area better. Send us some actual diplomats too. I’m requesting to scrub the combat mission. There’s nothing here to shoot.”

“If that’s your call Daredevil. Be prepared to be in this thing for the long haul though. Nobody has said anything official yet, but the rumors I’m hearing suggest that Washington is going to want to establish a base there, along with an embassy in the royal city those two sisters mentioned.”

“Roger that. Looks like my weekend is shot.”

“We both know you don’t have a life. Overlord out.”

Son of a bitch just had to get the last word, Picante thought. Still, vehicles would be a good thing to get here. There were a number of roads leading in every direction, and he was excited at the prospect of doing some actual reconnaissance. It wouldn’t be in force, but at least it would be something.

He lit up a cigarette while he waited outside. The minister was going nuts in there, shouting about plans this and attacks that. Picante smiled grimly to himself. If only they knew what humanity was capable of doing. But given the way this mission was turning out, they wouldn’t have to come even close to breaking out the nasty shit. Lord only knew how that would turn out.

Khrutov found himself monumentally bored at that particular moment. They had been sitting here for what seemed hours, and in that time all that had happened was a Blackhawk dropped off two fighter pilots, for whatever reason.
He glanced over at Fetisov, wondering what to talk about. He eventually decided on music. They had already exhausted every avenue of conversation back at Edwards.

Before he could open his mouth, he noticed the pink horse from earlier sitting in front of him. How had she done that? He had just been looking in that direction and had not seen her approaching.

“Hi! Sorry about earlier! It’s just that you guys were SO loud and seemed to be really angry and nobody was smiling and I thought to myself ‘Why aren’t they smiling? That’s SO sad!’ and then I realized that you guys hadn’t even been welcomed to Ponyville or had a party yet or anything so I need your names so I know what to put on the banners for the party later tonight! You guys are showing up right?” she spouted in a wall of speech. Khrutov was momentarily stunned.

“Um…” was all he could respond with at that particular moment. He glanced around to his squad, looking for support. They too had been floored by the verbal assault put out by the horse. Shit. He was still trying to wrap his head around the concept of horses talking.

“Great! So I’ll see you guys tonight at Sugarcube Corner. Do you guys know where it is? Waitaminute, of course you do because you were in there earlier! Do you guys have any more of those pop thingies you were using because they were really loud and really bright and I bet they would make a super awesome party even more super awesome!”

Again with the talking. How this creature managed to talk for so long, so quickly, seemingly without doing basic things like breathing, was beyond Khrutov’s comprehension. Thankfully Fetisov, who had a much better understanding of English than Khrutov could ever hope to attain, put his words in. But Khrutov did not like them. Not one bit.

“Of course we will! You will learn Russian-style party. Tell me, do you have vodka?” Fetisov said.

Of course he mentions vodka. Everyone expects us to bring vodka. Fucking Smirnoff, Khrutov thought to himself.

“What’s vodka? Is it for parties? Ooh! Is it a snack because snacks are great and there will be a lot of things like cupcakes and cake and cherrychangas and maybe some muffins and maybe pie wait definitely pie who wouldn’t want pie at a party because it’ll go great with all the punch we have there!”

“It is drink. Makes happy times happier.”

“Happy times happier?! It’ll be like an explosion of happiness and party! Where do you find it?”

“We can have some brought. Just give us time of party.”

“Well, whenever they get out of Sugarcube Corner I’ll be able to go in and get the party set up and started so probably at least an hour or two from now because they’ve been in there for a long time and I don’t think they’ll be lasting much longer in there.”

“We will have some vodka sent. Thank you for inviting us. What is name again?”

“Oh, I’m Pinkie Pie!”

“Pinkie Pie, my name is Fetisov. These are my friends. The brooding grouch over there is my squad leader Khrutov. He not so good as me at English. Perhaps you could teach him?” Fetisov said with a smirk on his face.

That shit sucker. I’m going to get him back for this, Khrutov thought with as much menace as he could. As if the pure rage he felt would mentally strangle Fetisov until there was no life left in his body. He looked up at this…Pinkie Pie, and tried to mentally prepare himself for the agonies to come.

Back at Edwards Air Force Base….

“Alright gentlemen, thanks for coming in. This’ll be our new meeting point for the next few weeks until we get everything settled. We’ll probably get a no-shit conference room at some point, but this hangar will have to do for now.

“Couple things. According to the men on the ground, we will not, repeat not be conducting any sort of combat operation in the nation-state known as Equestria. This is based off of up-to-the-minute intel regarding the situation there.

“We will more than likely shift to a traditional intelligence gathering and map-making role, in the event that we need to shift gears to legitimate operations, so that we know what’s going on, and our guys will know where they’re at.

“Major Picante has put in a request for vehicles to be sent out to them with the resupply we will conduct. We’ll be sending out two MAT-Vs, and 2 MRAPs. I’m not going to send anything heavier than that to them right now. No need to send tanks when not a single round has been fired. Standard loadout on those vics, and we’ll be sending them two trailers with them as well.

“Eventually we will establish a rotational tempo that we can maintain. I would imagine that eventually regular infantry and support units will be sent in to consolidate gains made, so we better start preparing now. For the foreseeable future, Edwards Air Force Base will be the hub for anything coming or going through into Equestria, since we have the only operational portals in the world.

“If we get the funding and capabilities we will be able to set up checkpoints throughout the country, since we will more than likely hammer out some sort of trade agreement with their government. I’m just spitballing on this, but it’s what we as a people have done before.

“We will be leaving our ground units in Equestria for the time being. It’ll be easier than shuttling them back and forth, and I would like to maintain some type of armed presence there, at least until the dust has settled and we gain a clear picture of what this place is all about. In addition, I will be traveling there tomorrow to personally see to it that some type of base will be established there.

“I will do this for two reasons. One, Major Picante is a good man, but he is not the most accomplished speaker. He prefers to let his actions do the talking. That is an admirable trait in a warrior, but warriors are not what we need right now. We need movers. We need shakers.

“No-shit diplomats will more than likely be here within the week, so we’ll need to establish billeting for them. Also, I put in a request for a mobile fuel farm to be shipped here, so find a place we can put it. It’ll be shipped out to the new base we’ll be establishing. Any questions so far?” General Richards, call sign ‘Overlord’ said.

“I have one General,” Colonel Shipman, head of air operations said.

“Go ahead.”

“By having a mobile fuel farm sent here, I’m assuming you’re going to want to base helicopters on the other side?”

“As well as fixed wing air, yes.”

“What type of fixed wing? This will depend on how long of a runway we will need to build, as well as hangars, landing zones for the helicopters, fuel lines, staging areas, all that.”

“If I can swing it, all twenty five Blackhawks will get stationed there. I’d like for Daredevil to be able to conduct multiple, simultaneous recon missions at once. As for fixed wing, I want there to be U-2 spy planes, KC-135 Stratotankers, and all the fast movers we pulled for this task force. Everything will be shifted to an intelligence gathering role, and I want it done as quickly as possible. The KC-135s will ensure we can conduct aerial refueling to keep the cameras in the sky.”

“Roger that sir. I’ll let engineers know.”

“Anything else? If you can’t think of it now, talk to me later, or send me an email. One last thing. When the media gets ahold of this, it’ll be a goddamned firestorm. This will be the biggest story they’ll have ever covered. Game faces gentlemen. That’s all for tonight.”

As the men got up from the meeting, Richards spotted one of his aides approaching him.

“What is it?” the general said.

“You have a phone call from a…Mr. Bowers, I believe his name was sir.”

“What’s he calling about?”

“He said that he wanted to talk to you in regards to the DARPA project.”

“Very well. I’ll take it in my office.”

Walking towards his office, Richards reflected on the day. Wasn’t the most tragic of his life, that was for damn sure. He had fully expected to be receiving casualties today. None, and they had successfully made contact with the leaders of the indigenous government to boot! This was going smoother than anyone had expected.

Was it bizarre? Absolutely. But everyone was handling it like the professionals they were. Richards was damn proud of all of them.

He entered his office, closed the door, and sat down. Picking up the phone, he opened up his laptop to check his email.
Surely it was blowing up right now.

“This is Richards.”

“Richards, it’s Bowers. Head accountant for DARPA. Listen, don’t have a lot of time. Just wanted to give you a heads up, I’ve launched an official inquiry. Some of your guys might see some investigators rolling around. Something about this project doesn’t seem right, and I’m going to find out. Glad to hear nobody got hurt. Pentagon is absolute chaos right now. I don’t think we’ll be getting some sleep for a while here.”

“Why did you launch an inquiry? What doesn’t seem right about it?”

”Numbers is my life, it’s all I do. And when I don’t see numbers going back seven years for some type of crazy portal project, my wheels start turning. I’ll tell you one more thing, and then I have to go. Heighten security, and tell your guys to be on the lookout for anyone strange.”

“That’s a tall order. Been a strange day.”

“It’s about to get stranger. Keep your eyes open and head on a swivel. I’m out.”

And with that the phone call was over.

Strange was the word of the day it seemed. Richards wondered what that was all about. Shrugging, he made a mental note to let everyone know in the morning.

One thing made him think though. This was one of the most secure facilities in the world. It was the proving grounds for the most advanced fighters and bombers the world had ever seen.
Why would security need to be heightened?
000
Footnotes:
(1) XO: Executive officer. This is generally the more admin-oriented position in the hierarchy of billets. This individual is generally tasked with managing the armory as well as being a logistics kind of guy. He’s also a convenient guy to throw under the bus.
(2) AMRAAM: Advanced Medium Range Air-To-Air Missile. It is a self-guided fire and forget missile.
(3) On her rest time: I added a footnote for this because I imagine it is a phrase not often heard outside of the military. Generally speaking, whenever some type of activity is dragging on, motivation can be found in the words “we’re on your ‘X’ time” where X is something that we tend to hold near and dear to us, like chow or sleep.

A/N: Alright! Fourth chapter! I actually updated! Sorry to anyone who was expecting this earlier. Had a late shift on weapons watch and was basically in a coma for most of the day. Also, had to go out drinking with a bro of mine. He gets out in a few days, and this was the last opportunity I had to hang out with him. Wasn’t really sure how this was working while I was writing it. Seems kinda off to me, and I’m not sure if I nailed Luna or Pinkie Pie or even Celestia for that matter. Any pointers on those guys, lemme know. It would be greatly appreciated.
Also, thanks to everyone who favorited this story, as well as left a comment or added me to their ‘watch’ list. That eye creeps me out by the way. Feels like some 1984 stuff. Alright, I’m dragging on. If you have any of the following: comments, questions, concerns, moans, groans, gripes, bitches or complaints, you know what to do. This is Za Raapini saying to stay classy. Good night, and good luck.
Edit: Fixed up some minor grammar errors, as well as a couple formatting mistakes.